Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
And as a counter to Neither and celticstevie's bad news, my mate had his however many months check up this week. He's all good, so there are some of us who can beat this hideous disease. Good news from ecain as well - Semper Fi, as our colonial cousins would say (although per mare, per terram is a much better motto...)
nunpuncher (great username!), if it helps to write it down, do it. I think this is one of the few threads on PH where no-one gives a shoite about speeling/grammer.
In fact I don't think I've seen a single "negative" post on here. Yes, there are utterly tragic takes, but no one has said anything unpleasant to another poster.
I had so e fairly tough (mental) health issues over the last couple of years and a friend suggested writing it all down. I did, and it WAS cathartic. It didn't solve anything, but it helped me order my thoughts a bit better.
In fact I don't think I've seen a single "negative" post on here. Yes, there are utterly tragic takes, but no one has said anything unpleasant to another poster.
I had so e fairly tough (mental) health issues over the last couple of years and a friend suggested writing it all down. I did, and it WAS cathartic. It didn't solve anything, but it helped me order my thoughts a bit better.
nunpuncher (great username!), if it helps to write it down, do it. I think this is one of the few threads on PH where no-one gives a shoite about speeling/grammer.
In fact I don't think I've seen a single "negative" post on here. Yes, there are utterly tragic takes, but no one has said anything unpleasant to another poster.
I had so e fairly tough (mental) health issues over the last couple of years and a friend suggested writing it all down. I did, and it WAS cathartic. It didn't solve anything, but it helped me order my thoughts a bit better.
In fact I don't think I've seen a single "negative" post on here. Yes, there are utterly tragic takes, but no one has said anything unpleasant to another poster.
I had so e fairly tough (mental) health issues over the last couple of years and a friend suggested writing it all down. I did, and it WAS cathartic. It didn't solve anything, but it helped me order my thoughts a bit better.
Good news, Lost soul. Great news, in fact. Absolutely made up for you. Sorry you're struggling with the side effects of the chemo. If it's any consolation at all, the side effects are only temporary. Not much help I know when you're feeling s
tty. My mate described it as having a heavy cold, but for weeks instead of three days. A cold won't kill you, but you sure feel rotten while you've got it. Keep on keeping on.
tty. My mate described it as having a heavy cold, but for weeks instead of three days. A cold won't kill you, but you sure feel rotten while you've got it. Keep on keeping on. ali_kat said:
James_N said:
I posted on this thread a while back when my mum was diagnosed with it. Frankly, the decline has been shocking. Unfortunately now, she's in her final hours. The only crumb of comfort is that she wont be suffering anymore.
Cancer of the gallbladder, which then spread to the liver. There were only 2 chemos she could have, both of which made her far too ill to continue. She's been through some proper st operations, having stents fitted to her liver in order for it to drain properly, but now unfortunately, its nearly game over.
Shame for my dad really, he worked away as a HGV driver for the majority of his life, only coming home for 4 days a month. the past 5 or 6 years he's been on UK work so home a bit more, but he retired at the start of the year, with hopes she would get better and they could hook up the caravan and go on some holidays. It wasn't meant to be and its him I feel most sorry for.
I'll go back and read this thread more later on, for now, I best get my arse up the hospital, but this disease is an absolute
I'm sorry, spend as much time with her as you can & make some good memories, talk to her about her. So she can tell her story, I didn't get chance to learn nearly enough about my Mum xxCancer of the gallbladder, which then spread to the liver. There were only 2 chemos she could have, both of which made her far too ill to continue. She's been through some proper s
t operations, having stents fitted to her liver in order for it to drain properly, but now unfortunately, its nearly game over.Shame for my dad really, he worked away as a HGV driver for the majority of his life, only coming home for 4 days a month. the past 5 or 6 years he's been on UK work so home a bit more, but he retired at the start of the year, with hopes she would get better and they could hook up the caravan and go on some holidays. It wasn't meant to be and its him I feel most sorry for.
