Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
Still waiting to go in and have kidney tumour removed ( they did say 6-8 weeks ( 4 now ) but even thought they said small / medium , slow growing, confined to kidney , you’re still thinking we need to get on with this , doesn’t help with them requesting a prostrate biopsy , and over a month later no result .
But 3 1/2 yrs since initial diagnosis of prostrate cancer ( large lump / had it a long time ) , looking out window thinking how many more sunrises will I see , worrying about wife / my girl I’m still here & still going , hopefully for a fair few years yet ,
But 3 1/2 yrs since initial diagnosis of prostrate cancer ( large lump / had it a long time ) , looking out window thinking how many more sunrises will I see , worrying about wife / my girl I’m still here & still going , hopefully for a fair few years yet ,
billflin said:
Some very sad updates on this thread recently. Sorry for everyone that has been affected.
To try to redress the balance a little, and in the hope that it may provide some comfort to others (and without being glib), my most recent results are still clear (testicular cancer diagnosis in spring 2022). I am still a bit up and down about the whole thing, but the next check-up will be at the two-year stage since my chemotherapy which is an important marking point.
I am still scared that it will come back, but for now there's no sign of it and I am of course under much closer observation than the general population so it would be caught quickly if it did.
To try to redress the balance a little, and in the hope that it may provide some comfort to others (and without being glib), my most recent results are still clear (testicular cancer diagnosis in spring 2022). I am still a bit up and down about the whole thing, but the next check-up will be at the two-year stage since my chemotherapy which is an important marking point.
I am still scared that it will come back, but for now there's no sign of it and I am of course under much closer observation than the general population so it would be caught quickly if it did.
Very glad to hear your results are all still clear! I had my latest bloods and chest xray last month and all was fine, 2 year mri is booked for mid-May
Never expected to be posting on here but feeling so down over the last few days. Mum has ended up in hospital this week after collapsing. A CT scan has shown lesions in adrenal glands, thyroid, lung and a couple of other places. She had breast cancer last year which she had a mastectomy for and showed no spread to the lymph nodes.
She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
Another who didn’t expect to be posting here. Wife had breast cancer in 2022. Removed tumour within a month and a weeks course of radiotherapy followed. No cells found in lymph nodes. Letrozole for 5 years should ward off any repeat.
Roll on 18 months and overnight she has woken up with back ache. 2 weeks later we’re in hosptial as her pain is excruciating , x-ray and ct scan show fractured vertebrae. Had to wait another 3 weeks for an mri which showed lesions in her spine.One is lower back others below her shoulder line. They sent her home after she had spent another week, a month total ,in a hospital bed , nothing we can do until a biopsy says the consultant with discharge notes. We’ve had to make her comfortable at home for weeks , she is ageing in front of my eyes. Morphine is the only reason she isn’t in constant pain , she can only shuffle around the ground floor of house now when she’s not lying in bed watching tv or sleeping.
We finally have a biopsy appointment which is on Thursday , then possibly another 2 week wait for the results. We feel that’ll be 13 weeks too late. She is already housebound , can’t see this changing. Not sure if postcode makes a difference to care but we haven’t found it to be great. I’ve had to chase for appointments and ask why we aren’t being informed, always having to call the hosptial . Until she is admitted she is not in our care is usually the blx reply or phone your doctor. FFS more chance of me winning the lottery. I did call the doctors a few weeks ago and it took 6 days for a return call , they hadn’t arranged a blood test that the hospital had asked for.
10 weeks ago we were told it’s suspected secondary cancer, we’d have hoped for a much quicker diagnosis after those words were said to us and written on her notes.
Roll on 18 months and overnight she has woken up with back ache. 2 weeks later we’re in hosptial as her pain is excruciating , x-ray and ct scan show fractured vertebrae. Had to wait another 3 weeks for an mri which showed lesions in her spine.One is lower back others below her shoulder line. They sent her home after she had spent another week, a month total ,in a hospital bed , nothing we can do until a biopsy says the consultant with discharge notes. We’ve had to make her comfortable at home for weeks , she is ageing in front of my eyes. Morphine is the only reason she isn’t in constant pain , she can only shuffle around the ground floor of house now when she’s not lying in bed watching tv or sleeping.
