The Wife's Mental State...

The Wife's Mental State...

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C0ffin D0dger

Original Poster:

3,440 posts

144 months

Monday 26th September 2016
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Admittedly she's going through a bit of a tough time at the moment but I'm not sure as to whether to be more concerned or not....?

It's a complicated issue but I'll try to keep it concise. Her sister's partner is terminally ill with cancer, he's now in hospital and it's looking highly likely that he won't be coming out again, days or weeks left maybe frown This in itself is absolutely shocking to us, he is a lovely bloke who we both get on with very well when we see him and what makes it so sad is that he's only in his early forties and up until it all kicked off extremely healthy. He did an IronMan triathlon a while back and regularly did normal triathlons.

Now my wife's relationship with her sister has tended to be a bit strained, they had a bit of an incident a year or so before we met which resulted in a few home truths being told and she thinks things haven't quite been the same since though it's all amicable. Her sister has made it known though that she is very jealous of us because we had kids, she desperately wanted them but was unable to conceive despite several rounds of IVF. In some respects given the circumstances now it's possibly a blessing in disguise as bringing up kids without a Dad would never have been easy. This issue means that we hardly ever see them, 2-3 times a year maybe, and that she won't see us if her parents are there because of how much attention our kids get from them, this seems to be effectively rubbing salt into the wounds. My wife desperately wants for her to be a proper Auntie and play a more active role in our kids lives.

Of late the wife just seems to be consumed by the whole situation, a couple of weeks back she had a breakdown and just said she wasn't herself anymore and felt like someone else. More lately we've had several tearful moments about the situation as well as breaking down whilst speaking to her folks on the phone. She's not sleeping, often gets up around 4am and goes downstairs to read or watch TV. Her mood is all over the place and not related to the usual cycles as I've learned when to ignore her on that front, but myself and the kids have been on the receiving end of a few outbursts. I think she desperately wants to help / comfort her sister and her partner but her sister has made it fairly clear that she wants us to stay away. In some respects I wish she was working now as it would give her some focus, currently being a stay at home mum seems to give her too much time to be able to think and become absorbed.

Personally I don't know if I'm being a bit callous, and I'd never let her know my opinions, but for sure it's sad that her partner is dying but I don't feel that I knew him well enough even though we got on well when together and it's a horrible thing to be happening but we all have to die sometime, unfortunately not everyone makes it to old age so I'm not feeling hugely emotional over it, my feelings might change if he dies who knows.

I'm kind of hoping that things will improve in the long term but for now she just seems to be wallowing in it and it doesn't seem healthy. I've always preferred the "life goes on" type of approach to things even after my Dad died. If it does carry on then it's going to have quite a negative impact on our family life.

Soov535

35,829 posts

270 months

Monday 26th September 2016
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It sounds to me like she does need some help.

Sounds like the onset of Clinical Depression. This is not "being depressed" and "down" it is a serious and debilitating condition caused by chemical imbalance in the brain.


Get her to the doctor. Medication will help in the short term and counselling too.


Google for SANE the mental health charity.

Wish you well, bro.

Biker 1

7,693 posts

118 months

Monday 26th September 2016
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Wow. I'm no expert, but please seek help. Now.
Really sad story - I hope it all works out for the best.

227bhp

10,203 posts

127 months

Monday 26th September 2016
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See a doctor - could be menopause too.