The waiting is the hardest bit
Discussion
Bill said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
According to this it's 16 days. I thought Scotland didn't require the delay (hence Gretna Green) but again that seems to be due to historic age issues (ie under 18 without parental consent).Best wishes to Mr and Ms Drivin Me Nuts, I hope all works out.......
Dominic
Thank you for all your kind words and support. Today life goes on as normal. A few things new to add, just like many others on here, with pills to take in the morning and things to be done at certain times. It's not a big deal and slowly, the mind gets over the initial horrible shock and fear and something more resolute and stronger starts to emerge. It's not easy. She's sitting in a chair opposite me reading some bits and pieces - her normal morning 'ritual' and my ears are attuned to every different sound and stance. Life goes on, but these days are precious. I don't know what the outcome of all this will be and of course I am worried sick, but one thing fills me with joy and gives me inner strength and calmness and that is the knowledge that I have told her every day since before I can remember that I love her more than life itself.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....
It's odd really, here I am sitting at somewhere near 2am thinking about the last week and I can say without a doubt that it has been the worst and arguably the longest week of my life. From sunday before yesterday to today, life has taken such a turn. The shock was just that.. shocking and daunting beyond belief and for pretty much the whole of the week I was running full blown headless mode. Yet as the weekend has come around and my lass came home, something called normality and sanity returned. When she called me at the end of the week and told me she was coming home it was utter relief. The weekend was peaceful and quiet with smatterings of wellwishers and distraught calls from relatives half way around the world who dream the worst and expect bad news at a moments notice. But even in that, there was a calmness lost at the beginning of the week.
Today she had to go back - nothing's changed really but as she has such great difficulty swallowing she needs to be in hospital for saline, vitamins and a rig to be fitted. At the end of the week we find out the real story - plan for the worst and hope for the best seems to be the sane way to do it and I think that as time has passed, mentally I am becoming more prepared for what the worst might be, but if I cry when I hear good news it will be tears of utter relief. Bits of life go into a holding pattern, much of life continues and part of the joy of life continuing as normal is just that - it keeps life focused. The house is empty, but returning to hospital today was under our control and the difference emotionally, mentally and psychologically was huge compared to last week. Control is returning, slowly and that in itself makes a huge difference. This weekeend was so needed, just to gather our breath and feel 'normal' again.
The staff in the hospital are just ace; human, compassionate, charming, sometimes funny and they show their caring in so many different ways. They are a credit to their differing professions.
I am also lucky in another respect in having family in the 'business'. It's been a godsend having someone professional to talk to at stupid hours of the morning who has been able to talk me through my darkest thoughts with calm doses or reality and understanding of the processes and steps. Thanks sis, you may never read this, but your words have helped me beyond measure and I will be forever in your debt for offering such pragmatic advice in the depths of darkest hours last monday and tuesday night.
I have met the cancer monster before in my life, it stalks my family - sometimes directly, more often indirectly. It has been like a sniper, taking friends and family when they least expect it. This time it might have tried to take a bite out of my dearest. But you know what cancer, I see you for what you are. I know your cells are weak, I know the power of the mind, I know the strength of resolve and I see you for what you are. You have no hold over me. I name you for what you are. T cells, B cells, NK cells do your stuff. If you think you can take this life, you can f
k right off.
It's odd really, here I am sitting at somewhere near 2am thinking about the last week and I can say without a doubt that it has been the worst and arguably the longest week of my life. From sunday before yesterday to today, life has taken such a turn. The shock was just that.. shocking and daunting beyond belief and for pretty much the whole of the week I was running full blown headless mode. Yet as the weekend has come around and my lass came home, something called normality and sanity returned. When she called me at the end of the week and told me she was coming home it was utter relief. The weekend was peaceful and quiet with smatterings of wellwishers and distraught calls from relatives half way around the world who dream the worst and expect bad news at a moments notice. But even in that, there was a calmness lost at the beginning of the week.
Today she had to go back - nothing's changed really but as she has such great difficulty swallowing she needs to be in hospital for saline, vitamins and a rig to be fitted. At the end of the week we find out the real story - plan for the worst and hope for the best seems to be the sane way to do it and I think that as time has passed, mentally I am becoming more prepared for what the worst might be, but if I cry when I hear good news it will be tears of utter relief. Bits of life go into a holding pattern, much of life continues and part of the joy of life continuing as normal is just that - it keeps life focused. The house is empty, but returning to hospital today was under our control and the difference emotionally, mentally and psychologically was huge compared to last week. Control is returning, slowly and that in itself makes a huge difference. This weekeend was so needed, just to gather our breath and feel 'normal' again.
