How to calm down...
Discussion
Please not: This thread contains startling honesty. If you don't like it, f
k off. I am aware that this thread may well not go the way it was intended but it is a risk I am willing to take.
I find myself in the midst of a particularly challenging time of life at the moment. I started a course in uni in September, it was going well but felt I had to leave as I made the mistake of falling hopelessly in love with a girl and then, due to personal circumstances involving her health and my sanity we broke up and I felt I had to return home. We hadn't spoken for ages until the other day, when she got in contact with me via facebook and we talked for a little bit. This obviously brought back all those feelings I had been trying so hard to suppress over the past 6 months and for a few days I felt the light at the end of the tunnel was getting further and further away. Now I have been at home for a few months, I have found a job, sorted re-starting my course in Swansea uni and am getting my life back in shape. Sort of.
This is where the startling honesty comes in. Hold on to your hat.
I have smoked weed pretty much solidly since I was about 12-13 years old. I am now 24, 25 next week. In fact, the longest period of time I have gone without smoking it at all over the past 12-13 years is 11 days. Shocking I know. I have no interest in counting the money I have spent on smoke because I am fairly sure it would be into 6 figures. I have been lazy, unmotivated and generally workshy although when I am in work I am a damn hard worker, competitive almost. It is also believed that I am autistic, though I have never been officially tested for it. I have great difficulty with people, get extremely nervous in social situations, am frequently misunderstood and have a very, very different viewpoint on life to most others etc, etc basically all the classic hallmarks of a fking weirdo. As you can probably see from this text it is all I, I, I, like I don't know how to hold a conversation either.
In short, I'm an ahole. People have no interest in me and when they do I have nothing to talk about. Nothing. I really try but it is no use, to the point that I give up and have basically withdrawn from social situations altogether, even amongst old friends that I know well. I'm the quiet one in the corner. Don't even get me started on chatting up girls, I can't do it, I just blush, stammer and go useless.
Lately I have found myself getting very aggressive but only with those closest to me, like I am comfortable enough around them that they may see how I really feel, even though it is always negative and I generally end up snapping. These moods are much, much worse in the morning. Once I get a couple of cigarettes and a cup of coffee I am generally alright, although a bifta does the job better. Unfortunately though, in the past week this has cost me both the ex whom I love and may have had another chance with and also the best mate who has been by my side for years, in fact we started smoking together, all that time ago.
I don't want to live like this anymore but I feel trapped. All my friends are stoners, they are all I know and even if I was to try and make other friends what do I do? I have nothing in common with very many people and the friends I do have are either stoners, collected via a common interest in wasting their fking lives or just as socially incompetent as I am. The one friend I do have who has quit weed is, coincidentally my oldest friend, and is getting married soon so is spending his time with his fiance. Understandably too, the lucky bd.
So I want to change, but where to start? How does one go about dropping the habit of a lifetime? Every time I stop smoking, even if only for a day my mood drops, and I become someone I just can't deal with and don't want to be. A deeply unpleasant, highly unpredictable person with a very highly reckless attitude emerges but I can't stop it. It feels a little like like a Jekyll and Hyde scenario, it really does. I just don't feel in control.
So what would you do? Cut contact, go on your own and just try your hardest? Seek solace in the company of the few remaining friends I have? Run? (that one is tempting) I tried to put an end to it by moving away to uni but that sort of went tits up as mentioned earlier, I fell hopelessly in love and fell in with the stoners again. Which resulted in my boomeranging straight back into my original dilemma. Hmm.
Apologies for those of you who are of the opinion that I am a whining miserable but I assure you, I could not give the first fk about you or your input to this thread. I am not looking for sympathy, just opinions on how I might help myself. I can ask acquaintances and friends about this sort of thing but they give a biased opinion and most of them are stoners anyway so they aren't worth taking advice from in most cases.
Thanks.
TL;DR?:- Retard stoner lacks direction in life, asks for opinions
k off. I am aware that this thread may well not go the way it was intended but it is a risk I am willing to take.I find myself in the midst of a particularly challenging time of life at the moment. I started a course in uni in September, it was going well but felt I had to leave as I made the mistake of falling hopelessly in love with a girl and then, due to personal circumstances involving her health and my sanity we broke up and I felt I had to return home. We hadn't spoken for ages until the other day, when she got in contact with me via facebook and we talked for a little bit. This obviously brought back all those feelings I had been trying so hard to suppress over the past 6 months and for a few days I felt the light at the end of the tunnel was getting further and further away. Now I have been at home for a few months, I have found a job, sorted re-starting my course in Swansea uni and am getting my life back in shape. Sort of.
