Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?
Discussion
My boss has a job for life here. Virtually every teacher in France qualifies by passing the entrance exam in their early twenties, then simply works in the school they're posted to until they get enough points to choose their own school. That could take 20-30 years!!!!
Unless you commit a criminal offence you've got a cushy job. Half the teachers i know teach because they can't do anything else and they've been teaching the same lessons for years! If you're exceptionally talented and extremely hard working you might get extra points and therefore a pay rise. Otherwise poor, ordinary and good teachers all get paid the same. It helps to know someone in the local education authority who'll 'post' you to an easier school!!!
The boss has a gun permit and she's a member of a local hunting club.Her boyfriend makes cakes and presents his flower arrangements at shows!!!
She drives a Jeep and her boyfriend a Citroën C1!!!
It's a real reversal of roles!!!!!! The other male teachers in the school mock him, but they lick my boss's boots to make sure her friend ( the headmistress) gives them easy timetables.
I take a packed lunch and eat it in a small office. Sometimes i eat in the cantine with the classroom teaching assistants who get treated as a 'sub species' by the boss's friends.
My American colleague in the International Section is a member of the French communist party, preaches social revolution to anyone who'll listen to him, but drives a BMW 330i, owns at least 5 houses/flats, and wears expensive trainers!!!!!He has double nationality as well as a Swiss passport. He's never once supported me against the boss or even
given me advice(his wife is a union representative).
Lots of younger teachers have joined the school in récent years and work very hard to get the excellent pass rates. They're hoping the headmistress will notice them and award extra points (pay rise)!!!
The school is heavily over subscribed and there's a long waiting list of parents hoping to get their kids in.
À quarter of the kids come from very wealthy families, a quarter from middle class one's and the rest from poor families( taken due to quota system for private schools in France).
Teacher's children get an automatic place ( if they want them) and get big reductions on school fees( ( 75% in my case!)
My daughter would have to go to an average poorly funded local school in my catchment area if she wasn't at the private school.
Unfortunately my boss knows this very well so uses it against me. She knows I'll put up with the stress, bullying, bad timetable, pay cuts because i'm doing it for my children.
My son went to the private secondary and sixth form there and got an excellent education.
Maybe he would've achieved the same thing at the local state school, who knows?
My ex puts her relationship with her boyfriend first. He's nearly 7 years younger than her so she's constantly dieting, spending a fortune on beauty treatments and clothes, and having weekends away.
She's always left the kid's education to me even when we were still married.
She once said ' i married you because you'll always put our children first and help them achieve their dreams.'
Last weekend my son needed a whole pile of extra books for university. The ex refused to get them, claiming to be hard up, so i bought them for him.
Unless you commit a criminal offence you've got a cushy job. Half the teachers i know teach because they can't do anything else and they've been teaching the same lessons for years! If you're exceptionally talented and extremely hard working you might get extra points and therefore a pay rise. Otherwise poor, ordinary and good teachers all get paid the same. It helps to know someone in the local education authority who'll 'post' you to an easier school!!!
The boss has a gun permit and she's a member of a local hunting club.Her boyfriend makes cakes and presents his flower arrangements at shows!!!
She drives a Jeep and her boyfriend a Citroën C1!!!
It's a real reversal of roles!!!!!! The other male teachers in the school mock him, but they lick my boss's boots to make sure her friend ( the headmistress) gives them easy timetables.
I take a packed lunch and eat it in a small office. Sometimes i eat in the cantine with the classroom teaching assistants who get treated as a 'sub species' by the boss's friends.
My American colleague in the International Section is a member of the French communist party, preaches social revolution to anyone who'll listen to him, but drives a BMW 330i, owns at least 5 houses/flats, and wears expensive trainers!!!!!He has double nationality as well as a Swiss passport. He's never once supported me against the boss or even
given me advice(his wife is a union representative).
Lots of younger teachers have joined the school in récent years and work very hard to get the excellent pass rates. They're hoping the headmistress will notice them and award extra points (pay rise)!!!
The school is heavily over subscribed and there's a long waiting list of parents hoping to get their kids in.
À quarter of the kids come from very wealthy families, a quarter from middle class one's and the rest from poor families( taken due to quota system for private schools in France).
Teacher's children get an automatic place ( if they want them) and get big reductions on school fees( ( 75% in my case!)
My daughter would have to go to an average poorly funded local school in my catchment area if she wasn't at the private school.
Unfortunately my boss knows this very well so uses it against me. She knows I'll put up with the stress, bullying, bad timetable, pay cuts because i'm doing it for my children.
My son went to the private secondary and sixth form there and got an excellent education.
Maybe he would've achieved the same thing at the local state school, who knows?
My ex puts her relationship with her boyfriend first. He's nearly 7 years younger than her so she's constantly dieting, spending a fortune on beauty treatments and clothes, and having weekends away.
She's always left the kid's education to me even when we were still married.
She once said ' i married you because you'll always put our children first and help them achieve their dreams.'
Last weekend my son needed a whole pile of extra books for university. The ex refused to get them, claiming to be hard up, so i bought them for him.
I'm finding it difficult to write at the moment. I tried writing from 10 pm till midnight on the evenings i get back late is really tough. The creative juices weren't flowing. Next i tried writing from 5 - 6 am but after a week was too tired ( i get up at 5.45 normally).
I'm now scribbling down words during lesson breaks at school, hidden away in a storage room!
Got loads of notes/ideas/mini plots all over the place. I find i write better when i get angry or pissed off with someone!!! Gets the adrenaline going!
The weight isn't coming off. I go to the local gym Weds from 6-8 pm, Sat and Sun mornings from 8.30 - 10.30/11 and do cardio ( cross bike/rowing machine)plus lifting weights. I feel really good afterwards but absolutely ravenous when i get home.
I try to ignore the hunger pangs to avoid binging on stuff in the fridge with a long shower, lots of water, and putting on loud rock music!!!
Doesn't work. Even after a balanced meal i'm still hungry.
The second problem is when i get home after a really crap day at school ( hassle from the boss) i just feel really worthless and stupid for being in the situation , and just want to eat sugary food. I only buy dark chocolate and i feel an incredible urge to gobble up the whole block. I find myself opening the fridge/cupboard doors and desperately looking for something to give me a 'sugar rush' so i feel better. The problem with this is that 10 minutes later i feel really guilty and stupid for having given in and not resisted!
Everyday in traffic i try to remain calm and ignore the bloody awful driving around me! It's the wild west on the motorways/A roads round Paris. Every morning and every evening i see drivers with no seatbelt, drivers phoning whilst undertaking on the motorway, children climbing about in the back seats, lorries that jump red lights, cars that wait for you to get 20m from you then pull out from a side road, motorcyclists who slalom through fast moving traffic crossing three lanes, lorries who sit in the middle of a carriageway straddling the white lines and when they get to a roundabout just move out in front of a car!!!
