Death and bereavement
Discussion
Fer said:
I am sure that my wife wouldn't want me to wallow in depression - I can almost hear her kicking my arse.
Same here !!We buried my dads ashes this weekend, 2 years after he passed.
I then went for a drive in the Alpine 110 that I bought with the money he didn't spend after mum passed.
I miss my wife every single day, Fridays especially - the radio again, the music we'd listen to off on our adventures.
However, I'm trying to do the best by her and my kids every single day.
Much love OP, you're not alone.
Sorry to reopen this thread - I've got form for that sort of thing.
This weekend would have been our 30th anniversary. I am off to Paris with my son and his GF, so I can try and make some good memories, and exorcise the ghosts and thoughts of what should have been.
OK, not sure why I am typing this, or what I am trying to say... but as Churchill said - If you're going through Hell - Keep going!
This weekend would have been our 30th anniversary. I am off to Paris with my son and his GF, so I can try and make some good memories, and exorcise the ghosts and thoughts of what should have been.
OK, not sure why I am typing this, or what I am trying to say... but as Churchill said - If you're going through Hell - Keep going!
Fer said:
Sorry to reopen this thread - I've got form for that sort of thing.
This weekend would have been our 30th anniversary. I am off to Paris with my son and his GF, so I can try and make some good memories, and exorcise the ghosts and thoughts of what should have been.
OK, not sure why I am typing this, or what I am trying to say... but as Churchill said - If you're going through Hell - Keep going!
No worries about reopening the thread, that's what it's for. This weekend would have been our 30th anniversary. I am off to Paris with my son and his GF, so I can try and make some good memories, and exorcise the ghosts and thoughts of what should have been.
OK, not sure why I am typing this, or what I am trying to say... but as Churchill said - If you're going through Hell - Keep going!
Vent, ponder, reminisce, whatever helps. Try to make the best of your break
Fer said:
Sorry to reopen this thread - I've got form for that sort of thing.
This weekend would have been our 30th anniversary. I am off to Paris with my son and his GF, so I can try and make some good memories, and exorcise the ghosts and thoughts of what should have been.
OK, not sure why I am typing this, or what I am trying to say... but as Churchill said - If you're going through Hell - Keep going!
It does get better honestly. I still think of my first wife on a daily basis and she died in 1995 but now it’s always with a smile.This weekend would have been our 30th anniversary. I am off to Paris with my son and his GF, so I can try and make some good memories, and exorcise the ghosts and thoughts of what should have been.
OK, not sure why I am typing this, or what I am trying to say... but as Churchill said - If you're going through Hell - Keep going!
A message to all of us who are facing Christmas alone, especially for the first time. If, like me, you are finding this “festive period” an absolute heart wrenching time, and could give the Grinch lessons on how not to do Christmas, maybe these words might be of some use:
I hope we can all see a way through the next few days, and on into a new year. Today was the shortest day, so hopefully the longer days as we climb back up to summer will help raise our spirits.
Donna Ashworth - author of Wild Hope said:
If you haven’t sent cards this year, or forgotten someone’s gift.
If you don’t have matching pyjamas or a festive family photograph.
It’s okay.
If you can’t find the energy to be merry and bright,
or your tree isn’t even decorated yet.
That’s really just fine.
If you don’t feel like watching your favourite Christmas movies, or honouring the traditions that you normally always do.
Don’t sweat it, my friend.
This year has been hard, for many.
Really hard.
If you can’t see a way to celebrating like you have in the past, don’t worry.
Just hang on in there, finding any joy you can in any little way.
Just make it through till next year.
One day at a time.
We need you.
Hang on in there.
You are loved.
I haven’t had a good night sleep in over a week, and there are times I feel I am only just holding on. But on the bright side, I didn’t punch out the FW who tried to tell me that it was all part of god’s plan.If you don’t have matching pyjamas or a festive family photograph.
It’s okay.
If you can’t find the energy to be merry and bright,
or your tree isn’t even decorated yet.
That’s really just fine.
If you don’t feel like watching your favourite Christmas movies, or honouring the traditions that you normally always do.
Don’t sweat it, my friend.
This year has been hard, for many.
Really hard.
