Really depressed
Discussion
Just got a lovely email from the ex, she's disgusted in me and questioning me as a father, I know I haven't seen the kids for a while, but want to get better first, few weeks ago this would of really upset me, now I just sent a decent reply back! Ending with your the motjer of my children so I'll try to respect you but you make it very hard! Not.goimg to be pushed around anymore!
Edited by Robster on Saturday 26th November 22:42
Depression can be truly awful. I've had odd bouts of it since I was a teenager, but didn't really recognise it until many years later. I was pretty bad after my father died, then this was compounded by my daughter having a brain tumour - she's thankfully recovered - and underlying this my wife has a long term but terminal cancer. When I finally went to the doctor's he was almost amused as they score things like illness and death as contributory factors in depression, and he said that I was certainly depressed and almost off the scale. Anti depressants do work, but they take time. It's all too easy to sit around and do nothing, and depression can be exhausting and sometimes plain weird. I saw the ghost of one of our cats - it wasn't scary, more intriguing as I knew somewhere that it/he wasn't really there. Just one of the extras that being a bit scrambled can bring. It also, I think, led to my early retirement as increasing anxiety caused a dramatic loss of temper and an "incident" shall we say. I don't want to sound self obsessed, but just to say that it needs to be more widely recognised and discussed, as there is still so much of a stigma attached to mental health issues, and precious little support. So, talk about it, recognise it for what it is and try to understand that feeling miserable and acting strangely will pass and can be treated. All the best!
Just come accross the thread. Read from beginning to end. The beginning was a bit stressful to read but the support of the PH people had been amazing. Even more amazing is your progress Rob.
I've added you on LinkedIn for what it's worth! I sleep badly as well, so if you ever need a chat, try me.
I've added you on LinkedIn for what it's worth! I sleep badly as well, so if you ever need a chat, try me.
Morning everyone, sorry haven't updated for a while, got a bit busy posting on pistonheads (which to me is a good sign I'm finding pleasure in doing stuff again 
)
so coming up to last of cbt, I feel like I've achieved something as it feels like I have completed something and moved on ,
work have agreed to pay me some of my wages as well as ssp, which had made a massive difference as was able to pay child support this month , speaking of children spoke to them on the phone, still a big mental block in going to see them, so this is my next challenge , ex doesn't understand depression and hates me for not seeing them, a few months ago this would of destroyed me, however I've managed through cbt, pistonheads and good friends to conditioned myself against negative thoughts , and her comments are now like water of a ducks back!
I've been working on resilience with cbt for me it's all about knowing my weaknesses and not putting myself in the wrong situation, e.g. If your an alcoholic you don't go into a pub , for me it's about surrounding myself with the positives.
There could potentially be some exciting stuff coming up, but too early to comment, please pray /cross your fingers it works out
Hope this post makes sense as again I've been up since 2am
Speak soon and thanks everyone for your continued support, if anyone has got any questions about cbt, I'm happy to help!
Ta Rob
) so coming up to last of cbt, I feel like I've achieved something as it feels like I have completed something and moved on ,
work have agreed to pay me some of my wages as well as ssp, which had made a massive difference as was able to pay child support this month , speaking of children spoke to them on the phone, still a big mental block in going to see them, so this is my next challenge , ex doesn't understand depression and hates me for not seeing them, a few months ago this would of destroyed me, however I've managed through cbt, pistonheads and good friends to conditioned myself against negative thoughts , and her comments are now like water of a ducks back!
I've been working on resilience with cbt for me it's all about knowing my weaknesses and not putting myself in the wrong situation, e.g. If your an alcoholic you don't go into a pub , for me it's about surrounding myself with the positives.
There could potentially be some exciting stuff coming up, but too early to comment, please pray /cross your fingers it works out
Hope this post makes sense as again I've been up since 2am
Speak soon and thanks everyone for your continued support, if anyone has got any questions about cbt, I'm happy to help!
Ta Rob
Edited by Robster on Thursday 22 December 07:25
Good morning! Even if we are seeing it from opposite sides so to speak.
Yknow dude I don't even know you, but I'm so damn pleased for you. From your worst night to now, you have done so amazingly well to get this far and clearly you're still on the up.
I've wondered about CBT but always end up thinking, well, they can't fix bereavement so what's the point? What do you reckon, if one of the underlying problems is immovable, still worth a go?
Seeing the kids: how about you focus it around an activity. Really doesn't matter what, but something you can do together. Board game, any multiplayer computer or console game, crazy golf (there's an indoor one near me, good at this time of year), one of those climbing ropes courses (Go Ape?) - and then food after. Having something to focus on will give you all a shared experience, which will reduce the horrible anxious don't know what to say moments and provide something to talk about.
