Sex after having kids

[ZedLeg]

People tried to give support and help but he’s spent 30 pages acting like a petulant child.

My main takeaway from this thread is that I feel sorry for his partner.

[Monkeylegend]

Anybody who has any doubt as to where the issue lies should click on the "OP posts only" link on each page and read through all the posts he has made.

I would suggest the OP does the same but I doubt it would make any difference to his thoughts and his "woe is me" approach to his relationship.

I would love his other half to do the same, she would be mortified.

If ever there was a situation where the brain is being overruled by the penis, this thread is it.

[king arthur]

PinkHouse said:

Craig just needs to stop sulking (noting that the only person interested in his sob stories is probably his mum) and put on his big-boy pants and take control of his own destiny. If he's not getting sex at home then he needs to make sure he is a man that women would want to have sex with. First step is not appearing weak, desperate or giving the impression that they control all your access to sex and happiness. You'll find that women are quite in tune to social cues and pressures and are much more attracted to men that other women find attractive. So maximise your success in other areas of your life that bring you happiness e.g. going to the gym, hobbies, sports, travel, bonding with your kid etc and build a much more wholesome existence and realise that there's more to a happy life than tying your self esteem to just this woman. Once you've invested in those things I bet you won't have a problem finding someone that desires you

It might be too late to flip the switch of desire back on with his partner as women can be ruthless with these things when they find men unattractive/repulsive (kids nowadays call it the "ick").

Yes exactly this, except I would disagree that it's too late to turn her back on. Emotions are always in a state of flux, especially female ones. Women want what they can't have, so if Craig wants her to want him again he has to make himself less available. I don't mean physically stay away from her, but instead of pestering her for sex or intimacy, do the complete opposite. Make like he doesn't need or want it from her. Don't go cold on her, be supportive and all that, but treat her like he doesn't need anything physical or emotional from her. Make her question whether he wants her, rather than making it all too obvious as he does now.

[Bloxxcreative]

Get a new female best friend?

[Bathroom_Security]

Enjoyed this thread. Been an eye opener, can't say I'm looking forward to kids.

Now I know what my dad ment when he told me in my younger years it was the best time of my life.


And the Andrew Tate Alpha Male responses are comedy gold. Absolutely pathetic, recessed jawline, socially inept incels.

[dirtbiker]

I realise that this is something of a thread revival but I thought it was worth doing!

I mentioned Kate Gurney in a previous post but I've just started reading her new book 'How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life' and I think it could help a lot of folk on this thread who've found themselves in a similar situation. There are lots of parts where you're supposed to note down how you feel and discuss with your partner which I'm not quite brave enough to do yet but I think it's well worth a read to instil some hope that all is not lost!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0CL21CRR2/ref...

[PinkHouse]

dirtbiker said:

I realise that this is something of a thread revival but I thought it was worth doing!

I mentioned Kate Gurney in a previous post but I've just started reading her new book 'How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life' and I think it could help a lot of folk on this thread who've found themselves in a similar situation. There are lots of parts where you're supposed to note down how you feel and discuss with your partner which I'm not quite brave enough to do yet but I think it's well worth a read to instil some hope that all is not lost!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0CL21CRR2/ref...

With all the best will in the world, books written by women trying to give advice to men struggling with interest from the opposite sex would miss the mark 99.9% of the time. If you’re looking for advice then the best bet is to read a book by a man that has successfully dealt with these issues. You wouldn’t ask someone on benefits for career advice

[King David]

PinkHouse said:

With all the best will in the world, books written by women trying to give advice to men struggling with interest from the opposite sex would miss the mark 99.9% of the time. If you’re looking for advice then the best bet is to read a book by a man that has successfully dealt with these issues. You wouldn’t ask someone on benefits for career advice

I've not read the book - so I'm not specifically advocating for it. BUT...

A book written by a women seems to be the perfect thing for a man to read, if they are struggling to understand their wife's perspective on their sex life.

Advice from a man is always going to be one 'step' away from the female psyche. At best it will be a well meaning attempt to genuinely explain how a man can re-think their own behaviour and expectations regarding their partner following the birth of a child (similar to the advice I and other posters have given above). At worst it will be toxic bullst that utterly fails to empathise with the female perspective and encourages the reader in a faux 'Alpha' set of behaviours (akin to Andrew Tate).

[dirtbiker]

King David said:

A book written by a women seems to be the perfect thing for a man to read, if they are struggling to understand their wife's perspective on their sex life.

Thanks, I came back along to say much the same thing! Also, even better if it's a book written by a woman who is very well educated in the field and has helped multiple couples in a clinical setting. There are some surprising parts in there about the similarities between the sexes too - as well as some interesting stats about how we're conditioned to expect sex to be initiated and 'sexual scripts'.

