I'm mentally broken

[FredClogs]

funkyrobot said:

So, it could be me or it could well be the place. We'll see. Off to docs now.

Sounds likely to be your boss is a , why that is bothering you so much might be the crux of the matter and more within your control. Certainly sounds like a change of job rather than a wholesale career change is in order.

To be fair to GPs they're not really that much use for things like this, you can help yourself - gain some perspective, learn to be assertive/ignore/ridicule your boss a bit more and generally treat life as the absurd string of ridiculous events that it is. Something outside of work might help, a sport, hobby, pastime, maybe some mindfulness meditation, I've done them all - anything you can do to live in the moment and put your y bosses ishness at the bottom of the list of things you need to care about whilst you look for a better job.

[crazy about cars]

We are in a similar position and I believe almost similar job roles too OP. Although for me there might be threat of impending redundancy hence the anxiety. It's hard to get any support for this at work (I had to take holidays during days when I'm really affected) as it will risk my job even further so it's definitely frustrating.

I find it helpful to share so if you want pop by the depression thread : http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

[CaptainSlow]

OP, you need to go contracting. Much less stressful trying get things done when you're billing £500 per day.

[xjay1337]

CaptainSlow said:

OP, you need to go contracting. Much less stressful trying get things done when you're billing £500 per day.

But no guarantee of work - some times you are going to be flat out busy.

Other times, no work for weeks. Swings and roundabouts :\

Working in IT is very stressful.

I'm about to get a bksing for fixing a customer problem which was outstanding with other engineers for weeks, I fixed it in 2 days, some reporting data was lost unexpectedly, apparently my email was "to the point".. !!
Customer didn't even officially complain but I'm under the chopping board.

[0000]

funkyrobot said:

he refers to me as his 'boy'

funkyrobot said:

kicks off when I plan to take holiday

funkyrobot said:

if I have to be assertive, he overrules me

funkyrobot said:

He gave me a bking

funkyrobot said:

I would be in trouble

Not sure you need help so much as some time off and a change of employment. If contracting's an option I'd recommend it, but really it sounds like any new work environment would be worth trying - there's just so rarely any real need in our profession to deny people holiday, stress is far more of an issue and a bking or being 'in trouble' is just unnecessary in a work environment.

Sometimes it's worth jumping even if you don't know where you're going to land, but there's enough employers out there that I'd just leave this one. Take more than today off if you need it and whatever you choose to do, best of luck.

[funkyrobot]

Thank you so much everyone. I shall reply in more detail later, but I've been signed off for a week. This will take me up to my week of leave that starts next Monday. In total, I'll have two weeks off. That is something I haven't had for a long, long time.

I will lose some money this week, but I run everything financial with a big buffer, so that should be fine. I'm going to make the most of this time to clear my head, have a good look at some alternative jobs and see what is out there.

[crazy about cars]

funkyrobot said:

Thank you so much everyone. I shall reply in more detail later, but I've been signed off for a week. This will take me up to my week of leave that starts next Monday. In total, I'll have two weeks off. That is something I haven't had for a long, long time.

I will lose some money this week, but I run everything financial with a big buffer, so that should be fine. I'm going to make the most of this time to clear my head, have a good look at some alternative jobs and see what is out there.

Taking time off to clear the head definitely helps, I've took few days off recently too. Just make sure you switch off completely from work - no checking phone/emails. All the best funkyrobot!

[Jazzer]

Sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

The body and mind can only handle so much abuse before it yells ENOUGH!

You get into a state where you can't sleep well, you can't think straight, your emotions are all over the place and where you simply can't handle stress of any sort.

You may well be suffering from adrenal exhaustion.

ADs are not a solution.

One thing that may help you.....and I don't work for the company.....is NutrAdrenalExtra tablets.....like a multivitamin for the adrenals.....can buy from Nutr.Com.

Cut out booze, get to bed early, read a book if you can't sleep, get up and get out for a walk and fresh air early in the morning.

Be good to yourself, don't beat yourself up.

You can feel better, take control.

Good luck on your journey, see the light and take small steps each day until you reach it.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks Jazzer.

Fortunately for me, I don't drink hardly anything. Had a great walk this morning as walked a few miles to meet my fiancée and our daughter when they left children's group. Doing the same tomorrow so ramping up the exercise.

