Emotional eating and being unlucky in life?
Discussion
Thanks for the support ELUSIVEJIM. It's something i'm lacking over here!
My dad's death has left me with mixed feelings. Firstly, a terrible sadness that i've now lost my other parent but at the same time it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders! Freedom at last.
Even now i hate myself for having negative thoughts and wondering why i'm so damned unlucky. i know i'm not ( my 2 children) but building up my self esteem takes time.
I'm left with a feeling of solitude, an emptiness that i dont know how to fill. i know i need to get out of my confort zone and get out there and take control of my life, but my life is just the commute, the endless lessons, the marking, marking and more marking, then another commute to get home to an empty flat!!! Thats no life! I know i should MTFU. Loads of PH's have said it. The missing thing is CONFIDENCE. Mine is shot to pieces.
It's like one day i'm up and full of energy with big projects and the adrenaline's pumping, and the next i'm feeling down, sense of hopelessness and asking myself why should i bother!
I've put up a noticeboard with the following phrases in bold letters:
' IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN'
'IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK BUILD A DOOR'.
'BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART'.
'DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY'.
'A BAD DAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A BAD LIFE'.
I make sure i read them every morning and evening to remind myself. It's a lot cheaper than spending a fortune on therapy!
I adore my cat ( who i insisted on taking from the ex who wasn't looking after him). He's been the family cat for the past 13 years but since the ex has taken the house she hasn't bothered with him. I was the only person in the house who he allowed to feed him, carry him and who he enjoying sitting on!!!! He cheers me up and has a habit of knowing when i'm feeling down.
My dad's death has left me with mixed feelings. Firstly, a terrible sadness that i've now lost my other parent but at the same time it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders! Freedom at last.
Even now i hate myself for having negative thoughts and wondering why i'm so damned unlucky. i know i'm not ( my 2 children) but building up my self esteem takes time.
I'm left with a feeling of solitude, an emptiness that i dont know how to fill. i know i need to get out of my confort zone and get out there and take control of my life, but my life is just the commute, the endless lessons, the marking, marking and more marking, then another commute to get home to an empty flat!!! Thats no life! I know i should MTFU. Loads of PH's have said it. The missing thing is CONFIDENCE. Mine is shot to pieces.
It's like one day i'm up and full of energy with big projects and the adrenaline's pumping, and the next i'm feeling down, sense of hopelessness and asking myself why should i bother!
I've put up a noticeboard with the following phrases in bold letters:
' IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN'
'IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK BUILD A DOOR'.
'BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A GRATEFUL HEART'.
'DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY'.
'A BAD DAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A BAD LIFE'.
I make sure i read them every morning and evening to remind myself. It's a lot cheaper than spending a fortune on therapy!
I adore my cat ( who i insisted on taking from the ex who wasn't looking after him). He's been the family cat for the past 13 years but since the ex has taken the house she hasn't bothered with him. I was the only person in the house who he allowed to feed him, carry him and who he enjoying sitting on!!!! He cheers me up and has a habit of knowing when i'm feeling down.
Hi ELUSIVEJIM. I 'm finally getting round to posting on here again after going back to England for my dad's funeral. I took my children and i drove all the way ( just over 2200km there and back in 5. days).
Very moving, loads of stress and a chance to take a whole load of weight of my mind.
There was of course the reading of the will and no surprises there. My sister gets 2 BTL houses +£300000,the step mum the house + all my dad's shares in FT 100, and the other 5 properties go to 3 of my step mum's nieces plus the 2 most valuable properties go to my ex !!!
Yep, you've read it right. My dad left a £385000 house and a Tyne riverside appartment worth another £200000 to the woman who left me and f
ked up my life !!!! That's one hell of an inheritance from her ex father in law.
I had to sit there and listen as the solicitor read out the testement in which my ex was praised for her sense of family values and how much my dad had cared about her.
My sister was praised for being strong in the face of adversity ( she went through a bad divorce), and I finally got a mention at the end ( almost as an afterthought) in which my dad spoke about having lovingly looking after me and encouraging me to stand on my own two feet. According to the text which was read out my dad felt that it wasn't necessary for me to inherit anything from his will since life is not just about money but being honest, kind and loving!!!!
The will contained a shock. The ex French MIL receives 3 sports cars my dad had bought as investments years ago ( Jaguar,Lancia Delta, Porsche turbo). My MIL hates cars by the way!!!
The ex 's new boyfriend also got something: all my dad's stamp album collection dating back to the 1950's.
I get a big fat zero!!
By the way, my sister didn't even stay for the reception and even left without saying bye to me or my children !!!!
Very moving, loads of stress and a chance to take a whole load of weight of my mind.
There was of course the reading of the will and no surprises there. My sister gets 2 BTL houses +£300000,the step mum the house + all my dad's shares in FT 100, and the other 5 properties go to 3 of my step mum's nieces plus the 2 most valuable properties go to my ex !!!
Yep, you've read it right. My dad left a £385000 house and a Tyne riverside appartment worth another £200000 to the woman who left me and f
ked up my life !!!! That's one hell of an inheritance from her ex father in law.I had to sit there and listen as the solicitor read out the testement in which my ex was praised for her sense of family values and how much my dad had cared about her.
My sister was praised for being strong in the face of adversity ( she went through a bad divorce), and I finally got a mention at the end ( almost as an afterthought) in which my dad spoke about having lovingly looking after me and encouraging me to stand on my own two feet. According to the text which was read out my dad felt that it wasn't necessary for me to inherit anything from his will since life is not just about money but being honest, kind and loving!!!!
The will contained a shock. The ex French MIL receives 3 sports cars my dad had bought as investments years ago ( Jaguar,Lancia Delta, Porsche turbo). My MIL hates cars by the way!!!
The ex 's new boyfriend also got something: all my dad's stamp album collection dating back to the 1950's.
I get a big fat zero!!
By the way, my sister didn't even stay for the reception and even left without saying bye to me or my children !!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 08:18
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 08:23
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 08:45
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 11:02
Do you reckon i 've grounds for contesting the will?
The will was changed last year after I got divorced, and was legally binding with 2 doctors stating that my dad was mentally and physically sound and a clause had been inserted ( on my dad's behalf) stating that my dad wasn't under any external pressure to change the previous will.