In 12 years of daily commuting i've not seen one gendarme pull over a motorist on the roads i take every day!! There are simply too many drivers breaking too many laws so the police don't bother!!!
There are however speed cameras with signposts warning drivers 100m before so everyone slams on their brakes!!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Thursday 15th September 18:58
Some good and bad news.
Just weighed myself and i've dropped from 94kg to 90kg (not weighted myself since mid August) . Last week i went to the gym everyday with 1h cardio (2x30 of crossbike) and 1h of lifting weights.
I've also cut down my portion sizes and the jeans are not as tight as before.
Still got about 8-10 kg to go!
Bad news: i'm going to have to get a lawyer because the ex is not respecting the terms of the divorce contract. She refuses to pay her contribution towards thé fuel costs i pay to take my daughter to school everyday. Before it was both kids now it's one ( but still the same distance!)
The MIL wants a confrontation in court and then drag out the process to strangle me financially.
My son came home for the weekend on Friday afternoon. I had a parents evening in the sixth form plus i had to pick up my daughter who came back late from a school trip. We got back at 10.30pm and the ex had refused to do my son's laundry, or feed him ( the local laundry next to his Uni was closed) claiming it was my week to look after the kids!!!
She has 2 washing machines and spin dryers!!!
Had to take them to the local fast food drive at 11pm!!
However, my daughter got worried that i was starting to feel tired and angry so she gave me a lovely present ( she used nearly all her pocket money i gave her as school trip spending money) and a card with a picture she'd drawn of her and me floating in a hot air balloon over the Massif Central under which she'd written the following words;
' to the best and most precious daddy in the world. I'm so lucky to have a daddy like you.
I love you lots'
She gave me a big hug and when she saw i was choked up said
'life isn't always fair and i don't care what mummy says about you because you'll always be my special daddy!'
Just weighed myself and i've dropped from 94kg to 90kg (not weighted myself since mid August) . Last week i went to the gym everyday with 1h cardio (2x30 of crossbike) and 1h of lifting weights.
I've also cut down my portion sizes and the jeans are not as tight as before.
Still got about 8-10 kg to go!
Bad news: i'm going to have to get a lawyer because the ex is not respecting the terms of the divorce contract. She refuses to pay her contribution towards thé fuel costs i pay to take my daughter to school everyday. Before it was both kids now it's one ( but still the same distance!)
The MIL wants a confrontation in court and then drag out the process to strangle me financially.
My son came home for the weekend on Friday afternoon. I had a parents evening in the sixth form plus i had to pick up my daughter who came back late from a school trip. We got back at 10.30pm and the ex had refused to do my son's laundry, or feed him ( the local laundry next to his Uni was closed) claiming it was my week to look after the kids!!!
She has 2 washing machines and spin dryers!!!
Had to take them to the local fast food drive at 11pm!!
However, my daughter got worried that i was starting to feel tired and angry so she gave me a lovely present ( she used nearly all her pocket money i gave her as school trip spending money) and a card with a picture she'd drawn of her and me floating in a hot air balloon over the Massif Central under which she'd written the following words;
' to the best and most precious daddy in the world. I'm so lucky to have a daddy like you.
I love you lots'
She gave me a big hug and when she saw i was choked up said
'life isn't always fair and i don't care what mummy says about you because you'll always be my special daddy!'
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 18th September 11:24
I've always had a terrible lack of self confidence that's led me to feel stupid, worthless and unable to achieve anything in life.
Shame and guilt followed. Reinforced by the very people closest to me.
I constantly compared myself to others believing that they must have better lives than me.
My dad felt bitter that he never achieved the career he wanted due to bad luck, not knowing the right person, speaking his mind too often etc. I suppose i must have sub consciously picked up these messages throughout my youth and that combined with a lack of praise/encouragement led to my negativity.
The worst thing was the daily suffering i endured at school, the numerous occasions when i literally felt like i was dying, and no one believed ( or wanted to believe) what i was going through. It lasted 5 years and even now i can remember all the horrors.
No one was there to protect or help me. I was ignored and things swept under the carpet.
That's the reason i've put all my time and energy into making sure i'm the best possible father for my children.
Shame and guilt followed. Reinforced by the very people closest to me.
I constantly compared myself to others believing that they must have better lives than me.
My dad felt bitter that he never achieved the career he wanted due to bad luck, not knowing the right person, speaking his mind too often etc. I suppose i must have sub consciously picked up these messages throughout my youth and that combined with a lack of praise/encouragement led to my negativity.
The worst thing was the daily suffering i endured at school, the numerous occasions when i literally felt like i was dying, and no one believed ( or wanted to believe) what i was going through. It lasted 5 years and even now i can remember all the horrors.
No one was there to protect or help me. I was ignored and things swept under the carpet.
That's the reason i've put all my time and energy into making sure i'm the best possible father for my children.
I'm posting this even though one part of me says my life is nowhere near as bad as Robster's. It warms the heart to see the solidarity of members on here.
I just wish i could say the same about my work colleagues!
I'm seriously thinking about throwing in the towel and getting the next ferry home!
I've had enough of the bullying, humiliation and s
t at work and from the ex/MIL.
I've made an apointment to see the area union rep next week and i'm going to have to get legal advice concerning the ex!
Last week was a fkin' nightnare!!!
The problems started last Monday when the ex turned up 30 mins late to drop off my daughter at the pré arranged normal drop off/pick up point. Alarm clock excuse. Cue huge jams and late arriving at school. Got an earful from the boss in front of my class waiting in the corridor for me to arrive. She won't respect the divorce contract and the MIL is itching for a fight in court!!!
Wednesday afternoon was a half day Inset at the 6th form where i work ( pedagogical training day. ) I was ordered to stay by the boss. Surprise, surprise i find a good 1/3 of the staff absent including all my English dept colleagues ( boss as well!). The headmistress presented the school's emergency security measures ( extremely important!!) I demanded to know why the head of English wasn't present for a meeting that obviously concerned everyone employed in the school!!!
I got shot down by the head who refused to discuss individual teachers cases in public!!!
No one backed me up!!!
Thursday i discover my boss told my colleagues not to go (she gave permission for one to go collect her new car ordered at showroom, another was authorized to go for an eye test). I had to cancel my lessons at a local uni ( just got part time work there!!!)
On Friday there was a mass in the school chapel for a retired member of staff who had passed away. In France all schools are secular ( only private schools have chapels being ex catholic schools) but going to mass is not compulsory.
I was told in strong terms by the head that all members of staff were expected to go to show solidarity and compassion.
