Depression

[Ruskie]

wiliferus said:

So, dipping my toe into this thread...

I've been suffering with depression and really bad anxiety for about 5 months - since my marriage fell apart.
I'm in a job which is very much stiff upper lip, and word such as depression carry a hell of a stigma, so just got my head down and soldiered on.
It's been hell. No two ways about it. Surviving on a few hours disturbed sleep, palpitations, a complete lack of concentration and ability to focus on anything.
I've also lost about 16lbs, which bearing in mind I was only 11st4 to start with is not good.

So, I finally caved and went to my GP. This was a massive step for me, as doing this is an admission that there is actually something wrong.

Anyway, I walked away with prescription for 50mg of Sertraline once a day. Started taking it on Wednesday.
All I can say is Jesus Christ. The doc told me I'd feel worse before I felt better, but I didn't expect this. Massive anxiety, permanently on the verge of tears, shaking, complete inability to sleep, and really irrational thoughts. Thoughts about giving up on everything and just leaving.

I've done a bit of googling and going straight on to 50mg seems unusual, most people start on 25mg due to the nasty initial side effects. It's so tempting to stop taking them as this is all so much worse than I was feeling before I took the bloody things.

Any one else been through similar with Sertraline? Please tell me it gets better.

I'm on 100mg and if I forget to take it first thing and have it later on I get dreadful insomnia.

[Soov535]

Ruskie said:

wiliferus said:

So, dipping my toe into this thread...

I've been suffering with depression and really bad anxiety for about 5 months - since my marriage fell apart.
I'm in a job which is very much stiff upper lip, and word such as depression carry a hell of a stigma, so just got my head down and soldiered on.
It's been hell. No two ways about it. Surviving on a few hours disturbed sleep, palpitations, a complete lack of concentration and ability to focus on anything.
I've also lost about 16lbs, which bearing in mind I was only 11st4 to start with is not good.

So, I finally caved and went to my GP. This was a massive step for me, as doing this is an admission that there is actually something wrong.

Anyway, I walked away with prescription for 50mg of Sertraline once a day. Started taking it on Wednesday.
All I can say is Jesus Christ. The doc told me I'd feel worse before I felt better, but I didn't expect this. Massive anxiety, permanently on the verge of tears, shaking, complete inability to sleep, and really irrational thoughts. Thoughts about giving up on everything and just leaving.

I've done a bit of googling and going straight on to 50mg seems unusual, most people start on 25mg due to the nasty initial side effects. It's so tempting to stop taking them as this is all so much worse than I was feeling before I took the bloody things.

Any one else been through similar with Sertraline? Please tell me it gets better.

I'm on 100mg and if I forget to take it first thing and have it later on I get dreadful insomnia.

Grit your teeth Russkie, soon all will be much better. Get signed off work for a week.

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT stop taking them

[wiliferus]

happychap said:

wiliferus said:

Thank you. It was a big step for me and nearly walked out of the waiting room.

I'm also doing Talking Therapies but to be fair, it's pretty crap. It's nice to speak to a neutral person once a week, but can't see it changing my life.

Out of interest, what is it about the counseling that is crap.

I quite like the coping strategy stuff, I've found that's helped to a degree. The biggest block for me is I've been bought up, and work in an environment where you don't talk about emotions and stuff, especially not to strangers. So I've found it quite awkward and difficult. On reflection I probably think it's crap as I've found it hard to engage with it properly.

[drivin_me_nuts]

wiliferus said:

I quite like the coping strategy stuff, I've found that's helped to a degree. The biggest block for me is I've been bought up, and work in an environment where you don't talk about emotions and stuff, especially not to strangers. So I've found it quite awkward and difficult. On reflection I probably think it's crap as I've found it hard to engage with it properly.

With talking therapies you do have to be aware of a couple of things.

Firstly, that to engage fully takes time. It's about building a relationship with the person opposite you and also, and perhaps more importantly building a new relationship with yourself. This part is often a case of 'self negotiation' and agreeing that what you've done in the past ( e.g. 'bottling things up' / 'not being allowed to talk about you feel' / 'real men don't... {you get the idea here} ), don't work for you. It's an acceptance that you need to make and to be honest, it can take time and it can be a real challenge to overcome. But without that internal agreement that 'I have to try something different because what i've done for X amount of time doesn't help me right now').


Secondly, that when you do engage, the process of talking may well open a real pandoras box of thoughts and emotions that seem to come from somewhere unexpected. Now, this isn't true for everyone, but certainly when i've expored with people who said quite openly 'they don't have emotions', for them it's been rather surprising from them to discover that, yes they most certainly do.