I'm not sure I'd want to read a book about this written by a man, to be honest.

[PinkHouse]

dirtbiker said:

King David said:

A book written by a women seems to be the perfect thing for a man to read, if they are struggling to understand their wife's perspective on their sex life.

Thanks, I came back along to say much the same thing! Also, even better if it's a book written by a woman who is very well educated in the field and has helped multiple couples in a clinical setting. There are some surprising parts in there about the similarities between the sexes too - as well as some interesting stats about how we're conditioned to expect sex to be initiated and 'sexual scripts'.

I'm not sure I'd want to read a book about this written by a man, to be honest.

That makes no logical sense, if you want to become proficient at something then you'd agree that the best way to do that is to learn directly from someone that is highly skilled at doing said activity. E.g. if you want to become an engineer, lawyer, master craftsman etc. wouldn't the best way to achieve that goal be to be an apprentice, go to a class, lecture, read books from people who have excelled in these fields?

One thing is for sure, she has got zero experience in attracting women and navigating relationships as a man. She may have advised many couples in clinical settings, but I'd be willing to bet that most of those relationships have gone on to fail.

Finally there is usually a big disconnect between what women say they want in dating/marriage/sexual relationships vs their actions and the men they actually desire - which is why most of them would self confess to make objectively "bad" choices in men and many of them continually so

[Smint]

Hell fire, we're not building a bridge or designing nuclear power stations.

Each and every relationship is individual and the intimate dynamics are infinitely variable, there is no course one can take nor qualification.

[Jambo85]

PinkHouse said:

That makes no logical sense, if you want to become proficient at something then you'd agree that the best way to do that is to learn directly from someone that is highly skilled at doing said activity. E.g. if you want to become an engineer, lawyer, master craftsman etc. wouldn't the best way to achieve that goal be to be an apprentice, go to a class, lecture, read books from people who have excelled in these fields?

Applying logic is usually the first mistake in this area, I find.

[JagLover]

Jambo85 said:

Applying logic is usually the first mistake in this area, I find.

There are often logical reasons but often people do not want to hear them.

[PinkHouse]

Smint said:

Hell fire, we're not building a bridge or designing nuclear power stations.

Each and every relationship is individual and the intimate dynamics are infinitely variable, there is no course one can take nor qualification.

I think some nuclear scientists might agree that random radioactive decay is infinitely more straightforward than relationships with women!

I think there's definitely value in multiple perspectives and including this woman's book but my overriding point is that the best advice would be from someone who has been consistently successful at the desired objective

[alabbasi]

GT3Manthey said:

Read this so many times .

If she has a downer on sex now prepare yourself for that not to change.

I've not read the entire thread but from what I read, the first response is probably about as honest as it gets. If it's not something that the OP can live with, it's probably time to have a conversation about parting ways.

[Speed Badger]

How's it going OP? Hopefully less sock usage. Seriously, hope things have taken a turn for the better.

[BobSaunders]

Speed Badger said:

How's it going OP? Hopefully less sock usage. Seriously, hope things have taken a turn for the better.

Sock now pregnant, no longer interested in OP.

[CraigNewmarket]

Juat a update, everything is much the same.

She still says she just doesn't feel like it and thinks I want sex just for physical reasons rather than keeping a connection between us both.

We do it about once a month but never when we actually plan too.

Feels like I'm not getting enough out of the relationship compared to what i put in and if she even cares.

She the type of person that would do anything for anyone which makes me feel even more worthless.

I just don't understand why she never thinks I'm going to spoil him tonight or make him happy or put some effort in.

I just think to myself what if I decided I don't want do things in the relationship with her that I don't want to do anymore and just say i cant be botherd.

Or do things that I want to do but dont becauase of her like going to the pub when I want.

It's a shame cause when I got engaged i would have married her the next day but now I wouldn't and even if we have regular sex again it would take a long time before I believed things wouldn't change back.

I could change her life and give her so much but starting to feel like a mug all because she can't be bothered for 30 mins of us time once a week.

Edited by CraigNewmarket on Sunday 28th April 11:20

[M4cruiser]

anonymous-user said:

Which then leads on the scary thought that you were never the first option anyway and she only married the man to get the lifestyle she wanted.

I had a girlfriend who was leading up to this, luckily I spotted it and didn't continue the relationship to marriage. She just wanted the certificate so she could move out of her parents' house, then clean my house for a couple of years and walk off with it.

[M4cruiser]

CraigNewmarket said:

Juat a update, everything is much the same.

...

We do it about once a month but never when we actually plan too.

...

Edited by CraigNewmarket on Sunday 28th April 11:20

^ That's not bad. Once a week might be better, but once a month in your situation is ok.
(Personal view)