We finally have a biopsy appointment which is on Thursday , then possibly another 2 week wait for the results. We feel that’ll be 13 weeks too late. She is already housebound , can’t see this changing. Not sure if postcode makes a difference to care but we haven’t found it to be great. I’ve had to chase for appointments and ask why we aren’t being informed, always having to call the hosptial . Until she is admitted she is not in our care is usually the blx reply or phone your doctor. FFS more chance of me winning the lottery. I did call the doctors a few weeks ago and it took 6 days for a return call , they hadn’t arranged a blood test that the hospital had asked for.
10 weeks ago we were told it’s suspected secondary cancer, we’d have hoped for a much quicker diagnosis after those words were said to us and written on her notes.
god love to all of you, so many sadly similar stories, in such a short period of time!!! now fighting for the right to see the endo team, despite doctors, oncologist asking for urgent referral, found out when we called the endo team medical secretary, some one has looked at my old results and deamed i dont need to be seen, even the radiotherapist oncologist who we saw last week ready for 15 sessions of radiotherapy in 4 places, just said well they are the experts, despite seeing several letters we brought along, clearly showing urgent referral required. god its so draining chasing. its so sad that you get to the point where you dont believe a word they say, and have to keep pushing and shouting to be heard. finally full bloods taken friday, just waiting to see if any abnormalities, as a precaution due to seizures, been advised to install an external key safe, any idea how we let the ambulance services etc know where it is and the code, god forbid if i am home alone, they will need to use it.
just sending hugs to everyone that is going through this, or out the other side x
just sending hugs to everyone that is going through this, or out the other side x
3 weeks since my last post and wife has finally had a course of radiotherapy. I had to take the last 2 weeks off work due to the decline in her wellbeing and mental state.Luckily ,or unluckily ,I’m self employed and my customers are aware of issues and are being really accommodating letting me work flexi hours since original diaganosis.
Still no news on biopsy results or further MRI and ct scans to see if it’s contained or spreading.
Wife is knackered , I’m knackered. Family support is next to non. Son too busy with his life , he’s visited for a total of 3 days in 3 months. Brought his family to visit last weekend and sat in the lounge while his mum in her daybed…for 9 hours. I had suggested he pop in with family as wife ok to see grandkids… but 9 fkn hours. No one seemed to notice I had to go and have a couple of hours sleep part way through the day.
All the talk is money we’re making, money we’re spending , holidays we’ve booked etc.
The daughter usually visits on a Sunday , she offers to stay over for a few days in the week ,as she can wfh, so I can concentrate on my work … then last minute excuses ‘oh i’m busy blah blah blah’. That means another last minute call to my customers to cancel my work. Makes me so angry. I really do enjoy my work ,it’s so frustrating not being able to do any when it could be possible. .
No one has considered my work ,my finances , my health. I think I have 4 weeks money due for the last 3 months which we can survive on. I’ve not gone training or exercised for 3 months , I’m eating s
te food , meal times and sleep patterns are out the window. That is getting me down.
I have to be at every appointment as the nhs is in disarray. No notes are exchanged between departments , she’d probably be on a trolley or dead if i wasn’t there to form fill , reconfirm history , medications and correct them on simple procedures.
I’m fked off with the immediate family … all on me to be the carer so bks to them. I have more support from friends and customers . . I’m having off days but trying to hold together , I’m getting impatient with wife calling “can i do this or that, i’ve dropped this/that”. Had a falling out with a neighbour over something I’d usually laugh off.
It’s fkin hard being the rock.
Still no news on biopsy results or further MRI and ct scans to see if it’s contained or spreading.
Wife is knackered , I’m knackered. Family support is next to non. Son too busy with his life , he’s visited for a total of 3 days in 3 months. Brought his family to visit last weekend and sat in the lounge while his mum in her daybed…for 9 hours. I had suggested he pop in with family as wife ok to see grandkids… but 9 fkn hours. No one seemed to notice I had to go and have a couple of hours sleep part way through the day.
