I'm mentally broken
Discussion
Funky, I imagine your boss has been in contact with, and advised by HR not to contact you in any way, shape, or form. 
ideally he would have worked it out for himself.
Your 2 weeks starts now, so stop checking your work email and enjoy the time with your loved ones etc. Oh, and get a little exercise, if you're not doing so already. ETA - just noted that you are.
Best of Luck.
ideally he would have worked it out for himself. Your 2 weeks starts now, so stop checking your work email and enjoy the time with your loved ones etc. Oh, and get a little exercise, if you're not doing so already.
ETA - just noted that you are. Best of Luck.
He emailed me late last night. Asked me to get everything cancelled and let some people know that I won't be in for two weeks.
When I spoke to HR yesterday, I was informed that I didn't need to do any mop up stuff myself. Just easier if I do as it's all done now.
Work mode now disconnected though.
Thanks.
When I spoke to HR yesterday, I was informed that I didn't need to do any mop up stuff myself. Just easier if I do as it's all done now.
Work mode now disconnected though.
Thanks.
funkyrobot said:
Haven't been out on the bicycle for a while. Think it's something that has suffered because of my mental issues.
Definitely need to drag it out and get going again.
Yeah, your cycling is a bit sDefinitely need to drag it out and get going again.
t these days 
It's a fantastic way of destressing, I'd be having a cheeky lunch ride right now if it wasn't raining...I had a similar problem and when I finally admitted it to myself I was able, bit by bit, to take control of my life again. The thing to remember is that you are behaving normally as it is a sort of defence mechanism. It was explained to me as like cramp. A response to too much stress. Your emotions are in effect saying "stuff this." It's a bit more painful than cramp though.
You are not doing anything wrong. You are not mad. You are under stress. It is worse for those who try and do their best and when thwarted, try and find a way around.
I took up options, left my job and never looked back. It took a while to get 'better' so it might be best not to think of all your problems being over after your fortnight off.
What's best for your circumstances is down to you of course, but before making major decisions, check with those you trust who know what you are going through. I nearly bought a car I didn't like, didn't want, didn't need and could barely afford.
Best of luck, mate. There's many out there just like you and me. Once you settle you'll realise that most of those who were giving you aggro were in a similar situation to you, but just didn't know.
This might sound as if I am mad now, but in a way I'm glad I did go through it all. This is hardly uncommon with those who've come out the other side. You'll have a sense of values that are a massive improvement on your old. You'll see things much more clearly. You'll treasure your friends and family and have a sense of dep regret that you didn't before. I also found out who my friends were not and that really hurt, but I've got no resentment against them. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for them.
You are normal.
Happy for a PM if you want.
You are not doing anything wrong. You are not mad. You are under stress. It is worse for those who try and do their best and when thwarted, try and find a way around.
I took up options, left my job and never looked back. It took a while to get 'better' so it might be best not to think of all your problems being over after your fortnight off.
What's best for your circumstances is down to you of course, but before making major decisions, check with those you trust who know what you are going through. I nearly bought a car I didn't like, didn't want, didn't need and could barely afford.
Best of luck, mate. There's many out there just like you and me. Once you settle you'll realise that most of those who were giving you aggro were in a similar situation to you, but just didn't know.
This might sound as if I am mad now, but in a way I'm glad I did go through it all. This is hardly uncommon with those who've come out the other side. You'll have a sense of values that are a massive improvement on your old. You'll see things much more clearly. You'll treasure your friends and family and have a sense of dep regret that you didn't before. I also found out who my friends were not and that really hurt, but I've got no resentment against them. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for them.
You are normal.
Happy for a PM if you want.
funkyrobot said:
So, it could be me or it could well be the place. We'll see. Off to docs now.
Wherever you go, there you are again. You follow yourself round, and I firmly believe that you (or you could say me, or anyone really) has something in their thoughts they find they dont like. I used to ignore things about a job because I wantd the money. I wanted the money because that gave me a lifestyle I wanted, so I compromised on things at work in order to get more out of work. Like cars, and in some cases things to put up my nose on weekends. Doesnt make you happy though. My peak, if you can call it that involved doing great things for a German company to amke more money. I was fairly well paid by my stndards, but it cost me a girlfriend, a social life and any kind of enjoyment. I quit, quickly without anything to go to becuase I knew whatever I was doing next, I wasnt doing that.
