Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?
Discussion
ELUSIVEJIM said:
rosbif77 said:
The ex decided to put herself first by breaking up the family for a 'toyboy' 7 years younger.
I put my children first instead of jumping at the first opportunity to start over again elsewhere.
My son's gone of to uni so the only issue concerns my daughter.
The divorce has certainly reinforced our relationship.
I know i'm stuck where i am unless i put my desires before my daughter's. She already has one parent who chose selfishness over the children, so that's the problem.
As a parent as I am sure most of us on here are you have to put your daughters feelings first especially when she is 13 years of age.I put my children first instead of jumping at the first opportunity to start over again elsewhere.
My son's gone of to uni so the only issue concerns my daughter.
The divorce has certainly reinforced our relationship.
I know i'm stuck where i am unless i put my desires before my daughter's. She already has one parent who chose selfishness over the children, so that's the problem.
As you now know that you can't leave at this moment in time you have to look at the position you are in now.
Things have to change to make sure your happiness and health does not suffer.
I have been a huge car fan since being young but actually selling cars and being a fan of cars is totally different.
After looking into this myself the pitfalls are huge.
The money is made buying the car at the right price. Selling it is the easy part. Having a mechanical side and being able to know issues and fix them yourself will save a fortune in garage bills.
Best buying cheap cars say £500-£1,000 and trying it that way if you wanted to give it a go.
Again it is a capital thing.
Any chance of tutoring kids in France but in a different town from where you are?
You have to balance the needs of the 13 year old with the OP's needs.
There is zero benefit to the daughter if OP decides to stay for her sake and is miserable for the rest of his life. No good at all for him and no good at all for the children.
Their needs are important - but they do not absolutely trump your needs. If you need to leave France to salvage what you see as your life, this will have negatives and positives for the children. Changing school, while it may cause some disruption, will not be the be all and end all of her life.
MYOB said:
Do you really think if Rob buggers off back to Blighty on his lonesome and be apart from his kids, he will be happier?!
Surely it depends on what he goes to the UK for. You describe it as 'buggering off on his lonesome'. He can continue to suffer low self esteem and depression in France. I'm not convinced that is in his best interests long term. It isn't as cut and dried as 'do what the 13 year old wants'.
johnfm said:
Surely it depends on what he goes to the UK for. You describe it as 'buggering off on his lonesome'.
He can continue to suffer low self esteem and depression in France. I'm not convinced that is in his best interests long term. It isn't as cut and dried as 'do what the 13 year old wants'.
Hi John,He can continue to suffer low self esteem and depression in France. I'm not convinced that is in his best interests long term. It isn't as cut and dried as 'do what the 13 year old wants'.
Have a read back over what has been written.
Even if Rob wanted to go to the UK his ex and MIL would make sure the chances of him having contact would be slim.
The ex would get full custody and no doubt use this to her advantage.
We have to remember that Rob and his ex have been through a divorce and no doubt things have been said to the children about him. If he just took off this may have a huge impact in the mental well being of his daughter. She is 13 years old which as we know is a difficult age.
I personally have had years of trying to have my daughters voice heard by the authorities and the Courts and finally they have listened to her.
I would not want Rob going to the UK to only land up in a worse position.
Rob could still send his CV out to get a feel for what is out there for him. If he got an offer he could not refuse then he can have a serious think about it then.
Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 4th November 14:15
Hi there. Thanks for those of you who keep posting on this thread. I never expected this topic to run to over 200 posts when i first started it back in August!
Thanks everyone for trying to help me out. I've had more support on PH than in the whole of the past 2 years in France!
Ok, going back to the last post you've hit the nail on the head with your assessment of the situation. The ex and the MIL are just waiting to get their claws into my daughter and turn her against me. I'd be miserable on my own without her in England. I'm going to keep sending out the speculative job applications and see what turns up. It's worth a try even if most schools don't start recruiting until the spring for full time posts. At least they'll have my name/interest on file.
The bottom line is the money issue. My standard of living has gone down in the past 18 months and my savings won't last another 5 years at the current rate. That's why i'm advertising myself as a private tutor on certain specialised websites in the Paris area and put up flyers in key places.
I've bought a pile of self help books to improve my IT skills, bought a MacBook Pro ( to boost myself and force me to learn the stuff), plus i block off 1-2h a night to work on the novel.
Thanks everyone for trying to help me out. I've had more support on PH than in the whole of the past 2 years in France!
Ok, going back to the last post you've hit the nail on the head with your assessment of the situation. The ex and the MIL are just waiting to get their claws into my daughter and turn her against me. I'd be miserable on my own without her in England. I'm going to keep sending out the speculative job applications and see what turns up. It's worth a try even if most schools don't start recruiting until the spring for full time posts. At least they'll have my name/interest on file.
The bottom line is the money issue. My standard of living has gone down in the past 18 months and my savings won't last another 5 years at the current rate. That's why i'm advertising myself as a private tutor on certain specialised websites in the Paris area and put up flyers in key places.
