I'm mentally broken
Discussion
happychap said:
Just my thoughts on your analysis of your situation, some of the issues you can control and others are not in your control. I hope the time off enables you to define how you will proceed in the future whether it is with this employer or another. Good luck
Thanks. Yes, some of it I can try to regain, some of it is beyond me.I should note here that I have been trying to fix the various issues for a while now, and haven't made any progress. I have flagged numerous items up with the relevant people and departments, and they have all been ignored. I have tried to address the respect issue, but again, have failed.
The personal computer stuff is an odd one. My manager pretty much told me to go and help his mate out at home. He had come into work moaning about a crap computer, wanted a new one etc. He asked my manager directly before even approaching me. The first I knew about it was being told that I needed to go and help the chap out at home during my lunch time. This was last year, so I didn't question it (hadn't been at the company a year by then).
Thanks for your I input. I will apply your advice to the bits that I haven't addressed so far.
Derek Smith said:
Not a dig of course, but try a list all the good things about your life. If you have a strong marriage/partnership, then you stand a much better chance of coming through unscathed. Then family. Your opportunities, what you want to do with your life, what you like doing, what you can do to fulfil your needs.
Much easier said than done of course, but put by, say, 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon where you think only positive and forget the aggro.
It might be a bit early for you, but give it a go if you think you can.
I thought of suing my employer and listed all the things that they did wrong. That was a big mistake I felt worse, much worse, and couldn't get it out of my mind. Forget those who did not do what was required of them.
I was able to embarrass one chap who let me down. I did it publicly and it made him look a fool. This was after I was over the problems and got no enjoyment out of it at all, apart from making me laught at myself
Thanks again Derek.Much easier said than done of course, but put by, say, 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon where you think only positive and forget the aggro.
It might be a bit early for you, but give it a go if you think you can.
I thought of suing my employer and listed all the things that they did wrong. That was a big mistake I felt worse, much worse, and couldn't get it out of my mind. Forget those who did not do what was required of them.
I was able to embarrass one chap who let me down. I did it publicly and it made him look a fool. This was after I was over the problems and got no enjoyment out of it at all, apart from making me laught at myself
I can tell you off the top of my head that I want the following:
1. More time with my family. At the moment, I'm leaving the house around 7am and not getting back until gone 6pm (later on some days). Yes, I understand others are away for longer, but let's not forget that I am then on call until 10pm and start being on call the next morning at 6am. (I forgot to mention the fact that the company recently increased the working day they do. It used to run until 9pm, but they increased this without even consulting with me regarding cover etc.)
2. A job that I find enjoyable (as mentioned above, as long as it covers the bills, I'm not bothered)
What do I find enjoyable about my current role? See below:
1. The admin gubbins of the new system. I've really been getting stuck into this and if I was allowed to simply concentrate on this (my main job priority), I would feel a lot better. Unfortunately, because my support structure doesn't work, I end up spending a lot of my day chasing other issues around.
2. Re-building and fixing PC's. I really enjoy this element of my role. It is nice to have a few hours spare to fix, re-format or tune up someone's machine.
I am very fortunate that I do have a strong family life. I have a beautiful little girl (18 months old) who is currently enjoying seeing her daddy so much. I also have a very supportive a lovely fiancee who is very clever and understands my situation completely.
Incidentally, I started a thread a few years ago when I took up my current position. After a few weeks, I had major doubts that the job was going to be what I was led to believe it would be. I got upset then and remember talking at great lengths about how the job was worrying me. Then, out of the blue (and six weeks early) our daughter was born in quite traumatic circumstances. Everything about the job went out of the window and I think I just got on with it. I had seen a part of life that was much more serious and worrying than anything a job could throw at you, and things changed. I buried the unhappiness I had at work, revelled in the fact that I was now a dad, and locked my anxieties and unhappiness away.
The trouble is, that unhappiness simmered. It was addressed and it sat there in the back of my mind, slowly eating me away. Things started to get worse last September when I had a long weekend away from the job and I simply did not want to return. I did, but maybe I should have done what I have done now back then. Oh well, I've seen what is happening to me and I am in the fortunate position of identifying it and trying to get it fixed.
