Depression

[Ruskie]

This blog post is very dark and if your not in a positive frame of mind you might be best avoiding it.

It is however me baring my soul and being completely honest about how I feel. No bullst, undiluted and honest.



https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...

[caduceus]

Ruskie said:

This blog post is very dark and if your not in a positive frame of mind you might be best avoiding it.

It is however me baring my soul and being completely honest about how I feel. No bullst, undiluted and honest.



https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...

I too am going through it at the moment and not in a good frame of mind at all. But I did read your blog and you have my respect for being so open about your feelings. Does it not help to 'get it out there'?
Also, I find sometimes, better to think about what I do have, and not dwell on what I don't or have recently lost.

Edited by caduceus on Wednesday 22 July 16:38

[Ruskie]

caduceus said:

Ruskie said:

This blog post is very dark and if your not in a positive frame of mind you might be best avoiding it.

It is however me baring my soul and being completely honest about how I feel. No bullst, undiluted and honest.



https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...

I too am going through it at the moment and not in a good frame of mind at all. But I did read your blog and you have my respect for being so open about your feelings. Does it not help to 'get it out there'?
Also, I find sometimes, better to think about what I do have, and not dwell on what I don't or have recently lost.

Edited by caduceus on Wednesday 22 July 16:38

Yeah it does but that subsides and I feel guilty for feeling this way.

[throt]

All the very very best, Ruskie. Its tough, but hang in there, buddy..

[227bhp]

salguod said:

Any advice on the loneliness bit would be massively welcome.

I'm afraid forcing yourself out to see people and socialise a bit is really the only way. I know it's harsh and it's often the last thing you want to do, but if you're waiting for that knock on the door and someone holding out a hand to you you'll be waiting a long time.
I found meetup.com really good, it got me out and about just when I wanted or needed to. You can do as much or as little as you like, it's perfect for a singleton who works and lives on their own and whatever your needs and interests are - car clubs, psychology, specialist interests, cinema nights, meals out etc and often can be done at short notice.

The walking groups were really good for me, some fresh air, exercise and company only if and when I wanted it. Whilst they are not necessarily in exactly the same boat as you (depression), they are all in need of some company and getting out of the house. Every one of them has a story to tell, i've spoken to people about their counselling, depression, amazing life stories - all sorts. Quite often you just hear a conversation going on behind you which sounds interesting, just drop back and dip in, unlike doing it on the bus or train(!) it's the norm and is expected so it works. Want to walk on your own within the group? No problem, just wander along with your own thoughts, people will leave you alone to do this.
People are usually looking for lifts, so I get to drive my car into the countryside whilst having a chat with someone new and them paying towards the fuel.

I get home tired, aching, hungry and in need of some proper exercise induced sleep, but also feeling a bit better.

Edited by 227bhp on Thursday 23 July 10:59

[crazy about cars]

Stumbled upon a very good website on anxiety: http://www.drivingpeace.com/chronic-anxiety-disord...

The "People Pleaser Mask" fits me perfectly.

[Ruskie]

Finally a bit of positivity.

https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...

[Ruskie]

When I started the blog I had three things in mind.
- To raise awareness of mental health/depression in men.
- To raise awareness of mental health/depression in professional football.
- To aid my recovery if at all possible.

To help continue raising awareness I have started a page on facebook. If you could take time to like and share my original blog post posted on there I would be immensely grateful. Thanks a lot.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/How-Football-ruined...

[Flipatron]

'On a clear day, I can see a very long way'
Waiting for my real life to begin - Colin Hay

Continued best wishes Ruskie.

[twing]

Flipatron said:

'On a clear day, I can see a very long way'
Waiting for my real life to begin - Colin Hay

Continued best wishes Ruskie.

Great quote! And good luck Ruskie, I'm glad you have some light

[tonyvid]

crazy about cars said:

Stumbled upon a very good website on anxiety: http://www.drivingpeace.com/chronic-anxiety-disord...

The "People Pleaser Mask" fits me perfectly.

"Anxious people tend to be intelligent, sensitive people." Ain't that the truth! My mum said the other day "you always were a sensitive boy" normally that would make me cringe but I've realised that I'm just not the tough, whatever! type and I do have a very emotional side that isn't fashionable for men to have, even when you are in your 50s.