The deceased was one of the head's old friends!!!! I knew her and got on reasonably well with her,even though she was a hard nosed chain smoking dragon.
I went to pay my respects anyway but was still curtly told my the head whilst entering the chapel, 'it's about time you showed some more respect for your colleagues. I expect you to pay your respects to X and represent your hard working English colleagues'!!!
My so called colleagues weren't present.They'd all been 'given' autorisation not to attend for differing reasons ( don't work on Thurs mornings/ aren't religious/ photocopying to do etc). I politely but firmly told the head that religion is not something you can force on people ( normally!!!) and France is a secular country. The head ignored me with a passive/aggressive stance.
I was furious and afterwards went straight to see the union rep. He tried to play down the seriousnous of the situation. The rep is new and doesn't want to rock the boat.
He won't do a thing to upset the head. He knows that the head was appointed by the local education authority and that she's been given the job of cutting costs ( forcing out experienced teachers and bringing in newly qualified ones)
When has it been compulsory to go to mass? France is a secular country anyway!!
In the afternoon my timetable had been changed ( my students knew but no one informed me). I got another dessing down in front of my class from the head. The head of year was informed, the students also, but i was left out!!!
Finally My boss had set up an apointment for me with a disgruntled parent at 6.30pm. I was leaving at 4.30 to collect my daughter when she literally screamed out of her office at me as i was heading for my car!!! In front of students off course!!!The parent was disgruntled because i'm making her precious child work hard and i don't take any crap from him!!! The boss supported the parent and the détention i gave the parent's son has been cancelled ( he got lippy with me after repeatedly refusing to move due to poor classroom behaviour!
The head of English refuses to support me when i sanction the selfish, spolit, undisciplined brats in the International Section. I've got loads of kids who want to learn and n
i'm not going to waste their time and mine on one rich kid! His mother couldn't even tell him to stop chewing gum during the meeting, so i did!!!!
My boss laughed it off!!!!
I followed the school disciplinary procedure but the boss won't sanction the detention ( he got let off with a warning!)
The parent lives in the same street as the boss and her husband owns the local golf club where the boss is a member!!!
To cap it all i've received an official warning about my conduct. Rudeness, insolence and lack of respect towards a senior member of staff ( the boss!)
I was told bluntly that i either i keep my head down and take the crap or i get out and my daughter won't then obviously have access to the quality education. Her mum would love to dump her in the local state school ( bad results, poor budget, gangs) just to spite me and avoid splitting the education costs.
My daughter loves going to the private school, has lots of friends, is top of her class and already speaks 3 languages.
Some people might call me a snob or middle class but i don't care. I just want the best for my daughter.
Anyway i'm going to go out and get pissed now!!!
I
I just wish i could say the same about my work colleagues!
I'm seriously thinking about throwing in the towel and getting the next ferry home!
I've had enough of the bullying, humiliation and s
t at work and from the ex/MIL.I've made an apointment to see the area union rep next week and i'm going to have to get legal advice concerning the ex!
Last week was a f
kin' nightnare!!!The problems started last Monday when the ex turned up 30 mins late to drop off my daughter at the pré arranged normal drop off/pick up point. Alarm clock excuse. Cue huge jams and late arriving at school. Got an earful from the boss in front of my class waiting in the corridor for me to arrive. She won't respect the divorce contract and the MIL is itching for a fight in court!!!
Wednesday afternoon was a half day Inset at the 6th form where i work ( pedagogical training day. ) I was ordered to stay by the boss. Surprise, surprise i find a good 1/3 of the staff absent including all my English dept colleagues ( boss as well!). The headmistress presented the school's emergency security measures ( extremely important!!) I demanded to know why the head of English wasn't present for a meeting that obviously concerned everyone employed in the school!!!
I got shot down by the head who refused to discuss individual teachers cases in public!!!
No one backed me up!!!
Thursday i discover my boss told my colleagues not to go (she gave permission for one to go collect her new car ordered at showroom, another was authorized to go for an eye test). I had to cancel my lessons at a local uni ( just got part time work there!!!)
On Friday there was a mass in the school chapel for a retired member of staff who had passed away. In France all schools are secular ( only private schools have chapels being ex catholic schools) but going to mass is not compulsory.
I was told in strong terms by the head that all members of staff were expected to go to show solidarity and compassion.
The deceased was one of the head's old friends!!!! I knew her and got on reasonably well with her,even though she was a hard nosed chain smoking dragon.
I went to pay my respects anyway but was still curtly told my the head whilst entering the chapel, 'it's about time you showed some more respect for your colleagues. I expect you to pay your respects to X and represent your hard working English colleagues'!!!
My so called colleagues weren't present.They'd all been 'given' autorisation not to attend for differing reasons ( don't work on Thurs mornings/ aren't religious/ photocopying to do etc). I politely but firmly told the head that religion is not something you can force on people ( normally!!!) and France is a secular country. The head ignored me with a passive/aggressive stance.
I was furious and afterwards went straight to see the union rep. He tried to play down the seriousnous of the situation. The rep is new and doesn't want to rock the boat.
He won't do a thing to upset the head. He knows that the head was appointed by the local education authority and that she's been given the job of cutting costs ( forcing out experienced teachers and bringing in newly qualified ones)
When has it been compulsory to go to mass? France is a secular country anyway!!
In the afternoon my timetable had been changed ( my students knew but no one informed me). I got another dessing down in front of my class from the head. The head of year was informed, the students also, but i was left out!!!
Finally My boss had set up an apointment for me with a disgruntled parent at 6.30pm. I was leaving at 4.30 to collect my daughter when she literally screamed out of her office at me as i was heading for my car!!! In front of students off course!!!The parent was disgruntled because i'm making her precious child work hard and i don't take any crap from him!!! The boss supported the parent and the détention i gave the parent's son has been cancelled ( he got lippy with me after repeatedly refusing to move due to poor classroom behaviour!
The head of English refuses to support me when i sanction the selfish, spolit, undisciplined brats in the International Section. I've got loads of kids who want to learn and n
i'm not going to waste their time and mine on one rich kid! His mother couldn't even tell him to stop chewing gum during the meeting, so i did!!!!
My boss laughed it off!!!!
I followed the school disciplinary procedure but the boss won't sanction the detention ( he got let off with a warning!)
The parent lives in the same street as the boss and her husband owns the local golf club where the boss is a member!!!
To cap it all i've received an official warning about my conduct. Rudeness, insolence and lack of respect towards a senior member of staff ( the boss!)
I was told bluntly that i either i keep my head down and take the crap or i get out and my daughter won't then obviously have access to the quality education. Her mum would love to dump her in the local state school ( bad results, poor budget, gangs) just to spite me and avoid splitting the education costs.
