Discussion
Thinking about stopping the blog. Not much feedback and my original idea was to spread awareness. Anyway here's my latest.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2016...
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2016...
I wouldn't take the lack of feedback as a sign that nobody is interested Ruskie. I always enjoy (enjoy??) reading your latest posts to see how things are going but rarely reply. As you've said in the past, it's hard to give advice or feedback when you're struggling with this condition yourself. im sure there are lots of followers to your blog that feel the same.
I hope you continue to keep us updated.
Best wishes as always.
I hope you continue to keep us updated.
Best wishes as always.
mouse1991 said:
I wouldn't take the lack of feedback as a sign that nobody is interested Ruskie. I always enjoy (enjoy??) reading your latest posts to see how things are going but rarely reply. As you've said in the past, it's hard to give advice or feedback when you're struggling with this condition yourself. im sure there are lots of followers to your blog that feel the same.
I hope you continue to keep us updated.
Best wishes as always.
+1.. I always read it , Ruskie.I hope you continue to keep us updated.
Best wishes as always.
Ruskie said:
Thinking about stopping the blog. Not much feedback and my original idea was to spread awareness. Anyway here's my latest.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2016...
I'd say I've read everyone, dont take lack of feedback as not being noticed. You're probably unaware of the people that get something out of it. For me I can relate to parts but not to the severity that things seem to get you. Not much to add but would be a shame for you not to continue IMO.https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2016...
Ruskie said:
Thinking about stopping the blog. Not much feedback and my original idea was to spread awareness. Anyway here's my latest.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2016...
I've read all of your email updates, sorry for lack of feedback bud, I'm generally quite affected after each one and can't quite word a reply properly and, as with most people, never get round to going back to it.https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2016...
Can genuinely say they've helped me over the last 6 months, not that I've enjoyed your pain at all, just that I gained a bit of strength from yours. I'm currently in a better place right now and unlike previous "ups" I'm not sat here waiting for the crash, I'm just enjoying the moment.
So thank you, and various others who've been in touch in several different ways, very kind of you and if there's ever anything I can do then please get in touch
Long time lurker and part-time poster here - using an apt alternative login.
I have been suffering with moderate depression & anxiety for a while now. I was taking citalopram for about 3 years and was fairly stable - not great but not spiraling downwards. About 6-12 months ago I started feeling worse. My low mood and lack of motivation has affected me at work quite significantly and my boss noticed I wasn't quite the same and has been fairly critical of me. I went back to my GP and went onto sertraline. I didn't notice any improvement so was changed again to lofepramine but I had some unpleasant side effects from that so changed back to sertraline and I'm now on the maximum dose (200mg/day). My GP also referred me to the local mental health link worker and regional wellbeing services. I had an appointment with the link worker and two telephone appointments with the regional wellbeing services and was put on the regional waiting list for telephone CBT. My GP has previously said he could sign me off work but I didn't want to let my employer down any more than I already have. Another GP also said she could sign me off but I decided to see how things went with the change of medication. If I am off work then there is not really anybody else to do my work.
I made my employer aware of my condition and symptoms a few months ago and they appeared to be supportive and understanding. Shortly after I contacted our health insurance provider and they offered CBT. I've had two ~1 hour sessions so far and have another 6-8 sessions to go and possibly more if I need them. The cognitive side of CBT aims to challenge and change the negative thinking that is at the root of depression and keeps fueling it. The behavioral side is about planning and making the most of your time (not moping around the house in your pants all weekend) and doing activities which give you a sense of achievement, enjoyment and closeness. At the moment I'm not sure the cognitive side will work with me (could just be my negative automatic thoughts) but I think the behavioral side will have some effect as I rarely exercise at the moment and used to do quite a bit. Both the cognitive and behavioral treatments are aimed at breaking the cycle of negativity that feeds depression.
