Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?
Discussion
Your father in death is as horrible as he was in life.
I have read the following as I am sure you must be able to contest a will when it is this obscenely unfair.
It looks like you need to go and get some advice but from a UK lawyer.
BTW try and make any accounts you have very low so that you can get Legal Aid. This will help your costs as you will not need to pay.
For your father to leave your ex and the MIL such huge amounts and also the ex's partner is just unbelievable. This surely must be contested.
If you contact a Solicitor you HAVE to state the mental torture and terrible life you had under your father and how he was horrible to you. Did he ever write to you stating you were a mistake or was that across the phone? When was the will made out? Any proof you have of his treatment of you "if you have any" would be fantastic.
You will need to jump on this now before the estate is divided up so the court can have it suspended.
Found the following on this site.
Just one of many out there but try and get someone who does legal aid and also is a specialist in these matters.
BTW THE PROOF HE GAVE YOU NO SUPPORT AND HELP "AS HE STATES HE DID" IS THAT HE HAS TAKEN THE SIDE OF YOUR EX AND MIL AND THE EX'S NEW PARTNER AHEAD OF YOU. ALSO YOUR SISTER HAS SO MUCH MONEY COMPARED TO YOU THIS ALSO SHOWS HE HAS NO CARE. BY GETTING LEGAL AID THIS WILL PROVE THIS FACT. SORRY FOR THE CAPITALS HERE BUT WANTED THIS HIGHLIGHTED.
http://www.harrison-drury.com/wills-and-probate-up...
Question. I am an adult child and my last surviving parent has died leaving me nothing in the will. I am self-sufficient. Am I able to make a claim?
Although each case turns on its own facts, being self-sufficient may not of itself prevent you from making a claim. The court will want to consider many factors including the conduct of your parents towards you and others in their lifetime. The court will also wish to consider the financial circumstances of all of the parties to the claim – that is yourself and the beneficiaries. Other matters taken into account include the size of the estate. The position is somewhat different for disabled adult children.
Question. What orders can a court make?
The court has freedom to divide the estate as it sees fit. It has power to order that any assets previously belonging to a deceased, but which do not fall into the estate, can in certain circumstances be brought back into the estate in order to satisfy a 1975 Act claim. Lump sum payments, regular payments of maintenance, the transfer of property, the creation of a life interest in a house or in cash; these are but a few of the many options available to a court.
I have read the following as I am sure you must be able to contest a will when it is this obscenely unfair.
It looks like you need to go and get some advice but from a UK lawyer.
BTW try and make any accounts you have very low so that you can get Legal Aid. This will help your costs as you will not need to pay.
For your father to leave your ex and the MIL such huge amounts and also the ex's partner is just unbelievable. This surely must be contested.
If you contact a Solicitor you HAVE to state the mental torture and terrible life you had under your father and how he was horrible to you. Did he ever write to you stating you were a mistake or was that across the phone? When was the will made out? Any proof you have of his treatment of you "if you have any" would be fantastic.
You will need to jump on this now before the estate is divided up so the court can have it suspended.
Found the following on this site.
Just one of many out there but try and get someone who does legal aid and also is a specialist in these matters.
BTW THE PROOF HE GAVE YOU NO SUPPORT AND HELP "AS HE STATES HE DID" IS THAT HE HAS TAKEN THE SIDE OF YOUR EX AND MIL AND THE EX'S NEW PARTNER AHEAD OF YOU. ALSO YOUR SISTER HAS SO MUCH MONEY COMPARED TO YOU THIS ALSO SHOWS HE HAS NO CARE. BY GETTING LEGAL AID THIS WILL PROVE THIS FACT. SORRY FOR THE CAPITALS HERE BUT WANTED THIS HIGHLIGHTED.
http://www.harrison-drury.com/wills-and-probate-up...
Question. I am an adult child and my last surviving parent has died leaving me nothing in the will. I am self-sufficient. Am I able to make a claim?
Although each case turns on its own facts, being self-sufficient may not of itself prevent you from making a claim. The court will want to consider many factors including the conduct of your parents towards you and others in their lifetime. The court will also wish to consider the financial circumstances of all of the parties to the claim – that is yourself and the beneficiaries. Other matters taken into account include the size of the estate. The position is somewhat different for disabled adult children.