So, perhaps, as a suggestion before your next talk therapy session, you take a little time to expolore by yourself your own throughts around not talking and keeping thins inside - and maybe talk about that. To unlock the mind, often i've found that that mind must first be negotitated with and come to a very real agreement that 'we agree to do something different'.

Now it may be that talk therapy doesn't work for you and you need something more pragmatic. That's fine, but you need to give yourself the best chance possible.

Our mind's at times are like onions with multiple locked layers - but onions in a maze of interconnected layers that pull on each other until we find a way of unlocking them to get to what lies within, and then resolve what's at the heart of them. But the layers, the locks, are there to protect us - an inbuilt mechanism that at times is too damned good at what it does. So unlocking them, giving your mind permission to move forwards is a starting task in itself.

My best wishes to all of you.

[wiliferus]

drivin_me_nuts said:

Some really good stuff about Talking Therapies

Thats pretty much a summary of where I'm at. They're trying to crack open a can which I've held firmly shut for my adult life. The best way of dealing with emotions is not to deal with them at all. My therapist described me as a pressure cooker.

I suppose all these things take time, I just didn't expect the pills to make me feel so much worse.

[xjay1337]

Opening up helps a lot. But you need to be careful who you open up to.
As driving me nuts' post is pretty much spot on, there's not too much I can add to that.

The onion metaphor is very true!

The only thing I will say that helped me, was that in order to be happy I truly had to put myself first and that meant having those "awkward conversations" with people who were annoying or that I had been tolerating when they were actually part of the reason for my negativity.
A messy break up with an ex triggered my sudden fall back into the depths of depression, and it took me well over a year to sort myself out. We weren't married or anything so can only imagine how much worse you would feel than someone in my situation.

I haven't been on that Sertaline drug, I was on Citalopram and I have also been on other drugs (Amitriptyline for one) and all types have made me feel worse, certainly no better, for the first week. It's almost a psychological reaction - You are depressed. You've gone to your doctor. You get medicine. You expect to be better, but nothing changes for the first few weeks/month - so you end up getting frustrated.

Touch wood I have not been on any medication now for nearly 4 months. I felt I was in a good place and took a calculated risk to just stop and I've had a few wobbles along the way but I am in a better place.

If you feel you can't talk to people at work, or find talking therapies too much, I find here is quite a good place. :-)

[happychap]

wiliferus said:

Thats pretty much a summary of where I'm at. They're trying to crack open a can which I've held firmly shut for my adult life. The best way of dealing with emotions is not to deal with them at all. My therapist described me as a pressure cooker.

I suppose all these things take time, I just didn't expect the pills to make me feel so much worse.

DMN is correct about building the relationship with your therapist over a period of time. If you have a set number of sessions, you have a clear timescale to undertake the work that will help you. As has been said, if you keep investing in the same behaviour you,ll get the same outcome. This could actually be a fantastic opportunity to develope a greater awareness of yourself. All the best

[Ruskie]

Soov535 said:

Ruskie said:

wiliferus said:

So, dipping my toe into this thread...

I've been suffering with depression and really bad anxiety for about 5 months - since my marriage fell apart.
I'm in a job which is very much stiff upper lip, and word such as depression carry a hell of a stigma, so just got my head down and soldiered on.
It's been hell. No two ways about it. Surviving on a few hours disturbed sleep, palpitations, a complete lack of concentration and ability to focus on anything.
I've also lost about 16lbs, which bearing in mind I was only 11st4 to start with is not good.

So, I finally caved and went to my GP. This was a massive step for me, as doing this is an admission that there is actually something wrong.

Anyway, I walked away with prescription for 50mg of Sertraline once a day. Started taking it on Wednesday.
All I can say is Jesus Christ. The doc told me I'd feel worse before I felt better, but I didn't expect this. Massive anxiety, permanently on the verge of tears, shaking, complete inability to sleep, and really irrational thoughts. Thoughts about giving up on everything and just leaving.

I've done a bit of googling and going straight on to 50mg seems unusual, most people start on 25mg due to the nasty initial side effects. It's so tempting to stop taking them as this is all so much worse than I was feeling before I took the bloody things.

Any one else been through similar with Sertraline? Please tell me it gets better.

I'm on 100mg and if I forget to take it first thing and have it later on I get dreadful insomnia.

Grit your teeth Russkie, soon all will be much better. Get signed off work for a week.