The staff in the hospital are just ace; human, compassionate, charming, sometimes funny and they show their caring in so many different ways. They are a credit to their differing professions.
I am also lucky in another respect in having family in the 'business'. It's been a godsend having someone professional to talk to at stupid hours of the morning who has been able to talk me through my darkest thoughts with calm doses or reality and understanding of the processes and steps. Thanks sis, you may never read this, but your words have helped me beyond measure and I will be forever in your debt for offering such pragmatic advice in the depths of darkest hours last monday and tuesday night.
I have met the cancer monster before in my life, it stalks my family - sometimes directly, more often indirectly. It has been like a sniper, taking friends and family when they least expect it. This time it might have tried to take a bite out of my dearest. But you know what cancer, I see you for what you are. I know your cells are weak, I know the power of the mind, I know the strength of resolve and I see you for what you are. You have no hold over me. I name you for what you are. T cells, B cells, NK cells do your stuff. If you think you can take this life, you can f
k right off.I can add no more but my thoughts for you both. 
drivin_me_nuts said:
....one thing fills me with joy and gives me inner strength and calmness and that is the knowledge that I have told her every day since before I can remember that I love her more than life itself.
This is THE most important thing anyone can ever do for their loved one and something that so many people sideline in their rush to that never to be had pot of gold at the end of the imaginary rainbow.I wish you both all the best and hope that this can be sorted out as soon as possible.
Waiting is the worst thing. At least when you know what you are dealing with, you have a plan and can put a name to whatever it is that is causing the problem.
It is also far worse for your partner or other loved ones than it is for the person with the issue. When I had lymphoma I just got on with it as I knew that my choices were limited. I lived or died. End of story. I wouldn't have to deal with all of the heartbreak that went along with it.
You are doing well and keep talking to people, don't hide away from it. Don't decline help for any macho reasons, you are allowed to get upset and find it difficult. People around you will want to help out all they can. Let them, it makes them feel useful and gives you a break too.
Look after your O/H and yourself, hopefully in a few months, this will just be a memory.
Waiting is the worst thing. At least when you know what you are dealing with, you have a plan and can put a name to whatever it is that is causing the problem.
It is also far worse for your partner or other loved ones than it is for the person with the issue. When I had lymphoma I just got on with it as I knew that my choices were limited. I lived or died. End of story. I wouldn't have to deal with all of the heartbreak that went along with it.
You are doing well and keep talking to people, don't hide away from it. Don't decline help for any macho reasons, you are allowed to get upset and find it difficult. People around you will want to help out all they can. Let them, it makes them feel useful and gives you a break too.
Look after your O/H and yourself, hopefully in a few months, this will just be a memory.
So we now know that it's cancer - the way the consultants just throw it into the conversation is laughably amusing. It is just as well that my missues is phased by bugger all, because by christ there approach to telling patients lacks and form of finesse. We have our big meet tomorrow morning for the staging, prognosis and treatment plan. Oh well, the positive thing is that it has a name, it holds no fear for either of us, it is what it is. For the first time since last week I feel proper relief and calmness. Uncertainty is the worst bit. I shall sleep better tonight knowing what it is. Stage I - IV... it's all pretty bloody meaningless. It is what it is, we deal with what ever comes along. Pragmatism and logic wins out.
Thanks once again for all your kind words and support. Sorry of this thread is turning into a brain dump, but it feels really positive and knowing that there are people out there in 'internet land' wishing us well strengthens me from the inside out. You have my deepest thanks.
Thanks once again for all your kind words and support. Sorry of this thread is turning into a brain dump, but it feels really positive and knowing that there are people out there in 'internet land' wishing us well strengthens me from the inside out. You have my deepest thanks.
One thing you'll learn is that Cancer is a word used by lay people. You are now no longer one of them. Cancer covers such a massive range of things, that as a word, it is almost meaningless in an individual case.
Once you know exactly what it is you are dealing with, then you can have a plan and you will start to fight back against it.
Listen to the consultants and don't be afraid to ask questions, there are other issues that you might want to discuss or deal with, from future fertility as well as the immediate issues such as treatment, prognosis etc.
Once you know exactly what it is you are dealing with, then you can have a plan and you will start to fight back against it.
Listen to the consultants and don't be afraid to ask questions, there are other issues that you might want to discuss or deal with, from future fertility as well as the immediate issues such as treatment, prognosis etc.
Well OP what else can I say that has not already been said.
