I'm mentally broken

[xjay1337]

badboyburt said:

Its hard to talk to anyone in my family as I am very stubborn but for some reason talking on a forum about my issue seems easy, if only everything was eh.

Generally people on the forum don't judge you and you don't have the pressures of talking face to face!

Many of us are the same as you pal in that regard :-)

[andy-xr]

I was reading this earlier

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generat...

And thought I'd share it. I'm a bit on the fence about it, while I think it makes some good points I think a) it's the Huffington and I'm always a bit bleurgh about them

b) the aftertaste isnt nice for someone who's not in a great place and isnt able to look at this objectively. I guess people can make their own minds up though

[funkyrobot]

Back at work tomorrow. The dark cloud has descended again. Still looking for something else, but it hasn't yielded anything at the moment.

Been a lovely few weeks off, but it has gone so quick.

[bitchstewie]

Echoing what others have said but you need a change of job.

Working in IT is something that I do and tbh I love it because I basically get paid for doing a hobby.

The key is to work for a good employer and have a good manager and it sounds as if you don't have either - fix that.

[Derek Smith]

funkyrobot said:

Back at work tomorrow. The dark cloud has descended again. Still looking for something else, but it hasn't yielded anything at the moment.

Been a lovely few weeks off, but it has gone so quick.

Free advice, so probably worth all of that. But my suggestions:

Take care. Remember that in essence nothing has changed apart from your approach to your problems.

Go in with the intention of sorting things out for yourself.

If you have an interview, tell them what the problems are. They are their problems, not yours.

Don't take no st from anyone.

Tell them you will do your job to the best of your abilities, but no one else's.

Ask for a further interview in a month so they know it has not ended.

If they are decent people they will be gutted that they missed the signals.

When you come back home, talk the day through with someone you love and who loves you. They deserve it.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks both.

I guess I'll have an interview when I get back. I will tell them exactly what has happened and why I have been off. Will be interesting to see what they say. Someone on here mentioned a follow up appointment at the docs. I'll see how it goes tomorrow and may look at booking another one, depending on how I feel.

I am looking for another job as I do enjoy the IT side (I've been tinkering at home since I've been off). I just haven't found anything else yet.

I'll report back on events tomorrow.

[happychap]

Return to work with fk you attitude, take back your autonomy and let it unfold.

[funkyrobot]

Sounds like the attitude to adopt. Not really me, but it would help.

[happychap]

funkyrobot said:

Sounds like the attitude to adopt. Not really me, but it would help.

It might not be you, but you'll get used to it and it gives you a different perspective. It's a strategy that may help for now, you can choose when to use it or not.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks.

Well, I've been in work about half an hour and my manager seems very cheesed off with me. All he has said is 'morning' very sternly, then 'we have a meeting with hr at some point'. That's it. No, how are you doing, hope everything is ok etc.

Thing is, I don't want to talk about my absence with him as I don't feel comfortable. I guess I have to, but he doesn't strike me as someone who gives a st. He sees it more as an annoyance and a failure. Oh well, I gues I'll have to give enough in the meeting, but not everything.

Fun, isn't it!

[xjay1337]

You may be surprised.
My manager and I had been clashing, I told him about my depression and anxiety and that it was effecting me and he took a step back and we have been getting on a lot better lately. Which is really nice :-)

[funkyrobot]

Meeting done.

Manager attended and sat there with the HR lady staring driectly at me. I was questioned why I has been off and I told them I was struggling, I had lost control and I cracked. I mentioned the attitude of some of my work colleagues, but was shot down about that. Manager then chipped in with stuff about me not telling him about issues etc, even though we had spoken a few months ago.

HR lady seemed nice and concerned as I broke down a bit. Told them that if you don't suffer anxiety yourself, you won't understand how things build up and can tip you over the edge.

I admitted that I need to control my workload better and said that I need some help doing this. Any question of work load being too much was quashed when my manager said he juggles far more work fine.

I got the distinct impression that he was ready to deny anything negative I said. So, I told them it was my issue to sort out, I lost control and I need to make it better. Win, win for the company I think as the form I signed basically says it's my issue and I need to sort it.

As mentioned above, the only way anything will change is for me to get out. I can't do that now, but I'm going to put the feelers out.

When we came out of the meeting my manager told me that he has finally agreed to get some more support for my major project. He said it'll cost the company a lot, and I will be having my hand held, but it has to be done.

In summary, I'm glad it's now out. I'm glad I told them I didn't want to be deemed a failure and I had been struggling. I'm not happy that anything I was saying was meticulously scrutinised and a counter attack was ready. However, my manager has been here for about ten years, he sits on the senior management team and everyone believes every word he says. I would have no hope of really saying it how it is, so I gave them a bit, but kept a bit back.

The game is well and truly being played.

Thanks again for the advice and help all. I know what I need to do, just need to get it implemented now.

[xjay1337]

So wait a minute, your boss was making your life hell.
You were sat in a meeting with HR and your boss, and you said it was "your problem"?

Seems like you were a bit intimidated by him to be honest. I would have spoken to HR first without him there.