My daughter loves going to the private school, has lots of friends, is top of her class and already speaks 3 languages.
Some people might call me a snob or middle class but i don't care. I just want the best for my daughter.
Anyway i'm going to go out and get pissed now!!!
I
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 24th September 18:18
Just out of A&E.
Went out last night. The lady i've seen a few times dumped me on Twitter ( very modern way of ending things and avoids explaining).
All the stuff she told me was pure rubbish about leaving her ex and his money! She's gone back to him and his huge house and Porsche ( old's the word. He's 56 and she's 37).
She even put private photos on facebook!!!
The bank won't give me a mortgage due to my low salary ( dropped 500€ month /net since 2014!!!)
I'm paying over 800€ month for a 2 bed flat. My kids love it and i feel happy there.
I can't invest in a flat so it's wasted money!
Every bank has turned me down.
I have to dip into my savings every month!
My car needs all the shocks/discs replacing. Big bill!!!
I'm fed up with drivers treating other road users as targets!
Thursday morning rush hour. Doing 90kmh( speed limit). Driver behind can't overtake.
At roundabout she mounts the grass verge, undertakes, brakes suddenly to block me then cuts up driver already on roundabout.
Friday tanker driver pulls out at last minute from side road on dual carraigeway ( 110 kmh) causing me to hit brakes so hard ABS works!!!
He then straddles both lanes at 50 kmh for 1km to stop me overtaking!!!
Friday evening motorcylist can't get past me on narrow country road. He flashes me. I wasn't going to move over due to narrowness and ditch close to the road. There's a long line of traffic in front of me anyway!!
He overtakes causing lorry to brake coming other way pulls alongside me and kicks my car door, pulls out something metallic and throws it at my window.
Before i can grab my phone to photo him he accelerates and at next junction jumps the red light!!!!
Friday near my home town not one but three cars jump the red lights i'm stopped at, the last driver throws the contents of his ash tray out the window!!!
Sat morning on way to gym woman in DS4 doesn't like me driving at 70kmh in town, can't overtake so at next red light her boyfriend jumps out and totally flips. He's screaming that no one holds up his girlfriend because he'll burn down their house and slit their throat!!!
She then overtakes in the town centre.
Later on i pop into the chemists. She's the
assistant pharmacist. I confront her and she denies the whole thing smiling sweetly!!!
What turns people into psychotic enraged drivers? Why do they use their cars to intimidate fellow drivers?
I'd had enough so i drunk too much and took too many paracétamol. I got into à argument with 2 guys who were pushing around/ insulting 2 women outside the cinema. One tried to hit me so all the anger inside me burst out and i decked him. His mate kicked me from behind and as i went down kneed me.
The women didn't bother to help me and even called me a 'bloody anglais'.
I panicked and called a taxi to take me to local. A&E.
The women called the police and blamed me for the disturbance!
Went out last night. The lady i've seen a few times dumped me on Twitter ( very modern way of ending things and avoids explaining).
All the stuff she told me was pure rubbish about leaving her ex and his money! She's gone back to him and his huge house and Porsche ( old's the word. He's 56 and she's 37).
She even put private photos on facebook!!!
The bank won't give me a mortgage due to my low salary ( dropped 500€ month /net since 2014!!!)
I'm paying over 800€ month for a 2 bed flat. My kids love it and i feel happy there.
I can't invest in a flat so it's wasted money!
Every bank has turned me down.
I have to dip into my savings every month!
My car needs all the shocks/discs replacing. Big bill!!!
I'm fed up with drivers treating other road users as targets!
Thursday morning rush hour. Doing 90kmh( speed limit). Driver behind can't overtake.
At roundabout she mounts the grass verge, undertakes, brakes suddenly to block me then cuts up driver already on roundabout.
Friday tanker driver pulls out at last minute from side road on dual carraigeway ( 110 kmh) causing me to hit brakes so hard ABS works!!!
He then straddles both lanes at 50 kmh for 1km to stop me overtaking!!!
Friday evening motorcylist can't get past me on narrow country road. He flashes me. I wasn't going to move over due to narrowness and ditch close to the road. There's a long line of traffic in front of me anyway!!
He overtakes causing lorry to brake coming other way pulls alongside me and kicks my car door, pulls out something metallic and throws it at my window.
Before i can grab my phone to photo him he accelerates and at next junction jumps the red light!!!!
Friday near my home town not one but three cars jump the red lights i'm stopped at, the last driver throws the contents of his ash tray out the window!!!
Sat morning on way to gym woman in DS4 doesn't like me driving at 70kmh in town, can't overtake so at next red light her boyfriend jumps out and totally flips. He's screaming that no one holds up his girlfriend because he'll burn down their house and slit their throat!!!
She then overtakes in the town centre.
Later on i pop into the chemists. She's the
assistant pharmacist. I confront her and she denies the whole thing smiling sweetly!!!
What turns people into psychotic enraged drivers? Why do they use their cars to intimidate fellow drivers?
I'd had enough so i drunk too much and took too many paracétamol. I got into à argument with 2 guys who were pushing around/ insulting 2 women outside the cinema. One tried to hit me so all the anger inside me burst out and i decked him. His mate kicked me from behind and as i went down kneed me.
The women didn't bother to help me and even called me a 'bloody anglais'.
I panicked and called a taxi to take me to local. A&E.
The women called the police and blamed me for the disturbance!
The good things that happened last week:
1.my daughter told me she loved me everyday and on Friday said i was the best dad in the world.
2. My sixth form bac class all passed their Cambridge EFL exams ( i prepared them). Another 100% pass for my students.
3. I went to the gym 3x and beat my record for the cross bike ( 50 mins).
4. I lifted 50kg in said gym. 3x 20 reps.
5.I wrote 2600 words of my manuscript ( i prefer to write since i can get the words down faster when i'm inspired!)
6. I bought the trainee maths teacher a coffee, calmed her down and reassured her ( she'd had a bad lesson and her colleagues found it funny!)
7. I braked for a hedgehog that crossed the road Tuesday night!!!!
8.I made my first cup cakes for my daughter!
9. I advised a student i teach to apply for Yale uni. She's only 15 but aleady in year 11!!!
10. I read Max Hasting's ' All hell let loose' in one week!
Finally, i managed to sleep 6 hours weds. Normally it's only 4-5 per night.
1.my daughter told me she loved me everyday and on Friday said i was the best dad in the world.
2. My sixth form bac class all passed their Cambridge EFL exams ( i prepared them). Another 100% pass for my students.
3. I went to the gym 3x and beat my record for the cross bike ( 50 mins).
4. I lifted 50kg in said gym. 3x 20 reps.
5.I wrote 2600 words of my manuscript ( i prefer to write since i can get the words down faster when i'm inspired!)
