Depression

Author
Discussion

leedogg3

323 posts

166 months

Friday 21st August 2015
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Sorry to be in here again. Meant in a good way!! Really down again at minute. Been really good last year or so, off meds and okay. Then! Lots of crap with house moves . Feeling useless as currently house husband :-( now layabout.

longshot

3,286 posts

197 months

Friday 21st August 2015
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leedogg3 said:
Sorry to be in here again. Meant in a good way!! Really down again at minute. Been really good last year or so, off meds and okay. Then! Lots of crap with house moves . Feeling useless as currently house husband :-( now layabout.
It's sad that you have found your way here again but you have had a good year and it has taken one of the most stressful things known to man to get you down again.

I'm currently going through a mahoosive course of CBT and my therapists push the point that you should do something for yourself every day. Something that you get satisfaction and pleasure from.

Try to remember that you may feel useless right now but it doesn't mean you are.
It's just those nasty gremlins in your head giving you a hard time.

This helps me too. You've probably seen it before but hey...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally...

Hopefully somebody who is good at this helping malarkey will be along shortly. I try my best but I know I'm pretty crap. smile

Hope you feel better real soon.




Edited by longshot on Friday 21st August 22:31

leedogg3

323 posts

166 months

Friday 21st August 2015
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Thanks for reply :-). Currently enjoying?? Walking 10-15 miles a day.

227bhp

10,203 posts

127 months

Friday 21st August 2015
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leedogg3 said:
Thanks for reply :-). Currently enjoying?? Walking 10-15 miles a day.
Well at least it's keeping you fit, that's quite some mileage to be walking in a day, i'm impressed yes
Sorry I don't know what your story is, why you're a house husband etc.

Edit: I just clocked your post in the other thread, I'm presuming you know AS is hereditary and sufferers are prone to depression?

Edited by 227bhp on Friday 21st August 22:57

leedogg3

323 posts

166 months

Friday 21st August 2015
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I'm currently finding that out! I would imagine I'm on spectrum tbh.

tonyvid

9,869 posts

242 months

Saturday 22nd August 2015
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I should've been going on holiday with my lady and the kids today, because she decided I'm "not required on voyage" I've obviously not gone but they all have, staying in a beautiful cottage in Norfolk that I part paid for. To say I'm gutted at the moment is an understatement frown I spent most of the last 2 weeks on my own abroad with work, which was tough enough, but now I have this as well and it's frankly killing me inside. I'm so wracked with anxiety and upset. I feel I can only lean on my family so much(and have) so feel even more alone now than ever cry

I've decided to see my doc again next week and ask for more help or medication, I've sat this out for about 6weeks and it's just getting worse inside me. Bloody grim.

happychap

530 posts

147 months

Saturday 22nd August 2015
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tonyvid said:
I should've been going on holiday with my lady and the kids today, because she decided I'm "not required on voyage" I've obviously not gone but they all have, staying in a beautiful cottage in Norfolk that I part paid for. To say I'm gutted at the moment is an understatement frown I spent most of the last 2 weeks on my own abroad with work, which was tough enough, but now I have this as well and it's frankly killing me inside. I'm so wracked with anxiety and upset. I feel I can only lean on my family so much(and have) so feel even more alone now than ever cry

I've decided to see my doc again next week and ask for more help or medication, I've sat this out for about 6weeks and it's just getting worse inside me. Bloody grim.
Finally took myself to the Dr about 5 weeks ago, this followed 5 counselling sessions. I'm aware that my low mood has been present for two or three years and gradually worse. I'm not one who would have advocated med's until I made my appointment. At this point I had decided I would be coming away fro the appointment with tablets to help me shift my low mood. The Dr agreed with my assessment and prescribed 50mg sertraline and agreed if I had no side effects we would up them to 100mg. I can now start to feel the benefits of the meds as my enthusiasm and motivation just to get on with things is gradually coming back, which is noticeable as to how low my mood had dropped. I hope you can find a way of helping you to be more at ease.

tonyvid

9,869 posts

242 months

Sunday 23rd August 2015
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Thank you smile My GP gas been very supportive, I've tried to sit this out but sometimes you need a bit of outside help.

tonyvid

9,869 posts

242 months

Sunday 23rd August 2015
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EV11NED said:
The thing I'm struggling with right now is how you tell people that the good news they think they have is an atom in a universe of misery. Especially when they've been supportive in the past and probably have patience fatigue.
I think this is a difficult one to answer - we all have our own perspectives of events and news, based on where we are ourselves. All I can say is be happy for what they see, often neither are right but it depends on where you are looking from. Try not to push supportive people away just because you can't see it from their perspective at the moment smile

tonyvid

9,869 posts

242 months

Tuesday 25th August 2015
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I had an emotional 25mins in the docs this morning, after a really stty day and night it all just came flooding out. He gave me all the time I needed, increased my medication and promised to give me all the help I need once I had adjusted to the new dose. He really was very good and empathetic. Hope these get me back on track as this week has been a bh frown

happychap

530 posts

147 months

Tuesday 25th August 2015
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tonyvid said:
I had an emotional 25mins in the docs this morning, after a really stty day and night it all just came flooding out. He gave me all the time I needed, increased my medication and promised to give me all the help I need once I had adjusted to the new dose. He really was very good and empathetic. Hope these get me back on track as this week has been a bh frown
Can I do any thing to help, pm if that's better for you.