I had some weird dreams last night. I woke up numerous times because I had problems that I couldn't fix. I can't remember specifically what they were, but they niggled me and whatever I did, I just couldn't sort them out. Maybe my brain is now processing everything and bringing it to the fore so I can address it.
Anyway, thanks for another useful post Derek.
Just a footnote. Apparently, I'm quite creative and I have been churning out lots of different stories and things for my daughter when playing with her, without even realising. My fiancee, her mum and dad and one of my friends have suggested that I start writing. I think that is a good idea as it will fuel my brain, allow me to create things for my daughter and maybe help to empty some of the naff stuff in my head.
funkyrobot said:
WinstonWolf said:
You need a new job by the sound of it
Spot on. 
If I am correct, you are in the industry? I guess you can understand how it gets. I distinctly remember you saying you wouldn't go anywhere near home PC's, for instance.
I always recommend home users to my competitors
funkyrobot said:
Whilst thinking, I've been churning over the work situation in my head. I think I know now what my main issues have been:
.
They can be ruminations, when you're so focussed on something that you end up exhausted from thinking about it, and in some cases never getting to the right answer even though you've identified the problem, in some cases over and over again, it can have many answers and you're not sure which one's best. .
I'm a big big fan of mindfulness, it was part of ACT course that I did with a psychotherapist a few years ago, and that's probably one of the main things I've taken from it.
I think (like me) you're a people pleaser and if people arent pleased with what you've done, or how you act, or respond or even if you dont reply to them in a thread they might get upset and then that's a reflection on you.
It could be that you're really polite and just swamped and you're not getting the help and support you need. It's more I think about how you react to that lack of support, because that's the bit you control
Someone else made a mention of control, and I'm a big believer in recognising what you control and what you really really dont. Other people's thoughts and feelings for example, they're theirs and while you can influence them if you want to (people pleasing again) you cant actually control them. That's for them to decide.
If you see these things as patterns, you might also see that sometimes, you catch your brain talking s
t to you, and it needs to be identified. It doesnt need anything else sometimes, so an evaluation or a judgment about what you were thinking about isnt necessary. This morning I caught myself thinking about dying in a plane crash. Pretty morbid, but I dont like flying and I've got a heap of flights coming up. To myself (and I didnt need to say it out loud) I said 'thanks brain, I'm thinking about a plane crash' and then carried on with what I was doing (making coffee).
I'm fine with accepting my thoughts for example as just thoughts without anything needing to be done about them. I do that because if I dont, I might then get a feeling of guilt come from somewhere and before I know it, I'm thinking about it more, my mood's gone down and I dont know why, so then I'd be unravelling what I was thinking about for ages and not quite get to the answers.
Sometimes it's fine for things to just be there if you're on a path you know is right, even if there's bumps in the road.
andy-xr said:
They can be ruminations, when you're so focussed on something that you end up exhausted from thinking about it, and in some cases never getting to the right answer even though you've identified the problem, in some cases over and over again, it can have many answers and you're not sure which one's best.
I'm a big big fan of mindfulness, it was part of ACT course that I did with a psychotherapist a few years ago, and that's probably one of the main things I've taken from it.
I think (like me) you're a people pleaser and if people arent pleased with what you've done, or how you act, or respond or even if you dont reply to them in a thread they might get upset and then that's a reflection on you.
It could be that you're really polite and just swamped and you're not getting the help and support you need. It's more I think about how you react to that lack of support, because that's the bit you control
Someone else made a mention of control, and I'm a big believer in recognising what you control and what you really really dont. Other people's thoughts and feelings for example, they're theirs and while you can influence them if you want to (people pleasing again) you cant actually control them. That's for them to decide.
If you see these things as patterns, you might also see that sometimes, you catch your brain talking st to you, and it needs to be identified. It doesnt need anything else sometimes, so an evaluation or a judgment about what you were thinking about isnt necessary.
This morning I caught myself thinking about dying in a plane crash. Pretty morbid, but I dont like flying and I've got a heap of flights coming up. To myself (and I didnt need to say it out loud) I said 'thanks brain, I'm thinking about a plane crash' and then carried on with what I was doing (making coffee).