I've bought a pile of self help books to improve my IT skills, bought a MacBook Pro ( to boost myself and force me to learn the stuff), plus i block off 1-2h a night to work on the novel.
ELUSIVEJIM said:
As a parent as I am sure most of us on here are you have to put your daughters feelings first especially when she is 13 years of age.
Actually you don't have to put your daughter's feelings first. I got taken out of my private boarding school when I was 15 because my parents just could't justify the fees, something I raised merry hell about as I couldn't bear the thought of leaving all my friends. I got sent to a 'lesser' state sixth form college nearby. Where, lo and behold, I found a great bunch of mates and had a whale of a time.
Educationally it didn't hurt either, seeing as I got my degree, went straight onto a PhD and am now senior faculty at a top UK university.
Well i do because A.she is top of her class, has loads of friends and the school she would have to go to ( catchment area) is in the bottom 10 schools in the département( county!')
and B, her mum wants full custody if she goes to the local school. If i fight my corner i'm looking at a 12-18 month custody battle under French law. She'd probably then move to be closer to her family!
and B, her mum wants full custody if she goes to the local school. If i fight my corner i'm looking at a 12-18 month custody battle under French law. She'd probably then move to be closer to her family!
rosbif77 said:
Well i do because A.she is top of her class, has loads of friends and the school she would have to go to ( catchment area) is in the bottom 10 schools in the département( county!')
and B, her mum wants full custody if she goes to the local school. If i fight my corner i'm looking at a 12-18 month custody battle under French law. She'd probably then move to be closer to her family!
Well then you've answered your own fand B, her mum wants full custody if she goes to the local school. If i fight my corner i'm looking at a 12-18 month custody battle under French law. She'd probably then move to be closer to her family!
king question haven't you? Your mind is, to all intents and purposes, made up. So stop misleading yourself with 'options' when they are nothing of the sort. Just focus on how you're going to get through the next five years in that job without going mad.Joey Ramone said:
rosbif77 said:
Well i do because A.she is top of her class, has loads of friends and the school she would have to go to ( catchment area) is in the bottom 10 schools in the département( county!')
and B, her mum wants full custody if she goes to the local school. If i fight my corner i'm looking at a 12-18 month custody battle under French law. She'd probably then move to be closer to her family!
Well then you've answered your own fand B, her mum wants full custody if she goes to the local school. If i fight my corner i'm looking at a 12-18 month custody battle under French law. She'd probably then move to be closer to her family!
king question haven't you? Your mind is, to all intents and purposes, made up. So stop misleading yourself with 'options' when they are nothing of the sort. Just focus on how you're going to get through the next five years in that job without going mad.k on with it. We are all here on PH to support you. If you want to do the Le mans thing, I am sure there will be a load of us to join you, now that we have a place to stay!I'm currently of work on doctor's orders. The cause? Three weeks ago my dad died. He'd actually phoned me for the first time in ages on the Friday night and started to talk about his childhood, mine and how happy he'd been since he met my step mum.
On the following Sunday i'd planned to phone him back and get everything off my chest about our relationship. I didn't because an old university friend called me out of the blue.
Sunday night i went to bed about 11pm and was woken at 12.30am by a call on my mobile phone which i thought was my dad, but in fact was my step mum's brother announcing the sad news that my dad had just died from a suspected massive heart attack in his house. My step mum had heard him go to the bathroom and then he'd collapsed.
The coroner's report stated that he hadn't suffered at all.
The last 3 weeks have been hell. Terrible regrets that i didn't call my dad back on the Sunday afternoon the day he died.
Secondly, after taking the Monday off work and informing the school where i work why, my boss called me in to meeting the next day to tell me from September 2017 my teaching hours will be reduced again and consequently my salary will go down.
Two of my work colleagues who replaced my lessons very clumisly informed my students the reasons why i was absent, right down to the most private details ( place/cause of my dad's death). My boss had told them!
One teacher even gave out to one of my sixth form classes my personal email address and told them that i wanted them to send me (for homework) personalised condoleance cards written off course in English!!!)). The same teacher then claimed, in front of the head of year, that i'd asked her to do this. She repeatedly refused to apologise for the distress this caused me and even sent a mail to colleagues moaning about my sensé of humour!!!!
In fact my students have shown incredible compassion and none actually sent me the card. They bought a card and all wrote wonderful messages of support. Parents have also offered their condoleances. Numerous parents have given me cards and one even gave me a hug!!!
Then last week the ex announced via her lawyer she wasn't going to share the kid's educational costs anymore. She has to according to the divorce contract so another court battle is looming.She also wants full custody!
The French MIL did send me some text messages in which she sent her condoleances but not appologising for her previous behaviour towards me.
