Difficulty getting pregnant....
Discussion
Long time poster on PH but for a number of reasons I wish to maintain my anonymity.
First time I've ever written about a personal matter on PH but writing it down appears to help so thought I'd give it a go.
Positives
The Mrs (32) and I (29) are coming up on 2 years of trying. We're both slim, healthy, eat right, BMI normal, don't smoke, exercise 3 times per week and are regularly 'intimate'.
Negatives
We both enjoy a drink but it's not excessive and 3 weeks out of 4 limited to the weekend. Mrs is prone to stress in all areas of her life, working hard to remedy this but there is no simple switch that can adjust this way of being.
After 9 months of trying our GP referred us to a specialist consultant. I provided a sample which proved to be positive. The Mrs was tested at the same time which showed mild polycystic ovaries. She was given clomid and has been on that for a year now (we questioned this but the consultant said it was fine to be on clomid for this amount of time).
After numerous appointments with the specialist he referred us to a fertility hospital in February where once again we were tested. Again my sample was positive and the Mrs' test show no signs of polycystic ovaries............in effect we are both healthy, have zero problems but cannot get pregnant.
Waiting for a consultation from the hospital (hopefully soon) to be referred for IVF.
All the while it appears that everyone on planet earth is falling pregnant. I seem to be OK with other people's happy news but the Mrs takes it hard. Getting back on your feet and being OK with everything gets harder for her as times passes, I find it becomes more complex to provide ample support but we get by.
For people in our situation Facebook is a tool only to emotionally hurt yourself; what with 12 week scans, pictures new borns, drunken fat friends announcing baby number 3 on the way etc. I avoid it and try to tell the Mrs to follow suit but that's up to her.
Close male friends do not seem great on the old support front either. Usual dumb comments like 'Are you doing it right?' seem to be common place. Stopped discussing it with them a while back.
And finally, if I hear one more person say they have a friend who went through IVF then subsequently fell pregnant naturally I will explode. Not helpful.
Rant over. Will keep this updated as it may well help me out.
First time I've ever written about a personal matter on PH but writing it down appears to help so thought I'd give it a go.
Positives
The Mrs (32) and I (29) are coming up on 2 years of trying. We're both slim, healthy, eat right, BMI normal, don't smoke, exercise 3 times per week and are regularly 'intimate'.
Negatives
We both enjoy a drink but it's not excessive and 3 weeks out of 4 limited to the weekend. Mrs is prone to stress in all areas of her life, working hard to remedy this but there is no simple switch that can adjust this way of being.
After 9 months of trying our GP referred us to a specialist consultant. I provided a sample which proved to be positive. The Mrs was tested at the same time which showed mild polycystic ovaries. She was given clomid and has been on that for a year now (we questioned this but the consultant said it was fine to be on clomid for this amount of time).
After numerous appointments with the specialist he referred us to a fertility hospital in February where once again we were tested. Again my sample was positive and the Mrs' test show no signs of polycystic ovaries............in effect we are both healthy, have zero problems but cannot get pregnant.
Waiting for a consultation from the hospital (hopefully soon) to be referred for IVF.
All the while it appears that everyone on planet earth is falling pregnant. I seem to be OK with other people's happy news but the Mrs takes it hard. Getting back on your feet and being OK with everything gets harder for her as times passes, I find it becomes more complex to provide ample support but we get by.
For people in our situation Facebook is a tool only to emotionally hurt yourself; what with 12 week scans, pictures new borns, drunken fat friends announcing baby number 3 on the way etc. I avoid it and try to tell the Mrs to follow suit but that's up to her.
Close male friends do not seem great on the old support front either. Usual dumb comments like 'Are you doing it right?' seem to be common place. Stopped discussing it with them a while back.
And finally, if I hear one more person say they have a friend who went through IVF then subsequently fell pregnant naturally I will explode. Not helpful.
Rant over. Will keep this updated as it may well help me out.
