Concerned about OH's drinking
Discussion
smileymikey said:
I've mentioned before that I was in the same position ( and it got worse) as your partner. The phase your entering now is when it starts to get a proper grip, The health services as everyone in the position discovers really arent very good at all. No medical team is going to come over the hill and make everything alright. Her choices are to find the strength within herself to stop or everything that she is will be destroyed and anyone near her is going to be badly affected. Call AA yourself, they are able to send women that have been in the same position as your partner round to your house to talk to her. You need to start asserting yourself or your going down with her. Kick her out or man the f*ck up and give her some tough support. "Not feeling in the right frame of mind for counselling"?!?. If need be she needs to be going on the end of your boot mate.
Some very good advice here. Tough love doesn’t work,an alchoholic loves drink not you and will lie,cheat and steal to get it.
Carew,what are you doing to look after you?
If Turning point have a relatives meeting near you,go to it. You will meet others in the same boat and sometimes it is good to talk to others who know what you are facing.
Carew,what are you doing to look after you?
If Turning point have a relatives meeting near you,go to it. You will meet others in the same boat and sometimes it is good to talk to others who know what you are facing.
Evening all, thought it time for an update.
Things carried on pretty much in the same vein. Almost missed our holiday in May as my OH was too pissed to pack! But we went and met friends out there who knew something wasn't right. I then did something I should have done ages ago and told people about her drinking. They didn't challenge her about it directly but were there for me as a sounding board. When we returned we had a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist. It was ok but not sure if my OH found it that useful. But then in August the turning point....
Usual scenario, got home from work and heard her staggering around upstairs and throwing up. Knowing this would carry on all night I rang for an ambulance and she was admitted with (deep breath) enlarged heart, pneumonia and sepsis. She was in a bad way and even had to spend 2 days in intensive care. She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and was practically bedridden. She could barely walk unaided. But since then, the change has been little short of remarkable. She hasn't touched a drop, she is eating a lot better and is a lot happier. Even started another job a month or so ago. I don't pretend to think we are out of the woods yet and part of me is waiting for her to succumb. But hopefully every day she doesn't drink makes that less of a temptation. I do wonder whether that hospital stay was her hitting rock bottom.
Whilst she was in hospital I told our close family and friends about her drinking, as much for my sake as hers. This has helped a lot. Another thing that had helped is her attending an addiction centre weekly.
I really, really hope this is the last post I have to write on this subject so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply. It helped a lot.
Happy Christmas
Things carried on pretty much in the same vein. Almost missed our holiday in May as my OH was too pissed to pack! But we went and met friends out there who knew something wasn't right. I then did something I should have done ages ago and told people about her drinking. They didn't challenge her about it directly but were there for me as a sounding board. When we returned we had a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist. It was ok but not sure if my OH found it that useful. But then in August the turning point....
Usual scenario, got home from work and heard her staggering around upstairs and throwing up. Knowing this would carry on all night I rang for an ambulance and she was admitted with (deep breath) enlarged heart, pneumonia and sepsis. She was in a bad way and even had to spend 2 days in intensive care. She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and was practically bedridden. She could barely walk unaided. But since then, the change has been little short of remarkable. She hasn't touched a drop, she is eating a lot better and is a lot happier. Even started another job a month or so ago. I don't pretend to think we are out of the woods yet and part of me is waiting for her to succumb. But hopefully every day she doesn't drink makes that less of a temptation. I do wonder whether that hospital stay was her hitting rock bottom.
Whilst she was in hospital I told our close family and friends about her drinking, as much for my sake as hers. This has helped a lot. Another thing that had helped is her attending an addiction centre weekly.
I really, really hope this is the last post I have to write on this subject so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply. It helped a lot.
Happy Christmas
carew said:
Evening all, thought it time for an update.
Things carried on pretty much in the same vein. Almost missed our holiday in May as my OH was too pissed to pack! But we went and met friends out there who knew something wasn't right. I then did something I should have done ages ago and told people about her drinking. They didn't challenge her about it directly but were there for me as a sounding board. When we returned we had a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist. It was ok but not sure if my OH found it that useful. But then in August the turning point....