Hé wanted my ex to inherit my share.
I suppose it's normal that my sister gets a load of cash +2 properties ( to add to the other 2 my dad helped pay for a few years ago!),but has anyone on here heard about /experienced the ex receiving an inheritance from the in laws instead of the son /daughter ?
Any advice on what to do ? It's pretty galling that the French MIL got the cars. Nobody knew about these investments until last Monday.
The 3 cars are : an e type Jaguar (1964), a Lancia Delta evo (1992) and a Porsche 911 turbo (993).
There are also brochures /posters etc. The MIL gets them too.
No idea what she's going to do with them since no one (except my step mum) knew my dad had bought them years ago. The step mum already owns 8 BTL's, art etc and is very well off in her own right financially so she doesn't care about if the ex French MIL gets them.
The will was changed last year after I got divorced, and was legally binding with 2 doctors stating that my dad was mentally and physically sound and a clause had been inserted ( on my dad's behalf) stating that my dad wasn't under any external pressure to change the previous will.
Hé wanted my ex to inherit my share.
I suppose it's normal that my sister gets a load of cash +2 properties ( to add to the other 2 my dad helped pay for a few years ago!),but has anyone on here heard about /experienced the ex receiving an inheritance from the in laws instead of the son /daughter ?
Any advice on what to do ? It's pretty galling that the French MIL got the cars. Nobody knew about these investments until last Monday.
The 3 cars are : an e type Jaguar (1964), a Lancia Delta evo (1992) and a Porsche 911 turbo (993).
There are also brochures /posters etc. The MIL gets them too.
No idea what she's going to do with them since no one (except my step mum) knew my dad had bought them years ago. The step mum already owns 8 BTL's, art etc and is very well off in her own right financially so she doesn't care about if the ex French MIL gets them.
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 09:43
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 11th December 11:24
At the moment I just feel like the world has come crashing down on my head again !!! Everytime i start to gain a bit more self confidence something always comes along to bugger it up !!!
I'm so bitter and angry that once more someone has chosen to kick me when i'm down!
How much more bad luck am I going to get before things turn for me ?
Why of all people does the inheritance have to go to the ex, and gifting the secret stash of cars to the MIL is just rubbing salt into the wound.
When i heard the lines read out whereby the ex and the MIL get my share i thought ' you've got to be fking joking. He can't be serious.! In fact it looks like the joke's on me!
What had I done to deserve that ?
The sister gets another two houses to add to her already very considerable mini property empire, plus a huge amount of cash to further cushion her extremely comfortable existence !!!
She'd already been able to previously buy two BTL's with my dad's help and now she gets another two gifted on a plate !!!
She didn't even bother to stand up for me. She left suddenly and went back to her gilded daily life !
I 'm struggling along trying to make ends meet and have to endure being lectured about standing on my own two feet whilst my share gets given to the very people who, A messed up my life, and B already have more than enough to get by on.
Where's the justice and fairness in all that ???
My share of the inheritance would have given me the chance to considerably improve my life. Leave the school where I work, buy my own place and put away money for my kids. Maybe even come back to England without worrying about starting from scratch again.
The step mum can't help since they'd already split everything and her side of the family will get to inherit from her.
I'm so shellshocked that I just don't want to do anything. I haven't eaten a decent meal since the middle of last week, I can't concentrate, my sleep 's all over the place I can't wait for thé Christmas school holidays to start Friday evening.
I seriously thought that my dad would finally make it up to me and give me the chance to lead a better life through the inheritance. After all outside of winning the lottery the only real occasion most people have of coming into serious money is through inheritance.
I'm so bitter and angry that once more someone has chosen to kick me when i'm down!
How much more bad luck am I going to get before things turn for me ?
Why of all people does the inheritance have to go to the ex, and gifting the secret stash of cars to the MIL is just rubbing salt into the wound.
When i heard the lines read out whereby the ex and the MIL get my share i thought ' you've got to be f
king joking. He can't be serious.! In fact it looks like the joke's on me!What had I done to deserve that ?
The sister gets another two houses to add to her already very considerable mini property empire, plus a huge amount of cash to further cushion her extremely comfortable existence !!!
She'd already been able to previously buy two BTL's with my dad's help and now she gets another two gifted on a plate !!!
She didn't even bother to stand up for me. She left suddenly and went back to her gilded daily life !
I 'm struggling along trying to make ends meet and have to endure being lectured about standing on my own two feet whilst my share gets given to the very people who, A messed up my life, and B already have more than enough to get by on.
Where's the justice and fairness in all that ???
My share of the inheritance would have given me the chance to considerably improve my life. Leave the school where I work, buy my own place and put away money for my kids. Maybe even come back to England without worrying about starting from scratch again.
The step mum can't help since they'd already split everything and her side of the family will get to inherit from her.
I'm so shellshocked that I just don't want to do anything. I haven't eaten a decent meal since the middle of last week, I can't concentrate, my sleep 's all over the place I can't wait for thé Christmas school holidays to start Friday evening.
I seriously thought that my dad would finally make it up to me and give me the chance to lead a better life through the inheritance. After all outside of winning the lottery the only real occasion most people have of coming into serious money is through inheritance.
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 12th December 18:56
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 12th December 19:11
I disagree. In France,like most European countries, you can't disinherit your children.
It was the only way i could've financially escaped from my current situation.
I'm completely demoralised and lacking energy. I just feel like a zombie sleepwalking through the day !
The only bright points are seeing my daughter and the look on my student's faces at the end of the lesson. I can't even face preparing Christmas.
What's the point ?
The ex has already told my daughter she's planning several exotic and very expensive holidays next year, she's going to buy not one but two sports cars as well as a holiday home.
It was the only way i could've financially escaped from my current situation.
I'm completely demoralised and lacking energy. I just feel like a zombie sleepwalking through the day !
The only bright points are seeing my daughter and the look on my student's faces at the end of the lesson. I can't even face preparing Christmas.
What's the point ?
The ex has already told my daughter she's planning several exotic and very expensive holidays next year, she's going to buy not one but two sports cars as well as a holiday home.
