I'm mentally broken
Discussion
funkyrobot said:
You are quite correct.
As I haven't been at the company for two years yet, and as I understand it, they can just get rid of my anyway. They could quite easily engineer something about my internet usage, say my work isn't up to scratch, say my attitude stinks etc. They could do anything they want to get rid of me. Therefore, I haven't been too bothered about my internet usage.
I've been awake since 4 this morning worrying about things anyway. To be honest, I'm in a good mind to tell them to stick it today, so we'll see what happens.
Telling them to stick it, but then what about your finances with your family?As I haven't been at the company for two years yet, and as I understand it, they can just get rid of my anyway. They could quite easily engineer something about my internet usage, say my work isn't up to scratch, say my attitude stinks etc. They could do anything they want to get rid of me. Therefore, I haven't been too bothered about my internet usage.
I've been awake since 4 this morning worrying about things anyway. To be honest, I'm in a good mind to tell them to stick it today, so we'll see what happens.
Edited by funkyrobot on Wednesday 16th March 07:10
It's quite easy to find another job in a short time period..even more so if you are working than unemployed.
xjay1337 said:
Telling them to stick it, but then what about your finances with your family?
It's quite easy to find another job in a short time period..even more so if you are working than unemployed.
I have enough to run the house for a few months without work. However, I don't wish to go down this route.It's quite easy to find another job in a short time period..even more so if you are working than unemployed.
Will see how today goes.
Hi OP
I would actively seek another job, I work in IT and can relate relate to what you say, find another role, you will be fine. Some roles grind you down and you find yourself stuck in a room that is caving in I found
Also I wouldn't get too paranoid, or read to much into your current boss/company, its easier to miss read how they come across and get paranoid. Sometimes it creates a vicious circle of employee thinking they are not wanted/liked/respected (when it isnt true) and they can live up to this expectation, kinda like a self fulfilling prophecy
I would ensure your CV is up to scratch and knuckle down for a new role
I would actively seek another job, I work in IT and can relate relate to what you say, find another role, you will be fine. Some roles grind you down and you find yourself stuck in a room that is caving in I found
Also I wouldn't get too paranoid, or read to much into your current boss/company, its easier to miss read how they come across and get paranoid. Sometimes it creates a vicious circle of employee thinking they are not wanted/liked/respected (when it isnt true) and they can live up to this expectation, kinda like a self fulfilling prophecy
I would ensure your CV is up to scratch and knuckle down for a new role
Nothing to add to the reams of sound advice which is being given here but wanted to say thanks to the OP and all contributing to this thread.
By bizarre chance my gf is going through pretty much the exact same thing at the same time, she read the thread when it opened and has been checking it regularly since. It's great as the advice here mirrors what I and others have been telling her, to see it in this context though helps I think as everyone here is outside of the potential confirmation bias bubble and so it seems to sink in more.
Thanks all and stick with it OP, you will prevail in the end.
By bizarre chance my gf is going through pretty much the exact same thing at the same time, she read the thread when it opened and has been checking it regularly since. It's great as the advice here mirrors what I and others have been telling her, to see it in this context though helps I think as everyone here is outside of the potential confirmation bias bubble and so it seems to sink in more.
Thanks all and stick with it OP, you will prevail in the end.
Flooble said:
Can you keep a brief timesheet of what you are doing (and who asked you to do it). That would also be helpful. Start Time, Task, End Time, Requested By.
Did this and sent one over yesterday. Said I would do it daily for my manager so he can see where my time goes.He told me this morning that he doesn't want that anymore as it is too detailed. He wants me to write a list of what I would like to achieve on a weekly basis, then update the list with progression.
You are me AICMFP! 
More seriously, I think everyone else has covered it already, just want to add my voice to the mix, as your current experience sounds like a more severe version of what I've recently been through, right down to the behaviours of the boss (PM me if you want a private chat). My advice is simple: If you have a little money behind you, give notice and leave, NOW!*. Take a few weeks to clear your head - exercise, travel, catch up with hobbies - be selfish**, give your emotions time to settle. Then go temping/contracting for a short time, THEN get another permanent job.
