Anyone used a Doula?
Discussion
Sorry for the mumsnet type post. I'm looking for a more educated perspective than I'd find there.
Wife is currently pregnant for the first time. We're in Scotland so private maternity doesn't exist.
Our NHS experience so far has been about as crap as I expected. Nobody really cares or has time for us, it basically comes down to "Are you taking vitamins? Yes. Then GTFO"
Neither my wife or I have any medical training. I don't know how a "normal" birth is supposed to go, and I won't know whether something is going wrong or everything's normal. In an ideal world there will be experienced well-rested midwives constantly available to answer any questions and assist - but in reality I'm sure we'll have to deal with students who are tired and stretched to their limits.
So I'm thinking of hiring a Doula, simply so we have someone who is dedicated to us (rather than splitting her time between 30 screaming women) and has experienced enough births to tell us whether everything looks normal or if we need to find a doctor.
Having browsed through some Doula websites I feel I'm making a mistake. I'm not looking to worship my wife and other pregnant women as a goddesses and neither am I looking for spiritual guidance, aura healing, etc.
I've found a couple of private midwives, but they seem militantly pro-home-birth/anti-hospital-birth/anti-medical-intervention. Also they cost 8 times as much as a Doula.
Wife isn't bothered - she says if it'll make me feel better to have someone else there then go ahead, but she also doesn't want someone bothering her with spiritual mumbo-jumbo.
Opinions please?
Wife is currently pregnant for the first time. We're in Scotland so private maternity doesn't exist.
Our NHS experience so far has been about as crap as I expected. Nobody really cares or has time for us, it basically comes down to "Are you taking vitamins? Yes. Then GTFO"
Neither my wife or I have any medical training. I don't know how a "normal" birth is supposed to go, and I won't know whether something is going wrong or everything's normal. In an ideal world there will be experienced well-rested midwives constantly available to answer any questions and assist - but in reality I'm sure we'll have to deal with students who are tired and stretched to their limits.
So I'm thinking of hiring a Doula, simply so we have someone who is dedicated to us (rather than splitting her time between 30 screaming women) and has experienced enough births to tell us whether everything looks normal or if we need to find a doctor.
Having browsed through some Doula websites I feel I'm making a mistake. I'm not looking to worship my wife and other pregnant women as a goddesses and neither am I looking for spiritual guidance, aura healing, etc.
I've found a couple of private midwives, but they seem militantly pro-home-birth/anti-hospital-birth/anti-medical-intervention. Also they cost 8 times as much as a Doula.
Wife isn't bothered - she says if it'll make me feel better to have someone else there then go ahead, but she also doesn't want someone bothering her with spiritual mumbo-jumbo.
Opinions please?
thainy77 said:
Hasn't your wife answered this for you?
No, she has also never used a Doula so doesn't know what type of service they'll provide.el stovey said:
You're asking if you're better off in a hospital full of experts and medical equipment and operating theatres and emergency facilities or having a witch doctor deliver your baby?
I'm not sure you read my post or know what a Doula is. We will be in a hospital. A Doula does not deliver babies.ashley95 said:
My mother is/was a Doula. Every one of her clients said they would never have another child without one.
I've seen (online) a few people saying the same thing, which is making me think a Doula is worth it especially as they're not overly expensive. I do have doubts about how helpful they'll be, but I guess it's better to have one there just in case they can offer any advice/assistance.scotlandtim said:
Where abouts in Scotland are you?
Can't recommend these folk enough - after a traumatic experience with Baby no 1 they made having baby no 2 almost pleasant!!
We're based in Scottish borders - give them a shout - they're great!
Thanks Can't recommend these folk enough - after a traumatic experience with Baby no 1 they made having baby no 2 almost pleasant!!
We're based in Scottish borders - give them a shout - they're great!
. We're a bit above Glasgow - probably too far from the Borders in case we need them quick-ish.AAz01 said:
thainy77 said:
Hasn't your wife answered this for you?
