I'm mentally broken

[funkyrobot]

happychap said:

The return to work meeting is part of the process, however your manager attending is just part of his bullying tactics. HR would have reported back to him any relevant info as part of the support that may assist you. Its interesting that you imagine that you feel you haven't the right to determine if he attended or not. Out of interest what do you think I mean when about taking your autonomy beck from this situation.

I didn't get a choice. As soon as I got in this morning, he said we have a meeting with HR, and that was that. HR didn't give me the choice either.

I guess you mean me getting my ability to make my own decisions back and control how I feel, rather than be governed by worry, my brain and external influence. Was this what you meant?

[funkyrobot]

happychap said:

That's what I mean yes, even though he and HR ambushed you, you still had choice to refuse his request to join you with HR. I appreciate in these situations it may feel as if you have little or no choice, but with practice you can become skilful at managing such situations. I'm not having a dig at you by the way, if this situation is new to you it can feel over whelming just to try and keep your head above water.

No worries. Thanks for your input.

I simply didn't know that I could ask for a HR only interview. I do now.

[funkyrobot]

Just got called into a meeting with my manager.

Said he was disappointed I had decided to have time off work.

He then gave me some pointers about how to try and manage my day better. He told me he is trying to ensure I am left to work on my main project, and will help deal with some of the issues I am having with external suppliers etc.

Have we turned a corner here? Is he doing it because it's a bad reflection on him that an employee is having anxiety issues? Or is he setting me up for a fall (as in I haven't got that much to do now, so everything should be amazing)? Who knows.

I think he was hunting for more of a response in our meeting as I only gave brief, 'ok' answers. It also went painfully quiet for a few minutes as I think he was expecting me to say something. It wasn't a very comfortable meeting.

Oh well. Will see how it progresses.

Edited by funkyrobot on Monday 14th March 16:18

[funkyrobot]

Tallow said:

He sounds like an inept manager and a pretty passive aggressive person in how he deals with conflict. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to report to someone like that.

Indeed. He won't deal with problems people raise, just avoids them. If I was a more assertive, straight talking person, I wouldn't be here. He wouldn't want anyone like that beneath him.

Like I have said above, he is on the senior management team, people here flock to him because he runs the accounts and can use reporting software, and he is pretty much untouchable.

There is no hope for a minion like me.

[funkyrobot]

CaptainSlow said:

You should have corrected him, you didn't "decide" to have time off.

I would have thought that the interview this morning would have cleared everything up. Evidently, it has just left him feeling disappointed.

[funkyrobot]

Derek Smith said:

I'm assertive, I had no problems with telling people what I thought. It didn't stop me cracking up and it didn't stop them booting me in the groin when I was down. They pulled an outrageous stunt and when, after leaving, I went to see a brief in order to sue, he had trouble believing what they had done. What I couldn't believe was that I took it and didn't go to my boss's boss, and sit in his office until something was done.

It's not a character failing on your behalf by not being in your face.

Now is not the time to look at your performance for character defects. You are no judge.

Cheers Derek.

[funkyrobot]

WestyCarl said:

I don't mean this as an attack, but you need to change your outlook / attitude to work.
Most of us work to support our families and strange hobbies, work isn't real life it's just a bunch of people some nice, some tossers.
Whenever you feel anxiety / stress, remind yourself it isn't real life, in reality they can't do anything, you're there just for the money for your family. Your real life is at home.
Repeat this to yourself before every meeting.

No offence taken. You are quite correct.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks Vaud.

Good outlook on life and jobs.

CV was updated a few weeks ago. Thanks for the offer of help with it.

[funkyrobot]

Just got pulled into another snap meeting.

Asked what I had achieved since yesterday. Told me I had raised problems, and he is trying to help, but I'm not even meeting him half way, or some nonsense like that.

Asked me what I had been 'messing' around with this morning. Well, if you consider fixing someone's PC (because the third part support contractor has been nowhere near) as messing around, you shouldn't be trying to work in IT. Apparently, I shouldn't have done it and should be working on my project instead.

Also got grilled about the big project. Even though things are broken and I can't do anything because of this, he was surprised that I haven't made progress. Apparently, I told him yesterday everything was ok. I didn't. We even had a catchup call with the supplier today, who told us the problems won't be looked at until tomorrow.

I think he is turning the screw now. It's definitely ramping up a bit.

Starting to not give a fk anymore.

I've also been given 5 massive tasks to complete by Friday, which I cannot physically do in the time allotted. Great eh.