I'll go back and read this thread more later on, for now, I best get my arse up the hospital, but this disease is an absolute
"PHUCK YOU CANCER, YOU PHUCKING PHUCKERY PHUCKER. JUST PHUCK OFF, RIGHT NOW, ALL THE WAY OVER THERE. AND WHEN YOU GET THERE, PHUCK OFF A BIT MORE. THEN KEEP PHUCKING OFF."
Lost soul said:
Dibble said:
Good news, Lost soul. Great news, in fact. Absolutely made up for you. Sorry you're struggling with the side effects of the chemo. If it's any consolation at all, the side effects are only temporary. Not much help I know when you're feeling stty. My mate described it as having a heavy cold, but for weeks instead of three days. A cold won't kill you, but you sure feel rotten while you've got it. Keep on keeping on.
Thanks Dibble ,for me its a mouth that's so sore I cannot eat the last few days , although the latest meds I have been given seem to be fixing that and cramps in my hands ,the tips of my fingers feel as if they have been beaten and hands and feet are breaking out in a rash , hair has gone a bit funny tty. My mate described it as having a heavy cold, but for weeks instead of three days. A cold won't kill you, but you sure feel rotten while you've got it. Keep on keeping on. 
but in fact is better than it has ever been and apparently I have developed proper eye lashes + nose bleeds but its a small price to pay , it can be a really brutal treatment but I am sure my side affects are minor compared to many 
).Biggles111 said:
Lost soul said:
I was just under 1 on the neutrophils and my HB was 7;5 
I was wheezing like an old A series doing anything , but after 4 units of red I am strong like bull again
Yes, good stuff that blood! I got through about 24 units of red and lots of platelets. One of the first things I did on getting better was to go and meet my local blood team to say thanks, I had taken it for granted before. I was wheezing like an old A series doing anything , but after 4 units of red I am strong like bull again Sounds like you're going well, good one!
Biggles111 said:
Thanks Dibble, and great that you can help. Needless to say almost all of my family are now donors. Blood donation is something so easy but which really does save lives, without it many of us would not be here.
Cheers Biggles and Lost Soul. I've been fortunate so far that I've not had cancer, but it's killed my sister, my dad and my cousin and had a good go at my best mate. So anything I can do to help is a big "PHUCK you" to cancer. Lost soul said:
Dibble said:
Cheers Biggles and Lost Soul. I've been fortunate so far that I've not had cancer, but it's killed my sister, my dad and my cousin and had a good go at my best mate. So anything I can do to help is a big "PHUCK you" to cancer.
Just back from my chemo light day ,well they decided to make it chemo light today as my blood was still too fat free after last weekends nightmare 
still as ling as I get something each week I am happy
te. Holy fk. Where to start?
HD Adam, don't be sorry about a "bad news" update. Life - and death - can be unremittingly st sometimes.
tdm34, what a belting picture of your lovely other half. It made me smile, laugh and cry all at the same time.
Driving me nuts/Russell. fk. fking fkity fking fk. He wrote so eloquently and I found his outlook and insight inspiring. Truly one of the good guys and what a fking piss take that he died so suddenly and so young, when really, his life really should have been "on the up" after all he'd already been through.
Gruffy - a mate of mine rode TCR a couple of years back and I'm hoping to do some checkpoint type stuff for next year's event. It's a truly incredible achievement to even get off the start line, so every credit to you.
As the OP of the thread, it was a little bit indulgent of me when I started it. I was in a really bad place with my mental health (PTSD with side helpings of anxiety, stress and depression). The thread gave me a chance to vent without having to "invest" any of my diminishing store of being able to cope with "stuff". I've not checked back here for a while and I never know whether I'm glad when I do or not. There is always good and bad news. In a way, I'm glad the thread has allowed people to talk and listen, but at the same time, I hate reading the bad news.