At school my work colleagues blabbed all sorts of rumours about my relationship with my dad, one even told another of my groups that my dad had died from worry and stress caused by my behaviour, someone else spread a rumour that my dad took his own life etc.
The headmistress hasn't even bothered to ask me how i am, although others in the sixth form have. She ignores me and the boss has also dumped extra exam marking on me from my colleagues who replaced me.
Finally, my boss refuses to give me no more than 3 days leave to go up to Newcastle to my dad's funeral which is in a week's time. Under French law i'm allowed a maximum of 3 days in France plus 2 more to go abroard. The union rep at school had to tell her of thé conséquences if she sacked me if i took more than 3 days leave. The head of English is threatening to sack me if i take 5 days off to go to England.
The plane tickets for myself and my two children are too expensive so i'll drive up to Newcastle and back.
By last Wednesday i'd had enough and went to see my GP'. She's given me some sleeping pills and put me off work for a week.
I
On the following Sunday i'd planned to phone him back and get everything off my chest about our relationship. I didn't because an old university friend called me out of the blue.
Sunday night i went to bed about 11pm and was woken at 12.30am by a call on my mobile phone which i thought was my dad, but in fact was my step mum's brother announcing the sad news that my dad had just died from a suspected massive heart attack in his house. My step mum had heard him go to the bathroom and then he'd collapsed.
The coroner's report stated that he hadn't suffered at all.
The last 3 weeks have been hell. Terrible regrets that i didn't call my dad back on the Sunday afternoon the day he died.
Secondly, after taking the Monday off work and informing the school where i work why, my boss called me in to meeting the next day to tell me from September 2017 my teaching hours will be reduced again and consequently my salary will go down.
Two of my work colleagues who replaced my lessons very clumisly informed my students the reasons why i was absent, right down to the most private details ( place/cause of my dad's death). My boss had told them!
One teacher even gave out to one of my sixth form classes my personal email address and told them that i wanted them to send me (for homework) personalised condoleance cards written off course in English!!!)). The same teacher then claimed, in front of the head of year, that i'd asked her to do this. She repeatedly refused to apologise for the distress this caused me and even sent a mail to colleagues moaning about my sensé of humour!!!!
In fact my students have shown incredible compassion and none actually sent me the card. They bought a card and all wrote wonderful messages of support. Parents have also offered their condoleances. Numerous parents have given me cards and one even gave me a hug!!!
Then last week the ex announced via her lawyer she wasn't going to share the kid's educational costs anymore. She has to according to the divorce contract so another court battle is looming.She also wants full custody!
The French MIL did send me some text messages in which she sent her condoleances but not appologising for her previous behaviour towards me.
At school my work colleagues blabbed all sorts of rumours about my relationship with my dad, one even told another of my groups that my dad had died from worry and stress caused by my behaviour, someone else spread a rumour that my dad took his own life etc.
The headmistress hasn't even bothered to ask me how i am, although others in the sixth form have. She ignores me and the boss has also dumped extra exam marking on me from my colleagues who replaced me.
Finally, my boss refuses to give me no more than 3 days leave to go up to Newcastle to my dad's funeral which is in a week's time. Under French law i'm allowed a maximum of 3 days in France plus 2 more to go abroard. The union rep at school had to tell her of thé conséquences if she sacked me if i took more than 3 days leave. The head of English is threatening to sack me if i take 5 days off to go to England.
The plane tickets for myself and my two children are too expensive so i'll drive up to Newcastle and back.
By last Wednesday i'd had enough and went to see my GP'. She's given me some sleeping pills and put me off work for a week.
I
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 27th November 08:13
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 27th November 08:49
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 27th November 13:55
[quote=rosbif77]I'm currently of work on doctor's orders. The cause? Three weeks ago my dad died. He'd actually phoned me for the first time in ages on the Friday night and started to talk about his childhood, mine and how happy he'd been since he met my step mum.
On the following Sunday i'd planned to phone him back and get everything off my chest about our relationship. I didn't because an old university friend called me out of the blue.
Sunday night i went to bed about 11pm and was woken at 12.30am by a call on my mobile phone which i thought was my dad, but in fact was my step mum's brother announcing the sad news that my dad had just died from a suspected massive heart attack in his house. My step mum had heard him go to the bathroom and then he'd collapsed.
The coroner's report stated that he hadn't suffered at all.
The last 3 weeks have been hell. Terrible regrets that i didn't call my dad back on the Sunday afternoon the day he died.
Secondly, after taking the Monday off work and informing the school where i work why, my boss called me in to meeting the next day to tell me from September 2017 my teaching hours will be reduced again and consequently my salary will go down.
Two of my work colleagues who replaced my lessons very clumisly informed my students the reasons why i was absent, right down to the most private details ( place/cause of my dad's death). My boss had told them!