If you can’t see a way to celebrating like you have in the past, don’t worry.
Just hang on in there, finding any joy you can in any little way.
Just make it through till next year.
One day at a time.
We need you.
Hang on in there.
You are loved.
I hope we can all see a way through the next few days, and on into a new year. Today was the shortest day, so hopefully the longer days as we climb back up to summer will help raise our spirits.
To Fer, and to all the others of you that have suffered so much over this past year, my heart goes out to you. People on the outside tend only to be able to speak in platitudes, and we're conscious of trying not to be trite, but most that reach a certain age have experienced loss and grief, and we may have a sense of what you're going though.
This thread has been heart-rending from the start, but I hope that life doesn't feel too awful and that maybe there's a glimmer of light at the end of that dark and long tunnel. Do share here if it helps.
Things will get better, and life will get some joy again. Stay strong chaps.
This thread has been heart-rending from the start, but I hope that life doesn't feel too awful and that maybe there's a glimmer of light at the end of that dark and long tunnel. Do share here if it helps.
Things will get better, and life will get some joy again. Stay strong chaps.
Mrs S was a Christmas fanatic,if only for the food and excuse to try new dishes and perfect some old favourites.
On the shelf is a couple of jars of mincemeat and a home made Christmas pudding which was made last year. They will be used when we are back in the UK with the rest of the family.
This year we haven’t done anything,no tree,no decorations,nothing. To be honest it just doesn’t feel like Christmas without the driving force that was Mrs S.
On the shelf is a couple of jars of mincemeat and a home made Christmas pudding which was made last year. They will be used when we are back in the UK with the rest of the family.
This year we haven’t done anything,no tree,no decorations,nothing. To be honest it just doesn’t feel like Christmas without the driving force that was Mrs S.
First Christmas for me too.
My missus loved Christmas and was always planning from January, buying next year’s presents in the sales to be put away for the following year.
Where I’m lacking is the stuff my wife used to take charge of, cards, presents and the non-food related stuff.
I’ve done my best on that front, but I’m stressed in case I miss anyone or anything out.
As a couple we truly did “share the load”, so everything is on me this time for the first time…
My daughter is home from Uni and my son is coming to stay for two nights, so we’re together, like normal but missing the critical component.
My SIL lost both her parents this year too, so this Christmas I’m doing my usual thing of sorting the Christmas dinner.
I’ve tried to keep some semblance of normality, so I’ve done the tree and limited decorations but not in the usual manner.
Best wishes and strength to those in a similar position for the first time.
My missus loved Christmas and was always planning from January, buying next year’s presents in the sales to be put away for the following year.
Where I’m lacking is the stuff my wife used to take charge of, cards, presents and the non-food related stuff.
I’ve done my best on that front, but I’m stressed in case I miss anyone or anything out.
As a couple we truly did “share the load”, so everything is on me this time for the first time…
My daughter is home from Uni and my son is coming to stay for two nights, so we’re together, like normal but missing the critical component.
My SIL lost both her parents this year too, so this Christmas I’m doing my usual thing of sorting the Christmas dinner.
I’ve tried to keep some semblance of normality, so I’ve done the tree and limited decorations but not in the usual manner.
Best wishes and strength to those in a similar position for the first time.
Pflanzgarten said:
I has some counciling after a bereavement and that's one of the main explanations around grief that stuck with meFeel a bit of a fraud even posting this after reading some of the other stories. My Mam passed away on 29th November. She was 89 and had a good life which I try to keep comforting myself with just now. We lost my Dad back in 2006, and that felt different to this as having no living parents is another step in life I never realised would feel this strange. The pain of her loss is quite over bearing at times. She was pretty much my best mate for the last 3 or 4 years as I looked after her best I could everyday whilst juggling around my own work and life in general and dealing with my lad. Tablets, doctors, hospital visits, meals, shopping, lunches. Almost feels like I have lost a partner tbh. When your daily life has revolved around a person for this amount of time and it suddenly stops it really is quite strange. I'll get there though, as she would have wanted.
Something I am having a hard time with just now as it almost feels like being forced to be happy everywhere you go. Every shop I go in, xmas tunes, decorations everywhere, there is no escaping it. I know it will get better in time but this time of year and bereavement is a struggle.