I'm fine with accepting my thoughts for example as just thoughts without anything needing to be done about them. I do that because if I dont, I might then get a feeling of guilt come from somewhere and before I know it, I'm thinking about it more, my mood's gone down and I dont know why, so then I'd be unravelling what I was thinking about for ages and not quite get to the answers.
Sometimes it's fine for things to just be there if you're on a path you know is right, even if there's bumps in the road.
Very interesting thoughts and you are spot on.I'm a big big fan of mindfulness, it was part of ACT course that I did with a psychotherapist a few years ago, and that's probably one of the main things I've taken from it.
I think (like me) you're a people pleaser and if people arent pleased with what you've done, or how you act, or respond or even if you dont reply to them in a thread they might get upset and then that's a reflection on you.
It could be that you're really polite and just swamped and you're not getting the help and support you need. It's more I think about how you react to that lack of support, because that's the bit you control
Someone else made a mention of control, and I'm a big believer in recognising what you control and what you really really dont. Other people's thoughts and feelings for example, they're theirs and while you can influence them if you want to (people pleasing again) you cant actually control them. That's for them to decide.
If you see these things as patterns, you might also see that sometimes, you catch your brain talking s
t to you, and it needs to be identified. It doesnt need anything else sometimes, so an evaluation or a judgment about what you were thinking about isnt necessary. This morning I caught myself thinking about dying in a plane crash. Pretty morbid, but I dont like flying and I've got a heap of flights coming up. To myself (and I didnt need to say it out loud) I said 'thanks brain, I'm thinking about a plane crash' and then carried on with what I was doing (making coffee).
I'm fine with accepting my thoughts for example as just thoughts without anything needing to be done about them. I do that because if I dont, I might then get a feeling of guilt come from somewhere and before I know it, I'm thinking about it more, my mood's gone down and I dont know why, so then I'd be unravelling what I was thinking about for ages and not quite get to the answers.
Sometimes it's fine for things to just be there if you're on a path you know is right, even if there's bumps in the road.
As you say, I am a people person. I like to think that people are happy with what I do and that I'm helping them. Probably the biggest issue I am facing in my current role is the culture. I feel massively unsupported and people have no respect for my role and what I am trying to achieve.
I think it was Michael Schumacher who said he only ever worries about the things he can control. Maybe I need to adapt that attitude. It's difficult to change the way you are programmed though. I need to disconnect a bit, stop worrying about so many things all of the time and try to relax.
It's funny you should mention aeroplanes. I hate flying too and every time I have known I am flying, I have worried. I have thought about plane crashes and in my mind, the worst is always going to happen. I'm the same at work; I'm constantly worrying that this system will break, I won't know how to fix it or this person will not listen to me, or will start arguing etc.
I need to try and take a step back. Let things I can't influence go and just try to manage the situation.
Thanks again for your post.
funkyrobot said:
It's difficult to change the way you are programmed though. I need to disconnect a bit, stop worrying about so many things all of the time and try to relax.
It's funny you should mention aeroplanes. I hate flying too and every time I have known I am flying, I have worried. I have thought about plane crashes and in my mind, the worst is always going to happen. I'm the same at work; I'm constantly worrying that this system will break, I won't know how to fix it or this person will not listen to me, or will start arguing etc.
I need to try and take a step back. Let things I can't influence go and just try to manage the situation.
Absolutely, really difficult because sometimes it's so implicit you dont realise it's happening. It's funny you should mention aeroplanes. I hate flying too and every time I have known I am flying, I have worried. I have thought about plane crashes and in my mind, the worst is always going to happen. I'm the same at work; I'm constantly worrying that this system will break, I won't know how to fix it or this person will not listen to me, or will start arguing etc.
I need to try and take a step back. Let things I can't influence go and just try to manage the situation.
But you learned to think like that, so if you can do that, then you can definitely learn how to think differently because you've already done it before at least once, maybe without realising.
It might help you to take some time to figure out who you are. You might already know, but when a psychotherapist asked me, I didnt really know how to give an answer.
I found, when I did this, that I was giving things that are pretty subjective. For example, I'd say 'I'm a good person' or 'I'm an honest person' - things that if you said 'Really? All the time"' werent actually true, they were just things I'd like other people to think about me.