When I spoke to the gp earlier, he went through some questions and also asked me if I do want to hurt myself. I told him that I won't be considering that as my home life is very good. I'm fortunate that I have a beautiful 18 month old daughter and a lovely fiancée. They have been keeping me from tipping completely over the edge.

In relation to work, I informed HR earlier about my week's notice. The lady was very pleasant on the phone and told me to take the time off and not to worry about anything. As I have notified her, I don't have to do anything else. Just switch off my phone and take a break. I still have some stuff to sort that I had booked for this week, but when that is done I'm turning off for a week or so.

I emailed my manager earlier and haven't heard a thing back. I have asked for his thoughts on the appointments I had booked for this week as I have visits and I won't be there to sort them. I asked what he wanted to do; either cancel them or see if someone else can assist and supervise. The latter would be the best as it would mean the visits can still go ahead and people can crack on with projects. It's been over five hours now and I haven't heard a thing back. I haven't heard from him all day really, I emailed him just after 5 this morning to say I wasn't going to be in and he didn't respond. I know he has been getting my emails as he forwarded one on to someone else and included me in the trail. Anything about me though has been ignored.

If I haven't heard anything by tomorrow morning I'll contact the external company, cancel everything and just leave it at that. My manager won't be happy, but what else can I do?

I'm hitting job ads tomorrow and will see what else is out there. As others have said on here, I don't think my situation at that company will change. I informed the gp of this and he said it was a good idea.

I intend to wake up tomorrow feeling more positive. I'm not going to let my current situation drag me down and I am certainly not going to worry about work. If the worst comes to the worst, I can take a few months off and still be ok money wise.

Once again, thanks for everyone's input on here. It has been much appreciated. I'm glad I have been able to see what is happening to me and glad I went to the docs. First step of sorting a problem is admitting you have one.

Oh yes, my family are so relieved that I have a few weeks off too.

[funkyrobot]

crazy about cars said:

Taking time off to clear the head definitely helps, I've took few days off recently too. Just make sure you switch off completely from work - no checking phone/emails. All the best funkyrobot!

Will be doing that soon. Thanks.

[funkyrobot]

FredClogs said:

Sounds likely to be your boss is a , why that is bothering you so much might be the crux of the matter and more within your control. Certainly sounds like a change of job rather than a wholesale career change is in order.

To be fair to GPs they're not really that much use for things like this, you can help yourself - gain some perspective, learn to be assertive/ignore/ridicule your boss a bit more and generally treat life as the absurd string of ridiculous events that it is. Something outside of work might help, a sport, hobby, pastime, maybe some mindfulness meditation, I've done them all - anything you can do to live in the moment and put your y bosses ishness at the bottom of the list of things you need to care about whilst you look for a better job.

Useful info and highlights the attitude I need to take. Thanks.

[funkyrobot]

crazy about cars said:

We are in a similar position and I believe almost similar job roles too OP. Although for me there might be threat of impending redundancy hence the anxiety. It's hard to get any support for this at work (I had to take holidays during days when I'm really affected) as it will risk my job even further so it's definitely frustrating.

I find it helpful to share so if you want pop by the depression thread : http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

Thanks. Will take a look.

Hope your situation doesn't get any worse.

[funkyrobot]

xjay1337 said:

But no guarantee of work - some times you are going to be flat out busy.

Other times, no work for weeks. Swings and roundabouts :\

Working in IT is very stressful.

I'm about to get a bksing for fixing a customer problem which was outstanding with other engineers for weeks, I fixed it in 2 days, some reporting data was lost unexpectedly, apparently my email was "to the point".. !!
Customer didn't even officially complain but I'm under the chopping board.

Typical. I know what that be like. I fixed someone's email a bit ago. They then accused me of deleting an large email draft that they had started. I hadn't done anything of the sort, but it didn't stop them accusing me. So much for thanks, eh.

[funkyrobot]

PurpleTurtle said:

OP, this leaps out of your post to me:

My current job is wrecking me and is making me deeply, deeply unhappy. I'm constantly tired through odd sleeping patterns, constantly in a state of worry and have had multiple instances of wanting to turn around and just go home whilst driving to work.

Clearly you feel trapped in your job. Could it be changed? Either your role within your current employer, or leaving altogether. Is that an option at all?

I've known many people over the years with varying degress of the work-related issues you describe, you are most definitely not alone. Some employers bend over backwards to make positive changes, others do nothing. Which one is yours? I am guessing, due to the nature of your post, they are tending more towards the latter?