Your manager is clearly trying to push you out, and under law you have very little recourse...you won't stick it out for the next 5 months until you reach 2 years as your boss will performance-manage you out before then (this is what he's already starting to do, it appears), and he'll just wear you down / make you feel worse. So write this job off, but probably NOT your career path - this sounds like a bad boss/bad culture. 18 mths service isn't a bad length of time on a CV, so unless your industry is very incestuous you'll just need a sensible reason for moving on.
(All this is assuming you don't get full sick pay, as I think you suggested early on - if you do get sick-pay, then go back to the doctors again - you need to get yourself in a decent place in order to do well at interviews and do well at the next job)
Whatever you do - good luck! And understand that as soon as you're out of the environment you'll start getting better.
* Yes, you're being pushed out...but the only thing damaged by that is your pride. Sometimes, sorry to say, life isn't fair and your pride has to take 2nd place to your health and wellbeing.
And yes, you will lose some of your rainy day fund, but please accept this is what it's for, if you haven't already - your fiancee and daughter, from the sounds of things, would both rather they had "the old you back"...
** Anxiety/depression is often self-reinforced by the guilt of "Not pulling your weight" at home / not doing the jobs you should be doing / not being as good a friend/fiance/dad/etc... - you absolutely have to park that for now, understand that you can't "do it all" right now, and focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Pretty soon being selfish will start to encompass quality time with the family, WANTING to do those little jobs around the house, and wanting to go for a beer with your mates again.
More seriously, I think everyone else has covered it already, just want to add my voice to the mix, as your current experience sounds like a more severe version of what I've recently been through, right down to the behaviours of the boss (PM me if you want a private chat). My advice is simple: If you have a little money behind you, give notice and leave, NOW!*. Take a few weeks to clear your head - exercise, travel, catch up with hobbies - be selfish**, give your emotions time to settle. Then go temping/contracting for a short time, THEN get another permanent job.
Your manager is clearly trying to push you out, and under law you have very little recourse...you won't stick it out for the next 5 months until you reach 2 years as your boss will performance-manage you out before then (this is what he's already starting to do, it appears), and he'll just wear you down / make you feel worse. So write this job off, but probably NOT your career path - this sounds like a bad boss/bad culture. 18 mths service isn't a bad length of time on a CV, so unless your industry is very incestuous you'll just need a sensible reason for moving on.
(All this is assuming you don't get full sick pay, as I think you suggested early on - if you do get sick-pay, then go back to the doctors again - you need to get yourself in a decent place in order to do well at interviews and do well at the next job)
Whatever you do - good luck! And understand that as soon as you're out of the environment you'll start getting better.
* Yes, you're being pushed out...but the only thing damaged by that is your pride. Sometimes, sorry to say, life isn't fair and your pride has to take 2nd place to your health and wellbeing.
And yes, you will lose some of your rainy day fund, but please accept this is what it's for, if you haven't already - your fiancee and daughter, from the sounds of things, would both rather they had "the old you back"...
** Anxiety/depression is often self-reinforced by the guilt of "Not pulling your weight" at home / not doing the jobs you should be doing / not being as good a friend/fiance/dad/etc... - you absolutely have to park that for now, understand that you can't "do it all" right now, and focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Pretty soon being selfish will start to encompass quality time with the family, WANTING to do those little jobs around the house, and wanting to go for a beer with your mates again.
* Yes, you're being pushed out...but the only thing damaged by that is your pride. Sometimes, sorry to say, life isn't fair and your pride has to take 2nd place to your health and wellbeing.
And yes, you will lose some of your rainy day fund, but please accept this is what it's for, if you haven't already - your fiancee and daughter, from the sounds of things, would both rather they had "the old you back"...
** Anxiety/depression is often self-reinforced by the guilt of "Not pulling your weight" at home / not doing the jobs you should be doing / not being as good a friend/fiance/dad/etc... - you absolutely have to park that for now, understand that you can't "do it all" right now, and focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Pretty soon being selfish will start to encompass quality time with the family, WANTING to do those little jobs around the house, and wanting to go for a beer with your mates again.