Thanks for the links. I've hired a UK lawyer but unfortunately the MIL has already sold the cars ( she didn't hang about!!!). Sold to one Brit and two Americans! The ex won't tell me for how much. The MIL obviously got help to do this since she's not bilingual and knows zero about cars.
Anyone on here know what the cars might've been worth:
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The 2 properties have been put up for sale!!!
Got a French lawyer specialized in European financial laws involving cross border inheritances/taxes etc to look into this for me.
I've also contacted the solicitor's via the lawyer to block everything.
Finally, i went back to work last week. I had to as school head was threatening all sorts of sanctions. I was on exam invigilation duty + exam marking etc. The head of English refused to give me the making scheme/answers to correct the English exam that one of her friends ( an English teacher in the non-International) classes had put together. We're supposed to take it in turns to prepare the mock exams. I did one this time last year so this time it was for my English colleagues to prepare one.
I'd offered my exam anyway but it got ripped to shreds by jealous colleagues ( personal friends of the head of English in the International Section where i teach!). The head of English sent me on a wild goose chase around the school with promises that so and so would be able to give me the answers if i went to see so and so etc!!
I got fed up and demanded the answers ( all exams have to be marked during the christmas hols!)
Except they refuse to give me their answers/marking scheme 'put me in my place'. My boss threatened to cut my teaching hours again next year, told me i was awkward, uncooperative, a waste of time and place. She told me i was basically unwanted, just because my kids were excellent students gave me no reason to ask colleagues for things!!!
In fact when i put her on the spot and demanded to know why i was being deliberately cold shouldered and messed around she got personal ( she does this when she's in the wrong and can't justify her actions). She threatened to tell the new school board of governors that i was causing problems, that her friends in the non-international would support her claims and that consequently she would do everything to reduce my teaching timetable, hence my number of teaching hours, and hence reduce my salary. She told me to bugger off back to the UK, with or without my kids. She swore at me, banged the table and threatened to make my life hell.
One hour later she offered to buy me a coffee in front of other teaching colleagues and wished me a happy Christmas!!
I went to see the union rep in the school and i've got a meeting with the regional union leader next week. I've written down every last word from the one to one meeting and will inform the headmistress in writing as well. I'm making a stand over this.
I need the job since there are no other better jobs out there locally and moving back to the UK isn't an option ( unless i give up my daughter). No win situation!
So to add to the ex trying to get more custody rights, my dad passing away and leaving me out of the will, the ex MIL wasting no time in liquidating her share, i now have the head of English refusing to give me access to pedagogical resources all the other English teachers have access to, so that i can't do my job properly, and then violently attacking me with threats and blackmail!
Happy Christmas! I feel like i seriously fked up when i got married and moved to France 19 years ago.
I'm going to fight this all the way. I'm not allowing a stuck up childless middle aged woman who hates children and is full of spite to destroy my personal life!!
Anyone on here know what the cars might've been worth:
1964 E type Jaguar. Three owners. Roadster.Roughly 70000 miles.
1992 Lancia Delta Evo. One owner from new. 50000 miles?
1995 Porsche 911 turbo ( 993). maybe an 'S. Two owners i think. Mileage about 100000.
The 2 properties have been put up for sale!!!
Got a French lawyer specialized in European financial laws involving cross border inheritances/taxes etc to look into this for me.
I've also contacted the solicitor's via the lawyer to block everything.
Finally, i went back to work last week. I had to as school head was threatening all sorts of sanctions. I was on exam invigilation duty + exam marking etc. The head of English refused to give me the making scheme/answers to correct the English exam that one of her friends ( an English teacher in the non-International) classes had put together. We're supposed to take it in turns to prepare the mock exams. I did one this time last year so this time it was for my English colleagues to prepare one.
I'd offered my exam anyway but it got ripped to shreds by jealous colleagues ( personal friends of the head of English in the International Section where i teach!). The head of English sent me on a wild goose chase around the school with promises that so and so would be able to give me the answers if i went to see so and so etc!!
I got fed up and demanded the answers ( all exams have to be marked during the christmas hols!)
Except they refuse to give me their answers/marking scheme 'put me in my place'. My boss threatened to cut my teaching hours again next year, told me i was awkward, uncooperative, a waste of time and place. She told me i was basically unwanted, just because my kids were excellent students gave me no reason to ask colleagues for things!!!
In fact when i put her on the spot and demanded to know why i was being deliberately cold shouldered and messed around she got personal ( she does this when she's in the wrong and can't justify her actions). She threatened to tell the new school board of governors that i was causing problems, that her friends in the non-international would support her claims and that consequently she would do everything to reduce my teaching timetable, hence my number of teaching hours, and hence reduce my salary. She told me to bugger off back to the UK, with or without my kids. She swore at me, banged the table and threatened to make my life hell.
One hour later she offered to buy me a coffee in front of other teaching colleagues and wished me a happy Christmas!!
I went to see the union rep in the school and i've got a meeting with the regional union leader next week. I've written down every last word from the one to one meeting and will inform the headmistress in writing as well. I'm making a stand over this.
I need the job since there are no other better jobs out there locally and moving back to the UK isn't an option ( unless i give up my daughter). No win situation!
So to add to the ex trying to get more custody rights, my dad passing away and leaving me out of the will, the ex MIL wasting no time in liquidating her share, i now have the head of English refusing to give me access to pedagogical resources all the other English teachers have access to, so that i can't do my job properly, and then violently attacking me with threats and blackmail!
Happy Christmas! I feel like i seriously f
ked up when i got married and moved to France 19 years ago. I'm going to fight this all the way. I'm not allowing a stuck up childless middle aged woman who hates children and is full of spite to destroy my personal life!!
Can anyone tell me why all my life I've been at the mercy of the same type of bullying, vindictive, nasty manipulative person. My dad, the bullys at school, teachers and head in England, my boss in car showroom, the MIL, the ex, and now the head of the English dept where i work.
I've met loads of decent, generous, honest types throughout my life yet not one of them was in a position of authority.
I've yet to come across a boss, head of dept, head of year who treats me correctly and fairly.
I just don't get it. It must be me! I've always tried to get in with people, I never went out of my way to abuse /humiliate /crush anyone.
I guess in this world nice guys just don't win.
Why is it that a position of authority automatically brings out the worst in someone?
