Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?
Discussion
I 'm feeling v.pissed off again because the only friend i had left has decided he doesn't want any more contact with me.
He's a colleague in my ex's school and i've known him for the past 16 years. We babysitted for each other, i supported and helped him out a few years ago when he was suffering from extreme depression and financially broke.
He was the only person who kept in contact during and after the divorce. He never made any jugements and managed to ignore the pressure from all the (divorced) colleagues working in the ex's school.
Sadly he says can't put up with the constant snipping and pschyological pressure from 'colleagues' to stop socialising with me ( cycling/cinema etc).
Basically he told me since he doesn't want to leave the school it was a choice of dumping me as a friend or moving elsewhere!
That leaves me absolutely gutted and totally pissed off!!!
He's a colleague in my ex's school and i've known him for the past 16 years. We babysitted for each other, i supported and helped him out a few years ago when he was suffering from extreme depression and financially broke.
He was the only person who kept in contact during and after the divorce. He never made any jugements and managed to ignore the pressure from all the (divorced) colleagues working in the ex's school.
Sadly he says can't put up with the constant snipping and pschyological pressure from 'colleagues' to stop socialising with me ( cycling/cinema etc).
Basically he told me since he doesn't want to leave the school it was a choice of dumping me as a friend or moving elsewhere!
That leaves me absolutely gutted and totally pissed off!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 14th August 11:29
Hi ELUSIVEJIM. Yes, on one side i'm feeling better because i've just spent the week down in Clermont-Ferrand staying with my (ex) brother/sister in law. They happen to be the only in laws who've regularly kept in touch with me, offered me lots of excellent advice, and showed me lots of compassion.
I took my 2 children so they could also spend some time with their cousins. It's v.difficult emotionally for me to travel down to the Auvergne region as there are so many wonderful memories ( 23 years worth), but off course it's the ex's home area so that makes the journeys very hard.
The brother in law has just set up his own business and times are hard financially for his family so he can understand perfectly what i'm going through. I have a great relationship with him and his wife ( the ex's sister) and from a purely religious point of view were highly critical of the divorce ( very devout traditional French countryside family).
I need to make the break from my past physically as well as emotionally but i'm commited to my children and they both want me to stay as close as possible so that rules out any move for the time being.
I need to set myself some longer term financial and professional objectives. However, that is causing me endless sleepless nights as each possible path to them involves giving up on my children.
I took my 2 children so they could also spend some time with their cousins. It's v.difficult emotionally for me to travel down to the Auvergne region as there are so many wonderful memories ( 23 years worth), but off course it's the ex's home area so that makes the journeys very hard.
The brother in law has just set up his own business and times are hard financially for his family so he can understand perfectly what i'm going through. I have a great relationship with him and his wife ( the ex's sister) and from a purely religious point of view were highly critical of the divorce ( very devout traditional French countryside family).
I need to make the break from my past physically as well as emotionally but i'm commited to my children and they both want me to stay as close as possible so that rules out any move for the time being.
I need to set myself some longer term financial and professional objectives. However, that is causing me endless sleepless nights as each possible path to them involves giving up on my children.
I'm lucky to have such a solid friendship with my ex's sister and husband. In fact i have become closer to them during the past 3 years than in the 23 years i've known.
One thing that is constantly preying on my mind is regret. Unfortunately a lot of people who divorce end up mulling over things wondering what might have happened if such and such a thing had occured etc.
I miss England and to be really honest have missed it for most of my time over here in France. Yes, i've built a new life for myself and overcome numerous hurdles and bad moments but everytime i get back onto the ferry or plane to return here my heart sinks and the adrenaline i had whilst on holiday in England disappears.
During the Olympic Games in 2008/2012 and Rio i had the feeling that i was somehow absent and missing out on the fervour back in Britain. I love the British weather, i miss simple things like popping out to the local newsgents to buy a daily paper, i miss the simple British politeness when in a public place, i miss the community spirit which is sorely lacking in France, and i miss being able to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop/ in a shop etc.
Why did i move to France then? Well, because i loved my wife and because i wanted a new family. I 'd spent every school holiday during 3 years in France. I'd got used to the French lifestyle and i'd met and got to know my ex's huge, close family. What i didn't know about at this time, and what i only found about after several years living in France was the true nature of the French mother in law, her family's darkest secrets and the terrible suffering my ex and her sister endured when they were growing up.
The mother in law was so generous, so warm, so loving towards me during the 3 years i spent holidaying in Clermont-Ferrand before emigrating. Once i'd given up my job/career in England, settled down near Paris and my son was born did she start to reveal her true personality. She's intensly religious, but a real 'manhater'. Her mother had endured terrible suffering during WW2, had suffered from being denounced by neighbours to the Vichy milice and had developped an intense hatred of men. AThe grandmother had passed down to her own daughter this hatred for men and had taught her that for a woman to survive she must be more cunning than a man! According to the grandmother,who passed this onto my t stepmother a man can never be trusted. He should be crushed and humiliated and blackmailled into submission before he can hurt a woman.
The stepmother is like a spider, drawing her prey into the web whereupon it can be captured and consumed. My ex sister in law 'escaped' many years ago from her mother's clutches but the ex was always under her influence. This obviously put a terrible strain on the marriage.
I had a terrible relationship with the mother in law after the initial honeymoon period. Eventually it caused too many problems in the couple and the mother in law could then say, 'look i told you so my son in law is no good for my daughter'. She would constantly denigrate me in public, mock me, and try to manipulate my wife to follow the mum and not me. I would defend myself and it would end up with the wife and her mother on one side and me on the other. Every time i suffered from bad luck or misfortune the mother in law would seize on it to show how poor a husband/father i was (just like my own father). Not only was i not good enough in my own father's eyes i was also a failure for my mother in law. In the in laws only my sister/brother in law defended my side as all the others were too afraid to cross the mother. She has a wealthy brother who employed many of them in family run businesses or would give generous handouts to those in the family who toed the line.
All of this has left me with a terrible feeling of regret. Why did i end up swapping one emotionally destructive situation for another one? Why is it that i couldn't have the family i always wanted in England and neither in France?
Finally i'm very protective of my own 2 children because i don't want them to end up in the same destructive spiral. The mother in law has repeatedly said that if i move back to England she'd be able to educate them properly!!!!!
One thing that is constantly preying on my mind is regret. Unfortunately a lot of people who divorce end up mulling over things wondering what might have happened if such and such a thing had occured etc.
I miss England and to be really honest have missed it for most of my time over here in France. Yes, i've built a new life for myself and overcome numerous hurdles and bad moments but everytime i get back onto the ferry or plane to return here my heart sinks and the adrenaline i had whilst on holiday in England disappears.