I'm not always a good person and I'm not always honest, so the cracks startd to show on that one fairly quickly. What was important, and the bit I had to knuckle down and learn, was that not being a good person all the time shouldnt be viewed as negative, it's fine to just be there.
I can say easily 'I'm a risk averse person' and I can back that up with a heap of examples. I dont use my full name on here. I have a set monthly figure for my mortgage/rent. I drive a car that has a good crash rating. I dont go out on drinking binges. I pick jobs where I know I'll not be pushed into progression that I dont want.
You can keep going with that forever, but it's interesting when you put it down on paper and question it, how it can help you make decisions about what you're actually doing with your life and where your happiness and motivations are.
Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 2nd March 12:09
andy-xr said:
Absolutely, really difficult because sometimes it's so implicit you dont realise it's happening.
But you learned to think like that, so if you can do that, then you can definitely learn how to think differently because you've already done it before at least once, maybe without realising.
It might help you to take some time to figure out who you are. You might already know, but when a psychotherapist asked me, I didnt really know how to give an answer.
I found, when I did this, that I was giving things that are pretty subjective. For example, I'd say 'I'm a good person' or 'I'm an honest person' - things that if you said 'Really? All the time"' werent actually true, they were just things I'd like other people to think about me.
I'm not always a good person and I'm not always honest, so the cracks startd to show on that one fairly quickly. What was important, and the bit I had to knuckle down and learn, was that not being a good person all the time shouldnt be viewed as negative, it's fine to just be there.
I can say easily 'I'm a risk averse person' and I can back that up with a heap of examples. I dont use my full name on here. I have a set monthly figure for my mortgage/rent. I drive a car that has a good crash rating. I dont go out on drinking binges. I pick jobs where I know I'll not be pushed into progression that I dont want.
You can keep going with that forever, but it's interesting when you put it down on paper and question it, how it can help you make decisions about what you're actually doing with your life and where your happiness and motivations are.
But you learned to think like that, so if you can do that, then you can definitely learn how to think differently because you've already done it before at least once, maybe without realising.
It might help you to take some time to figure out who you are. You might already know, but when a psychotherapist asked me, I didnt really know how to give an answer.
I found, when I did this, that I was giving things that are pretty subjective. For example, I'd say 'I'm a good person' or 'I'm an honest person' - things that if you said 'Really? All the time"' werent actually true, they were just things I'd like other people to think about me.
I'm not always a good person and I'm not always honest, so the cracks startd to show on that one fairly quickly. What was important, and the bit I had to knuckle down and learn, was that not being a good person all the time shouldnt be viewed as negative, it's fine to just be there.
I can say easily 'I'm a risk averse person' and I can back that up with a heap of examples. I dont use my full name on here. I have a set monthly figure for my mortgage/rent. I drive a car that has a good crash rating. I dont go out on drinking binges. I pick jobs where I know I'll not be pushed into progression that I dont want.
You can keep going with that forever, but it's interesting when you put it down on paper and question it, how it can help you make decisions about what you're actually doing with your life and where your happiness and motivations are.
Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 2nd March 12:09
Couldn't agree with you more. I have some paperwork to fill out for the community mental health team, so I will crack on with that and see if there is anything they can do to assist me.
I've had a good morning so far. I have dusted off and updated my CV. I have also started job hunting and have already applied for another role. I refuse to sit on my bum and let this dark cloud take over my life (something it has done in the past). I'm also going to sort myself out with the way I think.
Thanks for your useful insight.
Edited to add - music seems to be helping me at the moment. I'm sat in the office at home with some great, melodic trance music rolling through the speakers in the background. It's amazing how something like that can help your mental attitude.
Edited by funkyrobot on Wednesday 2nd March 12:25
Edited by funkyrobot on Wednesday 2nd March 12:32
funkyrobot said:
Just a footnote. Apparently, I'm quite creative and I have been churning out lots of different stories and things for my daughter when playing with her, without even realising. My fiancee, her mum and dad and one of my friends have suggested that I start writing. I think that is a good idea as it will fuel my brain, allow me to create things for my daughter and maybe help to empty some of the naff stuff in my head.