Again I am one who read your story of your partner in the amazing people / stories thread and was blown away with that.
Then reading through this thread from the start was truely moving. I wholey and unresevedly give you both my best wishes, thoughts and prayers. You may or may not be religious so please don't be offended when I say I will be praying for you both tonight. Just my way of doing something to help.
Again I am one who read your story of your partner in the amazing people / stories thread and was blown away with that.
Then reading through this thread from the start was truely moving. I wholey and unresevedly give you both my best wishes, thoughts and prayers. You may or may not be religious so please don't be offended when I say I will be praying for you both tonight. Just my way of doing something to help.
Well it has been an interesting morning. Chemotherapy beckons and then all things being well, radiotherapy. It was an interesting approach to see the whole team at the same time and the honesty and approach of the consultants after this long ten days has been a very pleasant relief. I think our calmness and natural curiosity somewhat bemused the team. I don't think they were quite expecting us to be the way we were!
Positive day, interesting to see life from the other side of the syringe driver. We've got a good support team around us and more potential help than I could ever have dreamed of asking for or ever wanted. Every thing is lining up nicely.
Now the fun bit, We need to see if we can still see our own clients whilst she is going through chemo. She won't stay at home and 'resting' for her is the last thing she needs. She is one tough coookie and it will do us both the world of good to just get on with our lives whilst chemo does its own thing. It may be odd to read this, but you know what, Cancer is a beautiful thing - not the disease process of cancer itself, but the cells are stunningly beautiful. My missues has spent her life around some serious 'nasties' and has turned them into the most beautiful artwork (one of the other things she does so very well), in fact our workplace is adorned with canvas after canvas and we use them with our own cancer clients. It's a shame that her artwork has embraced her so literally! I learned long ago with cancer that it takes way too much energy 'fighting cancer', that the calmer approach is so much less stress on the immune system and the mindset of both of us is so important. So positivity, pragmatism and humour are definately the way forward.
Once again I am impressed with the sheer compassion and understanding of all the staff involved. They have been utterly brilliant today and I am also so pleased that this is all taking place locally to us.
Life goes on, the world still spins, and we will do what we need to do. Thanks for listening world, in all this upheavel it's good to remain grounded. Cancer, I see you for what you are, you are beautiful, but you are an inconvenience and you don't belong in my girl. Time you went on your way.
... She said yes by the way, so somewhere in all of this I need to make plans for a wedding. I can't wait. That prospect in itself makes my heart leap and fills me with joy. She knows I love her dearly, sometimes when I think about it, it feels like my heart will burst.
Positive day, interesting to see life from the other side of the syringe driver. We've got a good support team around us and more potential help than I could ever have dreamed of asking for or ever wanted. Every thing is lining up nicely.
Now the fun bit, We need to see if we can still see our own clients whilst she is going through chemo. She won't stay at home and 'resting' for her is the last thing she needs. She is one tough coookie and it will do us both the world of good to just get on with our lives whilst chemo does its own thing. It may be odd to read this, but you know what, Cancer is a beautiful thing - not the disease process of cancer itself, but the cells are stunningly beautiful. My missues has spent her life around some serious 'nasties' and has turned them into the most beautiful artwork (one of the other things she does so very well), in fact our workplace is adorned with canvas after canvas and we use them with our own cancer clients. It's a shame that her artwork has embraced her so literally! I learned long ago with cancer that it takes way too much energy 'fighting cancer', that the calmer approach is so much less stress on the immune system and the mindset of both of us is so important. So positivity, pragmatism and humour are definately the way forward.
Once again I am impressed with the sheer compassion and understanding of all the staff involved. They have been utterly brilliant today and I am also so pleased that this is all taking place locally to us.
Life goes on, the world still spins, and we will do what we need to do. Thanks for listening world, in all this upheavel it's good to remain grounded. Cancer, I see you for what you are, you are beautiful, but you are an inconvenience and you don't belong in my girl. Time you went on your way.
... She said yes by the way, so somewhere in all of this I need to make plans for a wedding. I can't wait. That prospect in itself makes my heart leap and fills me with joy. She knows I love her dearly, sometimes when I think about it, it feels like my heart will burst.
At least you all know what you have to contend with What an amazing spirit you have, inspirational. The very best wishes and a speedy recovery to your lady. And congrats on the YES!
This whole thread brings a manly tear to the eye. Not just your own woes but the reminder that, since my wife decided we would be better apart, I actually can't feel like that about anyone anymore - and that leaves a massive hole. I'm sure it will come back one day but at the moment...