During the Olympic Games in 2008/2012 and Rio i had the feeling that i was somehow absent and missing out on the fervour back in Britain. I love the British weather, i miss simple things like popping out to the local newsgents to buy a daily paper, i miss the simple British politeness when in a public place, i miss the community spirit which is sorely lacking in France, and i miss being able to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop/ in a shop etc.
Why did i move to France then? Well, because i loved my wife and because i wanted a new family. I 'd spent every school holiday during 3 years in France. I'd got used to the French lifestyle and i'd met and got to know my ex's huge, close family. What i didn't know about at this time, and what i only found about after several years living in France was the true nature of the French mother in law, her family's darkest secrets and the terrible suffering my ex and her sister endured when they were growing up.
The mother in law was so generous, so warm, so loving towards me during the 3 years i spent holidaying in Clermont-Ferrand before emigrating. Once i'd given up my job/career in England, settled down near Paris and my son was born did she start to reveal her true personality. She's intensly religious, but a real 'manhater'. Her mother had endured terrible suffering during WW2, had suffered from being denounced by neighbours to the Vichy milice and had developped an intense hatred of men. AThe grandmother had passed down to her own daughter this hatred for men and had taught her that for a woman to survive she must be more cunning than a man! According to the grandmother,who passed this onto my t stepmother a man can never be trusted. He should be crushed and humiliated and blackmailled into submission before he can hurt a woman.
The stepmother is like a spider, drawing her prey into the web whereupon it can be captured and consumed. My ex sister in law 'escaped' many years ago from her mother's clutches but the ex was always under her influence. This obviously put a terrible strain on the marriage.
I had a terrible relationship with the mother in law after the initial honeymoon period. Eventually it caused too many problems in the couple and the mother in law could then say, 'look i told you so my son in law is no good for my daughter'. She would constantly denigrate me in public, mock me, and try to manipulate my wife to follow the mum and not me. I would defend myself and it would end up with the wife and her mother on one side and me on the other. Every time i suffered from bad luck or misfortune the mother in law would seize on it to show how poor a husband/father i was (just like my own father). Not only was i not good enough in my own father's eyes i was also a failure for my mother in law. In the in laws only my sister/brother in law defended my side as all the others were too afraid to cross the mother. She has a wealthy brother who employed many of them in family run businesses or would give generous handouts to those in the family who toed the line.
All of this has left me with a terrible feeling of regret. Why did i end up swapping one emotionally destructive situation for another one? Why is it that i couldn't have the family i always wanted in England and neither in France?
Finally i'm very protective of my own 2 children because i don't want them to end up in the same destructive spiral. The mother in law has repeatedly said that if i move back to England she'd be able to educate them properly!!!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 22 August 09:09
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 22 August 09:21
I had several long chats with the brother/sister in law (BIL/SIL) last week and they both agreed that my marriage would probably have survived if i'd remained in England. The SIL in particulier feels v.guilty that she didn't tell the reality concerning the MIL before i moved to France, but then again at that moment she was still a young teenager heavily dependant on her mum and under her emotional influence. She admitted she married her husband because his family were well off and the MIL had no hold over them!
My SIL confided in me that her sister wanted to get married in England and live there but that her mother had basically told her that if she did that i would 'be in control and a man destroys a woman's life when he's in control!'.
I can only imagine the what caused the grandmother to brainwash her own daughter ( the MIL) into such anti male hatred, but at the same time my ex also had the opportunity to escape from her but didn't take it!
All my ex's cousins knew the family secrets dating back to WW2 concerning resistance activities ( Clermont-Ferrand was under French Vichy control) but not all the in laws were aware of the French vs French betrayals/denunciations and extreme violence inflicted on certain members of my ex's family. Even my ex father in law had scars from his military service in Algeria during the terrible colonial war there. In fact he was a French paratrooper whose unit was involved in 'cleaning up' villages in the Algerian mountains suspected of helping the anti-French forces. He bears the physical scars, he was constantly under the MIL's thumb and they both hid their pain in alcohol.
My ex and her sister certainly had a tough upbringing.
It's strange that my problems with my own father and with the French MIL are the result of their own wartime experiences. However, a lot of people who suffered during the wars have also used their own personal suffering to make others lives better.
My SIL confided in me that her sister wanted to get married in England and live there but that her mother had basically told her that if she did that i would 'be in control and a man destroys a woman's life when he's in control!'.
I can only imagine the what caused the grandmother to brainwash her own daughter ( the MIL) into such anti male hatred, but at the same time my ex also had the opportunity to escape from her but didn't take it!
All my ex's cousins knew the family secrets dating back to WW2 concerning resistance activities ( Clermont-Ferrand was under French Vichy control) but not all the in laws were aware of the French vs French betrayals/denunciations and extreme violence inflicted on certain members of my ex's family. Even my ex father in law had scars from his military service in Algeria during the terrible colonial war there. In fact he was a French paratrooper whose unit was involved in 'cleaning up' villages in the Algerian mountains suspected of helping the anti-French forces. He bears the physical scars, he was constantly under the MIL's thumb and they both hid their pain in alcohol.
My ex and her sister certainly had a tough upbringing.
It's strange that my problems with my own father and with the French MIL are the result of their own wartime experiences. However, a lot of people who suffered during the wars have also used their own personal suffering to make others lives better.
Does anyone have any ideas/links to useful websites about overcoming a chronic lack of self confidence and setting goals.
I keep having frequent panic attacks where i have nightmares about trying to achieve something, it all goes horribly wrong ( due to bad luck) and i end up failling in what i want to do. Consequently i wake up several times during the night soaked in sweat and find it difficult to to get a full night's sleep.
My GP advised various breathing and relaxation techniques and writing down lists of daily things to do( as well as prescibing sleeping pills which just made things worse!)
I realise how incredibly lucky i am to have such a fantastic relationship with my two children but i can't stop worrying about the future. I'm suffering financially and emotionally by having to live near the ex, but at the same time i don't want to leave my kids. That makes me want to overeat, and to counter this i head to the gym!
How do people build the confidence to work towards an objective?
What techniques can be used to ignore/overcome the negative thoughts every time i try to sit down and write?
The only goal i had when i moved to France was to have the family i never really enjoyed when i was growing up.
Now that my circumstances have changed my goals are to be the best possible father for my children, be financially independent, buy my own house and travel. Pretty much the same lifetime financial goals for most people but they appear unachievable on my current salary!
I always think that i'm a failure and no good( a hard habbit to break which comes from my childhood and my dad).