Usual scenario, got home from work and heard her staggering around upstairs and throwing up. Knowing this would carry on all night I rang for an ambulance and she was admitted with (deep breath) enlarged heart, pneumonia and sepsis. She was in a bad way and even had to spend 2 days in intensive care. She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and was practically bedridden. She could barely walk unaided. But since then, the change has been little short of remarkable. She hasn't touched a drop, she is eating a lot better and is a lot happier. Even started another job a month or so ago. I don't pretend to think we are out of the woods yet and part of me is waiting for her to succumb. But hopefully every day she doesn't drink makes that less of a temptation. I do wonder whether that hospital stay was her hitting rock bottom.
Whilst she was in hospital I told our close family and friends about her drinking, as much for my sake as hers. This has helped a lot. Another thing that had helped is her attending an addiction centre weekly.
I really, really hope this is the last post I have to write on this subject so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply. It helped a lot.
Happy Christmas
Good update - Positive news. I probably would have left ! So good on you for sticking by herThings carried on pretty much in the same vein. Almost missed our holiday in May as my OH was too pissed to pack! But we went and met friends out there who knew something wasn't right. I then did something I should have done ages ago and told people about her drinking. They didn't challenge her about it directly but were there for me as a sounding board. When we returned we had a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist. It was ok but not sure if my OH found it that useful. But then in August the turning point....
Usual scenario, got home from work and heard her staggering around upstairs and throwing up. Knowing this would carry on all night I rang for an ambulance and she was admitted with (deep breath) enlarged heart, pneumonia and sepsis. She was in a bad way and even had to spend 2 days in intensive care. She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and was practically bedridden. She could barely walk unaided. But since then, the change has been little short of remarkable. She hasn't touched a drop, she is eating a lot better and is a lot happier. Even started another job a month or so ago. I don't pretend to think we are out of the woods yet and part of me is waiting for her to succumb. But hopefully every day she doesn't drink makes that less of a temptation. I do wonder whether that hospital stay was her hitting rock bottom.
Whilst she was in hospital I told our close family and friends about her drinking, as much for my sake as hers. This has helped a lot. Another thing that had helped is her attending an addiction centre weekly.
I really, really hope this is the last post I have to write on this subject so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply. It helped a lot.
Happy Christmas
With it being Xmas and the almost expectation to drink, support her by not drinking yourself (that's what I would do anyway).
Thanks for the replies.
Yes, it will be a booze free house although to be honest I'm not a drinker anyway so it's no biggy for me.
But at this time of year it's not just the bottles you have to watch for. There is alcohol in a lot of things - mince pies, Christmas puddings, chocolates, etc!!
Yes, it will be a booze free house although to be honest I'm not a drinker anyway so it's no biggy for me.
But at this time of year it's not just the bottles you have to watch for. There is alcohol in a lot of things - mince pies, Christmas puddings, chocolates, etc!!
xjay1337 said:
Good update - Positive news. I probably would have left ! So good on you for sticking by her
With it being Xmas and the almost expectation to drink, support her by not drinking yourself (that's what I would do anyway).
I'll echo that, good luck With it being Xmas and the almost expectation to drink, support her by not drinking yourself (that's what I would do anyway).
My wife had experience of an alcoholic person, now dead, she's pretty much against alcohol but accepts I like the occasional pint, glass of decent whisky (she can't stand the smell) or glass of wine. I try to limit myself to reduce the anxiety she must have with it around.
What excellent news. You are certainly not out of the woods as she will always have a problem but it seems like things are on the up. The fact that family know too is only a 'bonus', if that is an appropriate term in any situation involving addiction! Best of luck to you both and a merry Christmas all round to the PH massive herein!
Hello everyone, just wanted to give you all an update and it's not a good one.
My OH is back on the booze. Probably not as bad (i.e. as much) as before apart from one incident recently.
I'd suspected she was drinking again as apart from finding the odd small bottle of wine (full or empty) in her wardrobe her mood changed through the day. In the morning (i.e. sober) she was easy going, happy but later in the day after she'd been caring for her (difficult) Mum she was moody, irritable and very tired. I questioned her a number of times but of course everything was denied.