throt

3,038 posts

169 months

Wednesday 26th August 2015
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tonyvid said:
I had an emotional 25mins in the docs this morning, after a really stty day and night it all just came flooding out. He gave me all the time I needed, increased my medication and promised to give me all the help I need once I had adjusted to the new dose. He really was very good and empathetic. Hope these get me back on track as this week has been a bh frown
All the best Tony. Stay strong, buddy..

throt

3,038 posts

169 months

Wednesday 26th August 2015
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happychap said:
Can I do any thing to help, pm if that's better for you.
Nice touch, happy..

happychap

530 posts

147 months

Wednesday 26th August 2015
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throt said:
Nice touch, happy..
Thank's, I think sometimes we just need to connect with each other.

tonyvid

9,869 posts

242 months

Tuesday 1st September 2015
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happychap said:
Can I do any thing to help, pm if that's better for you.
Thanks guys - sorry I've not replied to the thread, I've really been out of it the last week. Thanks for the PM offer happychap, I shall remember the offer is there smile

The support on here is greatly appreciated.

drivin_me_nuts

17,949 posts

210 months

Wednesday 2nd September 2015
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Opara said:
Hi guys , I posted here a while back and was looking for a bit of advice. I started to get really bad anxiety at the turn of the year , I put on a brave face and tried to get my head down and continue with my university course. It all came to a head around May time when exams were looming , I spoke to the university and went to the Doctors.My Doctor was good and prescribed me beta blockers and Citalopram.

University agreed I could sit my exams in August so my aim was to use the medication , get on an even keel and do them then. I had a bad reaction to the Citalopram which after the first week increased my anxiety and looking back made me really irrational. It took me long time to get back to normal , my memory was terrible and my cognition was significantly reduced from what it was.

I was starting to feel a bit better around August and decided to attempt the exams , but it all fell apart after the first one. A lot of the stress was the result of the earlier damage caused from the anxiety. When I was in lectures for example I was so preoccupied with the anxiety and potential panic attacks that I wasn't taking in the information.When it came time to prepare for the exams it was like I was learning the material for the first time , this left me with close to a semesters worth of material to teach myself in a short time.

The stress of this meant by the second exam I was having panic attacks and couldn't sit the remaining ones. I have been told to submit a mitigating circumstances form to the university along with medical evidence which I have. The problem is there is little room on the form which is then judged by a panel who don't know my situation.

I feel like I never had a fair attempt at the year and now I could have to repeat it with my marks capped at 40% , has anyone dealt with anything like this who could offer me advice?

I'm currently taking beta blockers and started counselling and feel I could give it my best shot If I were given the chance. Up until January I was a model student gaining high marks.
Sorry to read this. The stress of exams can be crippling - even now i'm close to 50, just saying the word makes me want to run from the keyboard.

Do you know what underlies your exam stress. Is it the 'obvious', as in not feeling that you are going to do well, or the pressure of the examination and its environment, or is it something else. The reason I ask is that sometimes it's not the obvious that is the trigger, but what lies deeper within. I have a vivid and very visual way of seeing fear. For me, I turned my fear into something that I could visualise - in fact I gave it as much vidi detail as possible, sight, texture, colour, temperature, smell etc. Having made it 'real' in my mind, rather than just a 'fear' I could not focus on, I could then counter it head on with something to at first neutralise it and then consume it. For example, my fear of exams was like the old movie 'the blob'. Yet, I found what worked in my mind was to turn it into a jelly that could be served with icecream at a happy and exciting party. I created a very powerful opposite to what gave me a real and profound fear.

it's may not be something that comes overnight (or actually it might), but I long ago formed the view that if the mind is really struggling with something anything, it often already knows how to neutralise it. What you can do is help it counter the fear itself.

Read or dismiss these ramblings with your own free will, but either way I wish you every success.

Nervasport

227 posts

134 months

Thursday 3rd September 2015
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Hi all its been a while....

basically its coming up to my step sons memorial (his death is my trigger for this horrible illness) and after listening to the radio last night where they were discussing depression, I thought I'd try put into words how this is affecting me and try to make sense of things.

It'll be 3 years on October 18th my step son passed on due to health problems at the very young age of 2 years and a week off his third birthday. I understand he's died but what I can't understand is why? why does anyone die? My brain keeps telling me something happened but I'm reluctant to accept it...