I don't think I've met any of the contributors to this thread in real life, but each and every one has given me pause for though, some smiles and more than a few tears - some happy, some sad, some heartbreaking. On the plus side, my best mate is still clear, three years on and our other friend who also had cancer is still here after 15 (we are all 47). So indulge me a little bit more as I raise a glass of red to you all - contributors, loved ones, those gone, those still here. And, as ever, from me (through the tears), once more, from the top, with feeling:
fk you, cancer, you fking insidious piece of friend and family stealing utter st bag of a filthy scumbag, guttersnipe, piss stain bit of mutating fkup disease. fk off. fk right off. fk off all the way, right over there, and when you get there, keep going and then fk off a bit more, just for good measure.
k. Where to start?HD Adam, don't be sorry about a "bad news" update. Life - and death - can be unremittingly s
t sometimes.tdm34, what a belting picture of your lovely other half. It made me smile, laugh and cry all at the same time.
Driving me nuts/Russell. f
k. fking fkity fking fk. He wrote so eloquently and I found his outlook and insight inspiring. Truly one of the good guys and what a fking piss take that he died so suddenly and so young, when really, his life really should have been "on the up" after all he'd already been through.Gruffy - a mate of mine rode TCR a couple of years back and I'm hoping to do some checkpoint type stuff for next year's event. It's a truly incredible achievement to even get off the start line, so every credit to you.
As the OP of the thread, it was a little bit indulgent of me when I started it. I was in a really bad place with my mental health (PTSD with side helpings of anxiety, stress and depression). The thread gave me a chance to vent without having to "invest" any of my diminishing store of being able to cope with "stuff". I've not checked back here for a while and I never know whether I'm glad when I do or not. There is always good and bad news. In a way, I'm glad the thread has allowed people to talk and listen, but at the same time, I hate reading the bad news.
I don't think I've met any of the contributors to this thread in real life, but each and every one has given me pause for though, some smiles and more than a few tears - some happy, some sad, some heartbreaking. On the plus side, my best mate is still clear, three years on and our other friend who also had cancer is still here after 15 (we are all 47). So indulge me a little bit more as I raise a glass of red to you all - contributors, loved ones, those gone, those still here. And, as ever, from me (through the tears), once more, from the top, with feeling:
f
k you, cancer, you fking insidious piece of friend and family stealing utter st bag of a filthy scumbag, guttersnipe, piss stain bit of mutating fkup disease. fk off. fk right off. fk off all the way, right over there, and when you get there, keep going and then fk off a bit more, just for good measure.tdm34 said:
Dibble said:
Holy fk. Where to start?
tdm34, what a belting picture of your lovely other half. It made me smile, laugh and cry all at the same time.
Thank you for your lovely words mate..k. Where to start?tdm34, what a belting picture of your lovely other half. It made me smile, laugh and cry all at the same time.
I really can't offer anything by way of useful comfort. The best person for that would of course have been drivin me nuts. I hope that somewhere, somehow, he's having a bit of a giggle at our expense and is making Gill laugh too.
You will have s
t days and you will have marginally less st days. Then sometime down the line, you will have a good day. It'll be something as mundane as a great bacon butty, tea or coffee of just the right hue, hitting all the green lights on the way somewhere and then a nice easy parking space. You might not laugh and smile, but you won't feel so much like crying. Enjoy that day when it comes and don't you dare feel remotely guilty about feeling happy. You deserve to.Gill sounds like a fantastic person and I'm truly sorry for your loss. Keep on keeping on.
I've been in hospital for 8 weeks after a motorbike accident (fractured femur, fractured pelvis, fractured wrist, gravel rash). See the "ouch" thread if you want the full details!
I'm making a slow recovery as I've had a few complications (post op infection, pulmonary embolisms, pneumonia) but I've had it easy compared to what some people are going through here. I have seen close up just how fantastic the NHS can be, so I hope anyone dealing with cancer at the moment gets the same level of care I've had.
I also saw an interesting view a few days about John McCain having cancer and people saying he would "beat" it and "win the battle". It was an interesting point of view that people with cancer who didn't "beat" it hadn't fought hard enough or that it was a battle the patient would always win. I know I've thought of people fighting illness in the past, but life is never that simple and sadly bad things happen to good people...
Another friend of mine has had some symptoms return and is having a generally shifty time while the oncologists try to figure out exactly what is going on.