This is where the startling honesty comes in. Hold on to your hat.
I have smoked weed pretty much solidly since I was about 12-13 years old. I am now 24, 25 next week. In fact, the longest period of time I have gone without smoking it at all over the past 12-13 years is 11 days. Shocking I know. I have no interest in counting the money I have spent on smoke because I am fairly sure it would be into 6 figures. I have been lazy, unmotivated and generally workshy although when I am in work I am a damn hard worker, competitive almost. It is also believed that I am autistic, though I have never been officially tested for it. I have great difficulty with people, get extremely nervous in social situations, am frequently misunderstood and have a very, very different viewpoint on life to most others etc, etc basically all the classic hallmarks of a f
king weirdo. As you can probably see from this text it is all I, I, I, like I don't know how to hold a conversation either.In short, I'm an a
hole. People have no interest in me and when they do I have nothing to talk about. Nothing. I really try but it is no use, to the point that I give up and have basically withdrawn from social situations altogether, even amongst old friends that I know well. I'm the quiet one in the corner. Don't even get me started on chatting up girls, I can't do it, I just blush, stammer and go useless.Lately I have found myself getting very aggressive but only with those closest to me, like I am comfortable enough around them that they may see how I really feel, even though it is always negative and I generally end up snapping. These moods are much, much worse in the morning. Once I get a couple of cigarettes and a cup of coffee I am generally alright, although a bifta does the job better. Unfortunately though, in the past week this has cost me both the ex whom I love and may have had another chance with and also the best mate who has been by my side for years, in fact we started smoking together, all that time ago.
I don't want to live like this anymore but I feel trapped. All my friends are stoners, they are all I know and even if I was to try and make other friends what do I do? I have nothing in common with very many people and the friends I do have are either stoners, collected via a common interest in wasting their f
king lives or just as socially incompetent as I am. The one friend I do have who has quit weed is, coincidentally my oldest friend, and is getting married soon so is spending his time with his fiance. Understandably too, the lucky bd.So I want to change, but where to start? How does one go about dropping the habit of a lifetime? Every time I stop smoking, even if only for a day my mood drops, and I become someone I just can't deal with and don't want to be. A deeply unpleasant, highly unpredictable person with a very highly reckless attitude emerges but I can't stop it. It feels a little like like a Jekyll and Hyde scenario, it really does. I just don't feel in control.
So what would you do? Cut contact, go on your own and just try your hardest? Seek solace in the company of the few remaining friends I have? Run? (that one is tempting) I tried to put an end to it by moving away to uni but that sort of went tits up as mentioned earlier, I fell hopelessly in love and fell in with the stoners again. Which resulted in my boomeranging straight back into my original dilemma. Hmm.
Apologies for those of you who are of the opinion that I am a whining miserable
but I assure you, I could not give the first fk about you or your input to this thread. I am not looking for sympathy, just opinions on how I might help myself. I can ask acquaintances and friends about this sort of thing but they give a biased opinion and most of them are stoners anyway so they aren't worth taking advice from in most cases.Thanks.
TL;DR?:- Retard stoner lacks direction in life, asks for opinions
Serious reply.
I think you need to focus on the root cause of what is causing your anger and drug addiction (these are part of the same problem). Seeking the help of an appropriate therapist would be a good idea. The trick is in finding a decent therapist who isn't just looking to take your money.
In the meantime, you could try something that involves your mind and body. I recommend tai chi but others might recommend yoga.
I think you need to focus on the root cause of what is causing your anger and drug addiction (these are part of the same problem). Seeking the help of an appropriate therapist would be a good idea. The trick is in finding a decent therapist who isn't just looking to take your money.
In the meantime, you could try something that involves your mind and body. I recommend tai chi but others might recommend yoga.
I also smoked weed from the age of 12 until just before I turned 30.
I also could count only a few weeks in total the times I did not smoke (occasional holidays, but most of the time smoked while away)
People talk about the psychosis risk, I think it's true I felt much more aggressive and less sociable in all those years.
Starting at early age you feel it is a sociable (if not cool) thing to do, but it's only once I stopped smoking did I realise that it did not help me at all, just kidded myself I enjoyed it. Could barely speak to people while stoned, lose confidence & lots paranoia. I had a fairly good social life but looking back I wasted 17 years on it (would have had much more fun without it)
Regarding being shy with girls, don't worry most blokes are!