Question. What orders can a court make?
The court has freedom to divide the estate as it sees fit. It has power to order that any assets previously belonging to a deceased, but which do not fall into the estate, can in certain circumstances be brought back into the estate in order to satisfy a 1975 Act claim. Lump sum payments, regular payments of maintenance, the transfer of property, the creation of a life interest in a house or in cash; these are but a few of the many options available to a court.
Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 16th December 00:07
Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 16th December 00:11
[quote=rosbif77]Do you reckon i 've grounds for contesting the will?
The will was changed last year after I got divorced, and was legally binding with 2 doctors stating that my dad was mentally and physically sound and a clause had been inserted ( on my dad's behalf) stating that my dad wasn't under any external pressure to change the previous will.
Hé wanted my ex to inherit my share.
I suppose it's normal that my sister gets a load of cash +2 properties ( to add to the other 2 my dad helped pay for a few years ago!),but has anyone on here heard about /experienced the ex receiving an inheritance from the in laws instead of the son /daughter ?
Any advice on what to do ? It's pretty galling that the French MIL got the cars. Nobody knew about these investments until last Monday.
The 3 cars are : an e type Jaguar (1964), a Lancia Delta evo (1992) and a Porsche 911 turbo (993).
There are also brochures /posters etc. The MIL gets them too.
No idea what she's going to do with them since no one (except my step mum) knew my dad had bought them years ago. The step mum already owns 8 BTL's, art etc and is very well off in her own right financially so she doesn't care about if the ex French MIL gets them.
BTW the Will was changed last year. This is huge. It is ok for doctors to state he was of a sound mind but he clearly was not. Why would a father change his will to discount his son after his ex cheated??? Sound mind?? A Court would laugh at this fact. You have to contest this ASAP
The will was changed last year after I got divorced, and was legally binding with 2 doctors stating that my dad was mentally and physically sound and a clause had been inserted ( on my dad's behalf) stating that my dad wasn't under any external pressure to change the previous will.
Hé wanted my ex to inherit my share.
I suppose it's normal that my sister gets a load of cash +2 properties ( to add to the other 2 my dad helped pay for a few years ago!),but has anyone on here heard about /experienced the ex receiving an inheritance from the in laws instead of the son /daughter ?
Any advice on what to do ? It's pretty galling that the French MIL got the cars. Nobody knew about these investments until last Monday.
The 3 cars are : an e type Jaguar (1964), a Lancia Delta evo (1992) and a Porsche 911 turbo (993).
There are also brochures /posters etc. The MIL gets them too.
No idea what she's going to do with them since no one (except my step mum) knew my dad had bought them years ago. The step mum already owns 8 BTL's, art etc and is very well off in her own right financially so she doesn't care about if the ex French MIL gets them.
BTW the Will was changed last year. This is huge. It is ok for doctors to state he was of a sound mind but he clearly was not. Why would a father change his will to discount his son after his ex cheated??? Sound mind?? A Court would laugh at this fact. You have to contest this ASAP
I would not be asking on here if it should be contested, that adjustment sounds massively screwed up and made by your Ex... giving items to the Ex's new partner... did your father even know him?
Also that bit about its not about the money its about love... that to me clearly sounds like a dig or kicking salt in the wounds from your Ex to you.
Get off your ass and contests this ASAP otherwise it will all go missing and you will have no one but yourself to blame that you did not act fast enough.
I believe as soon as you contest, everything is in limbo so no-one can take their section of the will and cash it in and make the money disappear, the estate needs to be in good order before anything happens.
Also that bit about its not about the money its about love... that to me clearly sounds like a dig or kicking salt in the wounds from your Ex to you.
Get off your ass and contests this ASAP otherwise it will all go missing and you will have no one but yourself to blame that you did not act fast enough.
I believe as soon as you contest, everything is in limbo so no-one can take their section of the will and cash it in and make the money disappear, the estate needs to be in good order before anything happens.
