Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?

Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?

Author
Discussion

anonymous-user

53 months

Saturday 1st October 2016
quotequote all
rosbif77 said:
Hi there. Thanks for replying. I was beginning to think that this thread was getting a bit long in the tooth and had run out of steam!!!!!

Seriously though i'm making a real effort to think positively. When faced with a negative situation i mentally turn it around to view it from another angle. Why's my boss giving me a hard time? Because she can't have kids and is secretly jealous.

I bought the headmistress a coffee at the staff coffee machine last Wednesday. She said thankyou, other teachers were itching to buy her one but i was quickest on the draw, but then she talked over me when i started a conversation about coffee in France and ignored me the rest of the week!!!

The parent teachers committee basically told her to allow a native speaking English teacher to go on the 6th form trip to New York end October. The head of the committee wanted me to go since i teach the students. Her friend, my boss the head of English is going but her friends in the school aren't allowed ( school accountant, maths teacher, sports teacher etc) as they don't teach the students going on the trip.

Consequently, I've been cold shouldered by a large majority of the teaching staff since my participation on this trip was confirmed by the head of the parent/ teachers association.
I say hello each morning to the said teachers i bump into but most ignore me. They don't even acknowledge my prescence and won't shake my hand even when i offer mine first!

Strange things have been happening lately as well;
I had coca cola poured on my car windows and blobs of chewing gum stuck to the windscreen wipers whilst my car was parked in the 6th form car park. Someone had also informed the school guardian that i was seen driving dangerously into the car park. I got a ticking off!
I put up a message on the staff notice board in the teacher's room listing the various incidents with a note warning the culprits of my intention to inform the parent's/teachers association.
Someone drew a pig's head with blood dripping from it and ink spots all over the note!!!!!
Someone else had put glue into my locker in the staff room so i couldn't get into it. The school technician managed to open it and found 4 crushed coffee cups and a load of empty crisp packets/chocolate bar wrappers inside!!

Chocolate was also smeared on the door handle of my main classroom!!!!

I left a pile of fresh photocopies on a table in the staff room whilst i popped to the toilet, and oops someone then dumped coffee all over them in the 2 minutes i was absent!!!

My daughter spotted some drawing pins and nails right by my front tyres on Monday evening. They had obviously been placed there since they were standing on their heads with the spikes pointing upwards!!! Just a coincidence maybe!!!!!!
The headmistress told me to take photos and promised she would look into it!!!

Yesterday evening as i was leaving the 6th form i found the contents of a car's ashtray had been emptied onto the bonnet of my car along with some well used/sticky tissues jamned under the windscreen wipers!!!!!!
A group of teachers chatting in the car park had of course seen nothing suspicious!!!!



I've noted down everything and taken photos.

Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 1st October 08:08
Clearly it is not the students doing these horrible things.

I doubt you have spare cash but what about purchasing a dash cam which you could set to record while the car is parked?

This will catch the teachers in the act red handed. You can then take it to the police and have them charged with harassment.

These are very hand as well when you are doing the miles each day. If someone hits you the proof is there.

I wish you had the chance to just leave but I know this is not possible.

BTW do most teachers smoke or just a few? You can narrow it down perhaps.



rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Sunday 2nd October 2016
quotequote all
A dashcam is certainly on my list of priorities.
As for finding the culprits i've narrowed it down to a group of 15-20 regular smokers who include the boss, several of her friends and the school accountant.

All this harrassment has added to my stress levels which is giving me sleepless nights.

I feel that generally i've got stuck in a rut and my life has no purpose. Why do i give 100% every day and still get crap and hassle from people?
Well not exactly since the only reason i'm still working where i am is to give my daughter an excellent education.
That and the fact i can't get a better job elsewhere and foreigners here have limited career opportunities here in France.

I thought writing a book might get my adrenaline flowing and give me the motivation to do something with my life. I've been trying and writing down the words clears my mind, but leaves me feeling exhausted.

I worry all the time about the future. I know that's adding to the stress when i should be just focusing on the present but when i see my savings dwindling away every month, my salary doesn't even cover my basic monthly outgoings, and my predicted pension fund will only allow me to retire on 450€ a month, i seriously wonder where the hell my life went wrong!

The key word here is CONFIDENCE. I'm lacking in that. You and i know the reasons for that so the question is how can i improve my confidence so that i have enough self belief to be to something concrete to change my current situation?

I know what i don't want. I absolutely don't want to stay in the school where i'm now or be renting the same appartment in 5 years time. My daughter's in the equivalent of year 9 so she's got 5 more years to go including this one.

I've got 5 years to plan and work towards something else.