Lotus82 said:
tough things
Feel for you mate, there is no harder thing I have faced than having to console my missus each month when nothing came of it.Don't give up and don't let it break you is all I can say.
Without getting too detailed and not wishing to teach you to suck eggs, can I ask when in the month you are being 'intimate'? The OH and I were completely in the dark about the fact there is a small window of opportunity where you are actually able to inseminate (2-3 days either side of the half-way point in her cycle IIRC).
Legend83 said:
Without getting too detailed and not wishing to teach you to suck eggs, can I ask when in the month you are being 'intimate'? The OH and I were completely in the dark about the fact there is a small window of opportunity where you are actually able to inseminate (2-3 days either side of the half-way point in her cycle IIRC).
Try to average 3/4 times a week for the whole month. Some months a bit more (every other day), other months a bit less (twice a week). Key thing is keeping the average up...or so I have been told. Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Lotus - I can sympathise with all of your post and whilst you want to thump me - you never know it might *just* happen too.
I found the Thread a great outlet, and by the way - you don't need to post anonymously here.
I have been pleasantly surprised that even for the most bullish of PH'ers it seems certain subject appear to remain off limits with regards to piss taking.
I am aware it may *just* happen and find it very supportive to keep this in my head. Trying to distill this approach in the Mrs is hard, I believe the female folk of this world find this harder to do. Everyone is different in this regard. I found the Thread a great outlet, and by the way - you don't need to post anonymously here.
I have been pleasantly surprised that even for the most bullish of PH'ers it seems certain subject appear to remain off limits with regards to piss taking.
I will keep this updated. Just writing the above made me feel better and already had some positive comments. Love PH for this.
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
you don't need to post anonymously here
Understood. It's not the PH mentality I am trying to avoid, far from it. The main reason is that I have many friends on here and the Mrs would prefer to keep our situation on the QT where possible, I am therefore posting anonymously to respect her wishes. Lotus82 said:
Try to average 3/4 times a week for the whole month. Some months a bit more (every other day), other months a bit less (twice a week). Key thing is keeping the average up...or so I have been told.
Here is a suggestion.Get a calendar and on DAY 1 of your OHs next period plot 12-16 days after that, then really go at it around this period. Eggs last for 12-24 hours after being released so you have a decent window (and don't forget sperm live for a while too). After you have done the deed, get your missus to lie flat and stick her bum and legs in the air vertically. This is not about gravity(!) but rather about keeping as many spermies in the right place for a while.
Ease off a bit at times away from this fertile period, if anything to reduce the inevitable stress of having to do it all the time just to get pregnant (I don't know about you but frankly after a year of doing it solidly we really struggled to get the motivation - this can breed problems in the relationship).
Hang in there, it's not easy as we've been on the receiving end as well.
It took us 18 months to get pregnant, the issue laying with me and polycystic ovaries, stress and age rapidly going against me. We'd pretty much given up trying, hardly even speaking to each other when I found out I was pregnant
I know exactly how you feel about others getting pregnant, OH's sister seems to find any likely sperm donor to father her kids and his brothers girlfriend evidently accidently got pregnant, they both have awful diets, smoke heavily and drink. It really got my goat when she'd happily complain about not being able to go clubbing so often because of being pregnant and happily puffed 40 odd fags a day all the way through
Oh, and believe what everyone says, it's hard work but the best thing in the world having a family
It took us 18 months to get pregnant, the issue laying with me and polycystic ovaries, stress and age rapidly going against me. We'd pretty much given up trying, hardly even speaking to each other when I found out I was pregnant
I know exactly how you feel about others getting pregnant, OH's sister seems to find any likely sperm donor to father her kids and his brothers girlfriend evidently accidently got pregnant, they both have awful diets, smoke heavily and drink. It really got my goat when she'd happily complain about not being able to go clubbing so often because of being pregnant and happily puffed 40 odd fags a day all the way through
Oh, and believe what everyone says, it's hard work but the best thing in the world having a family
Legend83 said:
Lotus82 said:
Try to average 3/4 times a week for the whole month. Some months a bit more (every other day), other months a bit less (twice a week). Key thing is keeping the average up...or so I have been told.
