What's wrong with me?!
Discussion
E65Ross said:
Went for another run this morning..... 2.3 miles but stopped twice along the way, I feel so unfit at the moment 
I've never been so unfit in my life!
Breathing was the hardest part, felt almost asthmatic, and I'm not sure whether that's because I'm so unfit or whether it's because the tongue isn't moving properly. I guess I'll find out as I get to running more.
This is by far the longest period I've ever gone with no real cardiovascular exercise so I'm hoping it's just that.
I found the same-after 2 months doing nothing because of a chest infection I was so sluggish and felt awful. Have you thought about doing the couch to 5k programme? It builds really slowly and I'm finding it really good as it reigns back my natural instinct to think I'm fine and go for it! I've never been so unfit in my life! Breathing was the hardest part, felt almost asthmatic, and I'm not sure whether that's because I'm so unfit or whether it's because the tongue isn't moving properly. I guess I'll find out as I get to running more.
This is by far the longest period I've ever gone with no real cardiovascular exercise so I'm hoping it's just that.
So glad to hear you're doing well after the operation!
Geoff Stilwell said:
Ross, 3 months ago you where in intensive care. You could hardly put 3 words together. Your body needs time to heal and your fitness will return. You just have to be patient. If u recall this is what I said to u originally. Pace yourself and don't push yourself to hard. You have had major surgery that many a person would not have made it through my friend. What is that old saying.......mmmm.."good things come to those who wait". I am sure your fitness will return but you have to be patient.
Geoff.
It's not that I'm frustrated or I'm being impatient with how unfit I am, just questioning whether the breathing was difficult because of lack of fitness or because of my tongue.... I'm hoping it's the former as I can work on that. Geoff.
Cookie118 - thanks mate, how have you been? I'm certainly getting there and in reality I cannot complain at all, considering where I was 3 months ago. Not sure if you kept reading this thread but there are some no-so-nice pictures of me looking rather unwell.
KTF said:
Is the granulation tissue a bit like a scab? Only instead of sealing over the hole it is around the circle of skin that was around the tube so it never actually knits over the hole and seals it properly?
Granulation tissue is a part of the normal wound healing process. Its kinda the precursor to the wound healing over with normal tissue. It bridges the gap and then morphs into normal skin. Sometimes though you get excessive amounts of it (hypergranulation) and this actually stalls the healing process.
Anyway, it's all Googleable if you're interested.
I predict that Ross's hole in the head will be a distant memory within the next 4-6 weeks.
Incredible progress Ross. Even your short runs are miles more than most people do.
Congratulations!
As an aside, do you feel your attitude to life has changed at all after going through this process?
I remember being struck by how I would feel if I were faced with such a procedure earlier in the thread (I am a similar age to you). I will be honest and say that it was a bit of a wake up for me, and I have never even met you (though I've seen inside you!)
Congratulations!
As an aside, do you feel your attitude to life has changed at all after going through this process?
I remember being struck by how I would feel if I were faced with such a procedure earlier in the thread (I am a similar age to you). I will be honest and say that it was a bit of a wake up for me, and I have never even met you (though I've seen inside you!)
Thanks 0a
Has it changed my attitude to life? Hmmm this a tricky one.
I would say I probably don't take quite so many things for granted any more. Even when running today I remember thinking "bugger me this feels a lot harder than I remember" but then thinking "but I'm out here, and I'm able to do it" which is something I had never really thought twice of before.
It has made me realise what true friends are, and has backed up what I thought about some family members I have on my fathers side. It's brought me closer to my close friends and family, but probably more distant to those I don't really have much time for, for one reason or another.
I'm not usually self-conscious but I do feel a bit self-conscious these days when talking to people in shops or whatever.... I kind of sound as of I was born deaf if that makes sense. I guess I'll get used to this in time. But.... At least I can talk. 8-9 weeks ago I was still writing on a white board....
