I can't be arsed!

[foxbody-87]

Thank you all for your input, some food for thought there. (Literally). My 37th is coming up soon so I have set myself a target to be in far better physical shape than I was when I turned 30, primarily through cutting out snacks and doing more exercise. I hope this gives me a bit more energy and leads onto further motivation.

[heisthegaffer]

I've felt a lot like this recently OP so rather than a little walk with the dog, I take her for 5km plus as much as possible, fast walking with a pod cast in.

Feels good. Relaxing but a good sense of achievement.

[Chamon_Lee]

OP I feel the same as you, its been two years, even though I theoretically know what I need to do to progress I honestly cant be F'd.
I originally thought I was burnt out but its been two years of having a more sedate life and I feel the same.
Half of this thread has been filled with posts of depression, surely thats an exaggeration, feels a stretch to call it depression or am I wrong?

[heisthegaffer]

Chamon_Lee said:

OP I feel the same as you, its been two years, even though I theoretically know what I need to do to progress I honestly cant be F'd.
I originally thought I was burnt out but its been two years of having a more sedate life and I feel the same.
Half of this thread has been filled with posts of depression, surely thats an exaggeration, feels a stretch to call it depression or am I wrong?

It's probably a mix of things and depression can be very mild.

I was talking to a friend of mine who listened to how I feel and he said that it sounds as though I'm unfulfilled.

I suppose I work hard and run around after everyone else, my immediate family, elderly parents, help my sister out with her kids etc and I don't really have any hobbies.

There's lots I want to do to the house but can't afford to do any of it right now and I guess that's part of it. Can see potential but can't do any of it.

[RC1807]

r3g said:

DIET DIET DIET. OP list your typical diet. I suspect the problem and fix is quite simple.

Read initial post and thought similarly.

Step away from ultra processed foods.

[csd19]

I'm 43 and can sympathise with the OP, feel like I'm not quite right.

g3org3y said:

No partner or kids?

No goals or targets in life?

This question hit home a bit hard - no wife/gf, no kids, nothing I really want to do. I'm working through redecorating and renovating the house and although it's been good to see the changes and improvements I'm not getting a buzz from it. Or if I do it's very short lived. I still do bits and pieces on the cars but it's in a similar vein.

Maybe I need to book a holiday away this year, I certainly get enough time off work to make it happen.

Occasionally it really does feel like I'm just marking time until the day my heart stops, hopefully another 30 years to go...

[BenEK9]

csd19 said:

I'm 43 and can sympathise with the OP, feel like I'm not quite right.

g3org3y said:

No partner or kids?

No goals or targets in life?

This question hit home a bit hard - no wife/gf, no kids, nothing I really want to do. I'm working through redecorating and renovating the house and although it's been good to see the changes and improvements I'm not getting a buzz from it. Or if I do it's very short lived. I still do bits and pieces on the cars but it's in a similar vein.

Maybe I need to book a holiday away this year, I certainly get enough time off work to make it happen.

Occasionally it really does feel like I'm just marking time until the day my heart stops, hopefully another 30 years to go...

Other peoples idea's of a successful life, wife, kids or achieving goals and targets are not a fix for everyone. Plenty of miserable people with all those.
To try to drag yourself out of any mild form depression by striving to reach societal goals, could make you feel worse as you fail to achieve them or they might not fix depression if you do.

Do little things everyday that make you feel good about yourself, try to be kind and useful in your environment, eat well and start a regular cardio exercise regime of some sort.
You should start to find your own way. Be it wife and kids, a life spent travelling the world, or whatever. But just start by looking after your body and mind.

[DickyC]

Older than most here but I was getting to the 'can't be arsed' state. Not depressed but accepting I was slowing down and actually looking forward to a steady decline wallowing in comfort food and daytime television. It turns out I needed a double heart bypass.

Things have picked up no end since. DIY projects, gardening, all sorts. Weekly cardio exercises and a two mile walk every day do wonders. They give me time to marvel at the lies I was telling myself.

Have yer old ticker checked out.

[xx99xx]

I'm curious about the 'life goals/targets' thing. Who on earth plans their life out in advance and puts energy into (trying to) making it happen?! So many things can come along and bugger up long term plans, and some of them can be out of ones control so the idea of a life plan is somewhat strange to me.

Life plan = be happy. Is that the kind of thing you mean?

[Forester1965]

I feel similar to the OP. The one curious thing is that exercise yields no happiness. It only works on my mental state if I literally kick the living sh&t out of myself to the point of near collapse.

[WestyCarl]

xx99xx said:

I'm curious about the 'life goals/targets' thing. Who on earth plans their life out in advance and puts energy into (trying to) making it happen?! So many things can come along and bugger up long term plans, and some of them can be out of ones control so the idea of a life plan is somewhat strange to me.

Life plan = be happy. Is that the kind of thing you mean?

I don't know about life goals but I certainly set targets and enjoy the planning and thinking about them (often more than the outcome)

Various stuff, can be plans for cars, fitness, events, learnng something new, etc. Some are short term but I find the best for me are something that may take around 2yrs.

