Borderline Personality Disorder
Discussion
I just saw a Facebook post about this, recognised the name from somewhere, and Googled it, did several on-line tests.
Now I realise that for most of my life I've had all the symptoms of this.
Turgid relationships, alcohol abuse, wild mood swings back and forth, periods where I just feel empty and useless. I've been married 20 years, long, turgid, emotional years, and I know that my mood can go from happy and worry free to a boiling seething pot of frustration with just a few snappy words from the wife. And the daughter too, as she is a teen........
I had lots of girlfriends when I was younger, but every single relationship was fraught with insecurity, jealousy, continual arguments etc. And when alcohol was mixed into the recipe I was a total a
hole, basically, always have been. And I was always happiest when I was single, that I do know.
I heard something the other day: "I've been scared my whole life". I realised that fits me to the letter. I've done loads of things, travelled, rode bikes, cars, adventure, skydiving etc, but I know down that I've done it mainly to prove to myself that I'm NOT scared, that I can do things, but I've been secretly scared stless inside, all the time. Beer helps, sort of. A couple of beers in my belly and I somehow feel 'whole' all of a sudden, like something was missing.
It's not like I'm a bum drugee, living in some doss-house, on welfare. We currently live in the Philippines, we built a nice big house, also have a house in England, and I've had a job all my life, retired last year at 55.
For years I've told myself that I am just a moody, sensitive guy who sulks a lot, and that the reason I sometimes sit and do nothing for days is just me being lazy, and all the stupid arguments when I'm drunk are caused by other people......but having read all about 'Borderline Personality Disorder' I'm now thinking differently.
I doubt it makes any difference to me, as there is no cure. It just labels me as a nutter, I guess. Nice to finally know what brand of nutter though.
Now I realise that for most of my life I've had all the symptoms of this.
Turgid relationships, alcohol abuse, wild mood swings back and forth, periods where I just feel empty and useless. I've been married 20 years, long, turgid, emotional years, and I know that my mood can go from happy and worry free to a boiling seething pot of frustration with just a few snappy words from the wife. And the daughter too, as she is a teen........
I had lots of girlfriends when I was younger, but every single relationship was fraught with insecurity, jealousy, continual arguments etc. And when alcohol was mixed into the recipe I was a total a
hole, basically, always have been. And I was always happiest when I was single, that I do know.I heard something the other day: "I've been scared my whole life". I realised that fits me to the letter. I've done loads of things, travelled, rode bikes, cars, adventure, skydiving etc, but I know down that I've done it mainly to prove to myself that I'm NOT scared, that I can do things, but I've been secretly scared s
tless inside, all the time. Beer helps, sort of. A couple of beers in my belly and I somehow feel 'whole' all of a sudden, like something was missing.It's not like I'm a bum drugee, living in some doss-house, on welfare. We currently live in the Philippines, we built a nice big house, also have a house in England, and I've had a job all my life, retired last year at 55.
For years I've told myself that I am just a moody, sensitive guy who sulks a lot, and that the reason I sometimes sit and do nothing for days is just me being lazy, and all the stupid arguments when I'm drunk are caused by other people......but having read all about 'Borderline Personality Disorder' I'm now thinking differently.
I doubt it makes any difference to me, as there is no cure. It just labels me as a nutter, I guess. Nice to finally know what brand of nutter though.
LaurasOtherHalf said:
I think you'd be better off speaking to a professional rather than seeking confirmation on some Facebook questionares and some online be personality "tests".
They weren't 'Facebook questionnaires'. It was a post by someone that piqued my interest and thus had me researching elsewhere. And you don't see many/any psychiatric professionals here in the Philippines either.
I was seeing a girl for a while last year who suffered with this. Unfortunately it was only after it ended did I find out what it was. Some of her behaviours were....
We could be having a nice normal conversation and if I didn't say the right thing (usually a trivial thing) she would go nuts.
Me having female friends was out of the question as they would all be put on her 'death list'. Even girls that I had known for years were suddenly an issue.