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT stop taking them

No I won't be doing that don't worry. I have been on them for over a year now.

[wiliferus]

So day 5 of these bloody pills. Insomnia still hitting hard. Can't seem to turn my brain off, and can only sleep in short 10 minute bursts. As a result tiredness and lethargy are hitting hard. I can see why people with depression end up stuck on the sofa as its a real effort to do anything at all.
Will be quite pleased to lose the shakes too!
Oh and lack of concentration hit new highs today as I lost my car in Sainsburys car park... Took me 10 minutes to find the bd thing

[thatsprettyshady]

Just doing my first dabble sleeping on a short term script of Zimovane, sleeping tablets.

Go check out the delusional thread I just started over in Heath and you'll see these fecking pills have done everything else to ny body to me but sleep.

Its like mixing meth with mushrooms. Mega. But this will be the last time I take them.

Oh and I'm not tired.

[mouse1991]

drivin_me_nuts said:

With talking therapies you do have to be aware of a couple of things.

Firstly, that to engage fully takes time. It's about building a relationship with the person opposite you and also, and perhaps more importantly building a new relationship with yourself. This part is often a case of 'self negotiation' and agreeing that what you've done in the past ( e.g. 'bottling things up' / 'not being allowed to talk about you feel' / 'real men don't... {you get the idea here} ), don't work for you. It's an acceptance that you need to make and to be honest, it can take time and it can be a real challenge to overcome. But without that internal agreement that 'I have to try something different because what i've done for X amount of time doesn't help me right now').


Secondly, that when you do engage, the process of talking may well open a real pandoras box of thoughts and emotions that seem to come from somewhere unexpected. Now, this isn't true for everyone, but certainly when i've expored with people who said quite openly 'they don't have emotions', for them it's been rather surprising from them to discover that, yes they most certainly do.

So, perhaps, as a suggestion before your next talk therapy session, you take a little time to expolore by yourself your own throughts around not talking and keeping thins inside - and maybe talk about that. To unlock the mind, often i've found that that mind must first be negotitated with and come to a very real agreement that 'we agree to do something different'.

Now it may be that talk therapy doesn't work for you and you need something more pragmatic. That's fine, but you need to give yourself the best chance possible.

Our mind's at times are like onions with multiple locked layers - but onions in a maze of interconnected layers that pull on each other until we find a way of unlocking them to get to what lies within, and then resolve what's at the heart of them. But the layers, the locks, are there to protect us - an inbuilt mechanism that at times is too damned good at what it does. So unlocking them, giving your mind permission to move forwards is a starting task in itself.

My best wishes to all of you.

I found therapy to be a double edged sword.

On the one hand it steered me in the right direction, made me consider all the good things in my life which gave me focus.

Unfortunately it also revealed what sent me down this path in the first place. Without going into too much detail something happened to me at the age of 9. It traumatised me, gave me nightmares, fears and implications that still live with me today. Although I can still remember all the emotions of the time, I have absolutely no recollection of what happened to me, my brain has totally shut it out. But there was enough information for my therapist to explain what I'd probably gone through.

It's hard to live with, knowing something happened but not knowing the details of who, where, why?? I could go for hypnotherapy but I fear that knowledge of the events would be worse than not knowing.

[Hilts]

andy-xr said:

I'm going to be a bit brutal here and suggest you draw the line at Mate and recognise there's another line past that which is Care Giver. If you're not qualified enough to be a Care Giver, you'll run yourself ragged, feel like st because you cant do enough and whatever you do wont be enough.

There's a distinction between looking out for someone and pretty much giving up your own needs. It's not a sudden thing, it's something that happens slowly with just an hour here, and an afternoon there. If you're aware of it, and you're willingly giving your time to do this, then fair enough. But realise, he's not going to be 'fixed' by you doing this, if that's your intentions.

I dont want to just give bad vibes and walk, so is there a support group or help group in your/his area? You could put effort into that and probably get him better resources to deal with the changes he's experiencing, and be happy to go through them with him. You might also want to research lithium as an option against olanzepine, but this i ssomething that's best discussed with a psych team (I guess he's way past GPs?)

Edited by andy-xr on Monday 4th July 09:32

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I'm certainly not qualified to be a care giver but I swung in past last night and he seemed in good form, he's obviously very relaxed around me so it's difficult to gauge how he is in a different social setting. I know I can't fix him, I'd just like to help if I can. We have a lot in common apart from depression, he was born the day after me in the same small hospital ward although we never met until we ended up in the same 1st year class at secondary school.