Yknow dude I don't even know you, but I'm so damn pleased for you. From your worst night to now, you have done so amazingly well to get this far and clearly you're still on the up.
I've wondered about CBT but always end up thinking, well, they can't fix bereavement so what's the point? What do you reckon, if one of the underlying problems is immovable, still worth a go?
Seeing the kids: how about you focus it around an activity. Really doesn't matter what, but something you can do together. Board game, any multiplayer computer or console game, crazy golf (there's an indoor one near me, good at this time of year), one of those climbing ropes courses (Go Ape?) - and then food after. Having something to focus on will give you all a shared experience, which will reduce the horrible anxious don't know what to say moments and provide something to talk about.
mrtwisty said:
chilistrucker said:
Have just managed to avoid going to my doctor about these issues, again, not sure if that has been a good or bad thing?
I just managed to avoid going to my doctors when I contracted tuberculosis. Good job I 'managed', it would have cost me a fortune otherwise. It would have made me a social pariah as well! Awful. Much worse than the potential long-term consequences...Edited by mrtwisty on Friday 25th November 23:19
Declaring to DVLA if under medication for depression or any other mental condition is a tricky one. On the website it says you must only declare if it affects driving. My consultant told me it's optional but advised me to declare anyway. He is confident that he is happy I'm fit to drive. I've called DVLA help line just to check and was told same thing, just need to fill in M1 medical questionnaire.
From my nightmare experience this is NOT the case! Perhaps I should've taken more due diligence and call up both consultant and DVLA regularly to check progress however my license has been revoked by mistake which affects my work and puts strain on my mental health. Repeated calls to DVLA as soon as I can but do they care? NO!
Depression, along with other mental health issues although now more widely recognised are still stigmatised. Maybe too many urine takers wrongly claiming benefits/days of work using this condition as excuse but certainly not helped by government offices such as the DVLA who has their own medical group for dealing with this but are very horrible at helping. If there is a medical group the call handlers should be trained to provide better service but alas this is not the case.
Sorry for the long rant.
FlyingMeeces said:
Good morning! Even if we are seeing it from opposite sides so to speak.
Yknow dude I don't even know you, but I'm so damn pleased for you. From your worst night to now, you have done so amazingly well to get this far and clearly you're still on the up.
I've wondered about CBT but always end up thinking, well, they can't fix bereavement so what's the point? What do you reckon, if one of the underlying problems is immovable, still worth a go?
Seeing the kids: how about you focus it around an activity. Really doesn't matter what, but something you can do together. Board game, any multiplayer computer or console game, crazy golf (there's an indoor one near me, good at this time of year), one of those climbing ropes courses (Go Ape?) - and then food after. Having something to focus on will give you all a shared experience, which will reduce the horrible anxious don't know what to say moments and provide something to talk about.
Lovely post thank you , regarding cbt , I can definelty recommend to help with bereavement, I've had my fair share, plus splitting up with someone is a kind of bereavement if that makes sense? Cbt helps condition your mind set to better deal with things, feel free to dm if I can help at all , can offer advice on how it's helped me Yknow dude I don't even know you, but I'm so damn pleased for you. From your worst night to now, you have done so amazingly well to get this far and clearly you're still on the up.
I've wondered about CBT but always end up thinking, well, they can't fix bereavement so what's the point? What do you reckon, if one of the underlying problems is immovable, still worth a go?
Seeing the kids: how about you focus it around an activity. Really doesn't matter what, but something you can do together. Board game, any multiplayer computer or console game, crazy golf (there's an indoor one near me, good at this time of year), one of those climbing ropes courses (Go Ape?) - and then food after. Having something to focus on will give you all a shared experience, which will reduce the horrible anxious don't know what to say moments and provide something to talk about.
Markbarry1977 said:
Congratulations rob, I followed this thread from the first night when you had us all worried.
Glad your doing so much better. It's amazing to read the differences in your posts. Stay safe and well and have a great xmas and new year.
Thank you , I can't bring myself to read my earlier posts, find it hard to take any credit , I've had support from you guys , doctors and friends , guess I have a spirit that doesn't want to give up , never want to sound like I have everything sussed, but feel really positive and hope I can help others on a similar journey Glad your doing so much better. It's amazing to read the differences in your posts. Stay safe and well and have a great xmas and new year.
Merry Christmas Rob. I haven't been able to contribute any advice or practical help unlike other others on here, some who sound like great guys, however I have been following your story and it's always good to see you posting on here. All the very best for 2017 mate. I hope things continue to go the right way for you.
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