Anxiety the return
Discussion
I once worked for a german company who decided if I was to keep my job that I needed to open up the sales operation in California. I was bullied into it on the 'well, it's this or nothing...' and having had nothing for 6 months prior to joining through redundancy, I wasnt wanting to go back to that.
Anyway, I lasted the best part of 6 months, 3 weeks in California, 1 week in UK. I was trying to hold down a relationship, I was selling a house and had Petpals coming in every day to feed my cats 22 days out of 30. And setting up pretty much a brand new company. I didnt really know which way was up, the only thing I could do was pretty much switch off my emotions and just do what I was focused on. That was stressful for me. I jacked it after 6 months, inteviewed at a UK company while I was back on one of my weeks in the UK, went back out for 5 weeks and never saw them again.
I think stress hits different people in different ways, because we have different thresholds for it. What someone might think is low level mundane, someone else might find challenging and beyond them. You kind of rise to the brink of you incompetence in jobs and some of that's through wanting to do well, people pleasing, you know, the things you're taught when you're young - work hard, get a good job, do well and life is good. It's not true for everyone
Anyway, I lasted the best part of 6 months, 3 weeks in California, 1 week in UK. I was trying to hold down a relationship, I was selling a house and had Petpals coming in every day to feed my cats 22 days out of 30. And setting up pretty much a brand new company. I didnt really know which way was up, the only thing I could do was pretty much switch off my emotions and just do what I was focused on. That was stressful for me. I jacked it after 6 months, inteviewed at a UK company while I was back on one of my weeks in the UK, went back out for 5 weeks and never saw them again.
I think stress hits different people in different ways, because we have different thresholds for it. What someone might think is low level mundane, someone else might find challenging and beyond them. You kind of rise to the brink of you incompetence in jobs and some of that's through wanting to do well, people pleasing, you know, the things you're taught when you're young - work hard, get a good job, do well and life is good. It's not true for everyone
andy-xr said:
You kind of rise to the brink of you incompetence in jobs and some of that's through wanting to do well, people pleasing, you know, the things you're taught when you're young - work hard, get a good job, do well and life is good. It's not true for everyone
This is an interesting perspective. The Peter principle (everyone rises to their own level of incompetence) I always thought as a insult to more senior people as the rose where they can do less damage as the higher you go supposedly the more hands-off you become. However, in this context of stress and anxiety I think it does apply. As you say I have always been one of those employees who does a good job, doesn't rock the boat, and tries to please. I have seen the benefits of doing that and often have been promoted in order to keep me at a company. I wonder if that has meant I have rising to a point, where actually I can't do the job. Or certainly can't deal with the extra stress it involves. I have had an up and down few days. My office moved over the weekend. Two benefits to that, firstly I now have a 12 minute drive to work, compared to the 1hr15 I had before. Secondly my team (IT Dev) have been put in another building away from the account teams. This keeps me away from some of the people I had a hard time dealing with and gives me a little bit of peace. Felt pretty good for a couple of days but then slight hiccup at work and it set me right off again.
I stupidly had a drink last night. Don't know why I keep doing it. I know for a fact now that it makes me feel 10 times worse the next day.
One of my team has gone off with Anxiety, she just cant seem to get used to the changes that have come since the company I work for bought the one she worked for, so she has been off for six weeks now, putting a strain on the rest of the team, to be honest I dotn see a future for her if this has tipped her over the edge, I can only make so many allowances.
I have spoken to her and you can hear it in her voice, she was used to a small remit in a known environment, now we are global and its all over the place, so much to do and not enough people to do it.
I turn up, do what I can, go home and largely forget about it, I have been through two rounds of redundancy and survived, ended up as a rep for people being made redundant.
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
I have auditors shouting at me, previously I would be panicking, now I just do what I can, then send them answers to their inane, repetitive, clueless questions along with helpful comments suggesting ways to improve what they are doing.
Its been quite cathartic realising all this, its only work, can go and get a whole new set of stuff to do every day.
I have spoken to her and you can hear it in her voice, she was used to a small remit in a known environment, now we are global and its all over the place, so much to do and not enough people to do it.
I turn up, do what I can, go home and largely forget about it, I have been through two rounds of redundancy and survived, ended up as a rep for people being made redundant.
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
I have auditors shouting at me, previously I would be panicking, now I just do what I can, then send them answers to their inane, repetitive, clueless questions along with helpful comments suggesting ways to improve what they are doing.
Its been quite cathartic realising all this, its only work, can go and get a whole new set of stuff to do every day.