I've made real conscious choices with subsequent jobs, because you learn from your mistakes. Particularly with managers, because I also believe in that meme that people dont leave companies, they leave managers. I've had bad ones, but I've also had some of the best I've ever seen. The good ones share a characteristic - they dont micro manage and they give you more rope than you need, while knowing they can sort out anything that goes wrong if they have to. There's an air about great managers that's inspiring.
I think if you're unhappy and you think you dont have a choice, you're not seeing the full picture. Society and the bank tells you that you must be in employment, you must go for that raise and new title, get promoted. Really though, you dont have to do any of that. Find something you like, that roughly pays the bills and you'll be happier. It doesnt matter if you're not driving round in the latest 7 series, and it doesnt matter that you dont have an amazing house. Me put too much presure on themseles to be some kind of amazing superhero, sometimes you've just got to accept that you're not Batman and no-one other than yourself expects you to be
Definitely echo feeling better on the other side as the above.
You think, what the hell was I thinking/doing before hand?
RE the above, I think people generally leave managers or others who you report to also. It does matter.
I've had maybe 6 managers I think? Only one of those was actually a true inspiration to me. He was very nice, friendly, understanding and supportive. Good feedback was praised, negative feedback, was constructional analysis and criticism, helping to ensure that a situation doesn't arise again.
Unfortunately as the company was purchased by a large PLC some of us were made redundant and I was one of them.
You think, what the hell was I thinking/doing before hand?
RE the above, I think people generally leave managers or others who you report to also. It does matter.
I've had maybe 6 managers I think? Only one of those was actually a true inspiration to me. He was very nice, friendly, understanding and supportive. Good feedback was praised, negative feedback, was constructional analysis and criticism, helping to ensure that a situation doesn't arise again.
Unfortunately as the company was purchased by a large PLC some of us were made redundant and I was one of them.
andy-xr said:
Wherever you go, there you are again. You follow yourself round, and I firmly believe that you (or you could say me, or anyone really) has something in their thoughts they find they dont like. I used to ignore things about a job because I wantd the money. I wanted the money because that gave me a lifestyle I wanted, so I compromised on things at work in order to get more out of work. Like cars, and in some cases things to put up my nose on weekends.
Doesnt make you happy though. My peak, if you can call it that involved doing great things for a German company to amke more money. I was fairly well paid by my stndards, but it cost me a girlfriend, a social life and any kind of enjoyment. I quit, quickly without anything to go to becuase I knew whatever I was doing next, I wasnt doing that.
I've made real conscious choices with subsequent jobs, because you learn from your mistakes. Particularly with managers, because I also believe in that meme that people dont leave companies, they leave managers. I've had bad ones, but I've also had some of the best I've ever seen. The good ones share a characteristic - they dont micro manage and they give you more rope than you need, while knowing they can sort out anything that goes wrong if they have to. There's an air about great managers that's inspiring.
I think if you're unhappy and you think you dont have a choice, you're not seeing the full picture. Society and the bank tells you that you must be in employment, you must go for that raise and new title, get promoted. Really though, you dont have to do any of that. Find something you like, that roughly pays the bills and you'll be happier. It doesnt matter if you're not driving round in the latest 7 series, and it doesnt matter that you dont have an amazing house. Me put too much presure on themseles to be some kind of amazing superhero, sometimes you've just got to accept that you're not Batman and no-one other than yourself expects you to be
Thanks Andy.Doesnt make you happy though. My peak, if you can call it that involved doing great things for a German company to amke more money. I was fairly well paid by my stndards, but it cost me a girlfriend, a social life and any kind of enjoyment. I quit, quickly without anything to go to becuase I knew whatever I was doing next, I wasnt doing that.
I've made real conscious choices with subsequent jobs, because you learn from your mistakes. Particularly with managers, because I also believe in that meme that people dont leave companies, they leave managers. I've had bad ones, but I've also had some of the best I've ever seen. The good ones share a characteristic - they dont micro manage and they give you more rope than you need, while knowing they can sort out anything that goes wrong if they have to. There's an air about great managers that's inspiring.