Ask yourself if things could realistically change there? If not are you able to go elsewhere, other commitments (salary, location etc) permitting?

Please don't do anything drastic. I had a friend of 35yrs kill himself in November, none of the 200+ people who turned up at his funeral had any idea he was similarly troubled, we are all still asking ourselves why he did it, missing him greatly. You've had the strength to recognise it as a problem, and to seek professional help, two massive steps. Your family and friends need you, and I expect none of them would want you to carry on being miserable in a job you don't like.

I doubt anything will change at my current job. I've asked for help before, but nothing really materialises.

I think a change is definitely in order.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

[funkyrobot]

944fan said:

There is also an anxiety thread running alongside the depression one.

I have been feeling very similar to you recently. I have not been signed off by the Drs but have had the odd day off when I just can't face it. I have also had that thought about sticking the car in the ditch. Not to end it, but enough to get me out of having to face work for a bit.

I have also been through the breaking down and crying uncontrollably.

GP is a good place to start. There are lots of options. Anti depressants, counselling, lots of self help. It will take time to sort this but it is something that you can sort.

Self help is worth looking at. For me for example, drink booze makes my symptoms a lot, lot worse. No drinking and plenty of exercise for me helps a lot. Although it doesn't solve it.

Plenty of people on here in the two threads mentioned that have had and have similar so lots of things to read and people to talk to here.

Hopefully this thread will help you too.

I do hope you can find a resolution to your problems.

As mentioned above, I'm fortunate that I don't drink a lot. I think I would be hitting the bottle hard if I did. My father had alcohol issues and I vowed never to put my family through some of the things I witnessed.

[funkyrobot]

FredClogs said:

I've been there many years ago, it's the reason I started contracting and gave up salaried permie work. Stress isn't, as many people think, about being overly busy, it's about a loss of control - which is what leads to the anxiety. You should know yourself better than anyone, you sound self aware enough to be able to sort this but you have to take action - now. You can get out or you can find a way to cope, it's entirely dependent on what you want or are able to do, first thing you need to do is be honest with your employers, boss and honest with yourself, even if you can afford to push the trapdoor on this job and get out it may not be the best thing to do, but there's no real advice I or anyone can give, like I said this kind of stress and anxiety is about loosing control and you'll over come it by taking back control.

Good points, thank. I have been honest with my boss, but he is yet to respond.

[AlexC1981]

Your boss sound like a PITA. No point wasting your time working with a man like that. It's funny how your job can seem like the centre of the world sometimes. Even if you have good career prospects it can be hard to see life beyond it. Ultimately, it's just a place of work and there are plenty other places out there. And some places contain great people to work with.

[funkyrobot]

AlexC1981 said:

Your boss sound like a PITA. No point wasting your time working with a man like that. It's funny how your job can seem like the centre of the world sometimes. Even if you have good career prospects it can be hard to see life beyond it. Ultimately, it's just a place of work and there are plenty other places out there. And some places contain great people to work with.

Indeed. Still no word from him. He is in and out of the office for the next few weeks, but normally responds to emails all of the time. He has been sending me stuff over the weekend. I had emails from him on Saturday and Sunday asking if 'x' job was done, did people get their system documentation in etc. But now, it's all gone quiet. Nothing directly back to me all day. Very unusual.

I've giving him until tomorrow morning, then I'm just telling the external companies to cancel everything.

[Spitfire2]

I've been there too OP. Wasn't surprised tonhear that you have been signed off. I thought it would be longer tbh.

My advice is - whilst all the above posters have been giving good advice based on experience - be wary of relying on others advice as a tool to solve your problem.

Use the time off to do things you enjoy. Don't worry too much about fixing everything.

For me, I was off work for about 2 months and it took me a lot longer to get back my confidence in work and social situations. Really the thing I had to learn was how to say "fk it" and move on. These days I say "fk it" a lot more.

I hope the next few weeks help you. Good luck.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks. Learning to say 'fk it' is something I need to achieve. The problem with me is that I care far too much. I feel that everything has to be done properly and in a timely manner.

What I have learned so far is that you cannot do this every time, and you cannot make everyone happy.

As indicated by this thread, I also worry about things, a lot. I need to learn to disconnect a bit. Still worry, but only worry about things I can control and only then when it is necessary.

I'll see how the next few weeks go. I intend to make the most of it. Thanks.

Edited to add, I am taking the advice and applying it to my situation.