Feeling down, not depressed, just empty.
Discussion
FN2TypeR said:
Exercise is a great way to kill time - it's good for you too, obviously, both physically and mentally. If you aren't fit walking is a great way to start, a walk can become a jog, which can become a run, you don't have to set the world alight with speeds, times or marathons but exercising would be a start me thinks.
Do you like dogs? Get one if you do, they're a companion if nobody else is around and they require a good bit of work to keep entertained, long walks in the cool winter air, or on a nice summers day, plus when it's wanting out for a s
te in the morning you have a good reason to get out of bed and get the day started!
If you're worried about depression I would speak to your GP.
Back in the Philippines I would go out for a walk for an hour every evening, a set route, took exactly 1h 6 mins, no matter how hard I tried to crank it up. I did that more from boredom and guilt and being a couch potato all day, but it was good.Do you like dogs? Get one if you do, they're a companion if nobody else is around and they require a good bit of work to keep entertained, long walks in the cool winter air, or on a nice summers day, plus when it's wanting out for a s
te in the morning you have a good reason to get out of bed and get the day started!If you're worried about depression I would speak to your GP.
Strange now, but the things I got so fed up of over there, the heat, the sun, everything so busy and chaotic, are the things I now totally miss here.
I'm doing my best to keep my daughter busy and positive as none of this disruption is her fault. I feel like I have messed up her young years, the ones that matter most, so I want to do the best I can to get her on track again.
SystemParanoia said:
Its not upto the school to accept-reject pupils.
Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.
I went down to the county council office yesterday, they gave me a phone number for the education department, I was told either appeal to the school that rejected her, or apply to another one. Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.
Not sure exactly who the LEA are, Local Education Authority? Any Googling just points me to gov.uk web sites, that all lead to the same department and essentially the same people. They basically give me the same two options mentioned above.
King Herald said:
Back in the Philippines I would go out for a walk for an hour every evening, a set route, took exactly 1h 6 mins, no matter how hard I tried to crank it up. I did that more from boredom and guilt and being a couch potato all day, but it was good.
Strange now, but the things I got so fed up of over there, the heat, the sun, everything so busy and chaotic, are the things I now totally miss here.
I'm doing my best to keep my daughter busy and positive as none of this disruption is her fault. I feel like I have messed up her young years, the ones that matter most, so I want to do the best I can to get her on track again.
Well, let's be honest, you're not there now and you're not going back. Strange now, but the things I got so fed up of over there, the heat, the sun, everything so busy and chaotic, are the things I now totally miss here.
I'm doing my best to keep my daughter busy and positive as none of this disruption is her fault. I feel like I have messed up her young years, the ones that matter most, so I want to do the best I can to get her on track again.
It's time to objectively look at things right now, in the present. It's Wednesday - wake up.
You're headed towards depression, you might already be there. Big life changes can affect the same person very differently at a different stage of their life. Be aware of it, dont make excuses - be honest with yourself and dont be too hard on yourself if you're not where you thought you would be today. There's the rest of the day to get through which can line tomorrow up much better
King Herald said:
SystemParanoia said:
Its not upto the school to accept-reject pupils.
Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.
I went down to the county council office yesterday, they gave me a phone number for the education department, I was told either appeal to the school that rejected her, or apply to another one. Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.
Not sure exactly who the LEA are, Local Education Authority? Any Googling just points me to gov.uk web sites, that all lead to the same department and essentially the same people. They basically give me the same two options mentioned above.
When it comes to dealing with disinterested government employees, you have to make a fuss... again and again and again, make so much of a fuss for so long and so often that they will sort it out just to get rid of you...
and conveniently, you have all the time in the world to be a pain to them.
andy-xr said:
Well, let's be honest, you're not there now and you're not going back.
It's time to objectively look at things right now, in the present. It's Wednesday - wake up.