I think some time off work would give me the time to do things I don't have time for at the moment that I'll get something positive out of. Nearly 2 weeks ago I asked my boss if it would be possible to reduce my hours as I believe it would help with my recovery but I haven't had a response yet. I offered to take a pro-rata pay cut (because of my feelings of guilt) but I'm not sure if this was a good idea. Initially I didn't want to take time off sick because I thought it may be too easy to sit at home doing nothing and not actually help me, but now I'm thinking that some time off and a phased return would be better than the unproductive full time work I'm doing at the moment or reduced hours/pay and potentially more pressure during the time I am at work. I find it difficult to make decisions (one of my symptoms) so I'm posting in the hope that advice from strangers on PH may help.
If you got this far, thanks for reading and TIA for any advice.
I have been suffering with moderate depression & anxiety for a while now. I was taking citalopram for about 3 years and was fairly stable - not great but not spiraling downwards. About 6-12 months ago I started feeling worse. My low mood and lack of motivation has affected me at work quite significantly and my boss noticed I wasn't quite the same and has been fairly critical of me. I went back to my GP and went onto sertraline. I didn't notice any improvement so was changed again to lofepramine but I had some unpleasant side effects from that so changed back to sertraline and I'm now on the maximum dose (200mg/day). My GP also referred me to the local mental health link worker and regional wellbeing services. I had an appointment with the link worker and two telephone appointments with the regional wellbeing services and was put on the regional waiting list for telephone CBT. My GP has previously said he could sign me off work but I didn't want to let my employer down any more than I already have. Another GP also said she could sign me off but I decided to see how things went with the change of medication. If I am off work then there is not really anybody else to do my work.
I made my employer aware of my condition and symptoms a few months ago and they appeared to be supportive and understanding. Shortly after I contacted our health insurance provider and they offered CBT. I've had two ~1 hour sessions so far and have another 6-8 sessions to go and possibly more if I need them. The cognitive side of CBT aims to challenge and change the negative thinking that is at the root of depression and keeps fueling it. The behavioral side is about planning and making the most of your time (not moping around the house in your pants all weekend) and doing activities which give you a sense of achievement, enjoyment and closeness. At the moment I'm not sure the cognitive side will work with me (could just be my negative automatic thoughts) but I think the behavioral side will have some effect as I rarely exercise at the moment and used to do quite a bit. Both the cognitive and behavioral treatments are aimed at breaking the cycle of negativity that feeds depression.
I think some time off work would give me the time to do things I don't have time for at the moment that I'll get something positive out of. Nearly 2 weeks ago I asked my boss if it would be possible to reduce my hours as I believe it would help with my recovery but I haven't had a response yet. I offered to take a pro-rata pay cut (because of my feelings of guilt) but I'm not sure if this was a good idea. Initially I didn't want to take time off sick because I thought it may be too easy to sit at home doing nothing and not actually help me, but now I'm thinking that some time off and a phased return would be better than the unproductive full time work I'm doing at the moment or reduced hours/pay and potentially more pressure during the time I am at work. I find it difficult to make decisions (one of my symptoms) so I'm posting in the hope that advice from strangers on PH may help.
If you got this far, thanks for reading and TIA for any advice.
I'm not sure time off is the answer, the devil loves those empty spaces...
Have you considered taking the odd day off and making the most of it? Go on days out, museums, long bike rides, just do whatever you really enjoy or something new and exciting.
Don't do any chores, make it a date day for yourself.
Have you considered taking the odd day off and making the most of it? Go on days out, museums, long bike rides, just do whatever you really enjoy or something new and exciting.
Don't do any chores, make it a date day for yourself.
half_throttle said:
Long time lurker and part-time poster here - using an apt alternative login.
I have been suffering with moderate depression & anxiety for a while now. I was taking citalopram for about 3 years and was fairly stable - not great but not spiraling downwards. About 6-12 months ago I started feeling worse. My low mood and lack of motivation has affected me at work quite significantly and my boss noticed I wasn't quite the same and has been fairly critical of me. I went back to my GP and went onto sertraline. I didn't notice any improvement so was changed again to lofepramine but I had some unpleasant side effects from that so changed back to sertraline and I'm now on the maximum dose (200mg/day). My GP also referred me to the local mental health link worker and regional wellbeing services. I had an appointment with the link worker and two telephone appointments with the regional wellbeing services and was put on the regional waiting list for telephone CBT. My GP has previously said he could sign me off work but I didn't want to let my employer down any more than I already have. Another GP also said she could sign me off but I decided to see how things went with the change of medication. If I am off work then there is not really anybody else to do my work.