One teacher even gave out to one of my sixth form classes my personal email address and told them that i wanted them to send me (for homework) personalised condoleance cards written off course in English!!!)). The same teacher then claimed, in front of the head of year, that i'd asked her to do this. She repeatedly refused to apologise for the distress this caused me and even sent a mail to colleagues moaning about my sensé of humour!!!!
In fact my students have shown incredible compassion and none actually sent me the card. They bought a card and all wrote wonderful messages of support. Parents have also offered their condoleances. Numerous parents have given me cards and one even gave me a hug!!!
Then last week the ex announced via her lawyer she wasn't going to share the kid's educational costs anymore. She has to according to the divorce contract so another court battle is looming.She also wants full custody!
The French MIL did send me some text messages in which she sent her condoleances but not appologising for her previous behaviour towards me.
At school my work colleagues blabbed all sorts of rumours about my relationship with my dad, one even told another of my groups that my dad had died from worry and stress caused by my behaviour, someone else spread a rumour that my dad took his own life etc.
The headmistress hasn't even bothered to ask me how i am, although others in the sixth form have. She ignores me and the boss has also dumped extra exam marking on me from my colleagues who replaced me.
Finally, my boss refuses to give me no more than 3 days leave to go up to Newcastle to my dad's funeral which is in a week's time. Under French law i'm allowed a maximum of 3 days in France plus 2 more to go abroard. The union rep at school had to tell her of thé conséquences if she sacked me if i took more than 3 days leave. The head of English is threatening to sack me if i take 5 days off to go to England.
The plane tickets for myself and my two children are too expensive so i'll drive up to Newcastle and back.
By last Wednesday i'd had enough and went to see my GP'. She's given me some sleeping pills and put me off work for a week.
I
I am very sorry for your loss mate. It must have been a terrible shock. But do not blame yourself for not calling him back. This was totally unexpected and you had no idea it was going to happen. Before it was that sudden he would have known nothing either. Take peace from that knowledge.
You do however have to remember that your father was the main reason you have so many issues. He was extremely nasty to you in so many ways. Stating the things he did to you made your life hell. I hope now you get closure knowing he is not there to hurt you anymore.
Might sound cruel at this point but has he left you any money? If so it could be a way forward from the other situations in your life.
The school again are unbelievable. It is a form of bullying and no one seems to be willing to tackle it. But a positive is have the students have been towards you. This again shows how much they value you even though the school does not.
The ex has no control over your son as he can chose where he wants to live. Regarding your daughter she also can state where she want to reside. I personally feel she has done this so you state to her just leave the payments. I doubt she will actually go to court and this is a nasty test. If she does then not willing to pay for her kids does not show her in good light.
Regarding the MIL send her back a message saying thank you for the message. Very much appreciated. Hope you are doing well. This will throw her totally and shows you are the bigger man, If you have replied already then fine.
Honestly things are going to improve for you. It might not seem it at this moment in time but one extremely negative and nasty issue is now out of your life. Yes he was your father in blood and his death is very tragic but he was never a father in any other aspect.
Your life is better without that type of person in your life even if at this raw stage it does not feel that way.
Take the time off work and stop blaming yourself for things which were out of your control.
On the following Sunday i'd planned to phone him back and get everything off my chest about our relationship. I didn't because an old university friend called me out of the blue.
Sunday night i went to bed about 11pm and was woken at 12.30am by a call on my mobile phone which i thought was my dad, but in fact was my step mum's brother announcing the sad news that my dad had just died from a suspected massive heart attack in his house. My step mum had heard him go to the bathroom and then he'd collapsed.
The coroner's report stated that he hadn't suffered at all.
The last 3 weeks have been hell. Terrible regrets that i didn't call my dad back on the Sunday afternoon the day he died.
Secondly, after taking the Monday off work and informing the school where i work why, my boss called me in to meeting the next day to tell me from September 2017 my teaching hours will be reduced again and consequently my salary will go down.
Two of my work colleagues who replaced my lessons very clumisly informed my students the reasons why i was absent, right down to the most private details ( place/cause of my dad's death). My boss had told them!
One teacher even gave out to one of my sixth form classes my personal email address and told them that i wanted them to send me (for homework) personalised condoleance cards written off course in English!!!)). The same teacher then claimed, in front of the head of year, that i'd asked her to do this. She repeatedly refused to apologise for the distress this caused me and even sent a mail to colleagues moaning about my sensé of humour!!!!
In fact my students have shown incredible compassion and none actually sent me the card. They bought a card and all wrote wonderful messages of support. Parents have also offered their condoleances. Numerous parents have given me cards and one even gave me a hug!!!
Then last week the ex announced via her lawyer she wasn't going to share the kid's educational costs anymore. She has to according to the divorce contract so another court battle is looming.She also wants full custody!
The French MIL did send me some text messages in which she sent her condoleances but not appologising for her previous behaviour towards me.
At school my work colleagues blabbed all sorts of rumours about my relationship with my dad, one even told another of my groups that my dad had died from worry and stress caused by my behaviour, someone else spread a rumour that my dad took his own life etc.