You're headed towards depression, you might already be there. Big life changes can affect the same person very differently at a different stage of their life. Be aware of it, dont make excuses - be honest with yourself and dont be too hard on yourself if you're not where you thought you would be today. There's the rest of the day to get through which can line tomorrow up much better
I hear what you are saying, I know people who are disabled, unemployed, with terminal illnesses, and they seem to have more drive than I do. Embarrassingly enough. It is something I keep telling myself. It's time to objectively look at things right now, in the present. It's Wednesday - wake up.
You're headed towards depression, you might already be there. Big life changes can affect the same person very differently at a different stage of their life. Be aware of it, dont make excuses - be honest with yourself and dont be too hard on yourself if you're not where you thought you would be today. There's the rest of the day to get through which can line tomorrow up much better
When I get my teeth into something I really get into it, but just getting motivated is the problem I have recently.
I'm up, awake, breakfasted, coffeed-up, just got the get the daughter out of bed now.....
Get a dog as suggested. I got a lab puppy at xmas and it's fantastic to have something to focus on (training) and is so fking happy to see you even if you've just popped to the loo. Plus you can go for walks and if you've a dog friendly pub that you can go to, people just start talking to you. 
king happy to see you even if you've just popped to the loo. Plus you can go for walks and if you've a dog friendly pub that you can go to, people just start talking to you. Me again. By the sounds of it, if you were well fed up and a couch potato in the Philippines, you may well already have been having the starts of a depression there - the common "I'm retired, now what do I do?" thing that so many speak of. Coming back here hasn't perhaps caused your depression, just amplified it a bit - the realisation that a total change of scenery hasn't cured the malaise you had over there. The school playing silly buggers has knocked you off the rails far too easily.
Pills, however, really are not the answer. Walking and exercise is good, as is getting involved in stuff, helping others. Even if there was an animal sanctuary or rehoming centre locally that needed pairs of hands, perhaps. But keep active and interested.
Pills, however, really are not the answer. Walking and exercise is good, as is getting involved in stuff, helping others. Even if there was an animal sanctuary or rehoming centre locally that needed pairs of hands, perhaps. But keep active and interested.
King Herald said:
I hear what you are saying, I know people who are disabled, unemployed, with terminal illnesses, and they seem to have more drive than I do. Embarrassingly enough. It is something I keep telling myself.
When I get my teeth into something I really get into it, but just getting motivated is the problem I have recently.
I'm up, awake, breakfasted, coffeed-up, just got the get the daughter out of bed now.....
NO. It's fWhen I get my teeth into something I really get into it, but just getting motivated is the problem I have recently.
I'm up, awake, breakfasted, coffeed-up, just got the get the daughter out of bed now.....
k all to do with other people and what they're going through. That's for them to get through.This is about you. There's no Pity Party going on - there's no shame in saying you're in a rut and you need help. There is help available to you. You dont need to be a martyr for your daughter 100% of the time, somewhere in the middle of it there's You Time too. You need that. You're spinning a lot of plates, not all of them are staying on the pole. Time to take a few off, put them back on the table and concentrate on the ones that are the most important.
andy-xr said:
NO. It's fk all to do with other people and what they're going through. That's for them to get through.
This is about you. There's no Pity Party going on - there's no shame in saying you're in a rut and you need help. There is help available to you. You dont need to be a martyr for your daughter 100% of the time, somewhere in the middle of it there's You Time too. You need that. You're spinning a lot of plates, not all of them are staying on the pole. Time to take a few off, put them back on the table and concentrate on the ones that are the most important.
Yes, a whole lot of plates spinning here, so much sk all to do with other people and what they're going through. That's for them to get through.This is about you. There's no Pity Party going on - there's no shame in saying you're in a rut and you need help. There is help available to you. You dont need to be a martyr for your daughter 100% of the time, somewhere in the middle of it there's You Time too. You need that. You're spinning a lot of plates, not all of them are staying on the pole. Time to take a few off, put them back on the table and concentrate on the ones that are the most important.
t to do moving countries, setting up everything here. I'm nearly done with setting up all the necessities, rearranging the shelving as it were, just the daughter left to sort out now. My head feels like it is full of cotton wool half the time, can't even work out how to set the house thermostatic controller, the page is semi translated from Urdu.