I think if you're unhappy and you think you dont have a choice, you're not seeing the full picture. Society and the bank tells you that you must be in employment, you must go for that raise and new title, get promoted. Really though, you dont have to do any of that. Find something you like, that roughly pays the bills and you'll be happier. It doesnt matter if you're not driving round in the latest 7 series, and it doesnt matter that you dont have an amazing house. Me put too much presure on themseles to be some kind of amazing superhero, sometimes you've just got to accept that you're not Batman and no-one other than yourself expects you to be
The thing about me is that I'm not at all money oriented. My favourite thing to do at the moment is spend quality time with my family. My fiancee and I are not at all materialistic and if I'm honest, we only really spend money when we need to. I have planned to have a few nights out next week when on leave, but that will be the first time we have spent money on anything but the essentials for ages.
At the moment, my job pays me well enough to run the house of my income, and have enough money spare to bang into a savings account or spend on the odd thing we like. As I have mentioned in other posts on different threads, I am considered quite 'tight' and some would consider us boring. This is because we enjoy the things in life that don't cost money.
As you have said, I'm definitely thinking of something closer to home that pays for the bills etc, but doesn't drain me like my current role is doing.
As for cars, I have a 9 year old Mazda. Even if I had thousands of pounds spare, I stil wouldn't want to spend it on a car.
Your comments on managers are interesting. I left my previous role because, ironically, I was in a major rut, was working my butt off and didn't get any recognition or help from my manager. He seemed far more interested in pandering to my senior colleagues who were actually his mates. This is why it's a damn shame that I am now in a similar position in my current job. I guess, as has been mentioned above, this is the world of IT Management and I may not suit it.
Anyhow, I'm off on a job hunt tomorrow. My fiancee and my daughter are off to see an ill family member (distant, her side) and because I was supposed to be at work, nothing has been arranged for me to go too. However, I'm going to use this time to catch up on my sleep (something anyone with kids will understand) and have a good look around at jobs. I was due to do this today, but I've been doing things I would never normally have the chance to do. Like going to my daughter's children's group, heading into town on a weekday to get some jobs done etc.
If I may ask, what do you do for a job nowadays Andy?
Thanks.
Derek Smith said:
I had a similar problem and when I finally admitted it to myself I was able, bit by bit, to take control of my life again. The thing to remember is that you are behaving normally as it is a sort of defence mechanism. It was explained to me as like cramp. A response to too much stress. Your emotions are in effect saying "stuff this." It's a bit more painful than cramp though.
You are not doing anything wrong. You are not mad. You are under stress. It is worse for those who try and do their best and when thwarted, try and find a way around.
I took up options, left my job and never looked back. It took a while to get 'better' so it might be best not to think of all your problems being over after your fortnight off.
What's best for your circumstances is down to you of course, but before making major decisions, check with those you trust who know what you are going through. I nearly bought a car I didn't like, didn't want, didn't need and could barely afford.
Best of luck, mate. There's many out there just like you and me. Once you settle you'll realise that most of those who were giving you aggro were in a similar situation to you, but just didn't know.
This might sound as if I am mad now, but in a way I'm glad I did go through it all. This is hardly uncommon with those who've come out the other side. You'll have a sense of values that are a massive improvement on your old. You'll see things much more clearly. You'll treasure your friends and family and have a sense of dep regret that you didn't before. I also found out who my friends were not and that really hurt, but I've got no resentment against them. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for them.
You are normal.
Happy for a PM if you want.
Thanks Derek. Very useful and much appreciated words of advice.You are not doing anything wrong. You are not mad. You are under stress. It is worse for those who try and do their best and when thwarted, try and find a way around.
I took up options, left my job and never looked back. It took a while to get 'better' so it might be best not to think of all your problems being over after your fortnight off.
What's best for your circumstances is down to you of course, but before making major decisions, check with those you trust who know what you are going through. I nearly bought a car I didn't like, didn't want, didn't need and could barely afford.
Best of luck, mate. There's many out there just like you and me. Once you settle you'll realise that most of those who were giving you aggro were in a similar situation to you, but just didn't know.
This might sound as if I am mad now, but in a way I'm glad I did go through it all. This is hardly uncommon with those who've come out the other side. You'll have a sense of values that are a massive improvement on your old. You'll see things much more clearly. You'll treasure your friends and family and have a sense of dep regret that you didn't before. I also found out who my friends were not and that really hurt, but I've got no resentment against them. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for them.
You are normal.
Happy for a PM if you want.