Why do people have to take advantage of someone else's perceived weaknesses?
Is it because all those who've made my life a misery have been either jealous, felt threatened or did it to hide their own fragility?
I've met loads of decent, generous, honest types throughout my life yet not one of them was in a position of authority.
I've yet to come across a boss, head of dept, head of year who treats me correctly and fairly.
I just don't get it. It must be me! I've always tried to get in with people, I never went out of my way to abuse /humiliate /crush anyone.
I guess in this world nice guys just don't win.
Why is it that a position of authority automatically brings out the worst in someone?
Why do people have to take advantage of someone else's perceived weaknesses?
Is it because all those who've made my life a misery have been either jealous, felt threatened or did it to hide their own fragility?
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 17th December 19:56
Do you know what emotion has ruled, dominated my life ? FEAR. That primieval emotion that keeps us alive.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'fkin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.
All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying teagically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What's so different to mine ?
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the st.
Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'f
kin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying teagically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What's so different to mine ?
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the s
t.Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
rosbif77 said:
Do you know what emotion has ruled, dominated my life ? FEAR. That primieval emotion that keeps us alive.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'fkin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.
All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying tragically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What makes line so special?
When you love someone you put yourself at risk of losing that person.
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the st.
Fear means that I tell my kids everyday how much I love them.because I don't want to lose them.
Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong. You just have to read through this thread to see chow many times I've had bad luck.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
My whole life has been about fear.
Fear was the feeling I got when my dad was about to whack me for doing something stupid as a kid, the fear of being shouted at, treated as a dumb slow child who didn't understand the first time I was told something, the fear that knotted up my stomach every morning before leaving the house never knowing when the other kids were going to jump me on the way to school, the fear of going to the toilet and wondering if I was going to get half drowned in aa toilet, the fear of lying on the grass while several bigger kids tried to choke me or suffocate me within yards of a classroom, whilst other kids looked on cheering 'f
kin' strangle the bd', the fear of some year 11 guy who wanted to put his dick in me whilst his mate ground my head into the wet concrete floor, the fear of being picked on by the PE teacher and made to run round the playing field again because I finished last, whilst the jeered and insulted me, and then not showering out of fear the same PE teacher was going to grab me in the shower cubicle and 'rough me up aa but'.All that and the fear of telling my dad why I had bloodied knees, elbows, ripped pullover or trousers because all I was going to get was 'man up for Christ's sake and get to your room !'
The fear of loving someone so much that you know you're meant for each over, and then that same person getting killed in a stupid car accident.
I've only ever loved two people other than my children. Both of them ending up dying tragically. My mum on New Years Eve and my fiancée whilst at uni. I never told anyone about her death, not when I married my ex or even my own children. I just learnt over time to keep it bottled up. Tragedies happen everyday around the world. What makes line so special?
When you love someone you put yourself at risk of losing that person.
Fear means i want to keep my children close. Fear of losing custody of my daughter, or not seeing her grow up everyday means i stay in a crap job and take the s
t.Fear means that I tell my kids everyday how much I love them.because I don't want to lose them.
Fear means I remain in my confort zone because my past life tells me that whenever I decide to make a change I always end up with something going wrong. You just have to read through this thread to see chow many times I've had bad luck.
Fear means above all avoid any kind of trouble.
I must 've survived several dozen attempts by the other kids to kill me when i was at school. That sounds horribly dramatic now looking back, but I still wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares of what i endured then. Off course back then it was just viewed as simple acts of bullying which mostly went unpunished. I didn't realise until I was in the sixth form the seriousness of the violence i was subjected to.
Fear probably kept me alive back then. I've seen that animal look in someone's eyes as they were trying to throttle me, crush my head with a fire extinguisher or ram a Stanley knife into my face.
I've felt the breath of someone on my back as they brutally force my head down the toilet and the gurgling as I swallowed the water seeing the bubbles come out of my mouth. The desperate animal fear that if I didn't kick, bite, thump the guys I wasn't coming out of this alive.
I've known fear all my life. It's a fear of failure, a fear of not being in control and seeing my life spiral out of control. A fear of losing what I love the most. A fear of not living.
Quuck update guys.
No legal aid for me due to capital received from divorce settlement + rejected since I've been resident in France since 1997.
My share estimated by lawyer is £585000 (2 properties)+ £250000 ( current market value of the 3 cars)+ shares transferred to ex+car mags/brochures add another £60000.
That's a whopping £900000!!!
That's a lottery winning sum. Life changing!
The lawyer has already uncovered loads of investment accounts going back to the 1980's.
The cars were sold but the sale has been blocked. Export documents blocked by legal team. The money has been frozen pending judgement.
I've hired 2 lawyers. One to contest MIL in France under French law and one to fight will in England under U.K. law.
Both told me to expect the roughest, bloodiest fight of my life.
I've been told that the legal cases could take months if not years if the other side really decides to play dirty. My French lawyer told me about one family who left out their son from the family inheritance and set up dozens of off shore accounts to hide the family's wealth.
It took the son 7 years and €400000 in legal fees to get his share !
Now I'm going to to up against it !!!
No legal aid for me due to capital received from divorce settlement + rejected since I've been resident in France since 1997.
My share estimated by lawyer is £585000 (2 properties)+ £250000 ( current market value of the 3 cars)+ shares transferred to ex+car mags/brochures add another £60000.
That's a whopping £900000!!!
That's a lottery winning sum. Life changing!
The lawyer has already uncovered loads of investment accounts going back to the 1980's.
The cars were sold but the sale has been blocked. Export documents blocked by legal team. The money has been frozen pending judgement.
I've hired 2 lawyers. One to contest MIL in France under French law and one to fight will in England under U.K. law.
Both told me to expect the roughest, bloodiest fight of my life.
I've been told that the legal cases could take months if not years if the other side really decides to play dirty. My French lawyer told me about one family who left out their son from the family inheritance and set up dozens of off shore accounts to hide the family's wealth.
It took the son 7 years and €400000 in legal fees to get his share !
Now I'm going to to up against it !!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Tuesday 20th December 12:03
ÎMy dad took me to see a 'shrink for nutcases ', as he called them, when I was about 14. The guy made me do all sorts of embarrassing and ridiculous things like stand on my hand and count to 50. If I couldn't I had to run round the room till I dropped from exhaustion!
