The less obvious signs of ageing
Discussion
uriel said:
There is a certain type of jacket that all older men have. It's pretty much always blue or brown, very occasionally grey. Made of some awful polyester/cotton, waist length with elasticated waist and cuffs, zip up front and pockets, with a darker band of blue/brown/grey that goes around the top of the arm, just below the shoulder.
I have no idea where they get them, Google didn't help. Maybe mail order from the magazines in the sunday papers?
Someone must know what I mean, right?
Come to my town, Cleveleys- we have whole indoor markets selling that stuff! Mind you, the definition of a fit bird here is one without her Zimmerframe.I have no idea where they get them, Google didn't help. Maybe mail order from the magazines in the sunday papers?
Someone must know what I mean, right?
Still, saves me moving to a nice retirement area on the coast when I retire, eh?
It's the waking up early thing that gets me. Honestly, is it too much to be able to have a lie-in at the weekend? I had 5 pints last night (only 5!!) and I still woke up at 7:30 feeling rough....
Oh, and I've also realised that I now look daft in a hot hatch. I mean properly daft, like I nicked it from a teenager. Sigh....
Planted onions and garlic last week. Radio in the car is tuned to Radio 4 in the mornings because I get annoyed with all these modern DJs.
Wondering around town muttering at the state of the way people dress. Or going into town early to 'avoid the crowds'.
Terrible.
Oh, and I've also realised that I now look daft in a hot hatch. I mean properly daft, like I nicked it from a teenager. Sigh....
Planted onions and garlic last week. Radio in the car is tuned to Radio 4 in the mornings because I get annoyed with all these modern DJs.
Wondering around town muttering at the state of the way people dress. Or going into town early to 'avoid the crowds'.
Terrible.
Every copper and traffic warden you see, looks about 12.
You start to fancy your daughters friends, and believe they think youre rather attractive, which quite obviously you're not.
Agree with nose and ear hair. Ideal for sweep over though.
Dancing at weddings resembles Ricky Gervais
Your kids find you embarrassing at all times
Different ache or pain every single morning. Next phase will just be a massive heart attack, as all of them were warnings!
Tying shoe laces becomes a major hurdle. Might be more to do with the 'water retention' issues as oppsoed to age though
You start to fancy your daughters friends, and believe they think youre rather attractive, which quite obviously you're not.
Agree with nose and ear hair. Ideal for sweep over though.
Dancing at weddings resembles Ricky Gervais
Your kids find you embarrassing at all times
Different ache or pain every single morning. Next phase will just be a massive heart attack, as all of them were warnings!
Tying shoe laces becomes a major hurdle. Might be more to do with the 'water retention' issues as oppsoed to age though
The idea of Velcro fastening trainers starts to become sensible.
Lambswool lined tartan slippers are just the dogs bo77ox.
Your weekly visits to the pharmacy have ruled out condoms & replaced with Deep Heat, Ralgex, Sanatogen, Viagra (God knows what for though !) & that hair dye just for men. ("Athens" 2000
)
You wear an extra layer as "it just feels a bit chilly this morning"
Lambswool lined tartan slippers are just the dogs bo77ox.
Your weekly visits to the pharmacy have ruled out condoms & replaced with Deep Heat, Ralgex, Sanatogen, Viagra (God knows what for though !) & that hair dye just for men. ("Athens" 2000
)You wear an extra layer as "it just feels a bit chilly this morning"
gerradiuk said:
You know you've reached middle age when you make a sighing noise whenever you bend down to pick up a grandchild ,get in/out of a chair etc
Check on that one! I think though, there's a more complex pattern to it:Stage 1 - sighs and grunts of contention
Stage 2 - sighs and grunts of discomfort but you realise afterwards that you have done it and make conscious effort not to do it again
Stage 3 - sighs and grunts of discomfort but you realise afterwards that you have done it and make conscious effort not to do it again, but fail
Stage 4 - sighs and grunts of discomfort but you are oblivious to all
Stage 5 - you would sigh and grunt all the time if only the bloody dribbling would stop
At 37, I'm hovering between Stages 3 and 4 !