I'll look into the lithium, I got him to setup reminders on his phone and tablet to take his meds. He'll not consider going to any kind of support group, he does get a visit from his CPN every few weeks though.

He's been signed off work now for almost 2 years, is there some sort of time where the company would make him redundant if the psych could see no chance of improvement? He's been under her supervision for all that time and he's no closer to going back to work.

[227bhp]

wiliferus said:

So day 5 of these bloody pills. Insomnia still hitting hard. Can't seem to turn my brain off, and can only sleep in short 10 minute bursts. As a result tiredness and lethargy are hitting hard. I can see why people with depression end up stuck on the sofa as its a real effort to do anything at all.
Will be quite pleased to lose the shakes too!
Oh and lack of concentration hit new highs today as I lost my car in Sainsburys car park... Took me 10 minutes to find the bd thing

Most people think ADs are happy pills and a quick fix, they aren't!
Unless you've already been told, you need to take one type for a minimum amount of time too (maybe two months I don't remember), before reaching a conclusion. After that period if they aren't working you can then try another type and go through it all again. And again....
You need to be telling yourself you're in for a long and bumpy ride, but at least you've got on it and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[227bhp]

Hilts said:

andy-xr said:

I'm going to be a bit brutal here and suggest you draw the line at Mate and recognise there's another line past that which is Care Giver. If you're not qualified enough to be a Care Giver, you'll run yourself ragged, feel like st because you cant do enough and whatever you do wont be enough.

There's a distinction between looking out for someone and pretty much giving up your own needs. It's not a sudden thing, it's something that happens slowly with just an hour here, and an afternoon there. If you're aware of it, and you're willingly giving your time to do this, then fair enough. But realise, he's not going to be 'fixed' by you doing this, if that's your intentions.

I dont want to just give bad vibes and walk, so is there a support group or help group in your/his area? You could put effort into that and probably get him better resources to deal with the changes he's experiencing, and be happy to go through them with him. You might also want to research lithium as an option against olanzepine, but this i ssomething that's best discussed with a psych team (I guess he's way past GPs?)

Edited by andy-xr on Monday 4th July 09:32

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I'm certainly not qualified to be a care giver but I swung in past last night and he seemed in good form, he's obviously very relaxed around me so it's difficult to gauge how he is in a different social setting. I know I can't fix him, I'd just like to help if I can. We have a lot in common apart from depression, he was born the day after me in the same small hospital ward although we never met until we ended up in the same 1st year class at secondary school.

I'll look into the lithium, I got him to setup reminders on his phone and tablet to take his meds. He'll not consider going to any kind of support group, he does get a visit from his CPN every few weeks though.

He's been signed off work now for almost 2 years, is there some sort of time where the company would make him redundant if the psych could see no chance of improvement? He's been under her supervision for all that time and he's no closer to going back to work.

You need to be asking someone more qualified about that, maybe his employer.

He's very lucky to have a friend like you. Your idea about clearing out the sheds earlier seems ok to me - take small steps and some days you'll go forwards, sometimes backwards, but will hopefully get a bit better eventually.

[andy-xr]

Hilts said:

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I'm certainly not qualified to be a care giver but I swung in past last night and he seemed in good form, he's obviously very relaxed around me so it's difficult to gauge how he is in a different social setting. I know I can't fix him, I'd just like to help if I can. We have a lot in common apart from depression, he was born the day after me in the same small hospital ward although we never met until we ended up in the same 1st year class at secondary school.

I'll look into the lithium, I got him to setup reminders on his phone and tablet to take his meds. He'll not consider going to any kind of support group, he does get a visit from his CPN every few weeks though.

He's been signed off work now for almost 2 years, is there some sort of time where the company would make him redundant if the psych could see no chance of improvement? He's been under her supervision for all that time and he's no closer to going back to work.

My ex g/f was on olanzapine for around 9 months, and it didnt do much for her other than weight gain and generally feeling stty. She moved to lithium and things improved a lot, rather than snoozing the days away whether manic or depressed, she was able to take control and make some decisions. They werent always rationa decisions, but decisions none the less

You might want to look more into personal independence payments (PIP) if the wheels fall off the job he's signed off from. I think asking the employer is probably a step too far - your mate is capable of doing that, but probably doesnt want to rock the boat. It will likely come to a head.

Be careful with how much you take on, dont be his signatory because he'll let you and could come back later on saying you've ruined his life. Youll be shocked and call him a massive wker and you were only trying to help.