You know writing your post what you need to do. Stop.
I made decision at 27 to stop before I was 30. It literally took me over 2 years to build up to the idea of stopping. In the end I read the Alan Carr stop smoking book (twice) then went to the session. Not had any weed (or cigs!) since then which was 6 years ago. Confidence is higher, met much better parter, got married had to kids and run my own small business. (not powerfully built though)
This was not meant to sound like look at me, rather to say lots people do the same as us. I know people I went to school with who don't work, live with patents and are 36 yrs old still getting stoned.
You know what to do.
Good luck
I also could count only a few weeks in total the times I did not smoke (occasional holidays, but most of the time smoked while away)
People talk about the psychosis risk, I think it's true I felt much more aggressive and less sociable in all those years.
Starting at early age you feel it is a sociable (if not cool) thing to do, but it's only once I stopped smoking did I realise that it did not help me at all, just kidded myself I enjoyed it. Could barely speak to people while stoned, lose confidence & lots paranoia. I had a fairly good social life but looking back I wasted 17 years on it (would have had much more fun without it)
Regarding being shy with girls, don't worry most blokes are!
You know writing your post what you need to do. Stop.
I made decision at 27 to stop before I was 30. It literally took me over 2 years to build up to the idea of stopping. In the end I read the Alan Carr stop smoking book (twice) then went to the session. Not had any weed (or cigs!) since then which was 6 years ago. Confidence is higher, met much better parter, got married had to kids and run my own small business. (not powerfully built though)
This was not meant to sound like look at me, rather to say lots people do the same as us. I know people I went to school with who don't work, live with patents and are 36 yrs old still getting stoned.
You know what to do.
Good luck
Edited by Soir on Sunday 1st July 15:34
Go see your doctor about kicking your habit.
Go back to uni and try to deliberately immerse yourself in clubs/societies etc. Perfect opportunity to cultivate (no pun intended) new interests, and one that you'll regret not taking advantage of later in life. Easier said than done, I know, and what I've said is trite, but really it's on your shoulders change who you are, and you're taking the right steps in confronting it.
Oh and the whole relationship thing...yeah...it's always a crap situation to deal with and we all seem to deal in different ways..
Go back to uni and try to deliberately immerse yourself in clubs/societies etc. Perfect opportunity to cultivate (no pun intended) new interests, and one that you'll regret not taking advantage of later in life. Easier said than done, I know, and what I've said is trite, but really it's on your shoulders change who you are, and you're taking the right steps in confronting it.
Oh and the whole relationship thing...yeah...it's always a crap situation to deal with and we all seem to deal in different ways..
Take a month off - go somewhere far away (away from getting stoned) and make sure it's somewhere where you can't buy it. Unlike booze, it's quite easy to come off weed as long as you can do a month without it.
When you get back, stay clear of the people you smoke with for at least 3 months.
Habit broken. You've taken control.
When you get back, stay clear of the people you smoke with for at least 3 months.
Habit broken. You've taken control.
Narcotics Anonymous, or any other drug treatment provider?
Mrs Dibble is the operations director for a drug and alcohol treatment charity. There are plenty of them about that you can be referred to. A trip to your GP is usually the first step, but if you don't want this on your health record you can sometimes get referred directly.
Mrs Dibble is the operations director for a drug and alcohol treatment charity. There are plenty of them about that you can be referred to. A trip to your GP is usually the first step, but if you don't want this on your health record you can sometimes get referred directly.
Weed is the cause of all your problems. Life is too short to spend it in a numbed down caveman state. Life is passing you by, you in slo mo and the world at a normal pace.
You sound like you are in serious need of a hobby. Build yourself a mountain bike from scratch, find some trails, slowly watch you fitness increase over time. Slowly watch you brain come alive again and stop giving a st what other people think of you. Meet a like minded chick who shares you hobby.
Mountain biking is just an example. Channel your mind and energy into one hobby and come and join the real world my troubled stoner friend.
You sound like you are in serious need of a hobby. Build yourself a mountain bike from scratch, find some trails, slowly watch you fitness increase over time. Slowly watch you brain come alive again and stop giving a s
t what other people think of you. Meet a like minded chick who shares you hobby.Mountain biking is just an example. Channel your mind and energy into one hobby and come and join the real world my troubled stoner friend.
Another serious reply.
If you're feeling anxious and tetchy without a spliff, you really need to stop.