When i read other users threads on jobs and enmployment where they tell us that just sort of fell into a job by chance but still managed to achieve a financially confortable existance good for them. They perhaps worked hard or got extremely lucky. However, we all realise that the days of long term careers are probably over and more and more of us will have to go self employed. Those who choose the right line of work also get lucky. Those who choose the poorly paid or emigrate, as in my case, choose to follow their passion to the detriment of a financially confortable existence.

If you don't choose to work in hi tech, IT, finance, sales or engineering these days, or inherit a load of money then life's going to be rough.

Society and the media pressure constantly focuses on successful people, those who despite all the hardships did something with their lives. That's excellent for them but not so good for those of us who aren't career orientated or lack the personal drive and motivation. What about those lacking the skills to adapt to the workplace. I love using my laptop and feel comfortable using it but that's not the same thing as knowing how to use it to make money.

Money doesn't make people happier, and it can never replace having a wonderful relationship with your children but it definitely makes modern life much easier because it gives you the freedom to enjoy the pleasurable aspects of life ( fast cars, exotic holidays) and takes away the financial worry.

How do people find the 'get up and go' that drives them on?

I'm definitely not lazy and i can be extremely hard working i just don't have the self esteem and mental confidence that probably drives the winners on.

I love my children and i know i'm extremely lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them. But what's going to happen when they've both left home in less than 5 year's time?

Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 2nd October 07:28

LaurasOtherHalf

21,429 posts

195 months

Sunday 2nd October 2016
quotequote all
I've only read the opening post, not the entire thread so.......


Sorry, but to me you sound like a whingebag. What you described as your life so far is just that, life.

People die, loves are lost, authority figures can be aholes and accidents happen. Accepting all the incidents as "st happens" you sound like you've lead an incredibly interesting life, one a lot of people would be jealous of.

Try focusing on the positives for a change.

Edited by LaurasOtherHalf on Sunday 2nd October 07:29

rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Sunday 2nd October 2016
quotequote all
Try reading all the thread instead of just my opening post and then see if you think my life is just like the norm!

I'm not saying my past experiences were worser than others just that you can't lump everyone in the same boat with your type of comments.

rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Sunday 2nd October 2016
quotequote all
don4l said:
rosbif77 said:
If you read through my lifestory above there's always been something that goes wrong just when life was getting better for me. I don't know if it's a question of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, sheer bad luck or something else, but whatever it is i must be jinxed!
All that suffering and lack of love/support during the bad times led me to confort eat to ease the pain. It's been a continual vicious circle;when you see yourself in the mirror after binge drinking or gorging on sugary stuff you feel so down you just wanna reach for another bottle/cake!
Has anyone on here been through a similar situation and if so how did they get out of it?
I arrived in the UK with £5.11 in my pocket. I slept rough the first night.

Fortunately, I was utterly unaware of my own limitations. So it was easy to take things on.

Confidence is key.

Take a blank sheet of paper. Write down your strong points. You can take several days to do this. One a day is fine.

I promise that you will surprise yourself.

rosbif77 said:
No comments about 'manning up or tough or out' because that's all i got from my dad and it didn't stop another disaster from happening!
Comments like that don't help at all. All they do is damage your confidence.
How did you manage to improve your life? Was it through hard work, a lot of luck, being in the right place at the right time, learning certain skills for a specific job, or was it by natural ability, talent or something else?

The reason i ask is that i devour a huge amount a books every year and i particularly enjoy reading rags to riches stories or how famous, successful people got to where they are today. I don't like the tacky, self promotion, 'i'm talented anyway' stuff more the stories revealing the psychological profile of the person, how they overcame the odds and what type of person they really are/were.

anonymous-user

53 months

Monday 3rd October 2016
quotequote all
LaurasOtherHalf said:
I've only read the opening post, not the entire thread so.......


Sorry, but to me you sound like a whingebag. What you described as your life so far is just that, life.

People die, loves are lost, authority figures can be aholes and accidents happen. Accepting all the incidents as "st happens" you sound like you've lead an incredibly interesting life, one a lot of people would be jealous of.

Try focusing on the positives for a change.

Edited by LaurasOtherHalf on Sunday 2nd October 07:29
Poor Laura.

anonymous-user

53 months

Monday 3rd October 2016
quotequote all
[quote=rosbif77]A dashcam is certainly on my list of priorities.
As for finding the culprits i've narrowed it down to a group of 15-20 regular smokers who include the boss, several of her friends and the school accountant.

All this harrassment has added to my stress levels which is giving me sleepless nights.