6. I bought the trainee maths teacher a coffee, calmed her down and reassured her ( she'd had a bad lesson and her colleagues found it funny!)
7. I braked for a hedgehog that crossed the road Tuesday night!!!!
8.I made my first cup cakes for my daughter!
9. I advised a student i teach to apply for Yale uni. She's only 15 but aleady in year 11!!!
10. I read Max Hasting's ' All hell let loose' in one week!
Finally, i managed to sleep 6 hours weds. Normally it's only 4-5 per night.
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 25th September 16:05
Hi there. Thanks for replying. I was beginning to think that this thread was getting a bit long in the tooth and had run out of steam!!!!!
Seriously though i'm making a real effort to think positively. When faced with a negative situation i mentally turn it around to view it from another angle. Why's my boss giving me a hard time? Because she can't have kids and is secretly jealous.
I bought the headmistress a coffee at the staff coffee machine last Wednesday. She said thankyou, other teachers were itching to buy her one but i was quickest on the draw, but then she talked over me when i started a conversation about coffee in France and ignored me the rest of the week!!!
The parent teachers committee basically told her to allow a native speaking English teacher to go on the 6th form trip to New York end October. The head of the committee wanted me to go since i teach the students. Her friend, my boss the head of English is going but her friends in the school aren't allowed ( school accountant, maths teacher, sports teacher etc) as they don't teach the students going on the trip.
Consequently, I've been cold shouldered by a large majority of the teaching staff since my participation on this trip was confirmed by the head of the parent/ teachers association.
I say hello each morning to the said teachers i bump into but most ignore me. They don't even acknowledge my prescence and won't shake my hand even when i offer mine first!
Strange things have been happening lately as well;
I had coca cola poured on my car windows and blobs of chewing gum stuck to the windscreen wipers whilst my car was parked in the 6th form car park. Someone had also informed the school guardian that i was seen driving dangerously into the car park. I got a ticking off!
I put up a message on the staff notice board in the teacher's room listing the various incidents with a note warning the culprits of my intention to inform the parent's/teachers association.
Someone drew a pig's head with blood dripping from it and ink spots all over the note!!!!!
Someone else had put glue into my locker in the staff room so i couldn't get into it. The school technician managed to open it and found 4 crushed coffee cups and a load of empty crisp packets/chocolate bar wrappers inside!!
Chocolate was also smeared on the door handle of my main classroom!!!!
I left a pile of fresh photocopies on a table in the staff room whilst i popped to the toilet, and oops someone then dumped coffee all over them in the 2 minutes i was absent!!!
My daughter spotted some drawing pins and nails right by my front tyres on Monday evening. They had obviously been placed there since they were standing on their heads with the spikes pointing upwards!!! Just a coincidence maybe!!!!!!
The headmistress told me to take photos and promised she would look into it!!!
Yesterday evening as i was leaving the 6th form i found the contents of a car's ashtray had been emptied onto the bonnet of my car along with some well used/sticky tissues jamned under the windscreen wipers!!!!!!
A group of teachers chatting in the car park had of course seen nothing suspicious!!!!
I've noted down everything and taken photos.
Seriously though i'm making a real effort to think positively. When faced with a negative situation i mentally turn it around to view it from another angle. Why's my boss giving me a hard time? Because she can't have kids and is secretly jealous.
I bought the headmistress a coffee at the staff coffee machine last Wednesday. She said thankyou, other teachers were itching to buy her one but i was quickest on the draw, but then she talked over me when i started a conversation about coffee in France and ignored me the rest of the week!!!
The parent teachers committee basically told her to allow a native speaking English teacher to go on the 6th form trip to New York end October. The head of the committee wanted me to go since i teach the students. Her friend, my boss the head of English is going but her friends in the school aren't allowed ( school accountant, maths teacher, sports teacher etc) as they don't teach the students going on the trip.
Consequently, I've been cold shouldered by a large majority of the teaching staff since my participation on this trip was confirmed by the head of the parent/ teachers association.
I say hello each morning to the said teachers i bump into but most ignore me. They don't even acknowledge my prescence and won't shake my hand even when i offer mine first!
Strange things have been happening lately as well;
I had coca cola poured on my car windows and blobs of chewing gum stuck to the windscreen wipers whilst my car was parked in the 6th form car park. Someone had also informed the school guardian that i was seen driving dangerously into the car park. I got a ticking off!
I put up a message on the staff notice board in the teacher's room listing the various incidents with a note warning the culprits of my intention to inform the parent's/teachers association.
Someone drew a pig's head with blood dripping from it and ink spots all over the note!!!!!
Someone else had put glue into my locker in the staff room so i couldn't get into it. The school technician managed to open it and found 4 crushed coffee cups and a load of empty crisp packets/chocolate bar wrappers inside!!
Chocolate was also smeared on the door handle of my main classroom!!!!
I left a pile of fresh photocopies on a table in the staff room whilst i popped to the toilet, and oops someone then dumped coffee all over them in the 2 minutes i was absent!!!
My daughter spotted some drawing pins and nails right by my front tyres on Monday evening. They had obviously been placed there since they were standing on their heads with the spikes pointing upwards!!! Just a coincidence maybe!!!!!!
The headmistress told me to take photos and promised she would look into it!!!
Yesterday evening as i was leaving the 6th form i found the contents of a car's ashtray had been emptied onto the bonnet of my car along with some well used/sticky tissues jamned under the windscreen wipers!!!!!!
A group of teachers chatting in the car park had of course seen nothing suspicious!!!!
I've noted down everything and taken photos.
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 1st October 08:08
A dashcam is certainly on my list of priorities.
As for finding the culprits i've narrowed it down to a group of 15-20 regular smokers who include the boss, several of her friends and the school accountant.
All this harrassment has added to my stress levels which is giving me sleepless nights.
I feel that generally i've got stuck in a rut and my life has no purpose. Why do i give 100% every day and still get crap and hassle from people?
Well not exactly since the only reason i'm still working where i am is to give my daughter an excellent education.
That and the fact i can't get a better job elsewhere and foreigners here have limited career opportunities here in France.
I thought writing a book might get my adrenaline flowing and give me the motivation to do something with my life. I've been trying and writing down the words clears my mind, but leaves me feeling exhausted.
I worry all the time about the future. I know that's adding to the stress when i should be just focusing on the present but when i see my savings dwindling away every month, my salary doesn't even cover my basic monthly outgoings, and my predicted pension fund will only allow me to retire on 450€ a month, i seriously wonder where the hell my life went wrong!
The key word here is CONFIDENCE. I'm lacking in that. You and i know the reasons for that so the question is how can i improve my confidence so that i have enough self belief to be to something concrete to change my current situation?