No, she has also never used a Doula so doesn't know what type of service they'll provide.If she's not bothered why are you? she's the one giving birth, i understand there is apprehension for the first child but i think you should go with what she says.
AAz01 said:
Neither my wife or I have any medical training. I don't know how a "normal" birth is supposed to go, and I won't know whether something is going wrong or everything's normal.
Have you done your NCT antenatal classes yet? They give you a pretty good idea as to have a birth should go and give you some ideas with regards to drawing up a birthing plan, what you do and don't want / need etc. That said no two births are the same and rarely go exactly to plan.Having witnessed the birth of my two kids no matter how bad you think the NHS is when the time comes you're in the best hands available. The birth of our first child was a bit traumatic, he ended up being delivered by forceps but emergency C section was considered. God knows how that would have panned out if we'd have considered a home birth, certainly would have wound up with a trip to hospital the the full blue light accompaniment. The time wasted getting there could have well been the difference between a normal healthy boy and a kid with brain damage. Second child wasn't quite so bad although my missus is prone to a quick labour, as we learnt from the first one, so from the first contraction to birth was a few hours at best so we knew to head off early. Luckily because of this she got the water birth we wanted (highly recommended by the wife) and no surgical intervention this time. Still relieved to be at the hospital though where you know that well trained professionals are on hand if needed.
Upshot is don't waste your time / money with a Doula, my understanding were that these were more for people who didn't have a birthing partner i.e. single Mums or where the husband has to work away etc.
Just going to add to this further - giving birth is a very intimate experience, bad enough with the medical staff that you will have around, not really sure having another person to hold you or you wife's hand is really what you want / need?
Edited by C0ffin D0dger on Tuesday 24th May 12:36
We had a private midwife for no.1 and a doula for no.2, both children born in hospital.
Both were excellent, but the doula was more relaxed and natural, whilst the midwife more "Mary Poppins".
NHS hospitals are so stretched that having a dedicated expert at all times was a comfort for us and took some pressure off the NHS midwives, who were, also, very good.
Let me quote a midwife I was chatting to yesterday...
"I want a job that I can get out what I put in. Currently I work my ass off and I don't even get the reward of making someone feel safe or looked after. The NHS is corrupt, run by people with no balls who are self obsessed. They do not care about their patients or staff, we are all just numbers"
If a Doula will give you comfort that someone is dedicated to your care (not to suggest that the midwives aren't just they are under serious pressure to deliver care to many people in a high stress environment), then do it.
They are not medically trained, but they are experienced in matters relating to childbirth.
If you want someone on board to make your wife, and, by proxy, you, feel more relaxed, then do it.
It's not mumbo jumbo, it's not witch doctoring, it's just sharing experience..
Certainly that's the case from the reading I've done.
"I want a job that I can get out what I put in. Currently I work my ass off and I don't even get the reward of making someone feel safe or looked after. The NHS is corrupt, run by people with no balls who are self obsessed. They do not care about their patients or staff, we are all just numbers"
If a Doula will give you comfort that someone is dedicated to your care (not to suggest that the midwives aren't just they are under serious pressure to deliver care to many people in a high stress environment), then do it.
They are not medically trained, but they are experienced in matters relating to childbirth.
If you want someone on board to make your wife, and, by proxy, you, feel more relaxed, then do it.
It's not mumbo jumbo, it's not witch doctoring, it's just sharing experience..
Certainly that's the case from the reading I've done.
We hired a private midwife for both kids (same person) former nurse an midwife on NHS she was certified to work in the hospital we had the baby in also (this is an issue if you want that person to deliver the baby). It is really worth it (though its not cheap) but if your wife is ok without then just go to NCT listen to what they tell you ask questions read up an speak to NHS midwives also.
Its true Midwives on NHS ar enot always treated well and they have lots of pacients to get through best thing you can do it learn as much about birth process as possible then you can support ur wife an ask questions.
Its true Midwives on NHS ar enot always treated well and they have lots of pacients to get through best thing you can do it learn as much about birth process as possible then you can support ur wife an ask questions.
