How to shave...?
Discussion
Sway said:
Probably the 'ginger skidmark' recounted on the most embarrassing thread - should be in the legendary thread wiki...
Nope it is from the "men grunting" thread if i remember correctly but TL:DR it involved a boutique hotel, a glass bathroom door, a first romantic weekend away with that special lady, some Moroccan food, the after affects of some Moroccan food, a couple of clowns, a duck and a lemurs eyes.
this thread is very funny 
Right, on having another lengthy walk, I tried breaking out old and unused Durex lube and putting some of that down my pants. A good smoothing over my whole crack and underside area.
Well the good news is, I didn't get a sore a$$. The bad news is, I got a seriously uncomfortable squelchy a$$!
Having never lubed up that side of my groinal region before, but being the sexually adventurous type, it all seemed fine and dandy putting some on, if a little chilly. But about 100 yards from my house I had changed my mind. The sensation is best explained as a post-diarrhea moment - wet, cold, slimey and just made me want to empty my pants and wipe my a$$ on every bush I walked past. I walked past a lot of bushes.
Sadly with no time to go home and clean up, I had to bare this for a 3km walk to a client, walking down the road like Charlie Chaplain. The worse bit was, well, being a man on a high protein diet means you can over eat and get a bit of uncontrolled but predictable windy-pops. Usually I can sneak out a couple of aromaless moments in the presence of clients by a cheakily disguised spreading of the a$$ cheeks and no-one's the wiser... sadly, when you're lubed up like p0rnstar on a 4 hours gang-bang, silently sneaking out a bit of wind is somewhat harder... basically I let out the wettest sounding pant ripper you ever heard. I was blowing bubbles or something. And yes, it was so obvious I had to appologise. M0f0. I sure I was about to be offered some tissues... or a nappy.
It gets worse though. Lube doesn't stay as "lube" forever. So by the time I was on the way back this had plently of time to dry out. Now I had sand down my crack! Not that it hurt, it was just incomfortable. But when I got home, pulling down my pants was like a weird @n@l dandruff moment... but man, I've never been so desperate to pull my pants off before.
In hindsight, I have decided soreness was more tolerable than squelchiness, if only in a public embarrassment kinda way.
Well the good news is, I didn't get a sore a$$. The bad news is, I got a seriously uncomfortable squelchy a$$!
Having never lubed up that side of my groinal region before, but being the sexually adventurous type, it all seemed fine and dandy putting some on, if a little chilly. But about 100 yards from my house I had changed my mind. The sensation is best explained as a post-diarrhea moment - wet, cold, slimey and just made me want to empty my pants and wipe my a$$ on every bush I walked past. I walked past a lot of bushes.
Sadly with no time to go home and clean up, I had to bare this for a 3km walk to a client, walking down the road like Charlie Chaplain. The worse bit was, well, being a man on a high protein diet means you can over eat and get a bit of uncontrolled but predictable windy-pops. Usually I can sneak out a couple of aromaless moments in the presence of clients by a cheakily disguised spreading of the a$$ cheeks and no-one's the wiser... sadly, when you're lubed up like p0rnstar on a 4 hours gang-bang, silently sneaking out a bit of wind is somewhat harder... basically I let out the wettest sounding pant ripper you ever heard. I was blowing bubbles or something. And yes, it was so obvious I had to appologise. M0f0. I sure I was about to be offered some tissues... or a nappy.
It gets worse though. Lube doesn't stay as "lube" forever. So by the time I was on the way back this had plently of time to dry out. Now I had sand down my crack! Not that it hurt, it was just incomfortable. But when I got home, pulling down my pants was like a weird @n@l dandruff moment... but man, I've never been so desperate to pull my pants off before.
In hindsight, I have decided soreness was more tolerable than squelchiness, if only in a public embarrassment kinda way.
t... durex lube around your anus. This will not end well...
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