J4CKO said:
One of my team has gone off with Anxiety, she just cant seem to get used to the changes that have come since the company I work for bought the one she worked for, so she has been off for six weeks now, putting a strain on the rest of the team, to be honest I dotn see a future for her if this has tipped her over the edge, I can only make so many allowances.
I have spoken to her and you can hear it in her voice, she was used to a small remit in a known environment, now we are global and its all over the place, so much to do and not enough people to do it.
I turn up, do what I can, go home and largely forget about it, I have been through two rounds of redundancy and survived, ended up as a rep for people being made redundant.
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
I have auditors shouting at me, previously I would be panicking, now I just do what I can, then send them answers to their inane, repetitive, clueless questions along with helpful comments suggesting ways to improve what they are doing.
Its been quite cathartic realising all this, its only work, can go and get a whole new set of stuff to do every day.
There is a huge restructuring at work that I sort of knew would happen and was happening, but not to the extent it is happening and I can sympathise with her. I have spoken to her and you can hear it in her voice, she was used to a small remit in a known environment, now we are global and its all over the place, so much to do and not enough people to do it.
I turn up, do what I can, go home and largely forget about it, I have been through two rounds of redundancy and survived, ended up as a rep for people being made redundant.
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
I have auditors shouting at me, previously I would be panicking, now I just do what I can, then send them answers to their inane, repetitive, clueless questions along with helpful comments suggesting ways to improve what they are doing.
Its been quite cathartic realising all this, its only work, can go and get a whole new set of stuff to do every day.
Restructurings, whatever their size, affect different people in different ways. I'm on my 3rd MD in 2 years! Continuity would be good. Very good, in fact.
J4CKO: I hope that your colleague can either find a way to deal with it, or work out a deal to move on. From what's been posted elsewhere in this thread so far, though, I fear (for want of a better word) her GP's taken the easy route - sign off, perhaps some medication, return, repeat - rather than finding out what's at the root. It *might* be that the work aspects are 1 small part of bigger issues elsewhere. I learned a short while ago that I've colleagues who've been signed off for many months, so far, and can't even LOOK at our building, let alone enter it!
Personally, C25K ocntinues. I'm beginning to enjoy it. Music on, out in the quiet local roads at night.
Too busy concentrating on not dying whilst running (!) 
instead of work. It's almost like some kind of masochistic "meditation"!!
Also, my boss saw first hand whilst I was out, what I was dealing with each day. She contacted HR and the person responsible for management development is hiring a coach for me to have 6 or so 1:1 sessions to help me, which is very positive, I felt.
J4CKO: I hope that your colleague can either find a way to deal with it, or work out a deal to move on. From what's been posted elsewhere in this thread so far, though, I fear (for want of a better word) her GP's taken the easy route - sign off, perhaps some medication, return, repeat - rather than finding out what's at the root. It *might* be that the work aspects are 1 small part of bigger issues elsewhere. I learned a short while ago that I've colleagues who've been signed off for many months, so far, and can't even LOOK at our building, let alone enter it!
Personally, C25K ocntinues. I'm beginning to enjoy it. Music on, out in the quiet local roads at night.
Too busy concentrating on not dying whilst running (!) instead of work. It's almost like some kind of masochistic "meditation"!!Also, my boss saw first hand whilst I was out, what I was dealing with each day. She contacted HR and the person responsible for management development is hiring a coach for me to have 6 or so 1:1 sessions to help me, which is very positive, I felt.
J4CKO said:
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
Its good that you are able to get that perspective and live it. For me it is not that simple. I work in IT Development, as a manager leading a team. For those that have been involved in IT Dev will know there are 10 jobs for every person. I could leave this afternoon and would probably have a new job by the end of next week.There might be a small pay cut as my current salary is skewed in my area because of the office move but not massive.
I don't need this job but that doesn't mean I can convince myself that it doesn't matter and I should't worry.
I think I need to find some more help. The testosterone replacement seems to have had 0 effect. Not sure if I need counselling again or actually do I need some training in dealing with people and handling "conflict" etc.
I know that drinking again is making it worse but I can't seem to break free.
I actually right now just feel like crying.
5potTurbo said:
Restructurings, whatever their size, affect different people in different ways. I'm on my 3rd MD in 2 years! Continuity would be good. Very good, in fact.
Personally, C25K ocntinues. I'm beginning to enjoy it. Music on, out in the quiet local roads at night. Too busy concentrating on not dying whilst running (!) instead of work. It's almost like some kind of masochistic "meditation"!!
Also, my boss saw first hand whilst I was out, what I was dealing with each day. She contacted HR and the person responsible for management development is hiring a coach for me to have 6 or so 1:1 sessions to help me, which is very positive, I felt.
