Mid Life Crisis Experiences
Discussion
I'm not sure whether this belongs here or in The Lounge (mods please feel free to move as appropriate).
Does anyone have experiences of having some sort of 'mid-life' style crisis ?
This is a new login as I'd rather keep this somewhat private but I think I'm going through some sort of episode at the moment, and don't really know how to deal with it.
Some background without giving too much away, I'm in my early 40's, single with a good job (which I don't enjoy) and no ties or financial difficulties. I changed jobs last year (somewhat forced to) and have ever liked my new job but have learned to tolerate it. Sunday nights are awful thinking about the work week ahead, the commute or being sent overseas to some pretty rubbish places (IMO) where I don't speak the language and don't enjoy being there (this is around 40% of the time now and not what I expected).
I've no idea where my life is going, and just can't see much point in it. Outside of work, my interests have dwindled in the past couple of years and my social life is pretty poor so not much going on there either. I go to the gym a bit (partly for something to do and to help keep increasing weight at bay and partly to get out the house)
I don't know what to do to get out of the rut or whether this is simply normal given my time of life.
Thinking about leaving work/retiring just to get out although this would require some financial sacrifices or I could possibly go contracting or take a much less well paid job locally in a different field but don't know what I'd do to fill the time void instead (but guess I'd find something).
Seems like I have little to look forward to, except not having to work when I can give up, but then what.
I've been pretty down of late trying to figure stuff out with no significant progress, but have some better days where I feel more positive but it doesn't take much for me to feel pretty glum tbh. I suspect in comparison to some my 'issues' seem quite trivial and I should just MTFU.
Any thoughts/similar experiences ?
Does anyone have experiences of having some sort of 'mid-life' style crisis ?
This is a new login as I'd rather keep this somewhat private but I think I'm going through some sort of episode at the moment, and don't really know how to deal with it.
Some background without giving too much away, I'm in my early 40's, single with a good job (which I don't enjoy) and no ties or financial difficulties. I changed jobs last year (somewhat forced to) and have ever liked my new job but have learned to tolerate it. Sunday nights are awful thinking about the work week ahead, the commute or being sent overseas to some pretty rubbish places (IMO) where I don't speak the language and don't enjoy being there (this is around 40% of the time now and not what I expected).
I've no idea where my life is going, and just can't see much point in it. Outside of work, my interests have dwindled in the past couple of years and my social life is pretty poor so not much going on there either. I go to the gym a bit (partly for something to do and to help keep increasing weight at bay and partly to get out the house)
I don't know what to do to get out of the rut or whether this is simply normal given my time of life.
Thinking about leaving work/retiring just to get out although this would require some financial sacrifices or I could possibly go contracting or take a much less well paid job locally in a different field but don't know what I'd do to fill the time void instead (but guess I'd find something).
Seems like I have little to look forward to, except not having to work when I can give up, but then what.
I've been pretty down of late trying to figure stuff out with no significant progress, but have some better days where I feel more positive but it doesn't take much for me to feel pretty glum tbh. I suspect in comparison to some my 'issues' seem quite trivial and I should just MTFU.
Any thoughts/similar experiences ?
castroses said:
Pick a continent (SEAsia would be my choice) and go travelling.
When you come back (If you do...) try contracting.
A s
tty job will suck the life right out of you.
Travelling doesn't appeal since I've done so much of it with my job and been to loads of places all over the world. In fact when I'm off I don't want to travel most of the time as I have to do it for work and it's taken the fun away.When you come back (If you do...) try contracting.
A s
tty job will suck the life right out of you. Not keen on going away on my own either, but also have nobody to go with. I've lived overseas before and chosen to come back. Wouldn't do it again permanently as like being where I am and close to my family.
All sounds like excuses and negativity I know, but it's how I feel.
Tinder/Match/Grindr depending on preference?
Not always about dating but it would get you out meeting people/doing things of an evening. Also even if I have a busy week I always try and make sure that I leave the office on time at least one day a week - would keep you busy and hopefully sort out a travel buddy in time?
Not always about dating but it would get you out meeting people/doing things of an evening. Also even if I have a busy week I always try and make sure that I leave the office on time at least one day a week - would keep you busy and hopefully sort out a travel buddy in time?
I wouldn't say it's a mid life crisis, you haven't gone and bought a sports car and started shagging 20 year olds! Crap jobs suck the life out of you, it's their way of showing you it's time to leave. If you have a limited social circle it doesn't help, try getting out with some friends? My wife would say I'm having a midlife crisis now, I'm off next month overseas contracting again, its more boredom of normal life that does it to me.
kiethton said:
Tinder/Match/Grindr depending on preference?
Not always about dating but it would get you out meeting people/doing things of an evening. Also even if I have a busy week I always try and make sure that I leave the office on time at least one day a week - would keep you busy and hopefully sort out a travel buddy in time?