The headmistress hasn't even bothered to ask me how i am, although others in the sixth form have. She ignores me and the boss has also dumped extra exam marking on me from my colleagues who replaced me.
Finally, my boss refuses to give me no more than 3 days leave to go up to Newcastle to my dad's funeral which is in a week's time. Under French law i'm allowed a maximum of 3 days in France plus 2 more to go abroard. The union rep at school had to tell her of thé conséquences if she sacked me if i took more than 3 days leave. The head of English is threatening to sack me if i take 5 days off to go to England.
The plane tickets for myself and my two children are too expensive so i'll drive up to Newcastle and back.
By last Wednesday i'd had enough and went to see my GP'. She's given me some sleeping pills and put me off work for a week.
I
I am very sorry for your loss mate. It must have been a terrible shock. But do not blame yourself for not calling him back. This was totally unexpected and you had no idea it was going to happen. Before it was that sudden he would have known nothing either. Take peace from that knowledge.
You do however have to remember that your father was the main reason you have so many issues. He was extremely nasty to you in so many ways. Stating the things he did to you made your life hell. I hope now you get closure knowing he is not there to hurt you anymore.
Might sound cruel at this point but has he left you any money? If so it could be a way forward from the other situations in your life.
The school again are unbelievable. It is a form of bullying and no one seems to be willing to tackle it. But a positive is have the students have been towards you. This again shows how much they value you even though the school does not.
The ex has no control over your son as he can chose where he wants to live. Regarding your daughter she also can state where she want to reside. I personally feel she has done this so you state to her just leave the payments. I doubt she will actually go to court and this is a nasty test. If she does then not willing to pay for her kids does not show her in good light.
Regarding the MIL send her back a message saying thank you for the message. Very much appreciated. Hope you are doing well. This will throw her totally and shows you are the bigger man, If you have replied already then fine.
Honestly things are going to improve for you. It might not seem it at this moment in time but one extremely negative and nasty issue is now out of your life. Yes he was your father in blood and his death is very tragic but he was never a father in any other aspect.
Your life is better without that type of person in your life even if at this raw stage it does not feel that way.
Take the time off work and stop blaming yourself for things which were out of your control.
Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 27th November 21:46
Thanks for the support ELUSIVEJIM. It's something i'm lacking over here!
My dad's death has left me with mixed feelings. Firstly, a terrible sadness that i've now lost my other parent but at the same time it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders! Freedom at last.
Even now i hate myself for having negative thoughts and wondering why i'm so damned unlucky. i know i'm not ( my 2 children) but building up my self esteem takes time.
I'm left with a feeling of solitude, an emptiness that i dont know how to fill. i know i need to get out of my confort zone and get out there and take control of my life, but my life is just the commute, the endless lessons, the marking, marking and more marking, then another commute to get home to an empty flat!!! Thats no life! I know i should MTFU. Loads of PH's have said it. The missing thing is CONFIDENCE. Mine is shot to pieces.
It's like one day i'm up and full of energy with big projects and the adrenaline's pumping, and the next i'm feeling down, sense of hopelessness and asking myself why should i bother!
I've put up a noticeboard with the following phrases in bold letters:
' IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN'
'IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK BUILD A DOOR'.
'BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART'.
'DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY'.
'A BAD DAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A BAD LIFE'.
I make sure i read them every morning and evening to remind myself. It's a lot cheaper than spending a fortune on therapy!
I adore my cat ( who i insisted on taking from the ex who wasn't looking after him). He's been the family cat for the past 13 years but since the ex has taken the house she hasn't bothered with him. I was the only person in the house who he allowed to feed him, carry him and who he enjoying sitting on!!!! He cheers me up and has a habit of knowing when i'm feeling down.
My dad's death has left me with mixed feelings. Firstly, a terrible sadness that i've now lost my other parent but at the same time it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders! Freedom at last.
Even now i hate myself for having negative thoughts and wondering why i'm so damned unlucky. i know i'm not ( my 2 children) but building up my self esteem takes time.
I'm left with a feeling of solitude, an emptiness that i dont know how to fill. i know i need to get out of my confort zone and get out there and take control of my life, but my life is just the commute, the endless lessons, the marking, marking and more marking, then another commute to get home to an empty flat!!! Thats no life! I know i should MTFU. Loads of PH's have said it. The missing thing is CONFIDENCE. Mine is shot to pieces.
It's like one day i'm up and full of energy with big projects and the adrenaline's pumping, and the next i'm feeling down, sense of hopelessness and asking myself why should i bother!
I've put up a noticeboard with the following phrases in bold letters:
' IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN'
'IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK BUILD A DOOR'.
'BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART'.
'DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY'.
'A BAD DAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A BAD LIFE'.
I make sure i read them every morning and evening to remind myself. It's a lot cheaper than spending a fortune on therapy!