He also made me repeat 'I'm stupid and lazy '. hundreds of times. It was supposed to be like purging the emotional system till all negative thoughts have been 'thrown up '!!!!
This ´specialist ' confirmed my dad's theory that I was just going through a 'funny faze.'
Needless to say none of these 'treatments ' cured me.
Later I told my tutor that the PE teacher had grabbed me whilst I was in the changing room shower and pulled me out naked in front of the other laughing boys. He made me run round the changing room, naked off course, whilst the other boys threw my pants around. He said it was to see if I had the endurance and spirit to overcome adversity.
After the other boys left he touched me up a bit more and threatened to make me clean the boys toilets if I let in to anyone about what had happened.
I told my tutor who brushed it off. I found out much later he was the PE teacher's best mate.
My dad shut me in the attic for 'telling fibs '.
I never spoke to anyone else. Two year 11´s took advantage and would try to yank my trousers down every time they cornered me in the boys toilets. One would throw me to the foor, grind my face into the wet concrete foor, whilst the other pulled down my trousers and pants. I remember kicking, screaming lashing out with an animal like desperation. They would get other year 11 boys to grab me and force my head down the toilet and flush it as many times as possible. I once blacked out and came round to find the science technician making me cough up water.!!!
There wasn't any report made or investigation.
My dad made me wash the car with a toothbrush for telling more fibs !!!
The year 11 guys were prefects so deemed trustworthy and in fact were rewarded by the headmaster in the end of year school awards for their outstanding contribution to school life!!!
I know that I was sent to an anger management specialist due to my violent outbursts. I ended up in detention numerous times. I got bad marks, wouldn't do my homework on time and spent my nights reading thrillers, action/adventure novels i 'borrowed ' from the library /my dad's collection of Readers Digest.
I read all the HG Wells/Jules Verne/Dumas /Alistair Maclean/Edgar Rice Burroughs I could get my hands on, but was in the bottom group in English.
I also read 'War and Peacé in a week but failled every literature class test.
My personal therapy as a way to escape from my daily hell was to write stories.
Off course my dad tried to get that out of my system by ripping up my stories, forcing me to copy out pages and pages from science books and making me cut the grass with a pair of scissors!
One specialist my dad hired put me on a starvation diet. Bread, crackers, lettuce and corned beef for a month.
Every day the other kids would jump in as I hid at the back of the playing field to eat my so called lunch in peace. They'd nick the cakes and pies my mum had secretly baked for me, and try to force feed me the crackers,
One day I nearly ckoked to death. The nurse was called after I stopped breathing. The culprits got off with a warning!
I had counselling after my fiancé died whilst at university. We spoke a lot about death but I never bothered to tell her about the years of abuse because I felt ashamed.
By the way the PE teacher later set up a counseling service for abuse victims using sport as therapy. I remember he owned a Ford Escort Cosworth so must've been raking it in!
I have absolutely zero confidence in so called therapists. Not one I saw ever helped me get over my problems. What they did was make a lot of money !
He also made me repeat 'I'm stupid and lazy '. hundreds of times. It was supposed to be like purging the emotional system till all negative thoughts have been 'thrown up '!!!!
This ´specialist ' confirmed my dad's theory that I was just going through a 'funny faze.'
Needless to say none of these 'treatments ' cured me.
Later I told my tutor that the PE teacher had grabbed me whilst I was in the changing room shower and pulled me out naked in front of the other laughing boys. He made me run round the changing room, naked off course, whilst the other boys threw my pants around. He said it was to see if I had the endurance and spirit to overcome adversity.
After the other boys left he touched me up a bit more and threatened to make me clean the boys toilets if I let in to anyone about what had happened.
I told my tutor who brushed it off. I found out much later he was the PE teacher's best mate.
My dad shut me in the attic for 'telling fibs '.
I never spoke to anyone else. Two year 11´s took advantage and would try to yank my trousers down every time they cornered me in the boys toilets. One would throw me to the foor, grind my face into the wet concrete foor, whilst the other pulled down my trousers and pants. I remember kicking, screaming lashing out with an animal like desperation. They would get other year 11 boys to grab me and force my head down the toilet and flush it as many times as possible. I once blacked out and came round to find the science technician making me cough up water.!!!
There wasn't any report made or investigation.
My dad made me wash the car with a toothbrush for telling more fibs !!!
The year 11 guys were prefects so deemed trustworthy and in fact were rewarded by the headmaster in the end of year school awards for their outstanding contribution to school life!!!
I know that I was sent to an anger management specialist due to my violent outbursts. I ended up in detention numerous times. I got bad marks, wouldn't do my homework on time and spent my nights reading thrillers, action/adventure novels i 'borrowed ' from the library /my dad's collection of Readers Digest.
I read all the HG Wells/Jules Verne/Dumas /Alistair Maclean/Edgar Rice Burroughs I could get my hands on, but was in the bottom group in English.
I also read 'War and Peacé in a week but failled every literature class test.
My personal therapy as a way to escape from my daily hell was to write stories.
Off course my dad tried to get that out of my system by ripping up my stories, forcing me to copy out pages and pages from science books and making me cut the grass with a pair of scissors!
One specialist my dad hired put me on a starvation diet. Bread, crackers, lettuce and corned beef for a month.
Every day the other kids would jump in as I hid at the back of the playing field to eat my so called lunch in peace. They'd nick the cakes and pies my mum had secretly baked for me, and try to force feed me the crackers,
One day I nearly ckoked to death. The nurse was called after I stopped breathing. The culprits got off with a warning!
I had counselling after my fiancé died whilst at university. We spoke a lot about death but I never bothered to tell her about the years of abuse because I felt ashamed.
By the way the PE teacher later set up a counseling service for abuse victims using sport as therapy. I remember he owned a Ford Escort Cosworth so must've been raking it in!
I have absolutely zero confidence in so called therapists. Not one I saw ever helped me get over my problems. What they did was make a lot of money !
Edited by rosbif77 on Thursday 22 December 09:46
Edited by rosbif77 on Thursday 22 December 09:55
My run of bad luck continues.
