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Legend83
6,379 posts
91 months
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andy_s said: Froth? Froth is ok, as in "he parted her frothy loins". Minge is a no-no (not romantic apparently). s  tter, chuff or Gary probably not wise.
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Gene Vincent
4,002 posts
27 months
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Legend83 said: andy_s said: Froth? Froth is ok, as in "he parted her frothy loins". Minge is a no-no (not romantic apparently). s tter, chuff or Gary probably not wise. Surely not, that sounds like some form of discharge... I wonder how the book is 'going down' on mumsnet? Is the 'kit-kat shuffle*' more prevalent since its publication? - copyright The Gene Vincent Torrid Lady-Pron Publishing House.
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Buggles
1,288 posts
57 months
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Gene Vincent said: Surely not, that sounds like some form of discharge... I wonder how the book is 'going down' on mumsnet? Is the 'kit-kat shuffle*' more prevalent since its publication? - copyright The Gene Vincent Torrid Lady-Pron Publishing House.
Kit-Kat shuffle - as in two chocolatey fingers? 
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Gene Vincent
4,002 posts
27 months
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Buggles said: Gene Vincent said: Surely not, that sounds like some form of discharge... I wonder how the book is 'going down' on mumsnet? Is the 'kit-kat shuffle*' more prevalent since its publication? - copyright The Gene Vincent Torrid Lady-Pron Publishing House.
Kit-Kat shuffle - as in two chocolatey fingers? Four fingers of fun!
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Buggles
1,288 posts
57 months
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Gene Vincent said: Four fingers of fun! Phew!
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DJRC
19,819 posts
105 months
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Read it in Northern Peter Kay/Boycs style.
It really really does show up how dreadfully badly and cheesily it is written.
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DJRC
19,819 posts
105 months
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ali_kat said: Zwolf said: The Story of O for starters. I found that most off putting to be honest, but that there proves the theory that what is    for one is for another. Every body works differently, thinks differently, is unique - there is very little that most* adults will do that is actually peverted (*ruling out child/animal/snuff/bodily waste porn). A lot of women will like to be subdued slightly/or a lot (eg hands pushed onto the mattress in missionary, or closing their eyes lol) and nobody thinks that is BDSM  Story of O? Utter utter bilge. Mind gashing bilge in fact!
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DJRC
19,819 posts
105 months
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PKLD said: moanthebairns said: crossing himself before he nuts her straight in the fud?  you b d - I just laughed out loud on the train to that! I just snorted out loud and Im in a design review meeting!!!
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Zwolf
22,321 posts
75 months
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raptor600 said: That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner...
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NotDave
20,951 posts
26 months
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Zwolf said: That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner... There's a man who knows what value to place on BDSM
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DJRC
19,819 posts
105 months
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NotDave said: Zwolf said: That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner... There's a man who knows what value to place on BDSM No, there is a man who has a spreadsheet...
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Zwolf
22,321 posts
75 months
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DJRC said: NotDave said: Zwolf said: That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner... There's a man who knows what value to place on BDSM No, there is a man who has a spreadsheet... No spreadsheets required for such contemplations, you might be relieved to know. 
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HOGEPH
3,199 posts
55 months
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From facebook.
Fifty Shades of Grey - Chav style
Chapter 1
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the stolen plasma tonight.
It was Dwayne Gray’s birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight.
His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant, I thought, as he lay on top of me pounding away.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'.
Chapter 2
As I stood in line at the Job Centre, remembering our fantastic shag from the night before, thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa - a classy man.
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met, he grunted at me to follow him and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffie to block the alley way so that we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery and excitement - but that could've been the ecstasy tablet.
Chapter 3
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to his temper but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he touched me down there. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed up his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my “Foxy” trackee bottoms. It stung but I liked it. I shouted, 'Again! Again!' so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his three toothed smile.
I knew it was love and my life would never be the same…
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Zwolf
22,321 posts
75 months
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HOGEPH said: The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time.  BTW, The Wife has finished it (two days, a new personal best for her I think - even Twilight took three days) and is making headway into 50 Shades Darker presently. She's more amused by it than enhornificated, thank fook.
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raptor600
1,356 posts
15 months
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Zwolf said: raptor600 said: That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner... I only posted for people who just wanted the first one to see if it's any good.
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DrTre
12,428 posts
101 months
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It's no Jilly Cooper is it?
That's quality.
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Mobile Chicane
14,005 posts
81 months
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HOGEPH said: From facebook.
Fifty Shades of Grey - Chav style
Chapter 1
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the stolen plasma tonight.
It was Dwayne Gray’s birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight.
His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant, I thought, as he lay on top of me pounding away.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'.
Chapter 2
As I stood in line at the Job Centre, remembering our fantastic shag from the night before, thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa - a classy man.
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met, he grunted at me to follow him and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffie to block the alley way so that we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery and excitement - but that could've been the ecstasy tablet.
Chapter 3
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to his temper but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he touched me down there. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed up his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my “Foxy” trackee bottoms. It stung but I liked it. I shouted, 'Again! Again!' so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his three toothed smile.
I knew it was love and my life would never be the same…
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DJRC
19,819 posts
105 months
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Zwolf said: HOGEPH said: The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. BTW, The Wife has finished it (two days, a new personal best for her I think - even Twilight took three days) and is making headway into 50 Shades Darker presently. She's more amused by it than enhornificated, thank fook. Yours sounds like mine. Did yours try and force you to go and see Twilight at the movies with her aswell?
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Oakey
13,696 posts
85 months
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I unleashed 'the mental' by suggesting it's not too different to guys watching porn.
"It's nothing like you perving over girls in a porn video" was the reply
There you have it, watch porn, you're a filty pervert. Read filth, you're an empowered woman.
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Zwolf
22,321 posts
75 months
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DJRC said: Yours sounds like mine.
Did yours try and force you to go and see Twilight at the movies with her aswell? Not quite...
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