Dating just isn't for me. Have always been single and plan to keep it that way.Not always about dating but it would get you out meeting people/doing things of an evening. Also even if I have a busy week I always try and make sure that I leave the office on time at least one day a week - would keep you busy and hopefully sort out a travel buddy in time?
Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Fozziebear said:
I wouldn't say it's a mid life crisis, you haven't gone and bought a sports car and started shagging 20 year olds! Crap jobs suck the life out of you, it's their way of showing you it's time to leave. If you have a limited social circle it doesn't help, try getting out with some friends? My wife would say I'm having a midlife crisis now, I'm off next month overseas contracting again, its more boredom of normal life that does it to me.
Had the sports cars in the past, which for a couple of years was a big and enjoyable part of my social life. They've gone now as they hold less interest (I know I should hand in my PH card, but my daily driver still has 300hp even if it doesn't get used sat on the motorway).So, hate job, dont want to travel, single and dont want partner, no hobbies etc
Doesn't having a mid life crisis, suggest that one already has a life that is mid way thru to have a crisis about ?
Unless you are missing some stuff out- you sound like you are existing not living.
Also the whole Tinder etc thing doesn't need to be about long term from what I hear. Or do you actually not want to meet people either?
This is a really tricky one. Thinks you need a life reboot not a crisis
Doesn't having a mid life crisis, suggest that one already has a life that is mid way thru to have a crisis about ?
Unless you are missing some stuff out- you sound like you are existing not living.
Also the whole Tinder etc thing doesn't need to be about long term from what I hear. Or do you actually not want to meet people either?
This is a really tricky one. Thinks you need a life reboot not a crisis
Derek Donkey said:
Dating just isn't for me. Have always been single and plan to keep it that way.
Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Don't you find the lack of sex somewhat frustrating or do you have other avenues for that side of things? Or do you just not like it / don't have the drive for it?Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Must admit in my early thirties I'd kind of resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life as I'd never had a lot of luck with the ladies. Then I met my wife to be and several years later have two kids which are my life now and a great on it is too though it does have its moments. I think things would feel pretty empty now without them, much like you are feeling.
Maybe get a pet if you really don't want to procreate. Couple of labradors / retrievers would be great companions and would force you to get out of the house of a weekend for long walks in the countryside hopefully ending at a nice pub for some ale and food.
C0ffin D0dger said:
Derek Donkey said:
Dating just isn't for me. Have always been single and plan to keep it that way.
Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Don't you find the lack of sex somewhat frustrating or do you have other avenues for that side of things? Or do you just not like it / don't have the drive for it?Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Must admit in my early thirties I'd kind of resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life as I'd never had a lot of luck with the ladies. Then I met my wife to be and several years later have two kids which are my life now and a great on it is too though it does have its moments. I think things would feel pretty empty now without them, much like you are feeling.
Maybe get a pet if you really don't want to procreate. Couple of labradors / retrievers would be great companions and would force you to get out of the house of a weekend for long walks in the countryside hopefully ending at a nice pub for some ale and food.
But, yes I would very much describe my life as existing rather than living as I have little to look forward to other than stopping work at some point and then counting down the years.......I just don't know how to reboot my life!
Happy to meet new people (just not romantically) and if you met me you would most likely think I am an outgoing, gregarious and generally very happy person (nobody who knows me has any idea how I am really feeling as I'm very good at putting up a facade).
Never been interested in dating, never had any real sex drive, don't miss it.
I've never wanted children, and can't have them in any case, but have a couple of godchildren so I'm not adverse to them, just not for me.
Can't have any pets right now, due to work and being away, even the fish I had didn't cope so well with that, plus I'm (sadly) allergic to some pet hair and I see friends with dogs who are just so tied down with them.
I've also gone off drinking too
Can't cope with the hangovers and no longer enjoy it anywhere as much as I did 10 years ago. Now if I go out I will normally drive on purpose.I don't think there's a miracle cure here, nor do I expect there to be one, and I accept that any changes have to come from me, as they don't magically happen.
Dont knwo what you do already, but how about getting some hobbies like fitness ?
Gaming ?
Do some voluntary work ?
Get a car to renovate ?
Also, have you been checked out by a doctor, low libido can just be how some people are but can also be indicative of other things, but if you have never had it and dont miss it, also, doesnt mean that because you dont want to be at it all the time you cant have a partner ?
Gaming ?
Do some voluntary work ?
Get a car to renovate ?
Also, have you been checked out by a doctor, low libido can just be how some people are but can also be indicative of other things, but if you have never had it and dont miss it, also, doesnt mean that because you dont want to be at it all the time you cant have a partner ?