My self esteem has plummeted over the past 18 months and that's led to compulsive overeating/confort eating. I've definitely built muscle but i still can't shift the belly fat!
I keep having frequent panic attacks where i have nightmares about trying to achieve something, it all goes horribly wrong ( due to bad luck) and i end up failling in what i want to do. Consequently i wake up several times during the night soaked in sweat and find it difficult to to get a full night's sleep.
My GP advised various breathing and relaxation techniques and writing down lists of daily things to do( as well as prescibing sleeping pills which just made things worse!)
I realise how incredibly lucky i am to have such a fantastic relationship with my two children but i can't stop worrying about the future. I'm suffering financially and emotionally by having to live near the ex, but at the same time i don't want to leave my kids. That makes me want to overeat, and to counter this i head to the gym!
How do people build the confidence to work towards an objective?
What techniques can be used to ignore/overcome the negative thoughts every time i try to sit down and write?
The only goal i had when i moved to France was to have the family i never really enjoyed when i was growing up.
Now that my circumstances have changed my goals are to be the best possible father for my children, be financially independent, buy my own house and travel. Pretty much the same lifetime financial goals for most people but they appear unachievable on my current salary!
I always think that i'm a failure and no good( a hard habbit to break which comes from my childhood and my dad).
My self esteem has plummeted over the past 18 months and that's led to compulsive overeating/confort eating. I've definitely built muscle but i still can't shift the belly fat!
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 23 August 16:40
One particularly vivid memory i have of school is aged 12 being caught by the bullies in my class snacking on some cake my mum had given me that morning behind the bike sheds. They grabbed me , forced me to the ground, despite me knocking one of them out cold and inflicting a fair few black eyes ( there were 8 or 9 if i remember!), and then stuffing the cake mixed with bird droppings and stones down my throat till i was choking. I ended up blacking out and the next thing i remember was waking up to find the nurse had made me throw up!! A crowd of other kids were peering down at me mostly laughing at my appearance!
The local housing estate was slowly going up during this period and every weekend i loved riding my bike down to the water logged/muddy building site and get absolutely filthy!! I still remember the time i got attacked by more bullies who left me for dead. They'd decided to teach me a lesson after i'd thumped back one of their mates in the school toilet. They planned an ambush, threw bricks at me to knock me off my bike, then dragged me kicking and punching to the marshy bit where they tried to push my head under the mud!!! One got a broken jaw for his efforts but his older brother whacked me on the head with a plank of wood 'to quieten me down a bit!' I certainly gave as good as i got but there were always 8-10 of them so my size/force was no good! A local girl found me in the mud later with a bleeding head, black eye and covered from head to toe in mud. One bully took a photo of me with my face down in the mud, bubbles in the mud and one guy peeing on me! That photo got passed round at school to much general amusement! .It was taken on a Kodak instant camera which were popular back then!!!Similar to selfies nowadays i suppose!!!!
The boys who did it never got punished. In fact the same week they jumped me in the boys toilet and attempted to brutally flush my head down the loo. One threw some horrible chemical in my face to catch me off guard (an elder brother had nicked it from the chemistry lab) then they rushed me. Fortunately, they got caught in the act by a prefect and got lines. I got burnt and stitches which left scars , broken glasses, and the week off school injured! That week i remember my mum made an exquisite French gateau which i munched my way through! My dad complained to the school governors who hushed it up!
By year 9 the violence had taken another turn with a couple of huge year 11 lads who tried several times to throttle me with a school tie or once a girl's skipping rope during lessons in the toilets ( i couldn't go during breaks due to gangs of bullies so made excuses during lesson time). I mostly managed to evade their attempts to ambush me but occasionally that didn't work! The fights were violent, bloody and we all ended up in detention. I had marks on my throat but every time the school ignored it/made light of it. My dad threatened to inform the police ( but never did) and just told me to fight better like a man next time!
I still have a mark on my neck from the stanley knife they threatened me with!!!!
To get revenge the 2 guys enlisted the help of their mates in another school to jump me on the way home. They ambushed me on my bike, threw a metal bar through the front wheel, and then as i lay bleeding on the ground rammed a bottle of rum into my mouth and emptied the contents into me!!! When i staggered home i didn't bother to tell my dad the real reason ( why bother anyway since i 'fell off' my bike virtually every week coming home from school), so i took my medicine ( cold bath, no tea followed by straight to bed) and forgot about it!
The physical violence i suffered daily at school was pretty mild compared to the occasions i've listed above. It was sly kicks in the groin in the boys changing room, a punch in the ribs while queueing for lunch, being spat at in the corridor, being pushed down a flight of stairs ( 'oh sorry miss he just kind of stumbled!)', part of a frog dumped down my back during biology, being deliberately peed on in urinals, food spat onto my plate in the cantine,pencils thrown at my face whilst the teacher's back was turned etc etc. I mostly didn't bother to fight back because i was always outnumbered, when i did the bulling just got worse and my dad shouted at me that i stupid, useless and should've hit them harder!
When every single day you lose count of the numbers of times you're hit, spat at, insulted, pushed, had stuff thrown at you just don't bother to react anymore, since you know the result if you do.
The times i fought back was when i was being half strangled in the toilets, having a year 11 prefect try to force my trousers down and stick an aptly named screwdriver up my arse, nearly being drowned in mud, having 3/4 bigger guys wrapping heavy duty tape round my mouth/nose while others kicked me in the ribs,or having food/stones/crap from the toilet forced down my throat till i could hardly breathe!
I probably endured more than 20 serious attempts to suffocate/strangle/drown me and not once did ever get any help with the resulting nightmares, fear of the dark and over eating.
Even now i have a fear of getting locked in a dark room due to once being bundled into a store cupboard, a fire extinguisher let off in my face and to finish the cupboard taped up!!!
The lab technicien got me out after i'd already lost consciousnous!
The comprehensive school had below average results, a headmaster who believed teenage kids were all angels and anyway ' boys will be boys!'.
My mum knew what was really happening and always made sure there was a lovely cake waiting for every evening i got home!!! The smell of freshly baked cake wafting through the house was wonderful!
The local housing estate was slowly going up during this period and every weekend i loved riding my bike down to the water logged/muddy building site and get absolutely filthy!! I still remember the time i got attacked by more bullies who left me for dead. They'd decided to teach me a lesson after i'd thumped back one of their mates in the school toilet. They planned an ambush, threw bricks at me to knock me off my bike, then dragged me kicking and punching to the marshy bit where they tried to push my head under the mud!!! One got a broken jaw for his efforts but his older brother whacked me on the head with a plank of wood 'to quieten me down a bit!' I certainly gave as good as i got but there were always 8-10 of them so my size/force was no good! A local girl found me in the mud later with a bleeding head, black eye and covered from head to toe in mud. One bully took a photo of me with my face down in the mud, bubbles in the mud and one guy peeing on me! That photo got passed round at school to much general amusement! .It was taken on a Kodak instant camera which were popular back then!!!Similar to selfies nowadays i suppose!!!!