No win no fee
Would need to find out the fee's but when you have nothing it could be worth it.
http://www.irwinmitchell.com/personal/wills-and-es... Seems top of lists
http://www.slatergordon.co.uk/inheritance-and-welf...
http://www.willclaim.com/no-win-no-fee/
http://www.inheritancedisputes.co.uk/no-win-no-fee...
Would need to find out the fee's but when you have nothing it could be worth it.
http://www.irwinmitchell.com/personal/wills-and-es... Seems top of lists
http://www.slatergordon.co.uk/inheritance-and-welf...
http://www.willclaim.com/no-win-no-fee/
http://www.inheritancedisputes.co.uk/no-win-no-fee...
Thanks for the links. I've hired a UK lawyer but unfortunately the MIL has already sold the cars ( she didn't hang about!!!). Sold to one Brit and two Americans! The ex won't tell me for how much. The MIL obviously got help to do this since she's not bilingual and knows zero about cars.
Anyone on here know what the cars might've been worth:
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The 2 properties have been put up for sale!!!
Got a French lawyer specialized in European financial laws involving cross border inheritances/taxes etc to look into this for me.
I've also contacted the solicitor's via the lawyer to block everything.
Finally, i went back to work last week. I had to as school head was threatening all sorts of sanctions. I was on exam invigilation duty + exam marking etc. The head of English refused to give me the making scheme/answers to correct the English exam that one of her friends ( an English teacher in the non-International) classes had put together. We're supposed to take it in turns to prepare the mock exams. I did one this time last year so this time it was for my English colleagues to prepare one.
I'd offered my exam anyway but it got ripped to shreds by jealous colleagues ( personal friends of the head of English in the International Section where i teach!). The head of English sent me on a wild goose chase around the school with promises that so and so would be able to give me the answers if i went to see so and so etc!!
I got fed up and demanded the answers ( all exams have to be marked during the christmas hols!)
Except they refuse to give me their answers/marking scheme 'put me in my place'. My boss threatened to cut my teaching hours again next year, told me i was awkward, uncooperative, a waste of time and place. She told me i was basically unwanted, just because my kids were excellent students gave me no reason to ask colleagues for things!!!
In fact when i put her on the spot and demanded to know why i was being deliberately cold shouldered and messed around she got personal ( she does this when she's in the wrong and can't justify her actions). She threatened to tell the new school board of governors that i was causing problems, that her friends in the non-international would support her claims and that consequently she would do everything to reduce my teaching timetable, hence my number of teaching hours, and hence reduce my salary. She told me to bugger off back to the UK, with or without my kids. She swore at me, banged the table and threatened to make my life hell.
One hour later she offered to buy me a coffee in front of other teaching colleagues and wished me a happy Christmas!!
I went to see the union rep in the school and i've got a meeting with the regional union leader next week. I've written down every last word from the one to one meeting and will inform the headmistress in writing as well. I'm making a stand over this.
I need the job since there are no other better jobs out there locally and moving back to the UK isn't an option ( unless i give up my daughter). No win situation!
So to add to the ex trying to get more custody rights, my dad passing away and leaving me out of the will, the ex MIL wasting no time in liquidating her share, i now have the head of English refusing to give me access to pedagogical resources all the other English teachers have access to, so that i can't do my job properly, and then violently attacking me with threats and blackmail!
Happy Christmas! I feel like i seriously f
ked up when i got married and moved to France 19 years ago.
I'm going to fight this all the way. I'm not allowing a stuck up childless middle aged woman who hates children and is full of spite to destroy my personal life!!
Anyone on here know what the cars might've been worth:
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The 2 properties have been put up for sale!!!
Got a French lawyer specialized in European financial laws involving cross border inheritances/taxes etc to look into this for me.
I've also contacted the solicitor's via the lawyer to block everything.
Finally, i went back to work last week. I had to as school head was threatening all sorts of sanctions. I was on exam invigilation duty + exam marking etc. The head of English refused to give me the making scheme/answers to correct the English exam that one of her friends ( an English teacher in the non-International) classes had put together. We're supposed to take it in turns to prepare the mock exams. I did one this time last year so this time it was for my English colleagues to prepare one.