I found running was an excellent way for me to "process" stress. After a certain amount of time I just seem to stop thinking about pretty much everything. Your brain just seems to shut bits down to concentrate on the physical motion. It's hard to explain but it really worked for me. You have to get to a certain level of fitness to get to that though, in my experience.Personally, C25K ocntinues. I'm beginning to enjoy it. Music on, out in the quiet local roads at night.
Too busy concentrating on not dying whilst running (!) instead of work. It's almost like some kind of masochistic "meditation"!!Also, my boss saw first hand whilst I was out, what I was dealing with each day. She contacted HR and the person responsible for management development is hiring a coach for me to have 6 or so 1:1 sessions to help me, which is very positive, I felt.
I'm finding my stress levels rising at work. It's the uncertainty that I hate - there are talks that we are moving premises, that sales are down, staff may go etc. How much of this is rumour I don't know, but the directors aren't doing anything to remove the doubt in a lot of peoples minds.
Depression and anxiety have been with me for years off and on, without me really knowing it until it became a bit more serious. Anti depressants helped a bit, but understanding that there really was something wrong and that it wasn't a permanent state of mind was a great help. My wife and children were supportive too. Depression wasn't helped by my wife having cancer and my daughter with a brain tumour! I've realised that I'm pretty resilient and I've felt well since I retired, which removed a major source of stress. There's no quick fix, and I did wonder about topping myself, but was too depressed to bother, and now I realise that it's not a permanent state I'm glad to still be here even though the weather's crap and I have still got plenty to worry about.
This weekend represented an all time low for me. Friday I had a bit of a bad day at work. Nothing major happened but think I was so on the edge that anything set me off. Went home Friday in a state and hit the bottle. I know it wasn't going to do me any good and would make me worse on Saturday but I needed something. I didn't want to spend the rest of Friday evening feeling like that.
Saturday night I stayed up late drinking. I had felt like crying for a few days and it all came flying out. 30 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.
I have phoned a counselor today and made an appointment.
I am wonder if I should tell my boss about what has been going on. He is new and I don't really know him. He knows I am busy but doubt he had any idea quite how bad it is affecting me.
One of our system is being audited this week. The client is a difficult one and so I am s
tting myself about that.
I definitely need to develop my "I don't care" attitude. Stupid thing is I feel guilty for not caring because I am paid quite well. I think those around me who don't give a st don't have to because they are not paid as well. I need to accept that I am paid for my skills and experience 9-5:30 Monday to Friday and anything outside of that is mine.
Going to try and stay off the booze and get back into exercising. Downloaded the Headspace app and will try 10 mins meditation each day. Also probably will go back to the GP.
Saturday night I stayed up late drinking. I had felt like crying for a few days and it all came flying out. 30 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.
I have phoned a counselor today and made an appointment.
I am wonder if I should tell my boss about what has been going on. He is new and I don't really know him. He knows I am busy but doubt he had any idea quite how bad it is affecting me.
One of our system is being audited this week. The client is a difficult one and so I am s
tting myself about that.I definitely need to develop my "I don't care" attitude. Stupid thing is I feel guilty for not caring because I am paid quite well. I think those around me who don't give a s
t don't have to because they are not paid as well. I need to accept that I am paid for my skills and experience 9-5:30 Monday to Friday and anything outside of that is mine.Going to try and stay off the booze and get back into exercising. Downloaded the Headspace app and will try 10 mins meditation each day. Also probably will go back to the GP.
If you're trying meditation then these two books are good, more focused than headspace I imagine. They're both v.similar so I wouldn't buy both. The first one is British. They both have CDs to go with them or audio tracks on the ebooks.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guid...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-Through-Depres...
And this book is good but not specifically about meditation:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/lift-depression-Human-Give...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guid...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-Through-Depres...
And this book is good but not specifically about meditation:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/lift-depression-Human-Give...
944fan: Did you speak to your boss and did you do anything about counselling?
I was home alone last week as my wife and daughters went to see the grandparents in the UK. I didn't enjoy being alone in the evenings and tried to keep busy, C25K, movies with a mate, etc., but had a few too many beers here and there.
Monday's here again, and I'm really not "on it" at work. I keep finidng myself dipping in PH, reading, posting, anything but working! That's NOT good!
Right, time to get on - call my counsellor, make another appointment, bugger off home, go running, try not to die.
I was home alone last week as my wife and daughters went to see the grandparents in the UK. I didn't enjoy being alone in the evenings and tried to keep busy, C25K, movies with a mate, etc., but had a few too many beers here and there.