I adore my cat ( who i insisted on taking from the ex who wasn't looking after him). He's been the family cat for the past 13 years but since the ex has taken the house she hasn't bothered with him. I was the only person in the house who he allowed to feed him, carry him and who he enjoying sitting on!!!! He cheers me up and has a habit of knowing when i'm feeling down.
rosbif77 said:
Thanks for the support ELUSIVEJIM. It's something i'm lacking over here!
My dad's death has left me with mixed feelings. Firstly, a terrible sadness that i've now lost my other parent but at the same time it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders! Freedom at last.
Even now i hate myself for having negative thoughts and wondering why i'm so damned unlucky. i know i'm not ( my 2 children) but building up my self esteem takes time.
I'm left with a feeling of solitude, an emptiness that i dont know how to fill. i know i need to get out of my confort zone and get out there and take control of my life, but my life is just the commute, the endless lessons, the marking, marking and more marking, then another commute to get home to an empty flat!!! Thats no life! I know i should MTFU. Loads of PH's have said it. The missing thing is CONFIDENCE. Mine is shot to pieces.
It's like one day i'm up and full of energy with big projects and the adrenaline's pumping, and the next i'm feeling down, sense of hopelessness and asking myself why should i bother!
I've put up a noticeboard with the following phrases in bold letters:
' IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN'
'IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK BUILD A DOOR'.
'BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART'.
'DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY'.
'A BAD DAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A BAD LIFE'.
I make sure i read them every morning and evening to remind myself. It's a lot cheaper than spending a fortune on therapy!
I adore my cat ( who i insisted on taking from the ex who wasn't looking after him). He's been the family cat for the past 13 years but since the ex has taken the house she hasn't bothered with him. I was the only person in the house who he allowed to feed him, carry him and who he enjoying sitting on!!!! He cheers me up and has a habit of knowing when i'm feeling down.
As you have said losing another parent is very hard. Your mum was very special to you so no doubt the feelings of your father passing has brought up memories of your mum again.My dad's death has left me with mixed feelings. Firstly, a terrible sadness that i've now lost my other parent but at the same time it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders! Freedom at last.
Even now i hate myself for having negative thoughts and wondering why i'm so damned unlucky. i know i'm not ( my 2 children) but building up my self esteem takes time.
I'm left with a feeling of solitude, an emptiness that i dont know how to fill. i know i need to get out of my confort zone and get out there and take control of my life, but my life is just the commute, the endless lessons, the marking, marking and more marking, then another commute to get home to an empty flat!!! Thats no life! I know i should MTFU. Loads of PH's have said it. The missing thing is CONFIDENCE. Mine is shot to pieces.
It's like one day i'm up and full of energy with big projects and the adrenaline's pumping, and the next i'm feeling down, sense of hopelessness and asking myself why should i bother!
I've put up a noticeboard with the following phrases in bold letters:
' IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN'
'IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK BUILD A DOOR'.
'BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART'.
'DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY'.
'A BAD DAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A BAD LIFE'.
I make sure i read them every morning and evening to remind myself. It's a lot cheaper than spending a fortune on therapy!
I adore my cat ( who i insisted on taking from the ex who wasn't looking after him). He's been the family cat for the past 13 years but since the ex has taken the house she hasn't bothered with him. I was the only person in the house who he allowed to feed him, carry him and who he enjoying sitting on!!!! He cheers me up and has a habit of knowing when i'm feeling down.
Just do not be too hard on yourself. If you need to cry about your father then do so. No one will judge you. You have had so much emotional times with him that it is a release to actually get upset about it. Just make sure you take this time off work to relax and not answer to anyone.
You have been very unlucky or even very unloved since you mum passed away. Things just keep coming at you and beating you down again. But writing the words on the board is a huge first step. You just need to now make sure you believe them. This takes confidence.
You attract what you feel. When you feel terrible and depressed you get more of the same. This totally sucks but if you can fight the negativity you will be amazed how fast you can turn your life around.
You just have to believe in yourself which is hard when you feel down.
The words you wrote down does show you are paying attention to your desires. These are near perfect words so give yourself a pat on the back. Just make sure you read them daily as your brain needs to be reset.
Animals are amazing. They just know when to comfort you and when you are feeling down. It is total unconditional love. It is a shame more humans were not like animals.
You might not think it but your life is starting to turn. You are going to get through this and you will come out the other side with a smile on your face.
If you would write on that same board universe get me out of the work situation and into a better paying and happy workplace. I know this sounds a bit strange but it will work. Make sure you read this daily too.
Please keep us up to date regarding the next few weeks. I know you have a lot on and it will be hard to stay positive but if you do your life will turn very quickly.
Again I am very sorry for your news.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 28th November 22:22
Hi ELUSIVEJIM. I 'm finally getting round to posting on here again after going back to England for my dad's funeral. I took my children and i drove all the way ( just over 2200km there and back in 5. days).