The clutch on the Laguna failled this morning on the way to do the food shopping. Big bill expected 2 days before Christmas
Got home ( garage lent me a car) to discover my flat's been burgled !
Bye bye all the Christmas prezzies + 3 laptops!!!
The bds took the most valuable stuff. The rooms had been turned over.
No one was present in the appartment block.
Will claim on insurance but Christmas ruined !!
I guess I must be jinxed!!!
The clutch on the Laguna failled this morning on the way to do the food shopping. Big bill expected 2 days before Christmas
Got home ( garage lent me a car) to discover my flat's been burgled !
Bye bye all the Christmas prezzies + 3 laptops!!!
The b
ds took the most valuable stuff. The rooms had been turned over.No one was present in the appartment block.
Will claim on insurance but Christmas ruined !!
I guess I must be jinxed!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Friday 23 December 12:27
Since the unfortunate events I've his morning I've calmed down a bit and I've been pondering over how 'lucky ' people manage to get themselves into seemingly 'lucky ' situations.
Several ex uni friends had things happen to them that gave them a better chance of making their life better.
e.g. one guy went out to buy some bread he'd forgotten to get in the morning. Bought a lottery ticket just before closing time. Won £500000 and bought up 8 flats in advice from lottery company advisor. By doing that he met his future wife whose dad was a property developer. He now owns 60+ flats /houses.
He admits that without that lottery ticket ( going out to buy the loaf) ?his life would've been radically different.
Twice lucky.
Another couple inherited 3 properties from long lost aunt in Canada who disinherited her direct family. She tossed a coin at solicitors to decide who'd get them ! The couple bought more properties using equity gained then sold up last year netting £1.8 million profit. They now own 2 posh restaurants.
They admit that the toss of the coin opened up a world of chance for them.
Was it luck or something else ?
Finally, another ex uni friend was flat broke in 1989. Her family gave her £50000 on her 21st birthday. She was going to buy a sports car but then met the car showroom owner and they ended up marrying. Still together now and own 12 garages and car showrooms. She admits that without the £50000 she would never have gone to the showroom,
She owns 4 Ferrari's now !
Ok all the above either inherited money or won it. Others I know didn't win any money but met someone who gave them access to it. The meeting bit was down to pure chance and once they met that person ( banker dad or mother well known interior designer) they all admit that put them onto the path to a better life.
Hard work was important but without that initial luck nothing would've happened.
The moral of the story is to put yourself in situations where you can meet new people, have an optimistic outlook on life, and take advantage of any opportunities placed in front of you. Hard work comes later. Oh and don't forget to buy that loaf of bread at your local corner shop!
What do you think ? Does luck really exist ?
Several ex uni friends had things happen to them that gave them a better chance of making their life better.
e.g. one guy went out to buy some bread he'd forgotten to get in the morning. Bought a lottery ticket just before closing time. Won £500000 and bought up 8 flats in advice from lottery company advisor. By doing that he met his future wife whose dad was a property developer. He now owns 60+ flats /houses.
He admits that without that lottery ticket ( going out to buy the loaf) ?his life would've been radically different.
Twice lucky.
Another couple inherited 3 properties from long lost aunt in Canada who disinherited her direct family. She tossed a coin at solicitors to decide who'd get them ! The couple bought more properties using equity gained then sold up last year netting £1.8 million profit. They now own 2 posh restaurants.
They admit that the toss of the coin opened up a world of chance for them.
Was it luck or something else ?
Finally, another ex uni friend was flat broke in 1989. Her family gave her £50000 on her 21st birthday. She was going to buy a sports car but then met the car showroom owner and they ended up marrying. Still together now and own 12 garages and car showrooms. She admits that without the £50000 she would never have gone to the showroom,
She owns 4 Ferrari's now !
Ok all the above either inherited money or won it. Others I know didn't win any money but met someone who gave them access to it. The meeting bit was down to pure chance and once they met that person ( banker dad or mother well known interior designer) they all admit that put them onto the path to a better life.
Hard work was important but without that initial luck nothing would've happened.
The moral of the story is to put yourself in situations where you can meet new people, have an optimistic outlook on life, and take advantage of any opportunities placed in front of you. Hard work comes later. Oh and don't forget to buy that loaf of bread at your local corner shop!
What do you think ? Does luck really exist ?
Edited by rosbif77 on Friday 23 December 16:59
Edited by rosbif77 on Friday 23 December 17:03
randlemarcus said:
Stop calling it luck. Its just stuff happening. Sometimes its good stuff, sometimes not so much. Reread what you wrote in the second half of thw post, because that is important and true. Open mind, cheerful outgoing attitude to everything, regardless of the internal wailing and gnashing of teeth, and other people react to that. Try it next time the witch at work reduces your hours. Oh, and give it a crack when the nice lady flic comes to investigate the burglary 
The nice lady flic came round earlier this afternoon. Not your usual detective. Unfortunately married!!![quote=CharlesdeGaulle]I know that I'm going against the flow here, but I'm going to repeat the gist of the comments I've made before. Your 'bad luck' as you call it is not down to anyone but you, and it will not go away with money; if you were rich you'd just have more to have stolen.
Your father's inheritance will not solve your poor self-esteem. The way you regard him I'm surprised you even want his money. Clearly, he didn't want you to have any of it, and it was never yours to expect. Don't waste many thousands on legal fees chasing something that no-one but you thinks you have any entitlement to. That element of your life is driven by greed, avarice and envy and it is in your gift to walk away from it. That legal battle will screw-up your life even more. Write that off and move on.
As for counselling, I disagree with those who rate them as charlatans. Find someone experienced in dealing with PTSD or trauma. Seems to me that you need it more than most. To put it simply, what else are you doing in your life to change it that is likely to be better than professional assistance?
Speaking frankly, your posts make you sound rather self-indugent and weak; show some self-awarenes and make your own life better. No-one will do it except you, so take some personal responsibility - so far all I've heard from you is you blaming someone else, so make that change now. It's a good time of year to make big changes, don't waste it. Good luck. [/quo
Thanks for the encouragement. I didn't enjoy reading certain parts of your post but that's because what you're saying is true.
I'm fed up with having low self esteem
and lacking confidence in myself. That's down to my childhood and my dad. He's gone now so it should be easy shouldn't it?