The boys who did it never got punished. In fact the same week they jumped me in the boys toilet and attempted to brutally flush my head down the loo. One threw some horrible chemical in my face to catch me off guard (an elder brother had nicked it from the chemistry lab) then they rushed me. Fortunately, they got caught in the act by a prefect and got lines. I got burnt and stitches which left scars , broken glasses, and the week off school injured! That week i remember my mum made an exquisite French gateau which i munched my way through! My dad complained to the school governors who hushed it up!
By year 9 the violence had taken another turn with a couple of huge year 11 lads who tried several times to throttle me with a school tie or once a girl's skipping rope during lessons in the toilets ( i couldn't go during breaks due to gangs of bullies so made excuses during lesson time). I mostly managed to evade their attempts to ambush me but occasionally that didn't work! The fights were violent, bloody and we all ended up in detention. I had marks on my throat but every time the school ignored it/made light of it. My dad threatened to inform the police ( but never did) and just told me to fight better like a man next time!
I still have a mark on my neck from the stanley knife they threatened me with!!!!
To get revenge the 2 guys enlisted the help of their mates in another school to jump me on the way home. They ambushed me on my bike, threw a metal bar through the front wheel, and then as i lay bleeding on the ground rammed a bottle of rum into my mouth and emptied the contents into me!!! When i staggered home i didn't bother to tell my dad the real reason ( why bother anyway since i 'fell off' my bike virtually every week coming home from school), so i took my medicine ( cold bath, no tea followed by straight to bed) and forgot about it!
The physical violence i suffered daily at school was pretty mild compared to the occasions i've listed above. It was sly kicks in the groin in the boys changing room, a punch in the ribs while queueing for lunch, being spat at in the corridor, being pushed down a flight of stairs ( 'oh sorry miss he just kind of stumbled!)', part of a frog dumped down my back during biology, being deliberately peed on in urinals, food spat onto my plate in the cantine,pencils thrown at my face whilst the teacher's back was turned etc etc. I mostly didn't bother to fight back because i was always outnumbered, when i did the bulling just got worse and my dad shouted at me that i stupid, useless and should've hit them harder!
When every single day you lose count of the numbers of times you're hit, spat at, insulted, pushed, had stuff thrown at you just don't bother to react anymore, since you know the result if you do.
The times i fought back was when i was being half strangled in the toilets, having a year 11 prefect try to force my trousers down and stick an aptly named screwdriver up my arse, nearly being drowned in mud, having 3/4 bigger guys wrapping heavy duty tape round my mouth/nose while others kicked me in the ribs,or having food/stones/crap from the toilet forced down my throat till i could hardly breathe!
I probably endured more than 20 serious attempts to suffocate/strangle/drown me and not once did ever get any help with the resulting nightmares, fear of the dark and over eating.
Even now i have a fear of getting locked in a dark room due to once being bundled into a store cupboard, a fire extinguisher let off in my face and to finish the cupboard taped up!!!
The lab technicien got me out after i'd already lost consciousnous!
The comprehensive school had below average results, a headmaster who believed teenage kids were all angels and anyway ' boys will be boys!'.
My mum knew what was really happening and always made sure there was a lovely cake waiting for every evening i got home!!! The smell of freshly baked cake wafting through the house was wonderful!
Edited by rosbif77 on Wednesday 24th August 17:34
Edited by rosbif77 on Wednesday 24th August 17:42
Edited by rosbif77 on Wednesday 24th August 18:56
I suppose that i just did what was necessary to get through each day. No matter what emotional, physical or possible sexual abuse i endured i never received the help and support to stop it happening. Consequently, it was the 'fight or flight' mechanism that took over.
There were days when i just took the punches, kicks, blows and other days when as i was literally drowning in a toilet, in a pool of stinking mud, or feeling my ribs being crushed under the weight of several guys jumping on my chest, or seeing the world go dark as a year 11 pulled the tie round my thoat that the animal instinct of survival took over and i lashed out as violently as possible to stay alive.
Every night i would wake up soaked in sweat fighting the sheets like i was fighting to get out of the mud etc. No one really believed me, or wanted to believe me, when i told them how it felt to be strangled, suffocated, drowned since no boys in the school were capable of such brutality.
I never realised at the time how terrible the violence was i had to put up with. As a result i just buried it as deep as possible inside me.
When i was 28 i met by chance one of the guys who'd tried numerous times to drown me in the toilet/mud when i was at school.
He was an absolutely evil son of a b
h. I bumped into him in a Portsmouth pub by chance . I recognized him but he didn't remember me!!!!
He 'd made a fortune buying up failling small businesses, wrecking them and selling them off piece by pièce. He loved firing people. He bought his stepfather's business, ran it down then fired him!!! He eventually bought a huge manor house and retired 5 years ago a millionaire! The same year a local paper ran a story about how this wealthy local businessman had been convicted of animal cruelty by killing his daughter's dog by throwing it alive into a brick crushing machine( while he made her watch!!!) He found it amusing! His daughter wanted to be a vet which he didn't agree with so in a fit of rage killed the dog!!!!
There were days when i just took the punches, kicks, blows and other days when as i was literally drowning in a toilet, in a pool of stinking mud, or feeling my ribs being crushed under the weight of several guys jumping on my chest, or seeing the world go dark as a year 11 pulled the tie round my thoat that the animal instinct of survival took over and i lashed out as violently as possible to stay alive.
Every night i would wake up soaked in sweat fighting the sheets like i was fighting to get out of the mud etc. No one really believed me, or wanted to believe me, when i told them how it felt to be strangled, suffocated, drowned since no boys in the school were capable of such brutality.
I never realised at the time how terrible the violence was i had to put up with. As a result i just buried it as deep as possible inside me.
When i was 28 i met by chance one of the guys who'd tried numerous times to drown me in the toilet/mud when i was at school.
He was an absolutely evil son of a b
h. I bumped into him in a Portsmouth pub by chance . I recognized him but he didn't remember me!!!!He 'd made a fortune buying up failling small businesses, wrecking them and selling them off piece by pièce. He loved firing people. He bought his stepfather's business, ran it down then fired him!!! He eventually bought a huge manor house and retired 5 years ago a millionaire! The same year a local paper ran a story about how this wealthy local businessman had been convicted of animal cruelty by killing his daughter's dog by throwing it alive into a brick crushing machine( while he made her watch!!!) He found it amusing! His daughter wanted to be a vet which he didn't agree with so in a fit of rage killed the dog!!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Thursday 25th August 14:13
Thanks for the comment. It's been liberating to reveal what i suffered in my youth but at the same time a bit scary. You never quite know what kind of response you going to get by talking about things which affected your whole life.