I constantly feel like I'm just wallowing in self pity, but that's b
ks, I'm better than this, just need to get started on things. Man flu doesn't help either. Just doesn't seem to want to completely leave me alone. Might go to the GP today, tell them it has been three weeks and still bunged up.
Couple of things:
Get yourself an electronic copy of the depression self help guide, at the very least I think it will help you put some perspective on things
https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
Also as you've moved from very sunny to cloudy climes get yourself low wattage (23w 110wequivalent) daylight frequency light bulbs often advertised as SAD Seasonal Afflictive Disorder they are about £6 delivered on eBay.
Oh and give yourself something to look forward to, could be something small or even arrange a home visit by the missus.
Get yourself an electronic copy of the depression self help guide, at the very least I think it will help you put some perspective on things
https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
Also as you've moved from very sunny to cloudy climes get yourself low wattage (23w 110wequivalent) daylight frequency light bulbs often advertised as SAD Seasonal Afflictive Disorder they are about £6 delivered on eBay.
Oh and give yourself something to look forward to, could be something small or even arrange a home visit by the missus.
This time of year is literally miserable in any way shape or form that our bodies and minds crave - cold, dark, little actual sunlight even when it's daylight.
If you're able to do I would focus on just doing something/anything that gets you outdoors doing something in the fresh air - I know I'm struggling massively with the simple fact of it being dark and st when I wake up and go to work and dark and st when I leave work.
I wouldn't overthink it too much just yet.
If you're able to do I would focus on just doing something/anything that gets you outdoors doing something in the fresh air - I know I'm struggling massively with the simple fact of it being dark and s
t when I wake up and go to work and dark and st when I leave work.I wouldn't overthink it too much just yet.
Targarama said:
Could your mood be affected partly by SAD - lack of sunlight? Even though you're a Brit and know what our winters are like your body is used to more light, even if it is sweaty, noisy, typhoony etc.
I've heard of that before, might be an idea. I once planned to build a SAD box for the wife, before we moved back to her home country in 2010. But we went to the real sun instead. It worked, for a while....elanfan said:
Couple of things:
Get yourself an electronic copy of the depression self help guide, at the very least I think it will help you put some perspective on things
https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
Also as you've moved from very sunny to cloudy climes get yourself low wattage (23w 110wequivalent) daylight frequency light bulbs often advertised as SAD Seasonal Afflictive Disorder they are about £6 delivered on eBay.
Oh and give yourself something to look forward to, could be something small or even arrange a home visit by the missus.
The wife drives me up the bloody wall sometimes. That might give me motivation to get my arse into the garage.Get yourself an electronic copy of the depression self help guide, at the very least I think it will help you put some perspective on things
https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
Also as you've moved from very sunny to cloudy climes get yourself low wattage (23w 110wequivalent) daylight frequency light bulbs often advertised as SAD Seasonal Afflictive Disorder they are about £6 delivered on eBay.
Oh and give yourself something to look forward to, could be something small or even arrange a home visit by the missus.
I'll have a look at that guide, could give me some direction.
Edited by King Herald on Wednesday 18th January 11:46
Given the schools issue would doing some home schooling kill two birds with one stone? Your daughter's need is a good motivation for you do something, and you'd need to be learning stuff to keep her going.
I also second the suggestions about doing some exercise, getting a dog is a great way as the dog will force you out, but otherwise sign up to a class or something with a specific practice time so you have a schedule which you're more likely to keep than just going out on your own.
I was out of work for a few months some years back and it's very easy to sink in to a cycle of not doing anything because there's no urgency or routine. Having something you're doing on a schedule makes a big difference.
I also second the suggestions about doing some exercise, getting a dog is a great way as the dog will force you out, but otherwise sign up to a class or something with a specific practice time so you have a schedule which you're more likely to keep than just going out on your own.
