I'm mentally broken

[funkyrobot]

Just got pulled into another snap meeting.

Asked what I had achieved since yesterday. Told me I had raised problems, and he is trying to help, but I'm not even meeting him half way, or some nonsense like that.

Asked me what I had been 'messing' around with this morning. Well, if you consider fixing someone's PC (because the third part support contractor has been nowhere near) as messing around, you shouldn't be trying to work in IT. Apparently, I shouldn't have done it and should be working on my project instead.

Also got grilled about the big project. Even though things are broken and I can't do anything because of this, he was surprised that I haven't made progress. Apparently, I told him yesterday everything was ok. I didn't. We even had a catchup call with the supplier today, who told us the problems won't be looked at until tomorrow.

I think he is turning the screw now. It's definitely ramping up a bit.

Starting to not give a fk anymore.

I've also been given 5 massive tasks to complete by Friday, which I cannot physically do in the time allotted. Great eh.

Edited by funkyrobot on Tuesday 15th March 15:59

[happychap]

Do you have support around you either within the work place or outside of it to take a step back and determine what your prepared to accept of his behaviour. By this I mean, when he sets unrealistic expectations of the amount of work to be completed, be clear with him that won't happen as its unrealist. I appreciate if your not used to being this direct it may seem a bit scary, however, what's the worst he can do.

[funkyrobot]

happychap said:

Do you have support around you either within the work place or outside of it to take a step back and determine what your prepared to accept of his behaviour. By this I mean, when he sets unrealistic expectations of the amount of work to be completed, be clear with him that won't happen as its unrealist. I appreciate if your not used to being this direct it may seem a bit scary, however, what's the worst he can do.

No support from within work I'm afraid. HR won't help (as shown yesterday) and I have nobody else to talk to about this as he is such a senior person in the business.

Outside of work, I only have my family to talk to. This helps, but they can't really offer me much advice apart from be strong, do what you need to do etc.

Based on the meeting this afternoon, I am getting to the point where I will start telling him things. I'm usually quiet, just take it and not interested in conflict. However, he is starting to push me a bit too far now.

We have a meeting arranged for Friday when he wants a review of everything he has asked me to do today. I guess that will be when we have a proper chat.

Thanks for your post.

Oh yes, he is also being very friendly with me now. Haven't really spoken a word all day, and since the meeting this afternoon he has started talking to me like we are friends. Very odd and, I'm not interested.

[funkyrobot]

On reflection, I think I annoy him.

I don't bite, talk back, shout, get arsey or anything like that. Maybe he is spoiling for an argument and I won't give it to him.

[WestyCarl]

funkyrobot said:

I've also been given 5 massive tasks to complete by Friday, which I cannot physically do in the time allotted. Great eh.

Edited by funkyrobot on Tuesday 15th March 15:59

I hope you told him this during the meeting, at least when he complains at you on Friday you can tell him you have him warning it may not be possible.

[Sonic]

I worked for a small IT company when i was in my late teens and where the boss and his right-hand man were similarly complete tts. We've all worked for them...

This was my first real job and after a few years of his meddling in both my work and personal life i'd had enough. The pressure ramped up and up over the years until breaking point where it made me sick to my stomach, i couldn't bear to go into the office in the mornings and i knew i couldn't take it any longer. One day i was called into a meeting about something relating to my personal life which was fk all to do with him or his lackey, and i snapped. I walked out the office with tunnel vision to my car; a tear in my eye with no thought in my head beyond just getting away from the office. The boss was in close tow and came running out after me and started banging on the windows of the car yelling at me and then standing in-front of the bonnet so i couldn't move anywhere. All very dramatic!

I only lived a few minutes down the road so spent 30 minutes at home coming to my senses and getting a grip of the situation. I realised the place was just like a pressure cooker and despite having responsibilities and with no idea how i'd support myself i simply couldn't continue. I didn't know what i was going to, just that i could no longer work there without making myself ill. You work to live, not live to work, and it's not worth risking your health for a bloody job and some of a boss.