Here is a suggestion.Get a calendar and on DAY 1 of your OHs next period plot 12-16 days after that, then really go at it around this period. Eggs last for 12-24 hours after being released so you have a decent window (and don't forget sperm live for a while too). After you have done the deed, get your missus to lie flat and stick her bum and legs in the air vertically. This is not about gravity(!) but rather about keeping as many spermies in the right place for a while.
Ease off a bit at times away from this fertile period, if anything to reduce the inevitable stress of having to do it all the time just to get pregnant (I don't know about you but frankly after a year of doing it solidly we really struggled to get the motivation - this can breed problems in the relationship).
Thank you.
New POD said:
My wife was a nurse when we first got married and when we started trying for kids it just wasn't happening.
Then she gave up working full time, went on the agency, stopped working nights, reduced her workload, and stopped being in charge. All stress gone, 3 months later pregnant.
I think there is something in this. Mrs is currently seeking new employment so hopefully that plus a massive reduction in her significant commute (1hr+ each way) will aide our situation. Then she gave up working full time, went on the agency, stopped working nights, reduced her workload, and stopped being in charge. All stress gone, 3 months later pregnant.
Lotus82 said:
...
And finally, if I hear one more person say they have a friend who went through IVF then subsequently fell pregnant naturally I will explode. Not helpful.
Rant over. Will keep this updated as it may well help me out.
Exactly what I said all those years ago. It's true though, happened to us. And finally, if I hear one more person say they have a friend who went through IVF then subsequently fell pregnant naturally I will explode. Not helpful.
Rant over. Will keep this updated as it may well help me out.
As per my previous post we've gone from being pretty much in your exact situation to having 2 girls aged 4 and 18months with another due n october. If this one's another girl you can have her for good price, asda price.
Keep going, I know it's hard and like you say getting harder for you both as time goes on
Ours took 2 years and we fell pregnant the month after we saw the specialist who couldn't find much wrong with us
I think women take it hard, every announcement gets harder and harder
We didnt do anything different the month we fell, I guess it was just timing and luck
Hope things happen soon, don't give up hope most of all, pretty much everyone in our circle of friends who had struggles too , all fell pregnant even if it took a while
Ours took 2 years and we fell pregnant the month after we saw the specialist who couldn't find much wrong with us
I think women take it hard, every announcement gets harder and harder
We didnt do anything different the month we fell, I guess it was just timing and luck
Hope things happen soon, don't give up hope most of all, pretty much everyone in our circle of friends who had struggles too , all fell pregnant even if it took a while
Lotus82 said:
I think there is something in this. Mrs is currently seeking new employment so hopefully that plus a massive reduction in her significant commute (1hr+ each way) will aide our situation.
Early shift followed by later shift followed by early shift. Get up at 6am leave at 6:30, home by 7pm, get up at 10 am, leave at 11:30 am, get home midnight, GET up at 6 am ....and so on for 7 shifts. then 3 days off then 7 straight nights, then 4 days off and start the whole thing over again.
Lotus82 said:
Legend83 said:
Without getting too detailed and not wishing to teach you to suck eggs, can I ask when in the month you are being 'intimate'? The OH and I were completely in the dark about the fact there is a small window of opportunity where you are actually able to inseminate (2-3 days either side of the half-way point in her cycle IIRC).
Try to average 3/4 times a week for the whole month. Some months a bit more (every other day), other months a bit less (twice a week). Key thing is keeping the average up...or so I have been told. Hi Lotus,
I (we) can understand your feelings for wanting not to reveal yourself, it is a touchy subject, but saying that, I don't feel that you should hide.
Post here for support.
I think you are trying to overdo it every month, and by that I mean, ram raiding her every other night.
It's just relentles sex, and your fish stocks are getting wiped out, and the new-commers are just not up to it.
Sit back, take a break, seriously plan the "EGG" time, then have all your best fish meet & greet it.