A lot of people have asked what it was like in hospital and I said it wasn't toooooo bad except for when I was in ICU. I think anything is "not too bad" for me when compared to how I felt physically and mentally then.... And people then reply something like "at least you don't remember much from ICU" as of they know what my memory is like. I remember it really quite clearly, and I think being 100% aware was quite horrible.... My mind being totally normal (save the fact I was feeling a bit sorry for myself at the tme) but being stuck in a body that literally didn't have the strength to turn over in bed, coupled with the fact I couldn't talk etc..... They truly are days I won't forget and so I'm, I suppose, ever grateful that I'm not there any more!
Take from that gibberish what you will
Has it changed my attitude to life? Hmmm this a tricky one.
I would say I probably don't take quite so many things for granted any more. Even when running today I remember thinking "bugger me this feels a lot harder than I remember" but then thinking "but I'm out here, and I'm able to do it" which is something I had never really thought twice of before.
It has made me realise what true friends are, and has backed up what I thought about some family members I have on my fathers side. It's brought me closer to my close friends and family, but probably more distant to those I don't really have much time for, for one reason or another.
I'm not usually self-conscious but I do feel a bit self-conscious these days when talking to people in shops or whatever.... I kind of sound as of I was born deaf if that makes sense. I guess I'll get used to this in time. But.... At least I can talk. 8-9 weeks ago I was still writing on a white board....
A lot of people have asked what it was like in hospital and I said it wasn't toooooo bad except for when I was in ICU. I think anything is "not too bad" for me when compared to how I felt physically and mentally then.... And people then reply something like "at least you don't remember much from ICU" as of they know what my memory is like. I remember it really quite clearly, and I think being 100% aware was quite horrible.... My mind being totally normal (save the fact I was feeling a bit sorry for myself at the tme) but being stuck in a body that literally didn't have the strength to turn over in bed, coupled with the fact I couldn't talk etc..... They truly are days I won't forget and so I'm, I suppose, ever grateful that I'm not there any more!
Take from that gibberish what you will
Was it physically painful, or frustrating?
Could you think clearly at this point (ie it was a body thing or a brain thing)?
Was it ever a 'brain thing' ie did you think and feel like yourself the whole time?
I missed off the 'just' as I would imagine it's not necessary. Sorry for the questions - I just want to know and it's an opportunity to ask
Could you think clearly at this point (ie it was a body thing or a brain thing)?
Was it ever a 'brain thing' ie did you think and feel like yourself the whole time?
I missed off the 'just' as I would imagine it's not necessary. Sorry for the questions - I just want to know and it's an opportunity to ask
0a said:
Was it physically painful, or frustrating?
I rarely suffered a great deal of physical pain. Throughout my stay the pains I can remember were one absolutely excruciating headache....I'd never had one before that and I have had quite a few since (but none anywhere near as bad, and I haven't had a single headache now for probably 4-6 weeks) for which I had to have 2x5mg of morphine as the first 5mg (I think they were the doseages!) didn't help a great deal. I had other nasty head pains on coughing for a few weeks after this but this gradually subsided. Every time I coughed I would get about 7-8/10 pain which would last less than a second. This wasn't helped by the fact I had to cough a lot becase I couldn't swallow.After I requested to come off a pain killer (or sedative, I can't remember) due to absolutely petrifying hallucinations (possibly my worst experience of all) I got quite a sore throat from coughing almost 24/7 because I couldn't swallow, and also for having a ventilator shoved down my throat for over a week.
The stomach peg was the cause of much discomfot. Whenever I coughed or laughed I got severe abdominal pain. It was because they had to pull the bumper/stop really tight up against my stomach wall because they nipped an artery during surgery or something...this was to help stop the bleeding. After complaining of this getting progressively worse over what must have been a week or so, my surgeon came down, loosened it off and within a day or 2 it was totally pain free. This was one of the most painful things I've had (admittedly I've not had too much bad....a fractured ankle was probably about the same level of pain)
The worst pain I had, I think, was having the catheter taken out. Now, the catheter was cause of quite a bit of discomfort for me whilst it was in, but having it out was the most painful thing I've ever had in my life. They said it's generally worse for younger people, I'm not sure if I was just a bit sensitive down there or what but f
k me it hurt. My blood pressure went up to over 200/135 for that 15-20secs they were pulling it out. I am not afraid to admit I screamed as loud as I possibly could. At the time, that was actually barely as audible as a whisper.Other than that....not much to be honest, having cameras put down here and there, needles in the hands, wrists and arms etc really weren't anything of worthy note.