A decade on and in hindsight it was one of the best things i ever did. I went back to the office, took control of the situation, put myself first, knew what i needed to do, canned the job in, grew up considerably, gained a massive amount of experience and confidence in the process and then moved onto better things.... i've never looked back and it was a very important life-lesson.

[funkyrobot]

WestyCarl said:

I hope you told him this during the meeting, at least when he complains at you on Friday you can tell him you have him warning it may not be possible.

I said I'll see what I can do.

[xjay1337]

Sonic said:

I worked for a small IT company when i was in my late teens and where the boss and his right-hand man were similarly complete tts. We've all worked for them...

This was my first real job and after a few years of his meddling in both my work and personal life i'd had enough. The pressure ramped up and up over the years until breaking point where it made me sick to my stomach, i couldn't bear to go into the office in the mornings and i knew i couldn't take it any longer. One day i was called into a meeting about something relating to my personal life which was fk all to do with him or his lackey, and i snapped. I walked out the office with tunnel vision to my car; a tear in my eye with no thought in my head beyond just getting away from the office. The boss was in close tow and came running out after me and started banging on the windows of the car yelling at me and then standing in-front of the bonnet so i couldn't move anywhere. All very dramatic!

I only lived a few minutes down the road so spent 30 minutes at home coming to my senses and getting a grip of the situation. I realised the place was just like a pressure cooker and despite having responsibilities and with no idea how i'd support myself i simply couldn't continue. I didn't know what i was going to, just that i could no longer work there without making myself ill. You work to live, not live to work, and it's not worth risking your health for a bloody job and some of a boss.

A decade on and in hindsight it was one of the best things i ever did. I went back to the office, took control of the situation, put myself first, knew what i needed to do, canned the job in, grew up considerably, gained a massive amount of experience and confidence in the process and then moved onto better things.... i've never looked back and it was a very important life-lesson.

That sounds very stressful man!

I had a similar issue at my second company I worked at. They found my Tumblr account and started stalking it to find out stuff to mock me for in the issue.
When loads of people left I posted, privately I might add, that "at work it feels like a sinking ship" and I had an interview at a rival company, which had already lost 2 members of staff to, which they somehow found out about.

MD (a very short man who was seriously overcompensating) called me a cu*t and suspended me without pay pending "gross misconduct". I was fired 2 days later after 11 months and 3 weeks of employment (at the time you only needed 1 year to be "safe" in employment).

[happychap]

funkyrobot said:

No support from within work I'm afraid. HR won't help (as shown yesterday) and I have nobody else to talk to about this as he is such a senior person in the business.

Outside of work, I only have my family to talk to. This helps, but they can't really offer me much advice apart from be strong, do what you need to do etc.

Based on the meeting this afternoon, I am getting to the point where I will start telling him things. I'm usually quiet, just take it and not interested in conflict. However, he is starting to push me a bit too far now.

We have a meeting arranged for Friday when he wants a review of everything he has asked me to do today. I guess that will be when we have a proper chat.

Thanks for your post.

Oh yes, he is also being very friendly with me now. Haven't really spoken a word all day, and since the meeting this afternoon he has started talking to me like we are friends. Very odd and, I'm not interested.

Have a bit of fun, go in tomorrow and tell him that meeting on Friday will be pointless as you can already estimate what work will be completed based on what's realistic. Taking back your autonomy can be liberating and scary at the same time, just keep reminding yourself that he needs you more than you need him. And don't forget, fk em

[funkyrobot]

happychap said:

Have a bit of fun, go in tomorrow and tell him that meeting on Friday will be pointless as you can already estimate what work will be completed based on what's realistic. Taking back your autonomy can be liberating and scary at the same time, just keep reminding yourself that he needs you more than you need him. And don't forget, fk em

I haven't got the mental strength to do that yet. The willpower is definitely building though.

I think Friday could be interesting.