These last few weeks have been bloody grim, rejection from a relationship you thought was heading long and far into the distance is a really bad thing.

[Ruskie]

Just gone through the 10k views on the blog. A massive thanks for all the support, kind words and feedback. I have been surprised by just how many positive comments I have had and how many PM's I have received expressing gratitude for highlighting these issues.

Cheers
R

[tonyvid]

andy-xr said:

It doesnt mean you have to get used to it either, it's a choice.

There's 2 types of interaction, fake and real. Fake is what you get from reading Facebook, talking to shop assistants and in some cases people on the internet. They have their own agendas, and they're going to intentionally or unintentionally push it down your throat. Some times it'll make you feel bad, some times it'll make you feel good, and then you'll realise what happened, and then you'll feel bad

The best 'real' interactions come with people who you already know. In some cases you might not know the people well. I think I blurted out a load of stuff that I'd been keeping hidden away to a neighbour. He had a startled look on his face, and invited me in for a coffee. Family and friends, anyone who's not got a vested interest in the outcome of what you're saying

I've been thinking a lot about this aspect, and it's one of the things that I really struggle with as I have very few very close friends. I have a ton of colleagues at work and locally as I live in a small village but that only runs so deep. Most are also men as that dominates my workplace - we all know that men are very uneasy with emotional issues(funnily enough, I've always got on much better with women) My current situation is made so much worse by the fact she was my best friend too, all my eggs are in one basket so when it gets dropped the sky falls in

I do seem to have a problem with "eggs in basket", it's a pattern I repeat so when it falls over I have nothing(my family are supportive up to a point but my parents are of the chin-up school, my sisters just get angry with the partner and also live hours away).

Those of you who know me personally know that I'm, hopefully, chatty/interactive/social but I seem to let very few really in - and I seem to be getting more protective as I get hurt more so it's a vicious circle. I don't understand why I'm like this(and I know it's not a good way to be long term with few friends), it upsets me a great deal and I feel increasingly isolated and alone.

When my partner said she wanted us to break-up I went from seeing or speaking to her everyday, probably 10-15 Whatsapp messages a day(always 1st and last thing of the day) to absolute radio silence in the 5 mins it took to break my heart. It's a really tough thing to endure at the moment

[tonyvid]

Ok, you need to accept that your body chemistry needs a hand, it's all about brain chemistry. I know we try and do this without the medicine(for a number of reasons) but get straight back to your docs ASAP. There are out of hours services if you can't wait until Monday - if it all seems to much dial one of those numbers where people are waiting to chat and help.

Good luck chap

[Flipatron]

Get yourself to the docs Josh. Sound like you need to get back on the ADs.

Have you received mental health counselling in the past? Really helps when you can talk things through with a professional.

Flip

[Storrsy24]

I knew something was wrong when I was about 4/5 years old. YES that young! I was scared of being attacked and taken away by angels when it was just the street light shining through my curtains. I always had to sleep with the lamp on. In my late teens I started getting panic attacks and what I think might be health anxiety (fear of dying/thinking something is terribly wrong with my health) I'm now 30 and have got to the point where depression and anxiety has ruined my life and personality. I followed a healthy diet and have lost too much weight and now trying to put it back on. I hardly sleep either.

Long story short, yesterday I went to the Drs after accepting I now need medication.
He's suggested antidepressants
Omega 3
And exercise to get heart rate up

Fingers crossed.

[Flipatron]

Yep, the anti depressants and fish oil will address the chemical imbalance in your brain.

Exercise helps to release natural endorphins and will help lift your mood (I swim for an hour each day).

Good on you for seeing the doc, did you ask for or did they offer counselling?

Keep your pecker up (or whatever you girls have).

Flip

[oceanview]

Storrsy24 said:

I knew something was wrong when I was about 4/5 years old. YES that young! I was scared of being attacked and taken away by angels when it was just the street light shining through my curtains. I always had to sleep with the lamp on. In my late teens I started getting panic attacks and what I think might be health anxiety (fear of dying/thinking something is terribly wrong with my health) I'm now 30 and have got to the point where depression and anxiety has ruined my life and personality. I followed a healthy diet and have lost too much weight and now trying to put it back on. I hardly sleep either.

Long story short, yesterday I went to the Drs after accepting I now need medication.
He's suggested antidepressants
Omega 3
And exercise to get heart rate up

Fingers crossed.