I made my employer aware of my condition and symptoms a few months ago and they appeared to be supportive and understanding. Shortly after I contacted our health insurance provider and they offered CBT. I've had two ~1 hour sessions so far and have another 6-8 sessions to go and possibly more if I need them. The cognitive side of CBT aims to challenge and change the negative thinking that is at the root of depression and keeps fueling it. The behavioral side is about planning and making the most of your time (not moping around the house in your pants all weekend) and doing activities which give you a sense of achievement, enjoyment and closeness. At the moment I'm not sure the cognitive side will work with me (could just be my negative automatic thoughts) but I think the behavioral side will have some effect as I rarely exercise at the moment and used to do quite a bit. Both the cognitive and behavioral treatments are aimed at breaking the cycle of negativity that feeds depression.
I think some time off work would give me the time to do things I don't have time for at the moment that I'll get something positive out of. Nearly 2 weeks ago I asked my boss if it would be possible to reduce my hours as I believe it would help with my recovery but I haven't had a response yet. I offered to take a pro-rata pay cut (because of my feelings of guilt) but I'm not sure if this was a good idea. Initially I didn't want to take time off sick because I thought it may be too easy to sit at home doing nothing and not actually help me, but now I'm thinking that some time off and a phased return would be better than the unproductive full time work I'm doing at the moment or reduced hours/pay and potentially more pressure during the time I am at work. I find it difficult to make decisions (one of my symptoms) so I'm posting in the hope that advice from strangers on PH may help.
If you got this far, thanks for reading and TIA for any advice.
The work world will still keep turning if you're not there for a few weeks. IF it doesnt, then it's not really a very stable place to be working while you're busy with yourself. I think distancing yourself from a toxic environment, if there is one, is a good thing and that can be as temporary as you want it to be. I have been suffering with moderate depression & anxiety for a while now. I was taking citalopram for about 3 years and was fairly stable - not great but not spiraling downwards. About 6-12 months ago I started feeling worse. My low mood and lack of motivation has affected me at work quite significantly and my boss noticed I wasn't quite the same and has been fairly critical of me. I went back to my GP and went onto sertraline. I didn't notice any improvement so was changed again to lofepramine but I had some unpleasant side effects from that so changed back to sertraline and I'm now on the maximum dose (200mg/day). My GP also referred me to the local mental health link worker and regional wellbeing services. I had an appointment with the link worker and two telephone appointments with the regional wellbeing services and was put on the regional waiting list for telephone CBT. My GP has previously said he could sign me off work but I didn't want to let my employer down any more than I already have. Another GP also said she could sign me off but I decided to see how things went with the change of medication. If I am off work then there is not really anybody else to do my work.
I made my employer aware of my condition and symptoms a few months ago and they appeared to be supportive and understanding. Shortly after I contacted our health insurance provider and they offered CBT. I've had two ~1 hour sessions so far and have another 6-8 sessions to go and possibly more if I need them. The cognitive side of CBT aims to challenge and change the negative thinking that is at the root of depression and keeps fueling it. The behavioral side is about planning and making the most of your time (not moping around the house in your pants all weekend) and doing activities which give you a sense of achievement, enjoyment and closeness. At the moment I'm not sure the cognitive side will work with me (could just be my negative automatic thoughts) but I think the behavioral side will have some effect as I rarely exercise at the moment and used to do quite a bit. Both the cognitive and behavioral treatments are aimed at breaking the cycle of negativity that feeds depression.
I think some time off work would give me the time to do things I don't have time for at the moment that I'll get something positive out of. Nearly 2 weeks ago I asked my boss if it would be possible to reduce my hours as I believe it would help with my recovery but I haven't had a response yet. I offered to take a pro-rata pay cut (because of my feelings of guilt) but I'm not sure if this was a good idea. Initially I didn't want to take time off sick because I thought it may be too easy to sit at home doing nothing and not actually help me, but now I'm thinking that some time off and a phased return would be better than the unproductive full time work I'm doing at the moment or reduced hours/pay and potentially more pressure during the time I am at work. I find it difficult to make decisions (one of my symptoms) so I'm posting in the hope that advice from strangers on PH may help.
