Death of my daughter
Discussion
Just read this thread from start to finish with tears rolling down my cheeks.
Occasionally you come across a thread in the sea of gumpf on pistonheads like this that is just 100% raw, honest love and care.
My thoughts are with you TVR1. Please just think of the times you have, and will in the future, put a smile on your daughters face, hear her laugh, play silly games.
I was once told by someone much more cleverer than me that the joy of our loved ones can only be shared by those who are still around.
The love and care that you have, and have shared with everyone so candidly on here, lives in you.
Care, honesty, love and peace can sometimes manifest as despair (and rightly so).
Please don't let these phases of despair define you. There is way more light in you if your posts on here are anything to go by.
Occasionally you come across a thread in the sea of gumpf on pistonheads like this that is just 100% raw, honest love and care.
My thoughts are with you TVR1. Please just think of the times you have, and will in the future, put a smile on your daughters face, hear her laugh, play silly games.
I was once told by someone much more cleverer than me that the joy of our loved ones can only be shared by those who are still around.
The love and care that you have, and have shared with everyone so candidly on here, lives in you.
Care, honesty, love and peace can sometimes manifest as despair (and rightly so).
Please don't let these phases of despair define you. There is way more light in you if your posts on here are anything to go by.
I have not had your particular experiences so I cannot understand the specific nature of your pain. But I do know something of these feelings. They move in waves, both in the short term and over longer periods of time. And they can spike acutely.
Nothing will make you feel better in this moment. These feelings are relentless and, if you are anything like me, you may have shunned people. The presence of people might feel intolerable. There might be nothing you'd like less than their intrusion. It is not unusual to be desperate to be by yourself.
But you must fight that urge. Use your remaining strength to tell somebody who cares. You will likely have at least one person in your life who will break down the door (perhaps literally) and hold you tightly, though you might find it intolerable and struggle hard. Somebody who will ignore your protestations. And if you don't have a person like this, professionals are at hand. Even us on PH (not that we are at all professionals). I'm sure any one of us would get on the phone with you until you get some boots on the ground.
These feelings never go away entirely. But they can and do weaken to the point that they are no longer your master.
Keep checking in.
Nothing will make you feel better in this moment. These feelings are relentless and, if you are anything like me, you may have shunned people. The presence of people might feel intolerable. There might be nothing you'd like less than their intrusion. It is not unusual to be desperate to be by yourself.
But you must fight that urge. Use your remaining strength to tell somebody who cares. You will likely have at least one person in your life who will break down the door (perhaps literally) and hold you tightly, though you might find it intolerable and struggle hard. Somebody who will ignore your protestations. And if you don't have a person like this, professionals are at hand. Even us on PH (not that we are at all professionals). I'm sure any one of us would get on the phone with you until you get some boots on the ground.
These feelings never go away entirely. But they can and do weaken to the point that they are no longer your master.
Keep checking in.
I have just read this from the beginning, I'm sorry I didn't see it back then. I always thought there would be a moment that happens when you get over the loss of a loved one and can move on. It doesn't. But carrying the pain and loss with you is alright, and realising it is ok to have it with you really helped me. Not something to get over, or trying to find that moment when you can move on.
Just allowing it to settle somewhere special and use it to inspire you to see through the mist, to the stars again. I'm glad you're ok, you're never alone.
Just allowing it to settle somewhere special and use it to inspire you to see through the mist, to the stars again. I'm glad you're ok, you're never alone.
We have lost three babies, one was quite late term. I "dealt with it" and "manned up" and was the "strong one" for years until it all came out and I broke. utterly broke. everything was too much and I came within a hairs breadth of actually succeeding in ending it all.
That was around a year ago and I have been in counselling weekly since and although its not a magic solution its helped me more than I would have ever expected.
None of my family saw it coming, heck , I didn't, but those that know what happened have told me how much i mean to them now and to be honest I never realised. I thought it was going to make it all easier, for me, everyone would be fine and move on. I was wrong, I'm glad I failed.
You too will get past this and be where I am now, a minute at a time, and hour at a time, a day, week and month, then a year, and you will make life adjustments and decisions that will be different to how you would have done it but you will be ok.
Sometimes being at the lowest point gives a better perspective in the long run.
That was around a year ago and I have been in counselling weekly since and although its not a magic solution its helped me more than I would have ever expected.
None of my family saw it coming, heck , I didn't, but those that know what happened have told me how much i mean to them now and to be honest I never realised. I thought it was going to make it all easier, for me, everyone would be fine and move on. I was wrong, I'm glad I failed.
You too will get past this and be where I am now, a minute at a time, and hour at a time, a day, week and month, then a year, and you will make life adjustments and decisions that will be different to how you would have done it but you will be ok.
Sometimes being at the lowest point gives a better perspective in the long run.
Derek Smith said:
Shaw Tarse said:
Thanks to everyone (lots of people ) who were concerned & made PH team aware 
Well done PH Team.Don't know if it helps, TVR1, but thinking about you.Just wish there was some way I could help.
TVR1 said:
I’m ok guys. Actually just had Police here. Thank you if you called them. I’m not good. Just want to sleep. ??????? It’s not me though.
I’ll be ok.
I don't know where you are but I'm in Oxfordshire, pm me if you want to meet up, coffee, food, walk, beer, or call me anytime. I'm not a professional, just a bloke, its OK not to be OK. I’ll be ok.
Thank you all folks. I’m guessing it was a Mod that made contact. I’m not exactly hard to find (clearly🤣) Totally messed up, in my mind,yesterday . Tested + yesterday and mind was all over the place. Just had enough as business was getting better again and had to cancel again. So frustrating. So Ill last night and today but it seems to have broken so all good. It’s so frustrating what triggers. It was horrendous and I think about them everyday. My only sibling died the year before and my Mother last May so it all got a bit much. Thank you so much for caring. Particularly those that sent me a PM.