Edited by funkyrobot on Tuesday 15th March 15:59

[funkyrobot]

happychap said:

Do you have support around you either within the work place or outside of it to take a step back and determine what your prepared to accept of his behaviour. By this I mean, when he sets unrealistic expectations of the amount of work to be completed, be clear with him that won't happen as its unrealist. I appreciate if your not used to being this direct it may seem a bit scary, however, what's the worst he can do.

No support from within work I'm afraid. HR won't help (as shown yesterday) and I have nobody else to talk to about this as he is such a senior person in the business.

Outside of work, I only have my family to talk to. This helps, but they can't really offer me much advice apart from be strong, do what you need to do etc.

Based on the meeting this afternoon, I am getting to the point where I will start telling him things. I'm usually quiet, just take it and not interested in conflict. However, he is starting to push me a bit too far now.

We have a meeting arranged for Friday when he wants a review of everything he has asked me to do today. I guess that will be when we have a proper chat.

Thanks for your post.

Oh yes, he is also being very friendly with me now. Haven't really spoken a word all day, and since the meeting this afternoon he has started talking to me like we are friends. Very odd and, I'm not interested.

[funkyrobot]

On reflection, I think I annoy him.

I don't bite, talk back, shout, get arsey or anything like that. Maybe he is spoiling for an argument and I won't give it to him.

[funkyrobot]

WestyCarl said:

I hope you told him this during the meeting, at least when he complains at you on Friday you can tell him you have him warning it may not be possible.

I said I'll see what I can do.

[funkyrobot]

happychap said:

Have a bit of fun, go in tomorrow and tell him that meeting on Friday will be pointless as you can already estimate what work will be completed based on what's realistic. Taking back your autonomy can be liberating and scary at the same time, just keep reminding yourself that he needs you more than you need him. And don't forget, fk em

I haven't got the mental strength to do that yet. The willpower is definitely building though.

I think Friday could be interesting.

[funkyrobot]

Good point. No, haven't. I only have notes about what I need to do.

Will start doing that.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks.

Will knock something up tomorrow when I get to work.

If I'm honest, the 'messing around' comment was really uncalled for today. That did nearly make me respond.

[funkyrobot]

PurpleTurtle said:

Just playing Devil's Advocate here OP ... you posted this at 15:41. Isn't that during the working day?

I know many of us are guilty of it, but are you posting on PH during their time, using their IT?

Just a thought, but if I were you I would be very careful about my (traceable) personal internet usage on company time, having raised this grievance. You wouldn't be the first or last to be engineered out on that basis.

You are quite correct.

As I haven't been at the company for two years yet, and as I understand it, they can just get rid of my anyway. They could quite easily engineer something about my internet usage, say my work isn't up to scratch, say my attitude stinks etc. They could do anything they want to get rid of me. Therefore, I haven't been too bothered about my internet usage.

I've been awake since 4 this morning worrying about things anyway. To be honest, I'm in a good mind to tell them to stick it today, so we'll see what happens.

Edited by funkyrobot on Wednesday 16th March 07:10

[funkyrobot]

Flooble said:

Can you keep a brief timesheet of what you are doing (and who asked you to do it). That would also be helpful. Start Time, Task, End Time, Requested By.

Do your projects have a proper project manager who is keeping issue/action/risk registers? If not, maybe knock one up yourself (Issue Description/Assigned To/Assigned Date/Due Date would be enough to start with). Then send a "project status report" each evening ...

Having documents helps you to start taking control instead of having to absorb it all.

Started that yesterday. Thanks for your input.

Project is mine, although there is a manager poorly managing the third party company involvement.

[funkyrobot]

Vaud said:

I'm not surprised. Not being emotive is very, very hard in these situations. Happy to chat by PM if it's of any help.

Thanks. I'll see how I feel later.

[funkyrobot]

xjay1337 said:

Telling them to stick it, but then what about your finances with your family?
It's quite easy to find another job in a short time period..even more so if you are working than unemployed.

I have enough to run the house for a few months without work. However, I don't wish to go down this route.

Will see how today goes.

[funkyrobot]

Flooble said:

Can you keep a brief timesheet of what you are doing (and who asked you to do it). That would also be helpful. Start Time, Task, End Time, Requested By.

Did this and sent one over yesterday. Said I would do it daily for my manager so he can see where my time goes.

He told me this morning that he doesn't want that anymore as it is too detailed. He wants me to write a list of what I would like to achieve on a weekly basis, then update the list with progression.