Anxiety, worries and affects on relationship

Anxiety, worries and affects on relationship

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TomJackUK

Original Poster:

356 posts

171 months

Sunday 17th August 2014
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Hi all

So my girlfriend and I met nearly two years ago now, and we have lived together for the last year. It has been amazing and we clearly are massively in love. We rarely argue, however recently this has changed due to our living situation having to change - her job is taking her 120 miles away and we will be doing a long distance relationship until this time is over. Whilst far from ideal, we can make it work with the bonus of being able to work from home some days increasing our number of days together.

She has always been a "worrrier" and has mild anxiety, but due to the above it seems to have gotten a lot more intense the last month or so. So much so that we find ourselves arguing about the most ridiculous things. I am not allowed to walk on certain areas of the carpet because it has been touched by a shoe, or my clothes become "contaminated" because I leant on a wooden fence so now they are "covered in mold" and they end up in a pile on the floor and can't be touched. Rugs get thrown away because a drink has spilled and she thinks that mold will grow on it as a result. The floor ends up covered in sheets because a glass broke and hoovering it up isn't enough. Can't touch the sofa arm because a drop of drink was spilled on it etc...

Whilst I am supportive and understanding, it is becoming a full time job up remembering what I can/can't touch etc. Has anyone else ever dealt with this kind of anxiety or worrying? I have looked on the web for guidance and advice but struggled to find much. I just don't want these things to dominate our relationship.



SpydieNut

5,794 posts

222 months

Sunday 17th August 2014
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Mate that sounds more than just a little worsening of anxiety and heading well into the realms of OCD.

I'd try gently pointing out the tension it's causing-blame it on the change in work location etc if you have to, and encourage her to speak to her G.P.

Lotus Notes

1,197 posts

190 months

Monday 18th August 2014
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Definately worth getting assessed for OCD.

TheBALDpuma

5,842 posts

167 months

Monday 18th August 2014
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She has OCD mate.

This is something I suffer with, and which didn't really effect me when I met the OH. I was massively effected as a kid, saw a psychiatrist and I didn't have any major issue, and pretty much forgot about it until my second year of uni (a year into the relationship with current OH, and about 6 years ago) when something I saw on tele literally flicked all the issue back on like a lightswitch, I then spent about 2 years getting worse and worse.

The conatmination thing is the biggest issue, and the hardest to deal with both as the sufferer and as a partner/friend. Things to me can be "contaminated" for reasons that seem so ludicrous to other people, that my OH found living with me extremely difficult. At my worst I would use pens to turn off light switches, whilst wearing rubber gloves, throw the pen away after so it can't be touched again, take off the gloves and wash my hands. More than once.

Similar situations as you are having
- Shoes taken off straight away and thrown away after treading in poo
- never ever using the back seats of my car for anything (people,luggage etc) as someone who I thought was "contaminated" had sat in there and I was too uncomfortable to clean it but didn't believe anyone else would do a good enough job.
- avoiding certain areas of the house as they are "dirty"

after a few years we were arguing on a a daily basis. I would tend to get extremely angry when put outside my comfort zone, as someone with OCD creates stratergies to deal with issues, when faced with a situation where these cannot be employed the anxiety can be overwhelming. My OH pretty much told me to get help, or leave. I went through my GP to get reffered to the mental health side of things and after around 6-12 months of work I was so much better. I'm not perfect now, but people looking on probably wouldn't know I have it as I deal with stuff much better than before and do things I wouldn't have drempt would be possible. I'm pretty much normal now hehe Every now and then I can still go a but mental, usually when I'm stressed with other stuff.

So in summary, she has OCD, tell her to go to the GP. The biggest help I had was talking to people. for 2 years I kept it bottled up. Once I sought help I was open with friends, family and very open with the psychiatrist and things were much easier just from having verbalised it.

Happy to answer any question you might have, I know how hard this can be for both of you!

ETA my OH is a fker and wouldn't pander to my crazy demands - as much as I hate her for this at the time, if she did it would make me worse, not better. Just a thougth.

Edited by TheBALDpuma on Monday 18th August 12:43

ObSene

102 posts

150 months

Monday 18th August 2014
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Whatever she’s going through can’t be very pleasant. Try and persuade her to make a doctor’s appointment, she does not have to suffer.
Doctor will probably suggest CBT and maybe Citalopram

TomJackUK

Original Poster:

356 posts

171 months

Tuesday 19th August 2014
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Thanks all for your responses.

Just finding it really hard at the moment. Both of us are suffering due to the change of living situation, so the worrying and anxiety are making it 100x worse. I haven't been able to take my house keys for weeks because they are contaminated after being dropped on the floor =( So many of my clothes and belongings have been thrown away. She has been to see her GP and has been referred on to have help, but she isn't entirely open with me about it. It is hard for me to approach the subject sometimes because she says that I am bullying her when I just want to try to resolve the situation.

Craphouserat

1,494 posts

200 months

Tuesday 19th August 2014
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The main the I can add to this is to reiterate that she should get some help. I was very similar to your O/H a few years back regarding some OCD issues. Things got really bad in 2012 - in 2011 we got married, had to reapply for own jobs in "modernisation" and moved house. In 2012 I think the stress from the previous year began to surface and I was very much like your O/H. I spoke to my GP and my work sent me to speak with their Occupational Health pro's.

I better now and I'm not half as bad. I appreciate it's hard for her at first...but I'm sure some professional help will make things better for her...and you.

All the best.

andy118run

866 posts

205 months

Thursday 21st August 2014
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ObSene said:
Whatever she’s going through can’t be very pleasant. Try and persuade her to make a doctor’s appointment, she does not have to suffer.
Doctor will probably suggest CBT and maybe Citalopram
Hah! This one made me chuckle. And two posts in 3 years - that's some pretty impressive lurking.