Monday's here again, and I'm really not "on it" at work. I keep finidng myself dipping in PH, reading, posting, anything but working! That's NOT good!
Right, time to get on - call my counsellor, make another appointment, bugger off home, go running, try not to die.
5potTurbo said:
944fan: Did you speak to your boss and did you do anything about counselling?
I haven't fully disclosed it all to my boss. We have had some changes at work and I have new boss now so trying to find where the land lies. I have said that I am very stretched and resourcing is a real issue and to his credit he is doing the best he can to find alternative help from other teams.I have found another counsellor and been for a few sessions. At the minute in each session I seem to be bringing something new up and it feels like there is a lot in the air at the moment in terms of what I am feeling and the possible reasons behind it.
Had a really interesting conversation with my wife about it all. She has also had a bit of difficult time with college and getting back into work after having kids. Anyway she said that part of the problem she as having was because of the way I am at home. I had been putting this down to being grumpy because I am constantly stressed and worried. She thinks that I may be on the autism spectrum, albeit highly functioning end of it. I did some reading and took some on lines tests and whilst nothing definitive came out there was a lot that made sense about explaining my behaviour and the way I feel and act.
I find the social side of things awkward and this leads to some anxiety. However one of the things that struck me was about how people on the autism spectrum struggle with having routine disrupted. I am very much like this. I don't like surprises and hate spontaneity. I think this maybe one reason why I find my current job more stressful than others because it is so chaotic. In my last role I would work on month long projects with fewer interruptions. My current role is very much constant fire fighting with things often going wrong and need resolving. I am at the point now where I am just fearing the interruption more than anything else.
I am working on my care-less attitude and trying to be a bit assertive at work. I am stopping trying to be the superstar who can do it all and saying no a bit more. Feel like there is some changes I am making and are happening in the business anyway that will help in the long term.
I feel more confused about my situation than ever. There are distinct triggers I know that cause my anxiety but I do not have a strategy for dealing with them at the moment.
Annoyingly I got in to a reasonably good place, didn't drink for a bit, was exercising and felt good. Then for some reason it fell apart. The stupid things is that it didn't fall apart because I was stressed or anxious like it usually did, but because I felt good and thought I could "treat" myself.
5potTurbo said:
Monday's here again, and I'm really not "on it" at work. I keep finidng myself dipping in PH, reading, posting, anything but working! That's NOT good!
Yes I have been doing the same as well. Kind reached a point where the stress as abated slightly and so now I feel like I have given up.Stopping drinking again now and going to get back into exercising.
croyde said:
Funny how Sertraline keeps coming up as a nasty one.
I was prescribed it just before the summer and apart from the first month which was really horrible, I stuck with it and now I'm rarely down, happy to try jobs that would have me so anxious I'd make excuses not to do them.
Not good as a freelancer.
I am more confident as well.
I suppose I will need to come off them at some point, which I dread, both because of the side effects and the fact that I'm sure it's the drug that has mmassively improved my life.
I'm afraid I didn't find it in the least bir funny, as will become clear. I was prescribed it just before the summer and apart from the first month which was really horrible, I stuck with it and now I'm rarely down, happy to try jobs that would have me so anxious I'd make excuses not to do them.
Not good as a freelancer.
I am more confident as well.
I suppose I will need to come off them at some point, which I dread, both because of the side effects and the fact that I'm sure it's the drug that has mmassively improved my life.
I'd been on Mirtazapine for a while, in an attempt to cope with reactive depression caused by over 18 months of the divorce from Hell. I was finding I could sleep for Btritain so I consulted a new (to me) GP.
I have a lot of previous for anxiety, including 26 years with agoraphobia.
For the depression, I was prescribed Sertaline and started taking it. Two days later, I was at the local archery club and was even shooting pretty accurately. Then, I started to sweat and went paper white (I was told). I then felt extremely week so, collecting my stuff, including my crossbow, which was drawn (cocked) but not loaded and tried to leave with some dignity. Fat chance. At the doorway. my 'steering' went and I went down like a pole-axed bullock. Fortunately, one of the club members is a retired paramedic and he called in a couple of his (still practicing) former colleagues.
In the event, I was out for ten seconds and unhurt. Temp, B.P. O2 saturation and pulse were all normal, though I was tachycardic on coming to. I was given the choice of a 30+-mile ambulance trip to the nearest A&E and there was nothing odd to be found.
After a phone consult, another doc gave me Citalopram. An hour after taking the first one I went to bed and woke in cold sheets, sopping wet from a big sweat while I was sleeping.
The upshot is that these two antidepressants have gone on my medical profile with 'do not prescribe, adverse effects' next to them.
