Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
Great thread- just read pages 1-12 and 49- here so far.
Lost Grandmother to gastric cancer at 50- horrific- mother had breast cancer 2 years ago at 72- in remission thank God- too many of my friends lost mothers to breast cancer at a very young age. Lost a friend a who was 33 years old to a horrendous mucinous adenocarcinoma just over a year ago- survived by his wife and then 3 year old. His blog-
https://nickyboardman.wordpress.com
reflects his sense of humour and is deliberately an entertaining read. B*astard **** f*cking disease still f*cking killed him though.
When he got ill it was a wake up call for me to get some intermittent rectal bleeding checked out- fortunately that was nothing. When you're young- middle aged you know you've got a 1 in 3 chance it will happen at some stage but you dont really expect it until you're older. However 2 months ago I had cancer of the lung confirmed on CT and they're still unable to tell me what it is and they don't even have a timescale for when the surgery to tell us what it is despite exploring all the options and hounding the surgeon.
I have to say to you cancer that you have to f*ck right off and die, you f*cking ****- I have a newborn and a wife who's being pushed by this to breaking point by this and I really don't think will cope without me so take note that I'm going to kick your f*cking ar*hole through your f*cking b*llocks whatever it takes you slimy c**ks*cking piece of snivelling sh*t.
Feel better for that thanks!
Lost Grandmother to gastric cancer at 50- horrific- mother had breast cancer 2 years ago at 72- in remission thank God- too many of my friends lost mothers to breast cancer at a very young age. Lost a friend a who was 33 years old to a horrendous mucinous adenocarcinoma just over a year ago- survived by his wife and then 3 year old. His blog-
https://nickyboardman.wordpress.com
reflects his sense of humour and is deliberately an entertaining read. B*astard **** f*cking disease still f*cking killed him though.
When he got ill it was a wake up call for me to get some intermittent rectal bleeding checked out- fortunately that was nothing. When you're young- middle aged you know you've got a 1 in 3 chance it will happen at some stage but you dont really expect it until you're older. However 2 months ago I had cancer of the lung confirmed on CT and they're still unable to tell me what it is and they don't even have a timescale for when the surgery to tell us what it is despite exploring all the options and hounding the surgeon.
I have to say to you cancer that you have to f*ck right off and die, you f*cking ****- I have a newborn and a wife who's being pushed by this to breaking point by this and I really don't think will cope without me so take note that I'm going to kick your f*cking ar*hole through your f*cking b*llocks whatever it takes you slimy c**ks*cking piece of snivelling sh*t.
Feel better for that thanks!
drivin_me_nuts said:
mikees said:
I'm 2 years in and plan to get married to my new partner next year.
But I still think of my late wife all the time. Will that ever stop? Would want it too? I feel unfaithful to both.
Mike
When I started dating J, my new wife, I felt utterly wretched. It was the most appalling feeling of being unfaithful. But how can you be unfaithful to a dead woman? It's something that took a very long time to rationalise. In order to begin to have an intimate relationship I had to redecorate 'our' (as in my lass's and my room) and replace everything that was in some way connected to my lass. It was very difficult to begin a relationship anything more than platonic and at times I felt physically torn apart - yes quite literally that I was being physically torn apart between my lass and a new life. And it went on for months.But I still think of my late wife all the time. Will that ever stop? Would want it too? I feel unfaithful to both.
Mike
In fact, J said that for the first year and a half, there were three of us in our relationship. Looking back, I think she was right. But I think that's also very normal and very much part for the course in, for want an expression 'unplanned separations'.
I don't think that I will ever stop thinking of my lass. I don't want to as she was so much part of my life and she shaped so very much of who I am today. Why would I want to? But... I'm very aware that you have to keep a perspective on this, in so far as you have to learn to make a context for your wife in your life, that allows you to move forwards with your new lady. it's not easy but it needs to be done, otherwise what will happen is that you will never form a deeper connection with your new lady. Now, that may be fine, if what you want is a 'companionship' type marriage (and there's nothing wrong with that, if that is what you both want).
I found it very difficult to take the steps beyond grief back to having a relationship 'in the now', and I think that many other people do to. our kind of separations were not wanted and they certainly weren't 'amicable' and they take a long time to process. And you will be doing it for a long time to come - even in to the time you remarry.
And no, you're not being unfaithful, or being 'unfair' to your new partner in any way. What you doing is processing grief - and grief is very complex and multi faceted. It is the little things that side-swipe you and sometimes seemingly 'trivial' aspects that can paralyse for days or weeks at a time.
What I learned from this, how I handled it was to finally begin to accept that my lass would have wanted me to be happy and for cancer not to have changed me to the point that I could not function as a loving human being again. That for me was the point of realisation, reached after a real crisis in my new relationship. it took a lot of soul searching and an internal agreement to realise that life can be about remembering and loving and cherishing what I had, with what I could build today and into the future.
I understand your conflict and i'm acutely aware of the pain that goes hand-in-hand with it, but trust in this, you will find that balance within. it may take a while, even up to and beyond your wedding next year - in fact it may even take the wedding planning itself to help the deeper part of your mind accept that life is moving forwards again. You'll never forget - don't worry about that.
It's not the forgetting...
... it's learning to hold with one hand the wife you lost and cherishing the warmth of that love, and in the other, another hand, a new hand to love and love back for the rest of this life.