What an amazing spirit you have, inspirational. The very best wishes and a speedy recovery to your lady. And congrats on the YES!This whole thread brings a manly tear to the eye. Not just your own woes but the reminder that, since my wife decided we would be better apart, I actually can't feel like that about anyone anymore - and that leaves a massive hole. I'm sure it will come back one day but at the moment...
Good stuff DMN. It is an inconvenience, nothing more. The treatment won't be fun, but neither is it the hell that people think it is. You just have to get on with it and not let bloody cancer run your life for you.
All the best and give me a shout if you do want to talk anything through with a stranger.
All the best and give me a shout if you do want to talk anything through with a stranger.
drivin_me_nuts said:
Well it has been an interesting morning. Chemotherapy beckons and then all things being well, radiotherapy. It was an interesting approach to see the whole team at the same time and the honesty and approach of the consultants after this long ten days has been a very pleasant relief. I think our calmness and natural curiosity somewhat bemused the team. I don't think they were quite expecting us to be the way we were!
Positive day, interesting to see life from the other side of the syringe driver. We've got a good support team around us and more potential help than I could ever have dreamed of asking for or ever wanted. Every thing is lining up nicely.
Now the fun bit, We need to see if we can still see our own clients whilst she is going through chemo. She won't stay at home and 'resting' for her is the last thing she needs. She is one tough coookie and it will do us both the world of good to just get on with our lives whilst chemo does its own thing. It may be odd to read this, but you know what, Cancer is a beautiful thing - not the disease process of cancer itself, but the cells are stunningly beautiful. My missues has spent her life around some serious 'nasties' and has turned them into the most beautiful artwork (one of the other things she does so very well), in fact our workplace is adorned with canvas after canvas and we use them with our own cancer clients. It's a shame that her artwork has embraced her so literally! I learned long ago with cancer that it takes way too much energy 'fighting cancer', that the calmer approach is so much less stress on the immune system and the mindset of both of us is so important. So positivity, pragmatism and humour are definately the way forward.
Once again I am impressed with the sheer compassion and understanding of all the staff involved. They have been utterly brilliant today and I am also so pleased that this is all taking place locally to us.
Life goes on, the world still spins, and we will do what we need to do. Thanks for listening world, in all this upheavel it's good to remain grounded. Cancer, I see you for what you are, you are beautiful, but you are an inconvenience and you don't belong in my girl. Time you went on your way.
... She said yes by the way, so somewhere in all of this I need to make plans for a wedding. I can't wait. That prospect in itself makes my heart leap and fills me with joy. She knows I love her dearly, sometimes when I think about it, it feels like my heart will burst.
Well done that man you are a man among men, and your wife is a very very strong lady also,conratulations for accepting what you have been given and the strength to get rid of it, I slaute you for your strength & compassion.Positive day, interesting to see life from the other side of the syringe driver. We've got a good support team around us and more potential help than I could ever have dreamed of asking for or ever wanted. Every thing is lining up nicely.
Now the fun bit, We need to see if we can still see our own clients whilst she is going through chemo. She won't stay at home and 'resting' for her is the last thing she needs. She is one tough coookie and it will do us both the world of good to just get on with our lives whilst chemo does its own thing. It may be odd to read this, but you know what, Cancer is a beautiful thing - not the disease process of cancer itself, but the cells are stunningly beautiful. My missues has spent her life around some serious 'nasties' and has turned them into the most beautiful artwork (one of the other things she does so very well), in fact our workplace is adorned with canvas after canvas and we use them with our own cancer clients. It's a shame that her artwork has embraced her so literally! I learned long ago with cancer that it takes way too much energy 'fighting cancer', that the calmer approach is so much less stress on the immune system and the mindset of both of us is so important. So positivity, pragmatism and humour are definately the way forward.
Once again I am impressed with the sheer compassion and understanding of all the staff involved. They have been utterly brilliant today and I am also so pleased that this is all taking place locally to us.
Life goes on, the world still spins, and we will do what we need to do. Thanks for listening world, in all this upheavel it's good to remain grounded. Cancer, I see you for what you are, you are beautiful, but you are an inconvenience and you don't belong in my girl. Time you went on your way.
... She said yes by the way, so somewhere in all of this I need to make plans for a wedding. I can't wait. That prospect in itself makes my heart leap and fills me with joy. She knows I love her dearly, sometimes when I think about it, it feels like my heart will burst.
After today I wish you and your good lady the very best of luck both with your life and with your Wedding.
Our thoughts are with you
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