I'm mentally broken
Discussion
I think sometimes jobs, bosses and employers make you feel like you owe them, that you are beholden to them and cant operate anywhere else, that if you dont do their bidding you will lose your job and be destitute, and for some that is true. I have been there and had some awful times, but I realised that I have something to offer and I can go elsewhere, they need me as well as the other way round, if I jacked it in tomorrow, sure things would continue but they would miss my knowledge and contribution.
Never forget you are capable person with plenty to offer, my job is ok, it is my wife that can be the hard taskmaster and leave me feeling despondent sometimes, not always but she always brings me back down to earth, I could give her a million quid and she would moan about something, just realise that is the way she is and have to politely and calmly get my point across, back off and let her think about things, no point being too aggressive, doesn't work.
Never forget you are capable person with plenty to offer, my job is ok, it is my wife that can be the hard taskmaster and leave me feeling despondent sometimes, not always but she always brings me back down to earth, I could give her a million quid and she would moan about something, just realise that is the way she is and have to politely and calmly get my point across, back off and let her think about things, no point being too aggressive, doesn't work.
Thanks. 
I guess learning and accepting the way people can be helps a lot.
Interview this afternoon at one local place. I also found out yesterday afternoon that the company I went to see last week wants to meet me again next Tuesday. Second interview which is apparently going to be a meet the team/factory tour. I guess they want to see if I gel with people.
Still slowly unwinding from everything, and have daily headaches at the moment. Slept really well last night though; first time in ages. The break is doing me good, so is the positive frame of mind I currently have. Yes, there are niggling doubts at the back about leaving the current job, having nothing to go to etc. However, the recent interview opportunities and a chat with the agency about temping have given me a bit of a positive boost.
We'll see what the next few days bring.
I guess learning and accepting the way people can be helps a lot.Interview this afternoon at one local place. I also found out yesterday afternoon that the company I went to see last week wants to meet me again next Tuesday. Second interview which is apparently going to be a meet the team/factory tour. I guess they want to see if I gel with people.
Still slowly unwinding from everything, and have daily headaches at the moment. Slept really well last night though; first time in ages. The break is doing me good, so is the positive frame of mind I currently have. Yes, there are niggling doubts at the back about leaving the current job, having nothing to go to etc. However, the recent interview opportunities and a chat with the agency about temping have given me a bit of a positive boost.
We'll see what the next few days bring.
Only just read the thread, been in a similar situation which ended up being signed off for 3 months a few years back.
The hardest lesson for me was understanding you can only do your best and let someone else judge whether it is good enough.
Most of the stress we put ourselves under, we make ourselves because we want to do a good job or feel obligated. Reminding yourself that in the grand scheme of things it isn't the most important thing helps.
Just need to find a cure for noisy, inconsiderate work colleagues beyond noise cancelling headphones..
The hardest lesson for me was understanding you can only do your best and let someone else judge whether it is good enough.
Most of the stress we put ourselves under, we make ourselves because we want to do a good job or feel obligated. Reminding yourself that in the grand scheme of things it isn't the most important thing helps.
Just need to find a cure for noisy, inconsiderate work colleagues beyond noise cancelling headphones..
Interesting that you didn't resign earlier.
I had a similar situation some years back - We merged with another company and the cultures were a huge clash.
Most of the very senior management came from the other company and were very rigid, hierarchical and old fashioned. Sadly the bloke they put in charge of consulting was also an unmitigated idiot (an example, they took a major client - one of our top two - to a Rugby match at a top league club. Over lunch he says "Of course we take our top clients to internationals..." and no, he wasn't joking, I don't think he had a sense of humour, or a personality...).
Anyway, he started off with accusing me of all sorts of things that he'd 'been told', but would never tell me who (some were manifestly untrue, others a matter of opinion) and it got to the absurd point where he started disciplinary process against me. I resigned, worked with some great people on a contract basis for a few months and then got a job I enjoyed 100 times more for the next 6 years.
