Feeling down, not depressed, just empty.

[King Herald]

Cerbhd said:

I'll be honest with you OP, you've done an awful lot in the last few months with the move, retiring and giving up the booze.
I've read this post and your other contributions of the other forum and I really don't think you have gotten over giving up drinking.
It is a massive commitment (which I haven't done) and you shouldn't underestimate its effect on you.
I mothballed my company last year due to stress and have been renovating a house to keep me sane as I'm only 45, when I run out of things to do I have the same feelings that you have.
People think retirement will be great but I've discovered it is not for everyone.
Try and keep positive and I really hope you feel better soon, hopefully it is a time thing
All the best
Jon

It is somewhat embarrassing that I used to tell people how well I'd do in retirement, compared to normal old folks, as I have so many things I want to do, so many projects to build, years off stuff all laid out in my mind. Plus I'm familiar with having six months a year off work....

Then this happens, and it all goes down the toilet.

People have told me that stopping drinking can take months to fully clear your system, physically and mentally, not sure I ever really believed it, but you never know. It was also pretty much what my whole social life revolved around overseas. I never used to go anywhere, or meet up with people, unless there was beer on the table, a very typical expat scenario.



However, tomorrow is a new day, things will improve, I can feel a difference just today, I feel a little more like I always used to. This thread has been cathartic, given me a place to vent some feelings that had nowhere to go.

I have had to keep a stiff upper lip for the daughter, keep a smile on the go all day, as she has no friends here now, they have all moved on and I guess her dreams/ideas/hopes to get into school with them and carry on like they did as childhood friends has gone up in smoke.

Tomorrow is a new day....

[King Herald]

Barmyfluid said:

It's a sobering thought (scuse the pun) that the dream - retirement - is not where it's at when we get there. This thread has made me think on.
Yesterday it was a perfect winters day in Shropshire,I had a job on so drove from Shrewsbury to Stone. That in itself was a hoot in the Z4. To put the icing on the cake saw some lucky bleeder with a day off having a blat on his H2 triple. Now that alone has got to be worth getting out of bed for !
Keep your pecker up.

Guy came through Stafford town centre in a Beemer sports car thing yesterday, I know not the model, top down, loud exhaust. Wasn't you was it?

Buying a bike and doing some European touring again is something I have planned on when time and money allow. Prices of old classics, the sort of thing that were the latest and greatest in my day, have gone crazy though. Even the retro style, like the Kawasaki Zephyr etc that came out 20 years later, are turning into expensive classics now..... I really do not go a bundle on the later Transformer style models, with sharp corners, pointy bits. and weird shapes all over, hideous.

[King Herald]

That's the weird thing, I don't really 'do' holidays. The idea of sitting on a beach doing nothing has always been so alien to me, I'd rather just be at home working in my garage, building or making something.

Being at home was my holidays, and five weeks offshore was my work. All that has gone topsy turvy since I retired, and though I never want to go offshore again maybe some work is a way to stabilise things, something with defined times, dates and responsibilities to adhere to.

All the years I scoffed at people who said they'd be bored if they retired, as if their life is so bad they need work to make it meaningful, maybe they were smarter than me?

But when I did work, both in the factory, and then offshore, I met no end of people there who didn't really do anything when they were off work, no hobbies, past times, projects etc. They almost seemed to be quite content doing what I do now; simply sitting around passing the time.....

[King Herald]

Barmyfluid said:

With classics the trick is to spot unfashionable models ,there are some that get overlooked but not always because they have no merit.

I notice that looking anywhere that has connections with mass sales (ebay) or the classic market seems to triple the price. Get one on one with normal people and prices seem far more realistic.

klmhcp said:

Holidays don't have to mean sitting on a beach doing nothing - certainly never had to me. It's about a defined period of time when it's ok to not be productive. Then, when you get home, you might have had a chance to think about what to do. Maybe learn a new skill at college or something?

Having lived in the tropics for nearly 7 years, and gone to the beach just three times, I'm at a loss really where/how to go for a holiday as such. Don't they involve something like relaxing and doing nothing? And finding something that keeps us all (well, two of us now (is always a chore.

Mum is away until she sells the house in the Philippines, but that gives me some needed peace and quiet, almost a holiday in itself.

However, with the problems we are having getting my daughter into school, the possibility she may be sat on her arse until September, the idea of a road trip to Spain is sounding appealing.

[King Herald]

I have the shed, but nothing in it yet. Just the messy remains of the previous tenant. He will be hopefully clearing a bunch of stuff out in due course. If not, it will go in a skip eventually.

I guess I'm really in a sort of limbo, but when my boxes and boxes of tools and gear arrive things may improve.

Interesting idea, the menssheds.org though. I'll check it out.

[King Herald]

I've been taking the Vit D for nearly a week now, but I also started on penicillin for the flu three days ago, so I am up and down like a yoyo.

I can sleep well, come down 7am in the morning feeling grand, then an hour later I just feel dismal, ill and negative for no apparent reason. Then two hours after that I can feel fairly good again.

The penicillin seems to be working, my chest doesn't wheeze, crackle and pop all night now.

[King Herald]

Whenever I remember actually, morning usually.

[King Herald]

I'm sure my wife would ride a tandem the way she passengers in a car.....non stop 'advice' on every maneuver I make.

So she would be on the front and my life would be in her hands....

[King Herald]

Well that was a turn up for the books. A few days ago I woke up in the same miserable state I have for three weeks, moped my way downstairs, watched tv for a while...miserable as sin. Then I went down town to try and find something to put the computer on. They live on a cardboard box at the moment.

I failed at that, so I planned to get the car washed, but I could not face trying to work out how to use the facility, so I simply drive home and moped some more.