There'd be the regular event of her breaking down in tears fearing I didn't like her and that I was going to leave.
She would say some of the most spiteful things to me that I've ever heard.
She had an interest in bdsm (which was actually great!) But wanted to really be degraded and made to feel worthless. She called it her 'release' which falls under the risk taking nature of a person with BPD.
Numerous times she would have severe episodes of 'I love you, go away' or 'I hate you, come back'
The list goes on and on...
All this behaviour could be brought on in a split second. One minute it's all roses and the next all hell is breaking loose.
The hardest bit for me to deal with was the fact that when she was in a 'normal' state of mind she was the best girl I could ever have imagined but needless to say her behaviour drove a wedge between us which inevitably ended things.
We could be having a nice normal conversation and if I didn't say the right thing (usually a trivial thing) she would go nuts.
Me having female friends was out of the question as they would all be put on her 'death list'. Even girls that I had known for years were suddenly an issue.
There'd be the regular event of her breaking down in tears fearing I didn't like her and that I was going to leave.
She would say some of the most spiteful things to me that I've ever heard.
She had an interest in bdsm (which was actually great!) But wanted to really be degraded and made to feel worthless. She called it her 'release' which falls under the risk taking nature of a person with BPD.
Numerous times she would have severe episodes of 'I love you, go away' or 'I hate you, come back'
The list goes on and on...
All this behaviour could be brought on in a split second. One minute it's all roses and the next all hell is breaking loose.
The hardest bit for me to deal with was the fact that when she was in a 'normal' state of mind she was the best girl I could ever have imagined but needless to say her behaviour drove a wedge between us which inevitably ended things.
Noodle1982 said:
All this behaviour could be brought on in a split second. One minute it's all roses and the next all hell is breaking loose.
Hmm, I'm not quite that bad, but when I've had a lot of drink the wife tells me I can change like Jekyll and Hyde if someone says just the wrong word, or I misunderstand or misinterpret something. I gave up drinking for 16 years once, because I was a bad drunk. Started again a few years ago, after we moved to the Philippines again, thinking I may have changed, but after a couple of years the old st started happening again. I stopped again, about three months ago. It's taken me nearly two years to finally regain my mental health after an 18 year relationship with a BPD.
Looking back the signs were there from the start but I didn't recognise them as I didn't know what BPD was.
Quoting from an article on BPD which just about sums it up, 'The techniques of brainwashing are simple: Isolate the victim, expose them to inconsistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down and stir well'.
Despite my efforts to distance myself as much as possible and have no form of contact or connection with her, she's managed to drop a bombshell into my life this week and I feel like I'm back at square one. That's a Borderline for you, they get desperate for attention and will do anything to regain contact, control and to become the victim one again.
I'm in absolute pieces as is my newly rebuilt life, a fine result I'm sure she's very happy with.
The Borderline is a nasty piece of work. You can't reason with them, they have zero empathy, they are all about themselves.
Looking back the signs were there from the start but I didn't recognise them as I didn't know what BPD was.
Quoting from an article on BPD which just about sums it up, 'The techniques of brainwashing are simple: Isolate the victim, expose them to inconsistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down and stir well'.
Despite my efforts to distance myself as much as possible and have no form of contact or connection with her, she's managed to drop a bombshell into my life this week and I feel like I'm back at square one. That's a Borderline for you, they get desperate for attention and will do anything to regain contact, control and to become the victim one again.
I'm in absolute pieces as is my newly rebuilt life, a fine result I'm sure she's very happy with.
The Borderline is a nasty piece of work. You can't reason with them, they have zero empathy, they are all about themselves.
I was diagnoed with BPD im 1997. I'd presented years before with anxiety and agoraphobia and apparently, it was the BPD that lay behind them. In the end analysis, I lost 26 years' quality of life to them.
I'd had penty of therapy and different pills but nothing really worked. I then had a 'new' therapy, Schema Mode Therapy. This was hard work but I pursued it for many hours. In the end it worked to an extent, in combination with the appearance of a new partner who took on the role of trusted companion.