I was advised to write. I'd written most of my adult life, mainly articles for magazines. The psychologist told me to write about my early life in the service, hence Both Sides of the Force, which I'm not allowed to link to, but can say that it is well-reviewed on the well-known supplier of downloadable e-books' website. And a sequel.Once underway, I could disconnect from my problems. I started by doing it for myself but later went on to publish. I've got four books at the moment, although one consists of three. Rather specialist that one/three.
You can do it any time and most writing is done in your head. You'll be carrying a reporter's note pad around with you in days. There's nothing like finding the exact word after a struggle.
Creativity helps.
You might even earn a bit. I write search engine optimised copy for websites. It's easy enough to get into, but the pay is poor until you get known. My son teaches excluded children and gets a fair wage. His partner writes copy and has to turn work away, or give it to me. She earns much more than my lad. He also writes a bit, anything to do with fitness, and finds it refreshing. It is still creative, if you do it properly, even though it is commercial.
(All writing for publication is commercial. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The word counter in word processing software was a real boon.)
Derek Smith said:
I was advised to write. I'd written most of my adult life, mainly articles for magazines. The psychologist told me to write about my early life in the service, hence Both Sides of the Force, which I'm not allowed to link to, but can say that it is well-reviewed on the well-known supplier of downloadable e-books' website. And a sequel.
Once underway, I could disconnect from my problems. I started by doing it for myself but later went on to publish. I've got four books at the moment, although one consists of three. Rather specialist that one/three.
You can do it any time and most writing is done in your head. You'll be carrying a reporter's note pad around with you in days. There's nothing like finding the exact word after a struggle.
Creativity helps.
You might even earn a bit. I write search engine optimised copy for websites. It's easy enough to get into, but the pay is poor until you get known. My son teaches excluded children and gets a fair wage. His partner writes copy and has to turn work away, or give it to me. She earns much more than my lad. He also writes a bit, anything to do with fitness, and finds it refreshing. It is still creative, if you do it properly, even though it is commercial.
(All writing for publication is commercial. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The word counter in word processing software was a real boon.)
Derek, I've just taken a look at your links. The books look interesting, and thanks for your kind, useful words again.Once underway, I could disconnect from my problems. I started by doing it for myself but later went on to publish. I've got four books at the moment, although one consists of three. Rather specialist that one/three.
You can do it any time and most writing is done in your head. You'll be carrying a reporter's note pad around with you in days. There's nothing like finding the exact word after a struggle.
Creativity helps.
You might even earn a bit. I write search engine optimised copy for websites. It's easy enough to get into, but the pay is poor until you get known. My son teaches excluded children and gets a fair wage. His partner writes copy and has to turn work away, or give it to me. She earns much more than my lad. He also writes a bit, anything to do with fitness, and finds it refreshing. It is still creative, if you do it properly, even though it is commercial.
(All writing for publication is commercial. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The word counter in word processing software was a real boon.)
The writing is something I must do as I think it will help to empty my head. At the moment, it feels like their is a lot stashed up there and it is screaming to come out. I was going to do a bit today, but got sidetracked with CV refreshing and job applications.
Oh yes, I then spent a while messing about with my computer, but I don't get to do that often. The family being away has allowed me to just tinker, something I haven't done and enjoyed for a long time.I need to set myself some targets. Maybe say x amount of words by a certain day. It doesn't have to be a story, I could just write whatever comes into my head to establish a link between the keyboard and my slushy, full to the brim, grey matter.
I think I'll check one of your books out. Is one of yours about a specific model of Mercedes? They are interesting cars to me as my neighbour had one for a while. Gone now, but seemed to be fun whilst it was there.
Thanks again Derek.
Glad to read you've taken some action.
Now you have some me time - why not find out about what this "stress" thing actually is...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/i...
Now you have some me time - why not find out about what this "stress" thing actually is...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/i...
Emotional pressure takes its toll, and takes it harder the longer we leave it.
It sounds like some time away to help gain perspective will do you a lot of good. Having been in a similarly uncomfortable level of very high stress before (and I'm sure a great many of us have), I'd suggest that not looking for an immediate answer, but just giving yourself time to quietly recover will do you the world of good.