The Rotrex Kid said:
We are actively on it and all levels of PH are aware, we are trying to get help sorted as we can but if anyone has any details for TVR1 please let us know. You can report this post and add any info there. Thanks
Thank you. Very much appreciated when life becomes so frustrating. On a lighter note, thankfully I left a window open. I did ask what would’ve happened if I didn’t? Response ‘you wouldn’t have any doors’. Humour in adversity? I really do appreciate your help Rotrex. TVR1 said:
Thank you all folks. I’m guessing it was a Mod that made contact. I’m not exactly hard to find (clearly??) Totally messed up, in my mind,yesterday . Tested + yesterday and mind was all over the place. Just had enough as business was getting better again and had to cancel again. So frustrating. So Ill last night and today but it seems to have broken so all good. It’s so frustrating what triggers. It was horrendous and I think about them everyday. My only sibling died the year before and my Mother last May so it all got a bit much. Thank you so much for caring. Particularly those that sent me a PM.
Wishing you all the best TVR1, and I really hope there is some help available to you that can bring some relief from what you’re going through, Can I ask who needs you? My son was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy in 2005, of course back then we were told it was a death sentence and he would live for no more than a few years.
He's still alive now but I've sat there through the pain not able to make it stop, not able to stop the hurt or the thoughts, you know the ones when you're about to sleep at night. I've often sat and thought it would stop if I just stopped living.
Thing is there are people that need you, you might not think they do but there are people that love or like you that just need you to be there.
I know it can be tough, god can it but you just have to plod on, you just have to keep going. Not only for you but everyone else that is looking to you.
He's still alive now but I've sat there through the pain not able to make it stop, not able to stop the hurt or the thoughts, you know the ones when you're about to sleep at night. I've often sat and thought it would stop if I just stopped living.
Thing is there are people that need you, you might not think they do but there are people that love or like you that just need you to be there.
I know it can be tough, god can it but you just have to plod on, you just have to keep going. Not only for you but everyone else that is looking to you.
Biggest internet hug possible, TVR1.
I cannot imagine what you’re going through, but you are being so brave in all aspects in this thread.
I have absolute respect for the manner in which you hold yourself.
Just look after yourself. Some days will be easier than others, speak, get help. It’s strong to be able to receive help when you need it.
Thoughts are most definitely with you.
I cannot imagine what you’re going through, but you are being so brave in all aspects in this thread.
I have absolute respect for the manner in which you hold yourself.
Just look after yourself. Some days will be easier than others, speak, get help. It’s strong to be able to receive help when you need it.
Thoughts are most definitely with you.
Just echoing the messages of hope and help for you TVR1 - whilst you may have been in a sad and desolate place there for a while just know there are a bunch of actual people willing to listen and help hidden behind all the strange names and illusions of internetland.
Just reach out, there will be help or ears or
whatever you need to keep buggering on.
Just reach out, there will be help or ears or
whatever you need to keep buggering on.
TVR1 said:
Thank you all folks. I’m guessing it was a Mod that made contact. I’m not exactly hard to find (clearly??) Totally messed up, in my mind,yesterday . Tested + yesterday and mind was all over the place. Just had enough as business was getting better again and had to cancel again. So frustrating. So Ill last night and today but it seems to have broken so all good. It’s so frustrating what triggers. It was horrendous and I think about them everyday. My only sibling died the year before and my Mother last May so it all got a bit much. Thank you so much for caring. Particularly those that sent me a PM.
Great to see you post today, I’ve been thinking of you all day. I hope you get the help you need and can rebuild again soon. XTVR1 said:
Thank you all folks. I’m guessing it was a Mod that made contact. I’m not exactly hard to find (clearly??) Totally messed up, in my mind,yesterday . Tested + yesterday and mind was all over the place. Just had enough as business was getting better again and had to cancel again. So frustrating. So Ill last night and today but it seems to have broken so all good. It’s so frustrating what triggers. It was horrendous and I think about them everyday. My only sibling died the year before and my Mother last May so it all got a bit much. Thank you so much for caring. Particularly those that sent me a PM.
I’ve only just read this thread TVR1 and my heart goes out to you and your family and I hope you find some peace. I don’t think there’s a catch all answer to what goes on in our lives….I’ve recently lost my son to cancer, the second of my lads to have it. Not long back we also lost a lad late on in pregnancy and shortly after my wife lost both her mother and sister to cancer.
I was that numb I had no idea how to react other than to support my wife and children. It took a good while for it to hit me, I found some relief in talking about it and was warmed by the PH response to my request to take my lad out in a supercar.
More recently I’ve found that green spaces, forests and canal walks have given me the time and space that I need. Small steps to making a positive change while being able to unload here and to a stranger at MIND have all helped me.
You’ve had lots of offers from people available to talk whenever you might feel the need and I would like to add myself to that list. Good luck mate.
My thoughts are with you. I have seen the look in a persons face when they were told bad news, and I cannot imagine how tough it must be.
Please look after yourself, mentally as well, for your sake and for anyone else around you, you do matter to a lot of people. I may just be a bloke on the internet but as with all others here I am willing to chat whenever.
Please look after yourself, mentally as well, for your sake and for anyone else around you, you do matter to a lot of people. I may just be a bloke on the internet but as with all others here I am willing to chat whenever.
TVR1 - I’m so glad you’re still with us. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with reaching rock bottom - I admire you for reaching out. Many moons ago I was a wish collector for Make A Wish - I saw how very unfair life can be. You’ve had many offers to grab a drink - but if you ever want to head out on the water and just grab a beer and talk about nothing on the south coast - I’m here too. Thank f
k that window was open as new doors aren’t cheap!
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