When that happened I had literally thrown myself into working every hour God sent to try block it out, meanwhile as I was doing this I was trying to run a house single handedly as Mrs nervasport was quite understandably in a world of hurt too and had became withdrawn so I plodded on to try get back to normal.

What shocked me next was a month after his passing was that little nervasport was going to make an appearance in 9 months time which threw extra stress on me. Having a little one on the way made me feel on constant edge after what had happened with him.

Anyway... Fast forward to December and I think that's when it had hit me I'd became depressed, I'd become a shadow of my former self. Grief, pregnancy, money worries and the rest which were getting on top of me. I tried to tell Mrs nervasport but she didn't want to know, our relationship since then has been pretty st, it became a toxic environment and over time grew to resent one another.

When I hit my lowest of lows i used to think to myself when I was driving by myself 'that would be a great place to crash and end it all' but thankfully I didn't.

We stayed together for the sake of little nervasport and in July 2013 she made an appearance and everything seemed ok. But when his first memorial was approaching i went into meltdown and didn't want to see or speak to anyone for God knows how long.

When her father had invited us to a family bbq, I was raring to go out and try get back to being me but I don't know why but I just lost it again and curled up and cried and stayed home, I felt ashamed to be depressed, I didn't think it would happen to me but it has.

I've had counselling but she stopped contacting me and hasn't got back to me since September last year.... And feel a bit st for not being able to see it through.

The past few years have been turbulent to say the least.

Me and Mrs nervasport now live apart for the sake of little nervasport so she didn't see us fighting everyday as she doesn't need to see that and well we get on better now and that's half the battle I suppose and my daughter brings absolute joy to my life. If it wasn't for her I'd probably be pushing up daisies.

I do think of my stepson everyday but those memories I had of him have been replaced by him in that hospice room drugged up to the eyeballs on morphine and having to watch him die.

It is hard to put into words how I feel now as I simply don't know..... Probably empty is the best word I guess.


I hadn't realised how much of a bd I had been to people until last night..... The radio presenter was describing everything I am today, miserable, bitter, resentful, confused to name but a few. I wish i wasn't like this but I am. I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense and might think its just rambling but this feels sort of better to actually be able to look at it and think how to get myself out of it.

Edited by Nervasport on Thursday 3rd September 13:37

jogger1976

1,251 posts

125 months

Thursday 3rd September 2015
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Thanks for your honesty, Nervasport.
Your post is very personal and things are obviously still quite raw.I guess it can't have been easy to write?

Definitely get some help.Whether that be speaking to your GP for pills, or some counselling. Don't go it alone. I've been there and one that and it's a pretty stty and miserable existence, TBH.

I've done some pretty stty things that I regretted when I've been severely depressed. When I think what I've put my family through in the past I feel ashamed and remorseful, but then I realise that they still love and care for me despite my faults.This can often be forgotten when depressed.

Also, be the best dad you can be to your little one, as it will give you something to focus on and may help to raise your self-esteem.

There are some good people on here who will be there for you, unlike some parts of PH I could mention. and it really is like its own supportive community.

Best of luck to you smile

Nervasport

227 posts

134 months

Thursday 3rd September 2015
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jogger1976 said:
Thanks for your honesty, Nervasport.
Your post is very personal and things are obviously still quite raw.I guess it can't have been easy to write?

Definitely get some help.Whether that be speaking to your GP for pills, or some counselling. Don't go it alone. I've been there and one that and it's a pretty stty and miserable existence, TBH.

I've done some pretty stty things that I regretted when I've been severely depressed. When I think what I've put my family through in the past I feel ashamed and remorseful, but then I realise that they still love and care for me despite my faults.This can often be forgotten when depressed.

Also, be the best dad you can be to your little one, as it will give you something to focus on and may help to raise your self-esteem.

There are some good people on here who will be there for you, unlike some parts of PH I could mention. and it really is like its own supportive community.

Best of luck to you smile
Thank you, you don't know what that means to me.

You're right. It wasn't easy to write. It forced me to have a long hard look at myself.

I've finally realised I need to stop fighting those who care for me and also stop fighting myself too, hopefully when my home purchase is completed I can rebuild myself.

Thank you jogger. And thank you PH, I hope we all come through the other end smiling..... Together

Edited by Nervasport on Thursday 3rd September 22:47

Chicken Chaser

7,744 posts

223 months

Friday 4th September 2015
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Nervasport said:
Thank you, you don't know what that means to me.

You're right. It wasn't easy to write. It forced me to have a long hard look at myself.

I've finally realised I need to stop fighting those who care for me and also stop fighting myself too, hopefully when my home purchase is completed I can rebuild myself.

Thank you jogger. And thank you PH, I hope we all come through the other end smiling..... Together

Edited by Nervasport on Thursday 3rd September 22:47
Nervasport, would a reconciliation be something that you are striving towards or are you looking to open a new chapter?