I've spent a large part of my life trying to hide my feelings of bitterness and anger about what happened to me in my relationship with food.
As EXCLUSIVEJIM correctly stated that explains a lot my weight problems since childhood.
I've spent a large part of my life trying to hide my feelings of bitterness and anger about what happened to me in my relationship with food.
As EXCLUSIVEJIM correctly stated that explains a lot my weight problems since childhood.
My experiences at school added to what was happening at home had a terrible effect on my self esteem and self confidence. Everyone around me viewed me as a human punching ball ( quite literally at school) and no matter how hard i tried to stick up for myself i couldn't defend myself against all the waves of criticism, insults, slaps, punches etc that i endured literally every day for 5 years at secondary school.
When i moved to the sixth form the insults, mocking, spitting took a more cunning turn with students spitting in my hair/back whilst i walked by and there was always a minimum of 5/6 guys ready to dish out violence if i fought back. I was top in my A level classes at history, English and commerce and that just made the bullies i'd known since secondary school even angrier!
They'd still try to push me down a flight of stairs but this time i'd learnt some self defense so would use their momentum to push them down!! They learnt quickly to always be a group of 8-10 hanging out on the stairs waiting for me. The teachers were even more useless concerning bullying, however the bullies in the 6th form never tried to have a go at me in the toilets because i'd 'acquired' a pretty useful punch!!!
I was also the first in my year to pass their driving test, although my dad's response was muted ( no champagne or special meal just 'it's normal'). I was the first in my year to also buy their first car and drive it to the 6th form.The bullies reacted badly to this and slashed my tyres, wrote graffiti on the car and even dumped a bag of horse manure on it ( one had a rich farmer as dad). Back then there was video cameras so nothing was ever proven!!!
All this didn't stop me driving my car every day and i always left after the coach taking the students back so i could overtake it on the road home!!!! The bullies hated that!
Despite having achieved the above i didn't improve my self esteem. I just thought 'it was normal' ( like my dad repeated ) and since i still had to put up with bullying at the 6th form and had no friends, i though passing my test and getting excellent school results was nothing to be proud of.
As the years passed a lot of the bullies from my childhood went on to achieve things professionally. Apart from the year 11 who became a wealthy businessman ( see earlier post), his year 11 mate inherited the family garage and with cash from the grandparents bought up 3 garages. He had the self confidence to run them and received every possible support from his family to go on and expand the business. He probably worked hard but at the same time inflicting mental and physical abuse on a fellow pupil for 5 years didn't effect his attitude towards life. He never lacked the self confidence like i did.
Other bullies from school enjoyed their parents encouraging them during sports day, constantly talking up their school achievements, having parents who paid for the annual school skiing trip or who were always there to encourage them. They got pocket money and cinema tickets from their parents which i never had.
I could never go to the cinema so i invented my own plots and wrote them down at night under the bed covers.
I never understood what motivated the kids from well off families who enjoyed a very comfortable school life, or kids from poorer families with very supportive parents , to inflict such brutal treatment on a fellow classmate. They all behaved like sheep at school and followed 2 guys who were in my year group. These 2 had parents who were GP's and accountants and wanted for nothing. However, at the time they relished in their role of gang leaders dishing out violence on a daily basis.
One became an architect and now owns his own agency in Dubai whilst the other became a stock broker and now lives in London.
It's true that money doesn't buy happiness but at the same time it makes life a lot more easier.
To finish this post i'll quote my dad who's told me several times over the years
' the reason why you've never got on life is because you lack character. You don't have what it takes to stick things out and get through the tough times.You've only got yourself to blame for what happens to you in life.'
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 27th August 16:15
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 27th August 16:49
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 27th August 17:14
Unfortunately my dad is still my dad and i've come to understand how his own suffering when he was young affected his whole life and his approach towards me. However, what i'm hoping he'll say to me won't probably happen since he's 86.
My problem is ( and always has been) very low self confidence. I realize this and as a result that depresses me so i look for a boost in food. Whenever i have a bad day i rush to the kitchen and overeat. I stopped buying biscuits/cakes long ago so i grab some fruit or some cheese.
How on earth can i boost my self esteem when i'm constantly reminded of past failures? I'm seriously lacking in motivation because i remember all the times i was called stupid and useless and even when i did something to be proud off i never got any congratulations.
When i was young all i wanted to be was a writer. I built my own fictional worlds in my stories and withdrew into them to escape from the outside world. My dad did everything possible to put me off becoming a writer believing that i was wasting my time on something that according to him wasn't a real job. He even punished me when he caught me writing at night and tore up a manuscript i'd written.
As i've already posted previously my teachers at school laughed at my stories and mocked them!!!
It's not a surprise that i ended up doing jobs to make enough money but which i had no real passion for.
I went into teaching to help kids and because i love history and telling stories.
My ex said i would never be a writer since i lacked the confidence and talent to get a story published. I showed her some of my plots and was told to forget it and focus on earning a decent salary.The MIL just mocked me in public about this when the ex told her.
In fact i've always been surrounded by people who discouraged me from following my passion.
It's no surprise that after hearing the same negative comments for the past 40 odd years i seriously wonder if i should even bother to try again!
The fear of failling is what's holding me back. I'm worried that if i decide to write a book I'll have wasted the precious time i could've spent studying for a masters in history.
I'm tempted to study a history masters with The Open University but the study fees ( even by distance learning) are simply laughable!!!!!
It would cost nearly £20000 for a 2 years master's! Even then i'd still have to sit the competitive entrance exam over here in France to become a history teacher in the French state educational system.
I'm 49 now and wondering if it would be better to forget the writing and instead study for more qualifications.
As i've already posted previously my teachers at school laughed at my stories and mocked them!!!
It's not a surprise that i ended up doing jobs to make enough money but which i had no real passion for.
I went into teaching to help kids and because i love history and telling stories.
My ex said i would never be a writer since i lacked the confidence and talent to get a story published. I showed her some of my plots and was told to forget it and focus on earning a decent salary.The MIL just mocked me in public about this when the ex told her.
In fact i've always been surrounded by people who discouraged me from following my passion.
It's no surprise that after hearing the same negative comments for the past 40 odd years i seriously wonder if i should even bother to try again!