All the talk is money we’re making, money we’re spending , holidays we’ve booked etc.
The daughter usually visits on a Sunday , she offers to stay over for a few days in the week ,as she can wfh, so I can concentrate on my work … then last minute excuses ‘oh i’m busy blah blah blah’. That means another last minute call to my customers to cancel my work. Makes me so angry. I really do enjoy my work ,it’s so frustrating not being able to do any when it could be possible. .
No one has considered my work ,my finances , my health. I think I have 4 weeks money due for the last 3 months which we can survive on. I’ve not gone training or exercised for 3 months , I’m eating s
te food , meal times and sleep patterns are out the window. That is getting me down. I have to be at every appointment as the nhs is in disarray. No notes are exchanged between departments , she’d probably be on a trolley or dead if i wasn’t there to form fill , reconfirm history , medications and correct them on simple procedures.
I’m f
ked off with the immediate family … all on me to be the carer so bks to them. I have more support from friends and customers . . I’m having off days but trying to hold together , I’m getting impatient with wife calling “can i do this or that, i’ve dropped this/that”. Had a falling out with a neighbour over something I’d usually laugh off.It’s f
kin hard being the rock. Indigostr, sorry to hear your news. It is a shame you are not getting the support you need from the family.
I have seen how my siblings and other family members have reacted differently to my father’s cancer,
I think some people don’t want to face the reality whilst others try to keep conversations etc away from talk of cancer in order to keep things positive.
I hope you and your wife don’t get too upset by others. Focus on the two of you and the time you have together.
I have seen how my siblings and other family members have reacted differently to my father’s cancer,
I think some people don’t want to face the reality whilst others try to keep conversations etc away from talk of cancer in order to keep things positive.
I hope you and your wife don’t get too upset by others. Focus on the two of you and the time you have together.
Scrump said:
Indigostr,.
I hope you and your wife don’t get too upset by others. Focus on the two of you and the time you have together.
This is the advice I gave myself on Wednesday after calming down. I hope you and your wife don’t get too upset by others. Focus on the two of you and the time you have together.
Unfortunately I can foresee the funeral and a showdown.
Also found out who I can trust and who I rightly left out of the loop.
A few close friends have known since the original diagnosis. As we had had an ambulance to the house last week it was only a matter of time before questions asked.
I informed a friend of my wife of over 35 years as a courtesy that she finds out directly than through gossip. Within minutes I had texts from 2 trusted friends that they’d had a call , both the friend and her husband with a “have you heard…”. . Some people are w
kers. Both eventually said yes adding they had been told in confidence. .
I was back in phone saying my wife is not YOUR gossip.
Scrump said:
Indigostr, just focus on your wife and yourself. Expect everyone else to be thoughtless / incompetent / rude etc [delete as appropriate] and then you won’t be disappointed.
This is good advice. We had a similar experience here…both with the network of “friends” and also the NHS.
On the former, some close friends of my wife have stayed in touch. I knew who these would be from day one of her diagnosis.
Others saw it as a spectacle to “show how much they cared”….except their idea of care differs from mine.
Needless to say they’ve not been great at keeping in touch since.
You certainly get to know who your friends are at times like these.
On the latter, we never got ahead of the curve, hopefully you will and will get the outcome you want, fingers crossed.
indigostr said:
Scrump said:
Indigostr, just focus on your wife and yourself. Expect everyone else to be thoughtless / incompetent / rude etc [delete as appropriate] and then you won’t be disappointed.
Good advice. Thanks. CharlesdeGaulle said:
Indigostr I'd echo this sentiment but, whilst you shouldn't have to accommodate other people's frailties, some people just appear not to be good at handling grief or difficulties. What comes across to you as selfishness and stupidity may not necessarily have been meant that way. Many people prefer to ignore things rather than confront them. Nonetheless, as has been said, you need to concentrate on yourself and your wife. No-one else really matters. Bon courage.