I have read and understand that, even though men's fish are plenty, they generally have one of three downsides.
First, respective slow swimming, and not bang up to speed.
Second, not able to sustain the energy for egg entry.
Third, combination of both.
For the first situation, it is better to wait until after the egg is available, and on the mission down the tubes, then do the stuff. Less swimming needed.
Or for situation number two, I believe better to have a whole lot of sperm, ready and waiting to ambush the egg. So do the dancing a day or two before the egg is released.
For the third situation, well, there is, , , ,
1) Chance,
2) No chance
3) ICSI
4) IVF
I have heard very good reports from Eugin Clinic in Barcelona.
My brother and his wife had problems, it was her problems.
They had tried 2 different IVF in UK, each one twice, so 4 tries, ( he has a few quid) and all failed.
A friend told him also about Eugin Clinic in Barcelona, one try and it was all happy smiles, first try, and she got pregnant.
Some times, the IVF or the ICSI is a better option, as it removes a lot of the worry, and the probable nit-picking that might go on between you.
I think there cost in Spain was €4130.
vette
I, like many on here, have been through IVF so if you want advice ask away. The process looks much scarier than it really is. Take it one step at a time and it is over and done with. Try and keep good humor as well. I remember a time where we had to do the "stabbing" in a service station car park. I parked the car as far away as possible from anyone and we got ready. Wife has her arse in the air and I'm about to penetrate when some one parks next to us and sees what is going on. I think they were after some sort of dogging action rather than what I am sure they assumed were heroin junkies. We just laughed it off.
It was interesting to read your story Lotus82. There is a lot of experience on this thread and some very sympathetic ears. Also, I'm sure there are plenty of lurkers who will get solace from the way you have told your story. Not everyone has the strength to open up.
Just as with learning to drive, getting pregnant is easy for some and difficult for a few. The people who have it easy do not realise how misplaced their comments can be. One particularly hurtful comment I heard once was a a guy who said "There is nothing wrong with my masculinity, I have two children to prove it." Shame he couldn't do anything about being a knob. I've not heard from anyone who has found an easy way to deal with this. But feel free to share the stupid remarks here and we will support you happily.
On a more practical note (She puts on her professional hat), I have bit a check list/script when I deal with these consultations. I'll share some of it with you and there might be something in there you haven't heard before. Most of it is nothing new.
If no anatomical problem has been found ("unexplained subfertility"), even after 2 years your statistical chance of falling pregnant naturally is greater than with assisted conception.
It is possible there is a mechanical or anatomical problem that cannot be easily tested for. I work in a different system to the UK and here some clinics still do the "post coital test" to check to see if the mucus in the women is killing the sperm from the man. If this is the case it is an easy fix with IUI with none of the risks of IVI. There can be many other reasons why the good quality sperm is just not getting through the cervix and a few rounds of IUI can get over these unknown problems. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing before you start if it will be successful. Here the clinics are big fans of IUI. But in the UK less so. According to research, your chance of becoming pregnant with IUI (without ovulation stimulation) is no better than the chance using "timed intercourse" (ovulation kits and having sex every 48-72 hours during the fertile period). But the chances are still statistically higher than with IVF.
IVF and ICSI will help overcome many many of the suggested explanations for unexplained fertility which is why I speculate it is favoured. But it comes with risks and puts couples under enormous strain. It will also not overcome people being unable to conceive due to stress/the women's body not being prepared to carry a child.
This leads me on to something you will have heard a million times. Stress plays an huge roll and IVF will not make it better. Really look at your lifestyle, how often do you kick back and do nothing? How are your weekends spent? Going out and socialising is fun but it still contributes to your stress levels. I really would recommend trimming your commitments and activities and give yourselves plenty of time together enjoying the view, reading a book, watching a DVD, listening to music etc. Have you tried reading aloud to one another?
Practical issues: I am assuming your wife has had blood tests for progesterone on day 21 and the chlamydia antigen test, Pap-smear is up to date and she is taking folic acid 400-500 mg per day?