I'd offered my exam anyway but it got ripped to shreds by jealous colleagues ( personal friends of the head of English in the International Section where i teach!). The head of English sent me on a wild goose chase around the school with promises that so and so would be able to give me the answers if i went to see so and so etc!!
I got fed up and demanded the answers ( all exams have to be marked during the christmas hols!)
Except they refuse to give me their answers/marking scheme 'put me in my place'. My boss threatened to cut my teaching hours again next year, told me i was awkward, uncooperative, a waste of time and place. She told me i was basically unwanted, just because my kids were excellent students gave me no reason to ask colleagues for things!!!
In fact when i put her on the spot and demanded to know why i was being deliberately cold shouldered and messed around she got personal ( she does this when she's in the wrong and can't justify her actions). She threatened to tell the new school board of governors that i was causing problems, that her friends in the non-international would support her claims and that consequently she would do everything to reduce my teaching timetable, hence my number of teaching hours, and hence reduce my salary. She told me to bugger off back to the UK, with or without my kids. She swore at me, banged the table and threatened to make my life hell.
One hour later she offered to buy me a coffee in front of other teaching colleagues and wished me a happy Christmas!!
I went to see the union rep in the school and i've got a meeting with the regional union leader next week. I've written down every last word from the one to one meeting and will inform the headmistress in writing as well. I'm making a stand over this.
I need the job since there are no other better jobs out there locally and moving back to the UK isn't an option ( unless i give up my daughter). No win situation!
So to add to the ex trying to get more custody rights, my dad passing away and leaving me out of the will, the ex MIL wasting no time in liquidating her share, i now have the head of English refusing to give me access to pedagogical resources all the other English teachers have access to, so that i can't do my job properly, and then violently attacking me with threats and blackmail!
Happy Christmas! I feel like i seriously f
ked up when i got married and moved to France 19 years ago. I'm going to fight this all the way. I'm not allowing a stuck up childless middle aged woman who hates children and is full of spite to destroy my personal life!!
rosbif77 said:
Thanks for the links. I've hired a UK lawyer but unfortunately the MIL has already sold the cars ( she didn't hang about!!!). Sold to one Brit and two Americans! The ex won't tell me for how much. The MIL obviously got help to do this since she's not bilingual and knows zero about cars.
Anyone on here know what the cars might've been worth:
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The 2 properties have been put up for sale!!!
Got a French lawyer specialized in European financial laws involving cross border inheritances/taxes etc to look into this for me.
I've also contacted the solicitor's via the lawyer to block everything.
Finally, i went back to work last week. I had to as school head was threatening all sorts of sanctions. I was on exam invigilation duty + exam marking etc. The head of English refused to give me the making scheme/answers to correct the English exam that one of her friends ( an English teacher in the non-International) classes had put together. We're supposed to take it in turns to prepare the mock exams. I did one this time last year so this time it was for my English colleagues to prepare one.
I'd offered my exam anyway but it got ripped to shreds by jealous colleagues ( personal friends of the head of English in the International Section where i teach!). The head of English sent me on a wild goose chase around the school with promises that so and so would be able to give me the answers if i went to see so and so etc!!
I got fed up and demanded the answers ( all exams have to be marked during the christmas hols!)
Except they refuse to give me their answers/marking scheme 'put me in my place'. My boss threatened to cut my teaching hours again next year, told me i was awkward, uncooperative, a waste of time and place. She told me i was basically unwanted, just because my kids were excellent students gave me no reason to ask colleagues for things!!!
In fact when i put her on the spot and demanded to know why i was being deliberately cold shouldered and messed around she got personal ( she does this when she's in the wrong and can't justify her actions). She threatened to tell the new school board of governors that i was causing problems, that her friends in the non-international would support her claims and that consequently she would do everything to reduce my teaching timetable, hence my number of teaching hours, and hence reduce my salary. She told me to bugger off back to the UK, with or without my kids. She swore at me, banged the table and threatened to make my life hell.
One hour later she offered to buy me a coffee in front of other teaching colleagues and wished me a happy Christmas!!