Secondly I'm missed that I'm in a stressed out commuter town in the Paris suburbs surrounded by aggressive Parisians who think everyone should get out of their way.
Im fed up with doing a 90 mile daily commute for a salary that doesn't even last to the end of the month, and what really pisses me off is that if I dump everything and move elsewhere my daughter loses out.
I do my job but without any enthusiasm. I just go through the motions. Why bother when all I get are successive paycuts?
I hate the blackmailing heads of school who because I'm single, British and don't have any French qualifications treat you like a sub species!
I love my students but hate the staff room atmosphere.
Ok cards on the table time now!
I hate it that I got myself into this position.
'
Your father's inheritance will not solve your poor self-esteem. The way you regard him I'm surprised you even want his money. Clearly, he didn't want you to have any of it, and it was never yours to expect. Don't waste many thousands on legal fees chasing something that no-one but you thinks you have any entitlement to. That element of your life is driven by greed, avarice and envy and it is in your gift to walk away from it. That legal battle will screw-up your life even more. Write that off and move on.
As for counselling, I disagree with those who rate them as charlatans. Find someone experienced in dealing with PTSD or trauma. Seems to me that you need it more than most. To put it simply, what else are you doing in your life to change it that is likely to be better than professional assistance?
Speaking frankly, your posts make you sound rather self-indugent and weak; show some self-awarenes and make your own life better. No-one will do it except you, so take some personal responsibility - so far all I've heard from you is you blaming someone else, so make that change now. It's a good time of year to make big changes, don't waste it. Good luck. [/quo
Thanks for the encouragement. I didn't enjoy reading certain parts of your post but that's because what you're saying is true.
I'm fed up with having low self esteem
and lacking confidence in myself. That's down to my childhood and my dad. He's gone now so it should be easy shouldn't it?
Secondly I'm missed that I'm in a stressed out commuter town in the Paris suburbs surrounded by aggressive Parisians who think everyone should get out of their way.
Im fed up with doing a 90 mile daily commute for a salary that doesn't even last to the end of the month, and what really pisses me off is that if I dump everything and move elsewhere my daughter loses out.
I do my job but without any enthusiasm. I just go through the motions. Why bother when all I get are successive paycuts?
I hate the blackmailing heads of school who because I'm single, British and don't have any French qualifications treat you like a sub species!
I love my students but hate the staff room atmosphere.
Ok cards on the table time now!
I hate it that I got myself into this position.
'
rosbif77 said:
CharlesdeGaulle said:
I know that I'm going against the flow here, but I'm going to repeat the gist of the comments I've made before. Your 'bad luck' as you call it is not down to anyone but you, and it will not go away with money; if you were rich you'd just have more to have stolen.
Your father's inheritance will not solve your poor self-esteem. The way you regard him I'm surprised you even want his money. Clearly, he didn't want you to have any of it, and it was never yours to expect. Don't waste many thousands on legal fees chasing something that no-one but you thinks you have any entitlement to. That element of your life is driven by greed, avarice and envy and it is in your gift to walk away from it. That legal battle will screw-up your life even more. Write that off and move on.
As for counselling, I disagree with those who rate them as charlatans. Find someone experienced in dealing with PTSD or trauma. Seems to me that you need it more than most. To put it simply, what else are you doing in your life to change it that is likely to be better than professional assistance?
Speaking frankly, your posts make you sound rather self-indugent and weak; show some self-awarenes and make your own life better. No-one will do it except you, so take some personal responsibility - so far all I've heard from you is you blaming someone else, so make that change now. It's a good time of year to make big changes, don't waste it. Good luck. [/quo
Thanks for the encouragement. I didn't enjoy reading certain parts of your post but that's because what you're saying is true.
I'm fed up with having low self esteem
and lacking confidence in myself. That's down to my childhood and my dad. He's gone now so it should be easy shouldn't it?
Secondly I'm pissed that I'm in a stressed out commuter town in the Paris suburbs surrounded by aggressive Parisians who think everyone should get out of their way! All the neighbours think the world revolves around them. One day they say hello the next they'll push past ignoring you !!
Im fed up with doing a 90 mile daily commute for a salary that doesn't even last to the end of the month, and what really pisses me off is that if I dump everything and move elsewhere my daughter loses out and the ex gets custody.
I do my job but without any enthusiasm. I just go through the motions. Why bother when all I get are successive paycuts?
I hate the blackmailing heads of school who because I'm single, British and don't have any French qualifications treat you like a sub species!!
I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I thought that it was when I moved over here in '97! It's turned out not to be.
I love my students but hate the staff room atmosphere.
Ok cards on the table time now!
I hate it that I got myself into this position.
'
Your father's inheritance will not solve your poor self-esteem. The way you regard him I'm surprised you even want his money. Clearly, he didn't want you to have any of it, and it was never yours to expect. Don't waste many thousands on legal fees chasing something that no-one but you thinks you have any entitlement to. That element of your life is driven by greed, avarice and envy and it is in your gift to walk away from it. That legal battle will screw-up your life even more. Write that off and move on.
As for counselling, I disagree with those who rate them as charlatans. Find someone experienced in dealing with PTSD or trauma. Seems to me that you need it more than most. To put it simply, what else are you doing in your life to change it that is likely to be better than professional assistance?
Speaking frankly, your posts make you sound rather self-indugent and weak; show some self-awarenes and make your own life better. No-one will do it except you, so take some personal responsibility - so far all I've heard from you is you blaming someone else, so make that change now. It's a good time of year to make big changes, don't waste it. Good luck. [/quo
Thanks for the encouragement. I didn't enjoy reading certain parts of your post but that's because what you're saying is true.
I'm fed up with having low self esteem
and lacking confidence in myself. That's down to my childhood and my dad. He's gone now so it should be easy shouldn't it?
Secondly I'm pissed that I'm in a stressed out commuter town in the Paris suburbs surrounded by aggressive Parisians who think everyone should get out of their way! All the neighbours think the world revolves around them. One day they say hello the next they'll push past ignoring you !!
Im fed up with doing a 90 mile daily commute for a salary that doesn't even last to the end of the month, and what really pisses me off is that if I dump everything and move elsewhere my daughter loses out and the ex gets custody.