Then I watched a program on tv, young girl whose mum had died, and whose dad was sick with cancer. Some tv team were finishing off the half built house they had been trying to build before getting sick.

I don't know how true it was, but I sat there and blubbered in misery for a while, then suddenly TOLD myself to stop feeling such a sad selfish sack of st and appreciate the great things I have in my life.

I got up and went out into the garage, found an old coat, threw a pair of jeans on and a wooly hat and spent half a day cleaning all the muck out of the garage, taking down broken shelves, and sweeping up the floor etc. I made it MY garage again ..... and since then I have felt back to normal. The misery and desolation and uselessness have all gone.

That was on Tuesday I think, and I feel normal now, positive, happy etc.

My daughter starts school Monday, things are starting to fall into shape.

Thanks for the advice chaps, I seem to have found my mojo once again, after months of just giving up on life.

[King Herald]

mickk said:

Great news, now what about buying that car to start on?

Yes, I'm relieved to have got the school sorted out, it has been a bit of a weight around my neck for a long time.

Looking at eBay regularly, trying to work out what I want to get into now. Not sure I want another hot rod style thing, something classic or vintage maybe. And a motorcycle too.

Feeling good now, whole again, can't imagine why I was so down and out, now I look back.

[King Herald]

I think I'd rather start on something that was actually rideable, rather than a five year project.

[King Herald]

Looking at a 1200 bandit on eBay, but can't decide whether to make the decision yet, middle of winter, no riding gear etc.

I'd have to get the guy to deliver it I think as well.....

[King Herald]

Saleen836 said:

I might know of a Bandit for sale if that is what you are after?
It belonged to my late friend and has been stored since his son had an 'off' no major damage as far as I can remember.

I've just put a bid on eBay, if it fails I could be interested. First bid in 6 years or so.

Whereabouts is the bike you know of? I'm in the Midlands, no way to travel to collect something miles away.

ETA. I'm now the proud owner of a 1200 Suzuki Bandit, won on EBay yesterday, delivered today.

Edited by King Herald on Monday 30th January 18:21

[King Herald]

FocusRS3 said:

An interesting thread King Herald.

You've been quite active on some of my posts recently discussing retirement etc so I'm keen to know how people spend their time.

I'm not at retirement yet, in fact if my job lasts I'm 6yrs away but having recently had a bunch of time out I'm almost wishing my life away just wanting the working week to end.

My outgoings with kids are big so changing jobs etc isn't an option so I feel I'm back on the hamster wheel again and frankly the thought of doing it for potentially another 6yrs is getting me down.

I can think of nothing better than never working again ( well city anyway) and pottering around finding things to do.
The time I had out I was never struggling for things to do.
As others have said walking was a good source of clearing my mind at times of all the crap I had to deal with.

Presently I find my sleep is rubbish and my outlook on life isn't positive . My wife is awesome and a naturally positive person but I can feel myself getting lower and lower as I know job/money wise I'm just not making headway towards that goal of retiring soon enough.

The not wanting to do anything bit I'd also thought was a form of depression and I can't seem to snap out of it .

Without wanting to sound a depressing dullard does anyone else get like this too?

I was convinced I’d be busy from dawn to dusk with numerous projects. I have/had a mental list of vehicles I want to build, things I wanted to do around the house etc.

However, I still seem to be missing that old spark of enthuse I once had.

Things have gone from bad to worse with the wife and I, and she is still in the Philippines trying to sell the house over there. We have also pretty much agreed to go our separate ways when she does come over here, as we both know it is the best way. She came to visit for a month in summer, and we got on okay, but we realise it is not to be.

My mental state goes up and down like the weather. Some days I feel really positive, but most morning, 6:45, I get up and wonder “what the hell happened to the dream”? Same words every morning.

Anyway, I hope that once things are straightened out between the wife and I, and I know where I stand financially and domestically, the garage will appeal once again and I’ll start cutting and grinding and welding as usual.

I rode the Bandit mentioned above for a while, then bought a BMW 1100 and rode the wheels off that, and it is in the garage now, having been to the Buxton Pass a few days ago. I used to go out almost every day, riding around local roads. Been to the seaside several times, put 7000+ miles on the BMW in the last six months.

Back to the big question, most days I get up, get the daughter off to school, do the housework, feed the dogs, watch tv for a few hours, maybe go shopping..... normal housewife stuff. I just ordered a top box for the bike. And plan to make a rack for it, using a hydraulic bender I bought weeks ago in a fit of enthuse. So some garage time is coming.

I take it all day one at a time,

Oh yes, we took the advice about dogs. Blue and Sky, five year old rescue dogs.



And the BMW...



And if anybody wants to go live in the Philippines I know of a really nice six bed house for sale...

[King Herald]

Craikeybaby said:

Sort of, although I’ve got a lot longer to go until retirement than you. I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’ve been in the same job for 10 years, it was good, but now realise I’ve been standing still in a fast moving industry. This year I’ve been focusing on updating my skills and maybe doing a bit of freelance work on the side. Along with sport and yoga my head seems to be in a much better place this year.

As this thread has been bumped, how are you getting on King Hearald?

As above, up and down, like the weather.

I spent 14 years in a factory, in an earlier life, hating every cold smelly day, feeling like a boring part of the furniture, looking at other guys twice or thrice my age, who had known nothing else but factory life........ that was a rut, with little or no way to up my game or move up the ladder.
Until one day I finally decided to quit the rat race, and went overseas travelling, when I was 29, after selling my house. That was how much I hated the tedium back then. Luckily I was single, no real ties.

That was the best thing I ever did, though it scared the shyte out of me abandoning all semblance of security and normality, at the time.

[King Herald]

I forced myself to get out in the garage a couple of days ago, knocked myself up a rack for the bike, to take a top box.

It feels good, getting back to the tools, creating stuff, something I have always done.