Family coming up to stay for prolonged periods of time?
Discussion
How do other family’s work with visiting each other for prolonged periods of time? Wife's sister and brother in law arrived on Friday with three kids 18, 17 and 15. Oldest kid and both adults drink a fair bit.
They turn up Friday empty handed as usual and expect waited on hand and foot for breakfast, lunch and dinner until Monday. They don't want to go out for dinner or spend any money doing anything so wife and I run around cooking and cleaning up after them. Really pisses me off but wife is to polite to say anything. It would be fine if it was reciprocated but it's not when we go down and visit them as we stay with wife's parents who live close to her sister. They are not short of money just very tight so apart from spending money on fuel to get up here have not spent a bean or helped in any way all weekend.
This is the total opposite of my family staying with each other as we all help out and bring booze or food.
They turn up Friday empty handed as usual and expect waited on hand and foot for breakfast, lunch and dinner until Monday. They don't want to go out for dinner or spend any money doing anything so wife and I run around cooking and cleaning up after them. Really pisses me off but wife is to polite to say anything. It would be fine if it was reciprocated but it's not when we go down and visit them as we stay with wife's parents who live close to her sister. They are not short of money just very tight so apart from spending money on fuel to get up here have not spent a bean or helped in any way all weekend.
This is the total opposite of my family staying with each other as we all help out and bring booze or food.
My in-laws visit for several months at a time. They contribute by adding food to the fridge and larder, helping with big and small jobs around the house - tiling, gardening, painting - and insist on paying their way when we're on holiday together. It gets awkward when we insist on paying for a meal out and they refuse to let us pay.
Whether I'd be quite so fortunate if it was my own parents visiting, I cannot say.
Whether I'd be quite so fortunate if it was my own parents visiting, I cannot say.
I, wife and two teenagers descend quit regularly on family who live in the Med. Sometimes for weeks at a time.
Rule is we provide food and booze and host a couple of big parties for friends and more relatives in the area.
Helps I used to be a chef but that's just a bonus. If I get to stay in the sun for cost of a few flights I expect to repay the hospitality.
Not saying it's without some issues but on the whole everyone has a great time.
Rule is we provide food and booze and host a couple of big parties for friends and more relatives in the area.
Helps I used to be a chef but that's just a bonus. If I get to stay in the sun for cost of a few flights I expect to repay the hospitality.
Not saying it's without some issues but on the whole everyone has a great time.
I would start the next time they arrive - "Oh, sorry, we haven't had chance to do any shopping, could you come and give us a hand?"
If they offer to pay you're onto a winner. If not then make sure the cupboards are bare next time and don't offer.
I'd find that quite disparaging really - with family it's awkward to broach that kind of subject.
If they offer to pay you're onto a winner. If not then make sure the cupboards are bare next time and don't offer.
I'd find that quite disparaging really - with family it's awkward to broach that kind of subject.
k out of there...
O/H's sister and hubby came over a few years back with his mum for a bbq. They brought a wine box and a few sausages. We had a great afternoon but we provided most of the food (not a problem) and drink. At the end of the afternoon, the wine box was half gone, so they asked itf they could take it home. They haven't been invited since 
Monkeylegend said:
Beans on toast, scrambled eggs on toast, bowl of cornflakes for brekkie, keep the fridge empty, no alcohol in the house, that sort of thing, they will soon get the message if you don't want to say anything to them.
100% this, give them the bare bones if you absolutely have to host them. I'd turn the heating off if it was in winter, too 
For the Millenium celebrations, I booked a cottage in Cornwall for myself and my wife. Found out that my sister, B-in-law and nephew didn't have anything planned so invited them to join us. Neither asked for nor was offered a contribution towards the cost of the cottage on what was the most expensive 4 day period in the last 2000 years.
We got down a day earlier than them and did all the shopping. Sister arrived and gave us a bottle of champagne which was added to the stash of several cases of booze and vintage champagne that we had got it. My wife and I proceeded to do all the catering and cooking for the long weekend.
At the end of the stay, my sister noticed that her bottle of champagne was still in the fridge, so she said that as we hadn't drunk it, she would take it home and promptly helped herself to it and buggered off.
Kind of set the tone for the next 16 years.
We got down a day earlier than them and did all the shopping. Sister arrived and gave us a bottle of champagne which was added to the stash of several cases of booze and vintage champagne that we had got it. My wife and I proceeded to do all the catering and cooking for the long weekend.
At the end of the stay, my sister noticed that her bottle of champagne was still in the fridge, so she said that as we hadn't drunk it, she would take it home and promptly helped herself to it and buggered off.
Kind of set the tone for the next 16 years.
My uncle is like this. A few years back he and his brood were invited over for Christmas, bought nothing with them, he got incredibly drunk and swore at my grandmother at which point my dad took him out into the garden and threatened to beat him sober. Needless to say we don't have family gatherings any more, no great loss.
My sister-in-law is like this. She turns up with her husband and three kids, brings little or nothing as a gift To last time she brought some spices she'd nbeen given but didn't want), stays for 1-2 weeks, doesn't lift a finger to help. They eat three square meals a day, drink my booze, monopolise the TV, etc. If we go out for a meal they don't even offer to pay (not even their share).
They also will make an effort to return from whatever they are doing to ensure they are back in time for their free meal rather than eating out at their own expense.
I just make sure I'm away as much of the time as possible.
To be fair, they aren't particularly well off and I'd refuse to accept them paying for a meal out. It would be nice if it were offered though.
They also will make an effort to return from whatever they are doing to ensure they are back in time for their free meal rather than eating out at their own expense.
I just make sure I'm away as much of the time as possible.
To be fair, they aren't particularly well off and I'd refuse to accept them paying for a meal out. It would be nice if it were offered though.
I'm going to go against the grain here;
If you're hosting you should be cooking, cleaning and supplying food. Or at least your wife should - they're all pink jobs. If help is offered that's really nice, but it shouldn't be expected. And as for supplying food, if we've got family over we'll try but stuff in they like if we don't usually have it.
Just had my bro and his wife up (hi James), but we ate out ever day which solves a lot of the issues!
If you're hosting you should be cooking, cleaning and supplying food. Or at least your wife should - they're all pink jobs. If help is offered that's really nice, but it shouldn't be expected. And as for supplying food, if we've got family over we'll try but stuff in they like if we don't usually have it.
Just had my bro and his wife up (hi James), but we ate out ever day which solves a lot of the issues!
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