We had our baby in an NHS Hospital (Northampton General) late last year, and absolutely no complaints with the care received. They were very fast to act when they decided that my wife had been pushing for long enough, and kept her in for a couple of days afterwards to make sure everything was fine with her and the baby. We never felt like we needed anybody else there to oversee it all!
C0ffin D0dger said:
AAz01 said:
Neither my wife or I have any medical training. I don't know how a "normal" birth is supposed to go, and I won't know whether something is going wrong or everything's normal.
Have you done your NCT antenatal classes yet? They give you a pretty good idea as to have a birth should go and give you some ideas with regards to drawing up a birthing plan, what you do and don't want / need etc. That said no two births are the same and rarely go exactly to plan.Having witnessed the birth of my two kids no matter how bad you think the NHS is when the time comes you're in the best hands available. The birth of our first child was a bit traumatic, he ended up being delivered by forceps but emergency C section was considered. God knows how that would have panned out if we'd have considered a home birth, certainly would have wound up with a trip to hospital the the full blue light accompaniment. The time wasted getting there could have well been the difference between a normal healthy boy and a kid with brain damage. Second child wasn't quite so bad although my missus is prone to a quick labour, as we learnt from the first one, so from the first contraction to birth was a few hours at best so we knew to head off early. Luckily because of this she got the water birth we wanted (highly recommended by the wife) and no surgical intervention this time. Still relieved to be at the hospital though where you know that well trained professionals are on hand if needed.
Upshot is don't waste your time / money with a Doula, my understanding were that these were more for people who didn't have a birthing partner i.e. single Mums or where the husband has to work away etc.
Just going to add to this further - giving birth is a very intimate experience, bad enough with the medical staff that you will have around, not really sure having another person to hold you or you wife's hand is really what you want / need?
Edited by C0ffin D0dger on Tuesday 24th May 12:36
Our first also had complications and was born via forceps. At that point it was too late for C section. If we had to come in from home it would have been a lot worse.
The birth started normally and we didn't see much of the midwife to begin with, once they realized there were problems the room very quickly filled with drs and nurses etc from all over the place.
The NHS suck when you need a GP appointment for a cough, but are excellent when it serious
NCT were hilarious.
They kept on about how wonderful home births were at the first meeting, and I countered with how it worked in France and NZ and that I thought hospitals were safer.
On the way home my wife suggested I ensured I was travelling on business on Wednesdays so I didn't have to go to another one.
We still have good friends from the NCT group, though, and it is worth enduring for that alone.
Women have been having babies for a while, I don't know what you're expecting the NHS to do exactly, you did do biology at school, right?
Essentially you've to wait around for 9 months watching your wife get gradually fatter, more irritable and horny (for some reason) and then you have a brief period of screaming and shouting (brief being anything from 30minutes to 24 hours in our case) and a new person appears. Occasionally this process is error prone, you're going to want to be near or in a hospital in that event, it's not perfect but trust me it's better than aromatherapy and a foot rub.
If that what a Doula does then I'm a doula, where should I send the invoice?
Essentially you've to wait around for 9 months watching your wife get gradually fatter, more irritable and horny (for some reason) and then you have a brief period of screaming and shouting (brief being anything from 30minutes to 24 hours in our case) and a new person appears. Occasionally this process is error prone, you're going to want to be near or in a hospital in that event, it's not perfect but trust me it's better than aromatherapy and a foot rub.
If that what a Doula does then I'm a doula, where should I send the invoice?
FredClogs said:
Women have been having babies for a while, I don't know what you're expecting the NHS to do exactly, you did do biology at school, right?
Essentially you've to wait around for 9 months watching your wife get gradually fatter, more irritable and horny (for some reason) and then you have a brief period of screaming and shouting (brief being anything from 30minutes to 24 hours in our case) and a new person appears. Occasionally this process is error prone, you're going to want to be near or in a hospital in that event, it's not perfect but trust me it's better than aromatherapy and a foot rub.