The fear of failling is what's holding me back. I'm worried that if i decide to write a book I'll have wasted the precious time i could've spent studying for a masters in history.
I'm tempted to study a history masters with The Open University but the study fees ( even by distance learning) are simply laughable!!!!!
It would cost nearly £20000 for a 2 years master's! Even then i'd still have to sit the competitive entrance exam over here in France to become a history teacher in the French state educational system.
I'm 49 now and wondering if it would be better to forget the writing and instead study for more qualifications.
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 29th August 14:02
Today was back to school day for all the teaching staff at the private school where i work.
An absolute disastrous day has left me completely depressed. The main events:
1. Discovered at 9am that all the teachers in the International Section (IS) had been sent their timetables during the summer holiday except me. Why? The head of dept decided to cut my hours again and gave me the worst timetable ( lessons at start/end of most days with huge gaps during the day. ) My colleagues go home early each day!
2. 4th pay cut in last 3 years. Lost more teaching hours which have gone to dept head's favourite. I'm only teacher in dept to have had multiple pay cuts.
3. After heated discussion with said dept head i was told 'the door's over there. Close it on the way out! Oh, i forgot if you do that your daughter won't get the same quality of education elsewhere!'.
4. The head of dept congratulated her fav teachers in the IS in front of all the school staff at welcome back meeting. Their students achieved satisfactory results last year 60-70%. I achieved 100% for the 12th running.
No one in the 6th form stood up to mention this. I stood up and reminded her of my student's fantastic results. She cut me off with 'someone else obviously believes they're better than their students' Some teachers defended me so she cut short her speech!
5. All the staff were treated to a gourmet lunch ( served by local luxury caterers) by the school head. During the meal all my English dept colleagues cold shouldered me to waffle/charm the head of dept.
6. I've been excluded, for the fifth year running, from the 6th form annual school trip to New York. Every year the English teachers take it in turns to go with their pupils.I teach the American civilisation program in the IS.
Every English teacher in the 6th form has been selected to go by the school head/ head of English. I've once again been overlooked. The reason, i'm needed in the 6th form to replace my absent colleagues when they go to New York!
The whole day my fellow colleagues in the English dept gave me the cold shoulder and talked up the results of certain teachers who achieved 'average' results.
I had enough so told them exactly what i thought about that mentioning my fantastic exam results. The head of the IS butted in, talked over me and downplayed my achievements. She is very authoritarian, childless, divorced 3 times, and is a childhood friend of the school headmistress.
I refused to be beliittled in front of everyone by her and argued how exceptional the results of my students have been for the past 12 years, and how many young people's lives i have effected positively.
Not one colleague was prepared to defend me.
The IS head informed me after this 'showdown' that she wouldn't let me go on any school trips this year ( New York/Scotland/England) and that next year i should expect a further cut in teaching hours!!
Everywhere i go i meet the same manipulative person who wants to ruin my life( my dad, bullies at school, MIL, ex).
The more i stand up to my boss at school the more she uses my daughter's situation against me.( 50% off study fees for all teachers/staff with children in the school, well integrated, excellent school results, happy).
If i could i'd move but my local schools are all sink estate state schools withgangs, average results and under funded
An absolute disastrous day has left me completely depressed. The main events:
1. Discovered at 9am that all the teachers in the International Section (IS) had been sent their timetables during the summer holiday except me. Why? The head of dept decided to cut my hours again and gave me the worst timetable ( lessons at start/end of most days with huge gaps during the day. ) My colleagues go home early each day!
2. 4th pay cut in last 3 years. Lost more teaching hours which have gone to dept head's favourite. I'm only teacher in dept to have had multiple pay cuts.
3. After heated discussion with said dept head i was told 'the door's over there. Close it on the way out! Oh, i forgot if you do that your daughter won't get the same quality of education elsewhere!'.
4. The head of dept congratulated her fav teachers in the IS in front of all the school staff at welcome back meeting. Their students achieved satisfactory results last year 60-70%. I achieved 100% for the 12th running.
No one in the 6th form stood up to mention this. I stood up and reminded her of my student's fantastic results. She cut me off with 'someone else obviously believes they're better than their students' Some teachers defended me so she cut short her speech!
5. All the staff were treated to a gourmet lunch ( served by local luxury caterers) by the school head. During the meal all my English dept colleagues cold shouldered me to waffle/charm the head of dept.
6. I've been excluded, for the fifth year running, from the 6th form annual school trip to New York. Every year the English teachers take it in turns to go with their pupils.I teach the American civilisation program in the IS.
Every English teacher in the 6th form has been selected to go by the school head/ head of English. I've once again been overlooked. The reason, i'm needed in the 6th form to replace my absent colleagues when they go to New York!
The whole day my fellow colleagues in the English dept gave me the cold shoulder and talked up the results of certain teachers who achieved 'average' results.
I had enough so told them exactly what i thought about that mentioning my fantastic exam results. The head of the IS butted in, talked over me and downplayed my achievements. She is very authoritarian, childless, divorced 3 times, and is a childhood friend of the school headmistress.
I refused to be beliittled in front of everyone by her and argued how exceptional the results of my students have been for the past 12 years, and how many young people's lives i have effected positively.
Not one colleague was prepared to defend me.
The IS head informed me after this 'showdown' that she wouldn't let me go on any school trips this year ( New York/Scotland/England) and that next year i should expect a further cut in teaching hours!!
Everywhere i go i meet the same manipulative person who wants to ruin my life( my dad, bullies at school, MIL, ex).
The more i stand up to my boss at school the more she uses my daughter's situation against me.( 50% off study fees for all teachers/staff with children in the school, well integrated, excellent school results, happy).
If i could i'd move but my local schools are all sink estate state schools withgangs, average results and under funded
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 30th August 16:44
I recorded the conversations and the details have been added to the already thick dossier. The union rep at the school is well aware of the situation and has several complaints from other non-English teachers in the school.
My daughter's in the secondary school( which has outstanding achievement status) whereas in the 6th form there are certain issues regarding certain subject areas. Both schools are heavily over subscribed due to the average local schools and the pupils having access to a multi lingual curriculum.
To reply to your points i've got nothing against 'sink hole estate schools'. I even went to me and endured 5 years of hell. When i qualified as a teacher i taught in one in Portsmouth because i wanted to help the kids and i changed many student's lives, despite the obstacles being placed in my path by career obsessed colleagues. I wanted to be head of dept there but got stabbed in the back by jealous colleagues.
Furthermore, yes i have quite a few problems as you are no doubt aware of having read through this thread.
I'm not ashamed to admit that i want the best for both of my children. My son obtained fantastic results during his time there and consequently got a place at a top Paris university. He was very happy at the school. My daughter is also very happy at the school as well.