Statistics say you are more likely to get pregnant than not, but remember sadly some people will not be so lucky and there will be people around you who have been told their chances of having a child are zero. It doesn't happen too often but there are some definite situations that can't be fixed. Thankfully you don't fall into one of those. But don't forget that with you young age you could be considered for adoption of a child. It may not fulfil many potential parents' dream of a "mini-me" but it can give children from difficult situations a really good chance of reaching their potential.
Just as with learning to drive, getting pregnant is easy for some and difficult for a few. The people who have it easy do not realise how misplaced their comments can be. One particularly hurtful comment I heard once was a a guy who said "There is nothing wrong with my masculinity, I have two children to prove it." Shame he couldn't do anything about being a knob. I've not heard from anyone who has found an easy way to deal with this. But feel free to share the stupid remarks here and we will support you happily.
On a more practical note (She puts on her professional hat), I have bit a check list/script when I deal with these consultations. I'll share some of it with you and there might be something in there you haven't heard before. Most of it is nothing new.
If no anatomical problem has been found ("unexplained subfertility"), even after 2 years your statistical chance of falling pregnant naturally is greater than with assisted conception.
It is possible there is a mechanical or anatomical problem that cannot be easily tested for. I work in a different system to the UK and here some clinics still do the "post coital test" to check to see if the mucus in the women is killing the sperm from the man. If this is the case it is an easy fix with IUI with none of the risks of IVI. There can be many other reasons why the good quality sperm is just not getting through the cervix and a few rounds of IUI can get over these unknown problems. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing before you start if it will be successful. Here the clinics are big fans of IUI. But in the UK less so. According to research, your chance of becoming pregnant with IUI (without ovulation stimulation) is no better than the chance using "timed intercourse" (ovulation kits and having sex every 48-72 hours during the fertile period). But the chances are still statistically higher than with IVF.
IVF and ICSI will help overcome many many of the suggested explanations for unexplained fertility which is why I speculate it is favoured. But it comes with risks and puts couples under enormous strain. It will also not overcome people being unable to conceive due to stress/the women's body not being prepared to carry a child.
This leads me on to something you will have heard a million times. Stress plays an huge roll and IVF will not make it better. Really look at your lifestyle, how often do you kick back and do nothing? How are your weekends spent? Going out and socialising is fun but it still contributes to your stress levels. I really would recommend trimming your commitments and activities and give yourselves plenty of time together enjoying the view, reading a book, watching a DVD, listening to music etc. Have you tried reading aloud to one another?
Practical issues: I am assuming your wife has had blood tests for progesterone on day 21 and the chlamydia antigen test, Pap-smear is up to date and she is taking folic acid 400-500 mg per day?
Statistics say you are more likely to get pregnant than not, but remember sadly some people will not be so lucky and there will be people around you who have been told their chances of having a child are zero. It doesn't happen too often but there are some definite situations that can't be fixed. Thankfully you don't fall into one of those. But don't forget that with you young age you could be considered for adoption of a child. It may not fulfil many potential parents' dream of a "mini-me" but it can give children from difficult situations a really good chance of reaching their potential.
Antonia said:
It was interesting to read your story Lotus82. There is a lot of experience on this thread and some very sympathetic ears. Also, I'm sure there are plenty of lurkers who will get solace from the way you have told your story. Not everyone has the strength to open up.
Just as with learning to drive, getting pregnant is easy for some and difficult for a few. The people who have it easy do not realise how misplaced their comments can be. One particularly hurtful comment I heard once was a a guy who said "There is nothing wrong with my masculinity, I have two children to prove it." Shame he couldn't do anything about being a knob. I've not heard from anyone who has found an easy way to deal with this. But feel free to share the stupid remarks here and we will support you happily.
On a more practical note (She puts on her professional hat), I have bit a check list/script when I deal with these consultations. I'll share some of it with you and there might be something in there you haven't heard before. Most of it is nothing new.