I know what i don't want. I absolutely don't want to stay in the school where i'm now or be renting the same appartment in 5 years time. My daughter's in the equivalent of year 9 so she's got 5 more years to go including this one.
I've got 5 years to plan and work towards something else.
When i read other users threads on jobs and enmployment where they tell us that just sort of fell into a job by chance but still managed to achieve a financially confortable existance good for them. They perhaps worked hard or got extremely lucky. However, we all realise that the days of long term careers are probably over and more and more of us will have to go self employed. Those who choose the right line of work also get lucky. Those who choose the poorly paid or emigrate, as in my case, choose to follow their passion to the detriment of a financially confortable existence.
If you don't choose to work in hi tech, IT, finance, sales or engineering these days, or inherit a load of money then life's going to be rough.
Society and the media pressure constantly focuses on successful people, those who despite all the hardships did something with their lives. That's excellent for them but not so good for those of us who aren't career orientated or lack the personal drive and motivation. What about those lacking the skills to adapt to the workplace. I love using my laptop and feel comfortable using it but that's not the same thing as knowing how to use it to make money.
Money doesn't make people happier, and it can never replace having a wonderful relationship with your children but it definitely makes modern life much easier because it gives you the freedom to enjoy the pleasurable aspects of life ( fast cars, exotic holidays) and takes away the financial worry.
How do people find the 'get up and go' that drives them on?
I'm definitely not lazy and i can be extremely hard working i just don't have the self esteem and mental confidence that probably drives the winners on.
I love my children and i know i'm extremely lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them. But what's going to happen when they've both left home in less than 5 year's time?
As for finding the culprits i've narrowed it down to a group of 15-20 regular smokers who include the boss, several of her friends and the school accountant.
All this harrassment has added to my stress levels which is giving me sleepless nights.
I feel that generally i've got stuck in a rut and my life has no purpose. Why do i give 100% every day and still get crap and hassle from people?
Well not exactly since the only reason i'm still working where i am is to give my daughter an excellent education.
That and the fact i can't get a better job elsewhere and foreigners here have limited career opportunities here in France.
I thought writing a book might get my adrenaline flowing and give me the motivation to do something with my life. I've been trying and writing down the words clears my mind, but leaves me feeling exhausted.
I worry all the time about the future. I know that's adding to the stress when i should be just focusing on the present but when i see my savings dwindling away every month, my salary doesn't even cover my basic monthly outgoings, and my predicted pension fund will only allow me to retire on 450€ a month, i seriously wonder where the hell my life went wrong!
The key word here is CONFIDENCE. I'm lacking in that. You and i know the reasons for that so the question is how can i improve my confidence so that i have enough self belief to be to something concrete to change my current situation?
I know what i don't want. I absolutely don't want to stay in the school where i'm now or be renting the same appartment in 5 years time. My daughter's in the equivalent of year 9 so she's got 5 more years to go including this one.
I've got 5 years to plan and work towards something else.
When i read other users threads on jobs and enmployment where they tell us that just sort of fell into a job by chance but still managed to achieve a financially confortable existance good for them. They perhaps worked hard or got extremely lucky. However, we all realise that the days of long term careers are probably over and more and more of us will have to go self employed. Those who choose the right line of work also get lucky. Those who choose the poorly paid or emigrate, as in my case, choose to follow their passion to the detriment of a financially confortable existence.
If you don't choose to work in hi tech, IT, finance, sales or engineering these days, or inherit a load of money then life's going to be rough.
Society and the media pressure constantly focuses on successful people, those who despite all the hardships did something with their lives. That's excellent for them but not so good for those of us who aren't career orientated or lack the personal drive and motivation. What about those lacking the skills to adapt to the workplace. I love using my laptop and feel comfortable using it but that's not the same thing as knowing how to use it to make money.
Money doesn't make people happier, and it can never replace having a wonderful relationship with your children but it definitely makes modern life much easier because it gives you the freedom to enjoy the pleasurable aspects of life ( fast cars, exotic holidays) and takes away the financial worry.
How do people find the 'get up and go' that drives them on?
I'm definitely not lazy and i can be extremely hard working i just don't have the self esteem and mental confidence that probably drives the winners on.
I love my children and i know i'm extremely lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them. But what's going to happen when they've both left home in less than 5 year's time?
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 2nd October 07:28
don4l said:
rosbif77 said:
If you read through my lifestory above there's always been something that goes wrong just when life was getting better for me. I don't know if it's a question of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, sheer bad luck or something else, but whatever it is i must be jinxed!
All that suffering and lack of love/support during the bad times led me to confort eat to ease the pain. It's been a continual vicious circle;when you see yourself in the mirror after binge drinking or gorging on sugary stuff you feel so down you just wanna reach for another bottle/cake!
Has anyone on here been through a similar situation and if so how did they get out of it?
I arrived in the UK with £5.11 in my pocket. I slept rough the first night.All that suffering and lack of love/support during the bad times led me to confort eat to ease the pain. It's been a continual vicious circle;when you see yourself in the mirror after binge drinking or gorging on sugary stuff you feel so down you just wanna reach for another bottle/cake!
Has anyone on here been through a similar situation and if so how did they get out of it?
Fortunately, I was utterly unaware of my own limitations. So it was easy to take things on.
Confidence is key.
Take a blank sheet of paper. Write down your strong points. You can take several days to do this. One a day is fine.
I promise that you will surprise yourself.
rosbif77 said:
No comments about 'manning up or tough or out' because that's all i got from my dad and it didn't stop another disaster from happening!
Comments like that don't help at all. All they do is damage your confidence.The reason i ask is that i devour a huge amount a books every year and i particularly enjoy reading rags to riches stories or how famous, successful people got to where they are today. I don't like the tacky, self promotion, 'i'm talented anyway' stuff more the stories revealing the psychological profile of the person, how they overcame the odds and what type of person they really are/were.
Absolutely shattered and the morale has gone tonight. I'll explain:
Checked my pigeon hole this morning and found my latest pay slip. Massive shock when i saw my net salary. Just over 1700€! Lower than my first wage back in September 2005!
I rushed to see the school accountant assuming it was an accounting error!
Not at all. The accountant told me she had paid me conforming to the wishes of the new president of the European section who employs me.
Background: i'm employed by a small company ( who run the European section) who employ 9 anglo-saxon teachers who teach English, history in English, Cambridge EFL exams, teach the TOEIC, as well as teaching the baccalauréat. The French educational authorities allow these privately run companies to operate in French private schools because the teachers are highly qualified/experienced in their own countries but they haven't passed the French teaching qualification. This is extremely difficult to get and the rumour is that the examiners automatically mark down English language foreigners taking the English exam due to them having an unfair advantage!!!!