It can be done. I'd estimate that I smoked every day for the best part of ten years, but when I started to get nervy and paranoid I knew I had to knock it on the head.
Have a look here for a psychologist in your area: http://www.bps.org.uk/psychology-public/find-psych...
Presently, anyone can set themselves up as a counsellor since the 'industry' is completely unregulated, however BPS membership is only available to those with appropriate qualifications.
Alternatively, you could try your GP, but be prepared to wait to see someone.
The first step is admitting you have a problem, so well done.
Good luck.
ETA: I'd also have got a much better degree had I not been such a stone-head. What's done is done, but it (among other things) is biting me in the arse now.
If you're feeling anxious and tetchy without a spliff, you really need to stop.
It can be done. I'd estimate that I smoked every day for the best part of ten years, but when I started to get nervy and paranoid I knew I had to knock it on the head.
Have a look here for a psychologist in your area: http://www.bps.org.uk/psychology-public/find-psych...
Presently, anyone can set themselves up as a counsellor since the 'industry' is completely unregulated, however BPS membership is only available to those with appropriate qualifications.
Alternatively, you could try your GP, but be prepared to wait to see someone.
The first step is admitting you have a problem, so well done.
Good luck.
ETA: I'd also have got a much better degree had I not been such a stone-head. What's done is done, but it (among other things) is biting me in the arse now.
Edited by Mobile Chicane on Sunday 1st July 15:39
I think the best thing to do is to get yourself a few more hobbies. This will make quitting easier and will give you something to do. Why don't you start training at the gym and in martial arts, or whatever the hell you want to do that is active. If you are doing that then you won't want to bog yourself down, you will probably meet some new people with interests outside of smoking and it will keep you busy. It can be hard to get off your arse to sort this out, but you'll be happy once you have started doing it. I'd expect your mind to be a bit screwed for a while if you're quitting weed, so just prepare to feel a bit mental for a bit while your brain sorts itself out, while trying not to worry about it.
The only way to get used to chatting up women, is to do it a lot. If you keep at it, then after a while you won't feel as nervous. Just keep at it continually every time you go out, without worrying about the end game. After a bit your confidence will grow along with the paranoia reducing if you've quit smoking and you'll start to relax. It really matters nothing if you get turned down, just laugh and keep at it anyway. This will get you results.
Good luck, I know a couple of people that have smoked weed incessantly for years. They're both shells of their former fun loving selves and spend their days always looking over their shoulder, not having any fun, worrying and not going anywhere.
The only way to get used to chatting up women, is to do it a lot. If you keep at it, then after a while you won't feel as nervous. Just keep at it continually every time you go out, without worrying about the end game. After a bit your confidence will grow along with the paranoia reducing if you've quit smoking and you'll start to relax. It really matters nothing if you get turned down, just laugh and keep at it anyway. This will get you results.
Good luck, I know a couple of people that have smoked weed incessantly for years. They're both shells of their former fun loving selves and spend their days always looking over their shoulder, not having any fun, worrying and not going anywhere.
The Nur said:
Lately I have found myself getting very aggressive but only with those closest to me, like I am comfortable enough around them that they may see how I really feel, even though it is always negative and I generally end up snapping.
When you get like that, remove yourself from the situation, warn people you're likely to explode and that you'd like to be left alone. The silliest, smallest remark made by someone can push you over the edge and make you snap. Thanks guys. Eric, you are right, it was not the best of ideas to start of telling people to f off. Sorry chap, you are one of the guys on here that I really respect.
You guys input is really valued. I don't mind the silly replies at all, it makes PH what it is. If I wasn't expecting a bit of stick I wouldn't have posted
Funnily enough I have actually recently bought a camera to try and distract myself
I start a new job tomorrow, its only a casual research job on the phone but its something.
I don't drive the golf anymore, I have a 328 now.
Apologies for the random, cut up replies. I'm on my phone. I shall reply properly when back at my laptop. As much as I love my HTC It just isn't good enough for this sort of stuff.
You guys input is really valued. I don't mind the silly replies at all, it makes PH what it is. If I wasn't expecting a bit of stick I wouldn't have posted
Funnily enough I have actually recently bought a camera to try and distract myself
I start a new job tomorrow, its only a casual research job on the phone but its something.I don't drive the golf anymore, I have a 328 now.
Apologies for the random, cut up replies. I'm on my phone. I shall reply properly when back at my laptop. As much as I love my HTC It just isn't good enough for this sort of stuff.
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