If no anatomical problem has been found ("unexplained subfertility"), even after 2 years your statistical chance of falling pregnant naturally is greater than with assisted conception.
It is possible there is a mechanical or anatomical problem that cannot be easily tested for. I work in a different system to the UK and here some clinics still do the "post coital test" to check to see if the mucus in the women is killing the sperm from the man. If this is the case it is an easy fix with IUI with none of the risks of IVI. There can be many other reasons why the good quality sperm is just not getting through the cervix and a few rounds of IUI can get over these unknown problems. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing before you start if it will be successful. Here the clinics are big fans of IUI. But in the UK less so. According to research, your chance of becoming pregnant with IUI (without ovulation stimulation) is no better than the chance using "timed intercourse" (ovulation kits and having sex every 48-72 hours during the fertile period). But the chances are still statistically higher than with IVF.
IVF and ICSI will help overcome many many of the suggested explanations for unexplained fertility which is why I speculate it is favoured. But it comes with risks and puts couples under enormous strain. It will also not overcome people being unable to conceive due to stress/the women's body not being prepared to carry a child.
This leads me on to something you will have heard a million times. Stress plays an huge roll and IVF will not make it better. Really look at your lifestyle, how often do you kick back and do nothing? How are your weekends spent? Going out and socialising is fun but it still contributes to your stress levels. I really would recommend trimming your commitments and activities and give yourselves plenty of time together enjoying the view, reading a book, watching a DVD, listening to music etc. Have you tried reading aloud to one another?
Practical issues: I am assuming your wife has had blood tests for progesterone on day 21 and the chlamydia antigen test, Pap-smear is up to date and she is taking folic acid 400-500 mg per day?
Statistics say you are more likely to get pregnant than not, but remember sadly some people will not be so lucky and there will be people around you who have been told their chances of having a child are zero. It doesn't happen too often but there are some definite situations that can't be fixed. Thankfully you don't fall into one of those. But don't forget that with you young age you could be considered for adoption of a child. It may not fulfil many potential parents' dream of a "mini-me" but it can give children from difficult situations a really good chance of reaching their potential.
.Just as with learning to drive, getting pregnant is easy for some and difficult for a few. The people who have it easy do not realise how misplaced their comments can be. One particularly hurtful comment I heard once was a a guy who said "There is nothing wrong with my masculinity, I have two children to prove it." Shame he couldn't do anything about being a knob. I've not heard from anyone who has found an easy way to deal with this. But feel free to share the stupid remarks here and we will support you happily.
On a more practical note (She puts on her professional hat), I have bit a check list/script when I deal with these consultations. I'll share some of it with you and there might be something in there you haven't heard before. Most of it is nothing new.
If no anatomical problem has been found ("unexplained subfertility"), even after 2 years your statistical chance of falling pregnant naturally is greater than with assisted conception.
It is possible there is a mechanical or anatomical problem that cannot be easily tested for. I work in a different system to the UK and here some clinics still do the "post coital test" to check to see if the mucus in the women is killing the sperm from the man. If this is the case it is an easy fix with IUI with none of the risks of IVI. There can be many other reasons why the good quality sperm is just not getting through the cervix and a few rounds of IUI can get over these unknown problems. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing before you start if it will be successful. Here the clinics are big fans of IUI. But in the UK less so. According to research, your chance of becoming pregnant with IUI (without ovulation stimulation) is no better than the chance using "timed intercourse" (ovulation kits and having sex every 48-72 hours during the fertile period). But the chances are still statistically higher than with IVF.
IVF and ICSI will help overcome many many of the suggested explanations for unexplained fertility which is why I speculate it is favoured. But it comes with risks and puts couples under enormous strain. It will also not overcome people being unable to conceive due to stress/the women's body not being prepared to carry a child.
This leads me on to something you will have heard a million times. Stress plays an huge roll and IVF will not make it better. Really look at your lifestyle, how often do you kick back and do nothing? How are your weekends spent? Going out and socialising is fun but it still contributes to your stress levels. I really would recommend trimming your commitments and activities and give yourselves plenty of time together enjoying the view, reading a book, watching a DVD, listening to music etc. Have you tried reading aloud to one another?