If you got this far, thanks for reading and TIA for any advice.
Having a 'bad back' is usually what some professionals tend to be signed off with. Rightly or wrongly, stigma or not, the end result is the same. Get yourself some space and time.
I think it's great that you're looking to take on the ways in which you think with a view to change them. CBT can work for many people, my wife had a course a few years ago and says she still uses many techniques she learned in her day to day thinking. It's helped her get through thought patterns around maternity and labour as the techniques can be applied for a few different uses.
What you have to remember though is sometimes your brain talks s
t to you at such a low level you dont even notice it or if you do, dont often question it. What I found with CBT, and it might differ from what other people found is that it's a tackle-head-on process. Like, rejecting your negative feelings and not letting them get in. Fill your time with something elseI felt like I had to deal with them rather than block them. Perhaps I didnt go far enough with the course, but I felt like it wasnt the right approach for me.
I went with ACT, which is more around acceptance and mindfulness. Rather than reject the feelings it aims to identify them, give them a place and allow you to carry on regardless of the feeling. An example might be 'I cant go out today because I feel bad' and turn that into 'I can feel bad and still go out, even if only for a minute. I commit to going out, however bad I might feel'. The commitment to action even if still having the thought, was the changer for me. Because there were days I'd lie in bed feeling so s
t and wondering if I was cold shivering or having some kind of panic/anxiety attack that stopped me doing a lot of stuffGood luck - and remember there's many ways to deal with it, if one isnt working too well for you, there are others
Well today was a st day. No reason. Just was. I thought I was coming out the other side, things were looking up, and I was more positive. But for no reason today everything seems pointless and a struggle.
I'm not looking for replies, just feels slightly cathartic to put it on here. Tomorrow's a new day eh?
t day. No reason. Just was. I thought I was coming out the other side, things were looking up, and I was more positive. But for no reason today everything seems pointless and a struggle. I'm not looking for replies, just feels slightly cathartic to put it on here. Tomorrow's a new day eh?
wiliferus said:
Well today was a st day. No reason. Just was. I thought I was coming out the other side, things were looking up, and I was more positive. But for no reason today everything seems pointless and a struggle.
I'm not looking for replies, just feels slightly cathartic to put it on here. Tomorrow's a new day eh?
Exactly how I felt yesterday from early evening. I had a very productive day: weather was good so did a bit of gardening, went for a hour walk, sorted all my paperwork/bank statements out, watched the Moto GP, went for a 40 mile spin on my bike, then finished off a few DIY jobs. Got to around 5pm, then felt really down/anxious. Have suffered anxiety on & off for at least 5 years (probably way more, but never really took it seriously....). I did weekly counselling from last November until July this year, which has made a huge difference, but sometimes the 'devil' just creeps up for no apparent reason, & just won't go away.t day. No reason. Just was. I thought I was coming out the other side, things were looking up, and I was more positive. But for no reason today everything seems pointless and a struggle. I'm not looking for replies, just feels slightly cathartic to put it on here. Tomorrow's a new day eh?
This morning the anxiety has receded somewhat, but the motivation to work, rather than post here, is not what it should be....
Biker 1 said:
wiliferus said:
Well today was a st day. No reason. Just was. I thought I was coming out the other side, things were looking up, and I was more positive. But for no reason today everything seems pointless and a struggle.
I'm not looking for replies, just feels slightly cathartic to put it on here. Tomorrow's a new day eh?
Exactly how I felt yesterday from early evening. I had a very productive day: weather was good so did a bit of gardening, went for a hour walk, sorted all my paperwork/bank statements out, watched the Moto GP, went for a 40 mile spin on my bike, then finished off a few DIY jobs. Got to around 5pm, then felt really down/anxious. Have suffered anxiety on & off for at least 5 years (probably way more, but never really took it seriously....). I did weekly counselling from last November until July this year, which has made a huge difference, but sometimes the 'devil' just creeps up for no apparent reason, & just won't go away.t day. No reason. Just was. I thought I was coming out the other side, things were looking up, and I was more positive. But for no reason today everything seems pointless and a struggle. I'm not looking for replies, just feels slightly cathartic to put it on here. Tomorrow's a new day eh?