The schools get excellent teachers on the cheap( we don't get increment payments or bonuses like our state employed colleagues) although we teach half classes, use hi tech gadgets, and have parental support.
My boss told me that the new president of the company cut my salary since i don't have a French qualification, and the section has lost pupils. The boss is supposed to market the section to attract new pupils but does the minimum. The headmistress tolerates the European section since our students are generally of excellent quality, but she would love to close the section since she's anti-British!! The parents won't let her as they know certain teachers are outstanding.
My boss told me to shut up, accept the pay cut, and remember that my daughter is getting an excellent education in the attached secondary school.
She said ' if you choose to leave because you think your salary is too low, then good luck in the current economic climate getting a better one. Don't forget that you get to see your daughter everyday at the moment. If you left so would your daughter. Then you wouldn't see her everyday!!!'
I told her straight what i thought of that'!
Her reply:
' are you really going to throw away your daughter's future because i told the président, who's a friend of mine by the way, to cut your salary?'
I'm a good if not excellent teacher. I've worked really hard the past 12 years and hundreds of my students have achieved fantastic results.
Yet what do i get for all that? 600€/month less than 2 years ago!!!
The divorce was bad enough. It's my boss who has made things worse since she was appointed 2 years ago!
All i wanted was time to get over my divorce and rebuild my life with my children. Financially it was tough but i managed. My boss actions have worsened my financial situation and consequently put at risk my ability to see my daughtereveryday.
The ex wants to limit my access, she won't contribute to the fuel costs of taking our daughter to school everyday ( as agreed in the divorce contract), she wants a court fight to kill me financially, and the MIL can't wait to get her claws into my daughter!!!!
I love teaching my students in the school. The parents have confidence in me and often thank me. Unfortunately they have no say on the financial side of things.
I just don't know what to do. My boss wants me out probably due to jealousy and hating men ( another feminist man hater! Rings a Bell?).
I went for a walk around the school during the lunch break. It felt invigorating to be standing in the sun looking up at the clear blue sky!!
I'm trying to focus on living now and enjoying the moment and not worrying about the future.
I couldn't give a st about any of the other teachers in my school since not one of them has supported me or taken the slightest interest in my wellbeing! I say hello and buy them coffees but they ignore me the rest of the day, or talk over me when i start a conversation!
Bloody ignorant and rude!!!
I spent the afternoon break scribbling away in the notebook i carry and writing in anger.
I'm absolutely fed up with bullying, vindictive, faceless, hypocrites who try to ruin other people's lives!
There, i've got that off my chest! Feel better now.
Checked my pigeon hole this morning and found my latest pay slip. Massive shock when i saw my net salary. Just over 1700€! Lower than my first wage back in September 2005!
I rushed to see the school accountant assuming it was an accounting error!
Not at all. The accountant told me she had paid me conforming to the wishes of the new president of the European section who employs me.
Background: i'm employed by a small company ( who run the European section) who employ 9 anglo-saxon teachers who teach English, history in English, Cambridge EFL exams, teach the TOEIC, as well as teaching the baccalauréat. The French educational authorities allow these privately run companies to operate in French private schools because the teachers are highly qualified/experienced in their own countries but they haven't passed the French teaching qualification. This is extremely difficult to get and the rumour is that the examiners automatically mark down English language foreigners taking the English exam due to them having an unfair advantage!!!!
The schools get excellent teachers on the cheap( we don't get increment payments or bonuses like our state employed colleagues) although we teach half classes, use hi tech gadgets, and have parental support.
My boss told me that the new president of the company cut my salary since i don't have a French qualification, and the section has lost pupils. The boss is supposed to market the section to attract new pupils but does the minimum. The headmistress tolerates the European section since our students are generally of excellent quality, but she would love to close the section since she's anti-British!! The parents won't let her as they know certain teachers are outstanding.
My boss told me to shut up, accept the pay cut, and remember that my daughter is getting an excellent education in the attached secondary school.
She said ' if you choose to leave because you think your salary is too low, then good luck in the current economic climate getting a better one. Don't forget that you get to see your daughter everyday at the moment. If you left so would your daughter. Then you wouldn't see her everyday!!!'
I told her straight what i thought of that'!
Her reply:
' are you really going to throw away your daughter's future because i told the président, who's a friend of mine by the way, to cut your salary?'
I'm a good if not excellent teacher. I've worked really hard the past 12 years and hundreds of my students have achieved fantastic results.
Yet what do i get for all that? 600€/month less than 2 years ago!!!
The divorce was bad enough. It's my boss who has made things worse since she was appointed 2 years ago!
All i wanted was time to get over my divorce and rebuild my life with my children. Financially it was tough but i managed. My boss actions have worsened my financial situation and consequently put at risk my ability to see my daughtereveryday.
The ex wants to limit my access, she won't contribute to the fuel costs of taking our daughter to school everyday ( as agreed in the divorce contract), she wants a court fight to kill me financially, and the MIL can't wait to get her claws into my daughter!!!!
I love teaching my students in the school. The parents have confidence in me and often thank me. Unfortunately they have no say on the financial side of things.
I just don't know what to do. My boss wants me out probably due to jealousy and hating men ( another feminist man hater! Rings a Bell?).
I went for a walk around the school during the lunch break. It felt invigorating to be standing in the sun looking up at the clear blue sky!!
I'm trying to focus on living now and enjoying the moment and not worrying about the future.
I couldn't give a s
t about any of the other teachers in my school since not one of them has supported me or taken the slightest interest in my wellbeing! I say hello and buy them coffees but they ignore me the rest of the day, or talk over me when i start a conversation!Bloody ignorant and rude!!!
I spent the afternoon break scribbling away in the notebook i carry and writing in anger.
I'm absolutely fed up with bullying, vindictive, faceless, hypocrites who try to ruin other people's lives!
There, i've got that off my chest! Feel better now.
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 20:42
The justification is that the contract i signed in September 2005 was to teach between 19 and 21 hours a week. From 2006 to 2013 i was teaching 24-26 hours a week without my original contract being modified. Under French law there's a loophole where companies working in an educational environment employing less than 10 people can modify working hours on an annual basis.
I saw the union rep who told me it's a legal grey area. I wasn't complaining for all those years since i was on a reasonable monthly wage by French standards.
According to the school accountant the new president is just respecting to the letter the terms of the original contract (19-21h weekly teaching timetable).
The problem is that newer teachers who've joined in the past 2 years are being paid a higher hourly rate than me. Surprise, surprise, the boss loves them!!!
The boss hired 2 female teachers. Both Canadian. Aged 30 and 35. Both unmarried.
Just a Canadian teaching degree. No previous expérience of teaching the baccalauréat.Both earn 2000€/month for 18h week teaching.