Agree with this, yes people can be selfish but are often ill-equipped to deal.wirh highly charged emotional situations. It might be worth a conversation around how they feel they can help longer term but as others have said enjoying your time together is the priority.I'm back in hospital with immunotherapy induced hepatitis, ALT went from 51 to 2200 in 2 weeks (49 is accepted upper limit) and my last treatment was 4 months ago. It's not unheard of and felt, and largely still do, feel fine so has been a bit if a shock. Back on max steroids which feels like a backwards step but that'll pass when I get out I'm.sure.
Thoughts with everyone going through something
K77 CTR said:
Never expected to be posting on here but feeling so down over the last few days. Mum has ended up in hospital this week after collapsing. A CT scan has shown lesions in adrenal glands, thyroid, lung and a couple of other places. She had breast cancer last year which she had a mastectomy for and showed no spread to the lymph nodes.
She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
Four weeks since mum ended up in hospital and got the diagnosis and now shes in a hospice and been given weeks to live. I'm exhausted trying to work, be there for mum and dad. Dad is broken and just about holding it together. Its horrible watching my mum declining day by day. She's hardly eating or drinking, has no strength and on huge amounts of morphine. My poor mum She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
K77 CTR said:
K77 CTR said:
Never expected to be posting on here but feeling so down over the last few days. Mum has ended up in hospital this week after collapsing. A CT scan has shown lesions in adrenal glands, thyroid, lung and a couple of other places. She had breast cancer last year which she had a mastectomy for and showed no spread to the lymph nodes.
She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
Four weeks since mum ended up in hospital and got the diagnosis and now shes in a hospice and been given weeks to live. I'm exhausted trying to work, be there for mum and dad. Dad is broken and just about holding it together. Its horrible watching my mum declining day by day. She's hardly eating or drinking, has no strength and on huge amounts of morphine. My poor mum She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
Remember the good times and keep your spirits up, as they both need you now.
You can always come on here for support and to vent.
K77 CTR said:
K77 CTR said:
Never expected to be posting on here but feeling so down over the last few days. Mum has ended up in hospital this week after collapsing. A CT scan has shown lesions in adrenal glands, thyroid, lung and a couple of other places. She had breast cancer last year which she had a mastectomy for and showed no spread to the lymph nodes.
She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
Four weeks since mum ended up in hospital and got the diagnosis and now shes in a hospice and been given weeks to live. I'm exhausted trying to work, be there for mum and dad. Dad is broken and just about holding it together. Its horrible watching my mum declining day by day. She's hardly eating or drinking, has no strength and on huge amounts of morphine. My poor mum She hasn't been given a diagnosis currently and just told lesions in a few places. Being medical I asked the doctor to see the CT report and now wish I hadn't. I haven't told my parents I've read it as cant face breaking them.
How do people cope with seeing their loved ones go through this. My dad is 80 years old and not doing too well himself.
Sorry to hear of your loss K77, I hope you and your family get the support and help you need through this time. I have a friend in a similar situation but his dad now has dementia and has had to go in a home.
Myself am now over 9 months free of cancer and wont be long before 12 months has passed before I went into hospital for my stem cell transplant.
My best friend and his wife who supported me a lot through my illness has now had some bad news as the wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer and the tables have turned, i'm now the supporter as best I can but feel helpless compared to how much they helped me. They were the couple who I went to have a moan with and went to car shows and days out with my friend regularly when I was well enough, she would cook for me and offer medical advise as she is an ex nurse. Now he has to deal with the same with his wife directly and is asking me for advise on side effects. As well as losing his mother to cancer its been a rough few years for us as a group
Myself am now over 9 months free of cancer and wont be long before 12 months has passed before I went into hospital for my stem cell transplant.
My best friend and his wife who supported me a lot through my illness has now had some bad news as the wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer and the tables have turned, i'm now the supporter as best I can but feel helpless compared to how much they helped me. They were the couple who I went to have a moan with and went to car shows and days out with my friend regularly when I was well enough, she would cook for me and offer medical advise as she is an ex nurse. Now he has to deal with the same with his wife directly and is asking me for advise on side effects. As well as losing his mother to cancer its been a rough few years for us as a group
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