[Craikeybaby]

Have you documented the requests from the meeting? It sounds like your boss has selective memory of what was agreed/said in previous meetings.

Edited by Craikeybaby on Tuesday 15th March 21:48

[funkyrobot]

Good point. No, haven't. I only have notes about what I need to do.

Will start doing that.

[Vaud]

funkyrobot said:

Good point. No, haven't. I only have notes about what I need to do.

Will start doing that.

Doesn't have to be war and peace. Bullet points are good. Keep it factual. Dates, times, etc. Print any emails. Having a file helps.



If you have meeting, and your boss doesn't document the agreement, it can be useful for you to document it.

No legalese, just:

Dear Loony,

Just to summarise our meeting. When we meet on Friday you need an update on:

• Project A, B, C (we agreed are priority but resource constrained)
• Key tasks: (list)
• De-prioirtised projects G, H...... Z (as time allows, reasonable endeavours)

Please update if this doesn't reflect the agreement.

Thanks
Miracle Worker

[funkyrobot]

Thanks.

Will knock something up tomorrow when I get to work.

If I'm honest, the 'messing around' comment was really uncalled for today. That did nearly make me respond.

[Vaud]

funkyrobot said:

Thanks.

Will knock something up tomorrow when I get to work.

If I'm honest, the 'messing around' comment was really uncalled for today. That did nearly make me respond.

I'm not surprised. Not being emotive is very, very hard in these situations. Happy to chat by PM if it's of any help.

[Flooble]

Can you keep a brief timesheet of what you are doing (and who asked you to do it). That would also be helpful. Start Time, Task, End Time, Requested By.

Do your projects have a proper project manager who is keeping issue/action/risk registers? If not, maybe knock one up yourself (Issue Description/Assigned To/Assigned Date/Due Date would be enough to start with). Then send a "project status report" each evening ...

Having documents helps you to start taking control instead of having to absorb it all.

[PurpleTurtle]

funkyrobot said:

Just got pulled into another snap meeting....

Just playing Devil's Advocate here OP ... you posted this at 15:41. Isn't that during the working day?

I know many of us are guilty of it, but are you posting on PH during their time, using their IT?

Just a thought, but if I were you I would be very careful about my (traceable) personal internet usage on company time, having raised this grievance. You wouldn't be the first or last to be engineered out on that basis.

[funkyrobot]

PurpleTurtle said:

Just playing Devil's Advocate here OP ... you posted this at 15:41. Isn't that during the working day?

I know many of us are guilty of it, but are you posting on PH during their time, using their IT?

Just a thought, but if I were you I would be very careful about my (traceable) personal internet usage on company time, having raised this grievance. You wouldn't be the first or last to be engineered out on that basis.

You are quite correct.

As I haven't been at the company for two years yet, and as I understand it, they can just get rid of my anyway. They could quite easily engineer something about my internet usage, say my work isn't up to scratch, say my attitude stinks etc. They could do anything they want to get rid of me. Therefore, I haven't been too bothered about my internet usage.

I've been awake since 4 this morning worrying about things anyway. To be honest, I'm in a good mind to tell them to stick it today, so we'll see what happens.

Edited by funkyrobot on Wednesday 16th March 07:10

[funkyrobot]

Flooble said:

Can you keep a brief timesheet of what you are doing (and who asked you to do it). That would also be helpful. Start Time, Task, End Time, Requested By.

Do your projects have a proper project manager who is keeping issue/action/risk registers? If not, maybe knock one up yourself (Issue Description/Assigned To/Assigned Date/Due Date would be enough to start with). Then send a "project status report" each evening ...

Having documents helps you to start taking control instead of having to absorb it all.

Started that yesterday. Thanks for your input.

Project is mine, although there is a manager poorly managing the third party company involvement.

[funkyrobot]

Vaud said:

I'm not surprised. Not being emotive is very, very hard in these situations. Happy to chat by PM if it's of any help.

Thanks. I'll see how I feel later.