I was out of work for a few months some years back and it's very easy to sink in to a cycle of not doing anything because there's no urgency or routine. Having something you're doing on a schedule makes a big difference.
SystemParanoia said:
Then do both!
When it comes to dealing with disinterested government employees, you have to make a fuss... again and again and again, make so much of a fuss for so long and so often that they will sort it out just to get rid of you...
and conveniently, you have all the time in the world to be a pain to them.
I've been told that if the appeal is successful then she HAS to go to that school. Which is pointless if she has already got into another school and six weeks go by. When it comes to dealing with disinterested government employees, you have to make a fuss... again and again and again, make so much of a fuss for so long and so often that they will sort it out just to get rid of you...
and conveniently, you have all the time in the world to be a pain to them.
You have recently had a major change in your life so hardly surprising you are not feeling your best
Having suffered with depression in the past, I would agree with a dog as therapy. Mine certainly helped me through a bad patch.
You don't have to get one full time. You could consider fostering. This would give you some motivation each day and you would be helping others.
How about getting another project if you have a garage.
Volunteering is a great way to feel fulfilled. Take a look here http://menssheds.org.uk
Good luck
Having suffered with depression in the past, I would agree with a dog as therapy. Mine certainly helped me through a bad patch.
You don't have to get one full time. You could consider fostering. This would give you some motivation each day and you would be helping others.
How about getting another project if you have a garage.
Volunteering is a great way to feel fulfilled. Take a look here http://menssheds.org.uk
Good luck
Sounds like a mix of losing all your comforts and toys, sad and being knackered from moving. I get pissed off every winter, early nights and dark mornings. You need a channel, something to get you energised again. There's more knowledgeable folk on here that understand depression better than me.
garythesign said:
You have recently had a major change in your life so hardly surprising you are not feeling your best
Having suffered with depression in the past, I would agree with a dog as therapy. Mine certainly helped me through a bad patch.
You don't have to get one full time. You could consider fostering. This would give you some motivation each day and you would be helping others.
How about getting another project if you have a garage.
Volunteering is a great way to feel fulfilled. Take a look here http://menssheds.org.uk
Good luck
Good call on part time dog homing. My daughter works for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People and they are always looking for socialisers for new dogs prior to training. Volunteering They need people in various parts of UK so maybe there's one near you?Having suffered with depression in the past, I would agree with a dog as therapy. Mine certainly helped me through a bad patch.
You don't have to get one full time. You could consider fostering. This would give you some motivation each day and you would be helping others.
How about getting another project if you have a garage.
Volunteering is a great way to feel fulfilled. Take a look here http://menssheds.org.uk
Good luck
King Herald said:
apart from three weeks of man flu
King Herald said:
Man flu doesn't help either.
^^^ Pay some attention to post flu depression.It's nasty.
A very likable fella I knew years back on a farm where I was working had a severe case of flu over Christmas. I arrived back from the UK, exchanged pleasantries but had a full list of stuff to catch up on in the workshop and short shrifted him a bit
A few days later I was cleaning his brains, skull fragments and blood off the walls in his farm outhouse. Silly bugger had taken his shotgun for a chew.
Alcohol was a major factor as I was clearing out empty bottles of vodka from every cupboard and also under his pillows and duvet. Seems you are on top of that.
I've a lot of your posts over the years and you've always come across as thoroughly decent.
You've just moved from a tropical climate to the dead and miserable UK midwinter - that's bound to affect you.
I've no real advice to offer other than I would suggest that having committed appointments can make a real difference.
I realise that you've just moved back to the UK, how many people in the local area do you know?
Go out and be a lacky/gofa for a day or two a week, find a local satellite TV installer and carry tools, pull cables for him. Find a local garage and offer to just sweep the floors/tidy up.
Anything that will enable you to be around someone who is motivated and means you have to meet a schedule of being ready in the morning.
Hope you get going again.
Best
Ex
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