[/quote]
This is good advice and might be what the OP needs to do. However, these types of people are in every day life and the OP has an opportunity to learn new ways of dealing with such individuals and situations. Sometimes we have to learn new ways of operating in these environments.
funkyrobot said:
Did this and sent one over yesterday. Said I would do it daily for my manager so he can see where my time goes.
He told me this morning that he doesn't want that anymore as it is too detailed. He wants me to write a list of what I would like to achieve on a weekly basis, then update the list with progression.
You have him on the run ... He told me this morning that he doesn't want that anymore as it is too detailed. He wants me to write a list of what I would like to achieve on a weekly basis, then update the list with progression.
Keep the timesheet going anyway, just don't send it daily. Make sure it's logged somewhere auditable.
Sounds like he also just gave you a free hand to manage your own diary by setting out what you want to achieve each week. So now, if new tasks come in during the week which weren't on your Friday projection for the week ahead ... make sure he gets notified of them and is given the option to prioritize your workload.
havoc said:
You are me AICMFP!
More seriously, I think everyone else has covered it already, just want to add my voice to the mix, as your current experience sounds like a more severe version of what I've recently been through, right down to the behaviours of the boss (PM me if you want a private chat). My advice is simple: If you have a little money behind you, give notice and leave, NOW!*. Take a few weeks to clear your head - exercise, travel, catch up with hobbies - be selfish**, give your emotions time to settle. Then go temping/contracting for a short time, THEN get another permanent job.
Your manager is clearly trying to push you out, and under law you have very little recourse...you won't stick it out for the next 5 months until you reach 2 years as your boss will performance-manage you out before then (this is what he's already starting to do, it appears), and he'll just wear you down / make you feel worse. So write this job off, but probably NOT your career path - this sounds like a bad boss/bad culture. 18 mths service isn't a bad length of time on a CV, so unless your industry is very incestuous you'll just need a sensible reason for moving on.
(All this is assuming you don't get full sick pay, as I think you suggested early on - if you do get sick-pay, then go back to the doctors again - you need to get yourself in a decent place in order to do well at interviews and do well at the next job)
Whatever you do - good luck! And understand that as soon as you're out of the environment you'll start getting better.
* Yes, you're being pushed out...but the only thing damaged by that is your pride. Sometimes, sorry to say, life isn't fair and your pride has to take 2nd place to your health and wellbeing.
And yes, you will lose some of your rainy day fund, but please accept this is what it's for, if you haven't already - your fiancee and daughter, from the sounds of things, would both rather they had "the old you back"...
** Anxiety/depression is often self-reinforced by the guilt of "Not pulling your weight" at home / not doing the jobs you should be doing / not being as good a friend/fiance/dad/etc... - you absolutely have to park that for now, understand that you can't "do it all" right now, and focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Pretty soon being selfish will start to encompass quality time with the family, WANTING to do those little jobs around the house, and wanting to go for a beer with your mates again.
Agree with all this. It was me who suggested revisiting the doc and I still think this would be wise. I have been through similar experience (Although I was luckier in that my boss was supportive in my recovery) but I had something like 7 weeks off work. Could barely interact with other humans for a while - and by that I even mean chatting to the checkout girl while paying for shopping. More seriously, I think everyone else has covered it already, just want to add my voice to the mix, as your current experience sounds like a more severe version of what I've recently been through, right down to the behaviours of the boss (PM me if you want a private chat). My advice is simple: If you have a little money behind you, give notice and leave, NOW!*. Take a few weeks to clear your head - exercise, travel, catch up with hobbies - be selfish**, give your emotions time to settle. Then go temping/contracting for a short time, THEN get another permanent job.
Your manager is clearly trying to push you out, and under law you have very little recourse...you won't stick it out for the next 5 months until you reach 2 years as your boss will performance-manage you out before then (this is what he's already starting to do, it appears), and he'll just wear you down / make you feel worse. So write this job off, but probably NOT your career path - this sounds like a bad boss/bad culture. 18 mths service isn't a bad length of time on a CV, so unless your industry is very incestuous you'll just need a sensible reason for moving on.
(All this is assuming you don't get full sick pay, as I think you suggested early on - if you do get sick-pay, then go back to the doctors again - you need to get yourself in a decent place in order to do well at interviews and do well at the next job)
Whatever you do - good luck! And understand that as soon as you're out of the environment you'll start getting better.