The limit of your help should be as a supporting role - please dont be pleased that he's given you something to do as it's someone's life and you have your own to live as well.

[Hilts]

227bhp said:

He's very lucky to have a friend like you. Your idea about clearing out the sheds earlier seems ok to me - take small steps and some days you'll go forwards, sometimes backwards, but will hopefully get a bit better eventually.

Thanks. We're very close friends although when he got married I was forgotten about Yes clearing sheds will help him feel a bit better I think or at least take his mind off his situation for a little while.

[Hilts]

andy-xr said:

My ex g/f was on olanzapine for around 9 months, and it didnt do much for her other than weight gain and generally feeling stty. She moved to lithium and things improved a lot, rather than snoozing the days away whether manic or depressed, she was able to take control and make some decisions. They werent always rationa decisions, but decisions none the less

You might want to look more into personal independence payments (PIP) if the wheels fall off the job he's signed off from. I think asking the employer is probably a step too far - your mate is capable of doing that, but probably doesnt want to rock the boat. It will likely come to a head.

Be careful with how much you take on, dont be his signatory because he'll let you and could come back later on saying you've ruined his life. Youll be shocked and call him a massive wker and you were only trying to help.

The limit of your help should be as a supporting role - please dont be pleased that he's given you something to do as it's someone's life and you have your own to live as well.

His brother has Power of Attorney. He'd never say anything against me, we're too close and he knows I'm the boss Long story but I stayed with him for a year.

[wiliferus]

227bhp said:

wiliferus said:

So day 5 of these bloody pills. Insomnia still hitting hard. Can't seem to turn my brain off, and can only sleep in short 10 minute bursts. As a result tiredness and lethargy are hitting hard. I can see why people with depression end up stuck on the sofa as its a real effort to do anything at all.
Will be quite pleased to lose the shakes too!
Oh and lack of concentration hit new highs today as I lost my car in Sainsburys car park... Took me 10 minutes to find the bd thing

Most people think ADs are happy pills and a quick fix, they aren't!
Unless you've already been told, you need to take one type for a minimum amount of time too (maybe two months I don't remember), before reaching a conclusion. After that period if they aren't working you can then try another type and go through it all again. And again....
You need to be telling yourself you're in for a long and bumpy ride, but at least you've got on it and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Yea I appreciate that. Just wasn't expecting them to ale me feel this st.

Today ended up getting signed off for 2 weeks so I suppose that's one less thing to worry about for now.

[mouse1991]

Struggling here i'm afraid.

My ex wife has thrown a large hand grenade into the centre of my steadily rebuilding life.

I was arrested and taken to my local police station yesterday, I was locked in a cell for 2 hours (utterly terrified), interviewed and then released on bail. It's a serious charge which i'm innocent of but I'm scared and feel like my life is, once again, not worth living.

I'm not sure I can take this any more. All my energies have been spent getting through the past 18 months, I've got no more to give. I've hardly eaten over the past 2 days, nothing at all today and I still don't feel like eating.

I gave in and went to my ex-doctors after work today, where my previous mental health therapist is based. The reception staff could see I was in a bit of a state and although they couldn't contact my old therapist, they said they would call an ambulance to take me to A&E (they'd asked if I felt like harming myself, I said yes). I couldn't face all the faff of an ambulance ride 5 miles down the road and then have my car stranded so I declined and said I'd drive myself there. I never went and instead went home to sleep. I was then woken my the police knocking on the door, concerned for my well-being.

Fair play to them and good to know they were looking out for me.

So here i sit, back to where I started 18 months ago but this time it feels ten times worse. I don't want therapy, I don't want pills, I just want a normal half happy life which I'm now convinced isn't going to happen.

I thought things were turning around, new house, new hobbies, new friends. I was seeing a great girl I'd met on-line, I'd arranged our third date for Sunday but I've had to tell her it's over, I'm not dragging get through all of my problems. I was starting to be happy, I should have known.

My ex has tried her hardest to destroy my life over the past 18 months, I think she's hit the jackpot this time.

[crazy about cars]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the earlier feedback. Sorry I haven't been checking in... life's been very hectic. Bit of a hassle at work of which I'm hoping to bring to a close so I can start a new chapter.

Sadly hasn't tried anything healthy although I'm thinking about motivational audiobooks since I seem to spend a lot of time in the car recently. Any recommendations?

Letter came through for appointment with mental health team. This can be a blessing in disguise, perhaps it's time for me to reconsider medication...

Hang in there everyone and thanks again for letting me be a part of this wonderful virtual support group.