Surely travelling with work is not comparable to travelling for fun? I'm feeling in a bit of a rut at the moment too and am planning on taking a camper van round either europe or USA for 3 months or so. I'll do a bit of remote working and explore.
That's much different than being sat in a business hotel in some industrial town.
That's much different than being sat in a business hotel in some industrial town.
J4CKO said:
Dont knwo what you do already, but how about getting some hobbies like fitness ?
Gaming ?
Do some voluntary work ?
Get a car to renovate ?
Also, have you been checked out by a doctor, low libido can just be how some people are but can also be indicative of other things, but if you have never had it and dont miss it, also, doesnt mean that because you dont want to be at it all the time you cant have a partner ?
Fitness - go to the gym 3 times per week when I'm home - I'd go every day if I wasn't working. It doesn't excite me but I feel better for having done it.Gaming ?
Do some voluntary work ?
Get a car to renovate ?
Also, have you been checked out by a doctor, low libido can just be how some people are but can also be indicative of other things, but if you have never had it and dont miss it, also, doesnt mean that because you dont want to be at it all the time you cant have a partner ?
Gaming I've never been into hugely - I think I'm on the cusp of age where it became huge.
Volunteering - I was looking at doing more of that once retired to help occupy the time, not sure how much time I'd be able to commit regularly now with work travels.
Car renovation and me would not be good friends. I have absolutely no practical skills in fact I'd be more of a danger touching anything. there's no point in me trying to learn as I simply have no aptitude with anything practical, be it decorating, carpentry, electriciaining (sic), making anything - no idea why as my Dad can do it all!
Never been checked by a Dr - just something that has never bothered me. The thought of having a partner scares me tbh, even at my advancing age
Derek Donkey said:
J4CKO said:
Dont knwo what you do already, but how about getting some hobbies like fitness ?
Gaming ?
Do some voluntary work ?
Get a car to renovate ?
Also, have you been checked out by a doctor, low libido can just be how some people are but can also be indicative of other things, but if you have never had it and dont miss it, also, doesnt mean that because you dont want to be at it all the time you cant have a partner ?
Fitness - go to the gym 3 times per week when I'm home - I'd go every day if I wasn't working. It doesn't excite me but I feel better for having done it.Gaming ?
Do some voluntary work ?
Get a car to renovate ?
Also, have you been checked out by a doctor, low libido can just be how some people are but can also be indicative of other things, but if you have never had it and dont miss it, also, doesnt mean that because you dont want to be at it all the time you cant have a partner ?
Gaming I've never been into hugely - I think I'm on the cusp of age where it became huge.
Volunteering - I was looking at doing more of that once retired to help occupy the time, not sure how much time I'd be able to commit regularly now with work travels.
Car renovation and me would not be good friends. I have absolutely no practical skills in fact I'd be more of a danger touching anything. there's no point in me trying to learn as I simply have no aptitude with anything practical, be it decorating, carpentry, electriciaining (sic), making anything - no idea why as my Dad can do it all!
Never been checked by a Dr - just something that has never bothered me. The thought of having a partner scares me tbh, even at my advancing age
Having a partner terrifies me, but we are still married, I enjoy the challenge
As for practical skills, your dad hasnt got some magical powers, its just experience, nobody is born with the ability to wield a drill.
I am getting to a point where I have more time now the kids are older, there are loads of things out there, it is just a case of trying stuff and keeping an open mind.
You sound more depressed than anything.
If you can seriously afford to consider retirement, then get out of that job you don't like - you can cushion yourself to find other work (I agree that boredom could be an issue and potentially harmful), go back to uni, retrain or whatever.
Volunteering sounds like a good option, you sound like someone who is good at building human connections, befriending scheme at local old folks' service, holiday support for Sense or something?
PS not inconceivable that you may find a partner who also has little/no sex drive, if you'd like that - I know an asexual couple, they seem incredibly happy sharing their lives and supporting each other.
If you can seriously afford to consider retirement, then get out of that job you don't like - you can cushion yourself to find other work (I agree that boredom could be an issue and potentially harmful), go back to uni, retrain or whatever.
Volunteering sounds like a good option, you sound like someone who is good at building human connections, befriending scheme at local old folks' service, holiday support for Sense or something?
PS not inconceivable that you may find a partner who also has little/no sex drive, if you'd like that - I know an asexual couple, they seem incredibly happy sharing their lives and supporting each other.
Learn to play the guitar. You'll be fighting the chicks off and drowning in offers of friendship and free meals / drinks.
This is what happened to me, apart from the chicks bit. And the friends. Oh yeah, I'm still waiting for the other stuff too, but any day now.....
If chicks aren't your thing you could always learn bass.
This is what happened to me, apart from the chicks bit. And the friends. Oh yeah, I'm still waiting for the other stuff too, but any day now.....
If chicks aren't your thing you could always learn bass.
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