I hope anyone dealing with the st stick that is cancer has a good day today and a good day tomorrow. You're all in my thoughts.
And as usual, as the OP of this ghastly thread, once more from the top, with feeling:
"fk off cancer, you hoofwking bungle of an insidious little disease. Go on, fk off, all the way over there. And when you've got there, keep fking off until you're out of sight. And once you are, go and fk yourself, you utter ttspangle."
I'm making a slow recovery as I've had a few complications (post op infection, pulmonary embolisms, pneumonia) but I've had it easy compared to what some people are going through here. I have seen close up just how fantastic the NHS can be, so I hope anyone dealing with cancer at the moment gets the same level of care I've had.
I also saw an interesting view a few days about John McCain having cancer and people saying he would "beat" it and "win the battle". It was an interesting point of view that people with cancer who didn't "beat" it hadn't fought hard enough or that it was a battle the patient would always win. I know I've thought of people fighting illness in the past, but life is never that simple and sadly bad things happen to good people...
Another friend of mine has had some symptoms return and is having a generally shifty time while the oncologists try to figure out exactly what is going on.
I hope anyone dealing with the s
t stick that is cancer has a good day today and a good day tomorrow. You're all in my thoughts.And as usual, as the OP of this ghastly thread, once more from the top, with feeling:
"f
k off cancer, you hoofwking bungle of an insidious little disease. Go on, fk off, all the way over there. And when you've got there, keep fking off until you're out of sight. And once you are, go and fk yourself, you utter ttspangle."Just bobbed into Health Matters to look at/post something completely unrelated and saw this thread I started was back on page one, so I’ve spent a few minutes catching up with it.
I had a fairly nasty motorbike accident at the end of May last year - shattered femur, fractured pelvis, fractured wrist, post op infection, blood clots on both lungs, pneumonia. 12 weeks in hospital and I’m back in this last week for operation number four to try and sort my non healing femur out (everything else is all pretty much sorted). I’ve got probably a minimum of two more ops and I’m now sporting an external rail/fixator, designed to start “lengthening” my femur in six or so weeks once I’m over this most recent bout of surgery.
God, I feel lucky and I’m truly sorry to read what some of you have been through or are going through. I’m in a bit of discomfort (I wouldn’t describe it quite as bad as pain) and I’m hobbling round on my good leg and crutches. I’ve a way to go but I’m 99% assured of a full recovery by my consultant, so I’m lucky I don’t have the near constant worry hanging over me too.
Thinking of you all.
I had a fairly nasty motorbike accident at the end of May last year - shattered femur, fractured pelvis, fractured wrist, post op infection, blood clots on both lungs, pneumonia. 12 weeks in hospital and I’m back in this last week for operation number four to try and sort my non healing femur out (everything else is all pretty much sorted). I’ve got probably a minimum of two more ops and I’m now sporting an external rail/fixator, designed to start “lengthening” my femur in six or so weeks once I’m over this most recent bout of surgery.
God, I feel lucky and I’m truly sorry to read what some of you have been through or are going through. I’m in a bit of discomfort (I wouldn’t describe it quite as bad as pain) and I’m hobbling round on my good leg and crutches. I’ve a way to go but I’m 99% assured of a full recovery by my consultant, so I’m lucky I don’t have the near constant worry hanging over me too.
Thinking of you all.
As the OP of this thread, which I started really as a bit of a cathartic rant, I’m pretty conflicted about it. On the one hand, it’s great to see some good news occasionally, or even just people being able to vent like I did at the beginning. The down side is that there are still so many people being affected by cancer, either personally, or a close family member or friend.
I guess on balance, I still regard the thread as net positive. I obviously still think my Wing’d Horse of Chav-Tat thread is the BEST THREAD EVER, but I’m pretty proud of this one as well, if I’m honest.
A few of you will no doubt know I had a bad motorbike accident back in 2017 and I’ve still got some more reconstruction surgery to go through to fix my damaged leg. A lot of people have commented how positive I’ve been throughout the process, but to be honest, it’s just a broken leg. I’m utterly humbled by some of the posts on here. I realise how lucky I’ve been/I am in the grand scheme of things and it makes me realise just how great the NHS usually is, most of the time.