* Yes, you're being pushed out...but the only thing damaged by that is your pride. Sometimes, sorry to say, life isn't fair and your pride has to take 2nd place to your health and wellbeing.
And yes, you will lose some of your rainy day fund, but please accept this is what it's for, if you haven't already - your fiancee and daughter, from the sounds of things, would both rather they had "the old you back"...
** Anxiety/depression is often self-reinforced by the guilt of "Not pulling your weight" at home / not doing the jobs you should be doing / not being as good a friend/fiance/dad/etc... - you absolutely have to park that for now, understand that you can't "do it all" right now, and focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Pretty soon being selfish will start to encompass quality time with the family, WANTING to do those little jobs around the house, and wanting to go for a beer with your mates again.
I know too many people who have been through this kind of pain - all of them are a lot stronger for having got through it. You will be too
Thanks all.
I am taking everything on board and the advice being given on here is amazing.
I had a better day today because I have tried to stop worrying and have changed the way I think. I have got beyond the worry of not having this job and am going to invest the time in finding something else. Ive taken a step back at work and it's amazing what you see when you do this.
I see a very bitter department being run by a cocky, arrogant, rude, damn right nasty control freak. I have noticed that for all of the bullying and crap that he has thrown at me, he isn't a strong person at all. He likes to control people and bully them to get his way. If you stand up to the bully, he will break.
I have really cracked on at work over the last few days and have shown him a lot of progress. He seems surprised by this. I have sat at my desk, quietly getting on with things. I'm only really speaking when I have to and when I'm spoken to.
I have noticed that my dept consists of spiteful, opinionated women who rely on my manager and jump when told to. They are ignoring me at the moment, but that doesn't bother me. If anything, my company have a bad track record of helping employees who are sick for genuine reasons. You are treated like an outsider; like someone who has done something odd abs isn't towing the company line.
It's all bulls
t. It's utterly pathetic and all that matters to me are my family.
I'm staying there for as long as I need to. However, I don't care about the place anymore and I am certainly not going to let it make me Ill.
I'll see about a doctors appointment after the weekend.
Thanks again all.
I am taking everything on board and the advice being given on here is amazing.
I had a better day today because I have tried to stop worrying and have changed the way I think. I have got beyond the worry of not having this job and am going to invest the time in finding something else. Ive taken a step back at work and it's amazing what you see when you do this.
I see a very bitter department being run by a cocky, arrogant, rude, damn right nasty control freak. I have noticed that for all of the bullying and crap that he has thrown at me, he isn't a strong person at all. He likes to control people and bully them to get his way. If you stand up to the bully, he will break.
I have really cracked on at work over the last few days and have shown him a lot of progress. He seems surprised by this. I have sat at my desk, quietly getting on with things. I'm only really speaking when I have to and when I'm spoken to.
I have noticed that my dept consists of spiteful, opinionated women who rely on my manager and jump when told to. They are ignoring me at the moment, but that doesn't bother me. If anything, my company have a bad track record of helping employees who are sick for genuine reasons. You are treated like an outsider; like someone who has done something odd abs isn't towing the company line.
It's all bulls
t. It's utterly pathetic and all that matters to me are my family.I'm staying there for as long as I need to. However, I don't care about the place anymore and I am certainly not going to let it make me Ill.
I'll see about a doctors appointment after the weekend.
Thanks again all.
Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 17th March 22:57
Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 17th March 22:59
Hi Funkyrobot, as the others have said already you aren't alone in this. I can't offer any advise as I feel we are all different in how we go pop and how we heal (not only that but I hit things with big hammers for a living so what the hell do I know 
).
Like you I've looked down the barrel of despair and somehow blundered through to still be here. You're looking in the right direction and are talking to professionals. The hard part is done and we are all here if and when you need us.
). Like you I've looked down the barrel of despair and somehow blundered through to still be here. You're looking in the right direction and are talking to professionals. The hard part is done and we are all here if and when you need us.
It's a bit trite, and an excerpt from West Wing but it's a quote I remember (and shamelessly copy/paste) and it seems apt for this thread.
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
I don't buy the earlier comments relating to 'you shouldn't have said you needed time off and it wasn't your decision
It absolutely was, you're in charge of your own actions/reactions especially when it comes to how you mentally deal with your boss
I can't tell you what to do but I think from the sounds of it, whatever move you make next will be a considered one, so is probably the right one.
It absolutely was, you're in charge of your own actions/reactions especially when it comes to how you mentally deal with your boss
I can't tell you what to do but I think from the sounds of it, whatever move you make next will be a considered one, so is probably the right one.
I was in the same situation as you, working in IT. I ended up being depressed for almost 2 years. I read a book called S.U.M.O
http://www.amazon.co.uk/S-U-M-O-Shut-Move-Straight...
Ive implemented what was in the book, changed my T-shirt (read the book and that will make sense) got myself a new job and got myself the hell out of the situation
After getting my new job, I instantly feel so much better and I'm almost back to my old happy self again. It feels fantastic and I'd never wait so long to take action again
My old company liked to make out its a terrible world out there and I should be so lucky to work for them. Only after escaping this situation I've realised the truth is the exact opposite. It's a massive world out there with loads of jobs for skilled and experienced people. I feel stupid for wasting 2 years of my life, but you live and learn and I won't be repeating the same mistake again
http://www.amazon.co.uk/S-U-M-O-Shut-Move-Straight...
Ive implemented what was in the book, changed my T-shirt (read the book and that will make sense) got myself a new job and got myself the hell out of the situation
After getting my new job, I instantly feel so much better and I'm almost back to my old happy self again. It feels fantastic and I'd never wait so long to take action again
My old company liked to make out its a terrible world out there and I should be so lucky to work for them. Only after escaping this situation I've realised the truth is the exact opposite. It's a massive world out there with loads of jobs for skilled and experienced people. I feel stupid for wasting 2 years of my life, but you live and learn and I won't be repeating the same mistake again
This thread makes for sad and shocking reading in 2016.
You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this ste in their working life 
You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this s
te in their working life DuncanM said:
This thread makes for sad and shocking reading in 2016.
You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this ste in their working life
Evidence...specifically independent and admissible in a tribunal. That's the missing point here...without that*, the bullies can still get away with anything they want. Ask me how I know this... You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this s
te in their working life (Seriously...the law is all well and good but there are plenty of clever people who know how to play the system and plenty of 'tame' HR departments who daren't push back hard against such management styles because the leadership culture is rotten and they've all got bills to pay...not saying it's pervasive but there's more out there than you'd think/hope)
* Oh, and ~£1k, which is what it now costs a plaintiff to bring a case all the way to an employment tribunal if the employer chooses to play hardball.
Still in the stupid job, but just about to can it I think.
Have been trying to arrange some things with the company for the new system this week. However, I've had people tell me they have no time, people not turning up (this morning I got into work early only to be told that nobody is coming to the training today) and people harassing me for jobs that my manager should do, but has left.
And speaking of the star manager in question, he hasn't provided any help at all. He hasn't even turned up today yet and he knows we were dealing with problem people today. I tried to ask for some management oomph off him yesterday, and he hasn't done anything.
Anyway, not feeling good today and just called home. Nearly started crying on the phone. How bad is that?
ToXXers!
Edited to add - I know what the advice is on here. Thanks all.
Have been trying to arrange some things with the company for the new system this week. However, I've had people tell me they have no time, people not turning up (this morning I got into work early only to be told that nobody is coming to the training today) and people harassing me for jobs that my manager should do, but has left.
And speaking of the star manager in question, he hasn't provided any help at all. He hasn't even turned up today yet and he knows we were dealing with problem people today. I tried to ask for some management oomph off him yesterday, and he hasn't done anything.
Anyway, not feeling good today and just called home. Nearly started crying on the phone. How bad is that?
ToXXers!
Edited to add - I know what the advice is on here. Thanks all.
Edited by funkyrobot on Tuesday 22 March 08:38
DuncanM said:
This thread makes for sad and shocking reading in 2016.
You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this ste in their working life
Small company.You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this s
te in their working life He is loved by HR. I don't think it will do a lot, but could be worth noting.
We'll see. Thanks.
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