Mid Life Crisis Experiences
Discussion
Derek Donkey said:
C0ffin D0dger said:
Derek Donkey said:
Dating just isn't for me. Have always been single and plan to keep it that way.
Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Don't you find the lack of sex somewhat frustrating or do you have other avenues for that side of things? Or do you just not like it / don't have the drive for it?Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Must admit in my early thirties I'd kind of resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life as I'd never had a lot of luck with the ladies. Then I met my wife to be and several years later have two kids which are my life now and a great on it is too though it does have its moments. I think things would feel pretty empty now without them, much like you are feeling.
Maybe get a pet if you really don't want to procreate. Couple of labradors / retrievers would be great companions and would force you to get out of the house of a weekend for long walks in the countryside hopefully ending at a nice pub for some ale and food.
But, yes I would very much describe my life as existing rather than living as I have little to look forward to other than stopping work at some point and then counting down the years.......I just don't know how to reboot my life!
Happy to meet new people (just not romantically) and if you met me you would most likely think I am an outgoing, gregarious and generally very happy person (nobody who knows me has any idea how I am really feeling as I'm very good at putting up a facade).
Never been interested in dating, never had any real sex drive, don't miss it.
I've never wanted children, and can't have them in any case, but have a couple of godchildren so I'm not adverse to them, just not for me.
Can't have any pets right now, due to work and being away, even the fish I had didn't cope so well with that, plus I'm (sadly) allergic to some pet hair and I see friends with dogs who are just so tied down with them.
I've also gone off drinking too
Can't cope with the hangovers and no longer enjoy it anywhere as much as I did 10 years ago. Now if I go out I will normally drive on purpose.I don't think there's a miracle cure here, nor do I expect there to be one, and I accept that any changes have to come from me, as they don't magically happen.
Derek Donkey said:
C0ffin D0dger said:
Derek Donkey said:
Dating just isn't for me. Have always been single and plan to keep it that way.
Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Don't you find the lack of sex somewhat frustrating or do you have other avenues for that side of things? Or do you just not like it / don't have the drive for it?Leaving the office on time when I'm home isn't too much of an issue, in part as I get in so early to avoid the traffic which would drive me even more nuts than I am now ;-)
Must admit in my early thirties I'd kind of resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life as I'd never had a lot of luck with the ladies. Then I met my wife to be and several years later have two kids which are my life now and a great on it is too though it does have its moments. I think things would feel pretty empty now without them, much like you are feeling.
Maybe get a pet if you really don't want to procreate. Couple of labradors / retrievers would be great companions and would force you to get out of the house of a weekend for long walks in the countryside hopefully ending at a nice pub for some ale and food.
But, yes I would very much describe my life as existing rather than living as I have little to look forward to other than stopping work at some point and then counting down the years.......I just don't know how to reboot my life!
Happy to meet new people (just not romantically) and if you met me you would most likely think I am an outgoing, gregarious and generally very happy person (nobody who knows me has any idea how I am really feeling as I'm very good at putting up a facade).
Never been interested in dating, never had any real sex drive, don't miss it.
I've never wanted children, and can't have them in any case, but have a couple of godchildren so I'm not adverse to them, just not for me.
Can't have any pets right now, due to work and being away, even the fish I had didn't cope so well with that, plus I'm (sadly) allergic to some pet hair and I see friends with dogs who are just so tied down with them.
I've also gone off drinking too
Can't cope with the hangovers and no longer enjoy it anywhere as much as I did 10 years ago. Now if I go out I will normally drive on purpose.I don't think there's a miracle cure here, nor do I expect there to be one, and I accept that any changes have to come from me, as they don't magically happen.
You sound to be mentally in the same place as me, take each day at a time and if that's too much, take each hour.
It's easy to think you're doomed when in fact there's something life changing moments away.
I wish I could be more helpful but I feel for where you are.
Talk to someone close to you would be my best suggestion. It can be incredibly difficult to open up but once you do the relief can be overwhelming. A different perspective from somebody familiar might open some doors.
Failing that, go get some pot (again not serious
)I think sometimes people take life a bit seriously, too busy and too much to deal with and you seem a bit the other way, however, remember,
“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.”
You just need some things you like to distract and absorb you, the world is a big and interesting place.
Read books, am reading "More notes from a small island" by Bill Bryson, basically he travels round the UK and makes wry observations, some a little cynical but others discussing the majesty of nature and joy of exploring, it hs me making a list of places to visit, I read a bit, then he mentions a place and I dig my Ipad out and read all about it, Derwent Dam was last nights, then read about other dams, I like dams it seems, been to the Hoover one.