I had been married before but my first wife played away and a divorce ensued.
The best definition I've ever seen of BPD was simply this. 'I hate you. don't leave me'.
HTH
I'd had penty of therapy and different pills but nothing really worked. I then had a 'new' therapy, Schema Mode Therapy. This was hard work but I pursued it for many hours. In the end it worked to an extent, in combination with the appearance of a new partner who took on the role of trusted companion.
I had been married before but my first wife played away and a divorce ensued.
The best definition I've ever seen of BPD was simply this. 'I hate you. don't leave me'.
HTH
Edited by lurky on Thursday 14th July 20:56
I'm sure there's a scale, but have a look here to see if your behaviour has affected your loved ones as much as these people:
http://www.psychforums.com/family-support/topic462...
If not, or you have any empathy for them
, then your initial diagnosis may be wrong. It's my understanding that the definition of BPD is that you are on the 'Border' between several personality disorders and not that you are bordering on having a personality disorder. I'm sure you've read and understood that from your research so far but, if you recognise you're being a knob, then that's probably the first sign of it not being BPD.
Diagnosed BPD is truly nasty.
http://www.psychforums.com/family-support/topic462...
If not, or you have any empathy for them
, then your initial diagnosis may be wrong. It's my understanding that the definition of BPD is that you are on the 'Border' between several personality disorders and not that you are bordering on having a personality disorder. I'm sure you've read and understood that from your research so far but, if you recognise you're being a knob, then that's probably the first sign of it not being BPD.Diagnosed BPD is truly nasty.
King Herald said:
I actually stopped drinking for 16 years at one stage, just made me less of an ahole. But all this stuff happens when I'm sober too.
I'll be out in the hot rod later today, Friday night cruise round town.
I digress, I know but the vehicle intrigues me.hole. But all this stuff happens when I'm sober too. I'll be out in the hot rod later today, Friday night cruise round town.
Blown Essex V6? And a live front axle on a transvestite leaf spring but I see no dampers/shocks. Or are there a couple of Hartfords tucked away? It's tricky to see on my phone's screen.
Merely idle curiosity you understand.
davhill said:
King Herald said:
I actually stopped drinking for 16 years at one stage, just made me less of an ahole. But all this stuff happens when I'm sober too.
I'll be out in the hot rod later today, Friday night cruise round town.
I digress, I know but the vehicle intrigues me.hole. But all this stuff happens when I'm sober too. I'll be out in the hot rod later today, Friday night cruise round town.
Blown Essex V6? And a live front axle on a transvestite leaf spring but I see no dampers/shocks. Or are there a couple of Hartfords tucked away? It's tricky to see on my phone's screen.
Merely idle curiosity you understand.
350 Chevy V8, 5.7 litres, with dual 600 Holleys on a tunnel ram. There are shocks, you can see the top mounting bolts just below the headlights.
King Herald said:
V6???
350 Chevy V8, 5.7 litres, with dual 600 Holleys on a tunnel ram. There are shocks, you can see the top mounting bolts just below the headlights.
Much clearer thanks. I thought the rocker boxes looked lengthy for a V6 but look at your 3/4 front pic and count the downpipes!350 Chevy V8, 5.7 litres, with dual 600 Holleys on a tunnel ram. There are shocks, you can see the top mounting bolts just below the headlights.
V. Neat shock installation. Bet you don't spend much on cotton buds with those side 'zorsts.😉
King Herald said:
I doubt it makes any difference to me, as there is no cure. It just labels me as a nutter, I guess.
There's a number of treatments for BPD, most try to look at the underlying causes or simply change the way you view things. Go and see a counsellor/psychiatrist/psychiatric nurse when you're back in the UK.My mother was diagnosed a few years ago after years of wrong disagnosis. I think it probably messes up my life as much as it does hers. Drinking definitely doesn't help so you've done well to knock that on the head for your families sake. Next to bugger all help here on the NHS, shocking as it's a pretty devastating condition.
Edited by CX53 on Saturday 16th July 21:11
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