On the whole, in terms of pain, I would say I suffered very little.
0a said:
Could you think clearly at this point (ie it was a body thing or a brain thing)?
I was 100% compos mentos and I could interpret, think, and make clear and rational decisions. I could barely move to save my life (literally, if my life depended on it, I genuinely couldn't have got out of bed)0a said:
Was it ever a 'brain thing' ie did you think and feel like yourself the whole time?
Always felt like myself inside. Where they worked to remove the tumour was nowhere near my "personality" part of the brain. This sounds great (and in reality is the better prospect, of that I'm sure) but it did lead to a "trapped" feeling. An able mind in a body that wouldn't do many basic functions. This, I feel, was made worse by the fact that these were functions I'd previously had before. It's like the thing where if a baby doesn't have a sweet, it's OK.....Show it a sweet and take it away and it'll cry for a sweet. I couldn't talk (my mum said I sounded and looked like an acute stroke patient when trying to talk...something she only admitted to me the other day!!!). Not being able to communicate was very frustrating....as were the rest of my symptoms to be honest.0a said:
I missed off the 'just' as I would imagine it's not necessary. Sorry for the questions - I just want to know and it's an opportunity to ask
Not a problem asking at all. Only happy to answer. Talking about it does help. 2 family members have mentioned counselling, or finding groups from other sufferers to talk about it. I don't feel I need counselling because I'm struggling to deal with it all, and I'm getting on with things OK....so I'm not sure it will offer me much in that sense. I do feel I need to talk it out though, and I'm generally not the person to "talk about themselves" (we all know the type) and I don't like to keep going on about it to my friends and family....I like to just get on with things and I do feel like I need to just talk with someone every now and again, which is why this helps quite a lot.One thing I haven't done is repeatedly post on facebook on how I'm doing, or whether I feel miserable or not, the only thing I have done is create something similar to this on the alumni page for my university course (chiropractic)....talking things over with like-minded individuals who are also interested in my progress has helped. They're all interested because of the nature of the problem, several view it as a good experience to learn from someone who's been through this in such detail. I did "lose it" a bit once with an acquaintance of mine posting on facebook (not on my alumni page) that they had a s
t new year because they had to stay in with a cold......that didn't go down well The one thing I am struggling with at the moment, mentally, is talking to members of the public....I'm not as confident because I sound like I was probably born deaf. I can be understood easily enough (something I'm very grateful for, and wasn't the case even 2 months ago! but one can tell that I'm "not quite right"
I hope that answers your questions. Any more, please ask.
Edited by E65Ross on Saturday 7th March 21:21
AndStilliRise said:
Hurry up and get fit. Need a pacer for 6/6:30's
Seriously though well done on your recovery. Read every word and eager for more!
Heh, might be a while before I'm running that pace again! Seriously though well done on your recovery. Read every word and eager for more!
Good news is the last 2 days there has been basically no discharge on the tracheostomy dressings when I go to change it each morning.... Suggesting it's sealed (or very close to doing so). That means that in not too long I can be without the dressings.
Haven't run since I last reported but I plan on doing something tomorrow at some point.
A week tomorrow is my appointment with my surgeon.
Turns out my appointment is tomorrow after all! Not Mr and but Vas I'll be seeing (fine by me). But I'm a bit annoyed at my father....
My mum has been taken ill, as I think I've already said, and is unable to drive down from Chippenham. I can't drive to collect her. My father (whom has been helped on many occasions by my mum and her family in the past, more than a fee sentences could ever say) has outright refused to help collect her. It's a 170 mile round trip, so not too far.
My dad has said it's not his duty to get her there, but he'll pick me up at 1pm. My mums husband had already used his holiday and sick days up so his work wouldn't let him have the day off to take her. Cue my mum in tears.... She's been waiting for this appointment for ages.