As I have said above, I'm clearing my head and having a snoop around for something different.
The moment I was signed off work yesterday, it was if a dark cloud had lifted. I instantly felt so much happier. Just need to get something I like now.
Spitfire2 said:
Definitely do things you enjoy.
I agree. When I was in your situation it was easier to switch off after sending a few mails telling people I'd be away.
Are you going back to the doc before you are due to return to work? Hope so. If not I'd say make an appointment if possible.
No plans to go back to the docs, but as you say, it may be worthwhile. My sick note states 'no follow up needed'. I'll see how I feel towards the end of next week and see how the job hunting goes.I agree. When I was in your situation it was easier to switch off after sending a few mails telling people I'd be away.
Are you going back to the doc before you are due to return to work? Hope so. If not I'd say make an appointment if possible.
funkyrobot said:
If I may ask, what do you do for a job nowadays Andy?
Thanks.
I've always worked in IT in a commercial role. Some sales, some strategy. I found what works for me is remote / home based because I'm not great in offices, I need to go for a walk or something to get away from the politics or I end up getting drawn in. Thanks.
I've worked better either with US or European companies, so that tied in nicely with the remote working side, there werent any offices in the UK
With a lot of UK companies, I've found that they want to charge for an upper class service but need lo-end spending, as in they're always trying to get more than what's reasonable from their customers, their employees, their suppliers and that kind of attitude doesnt sit well with me or my inner karma if you will. I've always found it a bit short sightd and mostly it's been my undoing in a job, because of the culture it creates. An ex colleague summed it up nicely about one company we worked for - champagne tongue, lemonade pockets
I try now to look for managers and bosses who are willing to put the effort in, recognise that they're not the next Mark Zuckerburg, dont want to be in any stretch of the imagination, they just want to do their thing, have a decent living from it and offer customers some good stuff that's reasonably priced and does what they need it to do. That sits much better with me and I'm more engaged because of it
Good luck tomorrow, sounds like some stock taking will be going on, be careful of the ruminations you can find yourself in
Edited by andy-xr on Tuesday 1st March 17:08
Edited by andy-xr on Tuesday 1st March 17:11
andy-xr said:
Wherever you go, there you are again. You follow yourself round, and I firmly believe that you (or you could say me, or anyone really) has something in their thoughts they find they dont like. I used to ignore things about a job because I wantd the money. I wanted the money because that gave me a lifestyle I wanted, so I compromised on things at work in order to get more out of work. Like cars, and in some cases things to put up my nose on weekends.
Doesnt make you happy though. My peak, if you can call it that involved doing great things for a German company to amke more money. I was fairly well paid by my stndards, but it cost me a girlfriend, a social life and any kind of enjoyment. I quit, quickly without anything to go to becuase I knew whatever I was doing next, I wasnt doing that.
I've made real conscious choices with subsequent jobs, because you learn from your mistakes. Particularly with managers, because I also believe in that meme that people dont leave companies, they leave managers. I've had bad ones, but I've also had some of the best I've ever seen. The good ones share a characteristic - they dont micro manage and they give you more rope than you need, while knowing they can sort out anything that goes wrong if they have to. There's an air about great managers that's inspiring.
I think if you're unhappy and you think you dont have a choice, you're not seeing the full picture. Society and the bank tells you that you must be in employment, you must go for that raise and new title, get promoted. Really though, you dont have to do any of that. Find something you like, that roughly pays the bills and you'll be happier. It doesnt matter if you're not driving round in the latest 7 series, and it doesnt matter that you dont have an amazing house. Me put too much presure on themseles to be some kind of amazing superhero, sometimes you've just got to accept that you're not Batman and no-one other than yourself expects you to be
Wow, that's inspiring read! Agree 100% about managers - got an interview coming up with another company so get to meet the IT Director and my potential direct line manager so perhaps my chance to also get a feel of what to expect. The role looks ideal on paper, slightly more pay although I would be taking a chance by going into a smaller sized company.Doesnt make you happy though. My peak, if you can call it that involved doing great things for a German company to amke more money. I was fairly well paid by my stndards, but it cost me a girlfriend, a social life and any kind of enjoyment. I quit, quickly without anything to go to becuase I knew whatever I was doing next, I wasnt doing that.