When I was initially in hospital right after the accident, I was chatting to one of the student nurses on the Major Trauma Unit about where she was going once she’d qualified. She had decided to go and work in a hospice, which I thought was a strange choice, but she explained that it was the most satisfying of all her work placements and she got so much from caring not just for the patients, but their friends and families as well. She was about 21, but like all the other student nurses I met, I was completely blown away by their maturity, enthusiasm and compassion. I couldn’t have managed what they did at that age - I’m not sure I could even now.
Anyway, fk you, cancer, you fking cumjuggling thunder.
I guess on balance, I still regard the thread as net positive. I obviously still think my Wing’d Horse of Chav-Tat thread is the BEST THREAD EVER, but I’m pretty proud of this one as well, if I’m honest.
A few of you will no doubt know I had a bad motorbike accident back in 2017 and I’ve still got some more reconstruction surgery to go through to fix my damaged leg. A lot of people have commented how positive I’ve been throughout the process, but to be honest, it’s just a broken leg. I’m utterly humbled by some of the posts on here. I realise how lucky I’ve been/I am in the grand scheme of things and it makes me realise just how great the NHS usually is, most of the time.
When I was initially in hospital right after the accident, I was chatting to one of the student nurses on the Major Trauma Unit about where she was going once she’d qualified. She had decided to go and work in a hospice, which I thought was a strange choice, but she explained that it was the most satisfying of all her work placements and she got so much from caring not just for the patients, but their friends and families as well. She was about 21, but like all the other student nurses I met, I was completely blown away by their maturity, enthusiasm and compassion. I couldn’t have managed what they did at that age - I’m not sure I could even now.
Anyway, f
k you, cancer, you fking cumjuggling thunder.Ask him how he’s feeling. Ask him what his worries are. Ask him how you can help. Ask him why he’s so slow/st at cornering/why he has such a rubbish coloured bike.
Most blokes are programmed to give solutions, so sometimes it’s difficult for us to just listen and not give “answers”. Just him being able to talk about it will help. It’s not remotely the same, but I had a full on meltdown with work-related PTSD a few years ago. A good mate of mine suggested writing everything down, which actually helped me, because it allowed me to process and rationalise some of the trauma. Being able to “edit” what had happened helped me make sense of it all.
By being able to talk to you, your mate may be able to process what is going on in his head, which I imagine will be a whole host of emotions. It might even be worth suggesting he writes stuff down, as it could help him with the processing/rationalisation side of things as well. No one else but him ever needs to see it (unless he wants them to). It could be a useful thing for his children in the future and it could be a useful thing for him now/in the short term, letting them know his thoughts/feelings/hopes aspirations, for himself as well as them.
You might have to prompt your mate to talk. Just say “Do you want to talk about stuff?” If he does, fine. If he doesn’t, also fine. He might be worried he’s burdening you by wanting to talk about it, so reassure him he isn’t.
t at cornering/why he has such a rubbish coloured bike.Most blokes are programmed to give solutions, so sometimes it’s difficult for us to just listen and not give “answers”. Just him being able to talk about it will help. It’s not remotely the same, but I had a full on meltdown with work-related PTSD a few years ago. A good mate of mine suggested writing everything down, which actually helped me, because it allowed me to process and rationalise some of the trauma. Being able to “edit” what had happened helped me make sense of it all.
By being able to talk to you, your mate may be able to process what is going on in his head, which I imagine will be a whole host of emotions. It might even be worth suggesting he writes stuff down, as it could help him with the processing/rationalisation side of things as well. No one else but him ever needs to see it (unless he wants them to). It could be a useful thing for his children in the future and it could be a useful thing for him now/in the short term, letting them know his thoughts/feelings/hopes aspirations, for himself as well as them.