Very moving, loads of stress and a chance to take a whole load of weight of my mind.
There was of course the reading of the will and no surprises there. My sister gets 2 BTL houses +£300000,the step mum the house + all my dad's shares in FT 100, and the other 5 properties go to 3 of my step mum's nieces plus the 2 most valuable properties go to my ex !!!
Yep, you've read it right. My dad left a £385000 house and a Tyne riverside appartment worth another £200000 to the woman who left me and fked up my life !!!! That's one hell of an inheritance from her ex father in law.
I had to sit there and listen as the solicitor read out the testement in which my ex was praised for her sense of family values and how much my dad had cared about her.
My sister was praised for being strong in the face of adversity ( she went through a bad divorce), and I finally got a mention at the end ( almost as an afterthought) in which my dad spoke about having lovingly looking after me and encouraging me to stand on my own two feet. According to the text which was read out my dad felt that it wasn't necessary for me to inherit anything from his will since life is not just about money but being honest, kind and loving!!!!
The will contained a shock. The ex French MIL receives 3 sports cars my dad had bought as investments years ago ( Jaguar,Lancia Delta, Porsche turbo). My MIL hates cars by the way!!!
The ex 's new boyfriend also got something: all my dad's stamp album collection dating back to the 1950's.
I get a big fat zero!!
By the way, my sister didn't even stay for the reception and even left without saying bye to me or my children !!!!
Very moving, loads of stress and a chance to take a whole load of weight of my mind.
There was of course the reading of the will and no surprises there. My sister gets 2 BTL houses +£300000,the step mum the house + all my dad's shares in FT 100, and the other 5 properties go to 3 of my step mum's nieces plus the 2 most valuable properties go to my ex !!!
Yep, you've read it right. My dad left a £385000 house and a Tyne riverside appartment worth another £200000 to the woman who left me and f
ked up my life !!!! That's one hell of an inheritance from her ex father in law.I had to sit there and listen as the solicitor read out the testement in which my ex was praised for her sense of family values and how much my dad had cared about her.
My sister was praised for being strong in the face of adversity ( she went through a bad divorce), and I finally got a mention at the end ( almost as an afterthought) in which my dad spoke about having lovingly looking after me and encouraging me to stand on my own two feet. According to the text which was read out my dad felt that it wasn't necessary for me to inherit anything from his will since life is not just about money but being honest, kind and loving!!!!
The will contained a shock. The ex French MIL receives 3 sports cars my dad had bought as investments years ago ( Jaguar,Lancia Delta, Porsche turbo). My MIL hates cars by the way!!!
The ex 's new boyfriend also got something: all my dad's stamp album collection dating back to the 1950's.
I get a big fat zero!!
By the way, my sister didn't even stay for the reception and even left without saying bye to me or my children !!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 08:18
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 08:23
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 08:45
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 11:02
Do you reckon i 've grounds for contesting the will?
The will was changed last year after I got divorced, and was legally binding with 2 doctors stating that my dad was mentally and physically sound and a clause had been inserted ( on my dad's behalf) stating that my dad wasn't under any external pressure to change the previous will.
Hé wanted my ex to inherit my share.
I suppose it's normal that my sister gets a load of cash +2 properties ( to add to the other 2 my dad helped pay for a few years ago!),but has anyone on here heard about /experienced the ex receiving an inheritance from the in laws instead of the son /daughter ?
Any advice on what to do ? It's pretty galling that the French MIL got the cars. Nobody knew about these investments until last Monday.
The 3 cars are : an e type Jaguar (1964), a Lancia Delta evo (1992) and a Porsche 911 turbo (993).
There are also brochures /posters etc. The MIL gets them too.
No idea what she's going to do with them since no one (except my step mum) knew my dad had bought them years ago. The step mum already owns 8 BTL's, art etc and is very well off in her own right financially so she doesn't care about if the ex French MIL gets them.
The will was changed last year after I got divorced, and was legally binding with 2 doctors stating that my dad was mentally and physically sound and a clause had been inserted ( on my dad's behalf) stating that my dad wasn't under any external pressure to change the previous will.
Hé wanted my ex to inherit my share.
I suppose it's normal that my sister gets a load of cash +2 properties ( to add to the other 2 my dad helped pay for a few years ago!),but has anyone on here heard about /experienced the ex receiving an inheritance from the in laws instead of the son /daughter ?
Any advice on what to do ? It's pretty galling that the French MIL got the cars. Nobody knew about these investments until last Monday.
The 3 cars are : an e type Jaguar (1964), a Lancia Delta evo (1992) and a Porsche 911 turbo (993).
There are also brochures /posters etc. The MIL gets them too.
No idea what she's going to do with them since no one (except my step mum) knew my dad had bought them years ago. The step mum already owns 8 BTL's, art etc and is very well off in her own right financially so she doesn't care about if the ex French MIL gets them.