I've made real conscious choices with subsequent jobs, because you learn from your mistakes. Particularly with managers, because I also believe in that meme that people dont leave companies, they leave managers. I've had bad ones, but I've also had some of the best I've ever seen. The good ones share a characteristic - they dont micro manage and they give you more rope than you need, while knowing they can sort out anything that goes wrong if they have to. There's an air about great managers that's inspiring.
I think if you're unhappy and you think you dont have a choice, you're not seeing the full picture. Society and the bank tells you that you must be in employment, you must go for that raise and new title, get promoted. Really though, you dont have to do any of that. Find something you like, that roughly pays the bills and you'll be happier. It doesnt matter if you're not driving round in the latest 7 series, and it doesnt matter that you dont have an amazing house. Me put too much presure on themseles to be some kind of amazing superhero, sometimes you've just got to accept that you're not Batman and no-one other than yourself expects you to be
I used to chase the salary and the lifestyle that comes with it but as I grow older I find that not really good for my health, both physically and mentally.
funkyrobot said:
Thanks Derek. Very useful and much appreciated words of advice.
As I have said above, I'm clearing my head and having a snoop around for something different.
The moment I was signed off work yesterday, it was if a dark cloud had lifted. I instantly felt so much happier. Just need to get something I like now.
I'm certain everyone on here who gives you their best wishes means it. I know I do.As I have said above, I'm clearing my head and having a snoop around for something different.
The moment I was signed off work yesterday, it was if a dark cloud had lifted. I instantly felt so much happier. Just need to get something I like now.
For a bit of a connected laugh: I was a regular at crown court and a couple of lawyers decided to try and get my evidence removed in a couple of cases because I was, in their words, mentally unstable. Nice of them considering self image takes a knock. So I was told off to see a psychologist to get a note from him to the effect that I wasn't loopy.
Whilst I was never asked for it, I was told by a DCI that I should never mention it in court as if I did everyone on the jury would think I was mad, despite the fact I was the only one in court who could prove I was sane.
On the plus side, the doctor was the head chap at Brighton General and he was about to retire, this in 2004/5. He spent over an hour with me discussing my problems, then spoke with my wife, on her own, for another 20 mins - she's never told me what was said and I haven't asked - and then had me back for an hour a couple of weeks later. He was ever so helpful, incidentally coming up with the cramp comparison. He once said I had clinical depression and I corrected him, saying two psychiatrists and a psychologist called it PTSD. He said the symptoms were interchangeable and said I should ask myself, when I felt ready, why I wanted the more serious sounding condition.
By the time I did so, things were becoming clear.
Thanks Derek. Interesting story there.
It's funny how the brain works. Over the last few days, I've had a better clarity of thinking than usual. I have also been extremely tired (I even had a nod in our couch this afternoon, something I haven't done for ages). I think my body knows I'm off and is trying to help me catch up with rest. Sleep has been brilliant for the first time in a while too. As mentioned above, my family go away tomorrow until Thursday. I will miss them, but it means I'll be able to rest.
Whilst thinking, I've been churning over the work situation in my head. I think I know now what my main issues have been:
1. An overpowering, overbearing, know it all manager.
2. A complete lack of respect from my colleagues (not helped by my manager)
3. A job that is too much for one person
4. A lack of support and help from the people that are supposed to help me (external companies)
5. A major project that is doomed (and if we are honest, I'm going to be the fall guy)
6. A lack of training in certain areas
7. A job title that indicates what I should be, but I'm not allowed to be (if that makes sense)
8. A company that is run in a frustratingly bizarre fashion
9. An unrealistic on call expectation covering most of the day and even dipping into weekends now
10. Old equipment that I'm struggling to be allowed to update
11. A block on me seeking alternative suppliers who may be better and more cost effective
12. A culture of work that allows people to demand that I fix their personal computing issues
13. A role where I'm told to be assertive, but when I am I'm undermined
14. A job where my holiday requests are questioned, pending the movements of my manager (who comes and goes as he pleases)
All of the above adds up to a very unhappy experience and if you are emotionally sensitive like me (I.e. you do care and worry), it leads to issues.
Some of the above I could strive to change as my job role involves handling these things. However, I have tried for a while now and haven't got anywhere.
I guess it comes down to the level of support the key individual (my manager) should be giving me, but isn't.