Hi, do you drink much/any alcohol? The reason I ask is because I it played a big part in the severe anxiety episodes I used to suffer from. Although I didn't think so at the time, I think even just one or two drinks would be enough to set off the anxiety in me.
This reached crisis point last September, for me- i felt worse because of a couple of drinks- so drank some more-felt even worse. You get the picture. Ended up so i could'nt stop and in desperation, my family got an emergency admission at the Priory for a de-tox. I did the five days but guess what was the first thing i did when i got home? Yes, a drink. Big mistake. I thought i could keep it under control - just to keep the anxiety in check. Wrong.
Six weeks later, after drinking heavily the night before and into the early hours, i thought i'd drive to the local hills for a walk to try clear my head. In the mess i was in, feeling crap, didn't even think about being over the limit. I didn't make the hills but i did the custody suite of the local police station.
Licence now gone as well, along with a big pay cut and de-motion at work. It took until February this year, with help from my family and big lump of will power from me to stop trying to self-medicate with booze. I slowly started to feel good again , got into exercising/working out lots ( always been into that, apart from when i was bad but stepped it up now) and now nearly 6 months later, i cannot believe that it was me who went through all that st (along with my poor family).
I'll always be a bit of a worrier but its normal, controlled now and absolutely nothing like the sheer terror/turmoil i used to go through.
Sorry if i,ve waffled a bit but maybe whats worked for me could do for you and maybe someone else.

I can say with absolute certainty that alcohol for me ( so others as well) was like throwing petrol onto fire as regards anxiety.
Please give the exercising a go- start small- just a short walk when you're feeling bad even if its the last thing you want to do at the time. Eat well, with a good wholesome diet and maybe when you can, try a gym. This would be great for the fitness and toning up and just mixing with other people seeing them going about there lives. Your weight will probably healthily increase as well, as you say you're looking to add a little.
You CAN feel better- even if that's never felt possible.
Best wishes.

[Storrsy24]

@Flip thank you

I haven't had alcohol since last summer. I developed acid reflux and then couldn't keep food down. Omeprazole is amazing for healing the stomach! I'm just focusing on exercising and putting on weight now.

And thank you Ocean

[andy-xr]

tonyvid said:

I've been thinking a lot about this aspect, and it's one of the things that I really struggle with as I have very few very close friends. I have a ton of colleagues at work and locally as I live in a small village but that only runs so deep. Most are also men as that dominates my workplace - we all know that men are very uneasy with emotional issues(funnily enough, I've always got on much better with women) My current situation is made so much worse by the fact she was my best friend too, all my eggs are in one basket so when it gets dropped the sky falls in

I do seem to have a problem with "eggs in basket", it's a pattern I repeat so when it falls over I have nothing(my family are supportive up to a point but my parents are of the chin-up school, my sisters just get angry with the partner and also live hours away).

Those of you who know me personally know that I'm, hopefully, chatty/interactive/social but I seem to let very few really in - and I seem to be getting more protective as I get hurt more so it's a vicious circle. I don't understand why I'm like this(and I know it's not a good way to be long term with few friends), it upsets me a great deal and I feel increasingly isolated and alone.

When my partner said she wanted us to break-up I went from seeing or speaking to her everyday, probably 10-15 Whatsapp messages a day(always 1st and last thing of the day) to absolute radio silence in the 5 mins it took to break my heart. It's a really tough thing to endure at the moment

It's hard to not be insular when you're in a close relationship with someone, especially the social aspect. I've been burned there before, and now I have my friends, which are separate from her friends. Not that she cant ever meet them, but they were friends with me and still remain that way where I spend more time with them than she does, rather than friends we've either both met together or her friends that now know me. She has her friends too, and I want some distance from them. I have 1 really really close friend, and a couple of others that I could say anything to. I dont think people tend to have that many, you just cant have time to have a proper understanding friendship if you're floating around 20-30 mates

As to the walls or barriers being up, I think that's a natural reaction. You only really stick your hand in the fire once, you dont need to do it again. But that assumes you dont want your hand heating up to 300 degrees, and the heart wants different things. Sometimes it has to be burned and you get hurt a few times along the way, but it gets the warming it needs. Stick it out there again

Edited by andy-xr on Monday 3rd August 10:22