The world is interesting, go and see some stuff and leanr about it, its like pickign the corner off a bit of wallpaper knowledge, you then need to do the whole lot and it becomes self sustaining, just wish I had more spare time to indulge, watch documentaries, visit places.
It is always better to do stuff with other people, i enjoy my own company and am happy on my own but I also need company, people to share the experience with, perhaps join clubs, go and watch talks.
Not sure if you already do stuff like this, but it worries me when people say, when something engineering, history, art or whatever related that it is "boring', I just assume they are, so much of the country seems obsessed with status and the instant gratification of food, sex, drugs and money that they miss the really interesting stuff and wont give it a chance, you sound like thats not you.
“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.”
You just need some things you like to distract and absorb you, the world is a big and interesting place.
Read books, am reading "More notes from a small island" by Bill Bryson, basically he travels round the UK and makes wry observations, some a little cynical but others discussing the majesty of nature and joy of exploring, it hs me making a list of places to visit, I read a bit, then he mentions a place and I dig my Ipad out and read all about it, Derwent Dam was last nights, then read about other dams, I like dams it seems, been to the Hoover one.
The world is interesting, go and see some stuff and leanr about it, its like pickign the corner off a bit of wallpaper knowledge, you then need to do the whole lot and it becomes self sustaining, just wish I had more spare time to indulge, watch documentaries, visit places.
It is always better to do stuff with other people, i enjoy my own company and am happy on my own but I also need company, people to share the experience with, perhaps join clubs, go and watch talks.
Not sure if you already do stuff like this, but it worries me when people say, when something engineering, history, art or whatever related that it is "boring', I just assume they are, so much of the country seems obsessed with status and the instant gratification of food, sex, drugs and money that they miss the really interesting stuff and wont give it a chance, you sound like thats not you.
Some good thoughts here and helpful too.
It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
Derek Donkey said:
Some good thoughts here and helpful too.
It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
Why don't you do some charity work, e.g. Bike ride or run a marathon or something?It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/get-involved/charity...
Derek Donkey said:
Some good thoughts here and helpful too.
It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
Ok, so getting a women is out...It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
First things first... Listen to this. It's not psychobabble and it is a very succinct explanation as to what the mid life crisis is, which is what you're describing.
http://philosophybites.com/2016/07/kieran-setiya-o...
Understand what you're going through and then have a think about IF you want to suppress or subvert these feeling and if so how you might go about it.
I'm 40, I've delayed mine by having kids in my mid 30s so I don't really have time to think about this stuff just yet, well I do think about it but not at length, I also read a lot of philosophy at a young age and sort of new it was coming, hopefully I'll go from 1/4 life crisis straight to empty nest syndrome.
Is life meaningless and pointless? Yes of course, it's just a load of stuff that's happening. Do we all feel completely ineffectual and impotent on the wider social scenery? Yes we all do. Unless you're one of the few sociopath egomaniacs determined to model the world in your own image - or die trying. Is reasonable success in corporate wiffle waffle any sign of a life worth living? No, it's not. Does financial security bring people happiness? No, of course not.
What do you want to do? What are you prepared to do, will reading Kierkegaard or Nietzsche help? Probably not but it'll make you realise the thoughts you're having are completely normal and all part of any normal persons life, it's important you understand that - the midlife crisis is part of the human psyche.
P.S Going for a bike ride won't help. Physical challenge or any else may fill the small gaps but the void will still remain.
P.P.S Religion may help.
FredClogs said:
Derek Donkey said:
Some good thoughts here and helpful too.
It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
Ok, so getting a women is out...It's hard to sum up, but I think I'm inherently lazy, and have a bit of a laissez faire type attitude in some respects, which is odd given that I've been successful in my career to date - well successful enough that I could throw it all in if it becomes overwhelmingly dull.
I have had in a lot of people's eyes quite an enviable lifestyle, having travelled all over the world for work (and lived overseas for a few years too) from Australia to Alaska, South America, North America, all over Europe, parts of Asia. Sometimes my job required me to do about 90 mins work then sit on a beach in, say, Thailand for a day or two before going home (though that was of course not the norm but demonstrates how fortunate I have been in some respects).
The finding a partner thing just isn't going to happen - there are some other issues surrounding that which are not relevant to my current feelings, but I'd rather not go there.
I'm hopeful once I finish work (whether that's now or in a few years time) I'll want to go and see some new places again.
I don't read (I didn't even like that as a child strangely) and am not artistic - trying to learn the guitar and piano as a child was unsuccessful.
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
I should, and am for the most part, be hugely grateful that I live in Western Society with all the things that go with it and suffer no hardships of any kind like a huge proportion of people, just hard to see that sometimes.
First things first... Listen to this. It's not psychobabble and it is a very succinct explanation as to what the mid life crisis is, which is what you're describing.
http://philosophybites.com/2016/07/kieran-setiya-o...
Understand what you're going through and then have a think about IF you want to suppress or subvert these feeling and if so how you might go about it.
I'm 40, I've delayed mine by having kids in my mid 30s so I don't really have time to think about this stuff just yet, well I do think about it but not at length, I also read a lot of philosophy at a young age and sort of new it was coming, hopefully I'll go from 1/4 life crisis straight to empty nest syndrome.
Is life meaningless and pointless? Yes of course, it's just a load of stuff that's happening. Do we all feel completely ineffectual and impotent on the wider social scenery? Yes we all do. Unless you're one of the few sociopath egomaniacs determined to model the world in your own image - or die trying. Is reasonable success in corporate wiffle waffle any sign of a life worth living? No, it's not. Does financial security bring people happiness? No, of course not.
What do you want to do? What are you prepared to do, will reading Kierkegaard or Nietzsche help? Probably not but it'll make you realise the thoughts you're having are completely normal and all part of any normal persons life, it's important you understand that - the midlife crisis is part of the human psyche.
P.S Going for a bike ride won't help. Physical challenge or any else may fill the small gaps but the void will still remain.
P.P.S Religion may help.
OP - sorry to hear of your troubles.
I agree with a poster one the first page - you sound like you're depressed, considering your lack of interest in things and your ability to put up excuses to genuine suggestions....
With that said OP - you will get better, it sounds like your job is really causing you a huge amount of suffering and it's having a very detrimental affect on life.
I can't make any huge recommendations that are better than the ones above you as I am still going through the motions, but I can tell you the best thing I did was dropping everything and a change of location.
I am feeling better, but still very fragile, but I'll take the improvements everyday of the week.
Thanks for sharing with us - and keep letting us know about how you are feeling.
Chris
I agree with a poster one the first page - you sound like you're depressed, considering your lack of interest in things and your ability to put up excuses to genuine suggestions....
With that said OP - you will get better, it sounds like your job is really causing you a huge amount of suffering and it's having a very detrimental affect on life.
I can't make any huge recommendations that are better than the ones above you as I am still going through the motions, but I can tell you the best thing I did was dropping everything and a change of location.
I am feeling better, but still very fragile, but I'll take the improvements everyday of the week.
Thanks for sharing with us - and keep letting us know about how you are feeling.
Chris
OP, I've also chosen a new name for this. I think you owe it to yourself to get this looked into. At a minimum, you sound depressed which is leading to lethargy and a hard time setting goals.
I feel for you because six months ago I had an apparently successful international career like your own, but I dreaded each day. One Monday morning, after flying back from our Chicago office, I realised that if I went to the station for the London train then I wouldn't be able to trust myself not to throw myself in front of the train at the age of 44.
I've had some amazing support from my GP, the NHS in general, and close friends and family. I've quit the job and my wife and I are planning a very different style of living when I'm well again, which probably won't involve flying round the world to fix broken banks (unsurprisingly, nobody has ever said Thanks for fixing their mistakes!)
Even more importantly, while being checked up in the process of all this, we've found possible signs of early onset Parkinson's, which can be related to depression and some other lingering health issues I've had. I'm heading to a London hospital tomorrow for further tests, and in a lot of ways I'm feeling very fortunate that I've got some great people helping me to find out what's going on.
TL;DR It's really important to find out what's going on to make your life so unenjoyable, and step one is to make an appointment with your GP. They will take you seriously, and you might be amazed what a short course of antidepressants, CBT or group therapy could do.
Very best wishes
"Eddie"
I feel for you because six months ago I had an apparently successful international career like your own, but I dreaded each day. One Monday morning, after flying back from our Chicago office, I realised that if I went to the station for the London train then I wouldn't be able to trust myself not to throw myself in front of the train at the age of 44.
I've had some amazing support from my GP, the NHS in general, and close friends and family. I've quit the job and my wife and I are planning a very different style of living when I'm well again, which probably won't involve flying round the world to fix broken banks (unsurprisingly, nobody has ever said Thanks for fixing their mistakes!)
Even more importantly, while being checked up in the process of all this, we've found possible signs of early onset Parkinson's, which can be related to depression and some other lingering health issues I've had. I'm heading to a London hospital tomorrow for further tests, and in a lot of ways I'm feeling very fortunate that I've got some great people helping me to find out what's going on.
TL;DR It's really important to find out what's going on to make your life so unenjoyable, and step one is to make an appointment with your GP. They will take you seriously, and you might be amazed what a short course of antidepressants, CBT or group therapy could do.
Very best wishes
"Eddie"
Thanks for sharing Eddie and toohuge, and great news that you've been able to work out what's wrong and are moving in the right direction, good luck!
I'm in 2 minds as to whether i should go and see my GP - I very rarely go (about once every 4/5 years at current rates) as there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm a man so we generally think we're tough enough to deal with anything, but clearly I don't think I am. It also seems like I'm admitting defeat and can't fix what's wrong by just snapping out of it. But I think if I carry on feeling this way then I need to see someone.
Last night wasn't amazing - I'm stuck this week in a middle of nowhere small town in Eastern Europe in a hotel with no facilities so more lonely than normal, which doesn't help..........last nights pre-occupation was with my own mortality. It scares the crap out of me (and always has ever since I can remember) that one day I won't be around - it's just something I can't get my head round and within seconds when I start to contemplate this, it gets me very upset.
I also threw up this morning before leaving for the office (this happened frequently in the first 2 months of my new job whether I was in the UK or not but I thought I'd got over it).
I'm in 2 minds as to whether i should go and see my GP - I very rarely go (about once every 4/5 years at current rates) as there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm a man so we generally think we're tough enough to deal with anything, but clearly I don't think I am. It also seems like I'm admitting defeat and can't fix what's wrong by just snapping out of it. But I think if I carry on feeling this way then I need to see someone.
Last night wasn't amazing - I'm stuck this week in a middle of nowhere small town in Eastern Europe in a hotel with no facilities so more lonely than normal, which doesn't help..........last nights pre-occupation was with my own mortality. It scares the crap out of me (and always has ever since I can remember) that one day I won't be around - it's just something I can't get my head round and within seconds when I start to contemplate this, it gets me very upset.
I also threw up this morning before leaving for the office (this happened frequently in the first 2 months of my new job whether I was in the UK or not but I thought I'd got over it).
Edited by Derek Donkey on Wednesday 28th September 09:23
Derek Donkey said:
Thanks for sharing Eddie, and great news that you've been able to work out what's wrong and are moving in the right direction, good luck!
I'm in 2 minds as to whether i should go and see my GP - I very rarely go (about once every 4/5 years at current rates) as there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm a man so we generally think we're tough enough to deal with anything, but clearly I don't think I am. It also seems like I'm admitting defeat and can't fix what's wrong by just snapping out of it. But I think if I carry on feeling this way then I need to see someone.
Last night wasn't amazing - I'm stuck this week in a middle of nowhere small town in Eastern Europe in a hotel with no facilities so more lonely than normal, which doesn't help..........last nights pre-occupation was with my own mortality. It scares the crap out of me (and always has ever since I can remember) that one day I won't be around - it's just something I can't get my head round and within seconds when I start to contemplate this, it gets me very upset.
I also threw up this morning before leaving for the office (this happened frequently in the first 2 months of my new job whether I was in the UK or not but I thought I'd got over it).
Mate. Set the bloke stuff aside - would you really say there is 'nothing wrong with' or let's rephrase it, 'nothing deserving of input and support' with someone who's described experiencing what you have? I'm in 2 minds as to whether i should go and see my GP - I very rarely go (about once every 4/5 years at current rates) as there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm a man so we generally think we're tough enough to deal with anything, but clearly I don't think I am. It also seems like I'm admitting defeat and can't fix what's wrong by just snapping out of it. But I think if I carry on feeling this way then I need to see someone.
Last night wasn't amazing - I'm stuck this week in a middle of nowhere small town in Eastern Europe in a hotel with no facilities so more lonely than normal, which doesn't help..........last nights pre-occupation was with my own mortality. It scares the crap out of me (and always has ever since I can remember) that one day I won't be around - it's just something I can't get my head round and within seconds when I start to contemplate this, it gets me very upset.
I also threw up this morning before leaving for the office (this happened frequently in the first 2 months of my new job whether I was in the UK or not but I thought I'd got over it).
Go and see your GP. Have a proper good chat.
In the meantime, if you have a half decent internet connection wherever you are, this is quite a good low-demand set of time fillers: https://www.zooniverse.org it's basically a ton of sciencey and/or historical projects which need to crowd-source people to get the job done, stuff like transcribing old diaries, identifying animals in photos, spotting potential quasars and such. I've become really fond of it (I mostly hang out on the Wildcam Gorongosa one, monitoring the recovery of a reserve in Mozambique, find a trailcam pic of a lion or a leopard and you've hit the jackpot); I've had a pretty horrific couple of years and being able to put focus into something so 'safe' for a while has been very helpful, as well as knowing that my virtual nose-picking is genuinely actually helping someone's research.
as people have said- you are existing not living/enjoying a life.
is there anything in your life that makes you tick, gets you excited? you sound like you need to find something that gives you a bit of drive back in life.
I'll be honest, I don't love my job, I'd gladly not go to work every day, but I realized a long time ago that wasn't an option. So now I view work as something where I want to go to, get paid as much as I can, for as little of my time as possible, to fully maximize my life/enjoyment away from work.
my main interests are things like:
- skiing, love an annual ski holiday and trips up north with friends for the day
-cycling, just getting outdoors and taking in scenery/fresh air
- canoeing, used to train lots when I was younger, now just for fun/fitness and to help coach the younger ones
- meeting up with friends, dinners, drinks, nights out..... its good to catch up with people and talk $hit, not just 'follow' people on social media and think we stay in touch
- family, as much as they bug the hell out of me, I still love them to bits and would do anything for them.
- spending time with my gf, I love having someone so close that basically I share a life with, when your down/ bored/ worried, there's always someone there that's got your back.
is there anything in your life that makes you tick, gets you excited? you sound like you need to find something that gives you a bit of drive back in life.
I'll be honest, I don't love my job, I'd gladly not go to work every day, but I realized a long time ago that wasn't an option. So now I view work as something where I want to go to, get paid as much as I can, for as little of my time as possible, to fully maximize my life/enjoyment away from work.
my main interests are things like:
- skiing, love an annual ski holiday and trips up north with friends for the day
-cycling, just getting outdoors and taking in scenery/fresh air
- canoeing, used to train lots when I was younger, now just for fun/fitness and to help coach the younger ones
- meeting up with friends, dinners, drinks, nights out..... its good to catch up with people and talk $hit, not just 'follow' people on social media and think we stay in touch
- family, as much as they bug the hell out of me, I still love them to bits and would do anything for them.
- spending time with my gf, I love having someone so close that basically I share a life with, when your down/ bored/ worried, there's always someone there that's got your back.
There's nothing right now in my life that gets me excited or that I look forward to, other than not having to go to work at the weekends.
I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
Derek Donkey said:
There's nothing right now in my life that gets me excited or that I look forward to, other than not having to go to work at the weekends.
I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
a) read up a little about how serotonin works, in terms of enjoyment and indeed quality of life I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
b) consider whether something like a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI), which encourages your brain to make better use of what it's got, might be helpful, because based on what you've said I fully expect that that is what the GP will suggest.
Derek Donkey said:
There's nothing right now in my life that gets me excited or that I look forward to, other than not having to go to work at the weekends.
I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
GPs hear it all day, a lot of the time with people who just want a chat and to moan with no real issue, I think the NHS owes you a little TLC as you obviously contribute a lot and cost them nothing, it is very easy to see ourselves as self contained and low maintenance but we arent really, people, (especially men) scoff at counselling as being "for girls" not us blokes but there are statistics showing that men arent asking for help enough, ffs, we hate stopping for directions or reading the instructions on any new item we buy.I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
Get what you are going to say straight, the symptoms and how they manifest themselves, I suspect the first course of action will be a bit of an MOT and a selection of blood tests, initially it wont be deep and meaningful therapy, GP's dont do that, if they think this is more mental than physical then they will send you to a specialist in that area, otherwise it may be an Endocrinologist or other discipline if they get some out of spec levels for anything, as mentioned, Testosterone, Thyroid etc etc.
Not exactly the same but I have been down a similar route and am I glad I went instead of just putting up with things.
Also, you dont sound like you are struggling cash wise, if the GP gives you a referral, it can take a while on the NHS, if you can afford it or have cover, dont hang on, just go private, the NHS do a fine job but they are a bit overloaded !
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