I went to see the union rep in the school and i've got a meeting with the regional union leader next week. I've written down every last word from the one to one meeting and will inform the headmistress in writing as well. I'm making a stand over this.
I need the job since there are no other better jobs out there locally and moving back to the UK isn't an option ( unless i give up my daughter). No win situation!
So to add to the ex trying to get more custody rights, my dad passing away and leaving me out of the will, the ex MIL wasting no time in liquidating her share, i now have the head of English refusing to give me access to pedagogical resources all the other English teachers have access to, so that i can't do my job properly, and then violently attacking me with threats and blackmail!
Happy Christmas! I feel like i seriously fked up when i got married and moved to France 19 years ago.
I'm going to fight this all the way. I'm not allowing a stuck up childless middle aged woman who hates children and is full of spite to destroy my personal life!!
Good you have lawyers on the case. Try and do as much yourself to keep costs down if you are having to pay.Anyone on here know what the cars might've been worth:
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The 2 properties have been put up for sale!!!
Got a French lawyer specialized in European financial laws involving cross border inheritances/taxes etc to look into this for me.
I've also contacted the solicitor's via the lawyer to block everything.
Finally, i went back to work last week. I had to as school head was threatening all sorts of sanctions. I was on exam invigilation duty + exam marking etc. The head of English refused to give me the making scheme/answers to correct the English exam that one of her friends ( an English teacher in the non-International) classes had put together. We're supposed to take it in turns to prepare the mock exams. I did one this time last year so this time it was for my English colleagues to prepare one.
I'd offered my exam anyway but it got ripped to shreds by jealous colleagues ( personal friends of the head of English in the International Section where i teach!). The head of English sent me on a wild goose chase around the school with promises that so and so would be able to give me the answers if i went to see so and so etc!!
I got fed up and demanded the answers ( all exams have to be marked during the christmas hols!)
Except they refuse to give me their answers/marking scheme 'put me in my place'. My boss threatened to cut my teaching hours again next year, told me i was awkward, uncooperative, a waste of time and place. She told me i was basically unwanted, just because my kids were excellent students gave me no reason to ask colleagues for things!!!
In fact when i put her on the spot and demanded to know why i was being deliberately cold shouldered and messed around she got personal ( she does this when she's in the wrong and can't justify her actions). She threatened to tell the new school board of governors that i was causing problems, that her friends in the non-international would support her claims and that consequently she would do everything to reduce my teaching timetable, hence my number of teaching hours, and hence reduce my salary. She told me to bugger off back to the UK, with or without my kids. She swore at me, banged the table and threatened to make my life hell.
One hour later she offered to buy me a coffee in front of other teaching colleagues and wished me a happy Christmas!!
I went to see the union rep in the school and i've got a meeting with the regional union leader next week. I've written down every last word from the one to one meeting and will inform the headmistress in writing as well. I'm making a stand over this.
I need the job since there are no other better jobs out there locally and moving back to the UK isn't an option ( unless i give up my daughter). No win situation!
So to add to the ex trying to get more custody rights, my dad passing away and leaving me out of the will, the ex MIL wasting no time in liquidating her share, i now have the head of English refusing to give me access to pedagogical resources all the other English teachers have access to, so that i can't do my job properly, and then violently attacking me with threats and blackmail!
Happy Christmas! I feel like i seriously f
ked up when i got married and moved to France 19 years ago. I'm going to fight this all the way. I'm not allowing a stuck up childless middle aged woman who hates children and is full of spite to destroy my personal life!!
Do you have any letters or emails from your father? Anything that states his horrible nature towards you?
Regarding the cars I have no doubt the MIL knew as they all did what they were getting once your so called father died as you don't see these cars that quickly.
These are all sought after cars and will have made her over £150,000. The Lancia would depend on which actual model but your father will not have bought crap if he had the money to spend.
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The head is being very smart and only doing these things face to face. You need to buy a recording device to have in your pocket which will record her threats as without any proof and the backing of her friends you will not win against her.
Anything else you have from anyone email wise?? The Ex? MIL? Father? Look out everything.