If that what a Doula does then I'm a doula, where should I send the invoice?
Given it is you, Fred, presumably the government.Essentially you've to wait around for 9 months watching your wife get gradually fatter, more irritable and horny (for some reason) and then you have a brief period of screaming and shouting (brief being anything from 30minutes to 24 hours in our case) and a new person appears. Occasionally this process is error prone, you're going to want to be near or in a hospital in that event, it's not perfect but trust me it's better than aromatherapy and a foot rub.
If that what a Doula does then I'm a doula, where should I send the invoice?
Funny about the NCT, our group leader was in no way pushy about home births just happy to offer the pros and cons of it vs. hospital / maternity unit. I don't think anyone in our group of 8 Mums had a home birth, think there was one who wanted one but it didn't pan out. What they did try to do it paint a picture of giving birth being some sort of loved up spiritual experience. It really isn't, if you enjoy blood/gore then you'll have a good time 
The NCT classes are useful for the information but what is of greater benefit is having a group of friends at the end of it who are all in the same boat. Over 5 years on and we're still in contact with all of them even to the extent that some of them are coming over to ours for a BBQ this weekend.
The NCT classes are useful for the information but what is of greater benefit is having a group of friends at the end of it who are all in the same boat. Over 5 years on and we're still in contact with all of them even to the extent that some of them are coming over to ours for a BBQ this weekend.
C0ffin D0dger said:
The NCT classes are useful for the information but what is of greater benefit is having a group of friends at the end of it who are all in the same boat. Over 5 years on and we're still in contact with all of them even to the extent that some of them are coming over to ours for a BBQ this weekend.
That's what we hoped, unfortunately our class was full tossers, the only people we got on with moved away shortly after so we don't talk to any of them now.Thanks for all the opinions, even the silly ones .
I am sceptical about whether a Doula will be helpful or just get in the way. Thing is - all of the sceptical opinions seem to come from people who haven't used one. During my googling, I saw almost everyone who has used one said they'll always use them again in future.
I guess we might as well then. There's potential they'll be helpful and really no downside other than the cost. It's about £500 which isn't bad. I would want a lot more than £500 if I was doing it.
So yes I have faith in the NHS to do the important things. They've been pretty crap so far for things like scans/midwife appointments but I'm sure they'll help if it's really needed.
However, the statistics show that "women have been having babies for a while" isn't a valid argument. Decent healthcare makes a big difference.
If my wife goes into labour at 4am on a night where 60 other local women go into labour, I would like to have someone experienced keeping an eye on her while the exhausted midwives are busy with other patients.
Regarding NCT - we're booked onto a 3 week course, but that's still a few weeks away. We're aware of their "don't let those butcher doctors near you with their knives" attitude, but it's probably still a valuable service.
.I am sceptical about whether a Doula will be helpful or just get in the way. Thing is - all of the sceptical opinions seem to come from people who haven't used one. During my googling, I saw almost everyone who has used one said they'll always use them again in future.
I guess we might as well then. There's potential they'll be helpful and really no downside other than the cost. It's about £500 which isn't bad. I would want a lot more than £500 if I was doing it.
FredClogs said:
Women have been having babies for a while, I don't know what you're expecting the NHS to do exactly, you did do biology at school, right?
Some of the poorest countries in the world - where organised healthcare basically doesn't exist - have a maternal mortality rate of approx 2%. Compared to Britain's 0.01% which is by no means the best.So yes I have faith in the NHS to do the important things. They've been pretty crap so far for things like scans/midwife appointments but I'm sure they'll help if it's really needed.
However, the statistics show that "women have been having babies for a while" isn't a valid argument. Decent healthcare makes a big difference.
If my wife goes into labour at 4am on a night where 60 other local women go into labour, I would like to have someone experienced keeping an eye on her while the exhausted midwives are busy with other patients.
Regarding NCT - we're booked onto a 3 week course, but that's still a few weeks away. We're aware of their "don't let those butcher doctors near you with their knives" attitude, but it's probably still a valuable service.
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