After much bum-kissing my mums husband is bringing her down, and my mum and I are taking a taxi there and I have told my dad that my mum has found a way to get down and he can make his own way there.
He simply asked why he wasn't going to take us. I wanted to tell him he's a selfish tt.... Not trying to help my mum out on such an important appointment) and that he can sod off, but my mum didn't want any hard feelings whilst we're at the hospital so I had to pay diplomat and said we had made other plans for lunch and we're going to the hospital directly.
Am I the only one who thinks my dad is being selfish?
My mum has been taken ill, as I think I've already said, and is unable to drive down from Chippenham. I can't drive to collect her. My father (whom has been helped on many occasions by my mum and her family in the past, more than a fee sentences could ever say) has outright refused to help collect her. It's a 170 mile round trip, so not too far.
My dad has said it's not his duty to get her there, but he'll pick me up at 1pm. My mums husband had already used his holiday and sick days up so his work wouldn't let him have the day off to take her. Cue my mum in tears.... She's been waiting for this appointment for ages.
After much bum-kissing my mums husband is bringing her down, and my mum and I are taking a taxi there and I have told my dad that my mum has found a way to get down and he can make his own way there.
He simply asked why he wasn't going to take us. I wanted to tell him he's a selfish t
t.... Not trying to help my mum out on such an important appointment) and that he can sod off, but my mum didn't want any hard feelings whilst we're at the hospital so I had to pay diplomat and said we had made other plans for lunch and we're going to the hospital directly. Am I the only one who thinks my dad is being selfish?
I don't think you're being unreasonable, Ross - it's a tough one. I see a lot of the attitude "I am not absolutely required to do X, therefore why should I do it?" these days in all parts of society (you see it a lot on the road too), so I totally understand why it's annoyed you. It should be second nature to consider others, but unfortunately it isn't.
Can't offer you any ideas on how to address it though I'm afraid
Can't offer you any ideas on how to address it though I'm afraid
Thanks crikey. Generally went really well. Had another camera down my nose which showed the once paralysed vocal cord or definitely moving (but not as much as it should) so that's promising.
Overall they were all really really happy with the progress. I was lucky to catch Mr Grundy.... Knocked on his office to no answer, but as we were turning away he was walking towards us and greeted us. He showed us into his office and we were chatting for a good 15mins or so.
Then saw Vas and 2 other consultants.
Only thing is I MAY not be able to drive for 12 months. Vas is happy I'm good to go back and if optometry (Monday) goes ok he'll write to DVLA and say he thinks I'm good to go back. Hopefully DVLA won't be too stubborn and say it's 12 months irrespective.
Picture of me today.... Dressed up smart for the occasion.
I will be having annual head scans for at least 15 years, the first of which commencing in a few weeks time. I've been given the all clear for exercise and so on (I told them I'd been running and cycling..... Cycled 12 miles yesterday with no ill effects).
I plan on having a few more weeks off work to get all the remainder of my various appointments out of the way and hope to go back into phased return to work before May.
I suppose that almost concludes the thread.... Which has been a fantastic source of support!
Overall they were all really really happy with the progress. I was lucky to catch Mr Grundy.... Knocked on his office to no answer, but as we were turning away he was walking towards us and greeted us. He showed us into his office and we were chatting for a good 15mins or so.
Then saw Vas and 2 other consultants.
Only thing is I MAY not be able to drive for 12 months. Vas is happy I'm good to go back and if optometry (Monday) goes ok he'll write to DVLA and say he thinks I'm good to go back. Hopefully DVLA won't be too stubborn and say it's 12 months irrespective.
Picture of me today.... Dressed up smart for the occasion.
I will be having annual head scans for at least 15 years, the first of which commencing in a few weeks time. I've been given the all clear for exercise and so on (I told them I'd been running and cycling..... Cycled 12 miles yesterday with no ill effects).
I plan on having a few more weeks off work to get all the remainder of my various appointments out of the way and hope to go back into phased return to work before May.
I suppose that almost concludes the thread.... Which has been a fantastic source of support!
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