You might not notice it, but when you just spend time doing the things you enjoy and being with the people you care for, your subconscious will be working away in the background still. You may well be surprised at what comes out at the other end of that process!
One thing that I'd really recommend won't do you any good (and is so very easy to do when under stress) is spend too much time ruminating about the problem. It won't change anything and it will continue to keep your stress levels high.
On that note, this Ted Talk contains a really interesting anecdote on rumination, but also has a very heart warming message about emotional well being. It's well worth watching when you have a spare 15 minutes.
https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_e...
Give yourself time to get back into a place where you really are you, which is not what you are when you're stressed. You deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life!
It sounds like some time away to help gain perspective will do you a lot of good. Having been in a similarly uncomfortable level of very high stress before (and I'm sure a great many of us have), I'd suggest that not looking for an immediate answer, but just giving yourself time to quietly recover will do you the world of good.
You might not notice it, but when you just spend time doing the things you enjoy and being with the people you care for, your subconscious will be working away in the background still. You may well be surprised at what comes out at the other end of that process!
One thing that I'd really recommend won't do you any good (and is so very easy to do when under stress) is spend too much time ruminating about the problem. It won't change anything and it will continue to keep your stress levels high.
On that note, this Ted Talk contains a really interesting anecdote on rumination, but also has a very heart warming message about emotional well being. It's well worth watching when you have a spare 15 minutes.
https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_e...
Give yourself time to get back into a place where you really are you, which is not what you are when you're stressed. You deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life!
FredClogs said:
Now you have some me time - why not find out about what this "stress" thing actually is...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/i...
Interesting article, but I'd like to see if any research was done into these 'leaders' stress levels at different times in their lives. It looked like all the research was done when they were at their peak, on the crest of a wave.http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/i...
My experience of stress is that as an 'alpha male' it was at a low level for most of my life, but when as often happens, one day a few too many disasters struck at once, stress levels went through the roof and my life as I knew it then went into meltdown. The bigger you are, the harder you fall and the harder you fall, the more difficult it is to get back up again.
Six months on I'm climbing back up very slowly, one tiny step at a time.
That is why I would advise the OP and anyone else in this situation to stop what they are doing as soon as possible if it's taking them down, take stock and head off in a new direction before things get worse.
Just read back through this and I can't believe how many cliches and mixed metaphors I've used.OOPS!
vanordinaire said:
FredClogs said:
Now you have some me time - why not find out about what this "stress" thing actually is...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/i...
Interesting article, but I'd like to see if any research was done into these 'leaders' stress levels at different times in their lives. It looked like all the research was done when they were at their peak, on the crest of a wave.http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/i...
My experience of stress is that as an 'alpha male' it was at a low level for most of my life, but when as often happens, one day a few too many disasters struck at once, stress levels went through the roof and my life as I knew it then went into meltdown. The bigger you are, the harder you fall and the harder you fall, the more difficult it is to get back up again.
Six months on I'm climbing back up very slowly, one tiny step at a time.
That is why I would advise the OP and anyone else in this situation to stop what they are doing as soon as possible if it's taking them down, take stock and head off in a new direction before things get worse.
Just read back through this and I can't believe how many cliches and mixed metaphors I've used.OOPS!
The effects of stress on health, especially heart health due to raised cortisol and adrenaline, are pretty well accepted and although I'm sure being an alpha boss (for want of a better expression) or thinking you are one provides short periods of high stress, it's the constant low level stress of not feeling in control of your life or being under constant scrutiny that does the long term damage. It's why the working classes don't live as long as the ruling classes, that and fags and pot noodles.
andy-xr said:
They can be ruminations, when you're so focussed on something that you end up exhausted from thinking about it, and in some cases never getting to the right answer even though you've identified the problem, in some cases over and over again, it can have many answers and you're not sure which one's best.
I'm a big big fan of mindfulness, it was part of ACT course that I did with a psychotherapist a few years ago, and that's probably one of the main things I've taken from it.
I think (like me) you're a people pleaser and if people arent pleased with what you've done, or how you act, or respond or even if you dont reply to them in a thread they might get upset and then that's a reflection on you.