Just me and my lad on Xmas day and will do my best for him and myself. Best of luck to everyone who has shared their stories.
Something I am having a hard time with just now as it almost feels like being forced to be happy everywhere you go. Every shop I go in, xmas tunes, decorations everywhere, there is no escaping it. I know it will get better in time but this time of year and bereavement is a struggle.
Just me and my lad on Xmas day and will do my best for him and myself. Best of luck to everyone who has shared their stories.
Happy New Year !
Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
smifffymoto said:
Happy New Year !
Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
Smiffy. Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
Day by day, step by step, you'll get to a place you're ok with.
All the best.
smifffymoto said:
Happy New Year !
Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
Good to hear Smiffy, positive progress is what I think gets you through it… but of course in your own timescale.Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
First step for me today. The kids and I are in France skiing and it was Andrea’s wish to come with us.
I brought a small scatter tube of ashes with us and today we scattered them in an appropriate place near one of the mountain summits, so it’s accessible to my children if they ever wish to visit.
We then headed to the summit bar for a toast of something suitably alcoholic to a wonderful person
Well today I am broken. It is 6 months since my wife passed, and this morning I was getting terrible flash backs to the ITU, and the final hours. As if that wasn't bad enough, Google Photos chose that moment to remind me of pictures of her 50th birthday party. Had to find a dark corner of the office to have a sob.
I am still working on being happy and strong. I take strength in the fact that at least with her going first she isn't having to go through what I am right now, so that's a small blessing.
I am still working on being happy and strong. I take strength in the fact that at least with her going first she isn't having to go through what I am right now, so that's a small blessing.
Sorry to hear that Fer.
It’s the ups and downs of grief I think?
I think I have more “up” days than “down”, but some of the “downs” can be really “down”, those I really struggle with.
It’ll be the 6 month anniversary for me in 10 days.
In some ways it feels an age and in others an eternity….
Try to keep positive but accept you are still grieving…which you need to do in your own way.
It’s the ups and downs of grief I think?
I think I have more “up” days than “down”, but some of the “downs” can be really “down”, those I really struggle with.
It’ll be the 6 month anniversary for me in 10 days.
In some ways it feels an age and in others an eternity….
Try to keep positive but accept you are still grieving…which you need to do in your own way.
I was very lucky actually at the time.
Was very close to my Mum, and when she died she was very prepared for it all it was no shock.
But the aftermath was tougher in weird ways, your life kind of starts again in a way, you feel you must make a change or reset and i could not do this for quite a while, I did not feel grief as you think of it, more of an adjustment, but I felt like I had to reset and it did not really work very well. I did not work properly for nearly 2 years , trying very hard to get that perfect role, wasted a ton of money as a result.
Was a weird thing to experience, it was depression I suppose.
Was very close to my Mum, and when she died she was very prepared for it all it was no shock.
But the aftermath was tougher in weird ways, your life kind of starts again in a way, you feel you must make a change or reset and i could not do this for quite a while, I did not feel grief as you think of it, more of an adjustment, but I felt like I had to reset and it did not really work very well. I did not work properly for nearly 2 years , trying very hard to get that perfect role, wasted a ton of money as a result.
Was a weird thing to experience, it was depression I suppose.
dirky dirk said:
Its a weird thing grief,
Miss my dad several times a day 7 years later,
Dont miss mum and its not a year,
Dad was no trouble, mum went out of her way to be difficult
I stated a thread called joy of elderely parents to highlight my struggles
Still think about my Dad every day, he died 41 years ago in cruel circumstances. Still have the occasional full on outburst of physical manifestations of grief. I'm sorry to say that people who say "time is a great healer" haven't got a clue what they're talking about. The only thing that begins to mollify me these days is that he'd be 83 now, and of course there's a great chance he'd have passed away in the intervening years. So whilst I feel my grief is less keen, it will never be assuaged if I live to over 100. But it's OK. That's life. No pain, no joy. I'll take both.Miss my dad several times a day 7 years later,
Dont miss mum and its not a year,
Dad was no trouble, mum went out of her way to be difficult
I stated a thread called joy of elderely parents to highlight my struggles
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