I get 1700€ for 20h week. I have a PGCE, TEFL and 12 years teaching expérience of the baccalauréat. 100% pass rate every year.
2 other teachers who joined in. 2012 and 2013 get paid 2200€ week for 20h.
My American colleague who's been in the school since 2004 ( 1 year before i arrived) is paid 2400€ month for 18h week. He originally got paid 2200 € but received a pay rise in September!!
The lowest earner is on 1600€ for 18h a week.
Each teacher is on a different hourly rate, some have had pay rises, but only me has had a pay cut since my hourly rate is the lowest and i've had a drop in my weekly teaching
hours from 26 to 20 in the past two years.
The bosses favourite teacher went from being paid 1800€ week in 2013 to 2300€ week this year due to teaching 18h a week and organising a lunchtime music club!!!! She's only 28 and no PGCE, , just a French degree in history!!! She rents one of the bosses houses!!!
I saw the union rep who told me it's a legal grey area. I wasn't complaining for all those years since i was on a reasonable monthly wage by French standards.
According to the school accountant the new president is just respecting to the letter the terms of the original contract (19-21h weekly teaching timetable).
The problem is that newer teachers who've joined in the past 2 years are being paid a higher hourly rate than me. Surprise, surprise, the boss loves them!!!
The boss hired 2 female teachers. Both Canadian. Aged 30 and 35. Both unmarried.
Just a Canadian teaching degree. No previous expérience of teaching the baccalauréat.Both earn 2000€/month for 18h week teaching.
I get 1700€ for 20h week. I have a PGCE, TEFL and 12 years teaching expérience of the baccalauréat. 100% pass rate every year.
2 other teachers who joined in. 2012 and 2013 get paid 2200€ week for 20h.
My American colleague who's been in the school since 2004 ( 1 year before i arrived) is paid 2400€ month for 18h week. He originally got paid 2200 € but received a pay rise in September!!
The lowest earner is on 1600€ for 18h a week.
Each teacher is on a different hourly rate, some have had pay rises, but only me has had a pay cut since my hourly rate is the lowest and i've had a drop in my weekly teaching
hours from 26 to 20 in the past two years.
The bosses favourite teacher went from being paid 1800€ week in 2013 to 2300€ week this year due to teaching 18h a week and organising a lunchtime music club!!!! She's only 28 and no PGCE, , just a French degree in history!!! She rents one of the bosses houses!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 21:21
I've already tried elsewhere. Other private schools proposed just 1500 to 1800€ for 18h a week but only on a temporary 12 month contract!
The Brexit vote has changed the atmosphère over here. Salaries for anglo-saxons working in EFL business English schools and private schools are being frozen or pushed down.
Lots of schools are reinforcing the ideof French jobs for French people with French degrees!
The Brexit vote has changed the atmosphère over here. Salaries for anglo-saxons working in EFL business English schools and private schools are being frozen or pushed down.
Lots of schools are reinforcing the ideof French jobs for French people with French degrees!
The fact is i'm now being paid the second lowest salary in the company even though i'm the 3rd most experienced teacher.
Teacher 1 : joined 2003. Salary 2600€ for 20h weekly timetable.
Teacher 2 : joined 2004. Salary 2400€ for 18h week.
Teacher 3 ( me!): joined 2005. Salary 1700€ ( before 2300-2500h for 24-26h ) for 20h weekly timetable!!!!!
I only discovered the different hourly rates last year!!!!!
Teacher 1 : joined 2003. Salary 2600€ for 20h weekly timetable.
Teacher 2 : joined 2004. Salary 2400€ for 18h week.
Teacher 3 ( me!): joined 2005. Salary 1700€ ( before 2300-2500h for 24-26h ) for 20h weekly timetable!!!!!
I only discovered the different hourly rates last year!!!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 21:38
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 4th October 21:39
Thanks for the advice everyone. I realise i'm at a crossroads in my life. In fact i've been standing at the crossroads since getting divorced in February 2015. I've been putting all my time, energy, finances into my children because i love them so much, out of guilt for the suffering the divorce caused, and because having lost everything material with the divorce the only thing i have left are my kids.
Those on here who've been through the experience know what it feels like to be treated like st by the in laws, long term close friends who choose sides and even colleagues who treat you like you've got an infectious disease!!!
All my life i've been a loner. I really don't trust people and hide this solitary existence by constantly cracking jokes, making my students laugh, being really at ease in public or when i meet new people.
Outwardly others tell me i come across as friendly, accessible, confident and easy to get to know. Inwardly i'm constantly worrying about how people view me. Total lack of self esteem.
So many times i was close to being drowned, beaten to a pulp, crushed whilst
at school, or so many things have gone wrong at the wrong time, or people i loved have died, that i just believe i'm jinxed. Ok perhaps I'm exaggerating but all i want is my kids to have a better life than me.
I was feeling so down today i didn't eat breakfast or lunch. Tonight i said to myself ' stop feeling so bloody miserable'. I went to carrefour and bought myself a ticket for the Mondial de l'automobile (Paris car show). I'm going Saturday.
Just cooked a steak, some delicious veggies, now blasting out some hard rock ( Def Leppard!!).
That'll clear the mind!!!!!
Those on here who've been through the experience know what it feels like to be treated like s
t by the in laws, long term close friends who choose sides and even colleagues who treat you like you've got an infectious disease!!!All my life i've been a loner. I really don't trust people and hide this solitary existence by constantly cracking jokes, making my students laugh, being really at ease in public or when i meet new people.
Outwardly others tell me i come across as friendly, accessible, confident and easy to get to know. Inwardly i'm constantly worrying about how people view me. Total lack of self esteem.
So many times i was close to being drowned, beaten to a pulp, crushed whilst
at school, or so many things have gone wrong at the wrong time, or people i loved have died, that i just believe i'm jinxed. Ok perhaps I'm exaggerating but all i want is my kids to have a better life than me.
I was feeling so down today i didn't eat breakfast or lunch. Tonight i said to myself ' stop feeling so bloody miserable'. I went to carrefour and bought myself a ticket for the Mondial de l'automobile (Paris car show). I'm going Saturday.
Just cooked a steak, some delicious veggies, now blasting out some hard rock ( Def Leppard!!).
That'll clear the mind!!!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Thursday 6th October 20:10
My dad did everything possible to put me off wanting to be a writer!! I remember every Friday night my dad would take me and my sister to the local public library. I would borrow the maximum number of books allowed: action adventure, westerns, thrillers, anything that would allow me to escape for a couple of hours everynight from the daily nightmare of school!! I was always tired!!Frantically reading with a torch under the bedsheets, scribbling away in my small notebook i kept hidden under the floorboard!!!!
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