About a month ago the same scenario but I lost it with her and told her to go to her Mum's which she did. Fast forward a couple of hours and I hear this scraping sound outside, looked out and saw her driving down the road with the offside corner of her car completely wrecked. She'd gone through a width restriction, misjudged it and hit the concrete bollard. Luckily for everyone she drove her car home without further incident. But then she tried to get out of the car and was unable too. Completely drunk, off her head. Fell on the floor and couldn't even get up. Of course this prompted some of the neighbours to come out and see what was going on and they didn't need to be geniuses to realise what had happened. But despite this the drinking carries on. I honestly thought that something like this would have made her realise but no. If she has even been stopped by the police (which was entirely possible as only 1 headlight was working) she would certainly have been looking at a ban if not a prison term. But still it carries on.
I don't know how much she is now drinking but my guess is 2 of the small bottles of wine a day which I think equates to half a bottle of wine. Not extreme to a lot of people but probably enough to put her close to the limit when driving (I think 1 bottle is equates to 1 glass so she is driving after having 2 glasses).
It's got to the stage where I'm not even pulling her up on it anymore as that just causes an argument. I have mentioned it to a good friend of hers (and who knows her history) and she is taking the softly, softly approach although that isn't working either.
What is also quite amazing is that a neighbour of ours admitted to my OH that she has also had issues in the past with alcohol but a few weeks ago she too relapsed to such an extent that her daughter called an ambulance and she was admitted to hospital for a few days. She was discharged but she has now gone into rehab. And even that bombshell didn't make my OH think that she needs to re-evaluate. My OH also watches Corrie and for those of you who watch it, you would think that Peter's storyline would hit home but no.
What does the future bring? Who knows. I think if it wasn't for the lockdown I would have spent some time at my Mum's but suspect I would just spend all my time worrying and wondering what my OH is doing to herself as well as our home.
I'm going to give Al-Anon a call when I can to see what advice they can give.
My OH is back on the booze. Probably not as bad (i.e. as much) as before apart from one incident recently.
I'd suspected she was drinking again as apart from finding the odd small bottle of wine (full or empty) in her wardrobe her mood changed through the day. In the morning (i.e. sober) she was easy going, happy but later in the day after she'd been caring for her (difficult) Mum she was moody, irritable and very tired. I questioned her a number of times but of course everything was denied.
About a month ago the same scenario but I lost it with her and told her to go to her Mum's which she did. Fast forward a couple of hours and I hear this scraping sound outside, looked out and saw her driving down the road with the offside corner of her car completely wrecked. She'd gone through a width restriction, misjudged it and hit the concrete bollard. Luckily for everyone she drove her car home without further incident. But then she tried to get out of the car and was unable too. Completely drunk, off her head. Fell on the floor and couldn't even get up. Of course this prompted some of the neighbours to come out and see what was going on and they didn't need to be geniuses to realise what had happened. But despite this the drinking carries on. I honestly thought that something like this would have made her realise but no. If she has even been stopped by the police (which was entirely possible as only 1 headlight was working) she would certainly have been looking at a ban if not a prison term. But still it carries on.
I don't know how much she is now drinking but my guess is 2 of the small bottles of wine a day which I think equates to half a bottle of wine. Not extreme to a lot of people but probably enough to put her close to the limit when driving (I think 1 bottle is equates to 1 glass so she is driving after having 2 glasses).
It's got to the stage where I'm not even pulling her up on it anymore as that just causes an argument. I have mentioned it to a good friend of hers (and who knows her history) and she is taking the softly, softly approach although that isn't working either.
What is also quite amazing is that a neighbour of ours admitted to my OH that she has also had issues in the past with alcohol but a few weeks ago she too relapsed to such an extent that her daughter called an ambulance and she was admitted to hospital for a few days. She was discharged but she has now gone into rehab. And even that bombshell didn't make my OH think that she needs to re-evaluate. My OH also watches Corrie and for those of you who watch it, you would think that Peter's storyline would hit home but no.