It's funny how the brain works. Over the last few days, I've had a better clarity of thinking than usual. I have also been extremely tired (I even had a nod in our couch this afternoon, something I haven't done for ages). I think my body knows I'm off and is trying to help me catch up with rest. Sleep has been brilliant for the first time in a while too. As mentioned above, my family go away tomorrow until Thursday. I will miss them, but it means I'll be able to rest.
Whilst thinking, I've been churning over the work situation in my head. I think I know now what my main issues have been:
1. An overpowering, overbearing, know it all manager.
2. A complete lack of respect from my colleagues (not helped by my manager)
3. A job that is too much for one person
4. A lack of support and help from the people that are supposed to help me (external companies)
5. A major project that is doomed (and if we are honest, I'm going to be the fall guy)
6. A lack of training in certain areas
7. A job title that indicates what I should be, but I'm not allowed to be (if that makes sense)
8. A company that is run in a frustratingly bizarre fashion
9. An unrealistic on call expectation covering most of the day and even dipping into weekends now
10. Old equipment that I'm struggling to be allowed to update
11. A block on me seeking alternative suppliers who may be better and more cost effective
12. A culture of work that allows people to demand that I fix their personal computing issues
13. A role where I'm told to be assertive, but when I am I'm undermined
14. A job where my holiday requests are questioned, pending the movements of my manager (who comes and goes as he pleases)
All of the above adds up to a very unhappy experience and if you are emotionally sensitive like me (I.e. you do care and worry), it leads to issues.
Some of the above I could strive to change as my job role involves handling these things. However, I have tried for a while now and haven't got anywhere.
I guess it comes down to the level of support the key individual (my manager) should be giving me, but isn't.
funkyrobot said:
Thanks Derek. Interesting story there.
It's funny how the brain works. Over the last few days, I've had a better clarity of thinking than usual. I have also been extremely tired (I even had a nod in our couch this afternoon, something I haven't done for ages). I think my body knows I'm off and is trying to help me catch up with rest. Sleep has been brilliant for the first time in a while too. As mentioned above, my family go away tomorrow until Thursday. I will miss them, but it means I'll be able to rest.
Whilst thinking, I've been churning over the work situation in my head. I think I know now what my main issues have been:
1. An overpowering, overbearing, know it all manager.
What would you need to do to take back your autonomy when you have contact with him, the way in which he operates is for him to address.
2. A complete lack of respect from my colleagues (not helped by my manager)
Put some boundaries in in respect of what your prepared to accept from your colleagues, challenge there lack of respect, particular in the presences of the manager.
3. A job that is too much for one person
Identify what in your capacity is achievable and flag this up.
4. A lack of support and help from the people that are supposed to help me (external companies)
Put the onus back to them regarding what you need and what within a timescale, if they fail to work within that boundary highlight the overall consequences to completing the task.
5. A major project that is doomed (and if we are honest, I'm going to be the fall guy)
Flag this up and don't take on that responsibility for it's failure
6. A lack of training in certain areas
Make sure your request for this training is documented
7. A job title that indicates what I should be, but I'm not allowed to be (if that makes sense)
Again take back your autonomy to achieve this, it wont be given to you by the sounds of it.
8. A company that is run in a frustratingly bizarre fashion
Or is it that its a different environment than you are used to
9. An unrealistic on call expectation covering most of the day and even dipping into weekends now
Again put your own boundaries in, i.e. you decide when you are available within your contracted agreement
10. Old equipment that I'm struggling to be allowed to update
Keep flagging up its limitations and impact on its effectiveness.
11. A block on me seeking alternative suppliers who may be better and more cost effective
Again keep flagging this up and the cost effectiveness but ultimately leave it to your manager to decide on the investment
12. A culture of work that allows people to demand that I fix their personal computing issues
At some level you have bought into this and allowed it to become expected,
13. A role where I'm told to be assertive, but when I am I'm undermined
Challenge this culture, the more you do this the easier you will find it to be comfortable at it
14. A job where my holiday requests are questioned, pending the movements of my manager (who comes and goes as he pleases)
Ask why they are questioned
All of the above adds up to a very unhappy experience and if you are emotionally sensitive like me (I.e. you do care and worry), it leads to issues.
Nothing wrong with caring and being concerned, however how does this serve you in relation to your self confidence and putting acceptable boundaries with others.