It could be that you're really polite and just swamped and you're not getting the help and support you need. It's more I think about how you react to that lack of support, because that's the bit you control
Someone else made a mention of control, and I'm a big believer in recognising what you control and what you really really dont. Other people's thoughts and feelings for example, they're theirs and while you can influence them if you want to (people pleasing again) you cant actually control them. That's for them to decide.
If you see these things as patterns, you might also see that sometimes, you catch your brain talking st to you, and it needs to be identified. It doesnt need anything else sometimes, so an evaluation or a judgment about what you were thinking about isnt necessary.
This morning I caught myself thinking about dying in a plane crash. Pretty morbid, but I dont like flying and I've got a heap of flights coming up. To myself (and I didnt need to say it out loud) I said 'thanks brain, I'm thinking about a plane crash' and then carried on with what I was doing (making coffee).
I'm fine with accepting my thoughts for example as just thoughts without anything needing to be done about them. I do that because if I dont, I might then get a feeling of guilt come from somewhere and before I know it, I'm thinking about it more, my mood's gone down and I dont know why, so then I'd be unravelling what I was thinking about for ages and not quite get to the answers.
Sometimes it's fine for things to just be there if you're on a path you know is right, even if there's bumps in the road.
Hi Andy, do you have any details of that course? It sounds very interesting and I can identify with all of those thoughts.I'm a big big fan of mindfulness, it was part of ACT course that I did with a psychotherapist a few years ago, and that's probably one of the main things I've taken from it.
I think (like me) you're a people pleaser and if people arent pleased with what you've done, or how you act, or respond or even if you dont reply to them in a thread they might get upset and then that's a reflection on you.
It could be that you're really polite and just swamped and you're not getting the help and support you need. It's more I think about how you react to that lack of support, because that's the bit you control
Someone else made a mention of control, and I'm a big believer in recognising what you control and what you really really dont. Other people's thoughts and feelings for example, they're theirs and while you can influence them if you want to (people pleasing again) you cant actually control them. That's for them to decide.
If you see these things as patterns, you might also see that sometimes, you catch your brain talking s
t to you, and it needs to be identified. It doesnt need anything else sometimes, so an evaluation or a judgment about what you were thinking about isnt necessary. This morning I caught myself thinking about dying in a plane crash. Pretty morbid, but I dont like flying and I've got a heap of flights coming up. To myself (and I didnt need to say it out loud) I said 'thanks brain, I'm thinking about a plane crash' and then carried on with what I was doing (making coffee).
I'm fine with accepting my thoughts for example as just thoughts without anything needing to be done about them. I do that because if I dont, I might then get a feeling of guilt come from somewhere and before I know it, I'm thinking about it more, my mood's gone down and I dont know why, so then I'd be unravelling what I was thinking about for ages and not quite get to the answers.
Sometimes it's fine for things to just be there if you're on a path you know is right, even if there's bumps in the road.
Many thanks.
eric twinge said:
Hi Andy, do you have any details of that course? It sounds very interesting and I can identify with all of those thoughts.
Many thanks.
I did a one on one course of sessions with someone, but I also read and used (and would recommend) 'Get out of your mind and into your life', by Stephen C Hayes. Paper or audiobookMany thanks.
Ive read this thread from beginning to end 4 times now and I have to confess I am also in a similar position to the OP.
I was in project management, had been for 9 years and possibly burnt myself out and feel exhausted, concentration levels are low as is social interaction and focus is non existant and has been since around August 2015, left the role/industry in November 2015 and not worked since, I can relate to the lorry remark, it seems the easiest thing to do.
I will get round to reading the depression thread and also reading a few of the books as shared on this thread.
Its hard to talk to anyone in my family as I am very stubborn but for some reason talking on a forum about my issue seems easy, if only everything was eh.
I was in project management, had been for 9 years and possibly burnt myself out and feel exhausted, concentration levels are low as is social interaction and focus is non existant and has been since around August 2015, left the role/industry in November 2015 and not worked since, I can relate to the lorry remark, it seems the easiest thing to do.
I will get round to reading the depression thread and also reading a few of the books as shared on this thread.
Its hard to talk to anyone in my family as I am very stubborn but for some reason talking on a forum about my issue seems easy, if only everything was eh.
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