Ex Footballer blog. Feedback and opinions appreciated.
Discussion
mikeyr said:
Ruskie said:
Thank you for the responses. Someone commented on the blog requesting that I did a blog when I was in a positive frame of mind.
Totally agree, it'll show a more rounded human face to your blog (no offence, I like your blog!) and show that depression isn't an illness which is constantly there clouding every moment for sufferers.6000 views is good work Ruskie!
The fact people are reading gives me a lift so thank you.
I had a dog and I absolutely agree with what you say I used to love taking him out. I lost him when I split up with my ex. The main reason was I had to move back with parents and my mum has an allergy. I'm back on my own but I live on the first floor so not suitable for a dog.
I had a dog and I absolutely agree with what you say I used to love taking him out. I lost him when I split up with my ex. The main reason was I had to move back with parents and my mum has an allergy. I'm back on my own but I live on the first floor so not suitable for a dog.
SpookiePookie said:
Mate, I can't express how much of a privilege it is that you've shared your deepest thoughts with us. Some of it really cuts close for me.
I always felt that I could've played to a decent level, but was badly bullied in my team. I was competing for a position with the manager's son and was either benched or played out of position. Inevitably, being played out of position means I was playing badly. I lost all confidence and quit at 14 years old when I felt I could've done much better.
I think a lot of the effects followed me into adulthood. I didn't kick a ball again until I was 18 and filling in for the "dads' team" at a tournament my younger brother was playing in. After that I didn't play again until I was 27 and I've been playing regular since. I was delighted to discover that I could still play at a good amateur level and it has been a massive confidence boost to actually win the league and make some new friends. I've come up against a few lads from the past who always looked down at me and I've taken great pleasure in giving them a good spanking!
Anyway, I'm rambling about myself. I suppose my point is have you considered playing at all? Sorry if I missed that - I've not managed to read everything yet. You might enjoy a game of 5-a-side with the pressure off. I've suffered a bit with anxiety but I've also coped with distractions. I only end up in a mess when I'm bored and can't get motivated to do anything.
I play a bit but I can't commit because of work. It's frustrating when your brain is sharp but your body is too old! Thank you for your kind words it means a lot.I always felt that I could've played to a decent level, but was badly bullied in my team. I was competing for a position with the manager's son and was either benched or played out of position. Inevitably, being played out of position means I was playing badly. I lost all confidence and quit at 14 years old when I felt I could've done much better.
I think a lot of the effects followed me into adulthood. I didn't kick a ball again until I was 18 and filling in for the "dads' team" at a tournament my younger brother was playing in. After that I didn't play again until I was 27 and I've been playing regular since. I was delighted to discover that I could still play at a good amateur level and it has been a massive confidence boost to actually win the league and make some new friends. I've come up against a few lads from the past who always looked down at me and I've taken great pleasure in giving them a good spanking!
Anyway, I'm rambling about myself. I suppose my point is have you considered playing at all? Sorry if I missed that - I've not managed to read everything yet. You might enjoy a game of 5-a-side with the pressure off. I've suffered a bit with anxiety but I've also coped with distractions. I only end up in a mess when I'm bored and can't get motivated to do anything.
anniesdad said:
I actually shed a small tear reading that a couple of nights ago. When I’m low I write. My god am I low.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2018...
Bit more of a Football based post this one.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2018...
Bit more of a Football based post this one.
warnerj said:
I've been reading your blog and in my opinion a really interesting read as it opens up a side of the game not many people get an insight into. If writing helps you with your depression then write as much as you can.
On a complete side note your Wikipedia page is more detailed than a celebrity. Did you write it?
I have no idea who wrote it but from what I can gather it was done by someone using press reports. It’s nice someone took time to catalogue my failures mixed in with the odd success On a complete side note your Wikipedia page is more detailed than a celebrity. Did you write it?
Old Man Fred said:
This is the first one of your blogs i have read, but i will definitely be going back to read some old ones as soon as i finish this post.
I think everyone has the sliding doors moment, i still remember failing my 12+ exam (i am now 39) and my parents appealed against my wishes. As i was close to the pass mark i was accepted to the grammar school where i was always struggling at the bottom of the class, also being the youngest and shortest gave me real confidence issues which i still struggle with today.
I don't mean to hijack your thread, but more to let you know there are other people that feel similar even if they don't tell you. i have never told anyone what i have just written, including my wife (now ex-wife).
It is incredibly difficult to let go of things like this, but maybe people aren't meant to, maybe they stick in the mind so we can bear these in mind for future.
I am waffling a bit now, but i am certain you are having a positive effect on people that are reading your blog. You have helped me share something that i have kept secret for 27 years after reading just one of your blogs and i thank you for that. I look forward to reading your other blogs and i hope you keep well and please keep us updated with how you are doing
Kind words, thank you. Do let me know if you manage to read some others.I think everyone has the sliding doors moment, i still remember failing my 12+ exam (i am now 39) and my parents appealed against my wishes. As i was close to the pass mark i was accepted to the grammar school where i was always struggling at the bottom of the class, also being the youngest and shortest gave me real confidence issues which i still struggle with today.
I don't mean to hijack your thread, but more to let you know there are other people that feel similar even if they don't tell you. i have never told anyone what i have just written, including my wife (now ex-wife).
It is incredibly difficult to let go of things like this, but maybe people aren't meant to, maybe they stick in the mind so we can bear these in mind for future.
I am waffling a bit now, but i am certain you are having a positive effect on people that are reading your blog. You have helped me share something that i have kept secret for 27 years after reading just one of your blogs and i thank you for that. I look forward to reading your other blogs and i hope you keep well and please keep us updated with how you are doing
KarlMac said:
Ruskie said:
When I’m low I write. My god am I low.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2018...
Bit more of a Football based post this one.
After reading that I'm fairly sure I've seen you play a few games. I know it doesn't help reading on a forum but your the victim of some really bad management and shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I'm guessing you were at Bradford at the same time as Colin Todd. https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2018...
Bit more of a Football based post this one.
If your ever near Sheffield please pop in for a coffee, I'd be great to talk some more.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
You should be proud to only have 3 things in your career where you took the wrong path, I've got way more than that. I could list them all, or perhaps just the top 20!
Seriously, all you can do is look back and laugh at your mistakes, not beat yourself up over them. I always say you only get one chance to f
k up your life, and I grabbed mine with both hands! 
I can look in the mirror and know I've made some major cock ups, but at least I think the bloke looking back is a decent human being.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
I think I am a decent human and that counts for a lot in modern society. I concur with your last statement also.Seriously, all you can do is look back and laugh at your mistakes, not beat yourself up over them. I always say you only get one chance to f
k up your life, and I grabbed mine with both hands! I can look in the mirror and know I've made some major cock ups, but at least I think the bloke looking back is a decent human being.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
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