Some of the above I could strive to change as my job role involves handling these things. However, I have tried for a while now and haven't got anywhere.
I guess it comes down to the level of support the key individual (my manager) should be giving me, but isn't.
Just my thoughts on your analysis of your situation, some of the issues you can control and others are not in your control. I hope the time off enables you to define how you will proceed in the future whether it is with this employer or another. Good luckIt's funny how the brain works. Over the last few days, I've had a better clarity of thinking than usual. I have also been extremely tired (I even had a nod in our couch this afternoon, something I haven't done for ages). I think my body knows I'm off and is trying to help me catch up with rest. Sleep has been brilliant for the first time in a while too. As mentioned above, my family go away tomorrow until Thursday. I will miss them, but it means I'll be able to rest.
Whilst thinking, I've been churning over the work situation in my head. I think I know now what my main issues have been:
1. An overpowering, overbearing, know it all manager.
What would you need to do to take back your autonomy when you have contact with him, the way in which he operates is for him to address.
2. A complete lack of respect from my colleagues (not helped by my manager)
Put some boundaries in in respect of what your prepared to accept from your colleagues, challenge there lack of respect, particular in the presences of the manager.
3. A job that is too much for one person
Identify what in your capacity is achievable and flag this up.
4. A lack of support and help from the people that are supposed to help me (external companies)
Put the onus back to them regarding what you need and what within a timescale, if they fail to work within that boundary highlight the overall consequences to completing the task.
5. A major project that is doomed (and if we are honest, I'm going to be the fall guy)
Flag this up and don't take on that responsibility for it's failure
6. A lack of training in certain areas
Make sure your request for this training is documented
7. A job title that indicates what I should be, but I'm not allowed to be (if that makes sense)
Again take back your autonomy to achieve this, it wont be given to you by the sounds of it.
8. A company that is run in a frustratingly bizarre fashion
Or is it that its a different environment than you are used to
9. An unrealistic on call expectation covering most of the day and even dipping into weekends now
Again put your own boundaries in, i.e. you decide when you are available within your contracted agreement
10. Old equipment that I'm struggling to be allowed to update
Keep flagging up its limitations and impact on its effectiveness.
11. A block on me seeking alternative suppliers who may be better and more cost effective
Again keep flagging this up and the cost effectiveness but ultimately leave it to your manager to decide on the investment
12. A culture of work that allows people to demand that I fix their personal computing issues
At some level you have bought into this and allowed it to become expected,
13. A role where I'm told to be assertive, but when I am I'm undermined
Challenge this culture, the more you do this the easier you will find it to be comfortable at it
14. A job where my holiday requests are questioned, pending the movements of my manager (who comes and goes as he pleases)
Ask why they are questioned
All of the above adds up to a very unhappy experience and if you are emotionally sensitive like me (I.e. you do care and worry), it leads to issues.
Nothing wrong with caring and being concerned, however how does this serve you in relation to your self confidence and putting acceptable boundaries with others.
Some of the above I could strive to change as my job role involves handling these things. However, I have tried for a while now and haven't got anywhere.
I guess it comes down to the level of support the key individual (my manager) should be giving me, but isn't.
Not a dig of course, but try a list all the good things about your life. If you have a strong marriage/partnership, then you stand a much better chance of coming through unscathed. Then family. Your opportunities, what you want to do with your life, what you like doing, what you can do to fulfil your needs.
Much easier said than done of course, but put by, say, 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon where you think only positive and forget the aggro.
It might be a bit early for you, but give it a go if you think you can.
I thought of suing my employer and listed all the things that they did wrong. That was a big mistake I felt worse, much worse, and couldn't get it out of my mind. Forget those who did not do what was required of them.
I was able to embarrass one chap who let me down. I did it publicly and it made him look a fool. This was after I was over the problems and got no enjoyment out of it at all, apart from making me laught at myself
Much easier said than done of course, but put by, say, 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon where you think only positive and forget the aggro.
It might be a bit early for you, but give it a go if you think you can.
I thought of suing my employer and listed all the things that they did wrong. That was a big mistake I felt worse, much worse, and couldn't get it out of my mind. Forget those who did not do what was required of them.
I was able to embarrass one chap who let me down. I did it publicly and it made him look a fool. This was after I was over the problems and got no enjoyment out of it at all, apart from making me laught at myself
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