(and every now and then, we all need the love and support of those around us to help us through the days when the stones on the road of the path of our lives, dig a little too deep for us to make any headway).
As always, all the best. R.
Small update.
I have found new love. Sorry if that sounds cheesy but there you go.
It was hard but I knew the time was right to move on and as we are both widowed it does make life easier as we both understand that damn awful loss.
Will NEVER forget my dear departed wife of 23 years but I now have a new journey to my life and I love her dearly. It is a different type of love but very deep.
Oddly I feel 20 years younger. All the pain, anguish and worry seems to have lifted. Life actually means something now and I actually look forward to the day whereas before I really could not care about anything.
My wife was actually very unique. She told me leave when she was diagnosed as "You did not sign up for this" as she put it and was more worried about my welfare before she died than herself. She even told me to go out and find a new relationship before she died.
I know very well she would approve of her.
For the first time in over a year or so I am actually happy.
I have found new love. Sorry if that sounds cheesy but there you go.
It was hard but I knew the time was right to move on and as we are both widowed it does make life easier as we both understand that damn awful loss.
Will NEVER forget my dear departed wife of 23 years but I now have a new journey to my life and I love her dearly. It is a different type of love but very deep.
Oddly I feel 20 years younger. All the pain, anguish and worry seems to have lifted. Life actually means something now and I actually look forward to the day whereas before I really could not care about anything.
My wife was actually very unique. She told me leave when she was diagnosed as "You did not sign up for this" as she put it and was more worried about my welfare before she died than herself. She even told me to go out and find a new relationship before she died.
I know very well she would approve of her.
For the first time in over a year or so I am actually happy.
Morningside said:
Small update.
I have found new love. Sorry if that sounds cheesy but there you go.
It was hard but I knew the time was right to move on and as we are both widowed it does make life easier as we both understand that damn awful loss.
Will NEVER forget my dear departed wife of 23 years but I now have a new journey to my life and I love her dearly. It is a different type of love but very deep.
Oddly I feel 20 years younger. All the pain, anguish and worry seems to have lifted. Life actually means something now and I actually look forward to the day whereas before I really could not care about anything.
My wife was actually very unique. She told me leave when she was diagnosed as "You did not sign up for this" as she put it and was more worried about my welfare before she died than herself. She even told me to go out and find a new relationship before she died.
I know very well she would approve of her.
For the first time in over a year or so I am actually happy.
Wonderful news. Wishing you both all the best. I have found new love. Sorry if that sounds cheesy but there you go.
It was hard but I knew the time was right to move on and as we are both widowed it does make life easier as we both understand that damn awful loss.
Will NEVER forget my dear departed wife of 23 years but I now have a new journey to my life and I love her dearly. It is a different type of love but very deep.
Oddly I feel 20 years younger. All the pain, anguish and worry seems to have lifted. Life actually means something now and I actually look forward to the day whereas before I really could not care about anything.
My wife was actually very unique. She told me leave when she was diagnosed as "You did not sign up for this" as she put it and was more worried about my welfare before she died than herself. She even told me to go out and find a new relationship before she died.
I know very well she would approve of her.
For the first time in over a year or so I am actually happy.
Sorry to be back with a bad news update.
My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
HD Adam said:
Sorry to be back with a bad news update.
My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
So sorry to read this. I wish you and yours some time for quiet space. If you ever want to talk to someone whose walked the same path, please don't hesitate to message me. My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
HD Adam said:
Sorry to be back with a bad news update.
My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
May she RIP. Please accept my condolences and best wishes to all your family. My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
Don said:
HD Adam said:
Sorry to be back with a bad news update.
My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
May she RIP. Please accept my condolences and best wishes to all your family. My wife died yesterday.
She had breast cancer over 10 years ago which was successfully treated with chemo but 2 years ago, after getting pains on her breast bone, she was diagnosed with cancer in her bones & liver.
The first round of chemo knocked it back a bit but it returned with a vengeance a year ago and she was given a different form of chemo that did not work.
The Thursday before last she was admitted to hospital after collapsing and after a scan we were told it had spread to her brain.
She came home the next day to be with family and went downhill pretty fast.
She went yesterday afternoon, with me and our girls in attendance and wasn't in pain at the end.
I suppose in the words of Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that"
Thank you for listening.
I lost my wife of nearly 31 years back in late June, it was her second bought of this vile condition in ten years, she fought so hard but it finally caught up with her on the 24th of June, Gill died at home, in peace with her loving family around her, the emptiness is huge I know it's only been just over two weeks, so I always look at this Photo as I think it says everything about her...
tdm34 said:
RIP,
I lost my wife of nearly 31 years back in late June, it was her second bought of this vile condition in ten years, she fought so hard but it finally caught up with her on the 24th of June, Gill died at home, in peace with her loving family around her, the emptiness is huge I know it's only been just over two weeks, so I always look at this Photo as I think it says everything about her...
So sorry for your loss my friend I lost my wife of nearly 31 years back in late June, it was her second bought of this vile condition in ten years, she fought so hard but it finally caught up with her on the 24th of June, Gill died at home, in peace with her loving family around her, the emptiness is huge I know it's only been just over two weeks, so I always look at this Photo as I think it says everything about her...
What a fantastic photo, I can see she what fun she must have been to be around
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