Just remember everyone can get to hell at this moment in time. You need to 100% concentrate in getting YOUR SHARE in the will. This way you will have freedom in a money sense to get away before they do actually take you down.
Do you have the kids for Christmas? Make it VERY special for them and you. Arrange something and make sure it is special. It is hard but try and let what is happening go for them at Christmas
You will win and get your share. Just make sure you fish out anything which can be used as evidence.
If you need anything just ask.
Can anyone tell me why all my life I've been at the mercy of the same type of bullying, vindictive, nasty manipulative person. My dad, the bullys at school, teachers and head in England, my boss in car showroom, the MIL, the ex, and now the head of the English dept where i work.
I've met loads of decent, generous, honest types throughout my life yet not one of them was in a position of authority.
I've yet to come across a boss, head of dept, head of year who treats me correctly and fairly.
I just don't get it. It must be me! I've always tried to get in with people, I never went out of my way to abuse /humiliate /crush anyone.
I guess in this world nice guys just don't win.
Why is it that a position of authority automatically brings out the worst in someone?
Why do people have to take advantage of someone else's perceived weaknesses?
Is it because all those who've made my life a misery have been either jealous, felt threatened or did it to hide their own fragility?
I've met loads of decent, generous, honest types throughout my life yet not one of them was in a position of authority.
I've yet to come across a boss, head of dept, head of year who treats me correctly and fairly.
I just don't get it. It must be me! I've always tried to get in with people, I never went out of my way to abuse /humiliate /crush anyone.
I guess in this world nice guys just don't win.
Why is it that a position of authority automatically brings out the worst in someone?
Why do people have to take advantage of someone else's perceived weaknesses?
Is it because all those who've made my life a misery have been either jealous, felt threatened or did it to hide their own fragility?
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 17th December 19:56
This thread makes for hard reading. Heart-wrenching stuff, and I suspect that no-one envies you in any way at all. But might I offer an alternative view? Let me say from the outset that I'm not trying to be callous.
But yes, it might be you. Everyone else seems to be against you, to be an enemy. You are the odd one out. So it IS about you. So what to do? Well, you're plainly not happy. It's no surprise you're not happy, your life sucks. So what is in your gift; how can you change the root cause?
Seems to me that you need to make a drastic change; of location, of profession perhaps. Most of all, of attitude. Leave. Move. Do something. Do anything. Make a change.
What is the cost? Contact with your daughter is the obvious risk, but children are resilient and, especially when intelligent, know more about their parents and the situation than parents give them credit for. Your daughter will not stop loving you, regardless of where you are - have faith in her and in your relationship.
As for you, change. You are desperately unhappy. You yearn for a non-existent happy past. Your relationships at work and home (less children) are unsuccessful and unsatisfying. Go somewhere, anywhere. Take yourself off and find the 'who' you are; you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Only once you've done that can you make decisions that will be clear-headed and rational, but at the moment you are more likely to perpetuate a downward spiral than not.
These are simply thoughts from an untrained stranger from cyberspace that doesn't know you and has nothing to lose, so tread carefully. But possibly food for thought ... ?
Just to add; don't fight the will. Forget the money. It isn't about the money, which was his and never yours anyway. Stand on your own two feet. Don't engage the lawyers. Don't do anything except walk away with dignity and self-respect. His money doesn't make you, you do that yourself. Your awakening as a man might have been a long time coming, don't delay it any further. Find yourself, not your father.
But yes, it might be you. Everyone else seems to be against you, to be an enemy. You are the odd one out. So it IS about you. So what to do? Well, you're plainly not happy. It's no surprise you're not happy, your life sucks. So what is in your gift; how can you change the root cause?
Seems to me that you need to make a drastic change; of location, of profession perhaps. Most of all, of attitude. Leave. Move. Do something. Do anything. Make a change.
What is the cost? Contact with your daughter is the obvious risk, but children are resilient and, especially when intelligent, know more about their parents and the situation than parents give them credit for. Your daughter will not stop loving you, regardless of where you are - have faith in her and in your relationship.