I do my job but without any enthusiasm. I just go through the motions. Why bother when all I get are successive paycuts?
I hate the blackmailing heads of school who because I'm single, British and don't have any French qualifications treat you like a sub species!!
I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I thought that it was when I moved over here in '97! It's turned out not to be.
I love my students but hate the staff room atmosphere.
Ok cards on the table time now!
I hate it that I got myself into this position.
'
AndStilliRise said:
BlackLabel said:
In the space of 2 or 3 months OP has:
Been threatened with violence in a road rage incident;
Got into a fight outside of a cinema and ended up in a&e (and the police blamed him for the incident);
Had his car vandalised on several occasions at school;
Had his locker vandalised at school;
Repeated been bullied by his boss and colleagues;
Been knocked on his arse at the airport by a baggage trolley - back to a&e and ends up with a broken elbow;
Lost his father;
Been disinherited by his father in favour of his ex-wife and ex-MIL;
Been burgled a couple of days before Xmas.
WTF!!!
I think I'll bow out from this thread but Merry Xmas OP and I hope 2017 is better for you than 2016 was.
Thanks for the encouragement.
...and yes he is still here...fighting away. Life maybe harder for you than it is for others, but you have no choice. Either get busy living or get busy digging your hole. Your choice man, i made mine a long time ago.Been threatened with violence in a road rage incident;
Got into a fight outside of a cinema and ended up in a&e (and the police blamed him for the incident);
Had his car vandalised on several occasions at school;
Had his locker vandalised at school;
Repeated been bullied by his boss and colleagues;
Been knocked on his arse at the airport by a baggage trolley - back to a&e and ends up with a broken elbow;
Lost his father;
Been disinherited by his father in favour of his ex-wife and ex-MIL;
Been burgled a couple of days before Xmas.
WTF!!!
I think I'll bow out from this thread but Merry Xmas OP and I hope 2017 is better for you than 2016 was.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Ok 'Andstillirisé, what's the origin of your username?
Any connection to the thread 'Lets be grateful '?
I read through the posts so I'll add mine:
- I'm healthy and illness free.
- I've got two wonderful, intelligent and healthy teenagers.
-my two children love me.
-my two children know the difference between right and wrong and have excellent moral fibre.
-I've given them the chance to get an excellent education.
-I'm completely debt free.
-i have a comfortable, warm, spacious appartment that I rent.
- the landlord can't put up the rent till the tenancy agreement ends in 2018, and then only by 1%.
-i have own a comfortable, modern family car with that has every possible gadget for daily driving.
-i can fill my fridge with all manor of foodstuffs.
- I own a widescreen TV, 1000+ cds, 500+dvds, and a stereo system that if I turned it up to max would shatter all the windows in my appartment block !!!
-im a member of a local low cost gym that only costs me €30/month and where I have access to every possible exercise machine/ican pump iron like Arnold if i feel like it!!!!
-i own more than 600+books (which have not out grown the existing bookshelves!).
-i have a humongously big leather sofa that intices me to sit in it every evening!!!
-i can read,speak and understand two languages.
-my son can read/speak/understand five languages and my daughter three.
-i own an iPhone 7, MacBook Pro and other assorted 21st century gadgets.
-i survived getting knocked down by a speeding motorist, was resuscitated and learnt to walk again.
-i survived being drowned multiple times in a toilet, in mud and being suffocated by fire extinguisher foam.
-i survived being throttled, choked and crushed during my childhood.
-i emigrated from my country of birth to a foreign country and built a life for myself from scratch.
-i have enough savings in the bank to pay for unexpected car repairs or other sudden misfortunes.
- I can go to the cinema and figure out the ending before the end due to my understanding of plot and story.
-i can write a manuscript because I've already done it before.
-as a single middle aged 49 year parent I'm dependent on no one. I can clean, cook, iron etc without anyone else doing it for me.
-i can cycle 45km without my legs falling off!!!
-i can teach a sixth form class without any lesson preparation and still motivate my students to work.
-i share my appartment with a 13 year old cat that I love and who sits on my lap whilst I watch the tv.
I'm sure I've left some out!
Any connection to the thread 'Lets be grateful '?
I read through the posts so I'll add mine:
- I'm healthy and illness free.
- I've got two wonderful, intelligent and healthy teenagers.
-my two children love me.
-my two children know the difference between right and wrong and have excellent moral fibre.
-I've given them the chance to get an excellent education.
-I'm completely debt free.
-i have a comfortable, warm, spacious appartment that I rent.
- the landlord can't put up the rent till the tenancy agreement ends in 2018, and then only by 1%.
-i have own a comfortable, modern family car with that has every possible gadget for daily driving.
-i can fill my fridge with all manor of foodstuffs.
- I own a widescreen TV, 1000+ cds, 500+dvds, and a stereo system that if I turned it up to max would shatter all the windows in my appartment block !!!
-im a member of a local low cost gym that only costs me €30/month and where I have access to every possible exercise machine/ican pump iron like Arnold if i feel like it!!!!
-i own more than 600+books (which have not out grown the existing bookshelves!).
-i have a humongously big leather sofa that intices me to sit in it every evening!!!
-i can read,speak and understand two languages.
-my son can read/speak/understand five languages and my daughter three.
-i own an iPhone 7, MacBook Pro and other assorted 21st century gadgets.
-i survived getting knocked down by a speeding motorist, was resuscitated and learnt to walk again.
-i survived being drowned multiple times in a toilet, in mud and being suffocated by fire extinguisher foam.
-i survived being throttled, choked and crushed during my childhood.
-i emigrated from my country of birth to a foreign country and built a life for myself from scratch.
-i have enough savings in the bank to pay for unexpected car repairs or other sudden misfortunes.
- I can go to the cinema and figure out the ending before the end due to my understanding of plot and story.
-i can write a manuscript because I've already done it before.
-as a single middle aged 49 year parent I'm dependent on no one. I can clean, cook, iron etc without anyone else doing it for me.
-i can cycle 45km without my legs falling off!!!
-i can teach a sixth form class without any lesson preparation and still motivate my students to work.
-i share my appartment with a 13 year old cat that I love and who sits on my lap whilst I watch the tv.
I'm sure I've left some out!
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 24th December 16:14
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