What seriously pisses me off is someone with power abusing their authority to take advantage of my weakened personal/financial situation.
I've already applied to numerous other private schools in the area. They're all taking advantage of the current poor economic climate over here to drive down wages. Even state school teachers have had pay frozen for several years.
Over here in France teaching is seen as a cushy job with long holidays. It doesn't matter if you're a gifted teacher or an average one. You both get the same salary. In private schools heads have more freedom and therefore tend to reward friends or colleagues they like by giving them excellent timetables, pay rises etc.
My daughter's in the secondary school( which has outstanding achievement status) whereas in the 6th form there are certain issues regarding certain subject areas. Both schools are heavily over subscribed due to the average local schools and the pupils having access to a multi lingual curriculum.
To reply to your points i've got nothing against 'sink hole estate schools'. I even went to me and endured 5 years of hell. When i qualified as a teacher i taught in one in Portsmouth because i wanted to help the kids and i changed many student's lives, despite the obstacles being placed in my path by career obsessed colleagues. I wanted to be head of dept there but got stabbed in the back by jealous colleagues.
Furthermore, yes i have quite a few problems as you are no doubt aware of having read through this thread.
I'm not ashamed to admit that i want the best for both of my children. My son obtained fantastic results during his time there and consequently got a place at a top Paris university. He was very happy at the school. My daughter is also very happy at the school as well.
What seriously pisses me off is someone with power abusing their authority to take advantage of my weakened personal/financial situation.
I've already applied to numerous other private schools in the area. They're all taking advantage of the current poor economic climate over here to drive down wages. Even state school teachers have had pay frozen for several years.
Over here in France teaching is seen as a cushy job with long holidays. It doesn't matter if you're a gifted teacher or an average one. You both get the same salary. In private schools heads have more freedom and therefore tend to reward friends or colleagues they like by giving them excellent timetables, pay rises etc.
MYOB said:
Are you not a member of the teacher's union in France? I gather the unions are quite strong in France...
I'm in a union. However, it's weak compared to the big state employed unions( teachers etc.In France if you're French born and have French degrees you're ok. If not you hit the invisible glass ceiling after a few years.
Excellent news. I had a meeting yesterday with the head of school, my boss and the union rep after which my timetable was 're- organised' to ' take into account the long distances i commute'. Basically i finish earlier every day.
Unfortunately, the head won't give me any more hours and even advised me to start thinking about either passing the French state educational qualification but earning an even lower salary, or doing something else with my life.
However, can you imagine a school head telling a highly skilled and experienced foreign born teacher (24 years teaching exp and counting) not to bother studying for a 2 year's master's degree followed by a 1 year probationary period, because when qualified at aged 52 i'll still earn less than now!!!!
Teachers in France qualify in their early twenties and very slowly climb the salary scale.
She told me to forget qualifying as a teacher at my age because i'm too old, foreign born and in France people don't change careers when nearly 50!
She advised me to go back to the UK if i wanted to work in an economy that values employees whatever their ages, because in France that's not the case.
As an olive branch she'll allow me to lead the English school trips to New York and Scotland.
Despite all the positives from yesterday's neeting my heart is just not in the job anymore. All the problems, pay cuts, lack of management support, back stabbing colleagues who got pay rises due to personal friendship etc have sucked the enthusiasm out of me.
I hate the daily commute, i feel bitter about how i've been treated even though my students get 100% pass rates every year, but i'm stuck there.
All other English teaching jobs pay less, with short term contracts, and another professional career change is unrealistic here in France.
I don't enjoy living where i am being so close to the ex and the ex family home.
That's why i'm depressed and constantly fighting the urge to confort eat.
I have a wonderful relationship with my two children. My son started at uni in Paris yesterday but my daughter's only 13 and enters year 9 today.
Unfortunately, the head won't give me any more hours and even advised me to start thinking about either passing the French state educational qualification but earning an even lower salary, or doing something else with my life.
However, can you imagine a school head telling a highly skilled and experienced foreign born teacher (24 years teaching exp and counting) not to bother studying for a 2 year's master's degree followed by a 1 year probationary period, because when qualified at aged 52 i'll still earn less than now!!!!
Teachers in France qualify in their early twenties and very slowly climb the salary scale.
She told me to forget qualifying as a teacher at my age because i'm too old, foreign born and in France people don't change careers when nearly 50!
She advised me to go back to the UK if i wanted to work in an economy that values employees whatever their ages, because in France that's not the case.
As an olive branch she'll allow me to lead the English school trips to New York and Scotland.
Despite all the positives from yesterday's neeting my heart is just not in the job anymore. All the problems, pay cuts, lack of management support, back stabbing colleagues who got pay rises due to personal friendship etc have sucked the enthusiasm out of me.
I hate the daily commute, i feel bitter about how i've been treated even though my students get 100% pass rates every year, but i'm stuck there.
All other English teaching jobs pay less, with short term contracts, and another professional career change is unrealistic here in France.
I don't enjoy living where i am being so close to the ex and the ex family home.
That's why i'm depressed and constantly fighting the urge to confort eat.
I have a wonderful relationship with my two children. My son started at uni in Paris yesterday but my daughter's only 13 and enters year 9 today.
Edited by rosbif77 on Thursday 1st September 08:32
It's extremely depressing to do the same stressful daily commute with the knowledge that no matter how much time, effort and hard work i put in, the boss will never give me a raise. In fact it will go to her 'favourites' in the form of more hours.
If i resign then they owe me virtually nothing. If they fire me then they owe me nearly a year's salary.
Therefore they are gradually bit by bit trying to make it so disheartening that i leave myself.
I've applied for other full time posts in the Paris area but each time the school head offers min wage with more teaching hours than my current job. Everywhere employers are using all methods to drive down wages.
Language/business schools in Paris propose min hourly wage teaching posts. There are too many ex pats doing part time EFL teaching so the contracts are poor.
My son as in university digs in Paris but can come home at week-ends if he wants to.
My daughter goes to the private secondary school attatched to the private 6th form where i teach. I drive her there and back every day. I also teach her class history.
Under the terms of the divorce my ex and i each have the kids one week in two. Every Sunday the kids ( now only my daughter) go to stay for the week with the other. I see my daughter more because it's 50/50 custody anyway, and i take her to school every day.
If she didn't go to the private school she'd have to go to the crap local state school, without multi lingual classes as well. Free but not the same quality as in the private school.
The head of the International Section told me bluntly last year,
'you're still here because you can't get a better job elsewhere as an expat in Paris, and your daughter wouldn't get the same education elsewhere. You put up with the pay cuts because you can't do anything about it's.