You might have to prompt your mate to talk. Just say “Do you want to talk about stuff?” If he does, fine. If he doesn’t, also fine. He might be worried he’s burdening you by wanting to talk about it, so reassure him he isn’t.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling your mate how you feel about it. He will no doubt know already that you’re worried about him. He might appreciate hearing it, even though he’ll already know.
I had a really hard time explaining to my Mum about my PTSD and just how bad things had got for me (to the point I tried to kill myself). I went over and saw her, with one of my sisters there as a bit of a buffer/moral support. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall (my Mum was always pretty “stiff upper lip”). It was really hard for me to tell her what had happened and to be honest, I was pretty upset at getting nothing back from her. She probably thought she was being strong and didn’t want me to see her being upset.
I got home, fuming and upset after a three hour drive (having driven over that day as well). I phoned my sister to let her know I was safely home and she told me our Mum had been really upset and in tears after I’d left. I knew my Mum cared for me/loved me, but it was still upsetting to me that she couldn’t “let go” in front of me.
You’re right, it’s not about you, but it actually sort of is, as well. When my best mate had cancer, I did tell him I was worried, but I also told him I’d be as much (or as little) help as he wanted and he never had to worry about calling me, even in the middle of the night. I know he already knew all that, but he did later tell me it was helpful to actually near me saying it out loud, all of it, so he was absolutely clear about everything and knew he had my support and he almost felt relieved I was worried. I’ve probably not explained that very well!
Also, because PH, what are the bikes?
I had a really hard time explaining to my Mum about my PTSD and just how bad things had got for me (to the point I tried to kill myself). I went over and saw her, with one of my sisters there as a bit of a buffer/moral support. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall (my Mum was always pretty “stiff upper lip”). It was really hard for me to tell her what had happened and to be honest, I was pretty upset at getting nothing back from her. She probably thought she was being strong and didn’t want me to see her being upset.
I got home, fuming and upset after a three hour drive (having driven over that day as well). I phoned my sister to let her know I was safely home and she told me our Mum had been really upset and in tears after I’d left. I knew my Mum cared for me/loved me, but it was still upsetting to me that she couldn’t “let go” in front of me.
You’re right, it’s not about you, but it actually sort of is, as well. When my best mate had cancer, I did tell him I was worried, but I also told him I’d be as much (or as little) help as he wanted and he never had to worry about calling me, even in the middle of the night. I know he already knew all that, but he did later tell me it was helpful to actually near me saying it out loud, all of it, so he was absolutely clear about everything and knew he had my support and he almost felt relieved I was worried. I’ve probably not explained that very well!
Also, because PH, what are the bikes?
Hobnobgti said:
Hoping it might help me to chime in on here - I don't post on PH a lot but am a long time lurker. Lost my Dad last night two weeks after he turned 60. Diagnosed with bladder cancer 2 months ago and its spread like wildfire through his bones, bone marrow, blood, organs, everything.
He lived out in France and thankfully I got out in time just to say goodbye. Haven't seen him previously for over a year thanks to Covid and I'm just in bits, as is my mum obviously. Thanks to French law around registering of deaths and funerals, we were straight into the funeral parlour this morning choosing coffins when it hasn't even registered that I've lost him yet.
I know you never get over these things but I've had mates experience the loss of a parent and they do get back to some kind of 'new normal' eventually, but I'm just completely broken right now.
There is nothing wrong with being broken. You’ve had a sHe lived out in France and thankfully I got out in time just to say goodbye. Haven't seen him previously for over a year thanks to Covid and I'm just in bits, as is my mum obviously. Thanks to French law around registering of deaths and funerals, we were straight into the funeral parlour this morning choosing coffins when it hasn't even registered that I've lost him yet.
I know you never get over these things but I've had mates experience the loss of a parent and they do get back to some kind of 'new normal' eventually, but I'm just completely broken right now.
t experience and it’s fine to be in bits about. Things will get better in time. As you say, it’ll never be the same, but it will eventually get easier to bear. It does just take time and along the way you’ll have good days, not so good days and utterly st days. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. I’m sure getting there to be able to say goodbye will help, because you won’t have that nagging “what if” and I bet your Dad will have been glad he saw you as well. Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff