I'm mentally broken
Discussion
andy-xr said:
I don't buy the earlier comments relating to 'you shouldn't have said you needed time off and it wasn't your decision
It absolutely was, you're in charge of your own actions/reactions especially when it comes to how you mentally deal with your boss
I can't tell you what to do but I think from the sounds of it, whatever move you make next will be a considered one, so is probably the right one.
Thanks Andy. It absolutely was, you're in charge of your own actions/reactions especially when it comes to how you mentally deal with your boss
I can't tell you what to do but I think from the sounds of it, whatever move you make next will be a considered one, so is probably the right one.
Vaud said:
It's a bit trite, and an excerpt from West Wing but it's a quote I remember (and shamelessly copy/paste) and it seems apt for this thread.
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
Very good. "This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
wolf1 said:
Hi Funkyrobot, as the others have said already you aren't alone in this. I can't offer any advise as I feel we are all different in how we go pop and how we heal (not only that but I hit things with big hammers for a living so what the hell do I know 
).
Like you I've looked down the barrel of despair and somehow blundered through to still be here. You're looking in the right direction and are talking to professionals. The hard part is done and we are all here if and when you need us.
Thanks. Good to know there are others around who know how this feels. ). Like you I've looked down the barrel of despair and somehow blundered through to still be here. You're looking in the right direction and are talking to professionals. The hard part is done and we are all here if and when you need us.
funkyrobot said:
Anyone think it's worth going above him to HR about it as a last gasp thing? Or am I wasting my time?
It's difficult as we don't have both sides of the tale, but from what you've said your time there is over, give it a go, but I think i'd be looking for something else.227bhp said:
funkyrobot said:
Anyone think it's worth going above him to HR about it as a last gasp thing? Or am I wasting my time?
It's difficult as we don't have both sides of the tale, but from what you've said your time there is over, give it a go, but I think i'd be looking for something else.vanordinaire said:
Even if they aren't inclined to go against the manager, they are likely to be more risk averse/greivance savvy and will try to avoid a dispute situation. At worse it will buy you a bit of time and relief from the bullying as even if they try to 'manage you out', they will be trying to cover their backs by ticking all the right boxes.At best, they might side with you and force changes which suit you.
Could be worth a punt then. funkyrobot said:
Anyone think it's worth going above him to HR about it as a last gasp thing? Or am I wasting my time?
Waste of time. Find another job.It's a bit frustrating. You post up saying you are upset and hate your job, have no support etc. But you don't appear to be doing anything to get out of that situation.
Like getting another job.
xjay1337 said:
Waste of time. Find another job.
It's a bit frustrating. You post up saying you are upset and hate your job, have no support etc. But you don't appear to be doing anything to get out of that situation.
Like getting another job.
I am working on it. It's a bit frustrating. You post up saying you are upset and hate your job, have no support etc. But you don't appear to be doing anything to get out of that situation.
Like getting another job.
There is a bank holiday coming up where I get paid for two days work for nothing. Might as well make the most of them before I leap.
don4l said:
I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if this has already been said.
I'm an employer. I wouldn't dream of having someone "on call" from 6am to 10pm. That is just plain wrong. In fact, I wonder if it is legal.
Look for another job immediately.
Good luck!
I am on call from 5:30pm to 9am every evening for a week about once a month, plus working my usual 9-5. I barely get any calls.... but I'm still on call. I'm an employer. I wouldn't dream of having someone "on call" from 6am to 10pm. That is just plain wrong. In fact, I wonder if it is legal.
Look for another job immediately.
Good luck!
xjay1337 said:
don4l said:
I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if this has already been said.
I'm an employer. I wouldn't dream of having someone "on call" from 6am to 10pm. That is just plain wrong. In fact, I wonder if it is legal.
Look for another job immediately.
Good luck!
I am on call from 5:30pm to 9am every evening for a week about once a month, plus working my usual 9-5. I barely get any calls.... but I'm still on call. I'm an employer. I wouldn't dream of having someone "on call" from 6am to 10pm. That is just plain wrong. In fact, I wonder if it is legal.
Look for another job immediately.
Good luck!
To be on call occasionally is one thing, but it sounds like the OP is on call all the time.
funkyrobot said:
Anyone think it's worth going above him to HR about it as a last gasp thing? Or am I wasting my time?
100% do it.I would make his life hell whilst looking for another job. If anything, it might stop him being a massive
to the next 'victim'.The reason this sort of behaviour carries on, is that no one is willing to push back and stop it from continuing.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
don4l said:
If you are paid for it, and you don't mind it, then that is fine.
To be on call occasionally is one thing, but it sounds like the OP is on call all the time.
That I would agree with, if I wasn't being paid for it I'd kick off. To be on call occasionally is one thing, but it sounds like the OP is on call all the time.
I think, being brutally (?) honest OP needs to grow a pair and actually deal with the reality.
He has two options, either make the manager's life hell (raising complaints with HR left right and center), only to then blame himself in a meeting so it goes on record him saying that it's his fault (which is a lose-lose!!!) or, keep quiet and try to draw as little attention as possible but look for a job and take satisfaction in handing in his notice.
I would do the second but actually make an effort to look for other jobs. Blame a lack of training or you would like to be given more opportunities but don't blame a personal issue (IE not getting on with your line manager) as the reason for wanting to leave.
I fully understand it can be difficult and sometimes you are between a rock and a hard place but the OP had a possible opportunity to raise problems before but bottled it because of the icy-cold stare of his manager. :/
We have all been there, and it's easy for me (or others) to tell someone how to act in a given situation, knowing full well it's never that easy in life. But work is work and that's what your reality is, you are unhappy and you need to do something.
xjay1337 said:
That I would agree with, if I wasn't being paid for it I'd kick off.
I think, being brutally (?) honest OP needs to grow a pair and actually deal with the reality.
He has two options, either make the manager's life hell (raising complaints with HR left right and center), only to then blame himself in a meeting so it goes on record him saying that it's his fault (which is a lose-lose!!!) or, keep quiet and try to draw as little attention as possible but look for a job and take satisfaction in handing in his notice.
I would do the second but actually make an effort to look for other jobs. Blame a lack of training or you would like to be given more opportunities but don't blame a personal issue (IE not getting on with your line manager) as the reason for wanting to leave.
I fully understand it can be difficult and sometimes you are between a rock and a hard place but the OP had a possible opportunity to raise problems before but bottled it because of the icy-cold stare of his manager. :/
We have all been there, and it's easy for me (or others) to tell someone how to act in a given situation, knowing full well it's never that easy in life. But work is work and that's what your reality is, you are unhappy and you need to do something.
Nailed it imo.I think, being brutally (?) honest OP needs to grow a pair and actually deal with the reality.
He has two options, either make the manager's life hell (raising complaints with HR left right and center), only to then blame himself in a meeting so it goes on record him saying that it's his fault (which is a lose-lose!!!) or, keep quiet and try to draw as little attention as possible but look for a job and take satisfaction in handing in his notice.
I would do the second but actually make an effort to look for other jobs. Blame a lack of training or you would like to be given more opportunities but don't blame a personal issue (IE not getting on with your line manager) as the reason for wanting to leave.
I fully understand it can be difficult and sometimes you are between a rock and a hard place but the OP had a possible opportunity to raise problems before but bottled it because of the icy-cold stare of his manager. :/
We have all been there, and it's easy for me (or others) to tell someone how to act in a given situation, knowing full well it's never that easy in life. But work is work and that's what your reality is, you are unhappy and you need to do something.
xjay1337 said:
don4l said:
If you are paid for it, and you don't mind it, then that is fine.
To be on call occasionally is one thing, but it sounds like the OP is on call all the time.
That I would agree with, if I wasn't being paid for it I'd kick off. To be on call occasionally is one thing, but it sounds like the OP is on call all the time.
I think, being brutally (?) honest OP needs to grow a pair and actually deal with the reality.
He has two options, either make the manager's life hell (raising complaints with HR left right and center), only to then blame himself in a meeting so it goes on record him saying that it's his fault (which is a lose-lose!!!) or, keep quiet and try to draw as little attention as possible but look for a job and take satisfaction in handing in his notice.
I would do the second but actually make an effort to look for other jobs. Blame a lack of training or you would like to be given more opportunities but don't blame a personal issue (IE not getting on with your line manager) as the reason for wanting to leave.
I fully understand it can be difficult and sometimes you are between a rock and a hard place but the OP had a possible opportunity to raise problems before but bottled it because of the icy-cold stare of his manager. :/
We have all been there, and it's easy for me (or others) to tell someone how to act in a given situation, knowing full well it's never that easy in life. But work is work and that's what your reality is, you are unhappy and you need to do something.
Eh? OP you started this thread saying you sometimes felt inclined to drive into a truck. Now you are talking about the trivialities of a couple of day's pay.
As I pointed out further up the thread you are regularly on PH on your employer's time complaining about them and your workload. Without wishing to appear flippant, if you got off the internet wouldn't you be able to crack on with some work and feel less pressurised?
As anyone who has left a bad job for a better one knows, the simple answer is to quietly find something more suited to you then move onwards and upwards with a decent reference. I would politely point out that you aren't really strengthening your case with your current employer vis-a-vis the latter with your current approach.