She told me either leave now or shut up and take thé salary cut!!!!!!
I feel like i'm in a no win situation professionally.
Edited by rosbif77 on Friday 2nd September 16:31
Last week was pretty bleak. My timetable got changed yet again. Mon/Tues start at 8.30 and finish 6.30pm. Weds 8.30 to 1.30, and Thurs/Fri. it's 1.30-5.30.
Problem is my daughter starts at 8.30 every day and she finishes early on Mon/Tues and at 3.30 on Thurs/Fri.
Basically my timetable gotswitched around with 3 other teachers in the 6th form to enable them to start later or go home earlier ( friends of head of English!).
I live the furthest away from the school. I now have the worst timetable.
I've started taking a packed lunch and either eat on my own or eat with the Moroccan born maths teacher ( has a PHD in maths but gets paid less than French born maths colleagues).
Absolutely whacked out every evening i get home. The daily commute is longer due to road widening on the A road ( 2-3 years to turn it into a dual carraigeway). It now takes 90 mins both ways instead of 60.
The ex has gone part time as she's studying for a translation master's. She goes away on mini breaks all the time so i get to see my daughter even more.
My son's started at uni in Paris. He needed loads of books so i bought them for him( the ex refused citing poverty!!!!)
The ex is trying to change the divorce contract ( pay less towards fuel cost/ school fees etc) so i'll have to pay for a lawyer. The ex gets nice fat cheques in the letterbox from her family to cover expenses ( holidays!).
I got turned down for a history master's at the Sorbonne university in Paris. It's by e learning and costs just 500 euros a year!!!
The reason: i was told UK educational qualifications aren't seen as the same standard as French one's!!!!!!
Problem is my daughter starts at 8.30 every day and she finishes early on Mon/Tues and at 3.30 on Thurs/Fri.
Basically my timetable gotswitched around with 3 other teachers in the 6th form to enable them to start later or go home earlier ( friends of head of English!).
I live the furthest away from the school. I now have the worst timetable.
I've started taking a packed lunch and either eat on my own or eat with the Moroccan born maths teacher ( has a PHD in maths but gets paid less than French born maths colleagues).
Absolutely whacked out every evening i get home. The daily commute is longer due to road widening on the A road ( 2-3 years to turn it into a dual carraigeway). It now takes 90 mins both ways instead of 60.
The ex has gone part time as she's studying for a translation master's. She goes away on mini breaks all the time so i get to see my daughter even more.
My son's started at uni in Paris. He needed loads of books so i bought them for him( the ex refused citing poverty!!!!)
The ex is trying to change the divorce contract ( pay less towards fuel cost/ school fees etc) so i'll have to pay for a lawyer. The ex gets nice fat cheques in the letterbox from her family to cover expenses ( holidays!).
I got turned down for a history master's at the Sorbonne university in Paris. It's by e learning and costs just 500 euros a year!!!
The reason: i was told UK educational qualifications aren't seen as the same standard as French one's!!!!!!
It's not the headteacher trying to demoralise me but the head of the International Section.
Of course the headmistress and her were schoolfriends. Both unmarried, no children, and definitely strong believers that a woman has the final say!!!!
The headmistress is petite but drives a huge American 4x4 ( the largest vehicle in the school car park!)
The head of the IS 'hates kids'!( her words) and collects firearms! She also loves beer!!!!
Her boyfriend ( science teacher at same school!) does all the cooking/cleaning in their 6 bed home ( rather large for a couple!!!) and he does flower arranging ( no kidding!!!
In public she talks over him and he rolls over and plays the doormat!!!!!
She's always been jealous of me having brought up two wonderful, intelligent children ( virtually on my own for last 3 years!) and she's never publically praised them for their outstanding school records!!!! When my son passed his baccalauréat last June 3rd in class) and got into a top Paris uni she was the only person who downplayed his achievements!!!!
Rings a bell doesn't it? It's the story of my life. I seem to attract bullying, manipulative, emotionally damaged people who see me as a soft touch. These people seem to be able to smell a weakness a mile of and take advantage!!!
The head of the IS is well aware of my family situation but instead of support and some compassion i get a bloody hard time!!
Unfortunately it's rather complicated to go back to the UK with my daughter for 3 reasons:
- The ex has said she'd fight me tooth and nail ( out of spite) and drag out the legal process supported by generous cheques from her family.
- Secondly my daughter doesn't want to live in England.
-Finally i'd need to get a full time teaching job and get my daughter into a reasonable school nearby. Not easy.
I guess i'm stuck here for another 5 years.
I love my kids and they love me a lot but i feel very bitter that my dad, my ex, my MIL, my boss and others have all used this to manipulate/blackmail/ denigrate me!!!! They've all taken advantage of my situation to try to humiliate/ crush me. I've fought back and defended myself every time but they still keep on trying.
Of course the headmistress and her were schoolfriends. Both unmarried, no children, and definitely strong believers that a woman has the final say!!!!
The headmistress is petite but drives a huge American 4x4 ( the largest vehicle in the school car park!)
The head of the IS 'hates kids'!( her words) and collects firearms! She also loves beer!!!!
Her boyfriend ( science teacher at same school!) does all the cooking/cleaning in their 6 bed home ( rather large for a couple!!!) and he does flower arranging ( no kidding!!!
In public she talks over him and he rolls over and plays the doormat!!!!!
She's always been jealous of me having brought up two wonderful, intelligent children ( virtually on my own for last 3 years!) and she's never publically praised them for their outstanding school records!!!! When my son passed his baccalauréat last June 3rd in class) and got into a top Paris uni she was the only person who downplayed his achievements!!!!
Rings a bell doesn't it? It's the story of my life. I seem to attract bullying, manipulative, emotionally damaged people who see me as a soft touch. These people seem to be able to smell a weakness a mile of and take advantage!!!
The head of the IS is well aware of my family situation but instead of support and some compassion i get a bloody hard time!!
Unfortunately it's rather complicated to go back to the UK with my daughter for 3 reasons:
- The ex has said she'd fight me tooth and nail ( out of spite) and drag out the legal process supported by generous cheques from her family.
- Secondly my daughter doesn't want to live in England.
-Finally i'd need to get a full time teaching job and get my daughter into a reasonable school nearby. Not easy.
I guess i'm stuck here for another 5 years.
I love my kids and they love me a lot but i feel very bitter that my dad, my ex, my MIL, my boss and others have all used this to manipulate/blackmail/ denigrate me!!!! They've all taken advantage of my situation to try to humiliate/ crush me. I've fought back and defended myself every time but they still keep on trying.
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 10th September 12:40
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