Im 21 and getting worried at this thread! 
I luckily have a full head of long blondish hair and slim 30 waist line.
But ive got a 4x4 already, manual though. I like wearing my slippers but i dont get humped at ps3 online. Yet... although last night was shocking as i got handed in every cod4 match i entered
Still dance well.. i think and can ruin everything female that allows me in bed with so not all lost
I luckily have a full head of long blondish hair and slim 30 waist line.
But ive got a 4x4 already, manual though. I like wearing my slippers but i dont get humped at ps3 online. Yet... although last night was shocking as i got handed in every cod4 match i entered
Still dance well.. i think and can ruin everything female that allows me in bed with so not all lost
A.J.M said:
Im 21 and getting worried at this thread!
I luckily have a full head of long blondish hair and slim 30 waist line.
But ive got a 4x4 already, manual though. I like wearing my slippers but i dont get humped at ps3 online. Yet... although last night was shocking as i got handed in every cod4 match i entered
Still dance well.. i think and can ruin everything female that allows me in bed with so not all lost
Ah yes, you can expect to become totally confused when someone talks about things like ps3 online and a cod4 match. What the hell is that?I luckily have a full head of long blondish hair and slim 30 waist line.
But ive got a 4x4 already, manual though. I like wearing my slippers but i dont get humped at ps3 online. Yet... although last night was shocking as i got handed in every cod4 match i entered
Still dance well.. i think and can ruin everything female that allows me in bed with so not all lost
:JDH1 said:
A.J.M said:
Im 21 and getting worried at this thread!
I luckily have a full head of long blondish hair and slim 30 waist line.
But ive got a 4x4 already, manual though. I like wearing my slippers but i dont get humped at ps3 online. Yet... although last night was shocking as i got handed in every cod4 match i entered
Still dance well.. i think and can ruin everything female that allows me in bed with so not all lost
Ah yes, you can expect to become totally confused when someone talks about things like ps3 online and a cod4 match. What the hell is that?I luckily have a full head of long blondish hair and slim 30 waist line.
But ive got a 4x4 already, manual though. I like wearing my slippers but i dont get humped at ps3 online. Yet... although last night was shocking as i got handed in every cod4 match i entered
Still dance well.. i think and can ruin everything female that allows me in bed with so not all lost
Call of Duty 4 - COD4 (at least I hope it is)
I'm 43 and have worked out that if my ear and nose hair keeps growing at the rate it does, once I get to 86 then I'll have to trim my ear and nose hair when I go to bed, and again when I get up otherwise I'll trip over it when I get out of bed in the morning.
My ears are also growing, I keep practice waggling them. At 93 I should be able to fly.
My ears are also growing, I keep practice waggling them. At 93 I should be able to fly.
Billy Shakyspear said:
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
This thread is getting me thinking!
Prefere to "Sleep" in the bed yet? Check
Bought one of those memory foam mattresses yet? check
You look forward to a nice cup of tea!check
Got those arch supports in your shoes yet?Not yet
Honda Jazz start to look appealing yet?No but I was looking at Nissan Cube's for the wife
Listening to Magic FM yet?Preset in the kitchen and bedroom
Live in a detached Bungalow in 'oldsville' where everyone says 'Morning!'check
(EFA) Plus, i'm only 29!
Prefere to "Sleep" in the bed yet? Check
Bought one of those memory foam mattresses yet? check
You look forward to a nice cup of tea!check
Got those arch supports in your shoes yet?Not yet
Honda Jazz start to look appealing yet?No but I was looking at Nissan Cube's for the wife
Listening to Magic FM yet?Preset in the kitchen and bedroom
Live in a detached Bungalow in 'oldsville' where everyone says 'Morning!'check
(EFA) Plus, i'm only 29!
Edited by ChrisDT on Saturday 21st March 15:56
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