As for you, change. You are desperately unhappy. You yearn for a non-existent happy past. Your relationships at work and home (less children) are unsuccessful and unsatisfying. Go somewhere, anywhere. Take yourself off and find the 'who' you are; you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Only once you've done that can you make decisions that will be clear-headed and rational, but at the moment you are more likely to perpetuate a downward spiral than not.
These are simply thoughts from an untrained stranger from cyberspace that doesn't know you and has nothing to lose, so tread carefully. But possibly food for thought ... ?
Just to add; don't fight the will. Forget the money. It isn't about the money, which was his and never yours anyway. Stand on your own two feet. Don't engage the lawyers. Don't do anything except walk away with dignity and self-respect. His money doesn't make you, you do that yourself. Your awakening as a man might have been a long time coming, don't delay it any further. Find yourself, not your father.
Edited by CharlesdeGaulle on Saturday 17th December 20:41
Do you know what emotion has ruled, dominated my life ? FEAR. That primieval emotion that keeps us alive.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'fkin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.
All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying teagically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What's so different to mine ?
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the st.
Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'f
kin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying teagically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What's so different to mine ?
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the s
t.Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
rosbif77 said:
Do you know what emotion has ruled, dominated my life ? FEAR. That primieval emotion that keeps us alive.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'fkin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.
All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying tragically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What makes line so special?
When you love someone you put yourself at risk of losing that person.
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the st.
Fear means that I tell my kids everyday how much I love them.because I don't want to lose them.
Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong. You just have to read through this thread to see chow many times I've had bad luck.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'f
kin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying tragically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What makes line so special?
When you love someone you put yourself at risk of losing that person.
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the s
t.Fear means that I tell my kids everyday how much I love them.because I don't want to lose them.
Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong. You just have to read through this thread to see chow many times I've had bad luck.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
After previously reading the thread I thought perhaps your dad was one of the old-school harsh parents, but after seeing the recent updates I think he's just a (albeit a very successful one).
If you can contest the will at no/minimal cost to you then I'd say go for it. It's usually advised against because it costs the estate money and causes rifts, but you have been given no money and it seems there is little to lose from a relationship point of view.
(albeit a very successful one).If you can contest the will at no/minimal cost to you then I'd say go for it. It's usually advised against because it costs the estate money and causes rifts, but you have been given no money and it seems there is little to lose from a relationship point of view.
Gareth79 said:
If you can contest the will at no/minimal cost to you then I'd say go for it. It's usually advised against because it costs the estate money and causes rifts, but you have been given no money and it seems there is little to lose from a relationship point of view.
I think this is really bad advice, as I said a couple of posts up. rosbif77 said:
My whole life has been about fear ... I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
Have you tried counselling? I'm not trying to be funny, I'm deadly serious. Preferably with a therapist with experience of dealing with trauma/PTSD. As I said in my post of last night, I'm no expert, merely a stranger from the internet, but I've met a number of people that have benefitted from counselling, and I sense you'd be another.
Gareth79 said:
After previously reading the thread I thought perhaps your dad was one of the old-school harsh parents, but after seeing the recent updates I think he's just a (albeit a very successful one).
If you can contest the will at no/minimal cost to you then I'd say go for it. It's usually advised against because it costs the estate money and causes rifts, but you have been given no money and it seems there is little to lose from a relationship point of view.
I totally agree. (albeit a very successful one).If you can contest the will at no/minimal cost to you then I'd say go for it. It's usually advised against because it costs the estate money and causes rifts, but you have been given no money and it seems there is little to lose from a relationship point of view.
You have nothing to lose as none of your siblings give a dam about you so just take it to court as fast as possible.
The money you will receive will give you the chance to move forward and also stick two fingers up at that vile man who was not a father.
As Gareth79 states try and make sure when contesting the will it is at no/minimal cost to you as you don't want to fight this and get only a huge bill without a result.
Just make sure that you are emotionally ready yourself for court. The others will fling all sorts at you but just keep very dignified. When it is money being contested you will be amazed how vile people will get.
Quuck update guys.
No legal aid for me due to capital received from divorce settlement + rejected since I've been resident in France since 1997.