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 09:43
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 11:24
At the moment I just feel like the world has come crashing down on my head again !!! Everytime i start to gain a bit more self confidence something always comes along to bugger it up !!!
I'm so bitter and angry that once more someone has chosen to kick me when i'm down!
How much more bad luck am I going to get before things turn for me ?
Why of all people does the inheritance have to go to the ex, and gifting the secret stash of cars to the MIL is just rubbing salt into the wound.
When i heard the lines read out whereby the ex and the MIL get my share i thought ' you've got to be fking joking. He can't be serious.! In fact it looks like the joke's on me!
What had I done to deserve that ?
The sister gets another two houses to add to her already very considerable mini property empire, plus a huge amount of cash to further cushion her extremely comfortable existence !!!
She'd already been able to previously buy two BTL's with my dad's help and now she gets another two gifted on a plate !!!
She didn't even bother to stand up for me. She left suddenly and went back to her gilded daily life !
I 'm struggling along trying to make ends meet and have to endure being lectured about standing on my own two feet whilst my share gets given to the very people who, A messed up my life, and B already have more than enough to get by on.
Where's the justice and fairness in all that ???
My share of the inheritance would have given me the chance to considerably improve my life. Leave the school where I work, buy my own place and put away money for my kids. Maybe even come back to England without worrying about starting from scratch again.
The step mum can't help since they'd already split everything and her side of the family will get to inherit from her.
I'm so shellshocked that I just don't want to do anything. I haven't eaten a decent meal since the middle of last week, I can't concentrate, my sleep 's all over the place I can't wait for thé Christmas school holidays to start Friday evening.
I seriously thought that my dad would finally make it up to me and give me the chance to lead a better life through the inheritance. After all outside of winning the lottery the only real occasion most people have of coming into serious money is through inheritance.
I'm so bitter and angry that once more someone has chosen to kick me when i'm down!
How much more bad luck am I going to get before things turn for me ?
Why of all people does the inheritance have to go to the ex, and gifting the secret stash of cars to the MIL is just rubbing salt into the wound.
When i heard the lines read out whereby the ex and the MIL get my share i thought ' you've got to be f
king joking. He can't be serious.! In fact it looks like the joke's on me!What had I done to deserve that ?
The sister gets another two houses to add to her already very considerable mini property empire, plus a huge amount of cash to further cushion her extremely comfortable existence !!!
She'd already been able to previously buy two BTL's with my dad's help and now she gets another two gifted on a plate !!!
She didn't even bother to stand up for me. She left suddenly and went back to her gilded daily life !
I 'm struggling along trying to make ends meet and have to endure being lectured about standing on my own two feet whilst my share gets given to the very people who, A messed up my life, and B already have more than enough to get by on.
Where's the justice and fairness in all that ???
My share of the inheritance would have given me the chance to considerably improve my life. Leave the school where I work, buy my own place and put away money for my kids. Maybe even come back to England without worrying about starting from scratch again.
The step mum can't help since they'd already split everything and her side of the family will get to inherit from her.
I'm so shellshocked that I just don't want to do anything. I haven't eaten a decent meal since the middle of last week, I can't concentrate, my sleep 's all over the place I can't wait for thé Christmas school holidays to start Friday evening.
I seriously thought that my dad would finally make it up to me and give me the chance to lead a better life through the inheritance. After all outside of winning the lottery the only real occasion most people have of coming into serious money is through inheritance.
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 12th December 18:56
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 12th December 19:11
Weird situation, I think if that happened with me and my brother I would have to at least let him have something.
Inheritance is always a wildcard, nothing is guaranteed, a guy at work died unexpectedly, his ex wife got the lot despite them hating each other, her having had an affair, he hadnt made a will and she got half a million quid or more drop in her lap.
Inheritance is always a wildcard, nothing is guaranteed, a guy at work died unexpectedly, his ex wife got the lot despite them hating each other, her having had an affair, he hadnt made a will and she got half a million quid or more drop in her lap.
I disagree. In France,like most European countries, you can't disinherit your children.
It was the only way i could've financially escaped from my current situation.
I'm completely demoralised and lacking energy. I just feel like a zombie sleepwalking through the day !
The only bright points are seeing my daughter and the look on my student's faces at the end of the lesson. I can't even face preparing Christmas.
What's the point ?
The ex has already told my daughter she's planning several exotic and very expensive holidays next year, she's going to buy not one but two sports cars as well as a holiday home.
It was the only way i could've financially escaped from my current situation.
I'm completely demoralised and lacking energy. I just feel like a zombie sleepwalking through the day !
The only bright points are seeing my daughter and the look on my student's faces at the end of the lesson. I can't even face preparing Christmas.
What's the point ?
The ex has already told my daughter she's planning several exotic and very expensive holidays next year, she's going to buy not one but two sports cars as well as a holiday home.
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