This is the tip of an iceberg and after two other nasty events (which I'll not describe now) I find my confidence is shot in a big way. Each event could be linked to my long-term problems so it's anxiety-the return for me too. At least I can rely on the small amount of Valium (been taking it for years) but things aren't great right now.
944fan said:
J4CKO said:
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
Its good that you are able to get that perspective and live it. For me it is not that simple. I work in IT Development, as a manager leading a team. For those that have been involved in IT Dev will know there are 10 jobs for every person. I could leave this afternoon and would probably have a new job by the end of next week.There might be a small pay cut as my current salary is skewed in my area because of the office move but not massive.
I don't need this job but that doesn't mean I can convince myself that it doesn't matter and I should't worry.
I think I need to find some more help. The testosterone replacement seems to have had 0 effect. Not sure if I need counselling again or actually do I need some training in dealing with people and handling "conflict" etc.
I know that drinking again is making it worse but I can't seem to break free.
I actually right now just feel like crying.
944fan said:
Had a really interesting conversation with my wife about it all. She has also had a bit of difficult time with college and getting back into work after having kids. Anyway she said that part of the problem she as having was because of the way I am at home. I had been putting this down to being grumpy because I am constantly stressed and worried. She thinks that I may be on the autism spectrum, albeit highly functioning end of it. I did some reading and took some on lines tests and whilst nothing definitive came out there was a lot that made sense about explaining my behaviour and the way I feel and act..
I think this can be interpreted in a number of ways by you. You can either be on the spectrum or not on the spectrum, but neither of them actually defines you. Let me give you a For Instance. My car is a good car. Good comes from my interpretation of how I think about my car, it doesnt come from the car.
While it's hard to recognise feelings and emotions, and in some cases putting a name on them makes them easier to understand, they're still there, doing whatever they're doing. If they're not limiting you doing whatever it is that you want to do, they can just be there or you can choose to do something about them. It might be that you say 'i'm going to make a conscious effort to be more tolerant of my sister, because I find myself feeling grumpy whenever she's around'
Just back from a week long business trip to Florida. It was nice to see some sunshine after weeks and weeks of grey, sub-zero weather.
One thing I made sure to continue was my C25K. Going out early in the morning, dammed jetlag (!), meant it was still dark, but running along the waterfront and the parks in St.Petersburg was great - because there were so many others out doing the same thing. Old and young, aerobics classes, outdoor pool filled with people swimming laps - and all before 0615. That in itself was energising.
Now I'm back in grey, cold Luxembourg, where it was snowing when I got back on Friday morning, and although I'm tired from my trip, I'm strangely energised. Freakily so!
I can't wait to get out running tonight, although it'll be wearing hat, gloves, tights, l/s fluo jacket and a headtorch, and not just shorts & t-shirt like last week.
One thing I made sure to continue was my C25K. Going out early in the morning, dammed jetlag (!), meant it was still dark, but running along the waterfront and the parks in St.Petersburg was great - because there were so many others out doing the same thing. Old and young, aerobics classes, outdoor pool filled with people swimming laps - and all before 0615. That in itself was energising.
Now I'm back in grey, cold Luxembourg, where it was snowing when I got back on Friday morning, and although I'm tired from my trip, I'm strangely energised. Freakily so!
I can't wait to get out running tonight, although it'll be wearing hat, gloves, tights, l/s fluo jacket and a headtorch, and not just shorts & t-shirt like last week.
Running in some sun sounds good 5pot.
I feel bloody crap at the moment. Taken last two days off from work as I just couldn't face it. Tempted to take the full week.
I've driven myself into a hole with not looking after myself and drinking again. I know I need to stop and I am going to from today. I bought a fun car a week ago and that has had some issues. That is not helping me at all worrying about that. Not sure why I am worrying though, its all being fixed on warranty. Just frustrating.
Feel like I am in a real rut and need a bit of a push to get me out of it. Think taking the week off might help. Considering emailing my boss and telling him I wont be in for the whole week and telling him the reason why. Feel like I would be telling him for sympathy though.
I feel bloody crap at the moment. Taken last two days off from work as I just couldn't face it. Tempted to take the full week.
I've driven myself into a hole with not looking after myself and drinking again. I know I need to stop and I am going to from today. I bought a fun car a week ago and that has had some issues. That is not helping me at all worrying about that. Not sure why I am worrying though, its all being fixed on warranty. Just frustrating.
Feel like I am in a real rut and need a bit of a push to get me out of it. Think taking the week off might help. Considering emailing my boss and telling him I wont be in for the whole week and telling him the reason why. Feel like I would be telling him for sympathy though.
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