My share estimated by lawyer is £585000 (2 properties)+ £250000 ( current market value of the 3 cars)+ shares transferred to ex+car mags/brochures add another £60000.
That's a whopping £900000!!!
That's a lottery winning sum. Life changing!
The lawyer has already uncovered loads of investment accounts going back to the 1980's.
The cars were sold but the sale has been blocked. Export documents blocked by legal team. The money has been frozen pending judgement.
I've hired 2 lawyers. One to contest MIL in France under French law and one to fight will in England under U.K. law.
Both told me to expect the roughest, bloodiest fight of my life.
I've been told that the legal cases could take months if not years if the other side really decides to play dirty. My French lawyer told me about one family who left out their son from the family inheritance and set up dozens of off shore accounts to hide the family's wealth.
It took the son 7 years and €400000 in legal fees to get his share !
Now I'm going to to up against it !!!
No legal aid for me due to capital received from divorce settlement + rejected since I've been resident in France since 1997.
My share estimated by lawyer is £585000 (2 properties)+ £250000 ( current market value of the 3 cars)+ shares transferred to ex+car mags/brochures add another £60000.
That's a whopping £900000!!!
That's a lottery winning sum. Life changing!
The lawyer has already uncovered loads of investment accounts going back to the 1980's.
The cars were sold but the sale has been blocked. Export documents blocked by legal team. The money has been frozen pending judgement.
I've hired 2 lawyers. One to contest MIL in France under French law and one to fight will in England under U.K. law.
Both told me to expect the roughest, bloodiest fight of my life.
I've been told that the legal cases could take months if not years if the other side really decides to play dirty. My French lawyer told me about one family who left out their son from the family inheritance and set up dozens of off shore accounts to hide the family's wealth.
It took the son 7 years and €400000 in legal fees to get his share !
Now I'm going to to up against it !!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 20th December 12:03
Best of luck, I think you really deserve something from this, go for the big amount but be prepared to settle for something a bit less as they will want to get you off their case so they can go and enjoy their ill gotten gains in peace, not saying sell yourself short but it may expedite things and they wont battle as hard and you avoid additional agro.
Keep us posted, fingers crossed for you !
Keep us posted, fingers crossed for you !
I wish you well, but am going to quote my comment of the other day:
I fear that this won't end well.
CharlesdeGaulle said:
Just to add; don't fight the will. Forget the money. It isn't about the money, which was his and never yours anyway. Stand on your own two feet. Don't engage the lawyers. Don't do anything except walk away with dignity and self-respect. His money doesn't make you, you do that yourself. Your awakening as a man might have been a long time coming, don't delay it any further. Find yourself, not your father.
I know you won't listen because your head has beenn turned by the figures, even though you probably know that you'll end up with nothing like that. Whatever you get won't make you happy. I fear that this won't end well.
CharlesdeGaulle said:
I wish you well, but am going to quote my comment of the other day:
I fear that this won't end well.
I think he has nothing to lose, this way, even if he doesn't get anything he knows he has tried and as a side benefit it makes a point to those who have benefited that he should, by rights have been considered.CharlesdeGaulle said:
Just to add; don't fight the will. Forget the money. It isn't about the money, which was his and never yours anyway. Stand on your own two feet. Don't engage the lawyers. Don't do anything except walk away with dignity and self-respect. His money doesn't make you, you do that yourself. Your awakening as a man might have been a long time coming, don't delay it any further. Find yourself, not your father.
I know you won't listen because your head has beenn turned by the figures, even though you probably know that you'll end up with nothing like that. Whatever you get won't make you happy. I fear that this won't end well.
I would agree if Rosbif was living high on the hog but this thread makes it clear that he is not and a few quid, which those folk could easily spare would help massively and give him some options.
I can see the case for sucking it up and moving on but the stakes are too high, he has been stiffed big style, and I know plenty manage without inheriting money but it seems cruel and unusual for a wealthy parent to overlook one of their children completely, especially when it was clear he is struggling a bit for money, at least on the face of it it does, only heard one side to be fair.
Hopefully he gets a wadge and can then make some choices and potentially turn the tables, can do that without money but it does make things a lot easier.
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