Ex wants to stay friends - plea for advice
Discussion
Fastchas said:
Damn - she could eat and apple through a chain link fence. 
hyphen said:
Would I be correct in saying that whilst you don't actually want her anymore, you fear that your future lovers may not physically be as attractive or as fun in the bedroom as this one?
These are frames of reference that have been been seriously undermined by the passing of time, given that the nookie stopped dead in mid-2014. I was made to sleep downstairs then as she'd decided I was about to physically attack her- alcohol-induced paranoia. I've had other lovers in the past but never one that used sex as a bargaining chip or as a means of applying mental pain.
Mature reflection verifies that bedroom fun isn't so much fun when it carries penalties. Equally, the degree of attractivenes diminishes with the type of terms and conditions applied.
Edited by lurky on Wednesday 2nd November 00:57
Edited by lurky on Wednesday 2nd November 14:34
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Intrigued to see though how whenever anyone gives a 'proper' answer, you grasp it OP.
Well, I brought to PH a situation unprecedented in my experience and being emotionally one of the walking wounded, I sought advice and support. The reponses have been great - a mixture of the funny and the intelligently put forward. For my part, I've done nothing more than tell the truth and the 'proper' responses have been enlightening. Some have helped me admit some stuff to myself. I know she's using me and to an extent, I'm allowing this to happen. Why? I'm not sure. It could be for old times' sake but it's more likely that I'm reinforcing my usefulness as a 'fixer'.
The irony is that I've little thirst for revenge. I wanted to be 'fair' (a watchword of mine) to her,I have been. Even if I elected not to help any more, she couldn't afford to take me back to court for breaking the consent order.
IMHO, the crux of the matter is that my input will cease next March. I can continue as is until then and I reckon she'll probably have sunk without trace and/or sold up and disappeared by then.
OP, you probably don't need me to add, but it's another nope from me.
You sound like a decent chap who has been taken advantage of. Do the minimum to keep the Judge happy, I doubt there will be any comeback if you don't, especially if it is due to a health issue..
Hanging up when she talks off topic is acceptable and sensible to maintain your own sanity. New mobile no to send round to your mates in March
You sound like a decent chap who has been taken advantage of. Do the minimum to keep the Judge happy, I doubt there will be any comeback if you don't, especially if it is due to a health issue..
Hanging up when she talks off topic is acceptable and sensible to maintain your own sanity. New mobile no to send round to your mates in March
It's time for an update, with grateful thanks all round for your collective and individual sage advice.
I've been busy prepping the house to holiday let the ground floor. It's coming along but I have to wait for the council to extractus digitatus. Planning permission is necessary - the house will be considered as two dwellings, with me living over the shop, as it were.
As for her ladyship, she's yet to let the other flat, no takers so far. It turns out that she's spent half her lump sum on legal fees. The 20/20 vision of hindsight has naturally revealed that it would've been better to go for the two years' separation thing. Then again, a fight is a fight.
With her, the drinking continues but so does the best behaviour. Having laid out the boundaries very clearly (ie not a word to me about boyfriend events), I've come up with a good solution. The thing is, we'd known one another in our late teens and then were together for over 12 years. It seemed a shame to just cut loose, especially as some good could come from staying in touch. So, I came up with this...
Mutualism is an offshoot of a symbiotic relationship, and it's an agreed status with no formal ties. One participant helps the other and vice versa and, with the ground rules carefully laid out it's completely workable.
In this instance, I help her with her new flat and she helps with my new business arrangements. For example, I've done a few little household jobs and the associated errands. In return, she's helping with ideas on setting up my new holiday let and how to run the housekeeping side.
In addition, I've helped her get rid of two nasty bfs who were hassling her. We've seen a couple of films together and I'll occasionally nip round for a meal.
It's working well so far and if she gets stroppy, all I need to do is walk. It's really quite civilised and keeps conflict to a minimum.
I've been busy prepping the house to holiday let the ground floor. It's coming along but I have to wait for the council to extractus digitatus. Planning permission is necessary - the house will be considered as two dwellings, with me living over the shop, as it were.