A couple of months after I left he went on leave 'to look after his wife', but he never came back - As a crony of the MD he could never be seen to have been sacked...
There are a lot of utterly useless pole climbers out there who have one skill, toadying to those who value such things (presumably they were similar people earlier in their career rather than any good at anything constructive...) - Sometimes you need to say "I know I'm better than you and I won't tolerate this any more" and walk away. These people thrive on trying to undermine your self belief, but it's your strongest weapon against them.
I know I caused enormous annoyance in doing so, because (as someone said earlier) they really felt that they had me over a barrel and could treat me how they liked - They went into an absolute tail-spin when I quit, it just wasn't in their plan that I'd take control of the situation.
Anyway, that's long, long ago, now, but it was one of the very best decisions I ever made (And I'm not naive enough to think I've not made some bad ones!) - I hope whatever happens, it works out well for you.
M
I had a similar situation some years back - We merged with another company and the cultures were a huge clash.
Most of the very senior management came from the other company and were very rigid, hierarchical and old fashioned. Sadly the bloke they put in charge of consulting was also an unmitigated idiot (an example, they took a major client - one of our top two - to a Rugby match at a top league club. Over lunch he says "Of course we take our top clients to internationals..." and no, he wasn't joking, I don't think he had a sense of humour, or a personality...).
Anyway, he started off with accusing me of all sorts of things that he'd 'been told', but would never tell me who (some were manifestly untrue, others a matter of opinion) and it got to the absurd point where he started disciplinary process against me. I resigned, worked with some great people on a contract basis for a few months and then got a job I enjoyed 100 times more for the next 6 years.
A couple of months after I left he went on leave 'to look after his wife', but he never came back - As a crony of the MD he could never be seen to have been sacked...
There are a lot of utterly useless pole climbers out there who have one skill, toadying to those who value such things (presumably they were similar people earlier in their career rather than any good at anything constructive...) - Sometimes you need to say "I know I'm better than you and I won't tolerate this any more" and walk away. These people thrive on trying to undermine your self belief, but it's your strongest weapon against them.
I know I caused enormous annoyance in doing so, because (as someone said earlier) they really felt that they had me over a barrel and could treat me how they liked - They went into an absolute tail-spin when I quit, it just wasn't in their plan that I'd take control of the situation.
Anyway, that's long, long ago, now, but it was one of the very best decisions I ever made (And I'm not naive enough to think I've not made some bad ones!) - I hope whatever happens, it works out well for you.
M
Edited by marcosgt on Friday 20th May 16:09
Thanks.
Had a phone call off the current company HR woman earlier. She just wanted to check up and see how I was. Said that if I want to talk about my current work issues, I can go in and have a chat. She also wanted to confirm if i will be ok to return to work as planned next Tuesday (doc signed me off for two weeks this time).
She mentioned the fact that she knows my issue is based on the setup with my manager. I think she wants me to speak more openly with her about things. Oh well. I'll go and see her over the next few days when my potential new employer writes the job offer on paper.
She is my reference for the current company, so it will be good to inform her of things.
My manager is currently away on a business trip until next Wednesday. I wonder how quick he will want me out of the door when I hand my notice in.
Had a phone call off the current company HR woman earlier. She just wanted to check up and see how I was. Said that if I want to talk about my current work issues, I can go in and have a chat. She also wanted to confirm if i will be ok to return to work as planned next Tuesday (doc signed me off for two weeks this time).
She mentioned the fact that she knows my issue is based on the setup with my manager. I think she wants me to speak more openly with her about things. Oh well. I'll go and see her over the next few days when my potential new employer writes the job offer on paper.
She is my reference for the current company, so it will be good to inform her of things.
My manager is currently away on a business trip until next Wednesday. I wonder how quick he will want me out of the door when I hand my notice in.
f
king get in. Genuinely pleased for you.
Ask for an exit interview and be open but don't go over the top. She has to issue a reference and chances are it'll just be bland and to the point.
Make sure you don't carry any of the baggage from your recent experience in to your new role. Positivity can carry you a long way in a new role and make integration so much easier.