What does the future bring? Who knows. I think if it wasn't for the lockdown I would have spent some time at my Mum's but suspect I would just spend all my time worrying and wondering what my OH is doing to herself as well as our home.
I'm going to give Al-Anon a call when I can to see what advice they can give.
The thing with alcoholics its always about more. What starts as a half bottle (that you know of) will quickly escalate to much more, it's not smart vs stupid their brains just aren't wired right when it comes to booze. The drink driving incident should have been a wake up call and it's sad that it hasn't been. She won't think she has a problem so other peoples stories won't help her draw a line back to herself (and even if they did addicts will always have an excuse or a reason as to why their situation is totally different, again this isn't a rational smart vs stupid but simply how their brain works)
I hate to say it but it is time to have the "it's either me or the booze" conversation (again), then stick to it when she (sadly) inevitably chooses the booze. When that happens you need to leave and follow through with the promise. What happens from there on in is not your responsibility, it's going to hurt, it will suck the big one but at some point you have to put yourself first.
I hate to say it but it is time to have the "it's either me or the booze" conversation (again), then stick to it when she (sadly) inevitably chooses the booze. When that happens you need to leave and follow through with the promise. What happens from there on in is not your responsibility, it's going to hurt, it will suck the big one but at some point you have to put yourself first.
Hi OP .... can't believe I've missed this thread as I lived through this exact scenario about 6 years ago.
My OH at fhe time did all the usual, wine in wardrobes and large handbags (big giveaway). Thankfully she didn't drive, but return home pissed most evenings.
She had two suicide attempts and various trips to hospital one with a broken arm when she fell down the stairs I found her on that occasion blood pouring out of a head wound and the arms obviously broken. I honestly thought she was dead the amount of blood there was. I lasted 18 months and I know she is still drinking now 6 years later. Ended up blocking her on all forms of contact as when drunk she wouldn't leave me alone.
My view was I cant have her ruin both our lives. I won't tell you what to do OP, but these things seldom end well.
Feel free to PM if you need help or support.
My OH at fhe time did all the usual, wine in wardrobes and large handbags (big giveaway). Thankfully she didn't drive, but return home pissed most evenings.
She had two suicide attempts and various trips to hospital one with a broken arm when she fell down the stairs I found her on that occasion blood pouring out of a head wound and the arms obviously broken. I honestly thought she was dead the amount of blood there was. I lasted 18 months and I know she is still drinking now 6 years later. Ended up blocking her on all forms of contact as when drunk she wouldn't leave me alone.
My view was I cant have her ruin both our lives. I won't tell you what to do OP, but these things seldom end well.
Feel free to PM if you need help or support.
From the sound of it there's a few years to go yet before there is any chance of her deciding to stop (which is of course the only way she can stop). Only you can decide whether you want to go through that with her or leave her to it. Having had some experience of this sort of thing I would be taking option 2.
Condolences, it must be hard.
If you wish to go brutal, police do respond fast and harshly to anonymous reports of drink driving. Maybe a significant ban might make her think? - yes, you have the thought of shopping your missus, but if she hits somebody on the way home that would also be on your conscience.
If you wish to go brutal, police do respond fast and harshly to anonymous reports of drink driving. Maybe a significant ban might make her think? - yes, you have the thought of shopping your missus, but if she hits somebody on the way home that would also be on your conscience.
Thanks all for the responses.
I have considered ringing the police; even if she weren't over the limit hopefully it would shock her into changing. But who am I kidding? She nigh on wrote her car off and that had no effect.
I do ask myself regularly why I stay and I'm afraid to say that it isn't because I couldn't live without her. I could. I guess it's just a bit too comfortable and splitting up means we would have to sell our nice house and I'd end up in a flat somewhere. Happier probably but also a bit empty.
I have considered ringing the police; even if she weren't over the limit hopefully it would shock her into changing. But who am I kidding? She nigh on wrote her car off and that had no effect.
I do ask myself regularly why I stay and I'm afraid to say that it isn't because I couldn't live without her. I could. I guess it's just a bit too comfortable and splitting up means we would have to sell our nice house and I'd end up in a flat somewhere. Happier probably but also a bit empty.
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