Mid Life Crisis Experiences
Discussion
I dont think it's a mid life crisis as such, but I guess it depends how you define whatever it is that's bothering you.
In my early 30s I thought I had a good job as well. It wasnt good at all, it was s
t. The money was decent but the job wasnt good. It involved being sent out to California 3 weeks out of 4, coming home for a week and then doing it again.
Friends at first were 'Oooh, so jealous, you get to go to California and you dont have to pay anything' but I was there on my own, in business hotels over weekends exchanging pleasantries with hotel staff and the people I'd meet would be around for a few days on business then they'd be off home.
After 6 weeks of doing this people back in the UK stopped inviting me to social occasions. I was trying to hold down a relationship with a girlfriend who was nuts to begin with, and this wasnt helping matters. I also had cats being looked after by Petpals every day and was selling my house at the same time.
But, the money was alright.
After maybe 7 months I'd had enough. My body clock was fked, I didnt know which way was up, I'd lost contact with a lot of friends, had buried myself in my work and was breaking up with the girlfriend on every other call.
I jacked it with nothing really to go to, but anything, or really, nothing was better than that. It made me realise that for the past 10 years I'd gone out of my way to do things for bosses under either threat or fear (ie this is a good job, I owe it to these people and to myself to work hard and do the best I can)
Really though, they were fking me in the arse and I was dumb enough to let them do it many times over.
ETA - those saying go travelling. When you've done so much travel it hurts your balls to get back on a plane, and you recognise the cabin crew and they know your name, the last thing you want to do is do more travel. Sometimes you just want to sit in your own sofa and watch your own telly.
It takes a mindset change a) not to people please and b) to take an amount of control back as to what you actually want to do with your life.
For me, I had to change a lot of things I was doing and things I was thinking. I was too cold really to properly interact with other people in a sensible friendly way. I was heavily depressed also, and I got into a private psychotherapist who part ran an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT, I'd recommend it to anyone) session really changed a lot of my thinking. I was also fairly reliant on anti depressants for about 6 months. All of which helped me massively.
I went from pretty much having nothing but a bit of money and a sense of entitlement with no real friends or interactions to less money, better job for me, happier life, married and a kid over a 3 year period. Which is what I wanted really, though it took me about a year and some fairly searching questions to figure that out.
In my early 30s I thought I had a good job as well. It wasnt good at all, it was s
t. The money was decent but the job wasnt good. It involved being sent out to California 3 weeks out of 4, coming home for a week and then doing it again. Friends at first were 'Oooh, so jealous, you get to go to California and you dont have to pay anything' but I was there on my own, in business hotels over weekends exchanging pleasantries with hotel staff and the people I'd meet would be around for a few days on business then they'd be off home.
After 6 weeks of doing this people back in the UK stopped inviting me to social occasions. I was trying to hold down a relationship with a girlfriend who was nuts to begin with, and this wasnt helping matters. I also had cats being looked after by Petpals every day and was selling my house at the same time.
But, the money was alright.
After maybe 7 months I'd had enough. My body clock was f
ked, I didnt know which way was up, I'd lost contact with a lot of friends, had buried myself in my work and was breaking up with the girlfriend on every other call. I jacked it with nothing really to go to, but anything, or really, nothing was better than that. It made me realise that for the past 10 years I'd gone out of my way to do things for bosses under either threat or fear (ie this is a good job, I owe it to these people and to myself to work hard and do the best I can)
Really though, they were f
king me in the arse and I was dumb enough to let them do it many times over. ETA - those saying go travelling. When you've done so much travel it hurts your balls to get back on a plane, and you recognise the cabin crew and they know your name, the last thing you want to do is do more travel. Sometimes you just want to sit in your own sofa and watch your own telly.
It takes a mindset change a) not to people please and b) to take an amount of control back as to what you actually want to do with your life.
For me, I had to change a lot of things I was doing and things I was thinking. I was too cold really to properly interact with other people in a sensible friendly way. I was heavily depressed also, and I got into a private psychotherapist who part ran an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT, I'd recommend it to anyone) session really changed a lot of my thinking. I was also fairly reliant on anti depressants for about 6 months. All of which helped me massively.
I went from pretty much having nothing but a bit of money and a sense of entitlement with no real friends or interactions to less money, better job for me, happier life, married and a kid over a 3 year period. Which is what I wanted really, though it took me about a year and some fairly searching questions to figure that out.
Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 12th October 11:25
Get back to nature basically get out of the rat race for a while
I did I went for long walks in the forest and the coast listening to the early morning bird calls had a good look around me and realized how beautiful nature really is it is the best therapy you can have and its free! some seem to strive for the best house best car designer this and that but does it make you happy ? get back to basics Declutter your life best things in life really are free good luck!
I did I went for long walks in the forest and the coast listening to the early morning bird calls had a good look around me and realized how beautiful nature really is it is the best therapy you can have and its free! some seem to strive for the best house best car designer this and that but does it make you happy ? get back to basics Declutter your life best things in life really are free good luck!
Fishseller bumped this thread on Saturday, and I was how you (Derek Donkey) were getting along, as you haven't posted since October.
What struck me was feeling of a lack of control. This can be a symptom of depression, and sometimes a cause too. (Lookup Learned Helplessness.)
If you are suffering from depression, then I urge you to get it treated. Whilst it is considered "the common cold of mental health", someone who has a serious bout has roughly a one in six lifetime risk of committing suicide.
I struggle with depression myself. I think that the contributing factors in my case were moving around a lot with work (I had a period of several years where I couldn't tell you where I'd be living in six months), no social circle due to relocating, long periods of unemployment during the recession, and a severely ill family member.
There can be underlying causes for these problems. I'm possibly at the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum. (I say possibly because I had an assessment a few years back, and it came back negative, but the psychologist I'm dealing with now believes I am.) One of my brother's friends was diagnosed as having ADHD after years of problems, and feels relief that he now knows the cause.
As others have said, go see a doctor if you haven't already. Ideally, get a bunch of bloodwork done, and make sure that there's nothing out of whack there.
Lastly, it sounds like you hated your job. Can you cut back on the travelling, or find another?
I've found that companies demand a huge amount of loyalty and sacrifice from their employees, but quite often don't reciprocate. Don't put up with something that's screwing you up, because your boss asks you. He or she will have no compunction about letting you go the minute it suits them.
What struck me was feeling of a lack of control. This can be a symptom of depression, and sometimes a cause too. (Lookup Learned Helplessness.)
If you are suffering from depression, then I urge you to get it treated. Whilst it is considered "the common cold of mental health", someone who has a serious bout has roughly a one in six lifetime risk of committing suicide.
I struggle with depression myself. I think that the contributing factors in my case were moving around a lot with work (I had a period of several years where I couldn't tell you where I'd be living in six months), no social circle due to relocating, long periods of unemployment during the recession, and a severely ill family member.
There can be underlying causes for these problems. I'm possibly at the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum. (I say possibly because I had an assessment a few years back, and it came back negative, but the psychologist I'm dealing with now believes I am.) One of my brother's friends was diagnosed as having ADHD after years of problems, and feels relief that he now knows the cause.
As others have said, go see a doctor if you haven't already. Ideally, get a bunch of bloodwork done, and make sure that there's nothing out of whack there.
Lastly, it sounds like you hated your job. Can you cut back on the travelling, or find another?
I've found that companies demand a huge amount of loyalty and sacrifice from their employees, but quite often don't reciprocate. Don't put up with something that's screwing you up, because your boss asks you. He or she will have no compunction about letting you go the minute it suits them.
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