Good luck and for gods sake open a bottle of something nice tonight.
king get in. Genuinely pleased for you. Ask for an exit interview and be open but don't go over the top. She has to issue a reference and chances are it'll just be bland and to the point.
Make sure you don't carry any of the baggage from your recent experience in to your new role. Positivity can carry you a long way in a new role and make integration so much easier.
Good luck and for gods sake open a bottle of something nice tonight.
Thanks.
Will do.
I'm just going to keep the interview to the point and factual. I'm not letting any emotion or negativity get in the way. At the end of the day, they need the constructive feedback for their records.
I am not going to let any negativity anywhere near the new role. It's a completely different company and a different setup. I'm going to be part of a team doing system support.
I'm just awaiting the offer in writing which should come over tomorrow or Thursday. I then need to get it to the current job HR lady before Friday as she is off for a week. Don't want to delay anything.
I have a glass of Balvenie calling me.
Will do.
I'm just going to keep the interview to the point and factual. I'm not letting any emotion or negativity get in the way. At the end of the day, they need the constructive feedback for their records.
I am not going to let any negativity anywhere near the new role. It's a completely different company and a different setup. I'm going to be part of a team doing system support.
I'm just awaiting the offer in writing which should come over tomorrow or Thursday. I then need to get it to the current job HR lady before Friday as she is off for a week. Don't want to delay anything.
I have a glass of Balvenie calling me.
Vaud said:
Get a few days off as well. Switch phone off. Ho for a long walk...
I'm currently signed off until Tuesday, so have had some lovely time with my family. I think I should have some leave left to take before I depart too.My only concern at the moment is my time off affecting my reference. However, I don't think that can be used in a way that affects me. Also, the HR lady seems like one of the few nice people at my current place. I think she will be fine with everything.
Great news!
Regarding your new job, if you've got a few weeks to get your head around "that period of my life is over, I can stop stressing", it's surprising how quick you can bounce back when you start somewhere that's new, exciting and NOT sh't! I'm 6 days into my new job and looking in the mirror it's already (almost*) like the last 18 months didn't happen.
Sounds like you've got the right plan, anyway...really glad it seems to be working out!
* Still got the grey hairs!
And that, they say, is that!
Offer of new job signed and returned. Resignation letter handed over to current job HR Manager this morning (whilst discussing my return to work next week).
Very constructive, un-emotional feedback given. HR lady looked like she wanted to cry and was shocked I am resigning. Asked if there is anything she can do. I said no as it's a small business and the role is what it is, and I can't see them changing my manager. Details have now gone off to the MD, so we will see what he says.
It feels like a massive, massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have already had comments today that I seem to be back to my joyful, happy old self. Let's hope that is the end of it and I am now in a positive frame of mind, rather than a negative one.
I'm not taking any negativity from the old role to the new. However, I do need to try some therapy stuff (which has been kindly posted in this thread by others) to make my mental state stronger. If I find things difficult in the new role, I need to be able to better process things and not get so down. The work for me is far from finished in terms of my mental health, but a massive cause of my symptoms has been fixed.
Thanks again all.
Offer of new job signed and returned. Resignation letter handed over to current job HR Manager this morning (whilst discussing my return to work next week).
Very constructive, un-emotional feedback given. HR lady looked like she wanted to cry and was shocked I am resigning. Asked if there is anything she can do. I said no as it's a small business and the role is what it is, and I can't see them changing my manager. Details have now gone off to the MD, so we will see what he says.
It feels like a massive, massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have already had comments today that I seem to be back to my joyful, happy old self. Let's hope that is the end of it and I am now in a positive frame of mind, rather than a negative one.
I'm not taking any negativity from the old role to the new. However, I do need to try some therapy stuff (which has been kindly posted in this thread by others) to make my mental state stronger. If I find things difficult in the new role, I need to be able to better process things and not get so down. The work for me is far from finished in terms of my mental health, but a massive cause of my symptoms has been fixed.
Thanks again all.
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