[bitchstewie]

One little thing to keep in mind, and I know this may make me sound a little like one of "those" Pistonheaders when I'm really not, but remember that HR are there for the benefit of the company, not yours.

I would be very wary of how much info I volunteer as those "nice HR ladies" often turn out not to be so nice when the business needs them to do something unpleasant.

I am also surprised your manager was there as it clearly impacts your ability to speak honestly.

[funkyrobot]

xjay1337 said:

So wait a minute, your boss was making your life hell.
You were sat in a meeting with HR and your boss, and you said it was "your problem"?

Seems like you were a bit intimidated by him to be honest. I would have spoken to HR first without him there.

Won't happen. I can't talk to HR about him. The company is quite small and as I said above, he can't do any wrong.

He was sat there staring at me, waiting for me to criticise anything. It looks like he had notes too as he was referring to a page in his note book.

He was basically ready to rebuke anything I said. So, I thought what the hell, what can I do? I just said I had cracked, I need to sort things out. The comment about him being supportive is even noted on the sheet.

If I was in a position to do so, I would have told them to lump it. I can't though as I have a family and I am the only working parent at the moment.

I'm playing the game.

I'm a worrier, but I'm not stupid.

I need to adopt the 'fk you' attitude I think.

[funkyrobot]

bhstewie said:

One little thing to keep in mind, and I know this may make me sound a little like one of "those" Pistonheaders when I'm really not, but remember that HR are there for the benefit of the company, not yours.

I would be very wary of how much info I volunteer as those "nice HR ladies" often turn out not to be so nice when the business needs them to do something unpleasant.

I am also surprised your manager was there as it clearly impacts your ability to speak honestly.

Thanks.

Indeed, this is why I am not saying anything about my manager to her. We had the meeting earlier and it's done now. I'm not saying anything else on the matter. I can't.

As soon as I can get out, I am moving. That's it.

For the sake of my health, I need to stop worrying and just keep my head down now until I can leave.

I couldn't be too honest as he was sat there in the meeting. What could I do eh? I know it isn't ideal, but it is what it is.

[PurpleTurtle]

OP your manager is clearly coming across as an alpha male that has no time for 'weakness' in his view - I am assuming he is male.

You can discuss this until the internet runs out of space but the answer is simple: get another job elsewhere with a more considerate employer.

Your boss will never change, and now you've made this public with HR then I doubt he is going to be any 'nicer' to you in the long term.

It's a much overused expression, but life really is too short to put up with bullst that makes you unhappy.

[funkyrobot]

PurpleTurtle said:

OP your manager is clearly coming across as an alpha male that has no time for 'weakness' in his view - I am assuming he is male.

You can discuss this until the internet runs out of space but the answer is simple: get another job elsewhere with a more considerate employer.

Your boss will never change, and now you've made this public with HR then I doubt he is going to be any 'nicer' to you in the long term.

It's a much overused expression, but life really is too short to put up with bullst that makes you unhappy.

Thanks. I'm working on that now.

Yes, he is male. The comment about him juggling so much work hit it home for me. He also seems to have no understanding or appreciation for anyone who may have anxieties.

[bitchstewie]

funkyrobot said:

Thanks.

Indeed, this is why I am not saying anything about my manager to her. We had the meeting earlier and it's done now. I'm not saying anything else on the matter. I can't.

As soon as I can get out, I am moving. That's it.

For the sake of my health, I need to stop worrying and just keep my head down now until I can leave.

I couldn't be too honest as he was sat there in the meeting. What could I do eh? I know it isn't ideal, but it is what it is.

That would be my suggestion.

The place sounds like a st show but we have only one side of the story and posted with a slightly different perspective some of the issues may respectfully be with you in that the company doesn't seem to have done much to help you, but it may be you're simply not in the right role for your abilities and/or skill set.

Whatever the rights and wrongs if you're waking up in a morning dreading work then it's time for a change.

[xjay1337]

funkyrobot said:

Won't happen. I can't talk to HR about him. The company is quite small and as I said above, he can't do any wrong.

He was sat there staring at me, waiting for me to criticise anything. It looks like he had notes too as he was referring to a page in his note book.

He was basically ready to rebuke anything I said. So, I thought what the hell, what can I do? I just said I had cracked, I need to sort things out. The comment about him being supportive is even noted on the sheet.

If I was in a position to do so, I would have told them to lump it. I can't though as I have a family and I am the only working parent at the moment.

I'm playing the game.

I'm a worrier, but I'm not stupid.

I need to adopt the 'fk you' attitude I think.

Fine, I understand that situation. But to blame yourself is not the right outlook.
By saying you cracked you have implied that you are at fault, you cannot handle the pressure and that your boss is not the issue

When he was actually the issue.
You need to make note of what he has done, said, corroborating evidence from any colleagues who are sympathetic to you.
For my case I had most of our bank of team who have witnessed things going on.

Of course he will rebuke what you have said, he doesn't want to appear to be at fault.
I do understand the issue with regards to working and needing to keep the money coming in.

If it helps I found a position and interviewed and was offered the job within 2 weeks of looking, however I didn't take it in the end.
Just a little reminder if you want to find other work you can do so quite easily. Which I would recommend you doing.

But taking the blame yourself is not the answer.