We hear that your boss is a bully. Your department is full of "spiteful, opinionated women". HR are weak. Is there anybody there you actually like? Why is that? Are they the problem, or you?
As a hirer in IT, and someone who has worked in both large companies and SMEs, I look at your posts and think "this bloke is chippy, struggles to get on with people". Experience has taught us when we recruit that as well as qualifications and technical skills, the key thing we look for is whether the candidate is a team player, and whether they will fit into the organisation.
If you come across as you do in your posts at interview, and you have a less than glowing reference from your current employer, then I would suggest future employers might not be as keen to secure your services as you might hope. Other candidates with less baggage are usually available.
As I pointed out further up the thread you are regularly on PH on your employer's time complaining about them and your workload. Without wishing to appear flippant, if you got off the internet wouldn't you be able to crack on with some work and feel less pressurised?
As anyone who has left a bad job for a better one knows, the simple answer is to quietly find something more suited to you then move onwards and upwards with a decent reference. I would politely point out that you aren't really strengthening your case with your current employer vis-a-vis the latter with your current approach.
We hear that your boss is a bully. Your department is full of "spiteful, opinionated women". HR are weak. Is there anybody there you actually like? Why is that? Are they the problem, or you?
As a hirer in IT, and someone who has worked in both large companies and SMEs, I look at your posts and think "this bloke is chippy, struggles to get on with people". Experience has taught us when we recruit that as well as qualifications and technical skills, the key thing we look for is whether the candidate is a team player, and whether they will fit into the organisation.
If you come across as you do in your posts at interview, and you have a less than glowing reference from your current employer, then I would suggest future employers might not be as keen to secure your services as you might hope. Other candidates with less baggage are usually available.
Yes, you are right. It's me. It's all little old me.
It's my fault that people who normally spoke to me completely ignored me when I got back to work. It's my fault that I was dragged into a HR meeting that I didn't know anything about, and was analysed by my lovely, caring manager who was ready to deny everything I said.
It's my fault that I have had some issues with mental health that leave me happy one moment, then terribly sad the next.
It's also my fault that I have ended up stuck in a rut and haven't been able to, as yet, find a clean way out.
Yes, I post on here when at work, but it's not all day every day. We are allowed breaks from our work and our company IT policies even state we can use the Internet.
Some of it is my fault, but not all of it. It's easy to say 'we all know the best way out is a quiet, dignified exit.' However, it doesn't always happen that way.
It's taken a while for me to get to this point of frustration here. I have smiled, put up with st and turned a blind eye to it for well over a year. Guess what, I have finally had enough.
I kept this thread running as I thought it would be useful for others in my situation. I also used it to ask for help as PH is full of people from all walks of life.
Thankfully, I can assure you that I don't come across like this in interviews because I haven't had a year or so of st from someone at an interview.
My thanks again to all that have helped me on here.
It's my fault that people who normally spoke to me completely ignored me when I got back to work. It's my fault that I was dragged into a HR meeting that I didn't know anything about, and was analysed by my lovely, caring manager who was ready to deny everything I said.
It's my fault that I have had some issues with mental health that leave me happy one moment, then terribly sad the next.
It's also my fault that I have ended up stuck in a rut and haven't been able to, as yet, find a clean way out.
Yes, I post on here when at work, but it's not all day every day. We are allowed breaks from our work and our company IT policies even state we can use the Internet.
Some of it is my fault, but not all of it. It's easy to say 'we all know the best way out is a quiet, dignified exit.' However, it doesn't always happen that way.
It's taken a while for me to get to this point of frustration here. I have smiled, put up with s
t and turned a blind eye to it for well over a year. Guess what, I have finally had enough.I kept this thread running as I thought it would be useful for others in my situation. I also used it to ask for help as PH is full of people from all walks of life.
Thankfully, I can assure you that I don't come across like this in interviews because I haven't had a year or so of s
t from someone at an interview.My thanks again to all that have helped me on here.
Small companies tend to be bad for things like on-call simply because they have the corporate equivalent of small man syndrome.
They think they need someone on call 24/7 to deal with such important things as the printer being broken or Outlook not opening but can't pay for someone to be on call and also won't pay £100 for a second printer nor will they consider an MSP for things like out of hours or holiday coverage.
The best you can hope for is to move to a different and larger employer as the small guys tend not to change.
They think they need someone on call 24/7 to deal with such important things as the printer being broken or Outlook not opening but can't pay for someone to be on call and also won't pay £100 for a second printer nor will they consider an MSP for things like out of hours or holiday coverage.
The best you can hope for is to move to a different and larger employer as the small guys tend not to change.
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