[Hoofy]

xx99xx said:

I'm curious about the 'life goals/targets' thing. Who on earth plans their life out in advance and puts energy into (trying to) making it happen?! So many things can come along and bugger up long term plans, and some of them can be out of ones control so the idea of a life plan is somewhat strange to me.

Life plan = be happy. Is that the kind of thing you mean?

Having a plan and a sense of excitement about a goal is where you get the happy. Just being happy is hard on its own, although some sense of it is possible through being grateful for what you have and appreciating everything already in your life but that's not particularly interest/exciting. If you want to take it up a notch, then having a goal that's meaningful to you and exciting to you is what you need to think about.

Note that I wrote "that's meaningful to you" because if you have goals that are what will impress others, then you won't bother for long, plus when you get there, you won't care that much. I could spend the next year learning how to and then setting about landscaping my garden, but frankly I cba with that and hardly use my garden (except to access the bins) so it's irrelevant to me (the garden is part of me investing in this property). I prefer to cultivate my mind and my body while there are many who love gardens and have a body that's as healthy-looking at my garden. I'm sure my neighbours, friends and family would all be impressed if I landscaped my garden, but I'm not interested in hearing "well done, Hoofy!" from them.

Edited by Hoofy on Monday 12th February 21:31

[xx99xx]

Yep, I get you.

As I don't really need anything essential, I have no plans or goals. I probably lack ambition, but not happiness.

Even when I've been on diets, I've not set a weight loss goal. I just do it until I feel like I don't need to do it any more. Last year's diet I didn't even weigh myself as it was more about visually noticeable differences rather than numbers on a scale. I guess you can call that a goal but an undefined one!

[Nethybridge]

Wait till retirement, it's much, much worse,

If you are unfullfilled, unmotivated and soporific at 37, just wait 30 years.

Hey, hope that helps.

[Hoofy]

xx99xx said:

Yep, I get you.

As I don't really need anything essential, I have no plans or goals. I probably lack ambition, but not happiness.

Even when I've been on diets, I've not set a weight loss goal. I just do it until I feel like I don't need to do it any more. Last year's diet I didn't even weigh myself as it was more about visually noticeable differences rather than numbers on a scale. I guess you can call that a goal but an undefined one!

Yeah, same here. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands an unplanned number of times.

But if you're not happy, then it's time to set goals and maybe even do the SMART goal thing.

[Gerradi]

Nethybridge said:

Wait till retirement, it's much, much worse,

If you are unfullfilled, unmotivated and soporific at 37, just wait 30 years.

Hey, hope that helps.

Very good...

[xx99xx]

Nethybridge said:

Wait till retirement, it's much, much worse,

If you are unfullfilled, unmotivated and soporific at 37, just wait 30 years.

Hey, hope that helps.

How is it worse? What difference does being retired make? I thought most people look forward to doing nothing (if they wish) when they retire?!

[Nethybridge]

xx99xx said:

How is it worse? What difference does being retired make? I thought most people look forward to doing nothing (if they wish) when they retire?!

I meant at present his job fills part of his day, with retirement you have all day to fill with nothing.

[ATM]

I did a 3 day fast couple weeks ago. So just woke up and thought today I eat nothing. Then on day 2 I woke up and thought 72 hours is a sensible goal. So stuck to it.

Why do I mention this?

It gives you a sense of achievement by basically doing nothing.

It makes you feel perkier than usual. Your body will start producing different hormones on day 2. You won't understand this till you try it. Science - these hormones are to encourage you to get off your ass and go hunt or gather food because you're hungry, properly hungry.

You don't actually feel hungry on day 2. Again - You won't understand this till you try it.

It's supposed to be good for You. Can't be any worse than sitting on your ass, doing nothing and eating rubbish.

[NAAHD]

Personally the thing that got me out of a rut was perspective. It’s not like a magic fix and I still have bad days or even bad weeks but really look at the grand scheme of things. We are walking and breathing on a floating rock that’s travelling through space that’s expanding into something we don’t know and we can’t understand how or why we are here, if there’s a god or a cosmic reason to our existence. We live among many humans and many living creatures making even our most famous people irrelevant at the heart of it. One day you and I will be gone and completely forgotten.

Something in my mind resonates with this and helps ironically give me that F it attitude towards life. If this thought path is likely to make you want to give up or be lazy as there’s no point in trying since we’re just a tiny part of a big puzzle then it’s probably not for you. I think I got lazy because I cared about what others thought and didn’t want to get uncomfortable in case of failure. Exercise and fresh air sounds like a broken record but it really cuts the bacon sometimes.

Also being kind to yourself goes a long way. If you imagine yourself talking to a friend in your situation, how would you react? You wouldn’t likely be as hard on them as you are on yourself.

Set achievable goals and genuinely celebrate them, no matter how small.

A trip to the doctor is always a good idea, even if you’re not wanting meds. Sometimes talking can be a good help too