Practical issues: I am assuming your wife has had blood tests for progesterone on day 21 and the chlamydia antigen test, Pap-smear is up to date and she is taking folic acid 400-500 mg per day?
Statistics say you are more likely to get pregnant than not, but remember sadly some people will not be so lucky and there will be people around you who have been told their chances of having a child are zero. It doesn't happen too often but there are some definite situations that can't be fixed. Thankfully you don't fall into one of those. But don't forget that with you young age you could be considered for adoption of a child. It may not fulfil many potential parents' dream of a "mini-me" but it can give children from difficult situations a really good chance of reaching their potential.
Hi Antonia,
Where are you? sounds non UK ?
vette
Thanks everyone for the comments.
Antonia - where to start. Great post, thank you so much.
We are both well aware this is an area that needs loads of work but when you're 32 and it's all you've ever known it's not that easy.
On your advice we have cleared at least 50% of our social engagements to just kick back at home, spend time in the garden and switch off. Did it Sunday and Monday and it was fantastic, both loved it.
Yep. Taking the folic acid.
Thank you everyone. Really finding this useful. Open to all advice and will keep this updated with progress.
h0b0 said:
I, like many on here, have been through IVF so if you want advice ask away. The process looks much scarier than it really is. Take it one step at a time and it is over and done with. Try and keep good humor as well. I remember a time where we had to do the "stabbing" in a service station car park. I parked the car as far away as possible from anyone and we got ready. Wife has her arse in the air and I'm about to penetrate when some one parks next to us and sees what is going on. I think they were after some sort of dogging action rather than what I am sure they assumed were heroin junkies. We just laughed it off.
Good advice. We need all the humor we can get. Mrs Lotus takes these things so hard (as I assume most women do) and the longer the process goes on the harder it gets to stand back up. Antonia - where to start. Great post, thank you so much.
Antonia said:
If no anatomical problem has been found ("unexplained subfertility"), even after 2 years your statistical chance of falling pregnant naturally is greater than with assisted conception.
This is reassuring and provides great resolve to continue with the exercise, healthy diet etc. Antonia said:
check to see if the mucus in the women is killing the sperm from the man
Does anyone know if this test is done in the UK (NHS) and at what stage?Antonia said:
It will also not overcome people being unable to conceive due to stress/the women's body not being prepared to carry a child.
This is an area of concern for me. As mentioned Mrs Lotus gets VERY stressed. It's part of her make up. It does not and has not ruled her life but when work or life pressures appear they quickly become anxieties for her. For example, we went out to celebrate a friends 30th this weekend and there were a couple of young children at the party, this set Mrs Lotus off and she spent 2 hours crying to her self and would not allow anyone to console her.....she is insular with her problems and does not like to talk to people other than myself. Again, part of her make up which needs to be addressed. Counselling may be something to look at. Antonia said:
Stress plays an huge roll and IVF will not make it better. Really look at your lifestyle, how often do you kick back and do nothing? How are your weekends spent? Going out and socialising is fun but it still contributes to your stress levels. I really would recommend trimming your commitments and activities and give yourselves plenty of time together enjoying the view, reading a book, watching a DVD, listening to music etc. Have you tried reading aloud to one another?
See above. We are both well aware this is an area that needs loads of work but when you're 32 and it's all you've ever known it's not that easy.
On your advice we have cleared at least 50% of our social engagements to just kick back at home, spend time in the garden and switch off. Did it Sunday and Monday and it was fantastic, both loved it.
Antonia said:
Practical issues: I am assuming your wife has had blood tests for progesterone on day 21 and the chlamydia antigen test, Pap-smear is up to date and she is taking folic acid 400-500 mg per day?
Yep. Had all those tests (twice in fact) and got good results. Yep. Taking the folic acid.
Thank you everyone. Really finding this useful. Open to all advice and will keep this updated with progress.
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