As for her ladyship, she's yet to let the other flat, no takers so far. It turns out that she's spent half her lump sum on legal fees. The 20/20 vision of hindsight has naturally revealed that it would've been better to go for the two years' separation thing. Then again, a fight is a fight.
With her, the drinking continues but so does the best behaviour. Having laid out the boundaries very clearly (ie not a word to me about boyfriend events), I've come up with a good solution. The thing is, we'd known one another in our late teens and then were together for over 12 years. It seemed a shame to just cut loose, especially as some good could come from staying in touch. So, I came up with this...
Mutualism is an offshoot of a symbiotic relationship, and it's an agreed status with no formal ties. One participant helps the other and vice versa and, with the ground rules carefully laid out it's completely workable.
In this instance, I help her with her new flat and she helps with my new business arrangements. For example, I've done a few little household jobs and the associated errands. In return, she's helping with ideas on setting up my new holiday let and how to run the housekeeping side.
In addition, I've helped her get rid of two nasty bfs who were hassling her. We've seen a couple of films together and I'll occasionally nip round for a meal.
It's working well so far and if she gets stroppy, all I need to do is walk. It's really quite civilised and keeps conflict to a minimum.
lurky said:
It's time for an update, with grateful thanks all round for your collective and individual sage advice.
I've been busy prepping the house to holiday let the ground floor. It's coming along but I have to wait for the council to extractus digitatus. Planning permission is necessary - the house will be considered as two dwellings, with me living over the shop, as it were.
As for her ladyship, she's yet to let the other flat, no takers so far. It turns out that she's spent half her lump sum on legal fees. The 20/20 vision of hindsight has naturally revealed that it would've been better to go for the two years' separation thing. Then again, a fight is a fight.
With her, the drinking continues but so does the best behaviour. Having laid out the boundaries very clearly (ie not a word to me about boyfriend events), I've come up with a good solution. The thing is, we'd known one another in our late teens and then were together for over 12 years. It seemed a shame to just cut loose, especially as some good could come from staying in touch. So, I came up with this...
Mutualism is an offshoot of a symbiotic relationship, and it's an agreed status with no formal ties. One participant helps the other and vice versa and, with the ground rules carefully laid out it's completely workable.
In this instance, I help her with her new flat and she helps with my new business arrangements. For example, I've done a few little household jobs and the associated errands. In return, she's helping with ideas on setting up my new holiday let and how to run the housekeeping side.
In addition, I've helped her get rid of two nasty bfs who were hassling her. We've seen a couple of films together and I'll occasionally nip round for a meal.
It's working well so far and if she gets stroppy, all I need to do is walk. It's really quite civilised and keeps conflict to a minimum.
It will never work but good luck.I've been busy prepping the house to holiday let the ground floor. It's coming along but I have to wait for the council to extractus digitatus. Planning permission is necessary - the house will be considered as two dwellings, with me living over the shop, as it were.
As for her ladyship, she's yet to let the other flat, no takers so far. It turns out that she's spent half her lump sum on legal fees. The 20/20 vision of hindsight has naturally revealed that it would've been better to go for the two years' separation thing. Then again, a fight is a fight.
With her, the drinking continues but so does the best behaviour. Having laid out the boundaries very clearly (ie not a word to me about boyfriend events), I've come up with a good solution. The thing is, we'd known one another in our late teens and then were together for over 12 years. It seemed a shame to just cut loose, especially as some good could come from staying in touch. So, I came up with this...
Mutualism is an offshoot of a symbiotic relationship, and it's an agreed status with no formal ties. One participant helps the other and vice versa and, with the ground rules carefully laid out it's completely workable.
In this instance, I help her with her new flat and she helps with my new business arrangements. For example, I've done a few little household jobs and the associated errands. In return, she's helping with ideas on setting up my new holiday let and how to run the housekeeping side.
In addition, I've helped her get rid of two nasty bfs who were hassling her. We've seen a couple of films together and I'll occasionally nip round for a meal.
It's working well so far and if she gets stroppy, all I need to do is walk. It's really quite civilised and keeps conflict to a minimum.
You will need it.
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