Ex wants to stay friends - plea for advice
Discussion
Du1point8 said:
Whats to lose?
Dignity, sanity, the rest of your money, allegations of X/Y/Z if you move on with someone else, She will want sympathy/shoulder to cry on etc...
Nope nope nope
I must admit I was moved to wonder what's left that she could do to me. When she signed the consent order, she signed away any claim to current or future monies (note to self, win lottery jackpot) and any interest in the house. Dignity, sanity, the rest of your money, allegations of X/Y/Z if you move on with someone else, She will want sympathy/shoulder to cry on etc...
Nope nope nope
Allegations of X/Y/Z/? I think I've had them all already. Sympathy? This and the crying shoulder may well be withdrawn.
lurky said:
Du1point8 said:
Whats to lose?
Dignity, sanity, the rest of your money, allegations of X/Y/Z if you move on with someone else, She will want sympathy/shoulder to cry on etc...
Nope nope nope
I must admit I was moved to wonder what's left that she could do to me. When she signed the consent order, she signed away any claim to current or future monies (note to self, win lottery jackpot) and any interest in the house. Dignity, sanity, the rest of your money, allegations of X/Y/Z if you move on with someone else, She will want sympathy/shoulder to cry on etc...
Nope nope nope
Allegations of X/Y/Z/? I think I've had them all already. Sympathy? This and the crying shoulder may well be withdrawn.
Why even bother trying to be friends with someone who decided you were not good enough?
First sniff of someone else around, she wont even remember your name, only doing it at the moment as she has not got that someone else yet.
Du1point8 said:
So you have none of the others, so just dignity and sanity...
Why even bother trying to be friends with someone who decided you were not good enough?
First sniff of someone else around, she wont even remember your name, only doing it at the moment as she has not got that someone else yet.
ThisWhy even bother trying to be friends with someone who decided you were not good enough?
First sniff of someone else around, she wont even remember your name, only doing it at the moment as she has not got that someone else yet.
CanAm said:
As someone said in another PH thread, a woman in relationships is like a monkey swinging through trees; it won't let go of one branch until it's got hold of the next one.
This alsoQuote from your original post
"I proposed and she binned her then husband. She came to live with me"
So she was seeing you behind her husbands back.
You will be the next binned ex husband very soon.
Don't put yourself back into that situation. If she hurts you now you only have yourself to blame.
Love is blindness and you need to see a optician
There's something I keep coming back to with the OPs tone, and it's quite hard to pin down.
I think, though I'm not sure, that you think you've got some power in this relationship. You think you can withdraw the goodies and it'll send her to ruin, or a life of weeping and wondering if you decide to. You'll take away 'the crying shoulder'
The thing is, she's got all the power in this relationship. I dont mean money, I dont mean material things, I mean she's got you running around here there and everywhere at her beck and call. It's fairly clear she's orchestrated this and is completely running the show. In my opinion of course. She's dependent on you as a care giver, but it's not 'you' or any part of 'you' that's interesting to her. You can, and probably will be replaced with another care giver.
I dont know if you're saving face, but when you delve a bit deeper into your phrasing and tone, I think you know that you're kind of clinging on to this one a bit.
For your own sake, sanity and welfare, and having been in something similar....if this is the case, make a hard break and while you've got to interact, keep it to a minimum, polite, amicable and just to the topics you need to deal with.
I think, though I'm not sure, that you think you've got some power in this relationship. You think you can withdraw the goodies and it'll send her to ruin, or a life of weeping and wondering if you decide to. You'll take away 'the crying shoulder'
The thing is, she's got all the power in this relationship. I dont mean money, I dont mean material things, I mean she's got you running around here there and everywhere at her beck and call. It's fairly clear she's orchestrated this and is completely running the show. In my opinion of course. She's dependent on you as a care giver, but it's not 'you' or any part of 'you' that's interesting to her. You can, and probably will be replaced with another care giver.
I dont know if you're saving face, but when you delve a bit deeper into your phrasing and tone, I think you know that you're kind of clinging on to this one a bit.
For your own sake, sanity and welfare, and having been in something similar....if this is the case, make a hard break and while you've got to interact, keep it to a minimum, polite, amicable and just to the topics you need to deal with.
SpeckledJim said:
OP now suspected of being a bit of a wally.
Latest: OP confirmed out of it.You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/electrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so f
king wonderful.No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
Edited by lurky on Thursday 17th November 18:18
lurky said:
SpeckledJim said:
OP now suspected of being a bit of a wally.
Latest: OP confirmed out of it.You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/ekectrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so f
king wonderful.No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
lurky said:
SpeckledJim said:
OP now suspected of being a bit of a wally.
Latest: OP confirmed out of it.You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/ekectrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so f
king wonderful.No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
lurky said:
Latest: OP confirmed out of it.
You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/ekectrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so fking wonderful.
No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
Well done. It takes a month to break a habit - so make sure you don't contact her for a month and then it will be easy. By Christmas you'll wonder what you were ever doing!You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/ekectrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so f
king wonderful.No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
[quote=lurky]
Latest: OP confirmed out of it.
You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/electrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so fking wonderful.
No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
Glad you have seen her true colours now before she hooked you again.
It is not easy accepting this as I am sure most of us have been in a situation in the past regarding an ex.
You will be feeling a bit crap just now but you will look back thinking you have dodged a bullet.
Good luck mate.
Latest: OP confirmed out of it.
You're all quite right of course and your input has finally dislodged the scales from my eyes.
I simply concluded that the treatment I'm receiving would never come from a friend.
In short, I won't be a free gopher/plumber/electrician/handyman any more.
Her 'friend with benefits' (they'll be shagging tonight ) can take on this role if he's so f
king wonderful.No contact? She's started that bit!
And on that bombshell...
Thanks, chaps.
Glad you have seen her true colours now before she hooked you again.
It is not easy accepting this as I am sure most of us have been in a situation in the past regarding an ex.
You will be feeling a bit crap just now but you will look back thinking you have dodged a bullet.
Good luck mate.
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