I feel that generally i've got stuck in a rut and my life has no purpose. Why do i give 100% every day and still get crap and hassle from people?
Well not exactly since the only reason i'm still working where i am is to give my daughter an excellent education.
That and the fact i can't get a better job elsewhere and foreigners here have limited career opportunities here in France.

I thought writing a book might get my adrenaline flowing and give me the motivation to do something with my life. I've been trying and writing down the words clears my mind, but leaves me feeling exhausted.

I worry all the time about the future. I know that's adding to the stress when i should be just focusing on the present but when i see my savings dwindling away every month, my salary doesn't even cover my basic monthly outgoings, and my predicted pension fund will only allow me to retire on 450€ a month, i seriously wonder where the hell my life went wrong!

The key word here is CONFIDENCE. I'm lacking in that. You and i know the reasons for that so the question is how can i improve my confidence so that i have enough self belief to be to something concrete to change my current situation?

I know what i don't want. I absolutely don't want to stay in the school where i'm now or be renting the same appartment in 5 years time. My daughter's in the equivalent of year 9 so she's got 5 more years to go including this one.

I've got 5 years to plan and work towards something else.

When i read other users threads on jobs and enmployment where they tell us that just sort of fell into a job by chance but still managed to achieve a financially confortable existance good for them. They perhaps worked hard or got extremely lucky. However, we all realise that the days of long term careers are probably over and more and more of us will have to go self employed. Those who choose the right line of work also get lucky. Those who choose the poorly paid or emigrate, as in my case, choose to follow their passion to the detriment of a financially confortable existence.

If you don't choose to work in hi tech, IT, finance, sales or engineering these days, or inherit a load of money then life's going to be rough.

Society and the media pressure constantly focuses on successful people, those who despite all the hardships did something with their lives. That's excellent for them but not so good for those of us who aren't career orientated or lack the personal drive and motivation. What about those lacking the skills to adapt to the workplace. I love using my laptop and feel comfortable using it but that's not the same thing as knowing how to use it to make money.

Money doesn't make people happier, and it can never replace having a wonderful relationship with your children but it definitely makes modern life much easier because it gives you the freedom to enjoy the pleasurable aspects of life ( fast cars, exotic holidays) and takes away the financial worry.

How do people find the 'get up and go' that drives them on?

I'm definitely not lazy and i can be extremely hard working i just don't have the self esteem and mental confidence that probably drives the winners on.

I love my children and i know i'm extremely lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them. But what's going to happen when they've both left home in less than 5 year's time?





The issue is you are trying your best to be confident but are getting taken back down by everyone in your life apart from your children.

You know yourself that if it was not for your children you would be back in the UK.

Your daughter has another 5 years of school to go but what worries me is you are not going to see that 5 years if the stress levels do not start to lower.

Again it is affecting your sleep which in turn makes the days harder and more stressful.

Is there anyway you could sit your kids down and tell them the situation? You would be surprised how grown up and understanding a child can be if you only disclose what is going on.

This way they will know the score and it will help you from trying to keep them safe from the reality. You never know they might give you idea's on what to do.

Your kids mean everything to you but working and living in these situations are not healthy.

As hard as it is keep going with the book. Even if you don't do it for a week due to other things going on. Rome was not built in a day :-)


J4CKO

41,287 posts

199 months

Monday 3rd October 2016
quotequote all
Not read all of this but a couple of tips that I hope will help.

I am trying to lose weight, what works for me is to avoid carbs, loads of info on it, eggs, nuts, cheese (not too much), meat, veg etc, limited booze, easy ont he bread, potatoes etc, nothign ground breaking, a few nuts can stave off hunger for ages.

With regards to your car needing work, disks and pads are dead easy, learn how to do it, get prepped and have a go, you dont need much and there is usually a guide for a specific car on youtube, I did the fronts on our C1 for £35 for front disks and pads.

With regards to weight, get some body fat scales, I have the Ozeri ones off Amazon, if you are working out you will put some muscle on as has been mentioned, this lets you keep track, not sure how accurate they are but this morning I was a pound heavier than yesterday, will be natural fluctuations (hydration level, waste, blood volume, glycogen stored) but my bodyfat percentage has come down and muscle percentage gone up, so if you get it going up a little bit, and you havent been "bad" you get another thing to be positive about, i.e. fat down, muscle up, but the main message is if you stick to a good programme that suits where you are, you cant really put weight as fat and daily readouts just mess with your head, they tend to either demoralise or make you cocky depending on a plus or a minus, how you feel, clothes fit etc is a better way to do it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ozeri-Bathroom-Hydration-...

rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Monday 3rd October 2016
quotequote all
Thanks for the tips. I've cut out all bread, rice, pasta, spaghetti and all sugar. Feeling less bloated and i eat my own packed lunch ( leftovers) instead of filling up with stodgy stuff inthe school cantine.


rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
Absolutely shattered and the morale has gone tonight. I'll explain:

Checked my pigeon hole this morning and found my latest pay slip. Massive shock when i saw my net salary. Just over 1700€! Lower than my first wage back in September 2005!
I rushed to see the school accountant assuming it was an accounting error!
Not at all. The accountant told me she had paid me conforming to the wishes of the new president of the European section who employs me.

Background: i'm employed by a small company ( who run the European section) who employ 9 anglo-saxon teachers who teach English, history in English, Cambridge EFL exams, teach the TOEIC, as well as teaching the baccalauréat. The French educational authorities allow these privately run companies to operate in French private schools because the teachers are highly qualified/experienced in their own countries but they haven't passed the French teaching qualification. This is extremely difficult to get and the rumour is that the examiners automatically mark down English language foreigners taking the English exam due to them having an unfair advantage!!!!
The schools get excellent teachers on the cheap( we don't get increment payments or bonuses like our state employed colleagues) although we teach half classes, use hi tech gadgets, and have parental support.

My boss told me that the new president of the company cut my salary since i don't have a French qualification, and the section has lost pupils. The boss is supposed to market the section to attract new pupils but does the minimum. The headmistress tolerates the European section since our students are generally of excellent quality, but she would love to close the section since she's anti-British!! The parents won't let her as they know certain teachers are outstanding.

My boss told me to shut up, accept the pay cut, and remember that my daughter is getting an excellent education in the attached secondary school.
She said ' if you choose to leave because you think your salary is too low, then good luck in the current economic climate getting a better one. Don't forget that you get to see your daughter everyday at the moment. If you left so would your daughter. Then you wouldn't see her everyday!!!'

I told her straight what i thought of that'!
Her reply:
' are you really going to throw away your daughter's future because i told the président, who's a friend of mine by the way, to cut your salary?'


I'm a good if not excellent teacher. I've worked really hard the past 12 years and hundreds of my students have achieved fantastic results.
Yet what do i get for all that? 600€/month less than 2 years ago!!!

The divorce was bad enough. It's my boss who has made things worse since she was appointed 2 years ago!

All i wanted was time to get over my divorce and rebuild my life with my children. Financially it was tough but i managed. My boss actions have worsened my financial situation and consequently put at risk my ability to see my daughtereveryday.
The ex wants to limit my access, she won't contribute to the fuel costs of taking our daughter to school everyday ( as agreed in the divorce contract), she wants a court fight to kill me financially, and the MIL can't wait to get her claws into my daughter!!!!

I love teaching my students in the school. The parents have confidence in me and often thank me. Unfortunately they have no say on the financial side of things.

I just don't know what to do. My boss wants me out probably due to jealousy and hating men ( another feminist man hater! Rings a Bell?).

I went for a walk around the school during the lunch break. It felt invigorating to be standing in the sun looking up at the clear blue sky!!
I'm trying to focus on living now and enjoying the moment and not worrying about the future.

I couldn't give a st about any of the other teachers in my school since not one of them has supported me or taken the slightest interest in my wellbeing! I say hello and buy them coffees but they ignore me the rest of the day, or talk over me when i start a conversation!
Bloody ignorant and rude!!!


I spent the afternoon break scribbling away in the notebook i carry and writing in anger.

I'm absolutely fed up with bullying, vindictive, faceless, hypocrites who try to ruin other people's lives!
There, i've got that off my chest! Feel better now.

Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 20:42

J4CKO

41,287 posts

199 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
Not sure in French law but surely that is illegal, ie. to cut someones salary without warning or written justification ?

You need legal advice.


rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
The justification is that the contract i signed in September 2005 was to teach between 19 and 21 hours a week. From 2006 to 2013 i was teaching 24-26 hours a week without my original contract being modified. Under French law there's a loophole where companies working in an educational environment employing less than 10 people can modify working hours on an annual basis.

I saw the union rep who told me it's a legal grey area. I wasn't complaining for all those years since i was on a reasonable monthly wage by French standards.

According to the school accountant the new president is just respecting to the letter the terms of the original contract (19-21h weekly teaching timetable).
The problem is that newer teachers who've joined in the past 2 years are being paid a higher hourly rate than me. Surprise, surprise, the boss loves them!!!

The boss hired 2 female teachers. Both Canadian. Aged 30 and 35. Both unmarried.
Just a Canadian teaching degree. No previous expérience of teaching the baccalauréat.Both earn 2000€/month for 18h week teaching.

I get 1700€ for 20h week. I have a PGCE, TEFL and 12 years teaching expérience of the baccalauréat. 100% pass rate every year.

2 other teachers who joined in. 2012 and 2013 get paid 2200€ week for 20h.

My American colleague who's been in the school since 2004 ( 1 year before i arrived) is paid 2400€ month for 18h week. He originally got paid 2200 € but received a pay rise in September!!
The lowest earner is on 1600€ for 18h a week.

Each teacher is on a different hourly rate, some have had pay rises, but only me has had a pay cut since my hourly rate is the lowest and i've had a drop in my weekly teaching
hours from 26 to 20 in the past two years.

The bosses favourite teacher went from being paid 1800€ week in 2013 to 2300€ week this year due to teaching 18h a week and organising a lunchtime music club!!!! She's only 28 and no PGCE, , just a French degree in history!!! She rents one of the bosses houses!!!


Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 21:21

J4CKO

41,287 posts

199 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
What are the opportunities for moving on somewhere else as it sounds a very difficult situation ?

anonymous-user

53 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
Have you looked into what Chaumage you are entitled to?

You are in a toxic environment and you don't seem well equipped to handle it (that's not a criticism, it's just that all people are different). You really need to get out of there.

rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
I've already tried elsewhere. Other private schools proposed just 1500 to 1800€ for 18h a week but only on a temporary 12 month contract!
The Brexit vote has changed the atmosphère over here. Salaries for anglo-saxons working in EFL business English schools and private schools are being frozen or pushed down.
Lots of schools are reinforcing the ideof French jobs for French people with French degrees!

anonymous-user

53 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
rosbif77 said:
I've already tried elsewhere. Other private schools proposed just 1500 to 1800€ for 18h a week but only on a temporary 12 month contract!
The Brexit vote has changed the atmosphère over here. Salaries for anglo-saxons working in EFL business English schools and private schools are being frozen or pushed down.
Lots of schools are reinforcing the ideof French jobs for French people with French degrees!
have you looked into the benefit system. It's pretty generous in lots of ways.

I really do think you need to move on.

rosbif77

Original Poster:

233 posts

96 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
The fact is i'm now being paid the second lowest salary in the company even though i'm the 3rd most experienced teacher.

Teacher 1 : joined 2003. Salary 2600€ for 20h weekly timetable.
Teacher 2 : joined 2004. Salary 2400€ for 18h week.
Teacher 3 ( me!): joined 2005. Salary 1700€ ( before 2300-2500h for 24-26h ) for 20h weekly timetable!!!!!

I only discovered the different hourly rates last year!!!!!

Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 21:38


Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 21:39

anonymous-user

53 months

Tuesday 4th October 2016
quotequote all
rosbif77 said:
The fact is i'm now being paid the second lowest salary in the company even though i'm the 3rd most experienced teacher.

Teacher 1 : joined 2003. Salary 2600€ for 20h weekly timetable.
Teacher 2 : joined 2004. Salary 2400€ for 18h week.
Teacher 3 ( me!): joined 2005. Salary 1700€ ( before 2300-2500h for 24-26h ) for 20h weekly timetable!!!!!

I only discovered the different hourly rates last year!!!!!
leave

anonymous-user

53 months

Wednesday 5th October 2016
quotequote all
Clearly they know you can't leave due to your daughter getting the education at the school so they are going to take advantage of that big time.

This along with everything else is it really worth it?

As mentioned by others I would leave this toxic environment as fast as you can.

Regarding your ex if she is not following what the court put into place regarding paying towards the fuel costs then she should be held accountable for it. If you stepped out of line they would have you back to court before you knew it.

You need to start thinking about yourself. Work is not going to get better. If you stay on they will just keep putting pressure on you or find a way of reducing your pay once more.

Try looking at private schools again. Ok you might get less pay than just now but if work is better then you might get an increase with your background.

BTW if you are off with stress will you get paid? Is it the same as the UK? If so go to the doctor and get signed off. Does France have any no win no fee solicitors?

I know your daughters education means a lot but your health means more.


Joey Ramone

2,150 posts

124 months

Thursday 6th October 2016
quotequote all
Agreed. You're daughter may or may not thank you for her expensive education, but she definitely won't thank you when you top yourself, which looks to be where you are heading

Stop being a martyr to your kids. They'll be fine. I went from a posh private school to a state sixth form college when I was sixteen. Did me no harm whatsoever, quite the opposite in fact. I knew that my parents had been put through hell to keep me at the former I would have been extremely upset.

Move back to the UK at the first available opportunity and begin a new life.