This morning the anxiety has receded somewhat, but the motivation to work, rather than post here, is not what it should be....
I hate this illness.
Came back from 2 weeks holiday on Saturday and promptly fell in the hole.
Actually, that's not true.
I could feel it coming on as soon as my feet touched UK soil.
I feel like I did 7 years ago again and it feels like I have made no progress at all back to reasonable mental health at all.
I keep crying and wanting to kill myself.
I know a certain amount of it will be the post holiday blues but I think having a great holiday and then returning home has also made me realise just how st and unbearable my life has become.
I don't want to hurt like this anymore.
I feel doomed.
Like a previous poster, I'm not looking for help or replies. I just felt I needed to write this down somewhere.
Came back from 2 weeks holiday on Saturday and promptly fell in the hole.
Actually, that's not true.
I could feel it coming on as soon as my feet touched UK soil.
I feel like I did 7 years ago again and it feels like I have made no progress at all back to reasonable mental health at all.
I keep crying and wanting to kill myself.
I know a certain amount of it will be the post holiday blues but I think having a great holiday and then returning home has also made me realise just how s
t and unbearable my life has become.I don't want to hurt like this anymore.
I feel doomed.
Like a previous poster, I'm not looking for help or replies. I just felt I needed to write this down somewhere.
I've suffered with depression on and off for most of my life. When I was much younger it was regarded as just being a bit miserable. I'm quite a solitary person and find social interaction difficult and exhausting, in the last few years I was diagnosed with suffering from aspergers, which explains a lot. Despite all this I've always managed to remain in employment, until taking early retirement this year (my choice and it has cost me a lot to do it).
I had my first major breakdown about twenty years ago, was prescribed various different anti-depressents until one was found that helps, went through some counselling which also helped a bit, even though it opened a few skeleton-filled closets that I would rather had stayed closed.
I have bounced back and forth ever since, I'm never a happy person, but sometimes reach a place where I'm reasonably happy to exist, which can last a few years, before it's back downhill again.
Currently in a black hole again, I'm already on happy pills but I think the dose needs to be upped again (my GP thought that retirement would mean I was no longer a miserable git and reduced the dosage).
I think that the approach of winter is not helping as that is always a bad time for me with short, horrible, days.
Not sure why I rambled on about this, but, to my fellow sufferers, you have my sympathy even though I know that is no use to you. Everyone is different and finds there own way through it. I think my inbuilt stubborness helps a bit, I will keep going even though usually I see little point in existing.
I had my first major breakdown about twenty years ago, was prescribed various different anti-depressents until one was found that helps, went through some counselling which also helped a bit, even though it opened a few skeleton-filled closets that I would rather had stayed closed.
I have bounced back and forth ever since, I'm never a happy person, but sometimes reach a place where I'm reasonably happy to exist, which can last a few years, before it's back downhill again.
Currently in a black hole again, I'm already on happy pills but I think the dose needs to be upped again (my GP thought that retirement would mean I was no longer a miserable git and reduced the dosage).
I think that the approach of winter is not helping as that is always a bad time for me with short, horrible, days.
Not sure why I rambled on about this, but, to my fellow sufferers, you have my sympathy even though I know that is no use to you. Everyone is different and finds there own way through it. I think my inbuilt stubborness helps a bit, I will keep going even though usually I see little point in existing.
Ruskie said:
Thanks Ruskie, I read it on Twitter. Regrets held me back for so many years. Thankfully I've recently learnt to deal with them at the back of my mind rather than dwell on them constantly.twing said:
Ruskie said:
Thanks Ruskie, I read it on Twitter. Regrets held me back for so many years. Thankfully I've recently learnt to deal with them at the back of my mind rather than dwell on them constantly.Ruskie said:
Cheers for posting. Not sure if the pic you posted means you played in goal? Hard position to play with the stress you were under if that is the case. Any mistake generally leads to an opposition goal, it's an unforgiving position.Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff