Mid Life Crisis Experiences
Discussion
Derek, this is the beginning of a slippery slope, believe me. As others have stated, this looks like the classic onset of depression, particularly reference to having lost interest in everything. I suffered very similar symptoms about three or four years ago. In addition to a quite traumatic job-change, it culminated in an horrific breakdown.
Whatever you think is wrong with you, don't ignore it - it may be the beginning of something more significant.
Whatever you think is wrong with you, don't ignore it - it may be the beginning of something more significant.
FlyingMeeces said:
..If you can seriously afford to consider retirement, then get out of that job you don't like - you can cushion yourself to find other work (I agree that boredom could be an issue and potentially harmful), go back to uni, retrain or whatever. ...
This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. It sounds like you are in a fortunate position financially, why not capitalise on that and think about a job or industry that you would actually be interested in working in.I'm just about to interview a guy (in 10 mins!) that currently works in a mid-level account management position and wants to change careers and has applied for my entry level trainee product manager position.
New surroundings bring new vigour and also potential new friends
giger said:
FlyingMeeces said:
..If you can seriously afford to consider retirement, then get out of that job you don't like - you can cushion yourself to find other work (I agree that boredom could be an issue and potentially harmful), go back to uni, retrain or whatever. ...
This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. It sounds like you are in a fortunate position financially, why not capitalise on that and think about a job or industry that you would actually be interested in working in.I'm just about to interview a guy (in 10 mins!) that currently works in a mid-level account management position and wants to change careers and has applied for my entry level trainee product manager position.
New surroundings bring new vigour and also potential new friends
Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 5th October 14:31
Derek Donkey said:
Trying out new things would be good if I wasn't working, I just have no idea what I'd enjoy, but know it wouldn't be anything remotely practical as I'm useless at that.
I can't run as I have knees which seem not to like running any longer so do other exercise at the gym now.
Part of being away so much has meant I've put on weight and have back problems now too.
Having now been home for 5 days I feel more positive than last week and actually wen t out one night at the weekend, but know when I get sent away again to middle of nowhere in 10 days I feel awful.
I've started contacting recruiters now as it'll take months to find another suitable role.........
What do you do for work? Is there no way you can chat with your seniors and see if you can get the travel scaled back a bit?I can't run as I have knees which seem not to like running any longer so do other exercise at the gym now.
Part of being away so much has meant I've put on weight and have back problems now too.
Having now been home for 5 days I feel more positive than last week and actually wen t out one night at the weekend, but know when I get sent away again to middle of nowhere in 10 days I feel awful.
I've started contacting recruiters now as it'll take months to find another suitable role.........
You can practice a bit of Yoga, some gentle exercise, mindfulness and abuse of prostitutes in any hotel room anywhere on the planet, and get a decent breakfast before work - don't you know?
FredClogs said:
Derek Donkey said:
Trying out new things would be good if I wasn't working, I just have no idea what I'd enjoy, but know it wouldn't be anything remotely practical as I'm useless at that.
I can't run as I have knees which seem not to like running any longer so do other exercise at the gym now.
Part of being away so much has meant I've put on weight and have back problems now too.
Having now been home for 5 days I feel more positive than last week and actually wen t out one night at the weekend, but know when I get sent away again to middle of nowhere in 10 days I feel awful.
I've started contacting recruiters now as it'll take months to find another suitable role.........
What do you do for work? Is there no way you can chat with your seniors and see if you can get the travel scaled back a bit?I can't run as I have knees which seem not to like running any longer so do other exercise at the gym now.
Part of being away so much has meant I've put on weight and have back problems now too.
Having now been home for 5 days I feel more positive than last week and actually wen t out one night at the weekend, but know when I get sent away again to middle of nowhere in 10 days I feel awful.
I've started contacting recruiters now as it'll take months to find another suitable role.........
You can practice a bit of Yoga, some gentle exercise, mindfulness and abuse of prostitutes in any hotel room anywhere on the planet, and get a decent breakfast before work - don't you know?
You might have to live in a smaller house , not have the flash cars but if you've got that and not happy you have nothing to loose.
Watching with interest here, as others have said, ALOT of this is ringing true with me.
The main difference is my general outlook.
Despite being in an above average job, enjoying a nice car and road trip holidays
Despite my friends/family all living too far away and two failed marriages (one VERY recently - SWT), and a daughter who doesn't want to know me...
and despite contemplating suicide (Suicide is a cowards way out and it'd hurt everyone I know)
I can't shake the thought that I'm STILL luckier than millions and millions of people around the world.
So despite living in a crappy rented house, I can still cycle through nature, take in some scenery, paint some pictures and plan my forthcoming CBT, watch a blockbuster at home or at the cinema...
None of the above are passions particularly and I miss having a partner ALOT (Tinder and all the others are failing my high standards
), I'm sure that'll work itself out...
The idea that life is generally pointless I can deal with, the idea that death is coming and I'll never be back, I dealt with when I was around 10.... planning fun things to do, that I haven't done before, or new places to go are the only thing really keeping me going, that and hopefully seeing my daughter again one day...
If your mind is not strong enough to feel that there are things to look forward to, plan for or learn, then you need to find a way to strengthen your mind, be it via the GP, a psychologist, religion or whatever...
I opened up to psychology years ago....my parents thought it weak and hokum, I thought it rather saved me. Being able to communicate how you feel and just be heard...it's so valuable, better than keeping a diary (which also helped - nothing like reading how pathetic you've become to shake you up a bit)..
Good luck with whatever solution you use... just make sure you DO use one... asap. If your fear death, you'd better not be wasting the life bit
The older people I've known (grandparents) none of them feared death, on the whole they welcomed it...because, they'd lead full and satisfying lives...and were worn out
The main difference is my general outlook.
Despite being in an above average job, enjoying a nice car and road trip holidays
Despite my friends/family all living too far away and two failed marriages (one VERY recently - SWT), and a daughter who doesn't want to know me...
and despite contemplating suicide (Suicide is a cowards way out and it'd hurt everyone I know)
I can't shake the thought that I'm STILL luckier than millions and millions of people around the world.
So despite living in a crappy rented house, I can still cycle through nature, take in some scenery, paint some pictures and plan my forthcoming CBT, watch a blockbuster at home or at the cinema...
None of the above are passions particularly and I miss having a partner ALOT (Tinder and all the others are failing my high standards
), I'm sure that'll work itself out...The idea that life is generally pointless I can deal with, the idea that death is coming and I'll never be back, I dealt with when I was around 10.... planning fun things to do, that I haven't done before, or new places to go are the only thing really keeping me going, that and hopefully seeing my daughter again one day...
If your mind is not strong enough to feel that there are things to look forward to, plan for or learn, then you need to find a way to strengthen your mind, be it via the GP, a psychologist, religion or whatever...
I opened up to psychology years ago....my parents thought it weak and hokum, I thought it rather saved me. Being able to communicate how you feel and just be heard...it's so valuable, better than keeping a diary (which also helped - nothing like reading how pathetic you've become to shake you up a bit)..
Good luck with whatever solution you use... just make sure you DO use one... asap. If your fear death, you'd better not be wasting the life bit
The older people I've known (grandparents) none of them feared death, on the whole they welcomed it...because, they'd lead full and satisfying lives...and were worn out 
To answer a couple of the questions.
I'm an Accountant, but in a specific field which has me travelling too much (don't want to say exactly what it is as people might recognise me!). Travel plans can't be changed (it's complicated and has got very penny pinching of late which really doesn't help and is having a small detrimental health effect).
I am now actively looking for a new roie or even a part-time role. One has come up this week that whilst with the same level of travel, is in a field I worked in for 10+ years and would actually be quite excited to get back in to, plus it would not be travelling alone and the locations would be significantly better too.
I don't think I want to give up work altogether, but it's comforting to know I can should things get too much, it would just require a bit of lifestyle adjustment, so I'm looking for a change. I can't get out of what I'm doing quickly and once I get this quarter out the way things should improve a little.
New friends is also true both in and out of work, of the people I work with, I only care about one of them and the rest are not exactly a friendly bunch so even when I'm in the office there's not a lot of chat, plus I live 25+ miles from the office so would never socialise with them due to distance.
Another weekend though, so that's positive!
I'm an Accountant, but in a specific field which has me travelling too much (don't want to say exactly what it is as people might recognise me!). Travel plans can't be changed (it's complicated and has got very penny pinching of late which really doesn't help and is having a small detrimental health effect).
I am now actively looking for a new roie or even a part-time role. One has come up this week that whilst with the same level of travel, is in a field I worked in for 10+ years and would actually be quite excited to get back in to, plus it would not be travelling alone and the locations would be significantly better too.
I don't think I want to give up work altogether, but it's comforting to know I can should things get too much, it would just require a bit of lifestyle adjustment, so I'm looking for a change. I can't get out of what I'm doing quickly and once I get this quarter out the way things should improve a little.
New friends is also true both in and out of work, of the people I work with, I only care about one of them and the rest are not exactly a friendly bunch so even when I'm in the office there's not a lot of chat, plus I live 25+ miles from the office so would never socialise with them due to distance.
Another weekend though, so that's positive!
OP, I'm not sure what you are going through but it does sound a lot more like depression than midlife crisis as I understand it. The terms perhaps don't really matter but I found that a midlife crisis motivated me to do more things rather than less (plenty of playing sportscars but no shagging 20 year olds, sadly, probably better for the marriage though!).
It does sound like your job is an issue but finding something else that excites you outside of work may well be the real answer. Even if you quit your job tomorrow, with nothing to replace the time that it currently consumes I'm not sure you'd be any happier.
I'd seriously consider the advice about getting checked out medically but also some of the half-serious comments about dating or at least getting more socially involved through groups/hobbies etc.
I suspect most people are basically lazy (as you've suggested you are, I'd say the same for myself) and unmotivated but having someone to do things with or that depends on you can be a good source of drive and satisfaction, maybe some first-step dating would be worth trying even if it was just as a new challenge or distraction from your day job issues. It might not work out or go anywhere but it sounds better than sitting unhappily at home. Have you considered that dating girls may not actually be what you are inclined towards? You wouldn't be the first 40-something to come to this realisation but most of them already have a wife and kids by then.........
Anyhow, just some random thoughts, I hope you can find some changes that help you move forward
.
It does sound like your job is an issue but finding something else that excites you outside of work may well be the real answer. Even if you quit your job tomorrow, with nothing to replace the time that it currently consumes I'm not sure you'd be any happier.
I'd seriously consider the advice about getting checked out medically but also some of the half-serious comments about dating or at least getting more socially involved through groups/hobbies etc.
I suspect most people are basically lazy (as you've suggested you are, I'd say the same for myself) and unmotivated but having someone to do things with or that depends on you can be a good source of drive and satisfaction, maybe some first-step dating would be worth trying even if it was just as a new challenge or distraction from your day job issues. It might not work out or go anywhere but it sounds better than sitting unhappily at home. Have you considered that dating girls may not actually be what you are inclined towards? You wouldn't be the first 40-something to come to this realisation but most of them already have a wife and kids by then.........
Anyhow, just some random thoughts, I hope you can find some changes that help you move forward
.I've got no interest in dating anyone, never have, can't see that I ever will tbh, so that's not a solution to my issues I don't think......
The job is, so I'm going to try and do something about that but expect it will take 6-12 months to find something suitable and I don't just want to leave with nothing to go to or nothing to fill the void of working, so need to find something in the same field or explore something I think I'll like, even if it is for a significantly lower salary and take it from there.
I feel much happier having been at home for a week now but am already dreading having to go away again next week.....
The job is, so I'm going to try and do something about that but expect it will take 6-12 months to find something suitable and I don't just want to leave with nothing to go to or nothing to fill the void of working, so need to find something in the same field or explore something I think I'll like, even if it is for a significantly lower salary and take it from there.
I feel much happier having been at home for a week now but am already dreading having to go away again next week.....
Derek Donkey said:
I've got no interest in dating anyone, never have, can't see that I ever will tbh, so that's not a solution to my issues I don't think......
The job is, so I'm going to try and do something about that but expect it will take 6-12 months to find something suitable and I don't just want to leave with nothing to go to or nothing to fill the void of working, so need to find something in the same field or explore something I think I'll like, even if it is for a significantly lower salary and take it from there.
I feel much happier having been at home for a week now but am already dreading having to go away again next week.....
Why spend 6-12 months finding something suitable ?The job is, so I'm going to try and do something about that but expect it will take 6-12 months to find something suitable and I don't just want to leave with nothing to go to or nothing to fill the void of working, so need to find something in the same field or explore something I think I'll like, even if it is for a significantly lower salary and take it from there.
I feel much happier having been at home for a week now but am already dreading having to go away again next week.....
If you can afford it just change to something different, yes you might be on far less pay but what's the point of having the money and all the toys you can buy with it if your unhappy.
You could ditch the job and bang no more working weeks abroad for you which you say makes you unhappy.
You say you go to the gym, what do you do there?
Would you be interested in getting into body building/ more dedicated fitness?
It affects more than just one aspect of your life, there is a lot of information to digest about it. You could spend hours daily just on youtube!
The whole lifestyle will mean you meet people who are willing to talk to you and share their experiences.
The challenge of staying on your diet whilst away will give you a focus as will finding an adequate gym or fitness routine if there is no gym!
Also before you say it doesn't appeal, set yourself a goal (bench 100kg or squat 120kg), reasearch how to reach that goal and attempt to get there, once you start to see the change it may motivate you.
Would you be interested in getting into body building/ more dedicated fitness?
It affects more than just one aspect of your life, there is a lot of information to digest about it. You could spend hours daily just on youtube!
The whole lifestyle will mean you meet people who are willing to talk to you and share their experiences.
The challenge of staying on your diet whilst away will give you a focus as will finding an adequate gym or fitness routine if there is no gym!
Also before you say it doesn't appeal, set yourself a goal (bench 100kg or squat 120kg), reasearch how to reach that goal and attempt to get there, once you start to see the change it may motivate you.
If you aren't clinically depressed or have low testosterone (both worth checking) then life is too short to keep on doing a job you aren't happy with -it is a major chunk of your life after all.
Try doing something different, join a rock choir, can be great fun and another way of making a new group of friends. Join a walking group -same thing.
Good luck though whatever you decide.
Try doing something different, join a rock choir, can be great fun and another way of making a new group of friends. Join a walking group -same thing.
Good luck though whatever you decide.
Not sure I just want to walk out of my current job, as my upbringing has taught never to leave a job without another to go to, and even if I decided to go and work in a supermarket I'd still need to apply.
I have no idea what I'd do, apart from my current line of work, so I think it would take time to find something else that I'd be interested in and in the meantime I'm looking for a better job (from my perspective) or even part-time doing what I do now.
All the time I'm working I'm more financially secure so that when I stop working or take a cut then I'm in a better position. Unfortunately, I couldn't leave immediately as I'm in no doubt my company would hold me to the majority of my 6 month notice period anyway.
At the gym I do classes rather than weights, and am the wrong age and wrong type of person to get into bodybuilding.
My diet is poor at the best of times and worse when away but it's not something I can change as I'm too fussy.
I also still think I should be far more grateful for the life I have, given it's better than so many others all over the world...
I have no idea what I'd do, apart from my current line of work, so I think it would take time to find something else that I'd be interested in and in the meantime I'm looking for a better job (from my perspective) or even part-time doing what I do now.
All the time I'm working I'm more financially secure so that when I stop working or take a cut then I'm in a better position. Unfortunately, I couldn't leave immediately as I'm in no doubt my company would hold me to the majority of my 6 month notice period anyway.
At the gym I do classes rather than weights, and am the wrong age and wrong type of person to get into bodybuilding.
My diet is poor at the best of times and worse when away but it's not something I can change as I'm too fussy.
I also still think I should be far more grateful for the life I have, given it's better than so many others all over the world...
Brads67 said:
Life is too short mate.
I suspect you already know what you want to do but are convincing yourself otherwise.
Quit the s
t job and find something you like doing.
As for the rest, regards women , hobbies etc. If thats all true then talk to a GP as well while you`re at it.
Or even a job you don't especially like but with no working weeks away would be better than the current situation.I suspect you already know what you want to do but are convincing yourself otherwise.
Quit the s
t job and find something you like doing.As for the rest, regards women , hobbies etc. If thats all true then talk to a GP as well while you`re at it.
The trouble with "going to work in a supermarket" is that actually doing it isn't that easy.
Not only do you have to apply, but you need to convince them to give you an interview, and that means getting past the "why does he want to do this given his CV?" situation. You would need a covering letter that convinces them you are not looking for a stopgap job and will clear off in a month or two when something better comes along.
If your current role is senior, they will also wonder how you'll adapt to suddenly being told what to do by people many years younger than you.
They will normally have more suitable candidates for the role, and that's a harsh reality when people are considering "career downsizing". It's not as simple as just walking into some rubbish job, and when it starts to become clear that you can't actually get these sort of jobs, it can hit your morale, dramatically.
Not only do you have to apply, but you need to convince them to give you an interview, and that means getting past the "why does he want to do this given his CV?" situation. You would need a covering letter that convinces them you are not looking for a stopgap job and will clear off in a month or two when something better comes along.
If your current role is senior, they will also wonder how you'll adapt to suddenly being told what to do by people many years younger than you.
They will normally have more suitable candidates for the role, and that's a harsh reality when people are considering "career downsizing". It's not as simple as just walking into some rubbish job, and when it starts to become clear that you can't actually get these sort of jobs, it can hit your morale, dramatically.
jq74 said:
It could be worth considering a ayahuasca retreat to help find the answers... a good friend of mine has benefited hugely from this type of experience recently. Do a bit of research, no one has mentioned this yet but I think it could be the solution.
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